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Hey Pandas, Is It Possible That My Success Caused My Friends To Hate Me?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
I never thought I would ever ask for anything. I always read about other people’s difficulties and considered myself a blue-collar worker. I had many friends, or so I thought. I lived in New England and eventually moved about three hours north of my hometown. An old friend came to visit, and we ended up getting married. All our old acquaintances came to the wedding, and it was fantastic.
Ten years later, we adopted a child because my wife had to have a hysterectomy. Everything was still awesome. Then, a few years passed. My father and my business partner both passed away.
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My father left me a fair amount of money, and I sold the business, receiving another chunk
Image credits: Scott Graham (not the actual photo)
A few investments also worked out well, allowing me to retire at 52.
I tried to get my old friends to drive three hours to spend time with me on the lake, letting them know that food and lodging would be free
Image credits: Jeremy Tanguay-Fernandes (not the actual photo)
Despite not flaunting my success, they seemed to hate me just because I had been fortunate.
I made sure not to indicate that I was better than them in any way, but they still seemed resentful
Image credits: jinyun (not the actual photo)
I do have a couple of old friends who are still cool, and we stay in touch. But what’s up with the others?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
YTA for including less than the bare minimum of details and then expecting people to weigh in on your issue. Other than that, I have no clue.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
You didnt include anything about your friends lives, what they said to make you think they resent you, or how you maintained the friendship beyond telling them they could visit. You listed a bunch of perfectly nice life events, and your conclusion was that they resented you. So based on what you didnt say, it seems like you didnt make enough of an effort to visit them or stay involved in their lives, and are a poor communicator. Also, some friendships just normally fade with time.
JB 1 year ago
There’s precisely zero information that supports your claim that these *acquaintances* are in any way resentful of your good fortune at being able to retire early. Frankly, I wouldn’t bother driving a six-hour round trip to celebrate an acquaintance retiring, even if said person was covering food and lodging. And communication is a two way street. If they haven’t stayed in contact, obviously, neither have you. This entire post comes off as a humble brag where you expect people with whom you don’t have a strong friendship to drop their plans to come celebrate a circumstance of relative wealth that you partially earned. After all, an inheritance isn’t something you worked for. So, yes, YTA. The only resentment I read is yours against these people who have chosen to ignore you snapping your fingers for their attention.
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
You want us to know that you're well off? Because that's all l could get from your story. I'd need to know what your friends actually say.
steaky 1 year ago
What a weird post. It is pretty much OP showing off his money that he inherited. And wondering why friends don't drive 3 hours total because free food and drinks. They probably feel out of touch with him. And driving 3 hours for someone who isn't close to you, is a lot. OP would probably have a better success if the distance was smaller. An one hour drive is easier to do than a 3 hour drive. Gas is expensive yall!
Lyoness 1 year ago
Maybe they resent being asked to drive 3 hours to visit a well off retired friend instead of said friend going to visit them and staying in a hotel?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago (edited)
He's in NE, 3-5 hours is not a big deal especially when there's a lake house involved. He was inviting them to stay over, not drive there and back in a day.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Maybe they just don't want to drive THREE HOURS to visit you. Have you ever offered to drive said three hours to visit THEM? Also - how much of an entitled, self-absorbed Main Character type do you have to be that you think it's your "success" that is making them not want to visit? Also, YOU didn't have any "successes" of your own. Two people died and you INHERITED money and assets. That's not "success". You didn't do anything to earn the money you inherited. If you go around telling people (like your friends) about how "successful" you've been, then they likely see right through your blatant self-absorption in that regard.
Magicrat (Post author) 1 year ago
And that was a pretty hateful rant. And I built a business that I sold. As many have pointed out...I did a poor job of explaining everything
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Wete the people you were friends with really competitive and materialistic? It just doesn't seem likely that financial success and a happy marriage would cause people to hate you. Certainly not many people, and even then, they'd probably come for a free weekend to see what you had. Something else is going on. Talk to them. Or don't. But it's not that you're happy or retiring. They are *your* friends, there must have been some lead up to not being friends anymore. You must know what upsets them, how they typically respond. That will get you a guess, but if they won't talk to you, the friendship is over anyway, move on.
Ge Po 1 year ago
Things I would like to know before I could share any idea of what's up with the others: Did you keep in contact with the ones you think might hate you, or may this invitation come out of the blue for them? ('I do have a couple of old friends who are still cool, and we stay in touch') Did these people (whom you think might hate you) respond negatively or did they simply not respond at all? Some friendships remain, even after years without contact, and when you finally catch up, it feels like no time has passed. Some friendships simply fade away. In the last scenario, some people might like picking up old friendships, but when it turns out not to be as cozy/relaxed as they may have hoped. In that case it would have been six hours of driving in one day and this may be a reason not to come/ not to react. Some people may have reasons not to react that are too personal to give to someone they have not been that close with for several years.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Maybe the visit would be too difficult to people less fortunate circumstanced. Have you visited them?
Parmeisan 1 year ago
As others have said, we really don't have a lot of information to go on. A lot of background on how you got where you are, but almost nothing about what your friends said or did. Did they come to visit you and they seemed resentful, or they didn't come and that's why you think they might be resentful? Have they said anything over the phone? Do you ever chat by email or messenger? Was it sudden or gradual? My best guess from the information we have is that they aren't able to travel that far very often. They still have busy lives, remember; or at least I assume that they aren't also retired already. So that's a long trip to make for a short visit, and a longer visit would mean using vacation days which are scarce. I expect that that's the main problem here. They may also resent your assumptions that such a trip would be easy.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
The best solution (also as others have said) may be to do the drive yourself in order to visit them. Have you tried that? If money isn't a huge issue for you, and time away from work a complete non-issue, then that may be the best solution. It doesn't matter so much how lovely your home is when it is so far away. Just go visit them a few times. Even if the resentment is not imagined, it may fade after a few visits as things go back to normal. But expecting them to come see you will 1) be hard for them and 2) deepen any existing resentment as they are forced to see how great your life is now.
Load More Replies...
Super Beast 1 year ago
You probably lost touch with how Financials work for the regular guy. Nobody wants a charity. Meet them where they are or get friends who are 'fortunate'
Buttons 1 year ago
Reffered to as 'the others' and 'old friends'. Seems to be a difference between inner circle and outer circle for friendships. That's cool, maybe 'the others' declined the lake getaway because they don't seem the point into pouring time and effort into friendships or a person where they are not viewed as being 'old friends'?
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago
Yeah I have free food an lodging in Rome, which is a two hour flight from Amsterdam. I'm really fortunate my friend travels back home a lot, or I would never see them.
Julius Zuke 1 year ago
This post caught my attention because my wife and I have suffered resentment from other people, but from the opposite direction. We have always been blessed with enough money to be comfortable in a humble lifestyle. As things got better, we resisted the lure of a bigger house, a better car, a boat, fancier clothes, and additional kids. People even asked us why we didn't want a more grandiose lifestyle. Didn't need it, that's why. Family didn't believe us and our church friends were friendly but never got very close to us, even though we tried to contribute our time and talents. We never became a part of the "in" group. And that's OK. Somewhere out there is a belief that if you're happy, there's something wrong with you. Key takeaway: don't expect people to be happy for you. You have to do that for yourself.
Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
YTA for including less than the bare minimum of details and then expecting people to weigh in on your issue. Other than that, I have no clue.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
You didnt include anything about your friends lives, what they said to make you think they resent you, or how you maintained the friendship beyond telling them they could visit. You listed a bunch of perfectly nice life events, and your conclusion was that they resented you. So based on what you didnt say, it seems like you didnt make enough of an effort to visit them or stay involved in their lives, and are a poor communicator. Also, some friendships just normally fade with time.
JB 1 year ago
There’s precisely zero information that supports your claim that these *acquaintances* are in any way resentful of your good fortune at being able to retire early. Frankly, I wouldn’t bother driving a six-hour round trip to celebrate an acquaintance retiring, even if said person was covering food and lodging. And communication is a two way street. If they haven’t stayed in contact, obviously, neither have you. This entire post comes off as a humble brag where you expect people with whom you don’t have a strong friendship to drop their plans to come celebrate a circumstance of relative wealth that you partially earned. After all, an inheritance isn’t something you worked for. So, yes, YTA. The only resentment I read is yours against these people who have chosen to ignore you snapping your fingers for their attention.
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
You want us to know that you're well off? Because that's all l could get from your story. I'd need to know what your friends actually say.
steaky 1 year ago
What a weird post. It is pretty much OP showing off his money that he inherited. And wondering why friends don't drive 3 hours total because free food and drinks. They probably feel out of touch with him. And driving 3 hours for someone who isn't close to you, is a lot. OP would probably have a better success if the distance was smaller. An one hour drive is easier to do than a 3 hour drive. Gas is expensive yall!
Lyoness 1 year ago
Maybe they resent being asked to drive 3 hours to visit a well off retired friend instead of said friend going to visit them and staying in a hotel?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago (edited)
He's in NE, 3-5 hours is not a big deal especially when there's a lake house involved. He was inviting them to stay over, not drive there and back in a day.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Maybe they just don't want to drive THREE HOURS to visit you. Have you ever offered to drive said three hours to visit THEM? Also - how much of an entitled, self-absorbed Main Character type do you have to be that you think it's your "success" that is making them not want to visit? Also, YOU didn't have any "successes" of your own. Two people died and you INHERITED money and assets. That's not "success". You didn't do anything to earn the money you inherited. If you go around telling people (like your friends) about how "successful" you've been, then they likely see right through your blatant self-absorption in that regard.
Magicrat (Post author) 1 year ago
And that was a pretty hateful rant. And I built a business that I sold. As many have pointed out...I did a poor job of explaining everything
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Wete the people you were friends with really competitive and materialistic? It just doesn't seem likely that financial success and a happy marriage would cause people to hate you. Certainly not many people, and even then, they'd probably come for a free weekend to see what you had. Something else is going on. Talk to them. Or don't. But it's not that you're happy or retiring. They are *your* friends, there must have been some lead up to not being friends anymore. You must know what upsets them, how they typically respond. That will get you a guess, but if they won't talk to you, the friendship is over anyway, move on.
Ge Po 1 year ago
Things I would like to know before I could share any idea of what's up with the others: Did you keep in contact with the ones you think might hate you, or may this invitation come out of the blue for them? ('I do have a couple of old friends who are still cool, and we stay in touch') Did these people (whom you think might hate you) respond negatively or did they simply not respond at all? Some friendships remain, even after years without contact, and when you finally catch up, it feels like no time has passed. Some friendships simply fade away. In the last scenario, some people might like picking up old friendships, but when it turns out not to be as cozy/relaxed as they may have hoped. In that case it would have been six hours of driving in one day and this may be a reason not to come/ not to react. Some people may have reasons not to react that are too personal to give to someone they have not been that close with for several years.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Maybe the visit would be too difficult to people less fortunate circumstanced. Have you visited them?
Parmeisan 1 year ago
As others have said, we really don't have a lot of information to go on. A lot of background on how you got where you are, but almost nothing about what your friends said or did. Did they come to visit you and they seemed resentful, or they didn't come and that's why you think they might be resentful? Have they said anything over the phone? Do you ever chat by email or messenger? Was it sudden or gradual? My best guess from the information we have is that they aren't able to travel that far very often. They still have busy lives, remember; or at least I assume that they aren't also retired already. So that's a long trip to make for a short visit, and a longer visit would mean using vacation days which are scarce. I expect that that's the main problem here. They may also resent your assumptions that such a trip would be easy.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
The best solution (also as others have said) may be to do the drive yourself in order to visit them. Have you tried that? If money isn't a huge issue for you, and time away from work a complete non-issue, then that may be the best solution. It doesn't matter so much how lovely your home is when it is so far away. Just go visit them a few times. Even if the resentment is not imagined, it may fade after a few visits as things go back to normal. But expecting them to come see you will 1) be hard for them and 2) deepen any existing resentment as they are forced to see how great your life is now.
Load More Replies... Super Beast 1 year ago
You probably lost touch with how Financials work for the regular guy. Nobody wants a charity. Meet them where they are or get friends who are 'fortunate'
Buttons 1 year ago
Reffered to as 'the others' and 'old friends'. Seems to be a difference between inner circle and outer circle for friendships. That's cool, maybe 'the others' declined the lake getaway because they don't seem the point into pouring time and effort into friendships or a person where they are not viewed as being 'old friends'?
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago
Yeah I have free food an lodging in Rome, which is a two hour flight from Amsterdam. I'm really fortunate my friend travels back home a lot, or I would never see them.
Julius Zuke 1 year ago
This post caught my attention because my wife and I have suffered resentment from other people, but from the opposite direction. We have always been blessed with enough money to be comfortable in a humble lifestyle. As things got better, we resisted the lure of a bigger house, a better car, a boat, fancier clothes, and additional kids. People even asked us why we didn't want a more grandiose lifestyle. Didn't need it, that's why. Family didn't believe us and our church friends were friendly but never got very close to us, even though we tried to contribute our time and talents. We never became a part of the "in" group. And that's OK. Somewhere out there is a belief that if you're happy, there's something wrong with you. Key takeaway: don't expect people to be happy for you. You have to do that for yourself.
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