Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Threatened By An Old Man And Calling The Police?
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My husband and I live out in the country, in the woods. We have neighbors, but not within shouting distance. We recently had a baby, and since then, I’ve become a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). I had a C-section and have been struggling to get my strength back.
Before we got pregnant, we purchased a new-to-us truck. Nothing fancy, nothing special, but it got us from A to B. However, once we got pregnant, we realized we needed a vehicle with a backseat, so we put a For Sale sign on our truck in case anyone drove by.
An older man stopped by once to have a look at it while we were home
Image credits: Barthelemy de Mazenod (not the actual photo)
He was interested but didn’t have the money. We told him we couldn’t hold it but to get in touch when he could afford it, in case it was still available.
One day, we came home to a note on the door from this man, saying he had the money and wanted to buy it. He left his number. We called him back but got no answer.
A few days later, there was another note saying he wanted to buy it. We called him back again but got nothing.
A third note was more “cranky,” saying if we didn’t want to sell to him, the least we could do was tell him. We called him back, but still no answer.
A few weeks passed. We still hadn’t sold the truck, and I went into labor. It was a dangerous delivery, so we spent a week in the hospital. When we came home, my husband took an extra week off work, and we never left the house. By this time, it had been weeks since a note was left, and we figured the guy gave up.
The day my husband went back to work, I was anxious about being alone with the baby, but I knew to take it slow since I was still recovering from the C-section
Image credits: Jenna Norman (not the actual photo)
Around 10 a.m., a car pulled into our driveway. I peeked outside, and lo and behold, it was the man who wanted our truck. I didn’t want to go down and open the door—I was in pain, in the middle of nowhere, with a new baby, and a man was approaching my house. No thanks, I’ll take the bear (lol!). I watched, and he didn’t even come to the door but started walking around the house, peering into the windows! At this point, I was terrified. What did he think he was doing? I heard him jiggle the doorknob to see if it was unlocked. Finally, he went away and sat in the bed of the truck for sale!
Meanwhile, I was on the phone with my neighbors who live about 10 minutes from our house. They decided to drive over and tell the man to leave. When they got here, they found him peering through the window again. My friend told him, “Look, you are scaring the people who live here. You have to leave the property.” He was all apologetic, saying he didn’t think anyone was home. So he left, and my friend left.
Then this man had the gall to come back and start writing another note. At this point, I was fed up. I called the cops
Image credits: Scott Rodgerson (not the actual photo)
I told them I had someone trespassing. They came and escorted him off the premises, and we haven’t seen or heard from him since.
My husband says I took things a bit too far, that he was just a harmless old man, and I should have gone down and spoken to him myself instead of calling the neighbors and the cops. He thinks I overreacted. So, AITA?
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Share on FacebookNTA. You felt threatened, called a neighbor who came and told him to leave, and he still came back knowing he wasn't welcome. You have no idea what he'll do next. Maybe it's another note, maybe it's lighting the truck on fire so nobody can have it. I don't get in what world it's wrong to call the police on somebody who knowingly breaks the law, he could have chosen to not come back after he was told not to come back.
Your and your baby’s safety are your top priority. I disagree you were an AH. It’s all very well for hubs to say you overreacted but what did *he* do to prevent the situation from happening? He had the same information you did. Old guy (OG) doesn’t reply to calls, he puts notes on your door. DH could have left a reply note for OG on your door or on the truck giving a time to speak with DH about the sale. OG was an AH. Peering in your windows is wildly invasive, inappropriate and disrespectful; he should not have come back after being told to leave. At that point, calling the police to remove him was the right thing to do.
The man was peering through the window again and said he didn't think there was anyone on the property? ..Why was he even peering in then?..Older people can have diasasterous reasoning and communication skills, I give him that, but I don't think this woman was overreacting. You never know what type of a person anyone is, let alone one who peers in your window.
"Harmless" people generally don't peer into windows, jiggle doorknobs to see if they're locked, sit waiting in *someone else's vehicle,* and return to someone's private property after having been asked to leave. OP did not overreact, and her spouse underreacted to her legitimate concerns.
I do think they could have done more to contact him; after he proved to be consistent leaving notes they could have left him one too. However, to me trying the door knobs is a huge red flag that something was not right about his intentions and/or mental state so I don’t blame her at all for getting a bad vibe here.
Maybe you could have handled it differently. Maybe. Reality was you were scared. Maybe you still are. You're recovering from an important surgery and have a baby with you. Your husband needs to support you and aknowledge your emotions! That was creepy. What is your husband planning to do for you to keep safe with his child if he doesn't want the police involved after multiple trespassing? Has he at least try to call again? NTA take care of yourself and your baby
You did the right thing but never assume that old people are harmless or nice anyone can be dangerous at any age
The difference between a person being a creep and being a danger, is often the vulnerabilty of their target. Men don't automatically consider an older man a threat to them, women know that any man is potentially a threat. He was already harassing you with notes, tresspassing, and looking in windows, and came back after a neighbour made him leave. Calling the police was absolutely the right move. If your husband had been there, then yes, he could probrably have sent the guy away. He wasn't there. An aggressive tresspasser who leaves when confronted by a man, or the police, may not leave just because he's confronted by a vulnerable woman who's alone with a baby recovering from major surgery.
She absolutely did NOT overreact! There's something wrong with that guy. She should get a restraining order. He husband is a total AH.
After watching "Them" I would not trust anyone coming up to my "off the beaten path" house and peering into my house. She was totally in the right.
He was looking through the windows and jiggling your door handle yet he said he didn’t think anyone was home? NTA for sure. That’s dodgy af
I do think it was overboard to call the cops. The neighbors, sure, but why the police? You even point out that when he came back he was just writing a note -- no more looking into windows. He'd done that before, and without any problem. Let the guy write the note!
Him not answering the call backs means he lost the option to leave notes. But aside from that, in the house after a major operation and a brand new baby, it's a scary/nervous time. She did what she needed to do to feel safe. The police removing the guy from her property means they believe she needed him to be gone feel safe. Definitely NTA
"i thought no one was home so i tried to get into the house" ... that's not acceptable behavior and calling the cops is the correct action when you are home alone and someone is looking in the windows and trying to open the doors. whether you are recovering from surgery or not
Wrong on both ends but imma say no. you trusted your gut and brain. I would say call husband or family idk someone to ask what to do. idk about cops. But i understand so NTA
Paranoia: 1. unjustified suspicion and mistrust of other people or their actions. "I got into a state of paranoia about various night noises which in daylight seems utterly silly" 2. the unwarranted or delusional belief that one is being persecuted, harassed, or betrayed by others, occurring as part of a mental condition.
After first no answer ... leave him a return note with the truck or where he left the note. A for sale sign invites the world .. expect a determined buyer ..... did he buy the truck ? AH is harsh but paranoid neurotic fits.... stay out of sales.
I don’t understand. The man has demonstrated that he’s REALLY interested in your truck, and yet you’ve not left him a note nor didja open the door for him. He keeps coming back because you’re apparently still trying to sell the truck. Why not sell it to him? If he had the truck or decided he doesn’t want it after all, it’s likely you’ll never see him again, and problem solved.
NTA. You felt threatened, called a neighbor who came and told him to leave, and he still came back knowing he wasn't welcome. You have no idea what he'll do next. Maybe it's another note, maybe it's lighting the truck on fire so nobody can have it. I don't get in what world it's wrong to call the police on somebody who knowingly breaks the law, he could have chosen to not come back after he was told not to come back.
Your and your baby’s safety are your top priority. I disagree you were an AH. It’s all very well for hubs to say you overreacted but what did *he* do to prevent the situation from happening? He had the same information you did. Old guy (OG) doesn’t reply to calls, he puts notes on your door. DH could have left a reply note for OG on your door or on the truck giving a time to speak with DH about the sale. OG was an AH. Peering in your windows is wildly invasive, inappropriate and disrespectful; he should not have come back after being told to leave. At that point, calling the police to remove him was the right thing to do.
The man was peering through the window again and said he didn't think there was anyone on the property? ..Why was he even peering in then?..Older people can have diasasterous reasoning and communication skills, I give him that, but I don't think this woman was overreacting. You never know what type of a person anyone is, let alone one who peers in your window.
"Harmless" people generally don't peer into windows, jiggle doorknobs to see if they're locked, sit waiting in *someone else's vehicle,* and return to someone's private property after having been asked to leave. OP did not overreact, and her spouse underreacted to her legitimate concerns.
I do think they could have done more to contact him; after he proved to be consistent leaving notes they could have left him one too. However, to me trying the door knobs is a huge red flag that something was not right about his intentions and/or mental state so I don’t blame her at all for getting a bad vibe here.
Maybe you could have handled it differently. Maybe. Reality was you were scared. Maybe you still are. You're recovering from an important surgery and have a baby with you. Your husband needs to support you and aknowledge your emotions! That was creepy. What is your husband planning to do for you to keep safe with his child if he doesn't want the police involved after multiple trespassing? Has he at least try to call again? NTA take care of yourself and your baby
You did the right thing but never assume that old people are harmless or nice anyone can be dangerous at any age
The difference between a person being a creep and being a danger, is often the vulnerabilty of their target. Men don't automatically consider an older man a threat to them, women know that any man is potentially a threat. He was already harassing you with notes, tresspassing, and looking in windows, and came back after a neighbour made him leave. Calling the police was absolutely the right move. If your husband had been there, then yes, he could probrably have sent the guy away. He wasn't there. An aggressive tresspasser who leaves when confronted by a man, or the police, may not leave just because he's confronted by a vulnerable woman who's alone with a baby recovering from major surgery.
She absolutely did NOT overreact! There's something wrong with that guy. She should get a restraining order. He husband is a total AH.
After watching "Them" I would not trust anyone coming up to my "off the beaten path" house and peering into my house. She was totally in the right.
He was looking through the windows and jiggling your door handle yet he said he didn’t think anyone was home? NTA for sure. That’s dodgy af
I do think it was overboard to call the cops. The neighbors, sure, but why the police? You even point out that when he came back he was just writing a note -- no more looking into windows. He'd done that before, and without any problem. Let the guy write the note!
Him not answering the call backs means he lost the option to leave notes. But aside from that, in the house after a major operation and a brand new baby, it's a scary/nervous time. She did what she needed to do to feel safe. The police removing the guy from her property means they believe she needed him to be gone feel safe. Definitely NTA
"i thought no one was home so i tried to get into the house" ... that's not acceptable behavior and calling the cops is the correct action when you are home alone and someone is looking in the windows and trying to open the doors. whether you are recovering from surgery or not
Wrong on both ends but imma say no. you trusted your gut and brain. I would say call husband or family idk someone to ask what to do. idk about cops. But i understand so NTA
Paranoia: 1. unjustified suspicion and mistrust of other people or their actions. "I got into a state of paranoia about various night noises which in daylight seems utterly silly" 2. the unwarranted or delusional belief that one is being persecuted, harassed, or betrayed by others, occurring as part of a mental condition.
After first no answer ... leave him a return note with the truck or where he left the note. A for sale sign invites the world .. expect a determined buyer ..... did he buy the truck ? AH is harsh but paranoid neurotic fits.... stay out of sales.
I don’t understand. The man has demonstrated that he’s REALLY interested in your truck, and yet you’ve not left him a note nor didja open the door for him. He keeps coming back because you’re apparently still trying to sell the truck. Why not sell it to him? If he had the truck or decided he doesn’t want it after all, it’s likely you’ll never see him again, and problem solved.




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