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This Victorian Letter From A Man To His Pregnant Mistress Proves Red Flags Are Timeless
Close-up of a handwritten Victorian letter labeled as the worst Victorian boyfriend with a shocked face emoji.

Woman Finds A 160-Year-Old Victorian Love Letter That Feels Like A Slap In The Face

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The dating world is hard for single people. In 2020, 67% of American daters said their dating lives were not going too well. Women had it particularly difficult, with 65% saying they had experienced harassing behaviors during a date or with a person they were dating. But has it always been like this throughout history?

One gentleman’s letter to his mistress might just be proof that men, as Doja Cat would sing in the clean version, ain’t it. 19th-century art and fashion historian Rosie Hart brought people’s attention to the fact that even Victorian boyfriends lacked class by reading said letter to her followers. “Proof that it was embarrassing to have a boyfriend 160 years ago as well,” one commenter quipped.

RELATED:

    If you think boyfriends in the Victorian era were all classy gentlemen, you might need to think again

    Fountain pen resting on an open notebook with handwritten letter, illustrating Victorian boyfriend letter theme.

    Image credits: Álvaro Serrano / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    One creator recently shared a love letter from the 1800s that proves dating was hell for women even back then

    Woman reacting to a handwritten letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend sparking questions about historical behavior.

    Image credits: rosiehharte

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    Text showing a letter extract read aloud about a nightmare situationship from the Victorian era related to the worst Victorian boyfriend.

    Text excerpt from a letter attributed to the worst Victorian boyfriend, sparking questions about historical behavior.

    Young woman reading a Victorian letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend with text overlay about 160 years later.

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    Letter excerpt from worst Victorian boyfriend Spencer Compton Cavendish, highlighting historical attitudes in relationships.

    Woman with microphone explaining Victorian boyfriend letter, with large vintage portrait in background, discussing worst Victorian boyfriend.

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    Text excerpt discussing a Victorian letter mentioning a mistress from a working-class Irish immigrant family in Liverpool.

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    Woman speaking in front of historical photo, discussing letter from worst Victorian boyfriend and its impact on women.

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    Victorian era portrait of a woman with pearls, related to the worst Victorian boyfriend and historic relationship behaviors.

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    Text excerpt about a letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend causing women to question past relationship behaviors.

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    Victorian boyfriend vintage photo with woman reacting emotionally, highlighting worst Victorian boyfriend behavior discussed online.

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    Text of a heartfelt letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend, with emotional reflections and personal nicknames.

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    A woman speaking into a microphone with a Victorian painting of a girl reading a letter in the background.

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    Letter from worst Victorian boyfriend revealing emotional neglect and sparking conversations about toxic relationship behaviors.

    Woman reacting to a letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend with historical painting of a Victorian girl reading by lamplight.

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    Text excerpt from letter by worst Victorian boyfriend explaining context of pregnancy in a historical relationship.

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    Woman reading a letter from worst Victorian boyfriend with a vintage portrait of a bearded man wearing a hat in the background.

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    Excerpt of a letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend, sparking reactions about historical relationship behavior.

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    Excerpt of a letter showing toxic Victorian boyfriend behavior with manipulative and controlling language toward a woman.

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    Victorian boyfriend letter demanding liberty and no jealousy, revealing controlling behavior in historic relationship.

    Woman holding microphone interviewing a Victorian-era woman, referencing the worst Victorian boyfriend in a historical setting.

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    Alt text: Excerpt from letter by worst Victorian boyfriend with women questioning if men have always behaved this way.

    Woman reading a letter in front of a Victorian painting of children decorating a Christmas tree about worst Victorian boyfriend.

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    Text excerpt from a letter by the worst Victorian boyfriend expressing regret and a Christmas wish to a child.

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    Woman sharing a letter from worst Victorian boyfriend, sparking conversation on how men have always been like this.

    Image credits: rosiehharte

    The creator’s video garnered over 397k views

    @rosiehharte Is this the WORST Victorian boyfriend? 😨 #history#catherinewalters#victorianera#victorianhistory#historyfacts♬ Tchaikovsky “Dance of the Reed Flutes”(1257471) – kzy

    Catherine Walters was one of the most famous courtesans in Victorian London

    The “Skitsy” in this story is Catherine Walters, a quite famous courtesan of Victorian London. In fact, she was the last courtesan of that era. Her nickname, Skittles, came from her job, apparently. According to legend, Walters worked in the Black Jack Tavern in Liverpool that had a skittles alley, or, as we call it nowadays, a bowling alley.

    Throughout her life, Walters was a mistress to many powerful men. Her first was allegedly Lord Fitzwilliam. MP and diarist Henry Labouchère described Catherine as “the most capricious heart I know and must be the only [woman] in history to retain her heart intact.”

    Her affair with Spencer Cavendish, Marquess of Hartington, lasted for four years. He provided Catherine with a Mayfair house and a stable. By that time, Walters was an experienced and established equestrienne.

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    Many highborn women would go for horse rides in Hyde Park. As creator Rosie Harte notes in another of her videos, they would match their outfits to their carriages. But Catherine was, as Harte puts it, “the Goth Courtesan,” always wearing black. Her outfits were another thing that made her famous. According to historians, her tailors were the famous Henry Poole & Co. on Savile Row.

    Yet Walters wasn’t highborn herself. Other sources highlight the fact that she rose to a higher social class than she was born into, indicated by her “docklands vocabulary.” However, as a courtesan, she was able to travel to America and Paris, becoming a member of high society.

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    Skitsy and Lord Hartington’s breakup was just as entertaining as his letters

    So, what happened to Catherine’s and Lord Hartington’s relationship? As Rosie Hart details in another of her videos, they had an outlandishly scandalous and embarrassing breakup. Apparently, Catherine was so in love with Cavendish and wanted to become duchess (he was in line to become the Duke of Devonshire) that she started telling people that he had already proposed.

    However, Cavendish was eyeing a career in politics and was, for lack of a better word, looking for a “decent” wife. So, like a real gentleman, he wrote her a breakup letter and sent it as he was going away on a trip to America.

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    When Catherine found out, she decided to follow him, but she couldn’t go on a transatlantic trip unattended. So, she found a young married man, Aubrey de Vere Beauclerk, and traveled to America as his mistress. When they reached New York, Catherine begged Cavendish multiple times to take her back. Yet, every time, he refused.

    The brothers of Beauclerk’s abandoned wife chased him and Catherine to America, and the British press reported on this scandal almost daily. Historians claim that Catherine was so mortified by the whole story that she refused to come back to London and thus traveled to Paris, becoming a lover of financier and political advisor Achille Fould.

    Was Cavendish really the worst boyfriend in history? Perhaps, but he, like Catherine, was a product of his time, when status and morality could make or break someone’s prospects.

    One commenter revealed “Skitsy’s” fate: “She retired a very rich woman”

    Screenshot of a TikTok conversation discussing a letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend and women’s reactions.

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    Comment on letter from worst Victorian boyfriend, discussing suitors and a woman retiring wealthy after many relationships.

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    Comment about Victorian courtesan Catherine Walters linked to worst Victorian boyfriend and historical relationship dynamics.

    Many women took this story as proof that men “haven’t changed one bit

    Comment from Claire noting that having an embarrassing boyfriend was common 160 years ago in Victorian times.

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    Screenshot of a social media comment reacting to the letter from worst Victorian boyfriend with surprise and disbelief.

    Comment from user roxy rocks saying four year situationship is crazy with 145 likes on a social media post about worst Victorian boyfriend.

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    Screenshot of a social media comment reacting to behavior attributed to the worst Victorian boyfriend with disbelief and humor.

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    Alt text: Victorian man with beard and suit representing the worst Victorian boyfriend in a historical photo.

    Screenshot of a social media comment reacting to a letter from worst Victorian boyfriend with shocked emojis.

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    Comment on social media expressing hope that Skitsy levels up and is adored for life, related to worst Victorian boyfriend topic.

    Comment on social media calling a person a narcissistic bigot pig, relating to Victorian boyfriend behavior discussions.

    Comment from Steph questioning if worst Victorian boyfriend behaviors have always existed, with a thoughtful emoji and 5,262 likes.

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    User comment on social media reacting to a letter from worst Victorian boyfriend with skepticism and advice.

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    Screenshot of a social media comment comparing modern dating to behavior of the worst Victorian boyfriend.

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    Comment from a user named Gallinace asking about Skittsy’s reaction, referencing the worst Victorian boyfriend letter.

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    Screenshot of a comment saying he sounds like he hates her, related to the worst Victorian boyfriend letter discussion.

    Screenshot of a social media comment asking if men commonly referred to adult lovers as child during the Victorian era.

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    Comment on social media expressing sympathy for Catherine who received a disturbing letter from the worst Victorian boyfriend.

    Comment by R.K. Leverton questioning if Dukes of Devonshire have always been absolute cad Victorian boyfriends.

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    Poll Question

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    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Read less »
    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Mindaugas Balčiauskas

    Mindaugas Balčiauskas

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

    Read less »

    Mindaugas Balčiauskas

    Mindaugas Balčiauskas

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

    What do you think ?
    Apatheist
    Community Member
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Given that the Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII, was infamous for mistresses, it was almost fashionable. Mistresses were absolutely standard until divorce became simpler. As women had very limited opportunities to better themselves or become independent, this was often the only way for some to survive.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fashionable for upper crust men only. Women in the upper classes had very regimented lives and little say in how to live them, for the most part. They had little to no opportunity to cheat on their husbands. Their men, on the other hand, were actively encouraged to play with women from the lower classes and keep them as mistresses. Some even ardently declared their undying love for their mistresses, but they only did it to get in their pantaloons. Then, when they found someone new or their mistress was getting too insistent about marriage if the man was single, they just threw the poor women—-many of whom were honestly in love with them and not just golddiggers—-away. If they had had children with the man, they had NO other way to support themselves and their kids except to become the mistress of another rich man, or walk the streets. The smarter women, like Skitsy here, parlayed their relationships into personal wealth, through gifts of money, jewelry, property, etc, and turned out alright in the end. But they were the exception rather than the rule. However, they weren’t all as smart as Skitsy. For them, there was no coming back from the social disgrace of being considered “damaged goods” and not worthy of marriage, while the men just neatly slipped back into the protection of their money and family power, married rich women from equally, or more, rich and powerful families, only to emerge when another pretty face crossed their view.

    Load More Replies...
    Roxy222uk
    Community Member
    1 hour ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just as an aside: skittle alleys in pubs aren’t quite the same as bowling alleys.

    Apatheist
    Community Member
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Given that the Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII, was infamous for mistresses, it was almost fashionable. Mistresses were absolutely standard until divorce became simpler. As women had very limited opportunities to better themselves or become independent, this was often the only way for some to survive.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fashionable for upper crust men only. Women in the upper classes had very regimented lives and little say in how to live them, for the most part. They had little to no opportunity to cheat on their husbands. Their men, on the other hand, were actively encouraged to play with women from the lower classes and keep them as mistresses. Some even ardently declared their undying love for their mistresses, but they only did it to get in their pantaloons. Then, when they found someone new or their mistress was getting too insistent about marriage if the man was single, they just threw the poor women—-many of whom were honestly in love with them and not just golddiggers—-away. If they had had children with the man, they had NO other way to support themselves and their kids except to become the mistress of another rich man, or walk the streets. The smarter women, like Skitsy here, parlayed their relationships into personal wealth, through gifts of money, jewelry, property, etc, and turned out alright in the end. But they were the exception rather than the rule. However, they weren’t all as smart as Skitsy. For them, there was no coming back from the social disgrace of being considered “damaged goods” and not worthy of marriage, while the men just neatly slipped back into the protection of their money and family power, married rich women from equally, or more, rich and powerful families, only to emerge when another pretty face crossed their view.

    Load More Replies...
    Roxy222uk
    Community Member
    1 hour ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just as an aside: skittle alleys in pubs aren’t quite the same as bowling alleys.

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