“He Told Me I Should Grow Up”: Man Returns His Future Wife’s Dream Wedding Dress Unbeknownst To Her Because It “Was Wasting Money”

I don't know if OP will see this, but these are enormous, neon-blinking red flags. He has committed theft in an effort to control you, and is disparaging what you do. You are not married yet. It is really easy to miss/overlook/unconsciously assume it will all work out in this relationship phase. We need to be taught, I think, how to discuss important issues and understand consequences as a society, instead of being fed the illusion of happily-ever-after-marriages. Are you on the same page in regards to finances? How to discuss and resolve issues? Relationships with friends and family? Having or not having a family? Where you will live and what your life goals are? How you treat and respect each other - and other people in general? Driving habits, words, how people treat others, explanations of past relationships can reveal a lot - but when we are in love, headed towards marriage, we have a huge blind spot. Listen to what others say they see, and consider what they are saying.

Don't get into that mindset of "I must be doing something to make him act this way." That's what victims of abuse do. Get out of this relationship while you can. Other people suggested counseling, but I would just sever ties altogether. Let me put it this way...Is his mother going to dictate when you should have kids, how many, how you raise them? Is he going to nitpick and track every dime you spend? These people are controlling. And my next question...how would he and mom react if it had been your family paying for the dress instead of you? Is this about the cost of the dress or controlling you? And if he's tight with money on this special day...what will his tight wad behavior be when you want to do something special for yourself or for your kids? Run, honey! While you still can!

NTA---He disrespected you in so many ways. You are not married yet. It is your money not from a joint account. He is holding on to it??? Hell no. He is treating you like a child only to the tune of thousands. I would have demanded the money back or there would have been no discussion at all except with the police. He stole your dream wedding and thought nothing about it. And then brought is mother into the argument! Run! He plans on controlling you like a captive. That is what you will be and already are.

Here's a solution. Don't get married to him and then report him for stealing.

Their finances are not shared, and they aren’t married. This man has stolen thousands of dollars from her.

This is red flag central! First off OP has a point in which to make her dress special if she’ll only wear it once. Also it seems that OP can afford it if she can pay out of pocket! Second she already had the dress so what was the point in returning it? Third, it seems like HE pocketed money that OP should be getting. That’s super controlling! Lastly, he’s obviously some man-baby if he felt like he couldn’t handle the situation and got his mommy. Don’t throw the dress, throw the fiancé

Tell him to pound pavement. I was married to a man like this and it ruined my belief in love. It seriously crushed me. So kick him to the curb or just run!

His controlling and condescending attitude is also "setting the tone" for the marriage. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

She is about to marry a narcissist and doesn't even realize it. "His" financial future, not "theirs"? He is literally admitting that all of her money and future income are under his control. He stole from her by returning the dress and keeping the money until she accepts his demands. That's theft and she should call the police and have him arrested if he refuses to return the money. A perfect test to prove what he is all about would be to present him with a prenup.

I have your solution, OP. He gives you the money back and you give him his ring back and tell him to pound sand. He called mommy because mommy trained him to be a cheap screw. It's not about the dress, it's about him controlling you and the narrative and everything else. He is projecting his own selfish tendencies on to you. Yeet his sorry butt. You can do better.

RUN!

I see a lot of problems here, particularly about communication, expectations, boundaries and respect. I also feel there are aspects to this story that we're not hearing. However, the biggest problems: 1) He took the wedding dress back without telling her or getting her consent, 2) He called his mommy for support, 3) mommy came in and took his side and scolded the woman like a bad puppy. Run away. This marraige won't work. I've been married almost 30 years. Marriage is built on teamwork and communication and mutual respect.

R U N. While you can!!!! He has no say in what is "right" and "wrong" it needs to be a discussion and both respect eachothers views, what is this about rent a face? Excuse me? Fake hair? Things will only get worse!!!!! Dont wait to have kids!!!!

He's holding her money?!??!? Run for the MF hills, girl!

It's not just the dress. He doesn't like the flower girl or the venue either. Doesn't like the way you want to have your hair done. Or your face for that matter. It's like he doesn't care for much of anything that you want. How is it that the two of you have managed to stay a couple to the point of getting engaged? You have always given in to him, haven't you. You naively thought that he would let you have your 'special' day just this once. I know it's going to be hard but you have to end this. It will only get worse, not better. He will eventually criticize everything you do, say or want up to deciding who your friends are or whether you can even have one. I will go so far as to guess that he will not want to be bothered with children either. This might be the hardest thing you have ever done, but it is your life we are talking about here. It should be a happy one. I see nothing but misery in your current future.

he stole you dress... sold it... called his mummy who abused you... is withholding the money from the dress until you do things his way... and you still WANT to marry this pig? Lady... if you walk down that isle, you deserve every step of b******t you get. Take your damn money and run while you can.

From Reddit: he wants "to spend less and less even on other things not just wedding expenses. He has cut back on eating out and monthly purchases like electronics and furniture which to me sounds excessive." He may be having financial problems. Hence, the theft of her money.

Let me be perfectly frank. If this is how he gets with increased stress, I encourage you to think twice. Pregnancy also causes extreme stress and is when some women start experiencing physical abuse at the hands of their spouse. I did. It was fine first 2 years, then I got pregnant. It didn't stop after the baby was born.

Ditch the c**t.

He returned a dress she bought with her own money AND is withholding her money from her? Hell, no. Get the heck out of there! Like, now now.

Let me try this again. You are not the a******. You're probably going to marry him but you really shouldn't. He hijacked your f****** dress instead of talking to about it like your both equals.. Then he tried to guilt you into thinking that the way you are handling finances is is respectful to him but what he really meant is that not giving him control over finances is disrespectful to him. Then to add insult to injury he called his f****** mommy to tell on you...... So instead of having to deal with This pain i* t** a** guy you are going to have to deal with this pain i* t** a** guy and his mother for your whole life. So now hes holding your dress money hostage until you agree to discuss it with him which basically Means until you concede. Run as fast as you can.

Yikes! This guy sounds like a bully and a manipulator. The audacity of him...please run!

This feels very one-sided, considering she didn't mention the actual cost of the dress/wedding or how much disposable income they have. Without some more context, it's impossible to tell who messed up bigger here but these two don't seem compatible.

Wow. Do not go through with that marriage

Future (I hope not) hubby is now making his power move because she is almost his possession and as HIS possession, he will do what he wants. If they get a pet she's loves too much (no such thing) he will get rid of the pet. Their married life will be highly unpleasant. I'm stuck on he said "rent her face" and "wear fake hair". He's going to make sure she looks exactly what HE wants. This is a him him him marriage. As for the future mother in law, her attitude alone is why this won't work either. She should have told her son, to not involve her, it's none of her business. I hope this young lady realizes her worth and decides to not marry him.

I did post originally what I thought but I will say it again - this man is holding you emotionally & financially hostage through intimidation and blackmail. He stole your dress and has your money illegally. He wants you to give in to his demands on his terms and then he'll give you the money? Read that again 🚩

Please honey dump that "Stupid" soon to be husband & RUN!! He is not marriage material! Marriage is about being partners and understanding where each other is coming from! And don't even get me started on that "Future MIL"! She is definitely trouble! There are much better guys out there, you just have to be patient. ;-}

Don't settle. And don't sign and legally binding documents.

Dump him. Keep the engagement ring until your money is returned TO.THE.PENNY. if he does not return your money take him to small claims court.

Call off the wedding. I could see his point if you both are sharing expenses in the wedding & part of your wedding budget was spent mostly on the wedding dresses. However, that wasn't the case here. I try not to tell people to leave a relationship when I think it can be salvaged, but I think on this one, you need to leave him. There's so many red flags. 1.) he made a decision without your input 2.) he didn't see anything wrong with his actions which calls into question his boundary issues 3.) You both have different views on money management & finances is the 1 thing that married couple fight about 4.) do you really feel comfortable marrying a man who thinks he can just overrule your decision & felt they're entitled to your money? AND 5.) do you really want to start your married life dealing with this type of behavior? If not, get out now. Red flags only get worse

Let him keep the money and move tf out ASAP. Cheaper than a divorce. He isn't a red flag, he is whole azz tornado warning. Sirens going off. Get tf out now. He called his mother. RUNNNNNNNNNN FORRESSSSSST!

NTA!!! and, btw...RUN!!!! as for his accusation of "her setting the dynamics" for their marriage i think he is putting enough effort towards trying to control/conform her to his personal agenda. if she goes through with the marriage then she should expect things like this to continue. and, if she does agree to a cheaper or rental dress then she should pack away the excess money for a divorce lawyer as i could see this in the future. agree to his demands, get the money and then cancel and get all the refunds she can from deposits on venue, caterers, etc. hopefully, if no refunds are available he paid the deposits and she can stick it those to him.

I wonder if OP, after writing all of this, saw any irony in her near opening statement of "it's a once in a lifetime thing"?