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Woman Deeply Regrets Leaving Her Husband After 18 Years Together, Gets Perspective Online
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Couples will have their typical problems, and it will all boil down to how they handle each one. The lack of proper communication can and will erode that relationship bit by bit, until it eventually crumbles.
This was the seemingly inevitable scenario for this husband and wife, who began dealing with lingering financial issues. Their seemingly unsolvable difficulties blew up one day, prompting the woman to leave their 13-year union.
But after spending a few years apart, the woman suddenly began to feel strong waves of regret hit her to the point of near deterioration.
RELATED:
Divorces are often a rough time for a couple
Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)
For this husband and wife, their split was years in the making
Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)
The woman suddenly left, and it was a decision she began to deeply regret
Image credits: astrakanimages (not the actual photo)
She has since struggled to move forward and asked the internet for help
Image source: Wink-111
The emotional turmoil caused by divorce can sometimes leave people in a profound state of regret
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova (not the actual photo)
The woman admitted to feeling overwhelmed and almost debilitated by the emotional struggles left by the divorce, compounded by the physical pain of her health issues. Her inability to deal with her new situation may have led her to feel deep regret.
“This is especially true with the emotions that overwhelm the person’s ability to cope,” licensed clinical psychologist Ann Gold Buscho wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
Divorces indicate a collapse in the relationship, which may evoke guilt in one or both parties. It’s for this reason that a person also feels regret after their marriage ends, even if it was a sound decision.
“People quite often have regrets about separation or experience a sense of failure, shame, sadness, a lot of ‘if only,’” relationship therapist Ammanda Major told The Guardian.
Statistics show that 27% of women and 32% of men found themselves wallowing in regret in the aftermath of their divorce. So, how do you move forward from this?
Buscho provided a few actionable tips in her article, and one of them was to focus on personal growth. She emphasized learning better ways to be in a romantic relationship, developing communication skills, and tools to cope during moments of disagreement.
Her most important piece of advice: give yourself time to move on. And if necessary, she advises seeking professional help, not only to learn from the past, but also to prepare for the future.
Therapy may indeed help the author assess the situation and have a deeper understanding of why she feels regret. A professional may guide her through appropriate avenues to address her emotions and the necessary steps to move forward.
Advice poured in from readers as the woman answered questions in the comments
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What do you think ?
Livingwithcfs 2 days ago
Boy is she mucked up or what. My thought is she needs to force the divorce and sale of the house. He's left the relationship long before she left, it's almost a kind of a***e with his lack of engagement in their life. She really needs therapy as well
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
I think it would be very interesting to hear this story from the husband's POV.
JB 1 day ago
You’d be better off reading Lundy Bancroft’s “Why does he do that?”. Abusers invariably have a distorted perception or description of what happened. Endless justification for their actions or lack thereof and an underlying belief they are/were entitled to how they acted. I know exactly how my ex described our life together, he insisted on telling “his side” to all our mutual friends. It bore no resemblance to my lived experience. Fortunately, they knew both of us; he got a ton of pushback. Tried to tell them I’d poisoned them against him with my “whining”. One of our closest guy friends looked him dead in the eyes and said, “JB has never said a word against you. Even now, the only thing she has said is the divorce is based on irreconcilable differences. The bad things I’ve heard are entirely from you and, reading between the lines, she’s well rid of you.”
Load More Replies...
michael Chock 1 day ago
Husband was probably hiding a gambling or micro transaction a*******n. Big red flag when things are falling apart and one person refuses to discuss it.
Norfolk and good 1 day ago
Sounds like she regrets leaving, not because she still loves him and thinks they could have made it work, but because she's afraid of being alone. She's looking at it through rose tinted specs and conveniently forgetting the reasons why she was unhappy. Even if they got back together, I'd put money of the fact that she'd quickly realise her mistake within a few months and want to leave again.
Sofia 1 day ago
My dad uses to say that once left is forever. You broke something there is no way you can fix and start like before
Radha Gopinath Mandir 1 day ago
She definitely was not the one who broke something.
Load More Replies... K Barnes 3 hours ago
This seems to me like fiction a divorced man made up to scare off women from divorcing their useless partners. My partner won't communicate, is financially a*****e, and doesn't help out around the house so I left him. But now I'm so regretful, it's worth it to put up with someone like that, I didn't appreciate him, I have no purpose now. I don't actually think that's what it is, I think OP just needs therapy, but man.
R Dennis 1 day ago
I am likely going to get downvoted to oblivion, but: Does anyone else feel like she set herself up as the victim until the very end where she added her YEARS of negative behavior? I am not saying the husband is innocent, but this feels like it is intentionally crafted to obfuscate OP's roll in the situation. She should definitely get some counseling so she can figure out how she can move forward, whatever that may look like.
JB 1 day ago
Tell you what, spend over a decade in an abūsive relationship where it starts out all sorts of wonderful but over years the little things gradually snowball into a life you don’t recognize and you barely know yourself anymore. Do you think I wanted to end up responsible for everything household related including finances? Do you think it was unreasonable to bite my tongue to avoid a screaming match but attempt every now and again to explain he needed to do more? Do you think that after hours of verbal abūse, me cracking to tell him what an absolute shıt he was being was unjustified? Do you think I had any idea that he’d end up pushing me around and hurting me? It’s so fūcking easy to say “you should have…” NOBODY chooses to be a victim. In a relationship, it’s inflicted on you by someone you love. It’s bewildering and you can’t fathom the guilt or pain of trying to figure out what *I* did wrong to end up here.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 1 day ago
It kind of sounds like they deserve each other - she's a doormat and he just lies there like a cheap rug.
Livingwithcfs 2 days ago
Boy is she mucked up or what. My thought is she needs to force the divorce and sale of the house. He's left the relationship long before she left, it's almost a kind of a***e with his lack of engagement in their life. She really needs therapy as well
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
I think it would be very interesting to hear this story from the husband's POV.
JB 1 day ago
You’d be better off reading Lundy Bancroft’s “Why does he do that?”. Abusers invariably have a distorted perception or description of what happened. Endless justification for their actions or lack thereof and an underlying belief they are/were entitled to how they acted. I know exactly how my ex described our life together, he insisted on telling “his side” to all our mutual friends. It bore no resemblance to my lived experience. Fortunately, they knew both of us; he got a ton of pushback. Tried to tell them I’d poisoned them against him with my “whining”. One of our closest guy friends looked him dead in the eyes and said, “JB has never said a word against you. Even now, the only thing she has said is the divorce is based on irreconcilable differences. The bad things I’ve heard are entirely from you and, reading between the lines, she’s well rid of you.”
Load More Replies... michael Chock 1 day ago
Husband was probably hiding a gambling or micro transaction a*******n. Big red flag when things are falling apart and one person refuses to discuss it.
Norfolk and good 1 day ago
Sounds like she regrets leaving, not because she still loves him and thinks they could have made it work, but because she's afraid of being alone. She's looking at it through rose tinted specs and conveniently forgetting the reasons why she was unhappy. Even if they got back together, I'd put money of the fact that she'd quickly realise her mistake within a few months and want to leave again.
Sofia 1 day ago
My dad uses to say that once left is forever. You broke something there is no way you can fix and start like before
Radha Gopinath Mandir 1 day ago
She definitely was not the one who broke something.
Load More Replies... K Barnes 3 hours ago
This seems to me like fiction a divorced man made up to scare off women from divorcing their useless partners. My partner won't communicate, is financially a*****e, and doesn't help out around the house so I left him. But now I'm so regretful, it's worth it to put up with someone like that, I didn't appreciate him, I have no purpose now. I don't actually think that's what it is, I think OP just needs therapy, but man.
R Dennis 1 day ago
I am likely going to get downvoted to oblivion, but: Does anyone else feel like she set herself up as the victim until the very end where she added her YEARS of negative behavior? I am not saying the husband is innocent, but this feels like it is intentionally crafted to obfuscate OP's roll in the situation. She should definitely get some counseling so she can figure out how she can move forward, whatever that may look like.
JB 1 day ago
Tell you what, spend over a decade in an abūsive relationship where it starts out all sorts of wonderful but over years the little things gradually snowball into a life you don’t recognize and you barely know yourself anymore. Do you think I wanted to end up responsible for everything household related including finances? Do you think it was unreasonable to bite my tongue to avoid a screaming match but attempt every now and again to explain he needed to do more? Do you think that after hours of verbal abūse, me cracking to tell him what an absolute shıt he was being was unjustified? Do you think I had any idea that he’d end up pushing me around and hurting me? It’s so fūcking easy to say “you should have…” NOBODY chooses to be a victim. In a relationship, it’s inflicted on you by someone you love. It’s bewildering and you can’t fathom the guilt or pain of trying to figure out what *I* did wrong to end up here.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 1 day ago
It kind of sounds like they deserve each other - she's a doormat and he just lies there like a cheap rug.
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