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Family Divided After Mom Tells Pregnant Daughter She And Her Husband Will Not Raise The Baby
Family Divided After Mom Tells Pregnant Daughter She And Her Husband Will Not Raise The Baby
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Family Divided After Mom Tells Pregnant Daughter She And Her Husband Will Not Raise The Baby

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Your parents won’t always be there for you. At some point, you just have to take responsibility for yourself. But one woman still hasn’t figured this out—despite being in her 30s.

Last week, Reddit user BadGrandmother submitted a post to the popular ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, asking its members to share their take on a recent conflict the woman had with her pregnant daughter.

It basically revolves around the two of them disagreeing on who should raise the baby, but that’s me oversimplifying the situation; everything’s much more nuanced. So continue scrolling to read what happened and give your take in the comments.

RELATED:

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    Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)

    But they refused to do it and now the whole family is torn apart

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    Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Anastasiia Chepinska (not the actual photo)

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    More grandparents than ever are being put in a position like Kelly’s folks, becoming full-time parents again, often with fewer resources and more health problems than they had the first time around. Or in this particular case, the second.

    The arrangement is not new, of course—people raised by grandparents for at least part of their childhood include Maya Angelou, Carol Burnett, and two former presidents, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, but nowadays it’s simply more common than ever.

    The proportion of children living in grandfamilies has doubled in the U.S. since 1970—an increase some experts attribute to the opioid crisis.

    About 3 percent of American children live apart from their parents, and of those, nearly two-thirds are being raised by grandparents.

    Some 2.6 million grandparents are raising their grandchildren, either because of a temporary change in circumstance for the parents, such as military deployment or joblessness, or something more lasting and terrible, including mental illness, divorce, incarceration, and substance abuse.

    Kelly thinks it’s no big deal, but raising grandchildren can take a huge toll on grandparents: higher-than-normal rates of depression, sleeplessness, emotional problems, and chronic health problems like hypertension and diabetes; feelings of exhaustion, loneliness, and isolation; a sense of having too little privacy, and too little time to spend with their spouses, friends, and other family members. Not a bouquet you’d like to receive at the later stages of your life.

    Reportedly, there’s a disproportionately high rate of poverty among grandparents raising grandchildren, and more than 40 percent report having economic or social-service needs—for themselves or, more often, their grandchildren—that are unmet.

    I don’t know about you, but I think there’s no question that Kelly is the one who is being totally unreasonable here.

    Here’s the discussion that followed the confession















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    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

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    Kotryna Br

    Kotryna Br

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

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    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    What do you think ?
    Mary Rogers
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Since this woman brought up such an unreasonable expectation at a public occasion, then I see no reason why the grandparents could not also respond at that point. Had it merely been hinting that she might want her parents to raise the child, as it appeared to be in the first description, then I would have waited to discuss it privately. Basically this woman has no shame, she brought the embarrassment on herself by making her expectations known publicly. I do feel sorry for the granddaughter, who was caught in the middle of all of this.

    Kayla J
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am so horribly confused by Kelly's brain. She seems to be so excited about the birth announcement but also doesn't seem to even plan on raising the child at all. It's like she feels she is gifting her parents another child when they didn't even ask for one?

    Mary Rogers
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect the "excitement" is for show. What she really wanted was to put her parents on the spot where they would have to publicly commit to raising the child, or risk looking bad. Of course, she only made herself look bad instead.

    Load More Replies...
    Jane Thorne-Gutierrez
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Their daughter is a mess. So glad their granddaughter is not, thanks to them. They did and said the same as I would have. I think if they do have the baby, I would contact child protective services because they are completely irresponsible and if they keep that child, it will be a tragedy waiting to happen. The less contact with them, the better for all concerned.

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would contact child protective services too. They should at least keep an eye on the family if Kelly decides to have the child and then decides to not put it up for adoption

    Load More Replies...
    Agfox
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a friend in a similar situation. She divorced her husband when they were both in their late 60's, moved out into her own house on the other side of the city. Their 2 adult daughters sided with their Dad & were constantly criticising her for the divorce & asking her to reconcile with him but she refused. One of the daughters, who was single, ended up buying her own house not far from where my friend lived. The daughter decided to go to Uni as a mature age student & while there met a guy who'd been married & divorced twice & had 3 kids. She married him, he moved in with her & they had a child within the year. They were both still at Uni & the daughter decided her Mother would be happy to babysit several days a week. My friend, now in her 70's with an active life of her own, declined & was called 'selfish' & harassed for months but did not budge. Could not believe the daughter's audacity given how she treated my friend before & after my friend's divorce

    LongCoolWomanInABlackDress
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Happy to hear that your mother had a good, active life and did not let her entitled daughter guiltshame her into babysitting. I imagine she was not allowed to see her grandchild since she refused to babysit? Wouldn't surprise me if her daughter would have reacted this way

    Load More Replies...
    just me
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Careful. You said no, she might try to get Opal to raise the baby next.

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you don't want to take care of a kid, then DON'T HAVE A KID. It's not rocket surgery, for Pete's sake. (And it's not as if this selfish twit is being pressured out of an abortion either - by the sound of it she just plain doesn't care about anyone but herself).

    Lyone Fein
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is something seriously wrong with Kelly's understanding of reality. What has she been doing for the past 16 years? Has she made any financial contributions to her daughter's care? How has she avoided getting pregnant all these years? Why is she pregnant now? So many questions.

    Kate
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why abortion needs to be an option.

    Lyn Moffett
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor Opal and also poor grandparents being put on the spot that way. Your 33 year old daughter is extremely selfish and immature. You MUST stand your ground about the raising of this new baby. Your daughter should go in for sterilisation as she has no love to give a baby. She's thinking only of her own life while expecting you and your husband to raise yet another one of her cast offs!! She seems to think giving birth to a child ends her responsibility,, I have no doubt you will love this new child but you must stand your ground. Someone mentioned social services,, that's an idea,, although I have a strange feeling your daughter will end up losing this child to them as she has no care for anyone other than herself, I have a feeling you and your husband could very well end up raisi

    Lyn Moffett
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Part 2 of message. Husband will end up raising this new baby rather than see it put in care. What about the boyfriends parents? Bet your daughter doesn't expect them to put their lives on hold. It sounds like she resents the love and affection that you gave Opal and she is an awful person for how she treated her child. I can't call her Opals mother,, she was just Opals incubator as she never lost one nights sleep for Opal nor changed one diaper. My heart goes out to you all. Stand your ground. Your daughter is the extreme a""hole in this situation. Would love to know how this turns out.

    Load More Comments
    Mary Rogers
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Since this woman brought up such an unreasonable expectation at a public occasion, then I see no reason why the grandparents could not also respond at that point. Had it merely been hinting that she might want her parents to raise the child, as it appeared to be in the first description, then I would have waited to discuss it privately. Basically this woman has no shame, she brought the embarrassment on herself by making her expectations known publicly. I do feel sorry for the granddaughter, who was caught in the middle of all of this.

    Kayla J
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am so horribly confused by Kelly's brain. She seems to be so excited about the birth announcement but also doesn't seem to even plan on raising the child at all. It's like she feels she is gifting her parents another child when they didn't even ask for one?

    Mary Rogers
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect the "excitement" is for show. What she really wanted was to put her parents on the spot where they would have to publicly commit to raising the child, or risk looking bad. Of course, she only made herself look bad instead.

    Load More Replies...
    Jane Thorne-Gutierrez
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Their daughter is a mess. So glad their granddaughter is not, thanks to them. They did and said the same as I would have. I think if they do have the baby, I would contact child protective services because they are completely irresponsible and if they keep that child, it will be a tragedy waiting to happen. The less contact with them, the better for all concerned.

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would contact child protective services too. They should at least keep an eye on the family if Kelly decides to have the child and then decides to not put it up for adoption

    Load More Replies...
    Agfox
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a friend in a similar situation. She divorced her husband when they were both in their late 60's, moved out into her own house on the other side of the city. Their 2 adult daughters sided with their Dad & were constantly criticising her for the divorce & asking her to reconcile with him but she refused. One of the daughters, who was single, ended up buying her own house not far from where my friend lived. The daughter decided to go to Uni as a mature age student & while there met a guy who'd been married & divorced twice & had 3 kids. She married him, he moved in with her & they had a child within the year. They were both still at Uni & the daughter decided her Mother would be happy to babysit several days a week. My friend, now in her 70's with an active life of her own, declined & was called 'selfish' & harassed for months but did not budge. Could not believe the daughter's audacity given how she treated my friend before & after my friend's divorce

    LongCoolWomanInABlackDress
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Happy to hear that your mother had a good, active life and did not let her entitled daughter guiltshame her into babysitting. I imagine she was not allowed to see her grandchild since she refused to babysit? Wouldn't surprise me if her daughter would have reacted this way

    Load More Replies...
    just me
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Careful. You said no, she might try to get Opal to raise the baby next.

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you don't want to take care of a kid, then DON'T HAVE A KID. It's not rocket surgery, for Pete's sake. (And it's not as if this selfish twit is being pressured out of an abortion either - by the sound of it she just plain doesn't care about anyone but herself).

    Lyone Fein
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is something seriously wrong with Kelly's understanding of reality. What has she been doing for the past 16 years? Has she made any financial contributions to her daughter's care? How has she avoided getting pregnant all these years? Why is she pregnant now? So many questions.

    Kate
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why abortion needs to be an option.

    Lyn Moffett
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor Opal and also poor grandparents being put on the spot that way. Your 33 year old daughter is extremely selfish and immature. You MUST stand your ground about the raising of this new baby. Your daughter should go in for sterilisation as she has no love to give a baby. She's thinking only of her own life while expecting you and your husband to raise yet another one of her cast offs!! She seems to think giving birth to a child ends her responsibility,, I have no doubt you will love this new child but you must stand your ground. Someone mentioned social services,, that's an idea,, although I have a strange feeling your daughter will end up losing this child to them as she has no care for anyone other than herself, I have a feeling you and your husband could very well end up raisi

    Lyn Moffett
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Part 2 of message. Husband will end up raising this new baby rather than see it put in care. What about the boyfriends parents? Bet your daughter doesn't expect them to put their lives on hold. It sounds like she resents the love and affection that you gave Opal and she is an awful person for how she treated her child. I can't call her Opals mother,, she was just Opals incubator as she never lost one nights sleep for Opal nor changed one diaper. My heart goes out to you all. Stand your ground. Your daughter is the extreme a""hole in this situation. Would love to know how this turns out.

    Load More Comments
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