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“I’m Personally 99% Against”: Uncle’s ‘Paranoid’ Advice To Niece Turns Out To Be A Life Saver
Long-distance relationships can be hard, and sometimes even dangerous. There are about 14 million couples in long-distance relationships in the U.S., but in some of them, people may not really know their partners. That’s especially the case for those who have never met in person.
When this man’s niece wanted to meet her long-distance boyfriend for the first time, he spotted some red flags and raised caution. Apparently, the guy was keeping some serious secrets, and, thanks to her uncle, the young woman was able to uncover most of them, even when her parents told the uncle to shut up and mind his own business.
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A woman planned to see her long-distance BF for the first time, but her uncle raised a few red flags
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He didn’t like that the BF planned to fly her out to a hotel, had roommates at 32, and refused to come to her
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EssenceOfLlama81
Most commenters agreed with the uncle: “Very sketchy”
Others even shared similar experiences they’ve had
Image credits: Julio Lopez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The majority of daters online lie about something, but it’s making people feel increasingly less safe
Nowadays, you can find love anywhere, even online. Although many people have grown disillusioned with dating apps, others still choose to meet and get to know people online. With the number of long-distance couples in the U.S., it’s obvious that such a relationship model can work.
However, it’s also true that people are more likely to embellish the truth when they’re dating online. Researchers have found that 81% of daters admit to lying about at least one characteristic. Even people who use dating apps lie to the people they’re chatting with. According to another survey, 57% of online daters fake attributes such as their names, marital status, location, and appearance.
While we may feel inclined to brand people who lie on their dating profiles as liars in general, it’s not exactly true. Researchers find that lying about one’s weight or height doesn’t imply that they will be just as likely to lie about their marital status or other, more important things. Experts say that people mostly lie on their dating profiles to appear more attractive. That’s why, for example, men tend to embellish their height, and women tend to underestimate their weight.
With online dating one of the main ways people meet, concerns about safety are taking center stage, too. A 2023 Pew survey shows that only 48% of online daters believe that it’s safe. Six in 10 Americans also think that companies that run online dating apps should do background checks on their users.
Image credits: Katerina Holmes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
First face-to-face meetings should always be done with extra caution
The abundance of lies online underscores the importance of caution when entering a long-distance relationship. Granted, not all long-distance relationships start online; in many cases, partners meet in person. According to one study, 60% of long-distance couples meet face-to-face at least once a month, with an average of 1.5 meetings per couple.
Chatting online is one thing, but meeting a person in real life is another. As the woman in this story experienced, it’s important to take some safety precautions and be aware of red flags when you’re getting to know someone online.
Although the young woman had been “dating” the man for a few months, many of the safety tips experts give women when meeting their dates for the first time apply here. The crucial ones include meeting in a public place, planning your own transport, and never letting your date pick you up from your home or the airport. These are just the basic safety tips, but the uncle was right to worry about the boyfriend’s suspicious behavior throughout the dating period, too.
Experts usually name these three as the most common red flags in a long-distance relationship: avoiding communication, secrecy, and controlling behavior. The boyfriend in this story almost exhibited all three: he wasn’t transparent about having a child, refused to let the girlfriend meet the roommates, and planned their first meeting on his own terms.
People can fall in love without ever seeing each other face-to-face, but some basic safety measures are essential, especially for women. As the UK’s National Crime Agency (NCA) reports, 83% of victims of violence in first face-to-face online dating meetings are women. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
The uncle advised his niece to verify some information before going to meet her BF
Image credits: EssenceOfLlama81
Two weeks later, some concerning information about the BF came to light
Image credits: kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EssenceOfLlama81
“Good on you for asking the tough questions,” the commenters reacted
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FluffyDreg 12 hours ago
Long distance relationships simply aren't that odd anymore, but it IS good to be safe about it. I am dating someone I met online who is about 15 years older than me. But she didn't hide anything. We were close friends for over a year, and she shared with me her struggles, divorce, kids, and I shared mine with her. I also knew where she was working, the address she lived at (i sent her flowers for valentines day) and we were meeting in a different city. While its fair to be skeptical, and attempt some research. It simply being long distance is not automatically a red flag.
Tabitha 10 hours ago (edited)
I met my husband online back in 2000, before online dating was really a thing. We didn’t meet on a dating website either, it was an email pen pal website. He was in the UK and I was in the US. We started out with just the emails, before exchanging pictures, so got to know each other from the inside out. Then we exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone. I knew he was a good guy when he called me from his mother’s house and put her on the phone with me. Internet pervs and losers like the guy in the article don’t put their mothers on the phone to meet their long distance girlfriends. When we decided we were serious about each other, HE flew out to ME. He took on the expense and the time and effort to come to me. We decided if we didn’t like actually being in tg3 same room together p, then he’d leave and there would be no hard feelings. That never happened. Needless to say, we ended up getting married in 2001, he moved to the US, we now own our own business together, and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Now, we were both in our thirties, not twenties, so more experienced with the negative aspects of life and relationships, and we were very lucky that neither of us was trying to trick the other, like the guy in the article. So we were better equipped to handle disappointment if it didn’t work out. These days, however, I would advise anyone in a similar situation to be careful, and get as much information as you can about anyone you meet online, especially if they’re long distance. Ask the right questions, and listen carefully to the answers. Pick up all the clues you can, to better understand exactly who you’re talking to. If my husband had not put his mother on the phone with me, I don’t know if we would’ve ever gotten married. I was lucky, not everyone is, so just be careful. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand why you’re hesitant, and will do everything he can to prove his worth to you. If he does then great, if he doesn’t then run.
FluffyDreg 12 hours ago
Long distance relationships simply aren't that odd anymore, but it IS good to be safe about it. I am dating someone I met online who is about 15 years older than me. But she didn't hide anything. We were close friends for over a year, and she shared with me her struggles, divorce, kids, and I shared mine with her. I also knew where she was working, the address she lived at (i sent her flowers for valentines day) and we were meeting in a different city. While its fair to be skeptical, and attempt some research. It simply being long distance is not automatically a red flag.
Tabitha 10 hours ago (edited)
I met my husband online back in 2000, before online dating was really a thing. We didn’t meet on a dating website either, it was an email pen pal website. He was in the UK and I was in the US. We started out with just the emails, before exchanging pictures, so got to know each other from the inside out. Then we exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone. I knew he was a good guy when he called me from his mother’s house and put her on the phone with me. Internet pervs and losers like the guy in the article don’t put their mothers on the phone to meet their long distance girlfriends. When we decided we were serious about each other, HE flew out to ME. He took on the expense and the time and effort to come to me. We decided if we didn’t like actually being in tg3 same room together p, then he’d leave and there would be no hard feelings. That never happened. Needless to say, we ended up getting married in 2001, he moved to the US, we now own our own business together, and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Now, we were both in our thirties, not twenties, so more experienced with the negative aspects of life and relationships, and we were very lucky that neither of us was trying to trick the other, like the guy in the article. So we were better equipped to handle disappointment if it didn’t work out. These days, however, I would advise anyone in a similar situation to be careful, and get as much information as you can about anyone you meet online, especially if they’re long distance. Ask the right questions, and listen carefully to the answers. Pick up all the clues you can, to better understand exactly who you’re talking to. If my husband had not put his mother on the phone with me, I don’t know if we would’ve ever gotten married. I was lucky, not everyone is, so just be careful. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand why you’re hesitant, and will do everything he can to prove his worth to you. If he does then great, if he doesn’t then run.
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