You’re never quite sure what you’re marrying into family-wise, which makes the in-laws somewhat of a lottery.
While some people luck out and find a second set of parents or siblings, others are left with their partner’s family members trying to steal their baby. That’s what happened to this redditor after she gave birth to a baby, whom her SIL offered to “take off her hands”. Scroll down to find the full story below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interviews with two experts, Assistant Professor of Health Communication at the University of Connecticut, Elizabeth Hintz, and Professor of Sociology at the University of Maine, Amy Blackstone, who were kind enough to answer a few of our questions regarding the topic of (not) having children.
Welcoming a new addition to the family is typically a joyous occasion
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual image)
This redditor was shocked to hear her SIL offer to take her newborn “off her hands”
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual image)
Image credits: Candid_Nose_9809
Having children is a common topic nowadays, and seemingly so are jokes about it
“These jokes are extremely common; so common that they are often called ‘bingos’, as they are so predictable that one could play a game of ‘bingo’ and win,” Asst. Prof. of Health Communication Elizabeth Hintz told Bored Panda, referring to people joking about “stealing” someone’s baby.
“However, despite being common, these jokes can breed feelings of resentment, hostility, and negatively affect relational satisfaction and trust,” she continued. “As a result, people can become estranged—voluntarily choose to stop associating with a family member—or the person subjected to these jokes can be marginalized, excluded for being different from other family members.”
The expert pointed out that it’s not only the type of jokes that is popular, but talks about children in general. “Children are a popular topic of conversation among adult friends and family members,” she said, adding that another running joke says that nowadays, the question “do you have children?” for 20 or 30-something-year-olds is the equivalent of “what’s your major?” for college students.
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual image)
Many people choose not to have children for one reason or another
Despite people being constantly asked about having children, quite a few of them choose not to nowadays. A 2021 survey by Pew Research Center found that a rising share of adults in the US who weren’t parents yet said that they were unlikely to ever have children, with their reasons ranging from simply not wanting to to concerns about the environment.
“There are many reasons people opt out of parenthood. Some state that they don’t want to become parents and for them that is enough. Today many millennials and Gen Z’ers cite concerns related to climate change, overpopulation, and the economy,” said Amy Blackstone, Professor of Sociology at University of Maine and author of the book ‘Childfree by Choice’.
But there are also people seemingly stuck in between, not yet sure about whether or not to have children. “While we know that people who identify as childfree—having made the explicit and intentional choice to never become a parent—do not tend to change their minds, we know less about those who may be on the fence. Though, recent patterns show a decline in childlessness among women who have neared the end of their child bearing years.”
Image credits: Dương Nhân (not the actual image)
It’s important to distinguish between childfree and childless people
As (not) having children is a rather common topic, there are common misconceptions related to it, too. “There is often a stereotype that people who do not have children do not want them—choose to be childfree—but oftentimes people without children are struggling with infertility—are childless—although still very much desiring children,” Elizabeth Hintz emphasized as an expert in navigating challenging health-related conversations.
She discussed a study she took part in carrying out, which examined 30 years of news coverage about childfree people, and found that very rarely did news publications differentiate between childfree and childless people. That’s how the harmful stigma associated with childfreedom is sometimes inappropriately applied to childless people.
“Imagine trying to conceive and struggling with infertility while being chastised for not having children because others mistakenly assume you do not want them. These conversations can add undue stress and conjure feelings of added grief for couples dealing with infertility,” Hintz pointed out.
Prof. Amy Blackstone seconded the idea that one should be careful with childbearing-related comments and assumptions. “We should never make assumptions about why someone does or does not have children,” she told Bored Panda. “It can be especially painful when a non-parent who wants children encounters someone who assumes that they have intentionally opted out of parenthood.”
Dr. Blackstone added that the journey to conceive can be long and emotionally trying; that makes it likely that the OP’s SIL was undergoing a lot of stress, too, when she made the comment about the woman’s baby. And while some netizens suggested that the redditor keep a close eye on her and the child, others believed she should cut some slack to the sister-in-law going through a challenging time.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual image)
Many people thought that this was not a joke
Some believed, though, that the redditor overreacted
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For those who think that OP was overreacting, I have but one question: are you absofreakinglutely SERIOUS?! The SIL is in serious need of psychological help. She is determined to get the baby by any means; her comment was not a joke. In OP's shoes, there would be no way on God's green earth that I would allow that unhinged woman near my child. What's to stop her from taking the baby out for a stroll--and not returning? Or showing up at the house when she knows that the parents will be gone, forcing her way in, kidnapping the baby, and possibly injuring the babysitter? New locks, security cameras, and maybe even a restraining order should somewhat deter the SIL from her quest.
Agreed, even if it was a joke there are enough examples of it actually happening that SIL should be getting all the flack for even saying this. NCMEC estimates over 70% of kidnappings are done by a family member
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For those who think that OP was overreacting, I have but one question: are you absofreakinglutely SERIOUS?! The SIL is in serious need of psychological help. She is determined to get the baby by any means; her comment was not a joke. In OP's shoes, there would be no way on God's green earth that I would allow that unhinged woman near my child. What's to stop her from taking the baby out for a stroll--and not returning? Or showing up at the house when she knows that the parents will be gone, forcing her way in, kidnapping the baby, and possibly injuring the babysitter? New locks, security cameras, and maybe even a restraining order should somewhat deter the SIL from her quest.
Agreed, even if it was a joke there are enough examples of it actually happening that SIL should be getting all the flack for even saying this. NCMEC estimates over 70% of kidnappings are done by a family member
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