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Woman Tired Of Getting Locked Out Of Her House By Lazy Housemates, Teaches Them A Lesson
Interview With Expert
We’ve all encountered inconsiderate people at some point. And as a sensible human being, taking the high road would be the advisable course of action.
However, there will come a point when tolerating their abhorrent behavior is no longer an option. By then, you must set boundaries to send the message that what they’re doing is no longer acceptable.
This was a quandary a woman found herself dealing with while living with some insensitive housemates. She finally took action one day, which made her realize something about herself.
RELATED:
Taking the high road is the sensible response to an inconsiderate person
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This is what a woman initially did when she dealt with some insensitive housemates
Image credits: Sinitta Leunen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, their behavior had become more and more intolerable for her
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She finally took action one day, but wondered whether she went too far in doing so
Image credits: Sensitive-Pack4666
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Deciding to “ghost” someone you live with is a use of power or force
Based on the author’s account, she had been enduring her housemates’ insensitivity for a while before she began ghosting them. Apart from letting them know that their behavior was becoming unbearable, it may also have been her way of exerting power.
“Choosing to engage or not is forceful,” Conflict First Aid founder Joan Feringa told Bored Panda. “Silence and shutting down can be bullying, even when it is a form of self-preservation, for both internal or external and sudden or chronic needs.”
However, ghosting may also be a sign of a lack of skills or confidence to handle conflict. It did take a while for the author to take action, after all, which may indicate her lack of desire for confrontation.
“Whether this comes from lack of practice, or a trauma response (think ‘flight’ in fight or flight), the person is choosing withdrawal, rather than conflict resolution, as a coping strategy,” licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Margaux Flood said, noting that ghosting can feel safer, especially if they fear escalation or don’t trust their ability to calmly hold boundaries.
So, how do you go about resolving conflicts with people you live with? Feringa says timing is key.
“The secret is to see timing and time (say, ‘a day’ or ‘3 months’…or ‘right now’) as part of the answer – or part of the problem. Discerning that, as part of what and how the problem came to be and is solved, can change everything, whether it is a one-time problem or a pattern of toxic behavior.”
Meanwhile, Flood says repair begins with accountability, without trying to justify your actions.
“Roommates do not have to be best friends, but it is important that everyone feels safe and valued by the people they share a home with,” she said, while also stressing that dealing with roommate conflict shouldn’t be done via text, as it creates room for interpretation. She only recommends doing so for safety reasons or when documentation is needed.
Unfortunately for the author, the issue was never actually resolved. It may be best for her to find another place to live.
Commenters were unanimous in their reactions as the woman addressed some questions
She shared an update three weeks later
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She confronted the people she had a problem with, but reached no definite resolution
Image credits: Gui Spinardi / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She also revealed her plans to find another place to live
Image credits: Sensitive-Pack4666
Commenters showed support for her next move
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What do you think ?
Kate Johnson 4 days ago
The second time someone stole my food I would have gotten a lockable mini fridge and a lock box for my food and kept them in my room behind a locked door. I'd be looking for new roommates for sure.
Thanos'Fingers 4 days ago
That's nice of you. I would've poisoned the bananas. But that's why I'm not a therapist.
Load More Replies...
JL 4 days ago
Like some have mentioned, that spare key is a security risk, but having a lock requiring a key on both sides of the door is a life hazard. If a fire breaks out and you need the key inside to open the door, you could go up in flames.
Thanos'Fingers 4 days ago
Try again. Lock doesn't work if key is on the inside. OPs whole beef was them leaving the key in the door, and not bringing it back to the windowsill, which locked her out.
Load More Replies...
Kari Lynn 4 days ago
You can't teach people in the throes of d**g a*******n to do anything remotely responsible. They will become completely homeless before they spend $5 to make a copy of a house key, because they're useless idiots.
Mike F 4 days ago (edited)
It's not just "substances" that cause tunnel vision. I had housemates that were so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they were forever living their own lives and not giving a d@mn how they inconvenienced others. I was the only one who went to work in the morning and my room was directly over the door. They would stand on the lawn and holler up at my room to wake me up and let them in. The people who lived in the basement (a married couple) would get high and bring randos home from the bar to bang/get banged by, a complicated situation. They were forever eating my stuff or giving it away to the guys they brought home. I just decided that I don't have to be friends with them so I just stopped worrying about it and left them to their own devices to get into the apartment.
Load More Replies...
Bobby Elgee 4 days ago
OMG! Let me point out that this is agroupmof adults here, at least one of which is such a b**b that she has to engage the interent to bail here out?
Crystalwitch60 4 days ago
Thank god other than husbands n my kids I’ve never had to have roomies ,hell to the f right off no, would I be taking this kinda shite, thankfully it’s not a thing in uk, they do have HMO,S houses of multiple occupancy, but you all have own rooms with locks on and strict rules about guests ie no one not on the lease is allowed to stay over ,n food wise ,most have kitchenettes in the rooms with space for a proper size fridge, so u only use the communal kitchen for cooking, common sense basically , these people sound exhausting ,hope she finds a new place asap
Julie S 4 days ago
Of course it's a thing in the UK lots of people rent places and need room mates to help pay the rent, if you're lucky it's a good friend but a lot of the time it's strangers.
Load More Replies...
Spencer's slave no longer 4 days ago
No. What she should have done is insist the freeloaders apply for, and sign on, as tenants. If they refused, they don't get to be there at all. Ever. For any reason.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 4 days ago
The second time someone stole my food I would have gotten a lockable mini fridge and a lock box for my food and kept them in my room behind a locked door. I'd be looking for new roommates for sure.
Thanos'Fingers 4 days ago
That's nice of you. I would've poisoned the bananas. But that's why I'm not a therapist.
Load More Replies... JL 4 days ago
Like some have mentioned, that spare key is a security risk, but having a lock requiring a key on both sides of the door is a life hazard. If a fire breaks out and you need the key inside to open the door, you could go up in flames.
Thanos'Fingers 4 days ago
Try again. Lock doesn't work if key is on the inside. OPs whole beef was them leaving the key in the door, and not bringing it back to the windowsill, which locked her out.
Load More Replies... Kari Lynn 4 days ago
You can't teach people in the throes of d**g a*******n to do anything remotely responsible. They will become completely homeless before they spend $5 to make a copy of a house key, because they're useless idiots.
Mike F 4 days ago (edited)
It's not just "substances" that cause tunnel vision. I had housemates that were so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they were forever living their own lives and not giving a d@mn how they inconvenienced others. I was the only one who went to work in the morning and my room was directly over the door. They would stand on the lawn and holler up at my room to wake me up and let them in. The people who lived in the basement (a married couple) would get high and bring randos home from the bar to bang/get banged by, a complicated situation. They were forever eating my stuff or giving it away to the guys they brought home. I just decided that I don't have to be friends with them so I just stopped worrying about it and left them to their own devices to get into the apartment.
Load More Replies... Bobby Elgee 4 days ago
OMG! Let me point out that this is agroupmof adults here, at least one of which is such a b**b that she has to engage the interent to bail here out?
Crystalwitch60 4 days ago
Thank god other than husbands n my kids I’ve never had to have roomies ,hell to the f right off no, would I be taking this kinda shite, thankfully it’s not a thing in uk, they do have HMO,S houses of multiple occupancy, but you all have own rooms with locks on and strict rules about guests ie no one not on the lease is allowed to stay over ,n food wise ,most have kitchenettes in the rooms with space for a proper size fridge, so u only use the communal kitchen for cooking, common sense basically , these people sound exhausting ,hope she finds a new place asap
Julie S 4 days ago
Of course it's a thing in the UK lots of people rent places and need room mates to help pay the rent, if you're lucky it's a good friend but a lot of the time it's strangers.
Load More Replies... Spencer's slave no longer 4 days ago
No. What she should have done is insist the freeloaders apply for, and sign on, as tenants. If they refused, they don't get to be there at all. Ever. For any reason.
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