Woman Can’t Understand Why She Struggles To Find A Man, Friend Gets Blatantly Honest
Many people hope to meet their knight in shining armor or the girl of their dreams, whatever the qualities these definitions entail for them. And while that typically involves setting certain standards, going overboard with them might mean never getting to meet said individuals in real life.
This redditor has recently told one of their acquaintances that she should lower the standards she has set for a potential partner or try to meet them herself. However, the suggestions were taken as fat-shaming, consequently stirring up drama in the friend group.
Finding a romantic partner is not equally easy for everyone
Image credits: Tim Samuel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This woman was told to either improve herself or to lower her standards for a potential partner if she wants to find one
Image credits: Chloe / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gary Barnes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andres Ayrton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wild-Implement215
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Setting unrealistic standards might make finding a partner close to impossible
Setting certain standards for a potential partner is a pretty important step when diving into the dating pool. Typically based on desired features—be it inside or out—it helps an individual to paint a clearer picture of what it is they hope to find in a significant other; and that might be necessary, in order for people not to end up with someone who’s in no way a good match for them.
However, having standards that are too high can result in never getting to meet that special someone. Stumbling upon someone who ticks a hundred boxes is difficult, if at all possible, especially since we only get to meet a certain number of people throughout our lifetime. Take Ted Mosby, for instance, the character from the beloved How I Met Your Mother series, who was told that out of the 9 million people in New York, there are only 8 women suitable for him. (Season 1, episode 7 if you want to rewatch it.)
While Love Solutions—the matchmaking agency that helped Ted do the math—is fictitious, curious individuals nowadays can reportedly check how many individuals meet the expectations they have set. The standards calculator presented by Keeper allows those living in the US to learn what percent of people in the country live up to their standards.
Based on said calculator, Lola’s standards for a potential partner—such as being over six foot two, making six figures, and not being obese, as the person must be a frequent visitor to the gym—are only met by 0.24% of all men in the United States. (That is if you exclude married men and use the suggested age gap of 22 to 42.)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Dating has seemingly gotten more difficult over the last decade
Research on gender differences in standards for relationships revealed that both men and women in heterosexual relationships found such set expectations to be similar in importance; however, females noted it more that their standards were met less fully than their male counterparts did.
Whether their standards are seemingly excessive or not, quite a few people find dating increasingly difficult nowadays. According to a Pew Research Center survey, nearly half of adults in the US believe that dating has become harder in the last decade.
While both men and women report equal levels of dissatisfaction with dating, there are some gender-based differences here, too, as single-and-looking females are more likely to say that they have encountered particularly negative experiences (such as harassing behaviors) while dating.
According to another survey carried out by said research center, one more dating-related thing that has changed quite drastically over the last decade is online dating, which seemed to have boomed over a rather short period of time. Back in 2022, roughly one-in-ten partnered adults—those who are married, in a committed romantic relationship, or living with their partner—said that they have met their current significant other through a dating site or app.
In their story, the OP revealed that Lola has tried her luck at online dating, too. But unfortunately, it seemingly didn’t bring much luck, which, in the redditor’s eyes, might have something to do with the somewhat unrealistic standards the woman has set.
According to the OP, if you want to be with someone who takes part in certain hobbies or fosters certain habits, it might be best if you show interest in them, too, which is the opinion she shared with Lola. But despite Lola considering it fat-shaming, such views didn’t make the OP a jerk in the eyes of redditors, which they expressed in the comments section.
Fellow netizens didn’t consider the OP a jerk in the situation
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
NTA. Lola asked for advice and got it. Only, instead of the false praise she was expecting to receive, OP, as tactfully as possible, told her the hard truths she needed to hear. Her list of expectations for a future husband are rather unreasonable. It's a good thing that Lola heard it from a friend, and not someone she wanted to date. A sugar-coated lie is like antifreeze: sweet to the taste, but does more harm than good.
As a lawyer friend told me, never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.
That's my dad's advice. My lawyer's advice is to never ask a question you don't already know the answer to.
Load More Replies...
Lola is delusional, along with the friend who said "Lola is worthy and deserving of a great guy and doesn't need to change herself."
That's true, except that Lola needs to recognise that a great guy is not just what is on her laundry list of expectations. She will find no guy and keep wondering why forever, the only real friend advice she has received is from the OP.
Load More Replies... NTA. Lola asked for advice and got it. Only, instead of the false praise she was expecting to receive, OP, as tactfully as possible, told her the hard truths she needed to hear. Her list of expectations for a future husband are rather unreasonable. It's a good thing that Lola heard it from a friend, and not someone she wanted to date. A sugar-coated lie is like antifreeze: sweet to the taste, but does more harm than good.
As a lawyer friend told me, never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.
That's my dad's advice. My lawyer's advice is to never ask a question you don't already know the answer to.
Load More Replies... Lola is delusional, along with the friend who said "Lola is worthy and deserving of a great guy and doesn't need to change herself."
That's true, except that Lola needs to recognise that a great guy is not just what is on her laundry list of expectations. She will find no guy and keep wondering why forever, the only real friend advice she has received is from the OP.
Load More Replies...
47
55