Woman Can’t Recover After Visiting New BF’s Home For The First Time, Asks What She Should Do

Everyone has different norms and conditions they are willing to accept from a potential partner. While some red flags are nearly universal, people tend to have pet peeves that get to them more than they might bother others. But sometimes, some issues are very apparent.

A woman asked the internet what she should do when she visited her boyfriend’s home for the first time and discovered that it was absolutely filthy and he seemed ok with it. Readers were quick to tell her this is a major red flag and most were surprised she wasn’t sure what to do with him.

Visiting a new partner for the first time can be quite the learning experience

Cluttered bedroom with clothes scattered on the floor and unmade bed, reflecting a woman’s visit to a man’s home.

Image credits: wikornr (not the actual photo)

But one woman found that her BF’s place was horribly messy and unsanitary

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his filthy and messy home for the first time

Text excerpt showing a woman explaining her OCD tendencies and standards for cleanliness in her house before meeting a man.

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man but feels shocked and disappointed upon visiting his messy, dog-filled home.

Alt text: Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home filled with dog hair and grime needing deep cleaning

Text describing a woman’s reaction to a man’s messy home, highlighting her doubts about meeting the perfect man.

Young woman sitting on couch looking concerned, reflecting on meeting a perfect man before visiting his home

Image credits: nosovaolha (not the actual photo)

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home with strong dog urine smell and messy garden revealed.

Alt text: Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man but feels uneasy about spending time at his home due to cleanliness and dogs.

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man but discovers unexpected mess and lack of effort at his home.

Text image showing a woman confused about liking a man despite one issue, related to meeting the perfect man at his home.

Text on a plain white background showing a message about offering help and giving gentle suggestions, relating to woman meeting a perfect man.

Image credits: merrygoroundsss

Some men don’t seem to register cleaning as a task that needs to be done

It’s one of life’s enduring enigmas: how can an adult male work, pay his taxes, maybe even barbecue like a Michelin-starred chef, and remain utterly baffled by the concept of gathering socks from the carpet or cleaning up after their dogs? Some men, bless them, seem to consider cleanliness an optional side mission rather than a bare-bones survival skill.

For these guys, the living room isn’t a shared space, it’s a display case in the museum of bachelor existence titled “Bachelor Pad, Circa Forever.” The laundry basket is more of an attraction and less of a heap, more like a miniature mountain range rising steadily in the corner. Dishes piling up in the sink don’t count as “dirty” until they’ve attained some sort of geological age, and as a bonus, a thin veneer of fuzz to present evidence of their evolution. To them, it’s not a daily chore to clean a counter but an epic struggle, worthy of the appropriate mood, the appropriate soundtrack, and a day’s worth of procrastination.

And they don’t lack it, precisely, just possess a weird ability to categorize mess as “background.” That pizza box on the floor isn’t trash, it’s the environment. Those socks strewn about the ground aren’t messy, they’re just reclining in their natural habitat. That dust bunny community under the couch? That’s just a small group of loyal pets, living undisturbed without attention or time-out.

More astounding is the mental contortions involved. Somehow, a fellow able to remember every statistical tidbit of his favorite sporting team of the last decade cannot, for the life of him, remember where the dish towels are stored in the drawer. He’ll operate a power drill without hesitation but lock up like a deer in headlights when confronted with a vacuum cleaner. It’s as if there is an inner switch that says, “This is women’s magic. Do not use.” Of course, there are also enough cases of women having dirty homes that we can’t conclude that this is exclusively a male trait, but the trend is clear enough.

Man vacuuming in modern kitchen inside home, suggesting unexpected glimpse into perfect man's living space.

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

Sometimes the cause of this is the simple fact that they were never taught to do it in the first place

Of course, not every man is a criminal of this nature, but for the ones who are, cleanliness manifests in a universe coexistent with their own. Cleaning for them is not so much “doing it now” and more “waiting until the mess comes to life and gives you notice and requires a green card.” When confronted, the most common excuse is, “But I was going to do it!”, a term which, when translated, usually boils down to “at some undefined point in the distant future, perhaps when the stars are in conjunction.”

And yet, despite the chaos, there’s something nearly cute to it. The raging belief that a messy room is still somehow very livable, the juvenile shock when they actually do clean and find, “Wow, this place is great!”, as if they’d unlocked an in-game secret level. It’s infuriating and comical, the endless tug-of-war between adult responsibility and the internal teen who still thinks deodorant counts as cleaning. Sometimes people do have over-the-top and downright strange house rules, but there are some “normal” standards that everyone should follow.

In the end, the puzzle remains unsolved. Why can’t some men get out of their houses in the right order? Maybe it’s cultural, maybe it’s habit, or maybe, maybe it’s because they quietly know someone else will eventually cave and do it. Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure, if adulthood could be gauged solely by the tidiness of one’s laundry basket, many men would still be waiting to graduate.

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man, cleaning his modern living room while he works on a laptop on the couch.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

She gave some more details later

Text post from a woman sharing her experience and thoughts after meeting a man and visiting his home.

Most thought the relationship was doomed

Alt text: woman thinks she’s met a perfect man but discovers unexpected truth when visiting his home

Alt text: Woman reflects on meeting a perfect man until she visits his home and discovers unexpected flaws.

Text message on screen advising dumping a man after visiting his home in a story about a woman meeting the perfect man.

Woman looks thoughtful while sitting at a table in a cozy home, imagining meeting the perfect man before visiting his house.

Comment on woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home, discussing cleanliness and compatibility concerns.

Alt text: Comment expressing disgust about a man’s laziness and low standards revealed after visiting his home

Woman looking thoughtful and surprised while standing in a modern living room, reflecting on meeting the perfect man.

Woman reacting with disgust upon visiting man’s home, questioning his hygiene and cleanliness standards.

Text message conversation about staying overnight at a man’s house discovering messy conditions and dirty sheets.

User comment expressing concern about incompatibility and stress related to a woman thinking she’s met a perfect man.

Commenter discussing a messy house and unclean toilet as a red flag when a woman thinks she’s met a perfect man.

Woman thinking she met perfect man, surprised by condition of his untidy home during her visit.

Text excerpt describing disappointment after visiting a perfect man’s home, highlighting poor hygiene and cleanliness.

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home and discovers unexpected details that change everything.

Commenter expressing discomfort with a dirty home, relating to a woman’s visit to a perfect man’s house.

Alt text: Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man but discovers issues after visiting his home and noticing red flags.

Screenshot of a forum comment warning about a man’s out of control behavior, related to woman meeting perfect man.

Screenshot of a woman’s comment expressing discomfort about visiting a man’s house after thinking she met the perfect man.

Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home and discovers a messy, unpleasant living space.

Alt text: Woman thinks she’s met a perfect man until she visits his home and discovers signs of neglect and lack of motivation.

Text post discussing a woman discovering the true habits of a man when she visits his home revealing his real behavior.

Text post discussing shock and disappointment after a woman visits a man’s home and finds it filthy and disrespectful.

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