Parents Groom Teen To Be Caregiver For Stepsister, Are Shocked When She Refuses The Role

If there’s one life lesson we should all learn above all else, it’s that life is utterly unfair. And, unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about it. Some people are born with everything, while others are deprived of everything. Some have money, fame, and universal love, while others are even born with serious health issues… Why does this happen? No one can actually answer.

The story we’re about to tell you today, first told by the user u/TarryStar, can actually evoke mixed feelings. On the one hand, someone really should be responsible for the disabled child. On the other hand, why should it be the older stepsibling, who was already treated unfairly by her parents?

More info: Reddit

Taking care of a disabled person is a huge responsibility, so it could be utterly unfair when someone tries to put that responsibility on another person’s shoulders

Young woman preparing to become caregiver for disabled stepsister in a bright kitchen, showing care and support.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The author of the post is 19 years old, and 4 years ago, her father married a lady with 2 little kids

Text excerpt about a 19-year-old resisting preparation for caregiver role for disabled stepsister with severe disabilities.

Text describing a medically fragile child with worsening condition, related to caregiver role preparation for disabled stepsister.

Text discussing family preparing 19-year-old for caregiver role for disabled stepsister and facing refusal.

Text about preparing a 19-year-old for caregiver role and struggles with disabled stepsister’s care responsibilities.

Image credits: TarryStar

Young woman discussing caregiver role with couple at a table, showing hesitation about disabled stepsister care.

Image credits: pch.vector / Freepik (not the actual photo)

One of the author’s stepsiblings is a 9-year-old girl who is disabled – she can’t talk and can’t even feed herself

Text excerpt showing a person refusing to prepare for the caregiver role for a disabled stepsister.

Text excerpt showing a conversation about preparing a 19-year-old for caregiver role for disabled stepsister, with tension.

Text message conversation describing a 19-year-old refusing the caregiver role for disabled stepsister and facing anger.

Text about a 19-year-old being prepared for caregiver role for disabled stepsister and refusing to accept it.

Text discussing a 19-year-old refusing the role of caregiver for disabled stepsister, causing family conflict.

Image credits: TarryStar

Young woman refusing caregiver role while couple argues about preparing her for disabled stepsister’s care at home.

Image credits: ollyy / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Recently, the author’s father and stepmom asked the author if she could overtake the responsibility of caring for her stepsister with time

Text discussing preparing a 19-year-old for the caregiver role for a disabled stepsister and family disagreement.

Text excerpt discussing challenges and resistance in preparing a 19-year-old for caregiver role for disabled stepsister.

Text message exchange showing refusal to prepare 19YO for caregiver role for disabled stepsister and resulting conflict.

Couple discusses preparing 19YO for caregiver’s role for disabled stepsister, showing tension as she refuses the responsibility

Image credits: TarryStar

The author’s answer was a flat-out “No,” and she even reminded the disappointed dad about his recent attempt to steal from her savings

So, the Original Poster (OP) is now 19 years old, and four years ago, her dad married her stepmom, “Bea,” a mom of two kids, “Kayley” and “Jace,” then aged 5 and 2, respectively. Unfortunately, Kayley is seriously disabled; she can’t talk, can’t feed herself, has tubes attached, and is extremely fragile. Both parents try to provide her with proper care, but they recently wondered what would happen when they themselves get old.

Jace is still too young, so the author has been chosen by the parents as the primary caregiver. At the same time, she admits that she neither considers Bea her mother (even though her biological mom hasn’t been in the picture since her very birth), nor considers Kayley and Jace her siblings. The OP lives independently, has a job, and has no intention of shouldering this burden.

In response to her father’s reproaches, our heroine reminded him of how he tried to use the savings the OP’s grandparents had given her to cover Kayley’s medical needs. And when the grandparents refused, he tried to blackmail them by threatening to forbid them from seeing their granddaughter altogether. And so, with mutual recriminations, the conversation ended.

After some time, Bea called the author back and asked if she had changed her mind. Receiving another negative response, the stepmom lashed out at the author with accusations and outright insults, claiming that her dad would never do anything good for her again. The OP again reminded him of how he had tried to steal from her and he hung up. And so, the teen decided to take this online – just to vent about it.

Young woman standing near window, looking at phone, reflecting on caregiver role preparation for disabled stepsister.

Image credits: nensuria / Freepik (not the actual photo)

It should be noted that there are two angles to this situation: legal and moral. While from a legal perspective, the original poster is under no obligation to be a caregiver for her stepsibling, from a moral perspective, the viewpoints may differ. Experts, in particular, note that even biological siblings are not legally obligated to take care of one another.

“The sister has no legal requirement to do so, but she may feel a moral obligation depending on the alternatives,” this dedicated post on ElderLawAnswers claims. Regardless, caring for any disabled person is a huge responsibility, and it falls primarily on parents.

“Making personal and financial decisions for someone else is an enormous responsibility,” this article on the Special Needs Alliance web portal says. Anyway, it’s worth remembering that a significant portion of parental attention in raising children is inevitably devoted to the disabled sibling, so the other kids in the family may experience mental problems because of this, the article adds.

Regarding our story, most commenters sided with the OP, although they noted that her flat-out refusal may seem cruel. However, in any case, her father’s attempt to steal from her is far more wrong and inappropriate, the responders are pretty much sure. So what’s your opinion on this case? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

The commenters’ views were very divided, but most of them supported the teen and agreed that it was her parents’ responsibility, not hers

Reddit conversation discussing a 19-year-old being prepared for caregiver role for disabled stepsister and refusal conflict.

Online forum discussion about a 19-year-old refusing caregiver role for disabled stepsister in a family conflict scenario.

Reddit comment discussing a 19-year-old's refusal to prepare for caregiver role for disabled stepsister.

Text conversation discussing caregiver role responsibility for disabled stepsister and refusal to accept the role.

Comment on caregiver role preparation for disabled stepsister where 19YO says no and causes family tension.

Comment discussing challenges in preparing a 19-year-old for caregiver role for disabled stepsister.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing caregiver role preparation and refusal for a disabled stepsister.

Commenter explains being pressured to become caregiver for disabled stepsister, refusing the role despite family’s anger.

Text excerpt discussing a 19-year-old refusing caregiver role for disabled stepsister amid family pressure.

Commenter discussing a 19-year-old refusing caregiver role for disabled stepsister and the family's reaction to it.

Text post from Reddit user que_he_echo commenting on caregiver role burden for disabled stepsister and refusal.

Comment from user explaining refusal of 19-year-old to prepare for caregiver role for disabled stepsister.

Reddit comment discussing a 19-year-old refusing caregiver role for disabled stepsister and family conflict over it.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a 19-year-old being prepared for a caregiver role for a disabled stepsister.

Comment discussing a stepmother pressuring a 19-year-old to become caregiver for disabled stepsister and expressing frustration.

Comment discussing caregiver role preparation and refusal for disabled stepsister and family conflict over responsibility.

Comment discussing a 19-year-old refusing caregiver role for disabled stepsister and dealing with family expectations.

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