Parents Send A Christmas Card To Their Daughter After A Year Of Not Talking And Decide To Include A Hurtful Message Which Goes Viral With 2.6M Views
Christmas is considered to be Jesus Christ’s birthday and a religious holiday, but in recent years, the religious aspect is fading and in Western cultures, it is becoming just an opportunity for families to get together and spend time watching wholesome movies and eating delicious food.
The winter holidays are a cheerful period for a lot of people who don’t have time to be with their families during the year. On the other hand, there are people who don’t have family to share the Christmas spirit with or don’t get along as well.
This woman on TikTok was reminded by her family that they are still not on good terms with each other when she got a Christmas card from them. While she realized that it was a good decision to cut her family out of her life, it still hurts.
More info: TikTok
Woman cut ties with her parents last year but received a Christmas card, although it wasn’t a pleasant surprise
Image credits: basilshome
The woman’s TikTok account is called Basil’s home as its first video is dedicated to her hamster Basil’s new home that he happily explored. She introduces herself as a “disabled queer human” and the account now has just a few videos and nearly 7k followers, but one of them went viral with 2.6 million views.
In that video, she decided to share a Christmas card she received from her parents. In any other case, it wouldn’t be weird, but the TikTok user started off by saying that she actually went no-contact with them after Christmas last year.
Christmas is a time to spend with your family, but some people are painfully reminded that they don’t have one or don’t have a good relationship with them
Image credits: basilshome
Image credits: basilshome
The first thought that came to mind was that maybe the parents would like to reconcile, especially because it was addressed to her and her partner, and that was what the beginning of the message in the card suggested.
But the last line read “I hope you can live with yourselves,” implying that there is something that their daughter did that they don’t approve of. The woman’s reaction to the message was relief that she did cut ties with her parents.
The TikTok user revealed that she is one of those people who has had no contact with her parents for a year, but she still got a Christmas card
Image credits: basilshome
Image credits: basilshome
Many people in the comments assumed that the falling out in the family was because the parents were homophobic, but in an update video, she explained that this is a big issue straining many people’s relationships with their parents, but it is not her situation.
She doesn’t go into detail about what were the reasons for going no contact as they are personal, but it wasn’t just one thing and it wasn’t sudden.
Also, there were a lot of people who noticed that her hands were shaking and believed it was because of horror or anger or an emotion in general, but the TikTok user has tremors, so she shakes all the time, and in reality, she feels her life is better now that she doesn’t speak to her parents.
The message started hopefully, but it ended with “I hope you can live with yourselves” referring to the woman and her partner
Image credits: basilshome
Image credits: basilshome
While we don’t know the reasons behind her distrust toward her parents, she is not the only one who has chosen to cut them out of her life once grown up. According to some sources online, it’s actually becoming a trend.
BBC says that “Despite a lack of hard data, there is a growing perception among therapists, psychologists and sociologists that this kind of intentional parent-child ‘break-up’ is on the rise in western countries.”
Many people assumed that the parents were homophobic, but the woman assured viewers that it was not the case without going into details about what happened
Image credits: basilshome
Professor of human development at Cornell University, Karl Andrew Pillemer, conducted a survey on estrangement and he found that more than a quarter of Americans who are 18 or older have cut off their contact with a family member.
He also looked into the cases when the estranged family members reconciled and shared that the strategy that worked was focusing on the present and the future of the relationship instead of trying to accept one another’s views and apologizing.
Family members managed to restore their relationships when they stopped trying to change the other person and adopted more realistic expectations. It wasn’t the only thing people did: “Other helpful strategies included talking with relatives who had not taken their side, journaling – including writing narratives from the estranged relative’s perspective – and seeking counseling individually or with the relative, when possible.”
But the message made the TikToker realize that it was a good decision to stop communicating with her parents
@basilshome Friendly reminder to believe people when they show you who they are. #narctok #nocontact #holiday #holidaycard #badparents ♬ original sound – Basil’s home
There might be situations where a child doesn’t even want to reconcile with their parents, but hopefully if the TikToker has a feeling that it can happen, her wish will come true.
We would like to hear your thoughts on this woman’s situation. Why do you think the parents would send a card? Why would they include the hurtful message? Do you think relationships with parents are worth saving? Let us know in the comments.
Viewers agreed and joked about her dog not approving the message her parents wrote
Your new sister (Me!) hopes you have a wonderful holiday! Sending lots of love!!
You and OP have another sister in me! :D and a new “nephew” dog in my puppy since OP probably doesn’t get to see Toby any more :(
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Merry Christmas from your " brother" in Va. I hope you two have a Happy Year.
Merry Christmas/holiday love from your "sister" in NC! Not trying to sound weird.
Load More Replies...
This passive agressive approach shows clearly what kind of people OP is dealing with. They are selfish, rude and unable to forgive or do some self reflection. A decent person who reached out to an estranged relative would be sad, show remorse about the estrangement and try to reconcile. No loving parents could ever write something like that that's only meant to hurt the recipient. There's nothing nice in this gesture. It's only to remind OP that they're still there and still angry that OP cut them off and set boundaries. They are egoists who are still bitter they're not getting their way. And this card is all that's needed to see this.
It's comforting and reassuring to know I'm not the only one. However, I'm not reinforcing no-contact. I got no one blocked. Don't need to. My dad and terrible step-mom send me the odd email. They're chock-full of passive aggressiveness, but I can't always tell. I don't want a relationship with my dad anymore, after he's not bothered trying too hard. They both made it clear I'm not considered a close-knit family member to be invited to big family events. After not hearing from my dad in a year, his wife pm me saying my dad has been trying to email me. I got no emails from him. She asks if I moved. Nope. She says she wasn't sure if I moved to my "dream place", because they know I'm in a long distant relationship and I know they don't like it. It was so cringy I nearly spat out what I was eating in the middle of the lunch room. (Interesting factoid, the place my boyfriend lives, that I do want to move to, is in a country my dad was considering moving to when he was married to my mom. LOL)
I went no contact with my mother a little more than ten years ago because of her toxicity. Last year in August, I got a phone call informing me that she had died. She was found face down in her living room. Nobody had heard from her for at least a week. The coroner said that she had been dead for four or five days, based on the condition she was found in. In other words, without actually saying it, he was saying she was covered in flies and was decaying. For any of you who have a strained relationship with one or both of your parents, please show this comment to them, and ask them if that's the future they want for themselves.
I lived 3000 miles away from my father and my sister was his caretaker while he deteriorated from Alzheimer's. I visited twice, First time, I told my sister that I was only coming to see him and her, no one else. Went off without a hitch. Second time, my sister let slip I was coming to my mother (parents divorced, mom lived alone.) I didn't really want to see my mother as she had a very toxic and manipulative personality. But I thought I'd give her another chance. No more than 10 minutes of conversation and she's telling me how she yelled at the mailman in her lobby because it was her 4th day without mail. She made sure to also accuse my sister of stealing my Dad's money before she left. Reminders of why I stopped talking to her.
That’s so mean. To your own kid. I’m estranged from my mom too but she’d never send me this nasty kind of message.
The parents are petty and cruel. I'd return the card with a note saying "Thanks for reminding me of why you're not in my life".
I don't get it, but logically i understand the homophobia hatred. Fine cut them out of your life. Whatever. But this kind of c**p is the part I don't understand. What is the benefit to this? What's the virtue of it? Do you feel this would be what God would want you to do, if it's a religious issue? I will never understand the need for religious people to constantly try to save everyone. Do you really want to see these people in heaven that you hate so much? So stop trying to save them. And why is it your job to speak for God? I think if you're religious that he is the only one to judge. Not you. He hasn't appointed you his voice on earth. So let God sort it out. And if it isn't a religious thing, why would you want to continue to sit in this kind of hatred? Aren't you tired? Ugh. I will just never understand homophobia. It's nuts. I hope you and your partner have a great holiday and if you want to respond to them, simply send them a picture of you being happy because that is what will win every time. If you responded with hatred back then they win.
A nice card to Toby, wishing him season's greetings and at the end a "psst. I hope they treat you better than they treated me, although I can never trust them of that and by chance you need a new LOVING home, you’re welcome. You are the onlynone who loved me unconditionally, I will always visit your grave when you pass over the rainbow bridge."
My mother would leave us cards on the kitchen table after she decided we'd suffered from her silent treatment long enough. The card wasn't an apology from her, just reiteration of what awful children we were and how we wounded her. Our transgressions were normal kid s*** that most parents would either ground their kids for or just ignore. She ruined cards for me. I hate getting any kind of greeting card from anyone. They all go into the trash because just seeing the card triggers me. I finally went no contact 6 years ago.
For a second I thought my mother had a secret family… sounds exactly like her. The anxiety those first couple of months after cutting contact was awful. Kept expecting her to show up at my house and try to bust down the door, or for her to go after my animals when I wasn’t home. Thankfully, she seems content with just pretending that I don’t exist
You mother seems to have missed bonding with you. If she did she could not just decide she no longer loves you because you love someone. When will people just leave others alone with their happiness?? Any one of my 3 kids could tell me their gay although I bet I would know already and it would mean the same as being in love with anyone else. I just want my adult kids happy in their lives.
OK this hits very close to home for me, I raised two young men, that turned out to be gay young men, but first and foremost, those young men are my sons, and nothing on gods green earth will ever change that first fact they’re my boys, their lifestyle is not my lifestyle, but I will never ever walk away from them because of their lifestyle. I have embraced their partners and I have loved their partners. My younger son has been in the same relationship since he is 18. He’s now 29. My older son has kind of jumped around from relationship to relationship but nonetheless , I have cared for every person he’s ever been with, and I will never ever ever walk away from any of my children and shame on these parents for doing so
I've been NC with my parents for so long and grown a backbone since, that if they sent something like this, I'd just send one back saying "Merry Christmas! I hope you can live with the knowledge that you failed so hard at parenting that I don't want anything to do with you and am THRIVING without you. Hope you have a great new year!" XD
And Mom and Dad, if you're going to look down at someone disdainfully, at least display knowledge of fourth grade grammar. It's 'yourself" not "yourselves". Unless you've driven away two or more children - which is highly plausible.
I think it's time to give up reaching out after 10+ years with no contact. Just stop; there's no point
Your new sister (Me!) hopes you have a wonderful holiday! Sending lots of love!!
You and OP have another sister in me! :D and a new “nephew” dog in my puppy since OP probably doesn’t get to see Toby any more :(
Load More Replies... Merry Christmas from your " brother" in Va. I hope you two have a Happy Year.
Merry Christmas/holiday love from your "sister" in NC! Not trying to sound weird.
Load More Replies... This passive agressive approach shows clearly what kind of people OP is dealing with. They are selfish, rude and unable to forgive or do some self reflection. A decent person who reached out to an estranged relative would be sad, show remorse about the estrangement and try to reconcile. No loving parents could ever write something like that that's only meant to hurt the recipient. There's nothing nice in this gesture. It's only to remind OP that they're still there and still angry that OP cut them off and set boundaries. They are egoists who are still bitter they're not getting their way. And this card is all that's needed to see this.
It's comforting and reassuring to know I'm not the only one. However, I'm not reinforcing no-contact. I got no one blocked. Don't need to. My dad and terrible step-mom send me the odd email. They're chock-full of passive aggressiveness, but I can't always tell. I don't want a relationship with my dad anymore, after he's not bothered trying too hard. They both made it clear I'm not considered a close-knit family member to be invited to big family events. After not hearing from my dad in a year, his wife pm me saying my dad has been trying to email me. I got no emails from him. She asks if I moved. Nope. She says she wasn't sure if I moved to my "dream place", because they know I'm in a long distant relationship and I know they don't like it. It was so cringy I nearly spat out what I was eating in the middle of the lunch room. (Interesting factoid, the place my boyfriend lives, that I do want to move to, is in a country my dad was considering moving to when he was married to my mom. LOL)
I went no contact with my mother a little more than ten years ago because of her toxicity. Last year in August, I got a phone call informing me that she had died. She was found face down in her living room. Nobody had heard from her for at least a week. The coroner said that she had been dead for four or five days, based on the condition she was found in. In other words, without actually saying it, he was saying she was covered in flies and was decaying. For any of you who have a strained relationship with one or both of your parents, please show this comment to them, and ask them if that's the future they want for themselves.
I lived 3000 miles away from my father and my sister was his caretaker while he deteriorated from Alzheimer's. I visited twice, First time, I told my sister that I was only coming to see him and her, no one else. Went off without a hitch. Second time, my sister let slip I was coming to my mother (parents divorced, mom lived alone.) I didn't really want to see my mother as she had a very toxic and manipulative personality. But I thought I'd give her another chance. No more than 10 minutes of conversation and she's telling me how she yelled at the mailman in her lobby because it was her 4th day without mail. She made sure to also accuse my sister of stealing my Dad's money before she left. Reminders of why I stopped talking to her.
That’s so mean. To your own kid. I’m estranged from my mom too but she’d never send me this nasty kind of message.
The parents are petty and cruel. I'd return the card with a note saying "Thanks for reminding me of why you're not in my life".
I don't get it, but logically i understand the homophobia hatred. Fine cut them out of your life. Whatever. But this kind of c**p is the part I don't understand. What is the benefit to this? What's the virtue of it? Do you feel this would be what God would want you to do, if it's a religious issue? I will never understand the need for religious people to constantly try to save everyone. Do you really want to see these people in heaven that you hate so much? So stop trying to save them. And why is it your job to speak for God? I think if you're religious that he is the only one to judge. Not you. He hasn't appointed you his voice on earth. So let God sort it out. And if it isn't a religious thing, why would you want to continue to sit in this kind of hatred? Aren't you tired? Ugh. I will just never understand homophobia. It's nuts. I hope you and your partner have a great holiday and if you want to respond to them, simply send them a picture of you being happy because that is what will win every time. If you responded with hatred back then they win.
A nice card to Toby, wishing him season's greetings and at the end a "psst. I hope they treat you better than they treated me, although I can never trust them of that and by chance you need a new LOVING home, you’re welcome. You are the onlynone who loved me unconditionally, I will always visit your grave when you pass over the rainbow bridge."
My mother would leave us cards on the kitchen table after she decided we'd suffered from her silent treatment long enough. The card wasn't an apology from her, just reiteration of what awful children we were and how we wounded her. Our transgressions were normal kid s*** that most parents would either ground their kids for or just ignore. She ruined cards for me. I hate getting any kind of greeting card from anyone. They all go into the trash because just seeing the card triggers me. I finally went no contact 6 years ago.
For a second I thought my mother had a secret family… sounds exactly like her. The anxiety those first couple of months after cutting contact was awful. Kept expecting her to show up at my house and try to bust down the door, or for her to go after my animals when I wasn’t home. Thankfully, she seems content with just pretending that I don’t exist
You mother seems to have missed bonding with you. If she did she could not just decide she no longer loves you because you love someone. When will people just leave others alone with their happiness?? Any one of my 3 kids could tell me their gay although I bet I would know already and it would mean the same as being in love with anyone else. I just want my adult kids happy in their lives.
OK this hits very close to home for me, I raised two young men, that turned out to be gay young men, but first and foremost, those young men are my sons, and nothing on gods green earth will ever change that first fact they’re my boys, their lifestyle is not my lifestyle, but I will never ever walk away from them because of their lifestyle. I have embraced their partners and I have loved their partners. My younger son has been in the same relationship since he is 18. He’s now 29. My older son has kind of jumped around from relationship to relationship but nonetheless , I have cared for every person he’s ever been with, and I will never ever ever walk away from any of my children and shame on these parents for doing so
I've been NC with my parents for so long and grown a backbone since, that if they sent something like this, I'd just send one back saying "Merry Christmas! I hope you can live with the knowledge that you failed so hard at parenting that I don't want anything to do with you and am THRIVING without you. Hope you have a great new year!" XD
And Mom and Dad, if you're going to look down at someone disdainfully, at least display knowledge of fourth grade grammar. It's 'yourself" not "yourselves". Unless you've driven away two or more children - which is highly plausible.
I think it's time to give up reaching out after 10+ years with no contact. Just stop; there's no point
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