“Oh Boy, Did I Get Proof”: Woman Shocked After BF’s Family Sides With Thief Despite Evidence

It’s not without reason that the saying “When you marry someone, you marry their family” is so common. Even though these words may prompt an eye roll from some people, there’s a lot of truth in them. Whether the couple just started dating, is in a serious relationship, got engaged, or is already married, their parents and siblings are bound to be involved in their relationship and even have an impact on it—for better or for worse.

This woman seemed to be getting along fine with her boyfriend’s family until she noticed that his sister was taking things from her. To address this issue, she first decided to get some proof beforehand. After she succeeded, she confronted the sibling, but it definitely didn’t go as she expected.

Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with licensed marriage and family therapists Tyana Tavakol and Matthew Mangiapane, who kindly agreed to chat with us more about complicated relationships with in-laws.

Whether the relationship is new or long-term, partners’ families are bound to be involved in it

Woman sitting in chair, looking thoughtful, alongside a blurred figure and plant.

Image credits: Meg Aghamyan (not the actual photo)

This woman seemed unfazed by this fact, until her boyfriend’s sister started taking things from her

Text about a woman setting up a camera to catch boyfriend's sister stealing items like shampoo and clothes.

Text about noticing things going missing due to forgetfulness before a significant incident occurred.

Text recounting a woman setting up a camera to gather evidence of conditioner being used.

Text detailing a woman's suspicion about her boyfriend's sister stealing conditioner.

Text about setting up a camera for proof of boyfriend's sister stealing.

Text describing evidence of boyfriend’s sister stealing from a personal bag.

Text reveals confrontation over evidence of boyfriend's sister stealing.

Text screenshot about setting up a camera for evidence, discusses family conflict over permission and theft.

Text exchange showing a tense conversation involving trauma and responsibility.

Text on screen discussing feelings about setting up a camera for evidence.

A security camera with blue and pink lighting, used for capturing evidence.

Image credits: Jakub Żerdzicki (not the actual photo)

Text details about a woman’s boyfriend, his sister, and family finances.

Text about visible camera used as evidence of stealing.

Text describing a setup to catch evidence of stealing, mentioning skincare and purses in a bedroom corner.

Text about an overwhelming situation affecting a personal relationship.

Image source: Adhdprincesspeach

75% of couples experienced problems with an in-law

Two women sitting on a couch, looking away from each other, reflecting tension and evidence-seeking.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)

Most people don’t go into a relationship expecting to have difficulties with their partner’s parents or siblings. However, gaining a new family isn’t always as smooth as one hopes for. A US study from 2022 found that both men and women tend to have more conflicts with their partner’s side of the family than their own. Meanwhile, 2008 findings reported that 75% of couples experienced problems with an in-law. 

In-law relationships tend to be tricky due to changes in family dynamics that aren’t necessarily open to change, says licensed marriage and family therapist Tyana Tavakol. “When you have a family that operates in a rigid system, for example, a matriarchal or patriarchal family that operates on having control, and you bring someone into the system that operates differently, this is considered a subconscious threat.”

While with your own family, it’s more likely that you have more common ground and interests, the overlap in common agreement with in-laws is smaller, which is also reason enough to complicate in-law dynamics, says licensed marriage and family therapistMatthew Mangiapane.

“Differences in opinion alone can lead to significant arguments and disagreements, especially when you view it in the context of the partner relationship in conflict with in-laws: Who defends who? When is it appropriate to side with your spouse instead of your family?”

The relationship that is especially tricky among in-law family dynamics is between a female spouse and her sister-in-law. Even though sisterly bonds are known to be strong and special, this isn’t often the case with these two family members.

“Maybe they’re very close to their own sister/brother, and a new spouse can feel like an encroachment on their lifelong relationship,” Mangiapane said. “It can feel like they’re losing their best friend, but instead they should think of it as a way of broadening their own connections.”

In-law relationships aren’t always a lost cause

Two women in a kitchen, one with short hair and glasses, preparing food, the other holding a basket.

Image credits: Stephanie Berbec (not the actual photo)

The good news is that in-law relationships aren’t always a lost cause. If you fell to the more difficult spectrum in your partner’s family, Mangiapane suggests addressing the matter with open communication.

“In many family situations, communication is absolutely key to resolving issues that come up. There may be a time and place to truly have effective conversations, but be open about your feelings with each other. It’s okay to disagree with each other, but do it in a way that shows you still respect and value each other’s positions,” he advised.

“Pause the conversation if it’s getting too heated, and come back later on to address it with a calmer headspace. Focus on your internal thoughts a bit to gather what you’re really feeling and why. Listen actively, but nonjudgmentally. We all have different worldviews that shape our lives, and maybe how your in-laws see one situation is simply an alternative way of perceiving a situation. Don’t be dismissive, but respect yourself too.”

Tavakol adds that to improve in-law dynamics, it could be beneficial to let go of expectations and find ways to merge the in-law and partners’ cultures.

“For example, in merging more into the in-law family, learning traditions or values the in-law family has and participating in them; asking questions and being curious about their backgrounds and why their values are so important to them, it’s possible to lead with curiosity instead of misunderstanding and frustration. If partners bring their own cultures into the family, they can share more stories about how they grew up and introduce their own family’s traditions.”

However, sometimes there’s no possible way to reach a harmonious relationship with the in-laws. In this case, Tavakol recommends keeping in mind that not everyone has to get along and stresses the importance of partners having a united front.

“More conflict comes from mixed messages (e.g., the partner saying they are not ok with something and the in-law’s child saying it’s fine) than a united front. When both partners are on the same page about their boundaries, how they’re going to allocate their time, and what they will and will not tolerate as treatment from in-laws, it may create an initial rise in tension in the in-law family system, it makes a huge difference.”

The woman provided more information in the comments

Reddit conversation discussing expensive conditioner and dealing with a narcissistic mother.

Reddit comments discussing setting up a camera for evidence of stealing.

Reddit comments discussing evidence of boyfriend's sister stealing, with users sharing advice and experiences.

Comments discussing boyfriend's depression episodes and current situation.

Discussion about evidence of boyfriend's sister stealing, with video proof mentioned in online comments.

Reddit discussion about setting up a camera for evidence of theft by boyfriend’s sister.

Text exchange about boyfriend’s sister stealing and relationship concerns.

Reddit comments discussing suspicion and evidence related to theft incidents.

Conversation discussing evidence of BF’s sister allegedly stealing essential oils.

Some readers were on her side

Comment discussing advice on not returning to a house and avoiding the sister after stealing evidence is captured.

Online comment discussing someone taking belongings and suggesting not to return.

Online comment advising woman on boyfriend's sister stealing, mentioning video evidence.

Reddit comment discussing impact on relationship after woman sets up camera for evidence against boyfriend’s sister.

Text conversation discussing evidence of boyfriend’s sister stealing, expressing disbelief and frustration.

Comment advising a woman against leaving belongings at her boyfriend's house due to his sister's alleged theft.

Comment about catching someone stealing, mentioning 'Conditioner Bandit' and advice to stay away for peace.

Screenshot of a comment advising a woman to break up with her boyfriend after getting evidence of his sister stealing.

Text comment discussing gaslighting, proof, and accusations of theft involving a daughter.

Comment by Git00 discussing a response to a mom, related to evidence of sister stealing.

Text response about a woman setting up a camera to get evidence of her boyfriend's sister stealing.

Reddit comment discussing someone not being at fault, advising against visiting a certain house.

Comment advising to report the theft and expose the woman and daughter to their social circle.

While others had a different perspective

Comment discussing setting up a camera to catch boyfriend’s sister stealing, with differing opinions on actions taken.

Comment discussing the ethics of setting up a camera for evidence against a sister.

Text comment discussing setting up a camera and issues of stealing and snooping.

Comment discussing woman's camera setup to catch boyfriend's sister stealing.

Text comment discussing privacy concerns related to setting up a camera for evidence.

Text discussion criticizing setting up a camera for proof of stealing, mentioning issues of privacy and justification.

Comment discussing the ethics of setting up a camera for evidence of someone's sister stealing.

Comment criticizing camera setup for evidence of stealing, mentioning privacy and legal issues.

Screenshot of a comment discussing the legality of setting up a camera for evidence of stealing.

Comment criticizing a woman setting up a camera, discussing privacy concerns.

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