“I Left And Proceeded To Bleach My Eyes”: 32 Food Delivery Drivers Share The Oddest Things They’ve Seen

That one time I followed a weird middle-aged guy into his basement for a life-affirming surprise...

Delivering pizzas, my attitude is that nothing can really go wrong so long as I drive carefully, avoid muggings, and never enter a customer's home. When I was younger and hadn't yet adopted that last rule, I delivered a proper stack of pizzas to a really nice house in a very wealthy neighborhood, where I was greeted by a classic mid-50s suburbanite guy. I had like 50lbs of pizzas, and he was just vibrating with excitement like a little kid asking me if I wanted to see something amazing in his basement, where the pizzas were going anyway.

Yeah it sounds like a lot of red flag, but from his vibe and the amount of pizza he'd ordered I figured he was having some kind of game night with his buddies and was eager to show off his layout, entertainment system, bar, etc... Wealthy guys love showing the sweet toys they worked for to broke younger folks, and when you're working for tips sometimes an "oooh" or an "aaah" at a car or in-home luxury you don't care about is worth an extra $10.

So I followed him into his huge house, preparing myself to express amazement at his whatever. We got down to the basement, and it was a puppy party. A true and actual puppy party, some sort of adoption event he'd set up for his kids b-day. Exactly as I'd expected, there was a classic rich guy basement with a full bar and pool table and wall wall-sized entertainment center and huge sectional couch, and recliners. What I didn't expect was a gaggle of 8th-grade girls playing with DOZENS of puppies being supervised by handlers. Every kind of puppy I could imagine.

I set the pizzas down on the bar and just sat on the floor and squealed and giggled while puppies tried to eat the smell of pizza off of me, succeeding only in devouring my heart through my face. After a few minutes, I stood up, all teary-eyed and flushed with happiness, and the guy just grinned his understanding at me, gave me an envelope of cash, and sent me on my way. The hit of oxytocin and serotonin from those puppies still warms me years later... Puppy party, man. My life is fuller knowing that it can even happen.

I was delivering chicken (KFC). My worst stop was pathetic, really. I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell "I GOT IT", he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends "The chicken a**hole's here! The chicken a**hole's here!!", after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.

I asked if they could hand me the money, they laughed and just threw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder. So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split. Told the boss what happened, and if they call to complain, I won't listen or apologize; I'll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed. Good boss.

The delivery instructions were to "Beat on the door like you're the cops, and then rawr like a T-Rex to scare my kids." I did this, but a small, extremely confused lady answered the door. Apparently, the husband had written those instructions for a prior delivery and had not realized that delivery instructions copied over to the next delivery if not deleted.

Took a big pizza order to a college dorm. It was just under $200. When I went there, I knew the code to get in because I had been a dorm head in the same building a few years earlier, and there was one door with a code instead of swipe card. I knew exactly where the room was, so I knocked, and the guy opened it and said, "Hold on," and closed the door. I heard an alarming amount of movement in the tiny dorm.

And about 2 minutes later, they opened the door with no lights on. In the dorm were around 15 dudes all in cloaks and holding lightsabers. One addressed me as Master Jedi of the zaa technique. I was laughing so hard I almost dropped their drinks. They tipped like 100 bucks and said I could join their club anytime. It was amazing.

One night I have a delivery to a pretty rural area. A lot of my deliveries are to rural areas, so no big deal. But tonight it's drizzling and especially dark, so I'm having trouble finding the address of the house I'm looking for. So I roll down the passenger window and use my (really bright) flashlight, pointing it at mailboxes/trees/posts/ anything that somebody might have their address on at the end of their driveway.

So I'm driving along at like five miles an hour, pointing my flashlight when the beam catches a guy wearing a black hoodie at the end of an obviously long gravel road staring directly. At. Me. More of a glare at me, really. But whatever, it could just be on the phone or something. Then it gets weirder. I finally find the address I'm looking for and pull into the drive, and hop out of the car. That's when I get the sinking feeling. No cars, no house light, boarded up windows. If you've ever been a delivery person, you know that this is the time to gtfo of there because you're about to get robbed.

Right as I'm about to jump in, throw the car into reverse, and nope the f**k out of there, I see a man walking across the empty field adjacent to the property towards me. Now I'm a pretty burly, bearded dude, so I don't worry a whole lot about deliveries, but this scared the s**t out of me. When he gets closer, I see him very obviously tucking something into his waistband, which I can only assume was a gun.

He then says in a thick, menacing southern accent, "I thought you were the law" (I guess because of how I was scanning the addresses). I meekly point to my car topper and the pizza in my hand, and he says in the nicest voice you've ever heard, "Oh, great! Thank you so much! Have a great night!" Pays me, and proceeds to walk back through the open field, in the direction of no buildings, in the rain, with his pizza. For the rest of my shift, I couldn't stop whispering, "What. The. F**k." Strangest thing that's ever happened to me.

Had a large order of pizzas going to a conference room of a hotel. Nothing too out of the ordinary, until I open the door and approximately 500 pugs turn their head simultaneously at the man who just brought in yummy-smelling food to the Pug Owners Convention. I left and proceeded to have a good laugh. On the other end of the spectrum, there was a guy who ordered and was waiting on his porch steps when I got there couldn't help but notice his ball sack hanging out of his shorts. I left and proceeded to bleach my eyes.

I used to deliver for Domino's and was delivering during a night with freezing rain, so it was very slick. I get to this one house with a steep driveway way with no way I could drive up. I tried multiple ways to walk up the driveway and even on the grass, but would only make it a few feet. So I call the customer and explain the issue, and they come out with a rope and I tie the pizza bag to it. So they pull it up the driveway, take the pizza, and put the cash in the bag with a nice tip.

I was making a delivery in a decent neighborhood. I parked and looked to my right and saw two goat statues on the roof of someone’s car. I thought it was hella weird, but whatever. I deliver the food and go back to my car. As I started to drive off, the two goats stood up and walked around on the roof of the car. I busted out laughing because I just never expected it. I thought they were fake. You’d expect goats in the country, not a neighborhood with $200k houses.

I delivered a pizza to a sketchy house. The guy who answered looked like a typical Alan Moore style weirdo. He asked if I liked cats. I said yes, ready to be m******d. He pulled out a baby bengal cat that literally had 6-8 toes PER PAW. It's feet were so big with toes that it kind of looked like lynx feet. 10/10.

Also one time I got hit by a car right outside the house I was delivering to. My customer-first dumb a*s still knocked on their door, scraped and bleeding, crying my eyes out, apologizing that their pizza got crushed as I fell down the hill. The lady said, "The pizza is not my concern right now." And I was like ??? I learned a very valuable lesson. You can care too much about customer service. 2/10.

GPS led me to my city's hospital. After getting directions from a lot of employees, I finally found the room. I'll admit now, I really should've paid more attention to the signs, but I was in a rush and didn't bother.

Luckily, there was a nurse already in this lady's room. I was just going to walk in and drop food off when the nurse started shaking her hands and rushed to me. "No, no, no, you can't come in here. This is isolation. "Oh, I'm sorry, she ordered a delivery." She went back into the room and asked the lady if she had ordered delivery, and I heard the lady say yes.

I overheard the nurse tell her, "You should've told me." The nurse came back to me to grab food and told me if I had walked in the room, I would not be let back out or something along those lines. Threw me for a loop, haha, I will pay more attention now. I promise.

I’m a girl. I was a delivery driver and was working a morning shift. Around 10:30 am, I got a delivery to an apartment. Everything seems legit since it’s daytime and there are lots of people close by. I knocked on the door, and after 30 seconds or so, the door opened a few inches, and the guy was behind the door, so I only saw his face. Still didn’t think it was weird because people do that when they’re trying to restrain a dog.

He asked me to put the pizza on the stove behind him, and he moved back so I could see it was right behind him. I hesitated a second and decided not to do it, told him I can’t enter homes, but I don’t mind waiting until he’s ready to take the pizza. He asked again, said “it’s RIGHT there,” so I gave the same answer, really apologetic, but something wasn’t feeling right (I realize later it was how quiet it was, didn’t sound like there was an excited dog back there).

So he opened the door wide open and was completely naked. And this guy was at least 60 years old and like 6 feet tall. I tried to hand him the pizza and gave him the total, averting my eyes the whole time. He wouldn’t give me the money. He kept asking me to repeat the total and moved into my line of vision. I just took a step back and looked straight up. Eventually, he gave me $25 and I gtfo. Told everyone at the store, and for an $8 tip and a chance to deck the guy, all the boys that worked there hoped he would order again. The next day he did! When the driver got back, he said he had to wait at least 2 minutes, and when the guy answered, he was only wearing sweatpants, so he was sure he would do it again to a girl driver, so the guy got blacklisted.

I was a pizza delivery driver for a few months a while back. Had a couple open the door for me, him in just his boxers, her in just her bra and a bright pink thong. They were both really sweaty, and it was obvious that I had interrupted their fun time. The girl told me I was earlier than expected and smiled. That couple ordered a few more times after that, every time opening the door in underwear, hers getting more revealing every time. After the third time, they asked me if I wanted to join them after I'm done working. I declined because I was in a relationship at the time, but I still think about that sometimes.

Someone ordered pizzas for a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black, while I rolled up in my bright red, greasy T-shirt. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I've had.

Funniest job I ever had, but man, the things I saw and went through. The craziest delivery had to be when a woman answered with her huge, beautiful Siamese cat. I love that breed, so I ask if I can pet him. She says yes, I bend down the cat purrs, rubs against me, all the usual signs of liking it. So I stand up to finish giving this lady her pizza, the cat lunges and bites me above my right eye, and wraps all 4 limbs around my head. Panic! Freeze! Wtf do I do?! Wtf is going on?! Why isn’t this lady helping me?

I grab this demon cat from hell by the front legs and just rip him off of me. As I do my contact lense pops off. All I can think is that it’s eye skin coming off of my eyeball. I throw that cat down and just freak out at the amount of blood that starts pouring out of my gash. The woman brings me into her house and puts a towel on. I tell her she has to take me to the emergency room or call 911, as I can’t see to drive myself. After all, it was her cat who attacked me. She drives me to a minor emergency place. I get stitches and a tetanus shot. She foots the bill. Never see her again. The boss wasn’t happy that I missed the rest of the night or had another order in my car.