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Childfree Woman Refuses To Let Hubby Adopt His 11YO Sis, He Has To Choose Family Or Marriage
Being childfree by choice is a lifestyle that requires a lot of consideration and discussion with one’s partner before moving ahead. The problem is that, sometimes, even folks who are sure about this decision might change their mind due to exceptional circumstances, which can end up affecting their relationship.
This is what one childfree couple faced when the man decided to adopt his orphaned 11-year-old sister despite his wife’s refusal. This decision ended up being the biggest obstacle they ever faced in their marriage.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
People who are very sure they don’t want to have kids might find it tough if their significant other suddenly changes their mind about having children
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster and his wife had been together for two years and decided never to have children, which is why, when he wanted to adopt his orphan sister, she wasn’t on board
Image credits: standret / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the poster’s uncle was willing to adopt the 11-year-old girl, she preferred living with her brother, which is why he was so adamant about taking her in
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In an update, the man mentioned that his wife was firm about her decision to never have children, and since he was choosing his sister over her, they decided to seperate
Image credits: SharkEva
Even though it must have been tough for the man to end his marriage, he didn’t regret picking his sister and prioritizing her well-being
As the poster explained, he and his wife had decided not to have any kids, and in their two-year marriage, they had never once gotten into a conflict over that choice. All of that changed in an instant when the man’s 11-year-old sister was orphaned, and she needed someone to become her guardian.
In most situations, people who choose to be childfree often stay firm in their decision and usually tend not to waver. Experts have also found that the folks who make this choice earlier in life are often the ones who feel no regret about it when they’re older, even if other people they know are having children.
It’s possible that the poster’s wife felt very strongly about her decision to be childfree, but it might not have been as important to the man. That’s why it was much easier for him to be open to the idea of adopting his little sister and looking after her like a father figure, even though his uncle was willing to take the responsibility.
In this case, the young girl was also able to choose who she wanted to live with, but usually, the law states that parents must include a set of directives in their will that mention who will care for their minor children. Maybe the OP’s dad had not specified who would take care of his daughter, but luckily for her, the uncle and her brother were willing to step up.
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the man made up his mind to adopt his younger sibling, he wasn’t able to convince his wife to get on board with his decision. She kept refusing because she was sure she didn’t want kids, and was shocked that her husband was choosing his sister over her. She also gave him an ultimatum to either end their marriage over the issue or to let his uncle adopt the young girl.
Eventually, after a lot of back and forth, they decided to go their separate ways, because the poster didn’t want to abandon his sibling in such a tough time. Even though it must have been quite a painful process for him, he didn’t waver and was glad that he could protect and look after his vulnerable sister.
It can be difficult for childfree couples to figure out what to do if one partner suddenly has a change of heart. That’s why professionals advise approaching the discussion with care, empathy, and an open mind. It’s possible that both partners can decide upon a compromise, or if they aren’t able to, they can then figure out whether they need professional help or not.
In this case, the poster and his wife decided to part ways, which might be the last course of action if both people aren’t able to come to an agreement. Hopefully, the OP is glad about his decision to look after his sister, and his ex doesn’t regret her choice to remain childfree.
Could there have been any other way for the couple to work this out? We’d love to hear your opinions and ideas, if any.
People felt that both the man and his wife were justified in their decisions, and that he should have probably checked with her first about the idea of adoption
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
A lot of couples break up over where they draw the line about kids. That's ok, although unfortunate. Good for both of them for doing what's right. Don't parent if you don't want to don't turn your sister away if she needs you. No one is the AH except for cancer. F cancer
Ellinor she/they/elle 2 weeks ago (edited)
Yep, no one is wrong in this situation and it sùcks for everyone. The man has lost his father and he is now in the forever care of a child, and his wife who doesn't want kids just lost her husband because of it. Divorce was the right solution for everyone, even if it's sad.
J R 1 week ago
NAH. It's weird to me how many people feel one or the other is. OP isn't an ah for taking his sibling in. I feel like it's natural to want to make sure your sibling is raised by close relatives and to take care of them. But the wife also isn't an a*****e. Sure, her comment about choosing the sister over her wasn't great, but her marriage just fell apart; cut her some slack. Some people just don't want to have kids, and that's okay. To anyone saying that the circumstances should have changed this, what are you on? Adopting a kid is a huge commitment. It's not a woman's duty to just open her arms to any child that comes across her path and change any life plans she had. My guess is the same people saying she should just accept having motherhood thrust upon her would also vilify her if she wasn't able to be a good mother. No way she could win with you accept turn into a mother from tradwife fantasies. This is just a really sad story because no one did anything wrong.
Sparky Hughes 2 weeks ago
Poor little girl. Our elder family friends are raising their granddaughter because her mom is a major a****t. It’s very sad.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
My view is that, when you have kids, one of the first things you do is draw up a will and stipulate who will take care of the kid in case of minority. I realise that almost it might not be easy to find someone who wants to take on this task, but almost anything is better than have kids placed in care. In my case, my sister and her husband would take care of our son in case of our death.
Lisa 1 week ago
I'm childfree, but c'mon there are exceptions. But I guess not for his wife. I couldn't imagine turning away an 11 year old that lost her father. I guess though it would be a big responsible dealing with a preteen struggling with grief and displacement, and not everyone is up for that. The bro made the right decision. I hope he gets his sis in therapy and himself too.
Randomosity 2 weeks ago
It's strange that OP never discussed who would take in his sister, especially when their dad has cancer and he knows his wife doesn't want kids. The wife could've reacted better, but as someone who's happily child free, I wouldn't want to be forced into a maternal role I didn't want. She probably knew she would be the one to mostly take care of the kid.
R Dennis 1 week ago
Unfortunately, it is what it is. I don't think anyone is wrong, it's just a messed up situation all around. Personally, I would always be team spouse and if that means taking in a relative that's what we're doing. I know there are people who are going to say "What about team spouse the other way?" Taking care of family is a higher priority.
Earonn - 1 week ago
I was understanding until he made his (ex) wife the baddy. The situation would have been different if he had been the only person to take her in, but there was an alternative. He wanted to force parenthood on his wife, she wasn't having it. They could have just separated, but no, that wasn't enough, he had to make her look bad. And yes, the question "are you choosing your sister over me" is justified, but I guess his wedding vows don't mean anything when he wants something else.
Jenna Kay 1 week ago
I don't think he is making his wife look bad. She doesn't want children, fine. He wants to care for his own little sister, again, fine. This poor little girl must go and live her life with neither parent and would rather cling to the only close family she has left, completely understandable. Personally, no one is the problem, each person is choosing what is right for them. I agree with the comments that state this situation is really sad overall. As a big sister myself, I always told my parents I would care for my little sister if something happened to them. Now that my sister is grown and a parent herself, if something were to happen to my sister and BIL, I would take their children. If something happened to my son and DIL, I would take my grandchild. For me, the children are the lost ones, and as adults we have to do what's best for them.
Load More Replies...
Spencers slave no more 1 week ago
There's a lot of people getting their knickers in a knot in the post above, and the update, but it was originally posted on reddit in March 2022! The above post is a re-post by an entirely different person who has zero to do with the actual original poster.
Ace 2 weeks ago
I first thought this was an issue with whether to legally adopt the sister or just look after her as her guardian, but I think the OP is using the word 'adopt' in a more general sense. I never wanted children either, but would not have hesitated to take in a relative in this sort of scenario, so yeah, I think the wife here was a bit of an AH, and he's probably better off without her.
J R 1 week ago
While I'm sorry about the life you must have had to make such a comment, it is absolutely possible for siblings to not want their siblings to be raised by more distant relatives. There are plenty of parents who raise their kids (yes, even adopted kids) and do not have "unpure" motives.
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 1 week ago
"In sickness and in health", not "I sign up to take care of a child until the day I die".
Load More Replies...
Tamra 1 week ago
He knew that she never wanted to be a parent, and he agreed with that before springing this on her. Just because this woman doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't mean she's unworthy of a relationship. Neither one of them are in the wrong here, it was just an unfortunate situation.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
A lot of couples break up over where they draw the line about kids. That's ok, although unfortunate. Good for both of them for doing what's right. Don't parent if you don't want to don't turn your sister away if she needs you. No one is the AH except for cancer. F cancer
Ellinor she/they/elle 2 weeks ago (edited)
Yep, no one is wrong in this situation and it sùcks for everyone. The man has lost his father and he is now in the forever care of a child, and his wife who doesn't want kids just lost her husband because of it. Divorce was the right solution for everyone, even if it's sad.
J R 1 week ago
NAH. It's weird to me how many people feel one or the other is. OP isn't an ah for taking his sibling in. I feel like it's natural to want to make sure your sibling is raised by close relatives and to take care of them. But the wife also isn't an a*****e. Sure, her comment about choosing the sister over her wasn't great, but her marriage just fell apart; cut her some slack. Some people just don't want to have kids, and that's okay. To anyone saying that the circumstances should have changed this, what are you on? Adopting a kid is a huge commitment. It's not a woman's duty to just open her arms to any child that comes across her path and change any life plans she had. My guess is the same people saying she should just accept having motherhood thrust upon her would also vilify her if she wasn't able to be a good mother. No way she could win with you accept turn into a mother from tradwife fantasies. This is just a really sad story because no one did anything wrong.
Sparky Hughes 2 weeks ago
Poor little girl. Our elder family friends are raising their granddaughter because her mom is a major a****t. It’s very sad.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
My view is that, when you have kids, one of the first things you do is draw up a will and stipulate who will take care of the kid in case of minority. I realise that almost it might not be easy to find someone who wants to take on this task, but almost anything is better than have kids placed in care. In my case, my sister and her husband would take care of our son in case of our death.
Lisa 1 week ago
I'm childfree, but c'mon there are exceptions. But I guess not for his wife. I couldn't imagine turning away an 11 year old that lost her father. I guess though it would be a big responsible dealing with a preteen struggling with grief and displacement, and not everyone is up for that. The bro made the right decision. I hope he gets his sis in therapy and himself too.
Randomosity 2 weeks ago
It's strange that OP never discussed who would take in his sister, especially when their dad has cancer and he knows his wife doesn't want kids. The wife could've reacted better, but as someone who's happily child free, I wouldn't want to be forced into a maternal role I didn't want. She probably knew she would be the one to mostly take care of the kid.
R Dennis 1 week ago
Unfortunately, it is what it is. I don't think anyone is wrong, it's just a messed up situation all around. Personally, I would always be team spouse and if that means taking in a relative that's what we're doing. I know there are people who are going to say "What about team spouse the other way?" Taking care of family is a higher priority.
Earonn - 1 week ago
I was understanding until he made his (ex) wife the baddy. The situation would have been different if he had been the only person to take her in, but there was an alternative. He wanted to force parenthood on his wife, she wasn't having it. They could have just separated, but no, that wasn't enough, he had to make her look bad. And yes, the question "are you choosing your sister over me" is justified, but I guess his wedding vows don't mean anything when he wants something else.
Jenna Kay 1 week ago
I don't think he is making his wife look bad. She doesn't want children, fine. He wants to care for his own little sister, again, fine. This poor little girl must go and live her life with neither parent and would rather cling to the only close family she has left, completely understandable. Personally, no one is the problem, each person is choosing what is right for them. I agree with the comments that state this situation is really sad overall. As a big sister myself, I always told my parents I would care for my little sister if something happened to them. Now that my sister is grown and a parent herself, if something were to happen to my sister and BIL, I would take their children. If something happened to my son and DIL, I would take my grandchild. For me, the children are the lost ones, and as adults we have to do what's best for them.
Load More Replies... Spencers slave no more 1 week ago
There's a lot of people getting their knickers in a knot in the post above, and the update, but it was originally posted on reddit in March 2022! The above post is a re-post by an entirely different person who has zero to do with the actual original poster.
Ace 2 weeks ago
I first thought this was an issue with whether to legally adopt the sister or just look after her as her guardian, but I think the OP is using the word 'adopt' in a more general sense. I never wanted children either, but would not have hesitated to take in a relative in this sort of scenario, so yeah, I think the wife here was a bit of an AH, and he's probably better off without her.
J R 1 week ago
While I'm sorry about the life you must have had to make such a comment, it is absolutely possible for siblings to not want their siblings to be raised by more distant relatives. There are plenty of parents who raise their kids (yes, even adopted kids) and do not have "unpure" motives.
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 1 week ago
"In sickness and in health", not "I sign up to take care of a child until the day I die".
Load More Replies... Tamra 1 week ago
He knew that she never wanted to be a parent, and he agreed with that before springing this on her. Just because this woman doesn't want to be a parent, doesn't mean she's unworthy of a relationship. Neither one of them are in the wrong here, it was just an unfortunate situation.
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