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Dad Refuses To Help With Newborn And Keeps Inviting Family Over, Wife Makes Him Walk In Her Shoes
Mother holding newborn baby indoors, highlighting dad refusing to help with newborn and family visits issues.

Dad Refuses To Help With Newborn And Keeps Inviting Family Over, Wife Makes Him Walk In Her Shoes

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At 4 months, the development of a baby’s brain may cause sleep instability, leading to fussiness, multiple nighttime wakings, reduced napping, and appetite changes.

There is no single solution to fix these problems, and caregivers are encouraged to remember that sleep regressions are normal and, most importantly, temporary.

However, after Reddit user Adorable_Banana_7262’s daughter began experiencing these disruptions, her husband failed to recognize the toll they were taking on his wife as well. One time, he even invited his relatives to visit them early in the morning!

So the woman decided to give her partner a taste of his own medicine. Continue scrolling to read her post from the subreddit ‘AITAH,’ where the mom explains how she did it.

RELATED:

    4-month-olds are known for their sleep regressions, and they can really disrupt the parents’ cycles, too

    Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    When it happened to this mom, she was sad to see that her husband didn’t understand the gravity of the situation

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    So she decided to show him what it feels like

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    Image credits: Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Later, the woman updated her post, clarifying a few important details

    Image credits: Adorable_Banana_7262

    Image credits: Dasha Halepova / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Experts say that sleep deprivation affects mothers much more than fathers

    At this time, the Redditor and her husband must work together and help each other. Researchers tracking the sleep of thousands of men and women after their family size increased have discovered that shut-eye hits a low about three months after birth, with the effect strongest in women.

    Interestingly, while parents gradually saw their sleep improve as their firstborn grew, it seems their nighttime rest was never quite the same again.

    “We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” said Dr. Sakari Lemola, co-author of the research from the University of Warwick.

    He added that while children may stop crying during the night as they age, they may still wake up, be sick, or have nightmares, while the stress and worries that go with parenthood can also affect mom and dad’s sleep.

    Published in the journal Sleep, the study analyzed data collected from adults in Germany who were surveyed in face-to-face interviews conducted once a year between 2008 and 2015. Participants were asked to rate the quality of their sleep on a scale from 0 to 10 and to report how many hours of sleep they got on a normal weekday and a normal weekend day.

    The researchers focused on responses from more than 2,500 women and almost 2,200 men who reported the birth of their first, second, or third child during the study, with participants followed for up to 6 years.

    Perhaps unsurprisingly, the team found that women’s decline in sleep satisfaction in the first year after the birth of a child dropped by 1.7 points for the first child and by over 1 point for both the second and third child, compared with before their first pregnancy.

    The mothers also lost about 40 minutes of sleep a night in the year after a baby arrived compared with pre-pregnancy levels, regardless of whether it was their first or a subsequent kid.

    A deeper analysis of the data showed the first three months after the birth of a first child were particularly grueling, as women lost over an hour of sleep compared with before they became pregnant.

    While similar trends were seen for fathers, the effects were less pronounced. Even three months after their first child’s birth, fathers lost only 13 minutes of sleep.

    So maybe the husband might’ve very well needed the vivid illustration of what it’s like for his wife?

    After her story went viral, the author of the post joined the discussion in the comments

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

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    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    What do you think ?
    Anne Jones
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Husband is a selfish manchild.

    patricia patricia
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is. And she is stupid. He must have been a selfish manchild before the baby, too. Why have children with a man like that? She knew him, she knew his family. This is not the 19th century, when people married a virtual stranger. We women keep on imagining men will change for us because we are special. Spoiler: they won't.

    Load More Replies...
    Kristiina Männiste
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should not "help" with the baby. He should be caring for his daughter.

    Kristiina Männiste
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But they really should have discussed the crying out vs soothing approach before having children. Its kinda important.

    Load More Replies...
    Sarah Ellison
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Next time husband does that, OP should just leave. Take baby over to her mom's house and have someone she trusts watch the baby while she naps. Husband can entertain and feed his mom on his own.

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with your first sentence, but she should leave Baby at home for husband/father to take care of. If he's not trustworthy with his own child, then OP has an even bigger problem on her hands.

    Load More Replies...
    Heffalump
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Realistically, this idiot is always going to ignore his wife's wishes in favour of his family relationships, and the best the that OP can do is dump him so she only has to raise one child alone, not two.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd just start planning my exodus. Clearly this guy isn't good for anything but a child support check.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop being nice to his family. If you are taking a nap, get a bolt or even a doorstop to keep her out. If she say “gonna sleep all day.”, say “yes, I was up all night. Now leave me alone”. The response to “what’s for dinner?” Is “whatever your son decides to make for you”. Give everyone instructions like “I’m glad you’ve come to help us, there’s three loads of laundry that needs washing and folding and the bathrooms need a good scrub”. If they don’t like it, maybe they’ll leave.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The fact that he has an issue with the way OP went about getting her point across after literally telling him multiple times and not with him realizing what an a*s he's been feels pretty problematic. This is probably one of those "my husband is perfect in every way... but here's my one issue" and issue if a gigantic red flag. I dont get how people end up with such seflish, unaware people let alone have children with them.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to have a serious talk with this man-baby. She shouldn't have to take care of two children. They also need to set boundaries with his mother. I could never stay with someone like that.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a major husband problem. Man child. Lack of defence to annoying MIL. Ego maniac lapping up mummy's praise. And a gaslighter to boot. Yikes.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Keep doing this until he realises that what's bad for the goose is bad for the gander.

    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to keep doing it. Every d**n day. Then re-evaluate her life - she married wrong.

    Inservio Smurf
    Community Member
    6 days ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My goddaughter's spermdonor (Lani's words, not mine) was the same way, except with world of warcraft instead of his family. After I offered to help on a whim, we discovered I was really good with Lani, and had no problems staying up so Kim (the mother) could get her 8 hours. Walking in town with Lani on his arm, spermdonor would complain of the weight after literally mere minutes, so I took Lani on my arm and there she stayed the rest of the day. It wasn't until a checkout girl at Prenatal told Kim she and I were such a wonderful couple and asked how long we had been together, that spermdonor lost his temper and insisted he walk between Kim and I in future. Thankfully Kim dumped the lazy git and has since found & married an awesome fellow cosplayer she met at con, whom Lani loves absolutely to bits. She turned 16 this month, and is honestly the light of my life.

    Laserleader
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've watched this happen in my family. Newborn with a super attached mom, but doesn't get any breaks because dad works 8-4 then gets takeout on the way home and holes up in his "office" until bedtime while accusing her of "shrinking his clothes" and "not doing much" (he got fatter). Meanwhile mom has entire daily schedule to go through, while breastfeeding. Then 2nd child comes and mom finally demands some help, and dad has a panic attack and stops going to work and locks himself in his office so she and the kids cant get to him... they are getting divorced and she moved out so he could learn to care for the kids too.

    Bewitched One
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hi mom! 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ are you my mom??

    Load More Replies...
    moggiemoo
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The usual twát who, when called out on his hypocrisy, resorts to the "yeah, but ..." defence.

    Scusa
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You do understand this will not change and he has no respect for you. Leave.

    Sparky Hughes
    Community Member
    Premium
    5 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s kind of ironic that the MIL advocates ignoring a helpless baby and letting them cope and then is a helicopter mom with her adult son.

    PandaPadi
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to be careful. There is somewhere she writes that she does not understand MIL behaviour and why she suggested they get an abortion as both OP and MIL used to get along before. My thinking (take it or leave it) is that I believe that OP's Husband is saying bad things about OP to MIL. It might be very little things, for eg, he can be saying that OP did not prepare dinner last night (for obvious reasons because OP is tired and doing 100% of parenting), MIL will over react because his dear manbaby has not been fed and vilify OP. Also OP, imagine being a married single mother all your life - you not only have to take responsibility of your kid but also a man child.

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm stunned by the idea of a mother who doesn't want to be a grandmother, but overall I'm very sad for OP that she married into such a crappy family

    JSL
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP should have left for the day (assuming she is able to also have the baby bottlefeed in addition to breastfeed) with her mother and sibling. That way daddy dearest could be forced to take care of his daughter ALL day by himself. Exhaustion would be the least of his concerns.

    Zet
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i would pack my stuff and go to my family to sleep as soon as the family comes over.. .. at least my mum would somehow understand and help me mout

    Tyranamar Suess
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like this taught the husband nothing. He still justifies his actions.

    Anne Jones
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Husband is a selfish manchild.

    patricia patricia
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is. And she is stupid. He must have been a selfish manchild before the baby, too. Why have children with a man like that? She knew him, she knew his family. This is not the 19th century, when people married a virtual stranger. We women keep on imagining men will change for us because we are special. Spoiler: they won't.

    Load More Replies...
    Kristiina Männiste
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should not "help" with the baby. He should be caring for his daughter.

    Kristiina Männiste
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But they really should have discussed the crying out vs soothing approach before having children. Its kinda important.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Sarah Ellison
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Next time husband does that, OP should just leave. Take baby over to her mom's house and have someone she trusts watch the baby while she naps. Husband can entertain and feed his mom on his own.

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with your first sentence, but she should leave Baby at home for husband/father to take care of. If he's not trustworthy with his own child, then OP has an even bigger problem on her hands.

    Load More Replies...
    Heffalump
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Realistically, this idiot is always going to ignore his wife's wishes in favour of his family relationships, and the best the that OP can do is dump him so she only has to raise one child alone, not two.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd just start planning my exodus. Clearly this guy isn't good for anything but a child support check.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop being nice to his family. If you are taking a nap, get a bolt or even a doorstop to keep her out. If she say “gonna sleep all day.”, say “yes, I was up all night. Now leave me alone”. The response to “what’s for dinner?” Is “whatever your son decides to make for you”. Give everyone instructions like “I’m glad you’ve come to help us, there’s three loads of laundry that needs washing and folding and the bathrooms need a good scrub”. If they don’t like it, maybe they’ll leave.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The fact that he has an issue with the way OP went about getting her point across after literally telling him multiple times and not with him realizing what an a*s he's been feels pretty problematic. This is probably one of those "my husband is perfect in every way... but here's my one issue" and issue if a gigantic red flag. I dont get how people end up with such seflish, unaware people let alone have children with them.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to have a serious talk with this man-baby. She shouldn't have to take care of two children. They also need to set boundaries with his mother. I could never stay with someone like that.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a major husband problem. Man child. Lack of defence to annoying MIL. Ego maniac lapping up mummy's praise. And a gaslighter to boot. Yikes.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Keep doing this until he realises that what's bad for the goose is bad for the gander.

    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She needs to keep doing it. Every d**n day. Then re-evaluate her life - she married wrong.

    Inservio Smurf
    Community Member
    6 days ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My goddaughter's spermdonor (Lani's words, not mine) was the same way, except with world of warcraft instead of his family. After I offered to help on a whim, we discovered I was really good with Lani, and had no problems staying up so Kim (the mother) could get her 8 hours. Walking in town with Lani on his arm, spermdonor would complain of the weight after literally mere minutes, so I took Lani on my arm and there she stayed the rest of the day. It wasn't until a checkout girl at Prenatal told Kim she and I were such a wonderful couple and asked how long we had been together, that spermdonor lost his temper and insisted he walk between Kim and I in future. Thankfully Kim dumped the lazy git and has since found & married an awesome fellow cosplayer she met at con, whom Lani loves absolutely to bits. She turned 16 this month, and is honestly the light of my life.

    Laserleader
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've watched this happen in my family. Newborn with a super attached mom, but doesn't get any breaks because dad works 8-4 then gets takeout on the way home and holes up in his "office" until bedtime while accusing her of "shrinking his clothes" and "not doing much" (he got fatter). Meanwhile mom has entire daily schedule to go through, while breastfeeding. Then 2nd child comes and mom finally demands some help, and dad has a panic attack and stops going to work and locks himself in his office so she and the kids cant get to him... they are getting divorced and she moved out so he could learn to care for the kids too.

    Bewitched One
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hi mom! 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ are you my mom??

    Load More Replies...
    moggiemoo
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The usual twát who, when called out on his hypocrisy, resorts to the "yeah, but ..." defence.

    Scusa
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You do understand this will not change and he has no respect for you. Leave.

    Sparky Hughes
    Community Member
    Premium
    5 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s kind of ironic that the MIL advocates ignoring a helpless baby and letting them cope and then is a helicopter mom with her adult son.

    PandaPadi
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to be careful. There is somewhere she writes that she does not understand MIL behaviour and why she suggested they get an abortion as both OP and MIL used to get along before. My thinking (take it or leave it) is that I believe that OP's Husband is saying bad things about OP to MIL. It might be very little things, for eg, he can be saying that OP did not prepare dinner last night (for obvious reasons because OP is tired and doing 100% of parenting), MIL will over react because his dear manbaby has not been fed and vilify OP. Also OP, imagine being a married single mother all your life - you not only have to take responsibility of your kid but also a man child.

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm stunned by the idea of a mother who doesn't want to be a grandmother, but overall I'm very sad for OP that she married into such a crappy family

    JSL
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP should have left for the day (assuming she is able to also have the baby bottlefeed in addition to breastfeed) with her mother and sibling. That way daddy dearest could be forced to take care of his daughter ALL day by himself. Exhaustion would be the least of his concerns.

    Zet
    Community Member
    6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i would pack my stuff and go to my family to sleep as soon as the family comes over.. .. at least my mum would somehow understand and help me mout

    Tyranamar Suess
    Community Member
    1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like this taught the husband nothing. He still justifies his actions.

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