“Bug, Missed Him”: Woman Gets Hit By Niece On Purpose, Spills Coffee On Her, Enraging The Parents
Sometimes parents do not discipline their children and later flip out when people refuse to put up with their kids misbehaving. Even when presented with the outcomes of allowing everything or justifying any behavior with “he’s just a kid”, permissive parents often refuse to face it, blaming anything but their lack of attention, guidance, or parenting skills.
At least this seems to have been the case when this mom focused on getting an apology from this Redditor’s wife for defending herself from the aggressive behavior of a 12-year-old, rather than dealing with her child’s troubling behavior during the family picnic.
More info: Reddit
A man asked if he was right to take his wife’s side after she dumped her coffee on a 12-year-old and did not apologize
Image credits: Maël BALLAND (not the actual photo)
It all happened when a man and his wife hosted a family weekend stay at their camp on the lake
Image credits: Perfect_Ear2994
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Perfect_Ear2994
Image credits: KoolShooters (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Perfect_Ear2994
The daughter of the man’s brother’s girlfriend was picking fights and throwing tantrums all weekend
Image credits: Caleb Oquendo (not the actual photo)
The girl’s mother told her to “go play” after she kept smacking the OP’s wife and spilled her iced coffee twice
A man shared his story on Reddit, asking if he was a jerk to defend his wife who refused to apologize after dumping her coffee on a 12-year-old kid who slapped her on the forehead.
The man explained that he and his wife own a camp on the lake and once a year they host a large barbeque and weekend stay for the entire family. This time his brother came with his girlfriend he has been in a relationship with for around a year and her three kids.
The two younger boys were great, but their 12-year-old sister was picking fights with people, throwing tantrums, and hitting people all weekend, while her mother just stood back saying “I don’t know why she acts like that”.
Eventually, everyone was sitting out on the deck talking and enjoying their coffee when the girl kept picking up a fly swatter, swatting at flies, and knocking over people’s coffees several times, in addition to smacking the man’s wife repeatedly saying there were flies on her when there weren’t.
The girl dumped the man’s wife’s iced coffee twice and was only told by her mother to “go play”, which she did only to come back promptly and slap the man’s wife on the forehead with the fly swatter, saying “bug, missed it”.
The girl left but soon came back and slapped the woman on the forehead with the fly swatter
Image credits: solod_sha (not the actual photo)
The woman took her coffee and flung it at the girl, who immediately started crying, while her mother flipped out
The woman took the third cup of coffee that she made and flung its contents all over the girl, who immediately started crying, while her mother, as well as the man’s brother, flipped out, calling the woman immature and asking for an apology, while the woman asked them to leave instead.
While some of the guests were suggesting the apology was warranted in the situation, the man was with his wife here. He responded to some of the comments online about it not being his wife’s job to set an example for the kid, nor did she have to remove herself from her own property.
The Redditor u/Perfect_Ear2994’s post gathered 27.2K points in just four days and sparked a discussion about parenting online, putting the mom’s response to her 12-year-old daughter misbehaving as well as her excuse “she’s just a kid” under scrutiny.
User nilmot81 made their point that “the tricky part about being a parent is figuring out when being a kid stops being an excuse”, as at some point parents have to teach their kids “to be functioning human beings who understand boundaries and consequences.”
Similarly, CatmoCatmo added to this point, clarifying that “it’s not just figuring out when ‘she’s just a kid’ – but what situations warrant that. A kid not sitting still is “just a kid” territory but some behaviors aren’t warranted regardless of age and can’t just be explained away.”
As a parent, one needs to know when it’s time to step in “and sometimes that means removing yourself along with your child.” Because “parents aren’t entitled to continue having the day they want if their kids aren’t behaving.”
It might be argued that the woman could have just asked the mother to leave along with her daughter without splashing her with iced coffee, but that wasn’t the course of action that she took.
On the other hand, after failing to discipline her child before or during the family gathering and the girl going as far as to get splashed with iced coffee, the mother concentrated on making the woman who did it apologize and in such a way tried to minimize the confrontation and make a point that despite the girl’s aggressive behavior and many warnings to the girl and her mother, the woman’s response wasn’t warranted, which might be interpreted as not allowing the girl to experience consequences of her actions coming from anyone other than her own parents.
Verywell Family discussed natural consequences, explaining that as a parent, it is tempting to just fix things for one’s children, for example, put away your child’s chalk that they left outside, or rush in with a sweater when your child is reminded to bring one but doesn’t; however, this might prevent a child from learning the powerful lessons that natural consequences can teach.
They explained that natural consequences are what happens as a result of a person’s actions, without any intervention by an outside party. Verywell Family quoted Dr. Aliza Pressman on this one, who said that the key to using natural consequences with kids is for the parent to step aside and allow their child to experience the effect of what they’ve done or not done.
Even though truly experiencing the fruits of their labor can lead to any number of unpleasant things like failing a test or losing an item they forgot at school, making a kid feel disappointed or frustrated, the aim here is for them to learn from these experiences.
And while it is important to know when to use it, taking into consideration various factors, like a child’s age and possible risks of particular circumstances, when appropriately applied, experiencing natural consequences might have tremendous benefits for children, teaching a child responsibility, independence, and motivation.
Verywell Family emphasized that when parents routinely rush in to do things for their kids and “rescue” them from their actions and inaction, they rob them of developing motivation to take care of their own needs and developing intrinsic motivation for behaving in adaptive ways.
They explained that when a child finishes their book report because their parent hounded them to do it, that is external motivation as opposed to the one the child develops if they do so in order to get a good grade or for the satisfaction of getting their work done.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
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Absolutely warranted reaction. As a cold coffee drinker I mostly feel bad for the loss of a third cup of coffee in this situation. Also now I really want cold coffee.
The better option would be to warn them the first time that they would be asked to leave if her behavior continued. Then when it did, make the family leave. The adults are the problem, as they are letting a bored child annoy adults instead of providing activities and are not setting boundaries.
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Oh gods I HATE passive parents who just stand around saying "I don't know why they don't listen.." DO SOMETHING! Find out, take them to a therapist, counselor, doctor, LEARN HOW TO PARENT. She's 12, FAR old enough to know better.
I’ve been in a similar situation 😆 but was bullied into writing an apology to the kids and parents - the kid was 13-14 and throwing rocks at peoples heads at a bike tournament, he got me square in the back of the head and I turned around out of reflex and said ‘what the f**k you little f**k, I’ll smack your face in’ - cue everyone there who’s a parent angry at me cos I acted in appropriate. I wrote a snide remark in my apology how the ‘you (parents) should enrol him in baseball classes as he has such a heavy handed throw’
It would be a cold day in hell before I'd written an apology. You're a bigger person than I am.
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A splash of cold drink won't hurt her. Anna and her lackadaisical mother definitely deserved a wake up call.
If it was me, I would've slapped that brat and said, "Oops, there was a bug on you" then I'd hit her again and say it came back.
Knowing my siblings, if Anna had pulled anything like that around them, she would have been the youngest person in her neighborhood with dental implants. If her parents don't stop her obnoxious behavior, someone else will. Permanently.
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NTA and WHY????? Would you ever invite Demon spawn and mother, and your brother to anything ever again?? Seriously just because you are related, to your brother, there is no law saying that you have to be subjected to such a horrible child. And sorry, according to child psychologists by 11 years old the behavior issues, good or bad are set in stone. This is the base attitude that this person will become as she grows older. Maybe not with a fly swatter, but disrespectful, rude, entitled and an all around unappealing person. Good job Spawn's mother. You created a monster because you couldn't be bothered to do the hard work when she was younger. I would be sure to have zero to do with that entire family unit going forward and be clear as to why. Calling YOU a C#@! Seriously???? I'd have returned with, " I'd rather be a C@#! Than a horrible mother."
I read thinking Anna must be seeking attention by bugging the adults. She clearly was getting attention, albeit negative attention by being annoying. Anna needs more than parenting, she needs a therapist like now. I am saddened that her cries for help are unheard. As for the coffee bath...I can't fault OPs wife. She is child free by choice and shouldn't have to parent anyone's kid
I feel the same. Thank you for your empathy. It's CLEAR to me, Anna is desperate for her mother.
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Not only NTA, but if I had been there I would have applauded. Brother and GF would never be invited again.
12 years old isn't "just a kid" it's the age a near teenager should know better, and a very good age to learn that stupid actions have consequences. I'd have flipped out and smacked the kid long before my third coffee. (I honestly feel worse for the coffee being spilt than I do the kid)
ESH. Anna's an a*****e who gets it from her mother. Brother is an a*****e for taking zero responsibility at all. And OP's wife is an a*****e for spilling so much goddamn good coffee! It's the worst part of the whole story! Throw the first cup at her so you can drink the rest. /s
can't, the demon child already accidentally (on pupose) knocked the first cup over, and the second. she wouldn't have gotten a chance at the third, they would have been told to leave by then
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I'd have started chasing that aggro brat with the swatter smacking her with it. Absolutely NTA
First, telling. 12yo to go play with 8 and 6... She is becoming a teen and her interest change. She doesn't want to hang out with kids. So she is bored and starts misbehaving. Her mom is the issue. The 12yo should have been corrected sooner but also she should have attention for her oldest child. I feel she was seeking attention, needing it. About the throwing of the coffee: it shouldn't have come to this. And couldn't she have yelled at her and her mother first, that a line is being crossed and it needs to stop now/ that they need to leave now. Esh imo. Also the guy who commented that " yer bro is an idiot dating a single mom with 3 kids" the other two kids were no problem. Maybe kids show all aspects of a person (the parent) better - like taking responsibility.
I would have asked the mother to either control their kid or to take their kid and leave as soon as the kid started knocking over things. Any kid over the age of 5 should know that it is unacceptable to behave in this manner. I think that the fact that the OP does not have kids may be why they were that patient.
I wouldn't have dumped the coffee on her. I'd have just stand up and tell them to leave. Immediately. And not come back until that brat grows some manners.
My Grandmother used a cold cup of water to stop temper tantrums at her house. All it took was one time. It shocks the system out of the tantrum. I will probably get down voted for this comment, but it was a harmless technique. No, she didn't water board anyone. Just one small tea cup.
'Bad' behaviour is a learned behaviour. She wants attention. But her mother (backed up by boyfriend) need to show that you get attention (and praise) for being good, and punished for being an a**e.
All the adults here are a******s. Mum for not parenting her kid. The rest of them for not telling her to control her demon-spawn or GTFO after the second time she hit someone.
Wow! At 12 she knows better, just a brat. Your wife's reaction was a mild one to be honest. If someone hit me in the face or anywhere else with some nasty flyswatter & dumped over my cold coffee, they'd be lucky to just come out of it wet...Your brother's a fool if he sticks with her, eventually he will also be responsible & accountable for that girl's actions. YIKES!
3 coffees?? Multiple times warned the kid ánd the parents? And the stupid hitting didn't stop? NTA (but I also feel sorry for Anna, maybe she is jealous on her little brothers? Is it possible they get more love and attention from the parents than the daughter? )
Oh boo hoo. OP's bro and GF are so-o-o-o-o offended that an adult won't put up with a child's s****y behavior. Oh, the HORROR! I'll bet it's the first time someone struck back at the little demon-in-training. They should consider it a friendly warning, as well as a clue that non-parenting results in rotten kids. If those two don't rein Anna in NOW, the next visit they receive could be from a police officer saying, "We are sorry to inform you......"
Kid got off easy. I'd be tempted to snatch that swatted and slap her with it. If they didn't like wife's reaction they should've corrected the kid immediately.
I've been in a similar situation and my instinct was to go after the AH parent. I literally told the parent to get their kid or I was going to beat them (the parent, not the kid) and told the kid if they kept trying me then they can watch mommy get dog walked. They left. Kid actually behaves around me now, still a jerk, but gives me hugs every time they see me and shows me respect.
I think the kids mother deserved the cold coffee being thrown over her. As naughty as the kid is it seems like she might have some undiagnosed neuro divergence or a trauma and needs a lot more support from her mum. Not saying that any of this is an excuse for acting like this, as a mum of a neuro diverse child I can say with the right support and grounding they don’t like this
I think she handled it better than me. I personally would have taken the swatter from the demon spawn & gave her mother a swat! Lol
In my family that kid would've been dealt with on day one! We do not tolerate that s**t and when I go to friends houses with demon spawn they make sure the kid stays far from me and the ones that did test me now makes sure to be respectful. My one friends kid is an a*s but if he knows if I'm in the house he minds his Ps and Qs. Think that why his mom used to invite me over so often.
Warranted reaction and this could absolutely be a sign of poor parenting, but she sounds a bit like a kid with untreated ADHD I used to know, so it might be worth having her checked out by a psychiatrist, I don't think it's ODD since she's not acting out or defying her mom on purpose, she also isn't blaming anyone else for her behavior and simply doesn't seem to care since she can get away with it. On another note the mom and kid are lucky OP is so patient. The kid risks getting punched in the face if she does this to random people with worse self-control than OP
I would have taken the shatter and clocked the kid with that. Same action, same consequence. The coffee thing looks more childish. However the sentiment is great. Teach the kid a lesson her parent won’t.
Glad they’re banned from the camp. Those kind of parents absolutely make me sick.
I would’ve told the parents after that little girl touched me one time that if they don’t get that disrespectful child off of my property I’m gonna discipline their child for them and they aren’t going to like it. And I want kids. I love kids. I’m also a special Ed teacher. Kid need to learn young that if they are willingly being a butt, they will be treated as such
Husband should have stepped up and made a stronger effort before his wife got smacked in the forehead. Don't let her be the "bad guy" to his brother's bad decision.
This shouldn't even be up for debate. Wife had every right to dump the coffee on a kid, who at 12 years old, knew damn well what she was doing. Problem is her parents. I would be mortified if my child started behaving that way and began antagonizing the HOST. F*ck parents like that.
A little extreme but I'm not mad at it. Even reading this I could feel myself tensing up & getting annoyed. Lol. If it were hot coffee then we'd obviously have a problem. But cold coffee? In response to being HIT WITH A FLY SWATTER OVER & OVER AGAIN & IN THE FACE! Nah. NTA
Actions have consequences. Better to have her figure that out now so she thinks twice about it later. I mean, you could've punched her in the face, but you didn't. Especially if she was making contact with the swatter on your body. I'd have taken the swatter and hit her with it.
I think that since her brothers are well behaved the girl most likely has some problems that should be looked into, she ought to be evaluated by a specialist.
All if them should've told the little piece of s**t to f**k off if her idiot mum won't do it. Good on the wife. What little f**k up
Would have been more epic for your wife to say either she chucked the coffee because there was a fly in it an oops. Or that there was a fly on the kiddo an tried to drown it. I'm surprised your wife didn't chuck the coffee on the mom too. Hope your bro wises up an leaves her before he Loses his family because of her.
Yes, why not keep it and any other(s) from the malicious bítch?!
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I have a hard time condoning this action against a child, but I can certainly understand it also. I would like to hope that maybe in the future, cut off outings with people that have kids like this, BEFORE it gets to this point. But now that it's all said and done, I would say apologize for the action, but make your reason VERY clear and state, and stick to, not spending any time with them if the child will b there. And if they show up with her, they will b leaving and any potential funds paid, will NOT be refunded as they will know.
I'm surprised OP's wife had the restraint to not grab the swatter & smack the spoiled little witch right back in the face.
You , and especially your wife are owed an apology, for them calling her a c**t. If it was me, I'd have smacked BOTH of them. And not with a fly swatter!! Neither of you are the AHs. And to those family members who think you should apologize, they are AHs. Ask how they'd feel if they or their loved one was called c**t.
Sooner or later, that brat will hit the wrong person and get what is coming to her along with her idiot mother and father!
Honestly I would have taken all fly shatters. But I probably would have grabbed it the second time she hit me and told her mom if she does it again I'm going use the fly swatted on her a$s.
I would have paid to see that, it would be so satisfying. They should inform the brother that she's no longer welcome at any event or dinner they have. That brat is going to mess with the wrong kid and get her a*s handed to her 10 fold ... and she will deserve every single punch.
Oh, you don't like how I disciplined your child? Then don't make me have to discipline your child.
1x 2x 3x your out. If that entitled litte brat and her mom were at my house they would have been gone in 60 sec.You are not the ah
As much as I agree with the OP that the parents should have done stuff to correct Anna, I'm still wondering how can she be acting so horribly when her younger brothers are well-behaved... could there be some past trauma or smth?
My kid would never have behaved like that but she had a friend who did. When the friend was 9 I organised an Easter Egg hunt on my MIL’s property. When my SIL told the kids not to eat the eggs all at once this kid told her to f*** off. SIL laughed. I was mortified. The child’s mother told her to apologise and she refused. That was it. The child is now 20. Has spent years in and out of care. Mother put her on birth control at 13. No parental responsibility means that kids don’t learn.
if the brat's behavior doesnt improve eventually shes going to p**s of someone who wont have problems with teaching her manners the painful way
I think that Anna completely deserved that. After being told not to so many times it makes sense.
I can see why OPs wife did that, but honestly 2 wrongs don't make a right. This child obviously has issues and there doesn't seem to be any attempt to address those. She's out of place, that's obvious, she's in that strange place of no longer being a young child or an adult. Doesn't excuse her behavior but it seems like no one cares. As for the correct reaction to her behavior I'm not sure but throwing coffee- cold or hot, was not a suitable adult reaction
Seems like Anna is starved for attention. Good or bad. She certainly had everyone's attention after she got coffee dumped on her. At 12, she knows damn well she shouldn't be doing that. Your wife is my hero for finally stopping it. How long was dipsh*t GF going to let her go on like that with no ramifications?
Oh, man. If I had done that ONE time, I'd have gotten in to so much trouble, especially at someone else's place. I knew manners from the time I started understanding what they were. Both my parents and grandparents made sure I behaved myself. I'd have been sent out in one of those canoes for the rest of the day and ignored!
WOW. I'd have put that little b*tch on her a** at the second swat. Your wife showed amazing restraint. You guys are SO NTAs.
I will probably be downvoted for writing this, but I felt sorry for Anna. As I read it she desperately tried to get noticed by her mother, but without any luck. The two younger siblings (boys!) have likely taken up the moms notice, and the mother forgot about Anna. I have seen it happening where I work at school.
Another example of what happens when you don’t set boundaries for children. They ”learn” behaviour from the parents acting as much as from them not acting. The worst thing is the mother saying ”I don’t know why she does that”. It reveals a lot about her. Maybe she was brought up the same way. I’m wondering if the daughter might have a real problem, a psychiatric one.
What the GF doesn't realize is that there are adults out there who can't stand kids. At. All. If sweet (?!) little Anna ever pulls the flyswatter number or something similar with one of THEM, she could easily end up having her face permanently rearranged. Or worse. FAR worse. If nothing else, if the behavior is allowed to continue, by the time her mother get around to doing something about it, the law and CPS may have had to step in. It'll cost a lot of money to clean up the mess, AND get her daughter back.
Only issue I think here is that the woman didn't warm up her coffee first and give the little brat lesson she'd never forgot...
I don't understand how it's ever ok to throw coffee on a kid. ESH. Obviously the child and her mom needed to be kicked off the property, but this could have been done by curtly asking them to leave, not dumping coffee on a child.
I definitely don't think the brother is to blame. If he stepped in the mother and 12 yr old would likely turn on him. The mother is to blame and a lazy useless mother at that. Kid is acting out because of her indifference. I feel sorry for the wife and although don't necessarily agree with throwing coffee over the girl (I probably would have done worse) it's a great reflex! Good on her. Feel sorry for the 2 little boys who are probably neglected because they don't act out.
I would have told the girl, and her mom and the bf/brother that if she touched another fly swatter (after I took them away from the girl), they would be invited to leave. The well behaved boys could stay, if they wanted too. I was raised on "good kids get good things." The two adults allowing the behavior are just as bad. So, no soup for you!
My mother used a flyswatter on my sister & I when we were kids. The type with the handle that looked (and felt)like it was made from a metal coat hanger. She also used to grab my hair to "get my attention". I can tune out yelling(I went to Marine boot camp in 1985), pulling my hair does absolutely nothing, but God help your@55 if you pick up a flyswatter.
The kid, mother and equally toxic guy are also the bugs here. Worse than flies.
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Personally I would've done this: 1. thrown the kid off of the balcony while saying she was infected with flies, and I was saving her life. 2. thrown my fridge down after her. 3. when in hopsital turn off her pills and anesthetic so she's in tons of pain. 4. parents text me saying someone did that 5. respond with, "oh sh*t thats what i missed." before blocking them on all social media 6. ban them from my property except for the boys. 7. Stab the girl (ofc not rlly but still) 8. 'forget' to attend her funeral 9. set her body on fire, 'on accident' 10. yell "FINALLY SHES GONE" at her funeral. Thank you for listening to my amazing plan
I would've wacked that kid with a fly swatter before saying, "Bug, missed it." Pushing the girl off the balcony with the swatter. "Oops, bug, missed it!" I'd yell as Anna fell down a three story building. Then when Anna is in hospital I would turn off everything keeping her alive, her parents would text me saying, "they forgot to keep life support on, but they kept the anesthetic, and some pills on her, she should survive." I would reply with, "Oh bug, I missed those."
Failure to adult all around. The girl, her mother and OPs brother should have all been asked to leave after the second round of knocking over drinks and assult on the hostess. She shouldn't have thrown her drink on the girl but it also shouldn't have come to the point that it did. They took the offending flyswatter from the girl and she found another and continued in her bad behavior. That was the point that it's time for her to leave. She was spoken to and so was her mother. It should have been made very apparent to them both that if she didn't correct her behavior they'd all be leaving immediately. It's up to parents to supervise, discipline and provide entertainment/deversions for their children. A 12 year old girl with known behavioral problems isn't going to just 'go play' with her younger brothers; and if she does I'd want them to be supervised so she doesn't get up to anything dangerous. I agree that it's the girls mothers' lack of parenting and/or failure to get her daughter the support she requires. The girl obviously has something going on as a 12 year old should know that this is not acceptable behavior toward another person, let alone at that person's house. It might be untreated/diagnosed ADHD or ODD; or simply terminally poor parenting. Either way the girls behavior was beyond unacceptable but so was OPs wife's reaction.
I once had someones crotch goblin drive me insane for umpteenth time and when they kept refusing or half heartily reacted it did nothing to correct the behavior. I snatched the kid up he was about 7. We went out in the back yard and I held him up so that we were face to face and I whispered to him that he behaving like miserable twat, I told him that he has the ability to be a good boy and that he should try very hard to do so the rest of the night or else, we might have to have another, not so friendly talk. He was *not* used to somebody not yelling and straight threatening to beat him, so for the rest of the evening he was the epitome of a brilliant kid. As a reward I took him out to McDonalds for a cone. He learnt that day that I will not tolerate bad behavior, but good behavior is often rewarded. Sadly (or perhaps not) he and his siblings were removed by CPS due to their parents parenting style, or lack there of.
what tf do you expect her to do? yeah sure she shouldn’t have swatted people with the fly swatter, that’s not cool. but like she was told to go play with a 6 and 8 year old boy? she’s a 12 year old girl they have little in common. when i was twelve i liked being involved with the grown ups and their conversations and they were nice enough to include me. everyone sucks here. and this smells made up like who tf actually acts like that
Fûcking GROSS besides all else! What stupid vile ãsshole cünts+! Psycho shìt piles!
The "problem child" is actually a child whose needs aren't being met by the parents. You are "problem adults" who label such children as problems, when it is the parents failing that child.
I wouldn't feel any compassion for anyone who smacked me over a certain age (and 12 is way past that age). Period. I'd be understanding enough to not retaliate like OP did and just tell the parents to take the child out of my house. Stating the obvious (it's the parents fault) doesn't negate the result. and I'd be fully entitled to not be around that child anymore. And yes, problem child/problem parents l don't really care. Same result. This whole "you need to understand...." Comes to an end if l'm attacked.
Load More Replies... Poor Anna. Her mother has three kids that she started having at 18. Anna is so desperate for her Mother's attention and look what happens. People are vilifying her for her destructive behavior. Can't anyone else see what pain this little girl is in? She has to fight for mother's attention against two siblings, countless boyfriends, boy friends FAMILIES, I mean this is sickening. That poor girl.
More restraint than I have. I would have tied the little b***h to a tree and thrown mummy in the lake within minutes. The brother is also a massive twat. One day the 'little darling' is going to do this sort of s**t to the wrong person and get beaten to death, with justification.
As you can see from my previous comments l advocate for kicking the mother and child out instead of any retaliation. Now, please explain to me why anyone should control themselves no matter how many times a 12 yo hit them in the head with a flyswatter, because your take sounds as harming as overreaction, tbh. I won't tolerate anyone over a certain age hitting me. That's for sure. And no one should. The first hit they should be invited to leave. That's way more educative than putting up with the whole acting up because "they're only kids"
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Read the texts. Several people have taken action, in words like you suggested and action as in talking the swatter, to no avail. You paint yourself as a semi god in parenting, but you sounds so theoretical, I bet you couldn't handle an slightly difficult child to save your own life...
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Absolutely warranted reaction. As a cold coffee drinker I mostly feel bad for the loss of a third cup of coffee in this situation. Also now I really want cold coffee.
The better option would be to warn them the first time that they would be asked to leave if her behavior continued. Then when it did, make the family leave. The adults are the problem, as they are letting a bored child annoy adults instead of providing activities and are not setting boundaries.
Load More Replies... Oh gods I HATE passive parents who just stand around saying "I don't know why they don't listen.." DO SOMETHING! Find out, take them to a therapist, counselor, doctor, LEARN HOW TO PARENT. She's 12, FAR old enough to know better.
I’ve been in a similar situation 😆 but was bullied into writing an apology to the kids and parents - the kid was 13-14 and throwing rocks at peoples heads at a bike tournament, he got me square in the back of the head and I turned around out of reflex and said ‘what the f**k you little f**k, I’ll smack your face in’ - cue everyone there who’s a parent angry at me cos I acted in appropriate. I wrote a snide remark in my apology how the ‘you (parents) should enrol him in baseball classes as he has such a heavy handed throw’
It would be a cold day in hell before I'd written an apology. You're a bigger person than I am.
Load More Replies... A splash of cold drink won't hurt her. Anna and her lackadaisical mother definitely deserved a wake up call.
If it was me, I would've slapped that brat and said, "Oops, there was a bug on you" then I'd hit her again and say it came back.
Knowing my siblings, if Anna had pulled anything like that around them, she would have been the youngest person in her neighborhood with dental implants. If her parents don't stop her obnoxious behavior, someone else will. Permanently.
Load More Replies... NTA and WHY????? Would you ever invite Demon spawn and mother, and your brother to anything ever again?? Seriously just because you are related, to your brother, there is no law saying that you have to be subjected to such a horrible child. And sorry, according to child psychologists by 11 years old the behavior issues, good or bad are set in stone. This is the base attitude that this person will become as she grows older. Maybe not with a fly swatter, but disrespectful, rude, entitled and an all around unappealing person. Good job Spawn's mother. You created a monster because you couldn't be bothered to do the hard work when she was younger. I would be sure to have zero to do with that entire family unit going forward and be clear as to why. Calling YOU a C#@! Seriously???? I'd have returned with, " I'd rather be a C@#! Than a horrible mother."
I read thinking Anna must be seeking attention by bugging the adults. She clearly was getting attention, albeit negative attention by being annoying. Anna needs more than parenting, she needs a therapist like now. I am saddened that her cries for help are unheard. As for the coffee bath...I can't fault OPs wife. She is child free by choice and shouldn't have to parent anyone's kid
I feel the same. Thank you for your empathy. It's CLEAR to me, Anna is desperate for her mother.
Load More Replies... Not only NTA, but if I had been there I would have applauded. Brother and GF would never be invited again.
12 years old isn't "just a kid" it's the age a near teenager should know better, and a very good age to learn that stupid actions have consequences. I'd have flipped out and smacked the kid long before my third coffee. (I honestly feel worse for the coffee being spilt than I do the kid)
ESH. Anna's an a*****e who gets it from her mother. Brother is an a*****e for taking zero responsibility at all. And OP's wife is an a*****e for spilling so much goddamn good coffee! It's the worst part of the whole story! Throw the first cup at her so you can drink the rest. /s
can't, the demon child already accidentally (on pupose) knocked the first cup over, and the second. she wouldn't have gotten a chance at the third, they would have been told to leave by then
Load More Replies... I'd have started chasing that aggro brat with the swatter smacking her with it. Absolutely NTA
First, telling. 12yo to go play with 8 and 6... She is becoming a teen and her interest change. She doesn't want to hang out with kids. So she is bored and starts misbehaving. Her mom is the issue. The 12yo should have been corrected sooner but also she should have attention for her oldest child. I feel she was seeking attention, needing it. About the throwing of the coffee: it shouldn't have come to this. And couldn't she have yelled at her and her mother first, that a line is being crossed and it needs to stop now/ that they need to leave now. Esh imo. Also the guy who commented that " yer bro is an idiot dating a single mom with 3 kids" the other two kids were no problem. Maybe kids show all aspects of a person (the parent) better - like taking responsibility.
I would have asked the mother to either control their kid or to take their kid and leave as soon as the kid started knocking over things. Any kid over the age of 5 should know that it is unacceptable to behave in this manner. I think that the fact that the OP does not have kids may be why they were that patient.
I wouldn't have dumped the coffee on her. I'd have just stand up and tell them to leave. Immediately. And not come back until that brat grows some manners.
My Grandmother used a cold cup of water to stop temper tantrums at her house. All it took was one time. It shocks the system out of the tantrum. I will probably get down voted for this comment, but it was a harmless technique. No, she didn't water board anyone. Just one small tea cup.
'Bad' behaviour is a learned behaviour. She wants attention. But her mother (backed up by boyfriend) need to show that you get attention (and praise) for being good, and punished for being an a**e.
All the adults here are a******s. Mum for not parenting her kid. The rest of them for not telling her to control her demon-spawn or GTFO after the second time she hit someone.
Wow! At 12 she knows better, just a brat. Your wife's reaction was a mild one to be honest. If someone hit me in the face or anywhere else with some nasty flyswatter & dumped over my cold coffee, they'd be lucky to just come out of it wet...Your brother's a fool if he sticks with her, eventually he will also be responsible & accountable for that girl's actions. YIKES!
3 coffees?? Multiple times warned the kid ánd the parents? And the stupid hitting didn't stop? NTA (but I also feel sorry for Anna, maybe she is jealous on her little brothers? Is it possible they get more love and attention from the parents than the daughter? )
Oh boo hoo. OP's bro and GF are so-o-o-o-o offended that an adult won't put up with a child's s****y behavior. Oh, the HORROR! I'll bet it's the first time someone struck back at the little demon-in-training. They should consider it a friendly warning, as well as a clue that non-parenting results in rotten kids. If those two don't rein Anna in NOW, the next visit they receive could be from a police officer saying, "We are sorry to inform you......"
Kid got off easy. I'd be tempted to snatch that swatted and slap her with it. If they didn't like wife's reaction they should've corrected the kid immediately.
I've been in a similar situation and my instinct was to go after the AH parent. I literally told the parent to get their kid or I was going to beat them (the parent, not the kid) and told the kid if they kept trying me then they can watch mommy get dog walked. They left. Kid actually behaves around me now, still a jerk, but gives me hugs every time they see me and shows me respect.
I think the kids mother deserved the cold coffee being thrown over her. As naughty as the kid is it seems like she might have some undiagnosed neuro divergence or a trauma and needs a lot more support from her mum. Not saying that any of this is an excuse for acting like this, as a mum of a neuro diverse child I can say with the right support and grounding they don’t like this
I think she handled it better than me. I personally would have taken the swatter from the demon spawn & gave her mother a swat! Lol
In my family that kid would've been dealt with on day one! We do not tolerate that s**t and when I go to friends houses with demon spawn they make sure the kid stays far from me and the ones that did test me now makes sure to be respectful. My one friends kid is an a*s but if he knows if I'm in the house he minds his Ps and Qs. Think that why his mom used to invite me over so often.
Warranted reaction and this could absolutely be a sign of poor parenting, but she sounds a bit like a kid with untreated ADHD I used to know, so it might be worth having her checked out by a psychiatrist, I don't think it's ODD since she's not acting out or defying her mom on purpose, she also isn't blaming anyone else for her behavior and simply doesn't seem to care since she can get away with it. On another note the mom and kid are lucky OP is so patient. The kid risks getting punched in the face if she does this to random people with worse self-control than OP
I would have taken the shatter and clocked the kid with that. Same action, same consequence. The coffee thing looks more childish. However the sentiment is great. Teach the kid a lesson her parent won’t.
Glad they’re banned from the camp. Those kind of parents absolutely make me sick.
I would’ve told the parents after that little girl touched me one time that if they don’t get that disrespectful child off of my property I’m gonna discipline their child for them and they aren’t going to like it. And I want kids. I love kids. I’m also a special Ed teacher. Kid need to learn young that if they are willingly being a butt, they will be treated as such
Husband should have stepped up and made a stronger effort before his wife got smacked in the forehead. Don't let her be the "bad guy" to his brother's bad decision.
This shouldn't even be up for debate. Wife had every right to dump the coffee on a kid, who at 12 years old, knew damn well what she was doing. Problem is her parents. I would be mortified if my child started behaving that way and began antagonizing the HOST. F*ck parents like that.
A little extreme but I'm not mad at it. Even reading this I could feel myself tensing up & getting annoyed. Lol. If it were hot coffee then we'd obviously have a problem. But cold coffee? In response to being HIT WITH A FLY SWATTER OVER & OVER AGAIN & IN THE FACE! Nah. NTA
Actions have consequences. Better to have her figure that out now so she thinks twice about it later. I mean, you could've punched her in the face, but you didn't. Especially if she was making contact with the swatter on your body. I'd have taken the swatter and hit her with it.
I think that since her brothers are well behaved the girl most likely has some problems that should be looked into, she ought to be evaluated by a specialist.
All if them should've told the little piece of s**t to f**k off if her idiot mum won't do it. Good on the wife. What little f**k up
Would have been more epic for your wife to say either she chucked the coffee because there was a fly in it an oops. Or that there was a fly on the kiddo an tried to drown it. I'm surprised your wife didn't chuck the coffee on the mom too. Hope your bro wises up an leaves her before he Loses his family because of her.
Yes, why not keep it and any other(s) from the malicious bítch?!
Load More Replies... I have a hard time condoning this action against a child, but I can certainly understand it also. I would like to hope that maybe in the future, cut off outings with people that have kids like this, BEFORE it gets to this point. But now that it's all said and done, I would say apologize for the action, but make your reason VERY clear and state, and stick to, not spending any time with them if the child will b there. And if they show up with her, they will b leaving and any potential funds paid, will NOT be refunded as they will know.
I'm surprised OP's wife had the restraint to not grab the swatter & smack the spoiled little witch right back in the face.
You , and especially your wife are owed an apology, for them calling her a c**t. If it was me, I'd have smacked BOTH of them. And not with a fly swatter!! Neither of you are the AHs. And to those family members who think you should apologize, they are AHs. Ask how they'd feel if they or their loved one was called c**t.
Sooner or later, that brat will hit the wrong person and get what is coming to her along with her idiot mother and father!
Honestly I would have taken all fly shatters. But I probably would have grabbed it the second time she hit me and told her mom if she does it again I'm going use the fly swatted on her a$s.
I would have paid to see that, it would be so satisfying. They should inform the brother that she's no longer welcome at any event or dinner they have. That brat is going to mess with the wrong kid and get her a*s handed to her 10 fold ... and she will deserve every single punch.
Oh, you don't like how I disciplined your child? Then don't make me have to discipline your child.
1x 2x 3x your out. If that entitled litte brat and her mom were at my house they would have been gone in 60 sec.You are not the ah
As much as I agree with the OP that the parents should have done stuff to correct Anna, I'm still wondering how can she be acting so horribly when her younger brothers are well-behaved... could there be some past trauma or smth?
My kid would never have behaved like that but she had a friend who did. When the friend was 9 I organised an Easter Egg hunt on my MIL’s property. When my SIL told the kids not to eat the eggs all at once this kid told her to f*** off. SIL laughed. I was mortified. The child’s mother told her to apologise and she refused. That was it. The child is now 20. Has spent years in and out of care. Mother put her on birth control at 13. No parental responsibility means that kids don’t learn.
if the brat's behavior doesnt improve eventually shes going to p**s of someone who wont have problems with teaching her manners the painful way
I think that Anna completely deserved that. After being told not to so many times it makes sense.
I can see why OPs wife did that, but honestly 2 wrongs don't make a right. This child obviously has issues and there doesn't seem to be any attempt to address those. She's out of place, that's obvious, she's in that strange place of no longer being a young child or an adult. Doesn't excuse her behavior but it seems like no one cares. As for the correct reaction to her behavior I'm not sure but throwing coffee- cold or hot, was not a suitable adult reaction
Seems like Anna is starved for attention. Good or bad. She certainly had everyone's attention after she got coffee dumped on her. At 12, she knows damn well she shouldn't be doing that. Your wife is my hero for finally stopping it. How long was dipsh*t GF going to let her go on like that with no ramifications?
Oh, man. If I had done that ONE time, I'd have gotten in to so much trouble, especially at someone else's place. I knew manners from the time I started understanding what they were. Both my parents and grandparents made sure I behaved myself. I'd have been sent out in one of those canoes for the rest of the day and ignored!
WOW. I'd have put that little b*tch on her a** at the second swat. Your wife showed amazing restraint. You guys are SO NTAs.
I will probably be downvoted for writing this, but I felt sorry for Anna. As I read it she desperately tried to get noticed by her mother, but without any luck. The two younger siblings (boys!) have likely taken up the moms notice, and the mother forgot about Anna. I have seen it happening where I work at school.
Another example of what happens when you don’t set boundaries for children. They ”learn” behaviour from the parents acting as much as from them not acting. The worst thing is the mother saying ”I don’t know why she does that”. It reveals a lot about her. Maybe she was brought up the same way. I’m wondering if the daughter might have a real problem, a psychiatric one.
What the GF doesn't realize is that there are adults out there who can't stand kids. At. All. If sweet (?!) little Anna ever pulls the flyswatter number or something similar with one of THEM, she could easily end up having her face permanently rearranged. Or worse. FAR worse. If nothing else, if the behavior is allowed to continue, by the time her mother get around to doing something about it, the law and CPS may have had to step in. It'll cost a lot of money to clean up the mess, AND get her daughter back.
Only issue I think here is that the woman didn't warm up her coffee first and give the little brat lesson she'd never forgot...
I don't understand how it's ever ok to throw coffee on a kid. ESH. Obviously the child and her mom needed to be kicked off the property, but this could have been done by curtly asking them to leave, not dumping coffee on a child.
I definitely don't think the brother is to blame. If he stepped in the mother and 12 yr old would likely turn on him. The mother is to blame and a lazy useless mother at that. Kid is acting out because of her indifference. I feel sorry for the wife and although don't necessarily agree with throwing coffee over the girl (I probably would have done worse) it's a great reflex! Good on her. Feel sorry for the 2 little boys who are probably neglected because they don't act out.
I would have told the girl, and her mom and the bf/brother that if she touched another fly swatter (after I took them away from the girl), they would be invited to leave. The well behaved boys could stay, if they wanted too. I was raised on "good kids get good things." The two adults allowing the behavior are just as bad. So, no soup for you!
My mother used a flyswatter on my sister & I when we were kids. The type with the handle that looked (and felt)like it was made from a metal coat hanger. She also used to grab my hair to "get my attention". I can tune out yelling(I went to Marine boot camp in 1985), pulling my hair does absolutely nothing, but God help your@55 if you pick up a flyswatter.
The kid, mother and equally toxic guy are also the bugs here. Worse than flies.
Load More Replies... Personally I would've done this: 1. thrown the kid off of the balcony while saying she was infected with flies, and I was saving her life. 2. thrown my fridge down after her. 3. when in hopsital turn off her pills and anesthetic so she's in tons of pain. 4. parents text me saying someone did that 5. respond with, "oh sh*t thats what i missed." before blocking them on all social media 6. ban them from my property except for the boys. 7. Stab the girl (ofc not rlly but still) 8. 'forget' to attend her funeral 9. set her body on fire, 'on accident' 10. yell "FINALLY SHES GONE" at her funeral. Thank you for listening to my amazing plan
I would've wacked that kid with a fly swatter before saying, "Bug, missed it." Pushing the girl off the balcony with the swatter. "Oops, bug, missed it!" I'd yell as Anna fell down a three story building. Then when Anna is in hospital I would turn off everything keeping her alive, her parents would text me saying, "they forgot to keep life support on, but they kept the anesthetic, and some pills on her, she should survive." I would reply with, "Oh bug, I missed those."
Failure to adult all around. The girl, her mother and OPs brother should have all been asked to leave after the second round of knocking over drinks and assult on the hostess. She shouldn't have thrown her drink on the girl but it also shouldn't have come to the point that it did. They took the offending flyswatter from the girl and she found another and continued in her bad behavior. That was the point that it's time for her to leave. She was spoken to and so was her mother. It should have been made very apparent to them both that if she didn't correct her behavior they'd all be leaving immediately. It's up to parents to supervise, discipline and provide entertainment/deversions for their children. A 12 year old girl with known behavioral problems isn't going to just 'go play' with her younger brothers; and if she does I'd want them to be supervised so she doesn't get up to anything dangerous. I agree that it's the girls mothers' lack of parenting and/or failure to get her daughter the support she requires. The girl obviously has something going on as a 12 year old should know that this is not acceptable behavior toward another person, let alone at that person's house. It might be untreated/diagnosed ADHD or ODD; or simply terminally poor parenting. Either way the girls behavior was beyond unacceptable but so was OPs wife's reaction.
I once had someones crotch goblin drive me insane for umpteenth time and when they kept refusing or half heartily reacted it did nothing to correct the behavior. I snatched the kid up he was about 7. We went out in the back yard and I held him up so that we were face to face and I whispered to him that he behaving like miserable twat, I told him that he has the ability to be a good boy and that he should try very hard to do so the rest of the night or else, we might have to have another, not so friendly talk. He was *not* used to somebody not yelling and straight threatening to beat him, so for the rest of the evening he was the epitome of a brilliant kid. As a reward I took him out to McDonalds for a cone. He learnt that day that I will not tolerate bad behavior, but good behavior is often rewarded. Sadly (or perhaps not) he and his siblings were removed by CPS due to their parents parenting style, or lack there of.
what tf do you expect her to do? yeah sure she shouldn’t have swatted people with the fly swatter, that’s not cool. but like she was told to go play with a 6 and 8 year old boy? she’s a 12 year old girl they have little in common. when i was twelve i liked being involved with the grown ups and their conversations and they were nice enough to include me. everyone sucks here. and this smells made up like who tf actually acts like that
Fûcking GROSS besides all else! What stupid vile ãsshole cünts+! Psycho shìt piles!
The "problem child" is actually a child whose needs aren't being met by the parents. You are "problem adults" who label such children as problems, when it is the parents failing that child.
I wouldn't feel any compassion for anyone who smacked me over a certain age (and 12 is way past that age). Period. I'd be understanding enough to not retaliate like OP did and just tell the parents to take the child out of my house. Stating the obvious (it's the parents fault) doesn't negate the result. and I'd be fully entitled to not be around that child anymore. And yes, problem child/problem parents l don't really care. Same result. This whole "you need to understand...." Comes to an end if l'm attacked.
Load More Replies... Poor Anna. Her mother has three kids that she started having at 18. Anna is so desperate for her Mother's attention and look what happens. People are vilifying her for her destructive behavior. Can't anyone else see what pain this little girl is in? She has to fight for mother's attention against two siblings, countless boyfriends, boy friends FAMILIES, I mean this is sickening. That poor girl.
More restraint than I have. I would have tied the little b***h to a tree and thrown mummy in the lake within minutes. The brother is also a massive twat. One day the 'little darling' is going to do this sort of s**t to the wrong person and get beaten to death, with justification.
As you can see from my previous comments l advocate for kicking the mother and child out instead of any retaliation. Now, please explain to me why anyone should control themselves no matter how many times a 12 yo hit them in the head with a flyswatter, because your take sounds as harming as overreaction, tbh. I won't tolerate anyone over a certain age hitting me. That's for sure. And no one should. The first hit they should be invited to leave. That's way more educative than putting up with the whole acting up because "they're only kids"
Load More Replies... Read the texts. Several people have taken action, in words like you suggested and action as in talking the swatter, to no avail. You paint yourself as a semi god in parenting, but you sounds so theoretical, I bet you couldn't handle an slightly difficult child to save your own life...
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