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Man Realizes His New Wife Isn’t Cut Out For Parenting, Makes A Decision That Leaves His Daughters In Tears
Parents hire nannies to provide an extra helping hand with childcare. A wrong way to go about it is to pass on all child-rearing obligations to this person because you couldn’t handle them.
This is exactly what a couple did when they realized they weren’t fit to be the primary caregivers for their two daughters. It had gotten to the point where the young girls began getting upset about the situation.
The chaos prompted the dad to ask the internet whether he and his wife were in the wrong.
RELATED:
Some parents unfortunately could not fulfill their obligations to their children
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This couple hired a nanny because they couldn’t be proper caregivers to their two daughters
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The situation turned chaotic, prompting the husband to wonder whether he and his wife were in the wrong
Image credits: ThrowawyTri
The mental load that parents carry can be too overwhelming for some
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Parents immediately carry hefty obligations the moment their child is born. These responsibilities involve a mental load, which licensed therapist Paige Bellenbaum describes as the “invisible labor” involved in running a household.
“It’s mothers and fathers being in a constant state of thinking about what’s happening right now, what needs to happen tomorrow, the next month, the next year,” Bellenbaum told Parents.com
The “invisibility” is what makes mental load overwhelming for people. It is unlike finished tasks like purchasing groceries or packing the kids’ lunches, all of which you actually see and check off your to-do list.
According to licensed psychologist Dr. Carissa Gustafson, women, in particular, carry a heavier mental load, thanks to cultural expectations around motherhood.
“Women are often given both explicit and implicit messages that a “good” mother should naturally keep track of everything, remain emotionally available to everyone around her, manage the household, and handle these responsibilities without appearing overwhelmed,” she wrote.
Indeed, parenting is never easy. However, it is also unbecoming to pass on all the obligations to another person because you couldn’t handle them.
Based on the husband’s account, they both seem overwhelmed by the parental mental load, which is a matter of proper distribution. According to family mediator and registered social worker Stefanie Peachey, it all comes down to fair division of labor, creating a family culture of shared responsibility, and embracing imperfection.
“Sharing responsibility fosters mutual respect, strengthens relationships, and ultimately improves family well-being,” Peachey wrote.
While there is nothing wrong with hiring a nanny, the author and his wife messed up by essentially abandoning their parental duties. Unfortunately, they failed to see their shortcomings and instead focused on their daughters’ reaction towards the idea of having a nanny, which was justifiable.
Many people in the comments pinned the fault on the author
However, there were a few who thought his decision was acceptable
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.
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What do you think ?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 weeks ago (edited)
They both sound gross to me. Hooked up during grief counselling in rapid time, huge age gap, neither of them can cook (or clean apparently if they outsource that too). And these idiots are in charge of two children. What are they actually doing for these kids if they don't feed them, clean them, help them emotionally, or even spend time with them and pick them up from school? Does OP even LIKE his kids? Sounds like he hasn't parented a day in his life! He even slàgged off his dèad wife in the one and only response he posted!!! Both he and Alicia sound like pathetic, selfish, immature and wholly repugnant losers. Those poor kids. Hope this POS loses everything.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
Right, I think same, also his comment about his late wife, omg he sounds a brilliant catch ….. NOT 😳poor poor kids palmed off on a nanny cos their father is bloody useless and the replacement wife he married way to soon is equally as useless as an adult, (my father did same with me after he ended my mums life 60 yrs ago last month when I was 8 mths old ,his mum n dad bought me up, while he married my first step mother less than two yrs after she d I e d to . He also blamed me saying it was my fault she died ,and I threw a tantrum at his wedding to sm refused to live with them apparently , cos my gran would have put up with that lmao, she never tolerated tantrums lol ,) so I know how those poor kids will be feeling xx
Load More Replies...
moggiemoo 2 weeks ago
This is the first time I've thought that the kids would be better off in care.
Kathy Dragonfly 2 weeks ago
same! desperately want some loving grandparents or mothers siblings to step up and take the kids
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Earonn - 2 weeks ago
Replaced his wife as quickly as possible, giving neither her nor the kids time to adapt. The kids don't want a nanny, they want a mother - they're probably not even over losing their biological one. And now he's coming online to get absolution? Goodness me, guy, you wouldn't have died if your d/ck had been dry for more than a year! (Yes, I know he can't hear me).
HappyLion95 2 weeks ago
Exactly the kids are literally confused and the adults are useless minus the poor nanny
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Bubblebee 2 weeks ago (edited)
How is he in his forties and cannot clean or cook?? The way he talks about it, you'd think he's a doctor or a lawyer that spends all days away from home. But no, he's a landlord 🤣 Apparently, this is such a busy "career" that you have to have someone else do basic things at home for you... I'd be ashamed to even say stuff like this. If you don't know how to cook, you learn, not outsource it 🤦♀️
43Duckies 2 weeks ago
When I read that he was well-off as an AirBnB landlord, I thought, "Yeah, that tracks."
Load More Replies...
marcelo D. 2 weeks ago
Manchild that doesn't even know how to take care of himself, marries woman in an attempt to get a bangmaid, is an idiot, more news at 11
Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago
If you can afford it, hiring a nanny is fine, no matter the circumstances.
Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago
Cat hit post before I finished typing. Having a nanny does not mean you don't need to parent. It sounds like those kids want to connect with the new wife, so the new wife should step up to connect. Watch movies with the kids. If the kids want pasta a certain way, then go with the kids and the nanny onto the kitchen and chat with the kids while the nanny cooks. Back up the nanny on any parenting (assuming she is a good nanny) and make sure nanny understands your lack of skills and that you are following her lead on parenting but also trying to be the parent the kids need. Having a nanny doesn't mean you get to ignore the kids, it means you have added support in raising the kids, but you still need to be a patent.
Load More Replies...
Beak Hookage 2 weeks ago
You don't marry someone who has children unless you're prepared to help raise those kids. You just don't. Alicia sounds like a lazy a-hole and the so-called father sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't give a rat's backside about his kids. Poor things. Methinks someone's going to be very lonely in the nursing home one day.
ID 2 weeks ago
When will sugardaddy learn that taking the kids out for shopping and watching tv with them is not a nanny thing. It's not even an au pair thing. That's a parent bonding thing. So sad that the kids know better but he won't listen to them because it's more important to get his richard wet
Tabitha 2 weeks ago (edited)
Listen, when I was 18, and could finally get away from my rotten parents, my older brothers helped me. The oldest flew me out to where he lived, and I stayed with him, my SIL and my pre-teen niece. Until I found a job and moved out, guess what one of my responsibilities was? Yep, I was my niece’s ride to and from school (brother and wife both worked and weren’t home until after 6pm). I also got to get the house together for dinner. At 18, I took on those jobs with zero problem, and only needed to learn the times for school to get my niece to and from. Straightening up the house was just an extension of cleaning my room, and when my niece was in school I was the only one at home during the day, until I too had full time work to go to. So if an 18 year old, who was also the baby of her family so never had to take care of younger siblings, can take on those responsibilities with little effort, I don’t see how someone of either OP’s or his trophy wife’s ages has such a d**n hard time. Hell, I was still 18 when I got my first apartment by myself, and was paying my own rent and bills just fine. How TF does anyone over the age of 18—or 22 if they go to college—-manage to NOT learn how to do such basic adulting? No one should be so pampered they just flat out fail when it’s their turn to be the grownup in the house!
Scott Rackley 2 weeks ago
Sounds like two of the most useless people I've heard of. You can take cooking classes. It's also super duper hard to f**k up a soup recipe.
Ms.GB 2 weeks ago
I would think your number one priority as a parent would be your children. It doesn't sound like he took them into consideration at all when choosing a new partner.
Ginger Winters 4 days ago
Doesn't sound like he took it into consideration beforehand either
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GatorGran 2 weeks ago
Dud the father know the new partner very long before they got married? Is she a lot younger than him? Seems like he followed his emotions but didn't give time for his new wife and the kids to bond. New wife also sounds like she doesn't really want kids. I feel badly for the children.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 weeks ago (edited)
They both sound gross to me. Hooked up during grief counselling in rapid time, huge age gap, neither of them can cook (or clean apparently if they outsource that too). And these idiots are in charge of two children. What are they actually doing for these kids if they don't feed them, clean them, help them emotionally, or even spend time with them and pick them up from school? Does OP even LIKE his kids? Sounds like he hasn't parented a day in his life! He even slàgged off his dèad wife in the one and only response he posted!!! Both he and Alicia sound like pathetic, selfish, immature and wholly repugnant losers. Those poor kids. Hope this POS loses everything.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
Right, I think same, also his comment about his late wife, omg he sounds a brilliant catch ….. NOT 😳poor poor kids palmed off on a nanny cos their father is bloody useless and the replacement wife he married way to soon is equally as useless as an adult, (my father did same with me after he ended my mums life 60 yrs ago last month when I was 8 mths old ,his mum n dad bought me up, while he married my first step mother less than two yrs after she d I e d to . He also blamed me saying it was my fault she died ,and I threw a tantrum at his wedding to sm refused to live with them apparently , cos my gran would have put up with that lmao, she never tolerated tantrums lol ,) so I know how those poor kids will be feeling xx
Load More Replies... moggiemoo 2 weeks ago
This is the first time I've thought that the kids would be better off in care.
Kathy Dragonfly 2 weeks ago
same! desperately want some loving grandparents or mothers siblings to step up and take the kids
Load More Replies... Earonn - 2 weeks ago
Replaced his wife as quickly as possible, giving neither her nor the kids time to adapt. The kids don't want a nanny, they want a mother - they're probably not even over losing their biological one. And now he's coming online to get absolution? Goodness me, guy, you wouldn't have died if your d/ck had been dry for more than a year! (Yes, I know he can't hear me).
HappyLion95 2 weeks ago
Exactly the kids are literally confused and the adults are useless minus the poor nanny
Load More Replies... Bubblebee 2 weeks ago (edited)
How is he in his forties and cannot clean or cook?? The way he talks about it, you'd think he's a doctor or a lawyer that spends all days away from home. But no, he's a landlord 🤣 Apparently, this is such a busy "career" that you have to have someone else do basic things at home for you... I'd be ashamed to even say stuff like this. If you don't know how to cook, you learn, not outsource it 🤦♀️
43Duckies 2 weeks ago
When I read that he was well-off as an AirBnB landlord, I thought, "Yeah, that tracks."
Load More Replies... marcelo D. 2 weeks ago
Manchild that doesn't even know how to take care of himself, marries woman in an attempt to get a bangmaid, is an idiot, more news at 11
Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago
If you can afford it, hiring a nanny is fine, no matter the circumstances.
Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago
Cat hit post before I finished typing. Having a nanny does not mean you don't need to parent. It sounds like those kids want to connect with the new wife, so the new wife should step up to connect. Watch movies with the kids. If the kids want pasta a certain way, then go with the kids and the nanny onto the kitchen and chat with the kids while the nanny cooks. Back up the nanny on any parenting (assuming she is a good nanny) and make sure nanny understands your lack of skills and that you are following her lead on parenting but also trying to be the parent the kids need. Having a nanny doesn't mean you get to ignore the kids, it means you have added support in raising the kids, but you still need to be a patent.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 2 weeks ago
You don't marry someone who has children unless you're prepared to help raise those kids. You just don't. Alicia sounds like a lazy a-hole and the so-called father sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't give a rat's backside about his kids. Poor things. Methinks someone's going to be very lonely in the nursing home one day.
ID 2 weeks ago
When will sugardaddy learn that taking the kids out for shopping and watching tv with them is not a nanny thing. It's not even an au pair thing. That's a parent bonding thing. So sad that the kids know better but he won't listen to them because it's more important to get his richard wet
Tabitha 2 weeks ago (edited)
Listen, when I was 18, and could finally get away from my rotten parents, my older brothers helped me. The oldest flew me out to where he lived, and I stayed with him, my SIL and my pre-teen niece. Until I found a job and moved out, guess what one of my responsibilities was? Yep, I was my niece’s ride to and from school (brother and wife both worked and weren’t home until after 6pm). I also got to get the house together for dinner. At 18, I took on those jobs with zero problem, and only needed to learn the times for school to get my niece to and from. Straightening up the house was just an extension of cleaning my room, and when my niece was in school I was the only one at home during the day, until I too had full time work to go to. So if an 18 year old, who was also the baby of her family so never had to take care of younger siblings, can take on those responsibilities with little effort, I don’t see how someone of either OP’s or his trophy wife’s ages has such a d**n hard time. Hell, I was still 18 when I got my first apartment by myself, and was paying my own rent and bills just fine. How TF does anyone over the age of 18—or 22 if they go to college—-manage to NOT learn how to do such basic adulting? No one should be so pampered they just flat out fail when it’s their turn to be the grownup in the house!
Scott Rackley 2 weeks ago
Sounds like two of the most useless people I've heard of. You can take cooking classes. It's also super duper hard to f**k up a soup recipe.
Ms.GB 2 weeks ago
I would think your number one priority as a parent would be your children. It doesn't sound like he took them into consideration at all when choosing a new partner.
Ginger Winters 4 days ago
Doesn't sound like he took it into consideration beforehand either
Load More Replies... GatorGran 2 weeks ago
Dud the father know the new partner very long before they got married? Is she a lot younger than him? Seems like he followed his emotions but didn't give time for his new wife and the kids to bond. New wife also sounds like she doesn't really want kids. I feel badly for the children.
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