“A Waste Of A Pretty Face”: Woman Divorces Husband Of 6 Years Over A Puzzle
Interview With Author
There’s nothing wrong with having different interests from your significant other. For one, having separate hobbies from your partner allows you to grow as a person and try new things. Therapists even claim that couples who share too much in common often become bored in the relationship.
But redditor MotherNegotiation42’s husband wasn’t exactly supportive of her separate activities. He would often make snarky comments about her staying at home and working on her prized puzzles. Recently, they had an intense fight about it, making her realize she hated the person she’s been married to for six years.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with the original author, Mother_Negotiation42, and relationship expert, founder, and CEO of Couples Experience, Tamika Carlton, who kindly agreed to tell us more about couples and hobbies.
Having separate hobbies from your partner can be healthy
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
However, this husband was mocking wife’s interests, which led to a divorce
Image credits: pernilla11 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: sedrik2007 (not the actual photo)
After receiving many questions, the wife provided more information on the matter
Image source: Mother_Negotiation42
Her interest in puzzles started when she was young, in a small, rainy village where there wasn’t much to do
Image source: natanavo (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to the original author of the story, Mother_Negotiation42, who kindly agreed to share more details about it. Firstly, we were curious to know what inspired her to take this online in the first place.
“I shared the story out of a place of deep frustration. At the time I wrote it, I still hadn’t had a proper conversation with my husband, and many people were telling me that I was wrong for looking into divorce so quickly. The comment that bothered me the most was made by one of his ex-girlfriends, with whom we both stayed friends. She told me I should be grateful for the “smooth sailing” relationship we’ve had and that I shouldn’t throw it all away over a silly puzzle fixation.”
She explains that her interest in puzzles started when she was young. She was growing up in a small, rainy village where there wasn’t much to do, especially being the only child. “I’d spend a lot of time doing board games with my grandma, who lived with us at the time, but I’d always had the most fun when spending time on these puzzles.”
Having taken her story online, she felt seen and validated in the decision she was going to make. “I knew from the very beginning that I wasn’t going to make my decision based solely on the replies I got from this post, but I wanted to know if I was completely incorrect in the whole situation because it felt like everyone in my life at the time was telling me so.”
Separate hobbies might bring frustration into a relationship
Image source: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
We also contacted relationship expert, founder, and CEO of Couples Experience, Tamika Carlton, who kindly agreed to tell us more about couples and hobbies. She believes that having separate hobbies can be helpful. “When you are in a healthy partnership and relationship, somehow, you begin to gain interest in what one another loves. It really is a result of spending quality time with one another. I also suggest introducing each other to what you love. That will create a deeper bond between you and your partner.
But what if this fails and the other person starts to voice frustrations about your dissimilar activities? Carlton suggests, “It’s important for your partner to have their own individual identity and not have to conform to what you love, so don’t force it.
It’s also essential to pick your battles and only address the foundational issues that are really bothering you. Most times, if your partner doesn’t share your interests or hobbies, it is not a true concern. It is likely more about wanting to feel connected to them and to have something that the two of you can enjoy together. Rather than attempt to force your partner to love what you love, find a different hobby that can be of interest to you both. ”
With some creativity, separate hobbies and relationships can be perfectly compatible
Image source: nd3000 (not thea actual photo)
One way to feel connected even though the partners don’t share the same activities is to explore new things together. Carlton explains, “I always suggest couples expand their normal day-to-day activities and give something new a try. There are SO many things that you can do these days. From museums to bar crawls to sharing an evening or weekend in a nearby town you’ve never been to before to simply go to see a show at the theater or even the couples experience, a subscription gift box provides you with a number of date night ideas without you even having to leave the house.
The point is that it’s best to be open to experiencing something new together. Step out of your comfort zone together and see how much your connection shifts for the better. I remember Logan and I went zip-lining together in Costa Rica. This was literally not what either one of us would have ever done before, but there was something intriguing that occurred when we tackled our fears together. The bond between us got even deeper.”
Commenters were saying that the wife wasn’t wrong for wanting a divorce and that the puzzle was the least of their problems
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He is a misogynistic pig. First he claims her value is tarnished when she dated other men while they were single "having a break". But it was "different" for him to see other women...because he is a man. He insulted her and the women he dated in one dung filled sentence because having are pee pee makes him "special". The puzzle issue was him breaking her down even further because her interests and hobbies have no value, because he said so, therefore he is right. If she hadn't left, he would have exulted in breaking his wife down to where she belongs, under his rotting thumbs. Dump the human refuse, he is pond scum.
You do not even work as friends. He said you should go out more because staying in is "a waste of your pretty face"??? No. He told you that he only values you as an accessory. Believe him.
I didn't even need to read after that. He wants a trophy, not a partner.
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He found her attractive but didn't love her, I see that a lot
Bingo. Wanted a "pretty face" on his arm when he went out and didn't like that she preferred to stay home. She's going to be much happier without him.
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I personally don't care about puzzles. That said, the cruelty of throwing her treasured puzzles in the trash is inexcusable.
My ex did the same to me. I had a little collection of German porcellan Christmas decorations, I'd buy myself a new one each year and really enjoyed arranging them together with our children. I loved them. He thought they were "stupid" and a "waste of space". They may have only been objects but his attitude was one of the reasons for the divorce. I have no regrets over my decision.
My ex threw away my entire collection of original Disney vhs tapes from when I was a child because “I’d never watch them again”. I was heart broken.
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My fiancé is hugely into pinball. Pinball video games, pinball books, watches videos about the history of pinball. If we had the room and could afford it, he'd have a retro pinball table for the heck of it, even if it was unplayable. Do I understand his interest? Not really. Pinball is a classic game to me and nothing more. Do I respect his interest? Yes, because that's what a loving partner does. I have no doubt he'd dump me on the spot if I threw out all of his pinball games and books, and I'd absolutely deserve it.
Yes, this isn't even about sharing hobbies, it's about respecting your partner's property too. If I find socks with holes in the laundry, I still ask my boyfriend if I can throw them out. It's his stuff, no matter how broken it is.
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I know this isn't a serious hard-hitting new site but this title? Woman Divorces Husband Of 6 Years Over A Puzzle? What b******t. He took things that meant something to her and threw them away. He's consistently taken something that she finds joy in and turned it ugly for her. He actually argued that he could sleep around during their break - but she couldn't because of he worth. This is disgusting. To the original poster - you do *not* need to explain or defend your love for puzzles. There's nothing weird/wrong about it. He's disgusting. Get your own apartment fill it with beautiful puzzles and have a wonderful life.
Sad that OP doesn't see that her husband is an abuser. People seem to think that you need to have bruises and broken bones to have suffered from abuse. This asshat has been mentally and emotionally abusing OP. While her scars aren't visible for the world to see, she has them.
He was 100% abusive. My ex constantly destroyed things that meant something to me -- the last surviving dish from my mom's wedding china, my mom's genie bottle wine decanter, a couple xmas decorations my grandma had made. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.
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She doesn’t realize she’s in an abusive relationship yet. Once she’s left and seeks therapy it’ll hit her. Some people assume abuse means violence, but there’s more than one way to abuse a person and clearly he was verbally abusive.
Verbally abusive AND emotionally abusive. He is scum. Only interested in having her as a trophy wife and nothing more.
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i'm tryna figure out why so many people think the puzzle of her and a friend is of her and the guy she slept with. nothing in there says that. it says it's a gift from a friend who moved away, somebody she graduated with. how y'all getting this was the f**k buddy outta that? y'all should be boxers with THAT long-a*s reach...
"it was a gift from a friend that had moved away" and then "i was right to cheat on him with my friend that moved away" does kind of sound like it, but there isn't anything definitive
Load More Replies... I need to clarify something here. Don't get me wrong there is no excuse for what the guy did, but am I reading it right that, when he left she spent time doing a jigsaw puzzle of someone she cheated on him with and left it on the dining room table?
1. It says no where that the person who was in the puzzle was the man she slept with. 2. It *does* say that they were both on a break when she slept with this man. It also says THEY WERE BOTH SLEEPING WITH OTHERS - because they were on a break.
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I'm curious if the puzzle was picture of the same "friend" she supposedly "cheated" with while on their break.
In this case, it was puzzles. But, if it was puzzles, cooking, skiing, whatever, it was something that was important to her, so even if he's not into it, he should at the very, very least respect that it is important to her. Not disrespect, downplay and insult it on a regular basis. This is a big red flag that the person (her in this case) is not respected as a person. Many years ago, an ex gf (ended up not being very long term, but still) was really into reality shows...I really, really do not like reality shows. But, because I liked her and respected her as a person and her intelligence and that she was her own person with her own likes, I would watch them with her all the time. If it was up to me, would I ever watch one on my own or have I since our relationship? Hell no! But, did I have fun enjoying something she loved with her and making her happy? Hell yes! But again, I respected her and am not a self centered Ahole, so there was that.
This guy is a pig! I hope the best for OP. Also, did anyone else hear Ross scream "WE WERE ON A BREAK" when OP mentioned it?
Yep, lol, sorry but that was exactly where my mind went. Or rather the guy on the plane who Rachel was boring to death on the plane. (Can't remember who it was now. Someone uber famous as I recall). Joking aside. There is no forgiveness for his behaviour and to suggest that she's breaking up with him over a jigsaw just shows how he doesn't understand, at all, what he has done. I don't usually advocate divorce as a kneejerk reaction in these cases but in this one.....get out now.
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I'd be really interested to hear his side of the story to see how he would rationalise his thought processes. Easy NTA though.
time to learn for garbage men that that's exactly where they are going to end - in the garbage. And unlike the puzzles, nobody will try to get them out there again. The sexist swine doesn't deserve anything from OP.
Except several whacks with the back of a shovel. A large one.
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Didn't anybody else see that the last puzzle she was working on was a picture of her and the other guy she slept with? I wouldn't want that puzzle around either.
I don’t see how that would be relevant as he slept with MULTIPLE people during their break.
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He refused to take an interest in something important to you (the puzzles) but expected you to take an interest in his hobbies (going out and socializing). He threw out something that was expensive, irreplaceable and sentimental to you. What he did was intentionally hurtful and no one who loves you would do something like that. He’s selfish and immature. And everyone telling you that you’re making too big of a deal out of it needs to shut their mouths- others do not get to decide how important something is to you.
Enjoy your puzzles with somebody who enjoys you. What a great hobby.
#1 don't touch my puzzles #2 Being a man is not about control and domination. It's about support. I hope your ex wife finds a real partner.
A fair amount of their relationship as described reminds me of me and my ex, which makes me all the more grateful that he is not in my life anymore. As for OP, she is defnitely NTA - that was a custom-made (!) puzzle with clear sentimental value to her, and he just threw it out. Good riddance to him, hope she'll find happiness from here on out!
They NEVER EVER EVERRRR should have been togetherrrr, being so different AND his reactions to her ways!
He had every right to declined participating in her hobby. My boyfriend and I share many hobbies, but also we have our own hobbies separate from one another. However, we do NOT disrespect the other person's hobby just because it's not something we personally enjoy. He loves horror movies (the gorier the better) and they make me physically ill. Yet, as long as he respectfully leaves out the worst of the details, I happily listen to him when he's excited about one he just saw. OP's (ex)husband is an abusive manipulator. He will only get worse if she doesn't get out of there.
My Husband and I have own hobbies too, but, would it really have hurt him to spend the odd hour doing a puzzle with her? He wanted her to join in on his hobbies, so it's only fair to join in hers. Both hobbies are a nice way to spend a little down time together.
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It's not only the incompatibility of characters. Someone like this husband, acting with such disregard for his wife's feelings, and being unable to empathize with her, is displaying signs of some psychotic condition. Psychopaths are unable to understand other people's feelings.
She definitely married him out of desperation of trying NOT to be alone after the "friend" moved away. Obviously two completely different people such as themselves aren't compatible at all. I truly believe there's many more incidents besides the puzzles, this was just the breaking point. His behavior is nothing new, that guy clearly been a d**k for years. Said he shouldn't have married her too without hesitation after she said she shouldn't have married him, I believe him more than her. 🤨
What a piece of c**p human. It's really sad when you realize a person you knew for so long didn't actually value you as a person but as an accessory. It's also sad that some people in her life don't get why she put so much value on these puzzles. That's something that gives her an escape,something she enjoys doing and collecting,she doesn't need to give any explanation as to why. I think any normal person would be upset to find out your spouse who is supposed to be your number 1 fan and supporter,just threw away stuff you cherished. She should throw him out to the trash where he belongs and find someone who appreciates her for who she is.
He knew the puzzles held enough value to her to use them to hurt her, but then tells her to "let it go" because it shouldn't matter that much.
She didn't leave him over a puzzle. She left him because he was and is and always will be human garbage.
It's not about the puzzle, it's about the disregard and disrespect. Glad she left, fck that guy.
Generally, if you leave your husband like this, your mother and friends will tell you to try and work it out unless the guy is a long term a*****e. I bet they were jumping up and down with joy that she finally left him.
But she just said in her post that the people around her told her not to jump and ghink about divorcing the husband so quickly. That was bad advice on their part. Especially all those digusting comments he told her.
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You can label anything as "just a X". It's irrelevant what that object is, what matters is what that thing is to someone else. Anyone that tells you that something you think is important isn't, is an a*****e.
Boy does he sound insensitive and tone deaf... This isn't only about a puzzle, that is just the symptom, not the root of the problem. If that was the case, time might heal that wound. The real problems is that he either doesn't understand how she works at all, alternatively he just don't care about how he is hurting her with his choice of wording/message. If it is the first option that is the case, it might be fixable, if they figure out how to communicate properly, which will most likely require a therapist, as they have clearly demonstrated that they cannot figure this out on their own. If it is the second option, that he delibrately wanted to hurt her by destroying something that is of value to her, she is right in packing her stuff and running away.
His wife has never complained about his out-going nature and love for hiking, while day and night, he tells her to quit doing what she loves. He doesn't deserve her if he can't even respect her hobbies. And it makes no sense to throw away hours of work over a couple puzzle pieces scattered on a table that they probably hardly use. This husband really is misogynistic!
This: "First he claims her value is tarnished when she dated other men while they were single "having a break". But it was "different" for him to see other women...because he is a man." That's right on the money. Husband is the king of double standards. He has hobbie, he automatically assumes his hobbies are better than hers. He threw away a treasured gift she received from her bff. He said it belonged in the trash. That's just cruel and disrespectful. That's not love. He just wants a "pretty face" on his arm. She's better off without him, because that kind of behavior only gets worse.
Despite what OP said, this behaviour IS abusive! Abuse doesn't have to be beatings or shouts. This is emotional abuse ! Dump that pos yesterday!
The red flags here are insane. He has no respect for her, she's simply a pretty accessory, a piece of arm candy. I strongly suspect that once she is away from Him and finds new circles of people, as in away from his ex girlfriends too, she will start to see things differently as in way more red flags. There's no problem in being friends with exs but here, it sounds odd. Her stating that she cheated when she most categorically, did Not. They were on a break. That's not cheating, it's agreed and would be quite normal. He has worn this poor lass down with so much, I sincerely hope that once she has recovered properly from this nasty POS that she finds someone wonderful who fully supports her. His actions have been deliberate and calculated throughout. I hope she finds someone Fantastic ❤️
The real problem here is that people like this stuff. They seek it out, and gobble it up, and luxuriate in the second-hand feelings of victimization.
I'm not surprised it took one seemingly small act to cause her reaction because there was a lot more going on. She says he's not abusive but from what she has said it's been 6 years of snide comments, blaming her for sleeping with someone while on a break while he did it too, valuing her only for her face... all these do add up to low level abuse that is corrosive long term. Ok we are only hearing one side of the story but as her mother didn't try and talk her into going back suggests others could see things going wrong in the marriage for a long time. Glad she's out and I hope she can find something or someone that make her happier
Waste of a pretty face and ruining her worth? Eww. He's a pig. They're not compatible and he's a controlling jerk who only wants to show off his "trophy". Good riddance.
Makes you wonder what would happen if she 'lost' her pretty face to age or illness etc. I'm guessing he'd be out that door like greased lightning.
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I was going to say NTA, until she admitted that the puzzle she was working on was of her and the "friend" she cheated on her husband with. There is obviously a lot more to this story, but based on that information being withheld until it was easy to miss make YTA. I don't trust a word coming out of your mouth now.
Although 'being on a break' is not a condition I am familiar with, you're either together or you're not, is it cheating if they're not together? He slept with several women during the same 'break'. He told her all about it.
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As everything else has been said in the comments, I just only react to the 200+ puzzle... Yes, it's a typo clearly (should be 2000) but ofcourse my mind pictures a 200 pieces puzzle which can be solved by the average adult person, and her not being able to complete it in one night. That painted a picture of her for a second that is not positive.
It wasn't just the special puzzle he threw away, he threw away the whole collection! If it was a custom puzzle maybe her friend could have it made again, but a lot of puzzle companies discontinue old designs. She likely won't be able to recover a good portion of her collection. Really high quality puzzles can easily cost $20-40 these days. She must have spent many years and a lot of money collecting puzzles, only to have him toss it all out overnight. I've also loved puzzles since a kid and this would crush me. How cruel and vindictive, has he even apologized? How is this a 35 year old man? That's a child's response. Also, the "pretty face" part does not make up for him calling her "a waste." There's resentment behind those words. I'm glad she's divorcing him. I hope everyone in her life telling her she is wrong takes a hard look at themselves and ask why they are defending a misogynistic man child who is clearly not a good partner for OP.
I sometimes wonder why people post on AITA, when they SO CLEARLY are not. I'm sometimes tempted to go there and post "My friend shot me in the face and I died. AITA?"
Some people arent as confident as you. Theres a reason people don't leave their abusers as often as they should. They are manipulated into thinking they deserve it. So obviously when they start to push back, they question if they are wrong. Especially when people they care about them tell them they are wrong.
Load More Replies... OP'S soon-to-be ex is beyond misogynistic, he's an abusive narcissist. He actually believes that his wife is something you own, like a piece of jewelry or a charm bracelet. Except that he doesn't treat his wife with even that much respect. He is nothing but a piece of trash that needs to be hauled away ASAP. I hope OP strips him down to his pubic hair in court.
You should stay married, you seem like a perfect couple, both petty and childish.
He is a misogynistic pig. First he claims her value is tarnished when she dated other men while they were single "having a break". But it was "different" for him to see other women...because he is a man. He insulted her and the women he dated in one dung filled sentence because having are pee pee makes him "special". The puzzle issue was him breaking her down even further because her interests and hobbies have no value, because he said so, therefore he is right. If she hadn't left, he would have exulted in breaking his wife down to where she belongs, under his rotting thumbs. Dump the human refuse, he is pond scum.
You do not even work as friends. He said you should go out more because staying in is "a waste of your pretty face"??? No. He told you that he only values you as an accessory. Believe him.
I didn't even need to read after that. He wants a trophy, not a partner.
Load More Replies... He found her attractive but didn't love her, I see that a lot
Bingo. Wanted a "pretty face" on his arm when he went out and didn't like that she preferred to stay home. She's going to be much happier without him.
Load More Replies... I personally don't care about puzzles. That said, the cruelty of throwing her treasured puzzles in the trash is inexcusable.
My ex did the same to me. I had a little collection of German porcellan Christmas decorations, I'd buy myself a new one each year and really enjoyed arranging them together with our children. I loved them. He thought they were "stupid" and a "waste of space". They may have only been objects but his attitude was one of the reasons for the divorce. I have no regrets over my decision.
My ex threw away my entire collection of original Disney vhs tapes from when I was a child because “I’d never watch them again”. I was heart broken.
Load More Replies... My fiancé is hugely into pinball. Pinball video games, pinball books, watches videos about the history of pinball. If we had the room and could afford it, he'd have a retro pinball table for the heck of it, even if it was unplayable. Do I understand his interest? Not really. Pinball is a classic game to me and nothing more. Do I respect his interest? Yes, because that's what a loving partner does. I have no doubt he'd dump me on the spot if I threw out all of his pinball games and books, and I'd absolutely deserve it.
Yes, this isn't even about sharing hobbies, it's about respecting your partner's property too. If I find socks with holes in the laundry, I still ask my boyfriend if I can throw them out. It's his stuff, no matter how broken it is.
Load More Replies... I know this isn't a serious hard-hitting new site but this title? Woman Divorces Husband Of 6 Years Over A Puzzle? What b******t. He took things that meant something to her and threw them away. He's consistently taken something that she finds joy in and turned it ugly for her. He actually argued that he could sleep around during their break - but she couldn't because of he worth. This is disgusting. To the original poster - you do *not* need to explain or defend your love for puzzles. There's nothing weird/wrong about it. He's disgusting. Get your own apartment fill it with beautiful puzzles and have a wonderful life.
Sad that OP doesn't see that her husband is an abuser. People seem to think that you need to have bruises and broken bones to have suffered from abuse. This asshat has been mentally and emotionally abusing OP. While her scars aren't visible for the world to see, she has them.
He was 100% abusive. My ex constantly destroyed things that meant something to me -- the last surviving dish from my mom's wedding china, my mom's genie bottle wine decanter, a couple xmas decorations my grandma had made. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Load More Replies... She doesn’t realize she’s in an abusive relationship yet. Once she’s left and seeks therapy it’ll hit her. Some people assume abuse means violence, but there’s more than one way to abuse a person and clearly he was verbally abusive.
Verbally abusive AND emotionally abusive. He is scum. Only interested in having her as a trophy wife and nothing more.
Load More Replies... i'm tryna figure out why so many people think the puzzle of her and a friend is of her and the guy she slept with. nothing in there says that. it says it's a gift from a friend who moved away, somebody she graduated with. how y'all getting this was the f**k buddy outta that? y'all should be boxers with THAT long-a*s reach...
"it was a gift from a friend that had moved away" and then "i was right to cheat on him with my friend that moved away" does kind of sound like it, but there isn't anything definitive
Load More Replies... I need to clarify something here. Don't get me wrong there is no excuse for what the guy did, but am I reading it right that, when he left she spent time doing a jigsaw puzzle of someone she cheated on him with and left it on the dining room table?
1. It says no where that the person who was in the puzzle was the man she slept with. 2. It *does* say that they were both on a break when she slept with this man. It also says THEY WERE BOTH SLEEPING WITH OTHERS - because they were on a break.
Load More Replies... I'm curious if the puzzle was picture of the same "friend" she supposedly "cheated" with while on their break.
In this case, it was puzzles. But, if it was puzzles, cooking, skiing, whatever, it was something that was important to her, so even if he's not into it, he should at the very, very least respect that it is important to her. Not disrespect, downplay and insult it on a regular basis. This is a big red flag that the person (her in this case) is not respected as a person. Many years ago, an ex gf (ended up not being very long term, but still) was really into reality shows...I really, really do not like reality shows. But, because I liked her and respected her as a person and her intelligence and that she was her own person with her own likes, I would watch them with her all the time. If it was up to me, would I ever watch one on my own or have I since our relationship? Hell no! But, did I have fun enjoying something she loved with her and making her happy? Hell yes! But again, I respected her and am not a self centered Ahole, so there was that.
This guy is a pig! I hope the best for OP. Also, did anyone else hear Ross scream "WE WERE ON A BREAK" when OP mentioned it?
Yep, lol, sorry but that was exactly where my mind went. Or rather the guy on the plane who Rachel was boring to death on the plane. (Can't remember who it was now. Someone uber famous as I recall). Joking aside. There is no forgiveness for his behaviour and to suggest that she's breaking up with him over a jigsaw just shows how he doesn't understand, at all, what he has done. I don't usually advocate divorce as a kneejerk reaction in these cases but in this one.....get out now.
Load More Replies... I'd be really interested to hear his side of the story to see how he would rationalise his thought processes. Easy NTA though.
time to learn for garbage men that that's exactly where they are going to end - in the garbage. And unlike the puzzles, nobody will try to get them out there again. The sexist swine doesn't deserve anything from OP.
Except several whacks with the back of a shovel. A large one.
Load More Replies... Didn't anybody else see that the last puzzle she was working on was a picture of her and the other guy she slept with? I wouldn't want that puzzle around either.
I don’t see how that would be relevant as he slept with MULTIPLE people during their break.
Load More Replies... He refused to take an interest in something important to you (the puzzles) but expected you to take an interest in his hobbies (going out and socializing). He threw out something that was expensive, irreplaceable and sentimental to you. What he did was intentionally hurtful and no one who loves you would do something like that. He’s selfish and immature. And everyone telling you that you’re making too big of a deal out of it needs to shut their mouths- others do not get to decide how important something is to you.
Enjoy your puzzles with somebody who enjoys you. What a great hobby.
#1 don't touch my puzzles #2 Being a man is not about control and domination. It's about support. I hope your ex wife finds a real partner.
A fair amount of their relationship as described reminds me of me and my ex, which makes me all the more grateful that he is not in my life anymore. As for OP, she is defnitely NTA - that was a custom-made (!) puzzle with clear sentimental value to her, and he just threw it out. Good riddance to him, hope she'll find happiness from here on out!
They NEVER EVER EVERRRR should have been togetherrrr, being so different AND his reactions to her ways!
He had every right to declined participating in her hobby. My boyfriend and I share many hobbies, but also we have our own hobbies separate from one another. However, we do NOT disrespect the other person's hobby just because it's not something we personally enjoy. He loves horror movies (the gorier the better) and they make me physically ill. Yet, as long as he respectfully leaves out the worst of the details, I happily listen to him when he's excited about one he just saw. OP's (ex)husband is an abusive manipulator. He will only get worse if she doesn't get out of there.
My Husband and I have own hobbies too, but, would it really have hurt him to spend the odd hour doing a puzzle with her? He wanted her to join in on his hobbies, so it's only fair to join in hers. Both hobbies are a nice way to spend a little down time together.
Load More Replies... It's not only the incompatibility of characters. Someone like this husband, acting with such disregard for his wife's feelings, and being unable to empathize with her, is displaying signs of some psychotic condition. Psychopaths are unable to understand other people's feelings.
She definitely married him out of desperation of trying NOT to be alone after the "friend" moved away. Obviously two completely different people such as themselves aren't compatible at all. I truly believe there's many more incidents besides the puzzles, this was just the breaking point. His behavior is nothing new, that guy clearly been a d**k for years. Said he shouldn't have married her too without hesitation after she said she shouldn't have married him, I believe him more than her. 🤨
What a piece of c**p human. It's really sad when you realize a person you knew for so long didn't actually value you as a person but as an accessory. It's also sad that some people in her life don't get why she put so much value on these puzzles. That's something that gives her an escape,something she enjoys doing and collecting,she doesn't need to give any explanation as to why. I think any normal person would be upset to find out your spouse who is supposed to be your number 1 fan and supporter,just threw away stuff you cherished. She should throw him out to the trash where he belongs and find someone who appreciates her for who she is.
He knew the puzzles held enough value to her to use them to hurt her, but then tells her to "let it go" because it shouldn't matter that much.
She didn't leave him over a puzzle. She left him because he was and is and always will be human garbage.
It's not about the puzzle, it's about the disregard and disrespect. Glad she left, fck that guy.
Generally, if you leave your husband like this, your mother and friends will tell you to try and work it out unless the guy is a long term a*****e. I bet they were jumping up and down with joy that she finally left him.
But she just said in her post that the people around her told her not to jump and ghink about divorcing the husband so quickly. That was bad advice on their part. Especially all those digusting comments he told her.
Load More Replies... You can label anything as "just a X". It's irrelevant what that object is, what matters is what that thing is to someone else. Anyone that tells you that something you think is important isn't, is an a*****e.
Boy does he sound insensitive and tone deaf... This isn't only about a puzzle, that is just the symptom, not the root of the problem. If that was the case, time might heal that wound. The real problems is that he either doesn't understand how she works at all, alternatively he just don't care about how he is hurting her with his choice of wording/message. If it is the first option that is the case, it might be fixable, if they figure out how to communicate properly, which will most likely require a therapist, as they have clearly demonstrated that they cannot figure this out on their own. If it is the second option, that he delibrately wanted to hurt her by destroying something that is of value to her, she is right in packing her stuff and running away.
His wife has never complained about his out-going nature and love for hiking, while day and night, he tells her to quit doing what she loves. He doesn't deserve her if he can't even respect her hobbies. And it makes no sense to throw away hours of work over a couple puzzle pieces scattered on a table that they probably hardly use. This husband really is misogynistic!
This: "First he claims her value is tarnished when she dated other men while they were single "having a break". But it was "different" for him to see other women...because he is a man." That's right on the money. Husband is the king of double standards. He has hobbie, he automatically assumes his hobbies are better than hers. He threw away a treasured gift she received from her bff. He said it belonged in the trash. That's just cruel and disrespectful. That's not love. He just wants a "pretty face" on his arm. She's better off without him, because that kind of behavior only gets worse.
Despite what OP said, this behaviour IS abusive! Abuse doesn't have to be beatings or shouts. This is emotional abuse ! Dump that pos yesterday!
The red flags here are insane. He has no respect for her, she's simply a pretty accessory, a piece of arm candy. I strongly suspect that once she is away from Him and finds new circles of people, as in away from his ex girlfriends too, she will start to see things differently as in way more red flags. There's no problem in being friends with exs but here, it sounds odd. Her stating that she cheated when she most categorically, did Not. They were on a break. That's not cheating, it's agreed and would be quite normal. He has worn this poor lass down with so much, I sincerely hope that once she has recovered properly from this nasty POS that she finds someone wonderful who fully supports her. His actions have been deliberate and calculated throughout. I hope she finds someone Fantastic ❤️
The real problem here is that people like this stuff. They seek it out, and gobble it up, and luxuriate in the second-hand feelings of victimization.
I'm not surprised it took one seemingly small act to cause her reaction because there was a lot more going on. She says he's not abusive but from what she has said it's been 6 years of snide comments, blaming her for sleeping with someone while on a break while he did it too, valuing her only for her face... all these do add up to low level abuse that is corrosive long term. Ok we are only hearing one side of the story but as her mother didn't try and talk her into going back suggests others could see things going wrong in the marriage for a long time. Glad she's out and I hope she can find something or someone that make her happier
Waste of a pretty face and ruining her worth? Eww. He's a pig. They're not compatible and he's a controlling jerk who only wants to show off his "trophy". Good riddance.
Makes you wonder what would happen if she 'lost' her pretty face to age or illness etc. I'm guessing he'd be out that door like greased lightning.
Load More Replies... I was going to say NTA, until she admitted that the puzzle she was working on was of her and the "friend" she cheated on her husband with. There is obviously a lot more to this story, but based on that information being withheld until it was easy to miss make YTA. I don't trust a word coming out of your mouth now.
Although 'being on a break' is not a condition I am familiar with, you're either together or you're not, is it cheating if they're not together? He slept with several women during the same 'break'. He told her all about it.
Load More Replies... As everything else has been said in the comments, I just only react to the 200+ puzzle... Yes, it's a typo clearly (should be 2000) but ofcourse my mind pictures a 200 pieces puzzle which can be solved by the average adult person, and her not being able to complete it in one night. That painted a picture of her for a second that is not positive.
It wasn't just the special puzzle he threw away, he threw away the whole collection! If it was a custom puzzle maybe her friend could have it made again, but a lot of puzzle companies discontinue old designs. She likely won't be able to recover a good portion of her collection. Really high quality puzzles can easily cost $20-40 these days. She must have spent many years and a lot of money collecting puzzles, only to have him toss it all out overnight. I've also loved puzzles since a kid and this would crush me. How cruel and vindictive, has he even apologized? How is this a 35 year old man? That's a child's response. Also, the "pretty face" part does not make up for him calling her "a waste." There's resentment behind those words. I'm glad she's divorcing him. I hope everyone in her life telling her she is wrong takes a hard look at themselves and ask why they are defending a misogynistic man child who is clearly not a good partner for OP.
I sometimes wonder why people post on AITA, when they SO CLEARLY are not. I'm sometimes tempted to go there and post "My friend shot me in the face and I died. AITA?"
Some people arent as confident as you. Theres a reason people don't leave their abusers as often as they should. They are manipulated into thinking they deserve it. So obviously when they start to push back, they question if they are wrong. Especially when people they care about them tell them they are wrong.
Load More Replies... OP'S soon-to-be ex is beyond misogynistic, he's an abusive narcissist. He actually believes that his wife is something you own, like a piece of jewelry or a charm bracelet. Except that he doesn't treat his wife with even that much respect. He is nothing but a piece of trash that needs to be hauled away ASAP. I hope OP strips him down to his pubic hair in court.
You should stay married, you seem like a perfect couple, both petty and childish.
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