Tired Of Having To Host Husband’s Family All The Time, Woman Converts Guest Bedroom Into Her Office, Relationship Drama Ensues
Having a bit of privacy in your own home isn’t a sin. We all need some time alone, whether with our thoughts, our hobbies, or simply to lay in a hot bath. The last thing we want is to feel like we’re cramped or unwelcome in our very own homes. Some guests—whether family or friend—outstay their welcome and subtle hints don’t always work.
One redditor shared how her husband’s family members kept coming over on a regular basis once the lockdowns were over. She felt like she barely had any time (or room!) to herself and was stuck in a constant loop of cooking and cleaning up after her guests. Eventually, she had enough and took a big step to control the situation: she converted one of the bedrooms into her very own office/game room. That meant that not all of her in-laws would be able to stay over from now on and would have to get a room at a hotel. However, the woman’s husband thought that it was a jerk move to do.
Scroll down for the full story, in the OP’s own words, and also have a read about how the AITA community reacted to the family situation. What do you think about what happened, Pandas? What would you have done? Do you think the author of the post did anything wrong? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Bored Panda reached out to Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., for a few comments about setting healthy boundaries with our family members without hurting them, as well as why it’s all right to want some privacy. Professor Degges-White is a Licensed Counselor, as well as the Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.
The professor told us that it’s important to have clear boundaries in all aspects of our lives. “When we continually ‘give in’ to others’ requests, we set up the pattern and expectation that we are willing to sacrifice our own needs and resources for that person.”
It’s not a crime to want some peace and quiet in your own home. Unfortunately, that’s not always possible
Image credits: Vadim Sherbakov (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she tried to solve the issue of her in-laws constantly overstaying their welcome at her house
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
The OP added some more info about the situation in a couple of edits
Image credits: TAgamingroom443
The OP felt that she was very much within her right to have her very own office. She works from home. She needs a space for herself where it’s quiet. And she got the house from her parents, so it’s her property now. The vast majority of the AITA crowd thought that the woman did nothing wrong.
In a couple of edits to her story, the redditor explained just how many people are constantly staying over at her place. She also noted that her husband was very much aware of the fact that she was planning on converting one of the bedrooms into her own office. So the communication was clearly there. That didn’t stop the husband from getting mad at his wife for setting boundaries and wanting a bit of peace and quiet in her own home.
Professor Degges-White explained to Bored Panda what could be done when setting a new boundary with someone you’re close to. This works especially in those cases when you haven’t been successful in affirming boundaries previously. “It’s best to start out with a ‘disclaimer’ that it’s not ‘that person,’ but your own needs that are the reason that you’re setting up the boundary.”
According to the counselor, you could try telling them something along the lines of: “I really enjoy your company, and I’m glad you feel comfortable in our home; however, MY work demands are heavy and I really need some downtime to be able to be my best at work and with you.”
Something else you might say is: “My work demands are really growing and I’m finding that I need more time to balance my work and home life obligations. I will miss spending so much time with you, but I need to ask that the visiting decrease in time for a bit.”
The professor said that there’s never anything wrong with wanting to spend some time on your own, so long as you’re ‘showing up’ in relationships in ways that others appreciate, too.
“Each of us has very different needs when it comes to alone time, and it’s okay to need more than a partner. However, there may be compromises that need to be worked out so that one person doesn’t always co-opt the time of the other. Making space for solitary pursuits is important to emotional well-being. So, too, is social connection and spending time with those people whose company you enjoy,” Professor Degges-White explained to Bored Panda that there’s a balance between the two that needs to be found within the relationship.
“Family obligations, though, sometimes may mean having to spend time with people whose company you don’t particularly enjoy, but do have an obligation towards. Sometimes, you can cut short visits with family/others whose company you don’t prefer, but when it comes to spending time with your partner’s family, sometimes you have to acquiesce to their wishes as part of a larger relational balance,” she said.
“Striking a deal, such as spending time one weekend with family but having the prerogative to claim an equivalent amount of time for your solitary pursuits the following weekend.”
Previously, Bored Panda spoke about subtly and not-so-subtly asking guests to leave when they overstay their welcome with Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin, a world-famous pie artist who knows a lot about hosting dinner parties.
“There are any number of unforgivable dinner guest faux-pas, everything from a guest refusing to take off their stiletto heels on your new softwood floors, or bringing extra guests or kids to a dinner party when they were not invited (no, just no), to refusing to try anything served to them, or haranguing others about their diet choices,” she told us.
“But perhaps the most egregious is the guest who, perhaps after imbibing a few adult beverages too many, refuses to take the hint and hit the road after everyone else has left.”
Jessica shared with us that she’s a fan of the direct approach, like saying, “YAWN! Well, I’m beat. Great party! Can I call you a cab?’”
“Or if that is still too subtle, you can always end with the Seinfeld classic, ‘You must go now,'” she shared a couple of ways how to let your guests know that you’d prefer them to leave your little abode now.
“If you know you have guests coming over that are prone to this sort of annoying welcome-outstaying, you may want to lay the groundwork in advance by including a start and end time for the dinner party in your invitation (with a bit of humor),” the expert on hosting said that you could do something like this: “‘Appetizers and drinks at 7pm, dinner served at 8pm, dessert at 9pm, followed by ‘you all get the heck out of my house’ at 10pm.’” However, this only works if your guests have a good sense of humor.
The woman also shared some additional context in the comments of her viral post
Here’s how some members of the AITA community reacted to the OP’s story
I'd go batshit crazy without time to unwind. Having 8 people over is a lot. Doing this every other week sounds like a nightmare. This woman has no place or time to unwind. You can't go on like that forever
He lived with such a big (in other words chaotic) family for so long that he probably sees her down time as boring and his family time time as fun and relaxing. They may be polar opposites when it comes to what they do with their time off work.
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I would not be putting up with this no wonder OP is so distressed by all of this. At this point she is doing all the giving and hubby is doing all the taking, he can't even clean up after his family and leaves it for her to do, knowing that she doesn't want to live in a messy house. She needs to set some firm boundaries of how much she can tolerate when it comes to visiting in-laws, hopefully she will manage to persuade him to go to couples therapy so he can finally understand the effect it's having on her.
She just needs to set some boundaries and stand up for herself! People will treat us badly if we let them get away with it.
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Yeah f that. That’s way too many people over all the time. I’d put my foot down. If they are coming over that often then they should clean up after themselves at this point instead of expecting you to do it. And if not then your husband should do it. Im surprised you are somehow able to tolerate so many people so often.
Yeah, for real. Never mind the cleaning - why is she cooking for them?? That would send the message right quick that she has no time for their shenanigans. Not her monkeys, not her circus. Every in-law story I read makes me so grateful for my in-laws. FIL is rather socially awkward/nerdy but super pleasant and never overstays his welcome. MIL is super outgoing, positive, and high energy and would be somewhat exhausting to be around all the time, but she lives in another province and so spending a couple days with her a few times a year is totally cool with me.
Load More Replies... I'm probably being overly cynical, but when I got to the part about how many children they have, how cramped their house is, and the fact that they never clean up before they leave, I had a thought. It almost makes sense that the parents are using the op's house as a place where they think they're going to get a break from taking care of their own overly cramped home and multiple children. Why else would they be over every other week? I also wonder who pays for the groceries and who does the cooking while they are there? Don't think it's the husband and I'd be surprised if it was the in-laws. Op should run for the hills because even after the parents are gone, she will most likely never have peace with as many siblings he has. She should make sure she is protected and file for divorce - her husband sounds like a useless lump who will always be a useless sponge muffin.
I totally had the same thought. They are using her home as a free bed and breakfast.
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Oh, that's so relatable. My house is my personal space and I don't like when people stay there for too long. Coming over for a few hours - maybe, not every other day though, but staying overnight - only in exceptional cases. Just because they are family doesn't mean they should be in your face 24/7
6 underage people acting as underage people would + (exceptionally entitled) inlaws + a completely useless husband who 100% disregards his wife's needs even though she's the main provider (seeing how OP says that cleaning up after that herd is her job)? I'd be nopeing out of that SO fast!
If hubby wants them... He must cook & clean up after them!! They're his family, he's the one who should be their chef, maid, etc... Let him see what a big assed chore it is!!!!!
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whenever i'm invited for a stay that would require an overnight, i NEVER assume that i will be put up in the person's house. i'm visiting my brother and SIL next year and flat out told them i would be more comfortable in a hotel/motel so i could have my own space. they were so relieved!
Um… find and read law when people are considered tenants rather than guests. Don’t know where she lives, let’s assume US. Then some examples of who is tenant: Cali&Florida: staying 14+ days in six months or seven consecutive nights. Colorado ,Connecticut,Indiana,Maine,others: After occupying for two weeks within six months. Illinois: If the guest establishes residency without gaining permission from the property owner or landlord, i.e. receiving mail or putting the property address on their ID or license. Aaaand some other rules in different states…. FREAKING SCARY. and if she’d take payment as a “thank you”, that would put her in even worse position. 😳
Yep. As that story went on, I started to get the suspicion he's trying to move them in. She needs to keep her foot firmly planted down on this. His family sounds like a bunch of locusts.
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NTA. Seek the advice of a lawyer now. No one should feel ignored or disrespected in their own home.
My parents' house has three bedrooms, and before my sister and I moved into our apartments we each occupied one of them. When my dad's sister would visit from Arkansas she would sleep in the living room on the couch and there would be no fuss. It sounds like the husband wants to control the house since he knows it's not his and this sounds like his way of trying to assert some dominance. She needs to stop having a joint account with him and she needs to make absolutely sure that the deed to the house is in her name only. If he keeps up with this nonsense she can kick him and his family to the curb. Nobody needs to be married to someone who puts his parents and siblings before his wife.
Setting boundaries is needed especially early on in the marriage or relationship. You have a right to self care and positive mental health. Working from home is especially difficult when there are people over all the time. He should be more understanding that you aren't his parents or siblings maid. Them being able to intrude whenever and however they want would have eventually made you stressed and depressed!
OMG why aren't you making NICK do all of the cooking and cleaning for his hoard of relations? Break up with him. He's an entitled beast whose selfishness is supported by an army. You will never have peace or be respected in this relationship. Kick him out before he has lived there long enough to have a legal claim on your home!
My thoughts exactly. The family issue is secondary. He's the source of relationship issues that will continue to occur outside this incident. This man is not relationship material so either educate him in couples counseling, which requires patience, or leave him to be available for someone who knows better. I vote leave.
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I grew up in a family that was very private (rarely had people over) whereas my husband’s mom loves to entertain so he’s used to not even having to ask before having people over. I told him when we moved in together that if he wants people over he gets to clean before and after and get everything ready to host (food, drink, etc). Guess what? We rarely ever have people over xD
Oh hell no, let him sleep in the other spare room as long as he wants or tell him to get the hell out with his family. If he feels the need to have them around that much he should go live with them. Also its easy to put this off on his family and them being overbearing with their visits, but at the end of the day Nick is the villain. If his reaction was to be angry at her and not his family its because his family is only doing what I am sure he told them to do, I am sure he has known each time they were just going to "show up." I hope his name isnt on your house and you get your money from the account. Being pinned against each other when it comes to the others family is usually a losing battle, especially when the other person sees nothing wrong with their actions, you will always be the a**hole. Id be good with being a single a**hole before I am an a**hole cleaning up everyones s**t and being alienated in my own home.
Agree. Why did he not even help with the reno? When is he getting his school work done? This girl has been duped. Accept it. Get your money and home secured and move on.
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Your house? Your decisions. You aren't running a hotel. Then again, maybe you should threaten them with rent.
Unfortunately it looks like you have to kick your husband to the curb and his mooche family. This is not fair to you.
It's obvious he has zero respect for her boundaries or feelings. Also she makes more than him and relationships where the woman is making more than the man tend to rarely ever work well and the fact that she said their assets are together now is concerning. He also seems kind of whiny and entitled, especially considering the fact that the house is technically hers not theirs even though they're married so chances are if they were to get divorced he would try to bleed her dry. In addition roball that, why in the world is SHE cleaning up after HIS family when it's obvious there they only come to visit him. I would tell him to cook and clean up after his own family. I also just overall don't see this marriage lasting very long because he doesn't seem to listen to how she feels and also she kinda played herself by cooking and cleaning up after his family. She needs to go straight to his parents and just flat out say "I don't like you guys coming over so often".
Personally, I'm honest to god shocked this "family" actually visits that often in the first place. Every ither week, for MULTIPLE DAYS in a row? And they're sh*tty guests, too! Hell, I go stay with my parents for a weekend twice a YEAR and I clean up after myself, cook for myself, AND usually bring some if my own groceries and cook for them or take them out to eat, because that's what a good guest DOES. And they NEVER reciprocate!? They're not "family," they're users! I'd personally be talking to a lawyer about what I need to do to separate assets and keep MY home without having to give King Leech money for it! ESPECIALLY when he throws a tantrum over you NEEDING AN OFFICE to keep HIM fed!
If the in-laws place is so cramped they can't visit them, it makes me wonder if he is so pissy because they were hoping to move in permanently.
No matter how many bedrooms it is not your responsibility to play hostess and the neglect of your spouse and his family is horrible. I would be questioning the relationship and lack of boundaries and care for your needs these people have offered. Which is none. Therapy is a great way to start when you're going to end a relationship like this. He is taking advantage of you. He called you a name instead of listening or understanding your needs which also means he didn't even notice you moved into a new room? He's selfish and doesn't care.
I couldn't even handle that once a year during the holidays, you're an absolute saint to tolerate this. And why do they make you do everything? They're family, they should behave as such, which means helping with the chores, etc. Do they even pitch in money for groceries? But what I'm really wondering about is why do they want to escape their own home and invade yours? Is it because you're they're servant? I'd be honestly rethinking my slavery, um, marriage if I were in this position.
You need to end this relationship, red flags are waving all over the place!!
I have a zero tolerance and has saved me much time. Reading this I would have told him to go on home with his momma. I am with others also get your money out of any type of joint, you can save he can save then joint account when ready to put the down payment and do the dp his and yours!!! If you don't pack him up of course
First, that office sounds amazing and I would love to do that in our house. Second, they could help straighten up before leaving. There is nothing wrong with asking guests (or better yet, guests volunteering) to help put stuff away, take out trash, make dinner, or load the dishwasher. My brothers do this whenever they come over with their family and I don't see why 6 teens can't help take care of things. Lastly, even a 4 bedroom house seems small for 10 people.
Being an introvert I can't even understand why would anyone visit on weekends. Weekends are for me to relax. My home is my temple. I may or may not invite someone for dinner once a month or two. No way would I accept my family, even loved, come all the time. Nope. Get out, take the husband with you.
Not only no, oh HELL no. Eight guests every other weekend? You're not a maid, cook or housekeeper to be at his relatives' beck and call, but husband apparently thinks you should be. And you're the a******? File those papers, you can do better.
I'm in a similar position. My husband and I live in a 1 BR in New York and his cousin and nephew just moved in with us from Peru. They were very poor and in a desperate situation so when they had the opportunity to come we had no choice but to let them sleep in our living room. I work from home and conduct virtual interviews and focus groups which have to be private so they have to stay in the room most of the day. Problem is they can't find an apartment and it's been 3 months. I feel bad for them and they're nice and cook and help clean, but I need space to work. I miss being alone with my husband and I miss sitting on my couch and watching TV and having friends over and stuff. I have even considered moving back in with my dad but I would miss my husband too much. Idk what to do?
Can U & hubby go to parents? Is there another 1bdrm where u live, do they work, how are they to afford apt?
Load More Replies... You are NOT the a…hole, your selfish husband is!! Make HIM clean up after his family and maybe then he will see what you have to go through. There’s no reason you should have to do all that cleanup!! When I was married, I made my husband do half the housework - no negotiation, he had to! He got used to it and became a much cleaner man as a result. Also, you are entitled to your privacy and it’s YOUR house — not his. You set the rules. He needs to f…ing grow up! He’s a selfish child!
Nope, no, negatory...Seems this is more about common courtesy than it is about different family dynamics. Near constant intrusion & hosting while working from home would drive Jesus bats. I couldn't deal. OP's hubs has little or no regard for her & sounds like a petulant inconsiderate twat. 'Bout now I'd be talking w/ a divorce atty. OP could do much better IMO
Nta at all. It's rude and presumptuous to just assume that someone will want to cook for and clean up after a large group of people family or not. It doesn't matter if the person is in their own home or someone else's. Ask First before imposing. That's the sort of thing that would make me snap. Everyone also needs quiet and relaxation. Again NTA in the least.
My house; my property, my rules! If you don't like it, find a motel that suits you!
My husband and I deliberately don't have a "guest room." We have a convertible sofa in our TV room/den. It's adequate to accommodate a couple of guests for a few days, but not comfortable enough that they'll want to stay much longer than that. We're both strong believers that if people are planning to come for a long visit, they need to get a hotel room, rent a car, and not depend on us to entertain them the entire time.
Why does your husband enthusiastically welcome a troop movement into your space anytime his family feels like coming over? Why does he place you so low on his priorities list and gaslights you over your home office, like he was unaware of your plans? Just so he could call you an AH and sleep in a separate bedroom? Nothing like walking on eggshells in a house you yourself own. Think about whether he’s worth spending the rest of your life with and keep your financial assets separate from his.
Start making kraft mac and chesse...then tell hubby to do dishes and LEAVE THEM ...THAT SHOULD DO IT
Simple solution Give them a 4 person, 3 days visit 2 times per year….and 1 person from your side, NICK, is responsible for ALL COOKING CLEANING SHOPPING AND EXPENSES!!! Then we’ll see how much he loves his family Finally. Keep ALL assets separate
They are mooches. Why doesn't any of his family work? Teenagers can fend for themselves. This is not why your family gifted you the house. Start legally separating your assets now. This guy is not a partner. Bet if you check on those shared savings that's prob paying for their travel costs. When you know-say nothing. Get your money in order and get rid of him. He sounds selfish.
While more communication on the office may have been better OP is not in the wrong, too many people too frequently and rather then refusing to have people over turning one of the bedrooms into a quiet workspace is a wonderful compromise. He also definitely knew and just decided not to say anything and is just doing some guilt tripping. Not a reason to divorce or anything but a reason to put your foot down and call him out and ask him why he didn't say anything earlier, show that this behavior is not cool and unhelpful.
I think OP clarified some things on that with a reply to a couple of comments. She said that he has 10 siblings. She meant that a couple of them were over the age of 18 while the rest were under the age of 18. Don't worry, I understand to confusion. I had reread it for clarification.
Load More Replies... Is it just me or am I the only one who hates these am I the a*****e stories, it’s just a bunch of copy and paste.
First, really, how many people would have fit in that 1 extra bedroom? Secondly, the invading relatives are not coming with babies or toddlers. Make those teenagers do some cooking and cleaning! If they can't or won't, then Mom & Dad need to help. If they're complaining, let them know you make more (considerably) than hubby. You're the one (I assume) that's supplying all the food and goodies they get when they visit. There's no reason they should think he's the breadwinner, especially if he's furthering his education. I'm sure it's been a nice few years for them, but with the way things are (after lockdown w/inflation) you need to make sure you have a place to work and relax!
The husbands a douche and the in-laws need to learn their place. Also why do people see the need to have a dozen freaking kids.Its not the 1800's anymore, 9 out of 10 kids no longer die at a young age. No more having litters, I'm tired of being stuck in rush hour cause some broad couldn't keep her legs shut for more than 10 minutes
I wonder if they belong to one of those "quiver full" religious cults?
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In-laws can be a bu**er. My DH's family referred to our house as 'Pete's Place' even to me!! I found it intolerable, especially with them treating our place as theirs. Apparenly I was 'the staff" We moved closer to them ( not purposely, it was a work thingy) so I was relieved one at least of them staying over whenever they felt like it. I also have one niece who treats other people places as a hotel :-( Including her cousins :-( My daughter's partner left her in no doubt that she was overstaying her welcome. And I KNOW she would never have the hide to try to stay with me again.
This is one and among the top leading cause of divorce among interracial marriages.
I was raised to not just help clean up, when someone hosts me for dinner or a visit, but to help cook as well. To help my host in any way s/he needs it. Not to go over and be a slave-nor would I be a slave in my own home-but just to clean up after myself, and pitch in on the whole, if necessary. I was taught that that's how you show your host gratitude, for the time and effort they put into having you over. They did for you, so you do for them, in return. I couldn't imagine going to my MIL's place, and letting her do everything for me, as if she were my servant! And that aside, this man is obviously WAY too attached to his Mommy and Daddy and the rest. When you marry, or live with a partner, THAT person becomes your immediate family. And THEY should come first. It's HER/THEIR house. Not the in-laws. If he wants to be around his family that often, that badly, maybe he should just go on ahead and move back in with them. I bet they'd like that, too.
Just imagine what they're saying to him about her, when she's not around! And since he's siding with them, you know he believes every word. They'll have him completely turned against her, before it's over with. In all honesty, she's probably better off without him, sadly. As an aside, WHY are there so many of these pathetic man-babies features in these AITA posts?? WHY are there so many in general?? God dàmn, parents! Cut the apron strings and let your kids grow up and be their own people, for Christ's sake!
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19 kids? Don't they know condoms? 🙄No wonder they use the asker as a free hotel. First of all I'd leave one of this weeks and let husband to do all the work related with the visit inc.cleaning. And if I find one problem after return I make it a BIG problem so it could be opened a solved once for good 🤷🏻♀️
Getting divorced and paying child support for that many f-trophies. He'd get his paycheck for like 50 cents after the long c**k of the government was finished with it
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I realize you said that you're not hurting financially, but your parents worked hard to buy the house you now enjoy. It is not the in-laws to take advantage of. Do they buy groceries when they visit? Or expect you to provide all of that as well. Personally, what I would do is look up the rules for people when they rent a BandB. Print them out, laminate them and pin them to the inside of the doors. I would include that guests are expected to clean up after themselves on the rules. When ever I've rented a BandB there have always been reminds in different rooms. Kitchen- please clean up after yourself. Bathroom- please hang up towels to dry. Think green, reduce, reuse. Then, I would probably buy 4 sets of bunkbeds (unless you already have them). This way each room can sleep 4 people. If the parents want privacy they can go home, or stay home. Heck, I would even make sure there was only enough dishes for one meal. I also would have used the largest room for my workstation.
This woman seems to be pretty observant and also one who doesn’t want to rock the boat. However, her husband’s family are totally taking advantage of her. Having a troop of freeloaders invade your house is not at all fair. The husband is a lazy POS to let this behavior continue. She needs to sit him down, tell him to be quiet and Listen: “Having YOUR family invade our home constantly is not what I married you for. Either this c**p stops or we are done. PERIOD!” If he doesn’t get it or won’t see her reasoning, then pack his bags and put his stuff on the front lawn and tell him to go back home to his family where he obviously wants to be. He’s a lazy no count loser and a user.
In agreement....I do not understand why folks get married and do not want to leave home.... if you are financially strapped you have no business there ... but in-law invasion constantly.... no
They are too comfortable in your house. That's why they want to come over so often. With that frequency, they should have the decency to clean up after themselves and not leave everythingto you. Hour husband should help out with catering to his family! Seems they are just taking advantage of a paid airbnb plus complimentary service. Set boundaries, have couple's counselling and speak your mind.
Its your House , What you do with it , is up to you , No you are not an a hole , Your husband needs to understand And If he doesn't then Go to couples counseling Or divorce .. So he can live back with his parents and you can move on to better things .. And find someone who understands your feelings .. Remember there's plenty of fish in the sea And yeah if you told him about converting one of the bedrooms to an office and Your in laws starting coming over more , Its cause he knows your the bread winner and is jealous.. And taking advantage of you .. Girl , your better then having a man do that to you .. You can stand alone ..
Even if you do the cooking for 10 (pot of spaghetti) they could clean up. As family they could do their share. Every other week is way too often for eight people to visit. And why? Do they live in a camper van or just like having someone else cook? If you divorce does he get half your assets? Is that what Mr Big Provider is all about? You may have shot yourself in the foot by marrying him.
IN-Lws can cause unnecessary problems that should not be tolerated by anyone. Inlaws should not be so childish but respectful of other people houses. They should just stay away from making the best about them. In Las can be be very selfish n childish
Nta. Your house to do with as you please. You have been way more tolerant to put up with this nonsense then I would ever be. Now your husband & his family have 3 choices. Keep coming but stay in a hotel or don't come and hubby can go visit them. 3rd he can leave and just not come back which ends the problem permanently. Not to his entitled satisfaction but at least you will have ur space/home back. Btw, did he even discuss the visits w/you since it's Your House?
These relatives of your husband, are you entirely responsible for spending your money on feeding them and are they helping with cleanup? Sounds like freeloaders to me. I would make them all get hotel rooms and not let any of them stay. That is plain wrong to take advantage of you and your home.
NTA, first because she inherited the house, not him, second she works from home, that would be impossible with that many people running around so much of the time. Seriously, they can host at least half. I bet they won't because they would have extra work.
My mom's family did her like this. They came in car caravan style. Her mom mentioned that they were going to visit us and an uncle passed the news. Some of the kids had to sleep in the cars. The men walked around the town with dad all night and the women stood with mom talking. This was just stupid to go visit and not know where your kids were going to sleep. They knew everybody was poor, but guess they forgot that weekend. They ate up the groceries mom had gotten for the week, left and did not come back. Grandma apologized to my mom and said never again. Oh mom's uncle came back with his girlfriend and mom. The girlfriend stayed in the bed all day reading magazines. Dad told mom, your people, handle it. The next time, mom fed them beans with no meat or seasoning and hard cornbread. 😂 Last visit. To this day, mom says, you can't tell my folks, you have to show them. This wife told her husband and then she showed them.
An old supervisor from St Croix once told me: people are like cats, you feed them and they get hungry. I had to figure that out, but I think this applies in this situation. To be blunt, that whole family is using her as a maid and cook on the cheap, cheap. Hubby wants that bigger house because then his entire can stay over even more as she cleans and cooks. You can bet they are talking bad about her with no defense from her mate, so now it's going to be uncomfortable no matter what. Husband is acting like a spoiled child and I am quick to cut ties. He could stay in that spare room. He is getting the better deal anyway: no mortgage and that new home was going to happen because her home was going to be sold to She should sit down with her husband in counseling. Call him out for also for not helping. Prepare for the demise of her marriage, split the savings evenly and let Nick move on. I don't see this working out to where she won't continue to be used by this family.
Wait what? HIS family comes and messes the house up and SHE has to clean up after them? Where is her man? Playing video games I guess and relaxing. NTA, that would be your husband.
Maybe consider a calendar that one group can visit once a a month. Set staying time. Set chores as you aren't a hotel and hubby cleans as well. And have your parents come by for a stay as well and let him take care of everything while you enjoy your time. If he can't tell his family they are being intrusive and entitled to YOUR home and work space then tell nick to consider splitting the bank accounts and to gtfo and let you live your life in peace. Cuz he ain't adding to it at all.
OP when you made your decision to convert that room you should have told your partner first. Not asked, but told and explained. Apparently you had mentioned it a few times but I don't think he realized exactly what you meant. You should have confronted him, said you're tired of him booking your whole house every weekend, and said it's time for this room to become a personal room for me. Instead you took the passive aggressive route to avoid a conflict, and you ended up blindsiding him. That said, Nick sounds like a complete idiot. Still, this was the opportunity to sit him down and tell him enough of enough.
He saw her converting the room. She didn't do it behind closed doors.
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It's pretty explicitly SIX siblings who are UNDER the AGE of eighteen, along with a few more who are over 18 and moved out.
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...your reading comprehension needs work: in her edits, she says that she DID tell him the reno was happening, and she DID tell him his family was visiting too often. Unfortunately, in MY experience, a whole LOT of marriages are exactly the above, with some variation on finances and that's IT.
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She said she didn't want it. If my dad said he didn't want it, my mom told em: sorry, but he doesn't want it. Once in a while was okay, but not too much. My aunt wanted to stay for weeks. That was a nope from him and thus a nope from my mom. She could come over for 2 days, since she lived on another continent. If you want family over all the time, find someone who likes that and that he doesn't cook and clean up is crazy. They're his visitors.
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Put them to work? So she has to play the boss and give them tasks as if they were her kids? No the only thing that works is just leave the mess the mess until one of them gets irritated, if talking doesn't work and they walk all over her boundaries.
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I'd go batshit crazy without time to unwind. Having 8 people over is a lot. Doing this every other week sounds like a nightmare. This woman has no place or time to unwind. You can't go on like that forever
He lived with such a big (in other words chaotic) family for so long that he probably sees her down time as boring and his family time time as fun and relaxing. They may be polar opposites when it comes to what they do with their time off work.
Load More Replies... I would not be putting up with this no wonder OP is so distressed by all of this. At this point she is doing all the giving and hubby is doing all the taking, he can't even clean up after his family and leaves it for her to do, knowing that she doesn't want to live in a messy house. She needs to set some firm boundaries of how much she can tolerate when it comes to visiting in-laws, hopefully she will manage to persuade him to go to couples therapy so he can finally understand the effect it's having on her.
She just needs to set some boundaries and stand up for herself! People will treat us badly if we let them get away with it.
Load More Replies... Yeah f that. That’s way too many people over all the time. I’d put my foot down. If they are coming over that often then they should clean up after themselves at this point instead of expecting you to do it. And if not then your husband should do it. Im surprised you are somehow able to tolerate so many people so often.
Yeah, for real. Never mind the cleaning - why is she cooking for them?? That would send the message right quick that she has no time for their shenanigans. Not her monkeys, not her circus. Every in-law story I read makes me so grateful for my in-laws. FIL is rather socially awkward/nerdy but super pleasant and never overstays his welcome. MIL is super outgoing, positive, and high energy and would be somewhat exhausting to be around all the time, but she lives in another province and so spending a couple days with her a few times a year is totally cool with me.
Load More Replies... I'm probably being overly cynical, but when I got to the part about how many children they have, how cramped their house is, and the fact that they never clean up before they leave, I had a thought. It almost makes sense that the parents are using the op's house as a place where they think they're going to get a break from taking care of their own overly cramped home and multiple children. Why else would they be over every other week? I also wonder who pays for the groceries and who does the cooking while they are there? Don't think it's the husband and I'd be surprised if it was the in-laws. Op should run for the hills because even after the parents are gone, she will most likely never have peace with as many siblings he has. She should make sure she is protected and file for divorce - her husband sounds like a useless lump who will always be a useless sponge muffin.
I totally had the same thought. They are using her home as a free bed and breakfast.
Load More Replies... Oh, that's so relatable. My house is my personal space and I don't like when people stay there for too long. Coming over for a few hours - maybe, not every other day though, but staying overnight - only in exceptional cases. Just because they are family doesn't mean they should be in your face 24/7
6 underage people acting as underage people would + (exceptionally entitled) inlaws + a completely useless husband who 100% disregards his wife's needs even though she's the main provider (seeing how OP says that cleaning up after that herd is her job)? I'd be nopeing out of that SO fast!
If hubby wants them... He must cook & clean up after them!! They're his family, he's the one who should be their chef, maid, etc... Let him see what a big assed chore it is!!!!!
Load More Replies... whenever i'm invited for a stay that would require an overnight, i NEVER assume that i will be put up in the person's house. i'm visiting my brother and SIL next year and flat out told them i would be more comfortable in a hotel/motel so i could have my own space. they were so relieved!
Um… find and read law when people are considered tenants rather than guests. Don’t know where she lives, let’s assume US. Then some examples of who is tenant: Cali&Florida: staying 14+ days in six months or seven consecutive nights. Colorado ,Connecticut,Indiana,Maine,others: After occupying for two weeks within six months. Illinois: If the guest establishes residency without gaining permission from the property owner or landlord, i.e. receiving mail or putting the property address on their ID or license. Aaaand some other rules in different states…. FREAKING SCARY. and if she’d take payment as a “thank you”, that would put her in even worse position. 😳
Yep. As that story went on, I started to get the suspicion he's trying to move them in. She needs to keep her foot firmly planted down on this. His family sounds like a bunch of locusts.
Load More Replies... NTA. Seek the advice of a lawyer now. No one should feel ignored or disrespected in their own home.
My parents' house has three bedrooms, and before my sister and I moved into our apartments we each occupied one of them. When my dad's sister would visit from Arkansas she would sleep in the living room on the couch and there would be no fuss. It sounds like the husband wants to control the house since he knows it's not his and this sounds like his way of trying to assert some dominance. She needs to stop having a joint account with him and she needs to make absolutely sure that the deed to the house is in her name only. If he keeps up with this nonsense she can kick him and his family to the curb. Nobody needs to be married to someone who puts his parents and siblings before his wife.
Setting boundaries is needed especially early on in the marriage or relationship. You have a right to self care and positive mental health. Working from home is especially difficult when there are people over all the time. He should be more understanding that you aren't his parents or siblings maid. Them being able to intrude whenever and however they want would have eventually made you stressed and depressed!
OMG why aren't you making NICK do all of the cooking and cleaning for his hoard of relations? Break up with him. He's an entitled beast whose selfishness is supported by an army. You will never have peace or be respected in this relationship. Kick him out before he has lived there long enough to have a legal claim on your home!
My thoughts exactly. The family issue is secondary. He's the source of relationship issues that will continue to occur outside this incident. This man is not relationship material so either educate him in couples counseling, which requires patience, or leave him to be available for someone who knows better. I vote leave.
Load More Replies... I grew up in a family that was very private (rarely had people over) whereas my husband’s mom loves to entertain so he’s used to not even having to ask before having people over. I told him when we moved in together that if he wants people over he gets to clean before and after and get everything ready to host (food, drink, etc). Guess what? We rarely ever have people over xD
Oh hell no, let him sleep in the other spare room as long as he wants or tell him to get the hell out with his family. If he feels the need to have them around that much he should go live with them. Also its easy to put this off on his family and them being overbearing with their visits, but at the end of the day Nick is the villain. If his reaction was to be angry at her and not his family its because his family is only doing what I am sure he told them to do, I am sure he has known each time they were just going to "show up." I hope his name isnt on your house and you get your money from the account. Being pinned against each other when it comes to the others family is usually a losing battle, especially when the other person sees nothing wrong with their actions, you will always be the a**hole. Id be good with being a single a**hole before I am an a**hole cleaning up everyones s**t and being alienated in my own home.
Agree. Why did he not even help with the reno? When is he getting his school work done? This girl has been duped. Accept it. Get your money and home secured and move on.
Load More Replies... Your house? Your decisions. You aren't running a hotel. Then again, maybe you should threaten them with rent.
Unfortunately it looks like you have to kick your husband to the curb and his mooche family. This is not fair to you.
It's obvious he has zero respect for her boundaries or feelings. Also she makes more than him and relationships where the woman is making more than the man tend to rarely ever work well and the fact that she said their assets are together now is concerning. He also seems kind of whiny and entitled, especially considering the fact that the house is technically hers not theirs even though they're married so chances are if they were to get divorced he would try to bleed her dry. In addition roball that, why in the world is SHE cleaning up after HIS family when it's obvious there they only come to visit him. I would tell him to cook and clean up after his own family. I also just overall don't see this marriage lasting very long because he doesn't seem to listen to how she feels and also she kinda played herself by cooking and cleaning up after his family. She needs to go straight to his parents and just flat out say "I don't like you guys coming over so often".
Personally, I'm honest to god shocked this "family" actually visits that often in the first place. Every ither week, for MULTIPLE DAYS in a row? And they're sh*tty guests, too! Hell, I go stay with my parents for a weekend twice a YEAR and I clean up after myself, cook for myself, AND usually bring some if my own groceries and cook for them or take them out to eat, because that's what a good guest DOES. And they NEVER reciprocate!? They're not "family," they're users! I'd personally be talking to a lawyer about what I need to do to separate assets and keep MY home without having to give King Leech money for it! ESPECIALLY when he throws a tantrum over you NEEDING AN OFFICE to keep HIM fed!
If the in-laws place is so cramped they can't visit them, it makes me wonder if he is so pissy because they were hoping to move in permanently.
No matter how many bedrooms it is not your responsibility to play hostess and the neglect of your spouse and his family is horrible. I would be questioning the relationship and lack of boundaries and care for your needs these people have offered. Which is none. Therapy is a great way to start when you're going to end a relationship like this. He is taking advantage of you. He called you a name instead of listening or understanding your needs which also means he didn't even notice you moved into a new room? He's selfish and doesn't care.
I couldn't even handle that once a year during the holidays, you're an absolute saint to tolerate this. And why do they make you do everything? They're family, they should behave as such, which means helping with the chores, etc. Do they even pitch in money for groceries? But what I'm really wondering about is why do they want to escape their own home and invade yours? Is it because you're they're servant? I'd be honestly rethinking my slavery, um, marriage if I were in this position.
You need to end this relationship, red flags are waving all over the place!!
I have a zero tolerance and has saved me much time. Reading this I would have told him to go on home with his momma. I am with others also get your money out of any type of joint, you can save he can save then joint account when ready to put the down payment and do the dp his and yours!!! If you don't pack him up of course
First, that office sounds amazing and I would love to do that in our house. Second, they could help straighten up before leaving. There is nothing wrong with asking guests (or better yet, guests volunteering) to help put stuff away, take out trash, make dinner, or load the dishwasher. My brothers do this whenever they come over with their family and I don't see why 6 teens can't help take care of things. Lastly, even a 4 bedroom house seems small for 10 people.
Being an introvert I can't even understand why would anyone visit on weekends. Weekends are for me to relax. My home is my temple. I may or may not invite someone for dinner once a month or two. No way would I accept my family, even loved, come all the time. Nope. Get out, take the husband with you.
Not only no, oh HELL no. Eight guests every other weekend? You're not a maid, cook or housekeeper to be at his relatives' beck and call, but husband apparently thinks you should be. And you're the a******? File those papers, you can do better.
I'm in a similar position. My husband and I live in a 1 BR in New York and his cousin and nephew just moved in with us from Peru. They were very poor and in a desperate situation so when they had the opportunity to come we had no choice but to let them sleep in our living room. I work from home and conduct virtual interviews and focus groups which have to be private so they have to stay in the room most of the day. Problem is they can't find an apartment and it's been 3 months. I feel bad for them and they're nice and cook and help clean, but I need space to work. I miss being alone with my husband and I miss sitting on my couch and watching TV and having friends over and stuff. I have even considered moving back in with my dad but I would miss my husband too much. Idk what to do?
Can U & hubby go to parents? Is there another 1bdrm where u live, do they work, how are they to afford apt?
Load More Replies... You are NOT the a…hole, your selfish husband is!! Make HIM clean up after his family and maybe then he will see what you have to go through. There’s no reason you should have to do all that cleanup!! When I was married, I made my husband do half the housework - no negotiation, he had to! He got used to it and became a much cleaner man as a result. Also, you are entitled to your privacy and it’s YOUR house — not his. You set the rules. He needs to f…ing grow up! He’s a selfish child!
Nope, no, negatory...Seems this is more about common courtesy than it is about different family dynamics. Near constant intrusion & hosting while working from home would drive Jesus bats. I couldn't deal. OP's hubs has little or no regard for her & sounds like a petulant inconsiderate twat. 'Bout now I'd be talking w/ a divorce atty. OP could do much better IMO
Nta at all. It's rude and presumptuous to just assume that someone will want to cook for and clean up after a large group of people family or not. It doesn't matter if the person is in their own home or someone else's. Ask First before imposing. That's the sort of thing that would make me snap. Everyone also needs quiet and relaxation. Again NTA in the least.
My house; my property, my rules! If you don't like it, find a motel that suits you!
My husband and I deliberately don't have a "guest room." We have a convertible sofa in our TV room/den. It's adequate to accommodate a couple of guests for a few days, but not comfortable enough that they'll want to stay much longer than that. We're both strong believers that if people are planning to come for a long visit, they need to get a hotel room, rent a car, and not depend on us to entertain them the entire time.
Why does your husband enthusiastically welcome a troop movement into your space anytime his family feels like coming over? Why does he place you so low on his priorities list and gaslights you over your home office, like he was unaware of your plans? Just so he could call you an AH and sleep in a separate bedroom? Nothing like walking on eggshells in a house you yourself own. Think about whether he’s worth spending the rest of your life with and keep your financial assets separate from his.
Start making kraft mac and chesse...then tell hubby to do dishes and LEAVE THEM ...THAT SHOULD DO IT
Simple solution Give them a 4 person, 3 days visit 2 times per year….and 1 person from your side, NICK, is responsible for ALL COOKING CLEANING SHOPPING AND EXPENSES!!! Then we’ll see how much he loves his family Finally. Keep ALL assets separate
They are mooches. Why doesn't any of his family work? Teenagers can fend for themselves. This is not why your family gifted you the house. Start legally separating your assets now. This guy is not a partner. Bet if you check on those shared savings that's prob paying for their travel costs. When you know-say nothing. Get your money in order and get rid of him. He sounds selfish.
While more communication on the office may have been better OP is not in the wrong, too many people too frequently and rather then refusing to have people over turning one of the bedrooms into a quiet workspace is a wonderful compromise. He also definitely knew and just decided not to say anything and is just doing some guilt tripping. Not a reason to divorce or anything but a reason to put your foot down and call him out and ask him why he didn't say anything earlier, show that this behavior is not cool and unhelpful.
I think OP clarified some things on that with a reply to a couple of comments. She said that he has 10 siblings. She meant that a couple of them were over the age of 18 while the rest were under the age of 18. Don't worry, I understand to confusion. I had reread it for clarification.
Load More Replies... Is it just me or am I the only one who hates these am I the a*****e stories, it’s just a bunch of copy and paste.
First, really, how many people would have fit in that 1 extra bedroom? Secondly, the invading relatives are not coming with babies or toddlers. Make those teenagers do some cooking and cleaning! If they can't or won't, then Mom & Dad need to help. If they're complaining, let them know you make more (considerably) than hubby. You're the one (I assume) that's supplying all the food and goodies they get when they visit. There's no reason they should think he's the breadwinner, especially if he's furthering his education. I'm sure it's been a nice few years for them, but with the way things are (after lockdown w/inflation) you need to make sure you have a place to work and relax!
The husbands a douche and the in-laws need to learn their place. Also why do people see the need to have a dozen freaking kids.Its not the 1800's anymore, 9 out of 10 kids no longer die at a young age. No more having litters, I'm tired of being stuck in rush hour cause some broad couldn't keep her legs shut for more than 10 minutes
I wonder if they belong to one of those "quiver full" religious cults?
Load More Replies... In-laws can be a bu**er. My DH's family referred to our house as 'Pete's Place' even to me!! I found it intolerable, especially with them treating our place as theirs. Apparenly I was 'the staff" We moved closer to them ( not purposely, it was a work thingy) so I was relieved one at least of them staying over whenever they felt like it. I also have one niece who treats other people places as a hotel :-( Including her cousins :-( My daughter's partner left her in no doubt that she was overstaying her welcome. And I KNOW she would never have the hide to try to stay with me again.
This is one and among the top leading cause of divorce among interracial marriages.
I was raised to not just help clean up, when someone hosts me for dinner or a visit, but to help cook as well. To help my host in any way s/he needs it. Not to go over and be a slave-nor would I be a slave in my own home-but just to clean up after myself, and pitch in on the whole, if necessary. I was taught that that's how you show your host gratitude, for the time and effort they put into having you over. They did for you, so you do for them, in return. I couldn't imagine going to my MIL's place, and letting her do everything for me, as if she were my servant! And that aside, this man is obviously WAY too attached to his Mommy and Daddy and the rest. When you marry, or live with a partner, THAT person becomes your immediate family. And THEY should come first. It's HER/THEIR house. Not the in-laws. If he wants to be around his family that often, that badly, maybe he should just go on ahead and move back in with them. I bet they'd like that, too.
Just imagine what they're saying to him about her, when she's not around! And since he's siding with them, you know he believes every word. They'll have him completely turned against her, before it's over with. In all honesty, she's probably better off without him, sadly. As an aside, WHY are there so many of these pathetic man-babies features in these AITA posts?? WHY are there so many in general?? God dàmn, parents! Cut the apron strings and let your kids grow up and be their own people, for Christ's sake!
Load More Replies... 19 kids? Don't they know condoms? 🙄No wonder they use the asker as a free hotel. First of all I'd leave one of this weeks and let husband to do all the work related with the visit inc.cleaning. And if I find one problem after return I make it a BIG problem so it could be opened a solved once for good 🤷🏻♀️
Getting divorced and paying child support for that many f-trophies. He'd get his paycheck for like 50 cents after the long c**k of the government was finished with it
Load More Replies... I realize you said that you're not hurting financially, but your parents worked hard to buy the house you now enjoy. It is not the in-laws to take advantage of. Do they buy groceries when they visit? Or expect you to provide all of that as well. Personally, what I would do is look up the rules for people when they rent a BandB. Print them out, laminate them and pin them to the inside of the doors. I would include that guests are expected to clean up after themselves on the rules. When ever I've rented a BandB there have always been reminds in different rooms. Kitchen- please clean up after yourself. Bathroom- please hang up towels to dry. Think green, reduce, reuse. Then, I would probably buy 4 sets of bunkbeds (unless you already have them). This way each room can sleep 4 people. If the parents want privacy they can go home, or stay home. Heck, I would even make sure there was only enough dishes for one meal. I also would have used the largest room for my workstation.
This woman seems to be pretty observant and also one who doesn’t want to rock the boat. However, her husband’s family are totally taking advantage of her. Having a troop of freeloaders invade your house is not at all fair. The husband is a lazy POS to let this behavior continue. She needs to sit him down, tell him to be quiet and Listen: “Having YOUR family invade our home constantly is not what I married you for. Either this c**p stops or we are done. PERIOD!” If he doesn’t get it or won’t see her reasoning, then pack his bags and put his stuff on the front lawn and tell him to go back home to his family where he obviously wants to be. He’s a lazy no count loser and a user.
In agreement....I do not understand why folks get married and do not want to leave home.... if you are financially strapped you have no business there ... but in-law invasion constantly.... no
They are too comfortable in your house. That's why they want to come over so often. With that frequency, they should have the decency to clean up after themselves and not leave everythingto you. Hour husband should help out with catering to his family! Seems they are just taking advantage of a paid airbnb plus complimentary service. Set boundaries, have couple's counselling and speak your mind.
Its your House , What you do with it , is up to you , No you are not an a hole , Your husband needs to understand And If he doesn't then Go to couples counseling Or divorce .. So he can live back with his parents and you can move on to better things .. And find someone who understands your feelings .. Remember there's plenty of fish in the sea And yeah if you told him about converting one of the bedrooms to an office and Your in laws starting coming over more , Its cause he knows your the bread winner and is jealous.. And taking advantage of you .. Girl , your better then having a man do that to you .. You can stand alone ..
Even if you do the cooking for 10 (pot of spaghetti) they could clean up. As family they could do their share. Every other week is way too often for eight people to visit. And why? Do they live in a camper van or just like having someone else cook? If you divorce does he get half your assets? Is that what Mr Big Provider is all about? You may have shot yourself in the foot by marrying him.
IN-Lws can cause unnecessary problems that should not be tolerated by anyone. Inlaws should not be so childish but respectful of other people houses. They should just stay away from making the best about them. In Las can be be very selfish n childish
Nta. Your house to do with as you please. You have been way more tolerant to put up with this nonsense then I would ever be. Now your husband & his family have 3 choices. Keep coming but stay in a hotel or don't come and hubby can go visit them. 3rd he can leave and just not come back which ends the problem permanently. Not to his entitled satisfaction but at least you will have ur space/home back. Btw, did he even discuss the visits w/you since it's Your House?
These relatives of your husband, are you entirely responsible for spending your money on feeding them and are they helping with cleanup? Sounds like freeloaders to me. I would make them all get hotel rooms and not let any of them stay. That is plain wrong to take advantage of you and your home.
NTA, first because she inherited the house, not him, second she works from home, that would be impossible with that many people running around so much of the time. Seriously, they can host at least half. I bet they won't because they would have extra work.
My mom's family did her like this. They came in car caravan style. Her mom mentioned that they were going to visit us and an uncle passed the news. Some of the kids had to sleep in the cars. The men walked around the town with dad all night and the women stood with mom talking. This was just stupid to go visit and not know where your kids were going to sleep. They knew everybody was poor, but guess they forgot that weekend. They ate up the groceries mom had gotten for the week, left and did not come back. Grandma apologized to my mom and said never again. Oh mom's uncle came back with his girlfriend and mom. The girlfriend stayed in the bed all day reading magazines. Dad told mom, your people, handle it. The next time, mom fed them beans with no meat or seasoning and hard cornbread. 😂 Last visit. To this day, mom says, you can't tell my folks, you have to show them. This wife told her husband and then she showed them.
An old supervisor from St Croix once told me: people are like cats, you feed them and they get hungry. I had to figure that out, but I think this applies in this situation. To be blunt, that whole family is using her as a maid and cook on the cheap, cheap. Hubby wants that bigger house because then his entire can stay over even more as she cleans and cooks. You can bet they are talking bad about her with no defense from her mate, so now it's going to be uncomfortable no matter what. Husband is acting like a spoiled child and I am quick to cut ties. He could stay in that spare room. He is getting the better deal anyway: no mortgage and that new home was going to happen because her home was going to be sold to She should sit down with her husband in counseling. Call him out for also for not helping. Prepare for the demise of her marriage, split the savings evenly and let Nick move on. I don't see this working out to where she won't continue to be used by this family.
Wait what? HIS family comes and messes the house up and SHE has to clean up after them? Where is her man? Playing video games I guess and relaxing. NTA, that would be your husband.
Maybe consider a calendar that one group can visit once a a month. Set staying time. Set chores as you aren't a hotel and hubby cleans as well. And have your parents come by for a stay as well and let him take care of everything while you enjoy your time. If he can't tell his family they are being intrusive and entitled to YOUR home and work space then tell nick to consider splitting the bank accounts and to gtfo and let you live your life in peace. Cuz he ain't adding to it at all.
OP when you made your decision to convert that room you should have told your partner first. Not asked, but told and explained. Apparently you had mentioned it a few times but I don't think he realized exactly what you meant. You should have confronted him, said you're tired of him booking your whole house every weekend, and said it's time for this room to become a personal room for me. Instead you took the passive aggressive route to avoid a conflict, and you ended up blindsiding him. That said, Nick sounds like a complete idiot. Still, this was the opportunity to sit him down and tell him enough of enough.
He saw her converting the room. She didn't do it behind closed doors.
Load More Replies... It's pretty explicitly SIX siblings who are UNDER the AGE of eighteen, along with a few more who are over 18 and moved out.
Load More Replies... ...your reading comprehension needs work: in her edits, she says that she DID tell him the reno was happening, and she DID tell him his family was visiting too often. Unfortunately, in MY experience, a whole LOT of marriages are exactly the above, with some variation on finances and that's IT.
Load More Replies... She said she didn't want it. If my dad said he didn't want it, my mom told em: sorry, but he doesn't want it. Once in a while was okay, but not too much. My aunt wanted to stay for weeks. That was a nope from him and thus a nope from my mom. She could come over for 2 days, since she lived on another continent. If you want family over all the time, find someone who likes that and that he doesn't cook and clean up is crazy. They're his visitors.
Load More Replies... Put them to work? So she has to play the boss and give them tasks as if they were her kids? No the only thing that works is just leave the mess the mess until one of them gets irritated, if talking doesn't work and they walk all over her boundaries.
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