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Mom Writes Down The Weirdest Thing She Catches Herself Telling Their Kids And Here Are 128 Of The Best Ones
Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can't know the situation or conversation you're gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called WTF Parenting Quotes.
It all started with one phrase. "One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard," the mom behind the project wrote. "I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most wtf thing I’ve ever heard myself say." Since then, she's trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.
As time went by, other parents fell in love with WTF Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.
More info: tumblr
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#1
‘Having Superman printed pajamas will not enable you to fly, my son. Please sleep on the bottom bunk.’ 'Stop licking the eggs and put them back in the fridge.’ After scolding then-3-year old for heading outside in his pajamas to play ('You don’t go outside in your pajamas, young man!’), I found him stark naked on his tricyle, serenely pedalling up and down the driveway. 'Me got no jamas on mummy!’ he proudly told me. - Ed. Note: I love this. Kid definitely is a future lawyer.
Ma Jonalyn Montero 6 years ago
Well, you told him no pajamas outside and he just did that...Clever!!
Mike 6 years ago
The Superman thing reminds me of a kid I went to school with. After watching "The boy who could fly" (yes I'm that old), he jumped off the roof of his 2 story house. Luckily he landed on the clothes line. I think broke his arm though.
Jeff Diamond 6 years ago
Did he stop licking the eggs and putting them in the fridge? Or did he just stop putting them back?
Violet Poterbin 5 years ago
I mean you told him not to go outside in his pajamas he just got a find a loophole
RELATED:
#2
"No, your teeth are not asleep. Go brush them."
Ma Jonalyn Montero 6 years ago (edited)
Sometimes I love how they reason just so they can avoid their situation..Very creative !
Adrianna Mattox 6 years ago
"Son, go brush your teeth." "But they're sleeping, I don't want ot disturb them."
#3
I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.
debrina blackmoon 6 years ago
wtf does this have to do with anything here?! you make no sense, moron
Load More Replies... #4
"No, hippies are not baby hippos. Yes, I’m sure."
cj be like 11 months ago
'and now, to your left, you will see a hippopotamus and its baby hippiepotamus'
Avital Pilpel 6 years ago
Well, if "hippie" doesn't also mean a baby hippo, it should. BTW I've heard of a 5 yo who called a rhinoceros a "battle unicorn".
#5
"Grandpa is not a race car. Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy. You may not “drive Grandpa.”"
Jenica Thomas 6 years ago
My mom loves being a "race car" for her granddaughters! They also love to steer the power chair. I see nothing wrong with this lol.
Mariana Schneider 6 years ago
My grand-aunt is 95, she can walk on her own around the house, but not long distances... and she loves being "driven" around in a wheelchair when we go out!
Jeff Diamond 6 years ago
My father-in-law is in a wheelchair. He prefers it when people say "drive." He says it's more exciting.
#6
"No, do NOT lick the cat."
glowworm2 6 years ago
"But the cat licked me first. It would be impolite not to lick her back."
glorytherainwing 6 years ago
my cat licks me all the time. one time i licked my cats forehead after his bath and he just made the most adorable, rumbly purr ever and it just melted my heart i'm so done
#7
"I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis."
AzKhaleesi 6 years ago
My son once he hit puberty talking to his sister "Whatever I'm Hot..." Me: That's because it's August (lmao) Him .......
#8
"Go ahead. Walk to Australia. Let me know how that goes."
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago
I used to get that when I said I was going to the backyard to dig a hole to China.
Kate Yeti 6 years ago
"Let me know how that goes," means tell me the results of your intended action when you finish. It implies that failure is expected. 😉
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#9
"No no no no. No ‘pants off dance off’ at the wedding."
TeeMarieTisMe 6 years ago
This actually happened at my cousins wedding. Her best friend's son (maybe 3 or 4 at the time) suddenly appears on the dance floor without pants (tighy whiteys only) and runs around proudly as everyone laughed. The photographer even managed to get a glorious photo of the whole thing. It was priceless!
#10
"I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard."
Spencer's slave 2 years ago
Mine just joyrides my broomstick when it's not raining.
Load More Replies... #11
"That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him."
Parmeisan 6 years ago
@Bill - It doesn't matter how progressive we get, there's a line and it's not arbitrary. You will never, ever be able to marry someone or something that cannot consent. Your line, on the other hand - "anyone I don't approve of" - just isn't going to stick.
Leonie Harris 6 years ago
That line in the sand - consent - is clear and unmoving. While the potential partner is a legal adult capable of consent who seeks to marry a likewise legally-consenting adult, there is no grounds to deny them this right irrespective of who might not like it. Without that legally consenting adult status, the marriage is not appropriate. It is a very clear and unmoveable line that safeguards non-consenting parties from harm or abuse.
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Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Well, a guy did married his car and a woman married the Eiffel tower.... so, yes. One day you'll be able to marry your pet or your own children for that matter. It's only a matter of time.
#12
"How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?"
#13
"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’" Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.
European other 6 years ago
Maybe I can convince my boss I was at work in stealth mode that's why she didn't see me
#14
Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.” ….Charlie? Is that you??
#15
"But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?"
Jeff Diamond 6 years ago
My son used to put his pants in the fridge. What I don't get is that he hates the cold.
#16
"You are not an M&M. Put your clothes back on."
#17
"You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes."
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Let him fall, he'd learn his lesson. We were taught with hard love. I learned that the stove was hot because my mom let me put my fingers on it... after several warnings.
#18
"I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas." Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.
#19
"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
To be honest I know some people that deserve having thrown alligators at them. And crocodiles too.
Pretty Pangolin 6 years ago
Throw in a couple of boa constrictors and you've got a deal.
Load More Replies... cj be like 11 months ago
Now how do I find the strength in me to pick up some alligators
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Blakkur Sverrir 6 years ago
Thats true. Its not a good idea, its a GREAT idea. Best I have heard of today. Now please excuse me, gotta get some alligators
Avital Pilpel 6 years ago
Oh yeah? https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/12147874/Man-arrested-for-throwing-alligator-through-drive-thru-window.html
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Heh, i'd do this to my downvoters. Absurd people don't like nobody with free thoughts.
#20
"I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk."
arjelio mas 6 years ago
Just an aside here... We learned in the Intensive Care Nursery that rubbing your finger on the roof of a baby's mouth stopped the hiccups. It worked on me, too. It works on us all, I'm pretty sure. It works on the puppy. Sometimes you only hiccup one more time and that's the end of that!
#21
"Why are you carrying the cat into the bathroom?"
Daune Jaimes Diaz 6 years ago
At 3 I found my son and our cat Taco in bathroom. Well, Taco was calmly sitting inside the toilet while Leo bathed him. Never thought I'd have to tell my kid 'I dont care if the cat likes it, do not give him a bath in the toilet "
glowworm2 6 years ago
My favorite part about this story is that Taco was actually totally okay with getting a bath in the toilet.
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European other 6 years ago
No need to carry my cats into the bathroom, they spend half the day in there
Teri Donovan 6 years ago
Oh now THERE is a loaded question. Goes along with my mom asking "why is there a carp in the bathtub and a snapping turtle in the bathroom sink?"
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
I had a cat that i carried everywhere, and the little sucker didn't mind it either. I own no cats now, but the neighborhood's cats own me.
#22
"Why is there an axe on the floor?" Darn Vikings never pick up after themselves.
Taras Berestyuk 6 years ago
same Eric Bloodaxe, Rollo the walker... I talk too much.
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Awkward Manatee 6 years ago
This one happens a lot a my house. Also, why is there a mace on the floor? And why is there a sword on the floor?
Teri Donovan 6 years ago
As a mother of all boys....as long as there is no blood on it, I'm not going to ask. I'm just going to say..."could someone please come pick this up and put it away?"
#23
"No no no, the police do not need your help ‘investigating.’ Get back here!!" All kinds of trouble at the park tonight.
#24
NO! Don’t pull that pin!! Yelled at my almost 2yr old as he approached a gas station fire extinguisher with a devious look in his eye.
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Whoa, times do change. When i was a kid, i was afraid to do or touch anything, if i did, the mega slap was a sure thing to follow. Too bad that child abuse thing came a bit too late for me.
#25
Whose underwear is on your head? (It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t clean and his brother was hiding and giggling) It wasn’t clean. IT WASN’T CLEAN. brb, vomiting.
Jacob/Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 6 years ago
Depends on how dirty and what kind of dirty.
Load More Replies... #26
"I’m sure Grandpa could go to England and not kill anyone." Grandpa is an Irishman, in case you couldn’t tell.
Jette Wang Wahnon 6 years ago
Welllll,the Irish are a proud people and just a teeny weeny little bit belligerent...
Teri Donovan 6 years ago
We have plenty to be proud of and NO, we are NOT belligerent (LOL)
Load More Replies... Teri Donovan 6 years ago
My very Irish (100%) grandfather actually loved England when he visited. Was interviewed on BBC and told them he liked England better....not as much rain and fewer sheep. Oddly, his son (my dad) had one complaint about Ireland when he and my stepmum went: too darned many sheep! Guess it's a good thing they didn't go to New Zealand.
#27
"Put the guns down and brush your teeth."
Steve Cruz 6 years ago
Million dollar idea: battery operated toothbrush shaped like a gun, stick the brush in the barrel and pull the trigger to operate! (Oh yeah, guns aren't toys.)
#28
Anonymous asked: No, Gatorade in your eyes will not make you see things faster That lightning bolt sure confuses things!
Flower Crown Faun 6 years ago
Tsk tsk tsk, when will kids these days learn? The lightning bolt means you can shoot electricity out of your eyes, not see faster!
cj be like 11 months ago
Too bad, I've been pouring gatorade in my eyes for years hoping i could eventually see the future and avoid my problems before they happen
#29
"They’re called ‘discharge papers’ not 'dementor papers.’" He was reading Harry Potter while waiting for his x Rays and got confused.
Bananabelle 6 years ago
YES!! You taught your child well. (I'm totally calling them 'dementor papers' from now on.)
Flower Crown Faun 6 years ago
Probably gonna get downvoted but I disagree; I personally think Harry Potter is overrated. I'm curious as to what makes it so appealing to everyone else. I like to learn about other people's tastes, even if I don't share their enthusiasm.
Load More Replies... Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago (edited)
No. No. NO. You have it wrong child. Dementor papers are the ones that come in mail after you had your discharge from hospital. Sucks the joy right out of you.
#30
“Stop eating your soup with your fingers!” (To my 10 year old)
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
But it's FUN! At my age i shouldn't be doing it. To hell with others, i say.
Freya the Wanderer 6 years ago
A ditty I learned years ago: "I eat my peas with honey, I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, but It keeps them on my knife!"
#31
"Why is the cat pink?" Submission from my sister. My nephews’ responses were apparently along the lines of ‘We have a cat?’
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
My granny painted a white kitten green because she didn't wanted to return it to it's owners.
#32
"Macchu Picchu is not a Pokemon." “Macchu Picchu I choose you!”
#33
"No you’re not a jockey and you can’t ride the baby."
#34
"Just sign the sympathy card as yourself, not as Gandalf." … And ‘Boba Fett’ is also not appropriate.
Orillion 6 years ago
They still draw the line at fictional characters. At least I think they do.
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Samantha Lomb 6 years ago
My FATHER, an adult man with supposedly good judgment, once signed a school permission slip as Adolf Hitler and the school totally accepted it. i was mortified. He found it hilarious
Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago
That was his way of saying, "Look no one cares, next time just sign it yourself." or that's what I would have took that as.
Load More Replies... #35
"How did your hat get over the fence if you didn’t throw it? No, hats don’t fly."
#36
"No, no one is going to autograph your teeth."
#37
"The cat is not hypnotizing the dog." It’s improbable, but not impossible.
#38
"‘Slap Grandpa’ doesn’t sound like a very nice game."
#39
"You can’t put me in timeout, I’m your mother."
Masen Silas 6 years ago
Yesterday my daughter and I were talking and she said fine, then youre fired... Not how that works but damn. lol
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Uffffff, if i ever dared to even think about doing it, i'll be murdered.
#40
"Yes, I agree, [the neighbor’s cat] ‘isn’t very sexy.’ Wait… what do you think that word means? No… It doesn’t mean ‘a person you go on dates with.’"
Danieletc 6 years ago
Lordy, talk about low-hanging fruit... the kid clearly likes... the neighbor's pussy.
#41
"No, I don’t know what your Father’s Day card to Daddy says. Maybe next time don’t pick out one that’s in Spanish."
#42
"No, Grandpa does not have any friends named ‘Vomity.’" …. That I know of?
#43
"Something I actually said tonight: No, no… Don’t wash your face with the frog."
#44
"Look, it’s one thing if it happens accidentally, but we’re not going to deliberately shoot milk out of our noses at the dinner table."
#45
"Yes you *were* eating dirt. I can still see it around your mouth. No you are *not* a worm."
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
That's calcium deficiency. I used to do it too until i got recommended calcium tablets. Ummm, the smell of fresh rain on dirt still feels tempting.
#46
"Because Mommy’s not a professional art thief, that’s why."
#47
"There will be no fish catching with your toes." I just heard my husband say this. I’m afraid to go downstairs.
#48
"Why are there leprechaun body parts in your folder?"
Parmeisan 6 years ago
I pictured the kid opening up their homework bag and little cutouts spilling out. Not necessarily an invasion of privacy.
Load More Replies... #49
“No, honey, we can’t clean giraffes with cupcakes.” – I don’t even know what the context of this was
#50
"I don’t ‘smell like Europe.’ What does that even mean?"
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
That you stink. It's what it means in Santo Domingo. We had some very stinky tourists. People, some deodorants are quite cheap; please, stop offending our noses.
#51
"Why is the dog wearing Yoda ears?"
Lsai Aeon 6 years ago
No Yoda ears, but one of mine does wear hats Loki-St-Pa...001e5e.jpg 
#52
"No, you have to wear pants on the golf course." Shipping this kid to a nudist colony in 5… 4… 3…
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
There was something we called belt. It enforced obedience and good behavior like a Nun in a catholic school.
#53
"Yes, you do look like Tony Stark but I still want you to wash your face." Chocolate ice cream goatee = easy costume.
#54
"Look, I know you love pickles, but… with a cookie? …At the same time?"
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
Coming from a parent eating Brussels Sprouts that must sound a bit odd to a kid.
Bill 6 years ago
Must be a genetic thing with the tastebuds. Everyone in my family eats brussel sprouts, broccoli and lima beans from a young age w no fuss
Load More Replies... Jenica Thomas 6 years ago
Also giving a toddler pickles + milk is not a good idea. My ex didn't see the problem until said toddler was in my arms hurling down my back. >_<
Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago
Oh god. My son is 8 but I still remember that baby/toddler vomit smell. I personally find that worse than a dirty diaper.
Load More Replies... #55
"I babysit often and this is one of my favorites: “please stop stabbing your corn, and telling it to die!”" Another anonymous submission. Keep ‘em coming!
#56
"Please do not take your socks and shoes off in the restaurant. No. No, no. The waiter does not want to see your toes."
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Doesn't parents educate anymore? Your child shouldn't be the boss of you.
#57
"No I will not dye my hair green for the wedding." Mohawks are also out.
#58
"When did you memorize all these insurance commercials??"
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
During all the long hours you left me sitting on the couch watching TV.
Lsai Aeon 6 years ago
In this parent's defense, my son is on the autism spectrum and MUST have the TV on almost all the time. He may be in his room playing with lego or cars or something but the TV in the living room MUST be on. He may be in another room, but he can still recite word for word the majority of commercials
#59
"Do not throw gorillas at me. Please." Another submission from my sister.
#60
Anonymous asked: I say this almost daily to my daughter-"Stop licking the television Spongebob doesn't like it" … I bet Patrick does.
#61
"You’re probably right, you shouldn’t time travel on an empty stomach."
#62
"You’re in trouble because you told passport control ‘Sorry my picture doesn’t match my face.’"
#63
"No, you can’t send your cousin to an orphanage."
Alexandria Rejon 6 years ago
I tried to send my brother back to the hospital when i first met him I was 4
#64
"You smell like meat."
#65
"Please stop saying ‘Redrum’. It’s super creepy."
Elsker 6 years ago
I don't get the joke... But i Guess that's because of some creepy movie i haven't seen yet?...#Blessedme:)
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#67
"Well, next time, don’t hide important things just to give yourself ‘a challenge.’"
#68
"Please don’t tell people [great grandma] ‘was too old to live.’"
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
Just rephrase it to "She was so old, she should have been dead a long time ago."
#69
"Is firing a nerf gun one of the steps of getting ready for bed?"
Spoiler: the answer is no.
#71
"No, you can’t stay at home alone with the dog. The dog is not an appropriate baby-sitter."
#72
"Stop cannibalizing your mother, child!!" Submission from my friend, whose baby likes to eat her face.
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Give them a pacifier. It's hard for them to cry or bite with one in their mouth. Or a Hannibal Lecter mask.
#73
"No, there will be no pocket knives at occupational therapy." This sounds worse than it was. He was just really hoping they’d teach him how to open one. …. Maybe that’s not better, now that I think of it.
I'm A Lazy Panda 6 years ago
Well, it is a life skill after all! But if one of my kiddos brought that to a therapy session they'd just be in for a lot of activities revolving around safety awareness and decision making skills lol.
#74
"No, I do not have a mouse in my nose."
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
When kids tell the truth it's called innocence, but when they grow up and tell the truth to people, it's called being a troll or a bully. Been there.
#75
"Why are you putting M&Ms down your pants??"
#76
“No, honey, your brain is in your head, not your leg."
AzKhaleesi 6 years ago
Well if it's a boy...... (just kidding couldn't resist don't hate on me)
Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago
I am hating on you cause what you thinking is not true until he reaches puberty.
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#77
"I’m pretty sure you’re not a hobbit."
FloC 6 years ago
And when do the hair grow on the feet ? When they are kids or only at puberty ?
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#78
I don’t think the insurance company will take this. Thanks, though.
#79
"Oh my god, please don’t ever shout that you’re not wearing underwear ever again. Especially in the library."
Rebecah Ozuna 6 years ago
Why are you being downvoted? Bored Panda doesn't like honest lines.
Load More Replies... #80
is that spaghetti in your pocket?
#81
"OK, A) the cat does not have a ‘death list’ and B), if he did, I would not be number one." Everyone knows the dog gets that spot.
#82
"No, your imaginary friends did not make the mess in the attic." Great. Now I’m living in a Family Circus strip.
#83
"Haircuts aren’t evil, and you’re getting one."
#84
"Crutches don’t have ‘gears’ so how can you lose one??"
#85
"Please, please, try not to say anything inappropriate to my boss today." Unofficial ‘Take Your Kid To Work Day’ can have severe consequences.
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
Especially if you have been saying inappropriate things about your boss at home.
#86
"No, I don’t think any chickens are going to come flying down the chimney."
#87
"Did you tell [grandma] that she’s ‘odd’? That’s not nice." … not to mention a little hypocritical.
#88
"You’re eating that pizza crust from off the bathroom floor, aren’t you?"
She was supposed to throw it in the garbage, smh
#89
"We are not buying a bazooka at Target."
A B C 6 years ago
Is it weird that I wouldn't be surprised if you actually could? Please, US Pandas, tell me you can't. Please.
Bill 6 years ago
I think you need a federal class 3 for them. That's the license to own machine guns and such.
Load More Replies... #90
"No, you may not paint the dog orange."
#91
Got these two one right after the other: (1): I just caught myself telling my 4 year old that “anything that involves putting things in your knickers is probably a bad idea” Oh dear, but still, it’s a good rule for life! and (2): No, your underwear is not a ‘great place’ to keep toothpicks! I’d like to have grand kids some day—-said to my 3 year old son. Two is a coincidence, three is a pattern. We’re almost at pattern status for things in underpants. …. Yay?
#92
"Repeat after me: Paintbrushes. Are. Not. Bookmarks."
Sasy 6 years ago
I can totaly see an artist using them inbetween pages of an art book.
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Fred and George Weasley 5 years ago
as long as theres no paint on them i dont see the problem. god life is boring these days
#93
"You may not bring your sword to the water park."
#94
“Stop sitting on that damn cheese!”
Wyndmere 6 years ago (edited)
*he said as he slides sideways off the ham*
Load More Replies... #95
"I don’t think the cat wants you to read to him right now."
#96
frankiemtl asked: Don't lick your friends. Put down the machete. Don't put chicken in your purse. Don't put that mustache on the fridge. These are all terrific! (But I’m a little frightened of the machete.)
#97
"No, I can’t brainwash you."
Jette Wang Wahnon 6 years ago
You were too rough when you tried to get the chewing-gum out of his hair.
#98
"We already own flyswatters, why do you want one for your birthday?" At least I stopped myself from saying ‘What the f kind of present is that?’
#99
"Yes, Elvis is dead. Yes, I’m sure."
#100
"No, no one cloned our dog."
#101
"Why is everyone at camp afraid of you? What did you do?"
#102
"Please use the doors when entering and exiting my car."
Madzdad the bard 6 years ago
Don't laugh. I got in trouble several times to entering my mom's car like the General Lee. Trying to slide across the hood didn't go over too well either.
Wyndmere 6 years ago
Especially when your jeans have metal rivets on the back pockets.
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#103
"No, you can’t put a curse on people."
#104
"Dead people can’t parachute."
Fred and George Weasley 5 years ago
they can, they just might fall out of the thingy in mid air
#105
"No, we’re not having ‘elephant food’ for dinner. Nope, not even if you’re in the mood for it."
#106
When she was 5 Bean, please don’t lick the ceiling.
#107
"You’re supposed to be brushing your teeth, not lying on the floor naked."
#108
"No, see, our brains stop working when we die. And if you take an ostrich’s brain out, the ostrich will die."
WilvanderHeijden 6 years ago
So how come tangerine turd is still walking and talking? Explain that.
I'm A Lazy Panda 6 years ago
Probably the same way as Mike the headless chicken did. Someone's just feeding him with an eyedropper and letting him do his thing.
Load More Replies... #109
"All right I’m tired of hearing about poop and pooping." Regretting the mad libs purchase 5 minutes in.
Pretty Pangolin 6 years ago
Oh, we would laugh ourselves into hysterics doing Mad Libs. There's a good memory. One was, what happens when you get cold...you get 'llama pimples'!
#110
"No, I would not love a ‘pukeachu’ for Christmas." It’s the thought that counts and all but wtf are you thinking that makes you think I would love a puking Pikachu??
Jette Wang Wahnon 6 years ago
Use your imagination...there is a little guy who would dearly love to receive one.
Wyndmere 6 years ago
Read that word again; it is not the cute little yellow animal.
Load More Replies... #112
No thanks, son. Mommy prefers her ice cream without dirty socks.
#113
"Stop sucking your sister’s thumb! It’s just weird. Said to my 6 and 4 year old — rawchaellee" …. yikes.
#114
terrorsister asked: I have some quotes for you if you like. "No im not getting fat ther is yoour little sister or brother growing in my belly" "What do you mean by :"why did you ate it?" "No i dont eat kids no matter what your dad said" I do like!
#116
"No one has ever ‘exploded from hunger.’ I doubt you will either."
#118
"You can’t brush your teeth with socks on your hands." I mean, you can try, but you’re not going to be very successful.
#119
"Don’t use your mittens to pick up dog poop."
#121
"You can’t spit food all over other peoples’ tables. Or ours, now that I think about it."
#122
"No, I am not controlled by an alien mothership." …. Not that they’d let me tell you if I were.
#123
"No, you can’t ride the dog." Our schnoodle is about 30 pounds, and clearly not a horse.
Madzdad the bard 6 years ago
"Nobody told me that riding the dog was frowned upon in this establishment!" I loved that Fidelity baby commercial.
#124
"You can’t write ‘The Boss’ after your name on tests."
#125
"Pizza is a very odd weakness."
Danieletc 6 years ago
Au Contriarie. Good Pizza is a step to greater Glory, Flavor, and Ultimate Happiness.
Wyndmere 6 years ago
Not to mention, extra good with double pepperoni and extra cheese.
Load More Replies... #126
"Being in a hot tub too long won’t actually make you shrink."
#127
“Sweetheart, those rocks aren’t that thirsty.” - to a very serious three-year-old throwing increasingly larger rocks into puddles.
#128
"There are some things you should not put ketchup on." … A PB&J, for example.
A B C 6 years ago
PB&J is weird enough on its own, but maybe it gets (even?) better with Ketchup? Who knows? Have you tried it? Have you?
FloC 6 years ago (edited)
Ketchup is so sweet that it can probably be used instead of jelly.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
AzKhaleesi 6 years ago
I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)
Steve Cruz 6 years ago
When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)
Night Owl 6 years ago
Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system
Load More Replies...
Patricia Rix 6 years ago
My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"
Willajune B 6 years ago
My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.
Tamera Gardner 6 years ago
Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”
AzKhaleesi 6 years ago
I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)
Steve Cruz 6 years ago
When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)
Night Owl 6 years ago
Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system
Load More Replies... Patricia Rix 6 years ago
My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"
Willajune B 6 years ago
My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.
Tamera Gardner 6 years ago
Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”
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