Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can't know the situation or conversation you're gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called WTF Parenting Quotes.

It all started with one phrase. "One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard," the mom behind the project wrote. "I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most wtf thing I’ve ever heard myself say." Since then, she's trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.

As time went by, other parents fell in love with WTF Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.

More info: tumblr

#1

‘Having Superman printed pajamas will not enable you to fly, my son. Please sleep on the bottom bunk.’

'Stop licking the eggs and put them back in the fridge.’

After scolding then-3-year old for heading outside in his pajamas to play ('You don’t go outside in your pajamas, young man!’), I found him stark naked on his tricyle, serenely pedalling up and down the driveway. 'Me got no jamas on mummy!’ he proudly told me.

- Ed. Note: I love this. Kid definitely is a future lawyer.

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Lilli Stanard
Community Member
5 months ago

"me got no jamas on mummy"

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#2

"No, your teeth are not asleep. Go brush them."

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Orillion
Community Member
5 months ago

At least the kid tried :p

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#3

I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.

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Ma Jonalyn Montero
Community Member
5 months ago

Whoah! Son, we gotta talk.

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#4

"No, hippies are not baby hippos. Yes, I’m sure."

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Bill
Community Member
5 months ago

Some grow up to become hippos

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#5

"Grandpa is not a race car.
Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy.
You may not “drive Grandpa.”"

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
5 months ago

Why are you spoiling Grandpa's day?

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#6

"No, do NOT lick the cat."

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glowworm2
Community Member
5 months ago

"But the cat licked me first. It would be impolite not to lick her back."

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#7

"I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis."

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
5 months ago

Kids growing up so fast!

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#8

"Go ahead. Walk to Australia. Let me know how that goes."

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
5 months ago

I used to get that when I said I was going to the backyard to dig a hole to China.

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#9

"No no no no. No ‘pants off dance off’ at the wedding."

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Angel Llamas
Community Member
5 months ago

Boring wedding then.

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#10

"I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard."

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Danieletc
Community Member
5 months ago

Just the way the cat wants you to think.

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#11

"That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him."

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Parmeisan
Community Member
5 months ago

@Bill - It doesn't matter how progressive we get, there's a line and it's not arbitrary. You will never, ever be able to marry someone or something that cannot consent. Your line, on the other hand - "anyone I don't approve of" - just isn't going to stick.

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#12

"How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?"

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Night Owl
Community Member
5 months ago

S(he) turned into a giraffe

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#13

"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’"

Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
5 months ago

MO-OOM!

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#14

Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.”

….Charlie? Is that you??

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Jeff Diamond
Community Member
5 months ago

I've said this, too.

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#15

"But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?"

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glowworm2
Community Member
5 months ago

Was the kid still attached to them at the time?

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#16

"You are not an M&M. Put your clothes back on."

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Alexandria Rejon
Community Member
5 months ago

This ones my favorite

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#17

"You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes."

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Kjorn
Community Member
5 months ago

dog can be so mean sometime

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#18

"I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas."

Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.

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Bill
Community Member
5 months ago

But I am. Firewood doesn't cut itself.

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#19

"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
5 months ago

To be honest I know some people that deserve having thrown alligators at them. And crocodiles too.

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#20

"I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk."

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glowworm2
Community Member
5 months ago (edited)

Great idea, but I don't think it's going to work if they're aware of it to begin with.

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#21

"Why are you carrying the cat into the bathroom?"

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Daune Jaimes Diaz
Community Member
5 months ago

At 3 I found my son and our cat Taco in bathroom. Well, Taco was calmly sitting inside the toilet while Leo bathed him. Never thought I'd have to tell my kid 'I dont care if the cat likes it, do not give him a bath in the toilet "

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#22

"Why is there an axe on the floor?"

Darn Vikings never pick up after themselves.

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glowworm2
Community Member
5 months ago

Hagar the Horrible can vouch for that.

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#23

"No no no, the police do not need your help ‘investigating.’ Get back here!!"

All kinds of trouble at the park tonight.

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glowworm2
Community Member
5 months ago

I really want to know the backstory for this one!

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#24

NO! Don’t pull that pin!!
Yelled at my almost 2yr old as he approached a gas station fire extinguisher with a devious look in his eye.

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Bill
Community Member
5 months ago

Never take him to the grenade range

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#25

Whose underwear is on your head? (It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t clean and his brother was hiding and giggling)

It wasn’t clean. IT WASN’T CLEAN. brb, vomiting.

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Kjorn
Community Member
5 months ago

at least it's not an older brother crushy socks

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#26

"I’m sure Grandpa could go to England and not kill anyone."

Grandpa is an Irishman, in case you couldn’t tell.

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Jette Wang Wahnon
Community Member
5 months ago

Welllll,the Irish are a proud people and just a teeny weeny little bit belligerent...

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#27

"Put the guns down and brush your teeth."

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A B C
Community Member
5 months ago

Every odd hillbilly house in the US's midwest, every evening?

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#28

Anonymous asked: No, Gatorade in your eyes will not make you see things faster

That lightning bolt sure confuses things!

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Flower Crown Faun
Community Member
5 months ago

Tsk tsk tsk, when will kids these days learn? The lightning bolt means you can shoot electricity out of your eyes, not see faster!

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#29

"They’re called ‘discharge papers’ not 'dementor papers.’"

He was reading Harry Potter while waiting for his x Rays and got confused.

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Bananabelle
Community Member
5 months ago

YES!! You taught your child well. (I'm totally calling them 'dementor papers' from now on.)

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#30

“Stop eating your soup with your fingers!” (To my 10 year old)

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
5 months ago

Some substantial soup there!

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