“Oh Sorry, I Forgot To Mention”: Guests Left Washing Dishes At Reception By Surprise
When you get an invitation to a wedding, you’re preparing for a party. But when Reddit user Fuschia_Apple‘s husband went to his old friends’ ceremony, he was asked to work.
The man, along with everyone else he was sitting with, were approached by the mother of the bride who asked them to bus the tables. If that wasn’t enough, she came back and told them to do the dishes instead!
I guess employing your guests is cheaper than hiring a few extra pairs of hands.
This woman couldn’t go to her husband’s friends’ wedding, so he went alone
Image credits: Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
But when he came back, the man said it was more of a job than a celebration
Image credits: Yukiko Kanada (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fuschia_apple
It’s understandable why a couple may consider something like this
According to a report by Zola, weddings started roaring back from a pandemic-triggered halt to all kinds of celebrations in 2022, and, ever since, the industry has seen a surge in demands for venues, photographers, wedding planners, florists and wedding cakes.
Add to that a growing desire for very customized events, and prices are rising.
In 2023, the US national average for wedding costs hit $29,000, with the number reaching as much as $35,000 in some major cities.
When asked about who is footing the bill, the Zola report discovered that 33% of couples said others are contributing to their wedding budgets in some way and another 16% said they are paying for the whole thing completely on their own.
As a result, many are looking for ways to save an extra dollar where they can. “In 2022, we saw an average of 117 wedding guests, but in 2023, we discovered [that] 39% of couples are trimming their guest list,” says Esther Lee, deputy editor at The Knot, a wedding planning and vendor marketplace company.
While this particular couple kept their guest list long, they decided to give them work. Even though such practices aren’t the norm, a quick Google search reveals that other people have found themselves in similar positions.
Image credits: Thomas William (not the actual photo)
But it’s definitely a mistake
Julianne Cuomo, who is a certified wedding planner with extensive experience in event management, says that engaged couples often ask her whether or not it’s OK to ask a friend or family member to “work” at their wedding.
When answering this popular question, she asks the couple the following:
- Is your friend/family member part of the bridal party? According to Cuomo, you cannot have someone who is a member of the bridal party “work” your wedding. There’s simply not enough time since they already have other responsibilities, after all, they will need to help the bride and groom get ready, escort guests, etc.
- Is your friend/family member a guest at the wedding? If you want this person to be a guest at your wedding, they cannot “work” during it. You don’t want them to miss out on your special day and not feel included because they’re busy with chores.
Other industry experts agree that you can’t do whatever you want with them. On the contrary. “Guests are the priority of your wedding in my mind,” says Fallon Carter of Fallon Carter Events. “Yes, there’s food and beverage and music and dress and décor—but what is all of that without guests? When they’re happy, you’re happy.”
Image credits: Marcel Strauß (not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, its author answered people’s questions in the comments
Many thought that the couple were out of their minds
And some even shared their own similar experiences
Explore more of these tags
If you can't afford to hire a clean up crew, then you really can't afford a wedding for 200 people. It's extremely rude and presumptuous to expect guests to work at a wedding without prior notice and their agreement.
Everything about this wedding is wrong. Two hundred people is a really large wedding. They should have limited guest list if they couldn't afford it. It is beyond the pale to ask guests to do anything resembling work at your wedding especially if you don't ask beforehand. Really embarrassing and gross behavior.
I don't think this is a problem if you have this arrangement set up before hand. You can ask friends and family to help out, but don't spring it on them. I have been to very informal weddings before that were more of potluck situations and people helped clean up and take down decorations, but we all knew the score before we showed up.
I think this is the key. My sister asked me if I'd handle the food for her wedding, and I didn't mind at all. I also did the food for my own wedding. But we asked helpers in advance.
Load More Replies...This is what happens when your wedding is bigger than your wallet. After she made the second "request", I would have gone out the back and gone home, leaving a note saying "We decided to leave the rest to the professional staff you hired, whenever they decide to show up. How inconsiderate it is of someone to not be prepared on such an important day."
Should've told mother their suits were rented and they couldn't risk staining them.
This is the old way, before all the big expensive weddings of the 80s onwards. I think the communication is the real issue, the mother and her generation would consider it perfectly normal to nominate guests to help, after all you must be close to the bride and groom to be there and that's what family and friends traditionally did in years gone past. Bride and groom should have known better and asked for help before the reception so their poor elders didn't have to run around looking for it and wondering why no one volunteered. Every wedding I went to in the 70s was like this, people back then expected to help rather than be served, food, drink and dancing was plenty of reward for a little effort and that's just how it went.
I got married in 2000, and the wedding dos and don'ts of today make me look back at my wedding and wonder at how much times have changed. I wouldn't even have been able to have a wedding if I had to follow all the "rules", now. It would have been the courthouse and pile of apologies for being broke.
Load More Replies...I had family and friends cater (and clean up) my wedding, but it was a team who had agreed in advance to do it. I would never have jumped this expectation on people, yikes!
I'm half Irish half French and never heard of a dry wedding... I wouldn't fly well in either country
I was at a wedding like this. But the wedding started with an hour long "ceremony" that was just a very religious sermon/rant by the minister. The venue was not air conditioned, and this was mid-summer. Then an hour of photographs while guests helped with cooking (with no warning ahead of time) or stood around with nothing to do, no food or drinks. Eventually someone brought out some water bottles. Then self-serve food and helping with clean up. No alcohol, of course, and no music. It was brutal.
I guess it's a good thing I didn't have any friends from high school. If I did, they wouldn't be friends after trying to pull this... I would have walked. My only similar experiences are people inviting me to parties and I suddenly become the designated grillmaster - the difference is they give me the best bits of food and the best drinks, basically waiting on me hand and foot for food, trays, supplies... anything I need. Definitely not me slaving over the grill doing all the work.
If you can't afford to hire a clean up crew, then you really can't afford a wedding for 200 people. It's extremely rude and presumptuous to expect guests to work at a wedding without prior notice and their agreement.
Everything about this wedding is wrong. Two hundred people is a really large wedding. They should have limited guest list if they couldn't afford it. It is beyond the pale to ask guests to do anything resembling work at your wedding especially if you don't ask beforehand. Really embarrassing and gross behavior.
I don't think this is a problem if you have this arrangement set up before hand. You can ask friends and family to help out, but don't spring it on them. I have been to very informal weddings before that were more of potluck situations and people helped clean up and take down decorations, but we all knew the score before we showed up.
I think this is the key. My sister asked me if I'd handle the food for her wedding, and I didn't mind at all. I also did the food for my own wedding. But we asked helpers in advance.
Load More Replies...This is what happens when your wedding is bigger than your wallet. After she made the second "request", I would have gone out the back and gone home, leaving a note saying "We decided to leave the rest to the professional staff you hired, whenever they decide to show up. How inconsiderate it is of someone to not be prepared on such an important day."
Should've told mother their suits were rented and they couldn't risk staining them.
This is the old way, before all the big expensive weddings of the 80s onwards. I think the communication is the real issue, the mother and her generation would consider it perfectly normal to nominate guests to help, after all you must be close to the bride and groom to be there and that's what family and friends traditionally did in years gone past. Bride and groom should have known better and asked for help before the reception so their poor elders didn't have to run around looking for it and wondering why no one volunteered. Every wedding I went to in the 70s was like this, people back then expected to help rather than be served, food, drink and dancing was plenty of reward for a little effort and that's just how it went.
I got married in 2000, and the wedding dos and don'ts of today make me look back at my wedding and wonder at how much times have changed. I wouldn't even have been able to have a wedding if I had to follow all the "rules", now. It would have been the courthouse and pile of apologies for being broke.
Load More Replies...I had family and friends cater (and clean up) my wedding, but it was a team who had agreed in advance to do it. I would never have jumped this expectation on people, yikes!
I'm half Irish half French and never heard of a dry wedding... I wouldn't fly well in either country
I was at a wedding like this. But the wedding started with an hour long "ceremony" that was just a very religious sermon/rant by the minister. The venue was not air conditioned, and this was mid-summer. Then an hour of photographs while guests helped with cooking (with no warning ahead of time) or stood around with nothing to do, no food or drinks. Eventually someone brought out some water bottles. Then self-serve food and helping with clean up. No alcohol, of course, and no music. It was brutal.
I guess it's a good thing I didn't have any friends from high school. If I did, they wouldn't be friends after trying to pull this... I would have walked. My only similar experiences are people inviting me to parties and I suddenly become the designated grillmaster - the difference is they give me the best bits of food and the best drinks, basically waiting on me hand and foot for food, trays, supplies... anything I need. Definitely not me slaving over the grill doing all the work.






























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