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Childfree Woman Upset That MIL Refuses To Make Her A Family Quilt, Gets A Reality Check Online
Getting married means that you’re now part of two families. And this can be a wonderful blessing if you’re close with your in-laws! You get to celebrate each holiday twice, and you’ll receive double the amount of love every time you and your spouse share good news.
But stepping into a new family can be challenging if you just can’t manage to find your footing. Especially when it feels like you’re not being treated as an equal. One woman reached out to Reddit for advice after her mother-in-law made a quilt for all of the couples in their family except her and her husband. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the thoughts readers had about the situation.
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This mom has been working hard to create family quilts for her children
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But one daughter-in-law grew tired of waiting around to receive one, so she decided to ask what the hold-up was
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: StockTurnip
The majority of married women admit that they’ve had conflicts with their spouse’s mother
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
While we all know that it’s a trope in films and TV shows for mother and daughter-in-laws to despise one another, this is, unfortunately, not too far from many people’s realities. According to a 2022 study, moms report having more conflicts with their daughter-in-laws than with their own daughters. And the BBCreports that research by psychologist Terri Apter found that 60% of women have experienced stress and unhappiness due to tensions with their mother-in-law.
In fact, two thirds of married women admitted that their husband’s mom “exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their son.” And a whopping three quarters of couples admitted that they’ve had issues with an in-law. But these conflicts often involve daughter-in-laws, as only 15% of relationships between mother-in-laws and son-in-laws were described as tense.
So why is it so challenging for in-laws to get along? Madeleine A. Fugère, PhD, wrote a piece for Psychology Today providing a few possible explanations. First, she noted that people often end up with partners that their parents would not have chosen for them. And that can be difficult for a mother and/or father to accept.
Sometimes, mother-in-laws are also bothered by the fact that their daughter-in-law is too attractive. She may worry that her son’s relationship won’t last if he’s married to someone who looks like a model, as apparently, women who are more attractive than their male partners consider leaving the relationship more and show more interest in other people.
And of course, some mothers feel threatened by their child’s partner if they’re worried about no longer being the most important person in their child’s life. In this particular story, however, it sounds like one of the reasons why the author’s mother-in-law isn’t a fan of hers may be because she and her husband have chosen not to have children.
Repairing a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship requires effort from both sides
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite the fact that being childfree has been increasing in popularity in recent years, a 2022 YouGov poll found that over 40% of women and 30% of men in the United States face pressure to have children. And it’s no secret that a lot of parents hope (whether secretly or outwardly) that they’ll become grandparents at some point.
But perhaps the issue in this situation is simpler: maybe both women just need to put more effort into their relationship. When it comes to improving mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, Verywell Mind recommends a few strategies for building a healthier relationship.
First, they note that it can be helpful to validate your mother-in-law’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with her. It might also be a good idea to practice positive reinforcement with your in-law. Try to focus on acknowledging and appreciating her efforts, which might even improve her mood and encourage more positive interactions in the future.
And remember not to place all of the blame on your mother-in-law for how you feel about her. Even if the two of you can never be best friends, practicing mindfulness during your interactions with her might help you stay cool, calm and collected. You can’t control how she acts, but you can certainly control how you choose to respond.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was wrong for feeling entitled to a quilt from her mother-in-law? Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Many readers gave the author a reality check, noting that she was not entitled to a quilt
And some believed that all parties could have handled the situation more maturely
However, others thought that the author had a right to ask if she would be getting a quilt
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What do you think ?
Emilu 2 months ago (edited)
I’m not sure who in their right mind would expect a quilt after seeing the others had the kids’ names etc on them. Obviously MIL is making them for the grandkids/to be passed down etc, as is her right. I’m childfree and the notion of someone making me a quilt for that is just… weird. And the audacity of OP doubling down and basically demanding one after MIL took a break? She’d be getting something from me, only it wouldn’t be a quilt, if you know what I mean.
Peace 2 months ago
Daughter in law is really feeling entitled. After her saying she wanted to hear it straight from her mil and then says she lying, that was enough information. The mil doesn't have to do anything or explain herself. What a d****e daughter in law. The nerve of some people.
Marnie 2 months ago (edited)
I almost always agree with the various voices of reason in the BP comments. But this time, I don't. I don't know that OP handled it quite as diplomatically as she could have. But that aside, I think MOST people would feel left out and hurt if a MIL made a special thing like this for all her kids except one, just because they don't have kids. I bet the grandkids themselves don't give more than one hoot about this quilt (though they might when they are older). The quit is for the kids right now, not the grandkids. Why purposefully leave out one of her kids? She could have just filled in with colored squares. I would say DEMANDING a quilt is entitled. But feeling hurt and left out and expressing it is not. Seems a reasonable response to me.
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Rika 2 months ago
What are those dogs' hobbies ? Playing fetch and licking their b*lls ? Crazy dog mom gotta realize her dogs aren't kids, it's her right to treat them as such, but she shouldn't expect MIL to do the same. Those quilts are made for grandchildren, not for dogs who'll most likely tear it to pieces because it has no value to them - because they're *dogs* and don't care about stuff like that. (Also, OP calling it a kitschy thing she'd like to decorate her hipster house shows she doesn't care about its sentimental value either.)
greenideas 2 months ago
OP didn't say the quilts were for the dogs, but their dogs could feature on the quilts (which would be for humans). MIL twisted it around and said she wasn't going to make it for the dogs, which wasn't the intention at all. I think the quilts are just the straw that broke the camels back, and there is much more favoristism to be discovered if we scratch the surface. Yes, OP acted rude and entitled - she should have taken the hint that she wasn't as high in the family hierarchy because she didn't squat and pop out a kid, and not demanded anything form MIL.
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Emilu 2 months ago (edited)
I’m not sure who in their right mind would expect a quilt after seeing the others had the kids’ names etc on them. Obviously MIL is making them for the grandkids/to be passed down etc, as is her right. I’m childfree and the notion of someone making me a quilt for that is just… weird. And the audacity of OP doubling down and basically demanding one after MIL took a break? She’d be getting something from me, only it wouldn’t be a quilt, if you know what I mean.
Peace 2 months ago
Daughter in law is really feeling entitled. After her saying she wanted to hear it straight from her mil and then says she lying, that was enough information. The mil doesn't have to do anything or explain herself. What a d****e daughter in law. The nerve of some people.
Marnie 2 months ago (edited)
I almost always agree with the various voices of reason in the BP comments. But this time, I don't. I don't know that OP handled it quite as diplomatically as she could have. But that aside, I think MOST people would feel left out and hurt if a MIL made a special thing like this for all her kids except one, just because they don't have kids. I bet the grandkids themselves don't give more than one hoot about this quilt (though they might when they are older). The quit is for the kids right now, not the grandkids. Why purposefully leave out one of her kids? She could have just filled in with colored squares. I would say DEMANDING a quilt is entitled. But feeling hurt and left out and expressing it is not. Seems a reasonable response to me.
Load More Replies... Rika 2 months ago
What are those dogs' hobbies ? Playing fetch and licking their b*lls ? Crazy dog mom gotta realize her dogs aren't kids, it's her right to treat them as such, but she shouldn't expect MIL to do the same. Those quilts are made for grandchildren, not for dogs who'll most likely tear it to pieces because it has no value to them - because they're *dogs* and don't care about stuff like that. (Also, OP calling it a kitschy thing she'd like to decorate her hipster house shows she doesn't care about its sentimental value either.)
greenideas 2 months ago
OP didn't say the quilts were for the dogs, but their dogs could feature on the quilts (which would be for humans). MIL twisted it around and said she wasn't going to make it for the dogs, which wasn't the intention at all. I think the quilts are just the straw that broke the camels back, and there is much more favoristism to be discovered if we scratch the surface. Yes, OP acted rude and entitled - she should have taken the hint that she wasn't as high in the family hierarchy because she didn't squat and pop out a kid, and not demanded anything form MIL.
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