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“It Gets Better”: 30 Lies People In This Online Group Convinced Themselves To Believe In To Feel Better About Life
Unfortunately (or not), life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Being alive inevitably means getting used to stuff not turning out quite the way we planned, misfortune happening for no particular reason, losing loved ones, getting lost, and plenty of other things most of us aren't that thrilled about. However, that "getting used to" and accepting reality for what it is has its challenges.
Recently, Reddit user mynameisnotbecky1 asked fellow community members "What is an untruth people tell themselves to feel better about life or the world they live in?" The post received quite a bit of attention and, as of now, has over 13k answers and almost 30k upvotes. With that being said, Bored Panda invites you to look through some of the best comments we managed to find.
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There's a few but the main one I tell myself if that the people who hurt me are also hurting. As a kid I thought people bullied each other because their lives sucked, and then I realized my life also sucked and I didn't treat other people like that so what was their excuse
"looks don't matter"
I've noticed that this is generally said by attractive people, and people who have never struggled in dating
I believe looks matter as a first impression for sure!! We are all attracted by the looks at first we can't help it cause we don't know anything about the other person! But wait until that extremely good looking person opens the mouth and says: "well, i don't really believe in vaccines and this staff"
People always get what's coming to them.
The reality is that sometimes the people who tormented you all those years ago are likely living pretty good lives.
Yeah, I don't really believe in karma. If there was karma, how come so many really good people get screwed?
Money can’t buy happiness.
Don’t have a house, job, and are starving? Don’t worry, just because you’re poor, doesn’t mean that having a mansion, 5 course meals, or a six digit salary will make you happier!
A positive attitude will make you physically better. As a chick with cancer, I get the “just have the positive attitude” advice a lot … which always irked me. No one who feels like c**p wants to fake a positive mindset to make others feel better. My fave response to someone telling me that (again) was actually from a nurse in the room who said: “Please! I’m seen a whole lot of true b****es survive cancer.” That nurse is forever my hero.
Toxic positivity diminishes the seriousness and weight of whatever your going through.
I've had it said to me before. It's condescending and really means that the person doesn't want to hear about your struggles.
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A positive attitude won't make anything better on its own, but it does help motivate you to do the things that will improve the situation as much as it can be improved... and if you despair you will do nothing. A positive attitude has value, which you'll never learn about from idiots who believe that positive thinking is magical.
A positive attitude or positive thinking CAN be "magical" in some cases, however, only if it is truly felt and not faked. That is why telling other people "Just think positive!" is absolutely NOT helpful - if you, on the other hand, decide for yourself to focus more on the bright side it will indeed improve things to a certain degree (It still cannot beat karma, though)...
Load More Replies... My father seriously claimed that if someone dies from cancer, it’s their own fault because 'if someone truly wants to beat cancer, they will'. I lost the last shred of respect for him at that moment.
Sounds like something my great grandpa would say. My family has a running joke that he's too stubborn to die; he's had like 4 cancers so far.
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That nurse is awesome. You don't have to fake anything make other feel better. But don't make yourself feel worse if you are struggling also mentally. I've seen people who survived cancer just to live rest of their lives literally being paralyzed because they didn't know what to do. They thought they won't survive and couldn't move any further, one I know is living 10 years like that. If you feel down and depressive you should get help, for noone else, just you, because you deserve the best you can get.
I think this is a case of misdirected well meaning, but there have been observational studies that show a correlation between people who are positive they are going to get better (not happy, smiling, just "I AM going to get through this", even if it's through sheer stubbornness) and those who are defeatist ("this is going to kill me"). And they were both right. It's more about optimism and pessimism rather than positivity.
Yes, I believe the stubbornness is true. Like I said above, my 78 year old great grandpa has had around 4 different cancers. He's still alive, as far as I know. Manipulative old crow. We pushed him out of our lives long ago.
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Okay hear me out. I think this is said for people (like me) who can actually get sick from thinking too much or stressing out or get anxious or depressed by the s**t going on in their lives. I’ve tried to change my attitude and seen a lot of change for the better. In that sense, yes, a positive attitude does help.
I think that “advice” could be changed to telling people to just not give up. People who give up tend to go downhill fast, so just keep trying. But when you know you’re done, be classy about it and make sure all your ducks are in a row.
i dont have cancer but i do have epilepsy and bc of it i cant drive, i might not b able to have kids (thats still an unknown), its part of the reason i cant work and ive got more doctors and meds then i can keep up with. it ruined my life wen puberty triggered it at 13. everyone said to stay positive itll b ok. how can a girl with anxeity finding out she now has epilepsy stay positive all it did was make me more anxious and cause temporary depression. i tried the positive attitude thing but it never helped me with my situation all it did was cover up how i was really feeling. having a positive attitude wen u take a test, have a sports game, school play, job interview, 1st day on the job etc thats wen a positive attitude can help. saying stay positive to someone with a medical condition with no cure or a medical condition that leaves u taking a med cocktail ur whole life ya no. i wish i could go back to having my epilepsy dormant and nonactive but no medication can make that happen and as far as i kno there is no cure for it either. normal life isnt something i get to enjoy so positive attitude wont help as long as i kno that.
I know some forms of epilepsy can be helped by neurosurgery... Katie Hopkins (UK Media person who spends most of her time offending people) had her severe epilepsy cured by surgery but she was seizing 4 times a night and ending up seriously injured (constantly dislocating parts). It was also a part of her brain which could be operated on. I suppose yours is not in that category? Or there are other treatments such as vagus nerve stimulation or deep brain stimulation. I'm sure you are already well aware of these treatments and they've been ruled out but, well, you never know.
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i think the positive thinking is about being sick and crying about will not help you recover faster either, being sick and trying to live your life as well as posible on the other side will dampen that feeling bad about being sick ... (recovering after 2 broken hands and living alone here, week 9)
I am currently suffering from crushing fatigue which is being investigated by my doctor. I literally cannot get out of bed some days and I constantly get 'just get out there and enjoy yourself you'll feel better. Get some exercise...' Like it's just THAT easy. I'm not lazy, I'm not depressed, my internal battery is just literally drained constantly.
My mom doesn't say this, but she does say that complaining doesn't accomplish anything and she's right.
"yeah just be happy and the tumour will jump right off and hop onto a depressed person"
Yeah. I found it really weird when I was in cancer treatment too. It felt like the message was if I don't get better it might be my fault for not having a good enough attitude.
sometimes its better to just feel like crap for a bit and cry it out, its exhausting being positive all the time
faking positivity is emotionally and mentally draining, which will make you feel worse in the long run.
I'll take positivity over negativity every time. Clearly you don't tell a cancer patient to cheer up!, thats simple common sense. Negativity has never been a good outlook, ever.
The only person who feels better are the jerks who say that. They can't deal with what you're going through and how crappy and terrifying it is. Ya right. If the drugs for nausea and vomiting don't work, it helps to have a positive attitude while your barfing so hard for so long your muscles hurt. Yep. It helps to have a positive attitude when the mouth ulcers are so painful you can't eat, drink or talk. Yep. It helps to have a positive attitude when your so exhausted it takes all you've got just to get to the bathroom. Yep. You need to have a positive attitude when you have breast cancer and the chemo you're getting makes your nails turn black and fall off. A positive attitude will make all of that so much easier. As a nurse, if I was in a room where someone said that, in my head I'd be thinking "Shut the F Up. You know nothing"
I try not to diminish my son's misery, I try to let him know that I will help him work through things as he needs it and listen when he wants it. Helping a person be positive isn't about just saying "Buck up little camper" it's about helping them identify what is causing it and being a shoulder to cry on when they can't figure it out. Usually, when I see my son struggling, I get him in the car, go for a drive and work it out through talking and listening. So when he comes up to me and says "Can we go for a drive?" I know he wants to talk about something serious. He's a great person and upbeat most of the time, but I don't expect smiles and happiness 24/7. That's just a ridiculous expectation.
As someone living with disability and chronic illness, I can tell you that having a positive attitude may not make you physically better, but dwelling on misery and being grumpy and bitchy sure doesn't either. Acknowledge that life is crap right now, then find something to enjoy in life anyway - listen to music, watch a movie, ask for a hug. It won't magically make everything better, but it can make right now a little more endurable.
Had a doctor tell me I had a chronic illness and to shut up and live with it. I asked him if it was okay if I broke both his legs and told him to walk it off.
Ew. I would never say that to someone with any illness or health issue.
A positive attitude can help with everyday things. Cancer is something no-one wants to have. You simply want to be cancer-free for an entire lifetime. A positive attitude can at best contribute to mentally dealing with it, but in the end you just want to get rid of cancer and go back to normal life. Attitude has little influence on that.
There is someone out there for everyone. Not everyone finds their partner, there is no rule love must follow.
"If I only get this over with , everything is going to be easy!"
Life never runs out of waves to shake you. But while it isn't easy, you do learn to surf better.
Im not an alcoholic , it's not an addiction i can stop whenever i want .. it's just party , birthday, Wednesday or whatever i earned this one and next one !
being like that for 22 years, coming from heavily alcoholic home , sobered up few years ago and it was by far best decision of my life !
"I am going to tell/live MY truth." Your truth is just an excuse for your actions just or not. It's not the objective truth.
Everything happens for a reason
Ugh. I hate this one so much. Same as “it’s gods plan” Like it was Gods plan for children to be molested? Or Oopsie, His bad, the Holocaust didn’t go as planned? What is the reason for horrible things to happen to innocent lives?
“If I fall asleep right now I’ll get X-hours of sleep.”
You’re gonna be awake for a while, honey.
This is so me. I just want more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. Brain, please, just stop and let me sleep!
That there used to be "The good ole days" when in fact there never was.
Crime doesn’t pay. I know someone that embezzled over $1 million and got probation and has to pay back less than 10% restitution
Religion does more good than bad
Religion is both the reason and the excuse for just about every war that has been fought.
I believe that every single person (me included) think that they are a bit smarter than what they truly are.
Wisdom comes with age.
I have encountered SO many people old enough to be my mum or dad but who act like they're thirteen.
It gets better.
10 years later and you still tell yourself that.
That the majority of people have a good soul and a good heart.
I tell myself this all the time. I’m constantly proven wrong. In reality, the majority of people are selfish and unkind, especially when it comes to other people.
If that were truly the case civilisation would not have survived. The margin may be small, but on balance more people have to be altruistic in order for society to function. Yes, everyone is selfish, but that doesn't mean everyone is unkind. If everyone, *everyone* you meet is unkind, either you are (sub) consciously only remembering the unkind and forgetting the kind, or at worst neutral, OR the common factor is you.
I just saw Dear Evan Hansen. It's way off base when it comes to mental illness and personality disorders, but it comes as no surprise that it was such a hit on Broadway. It leans heavily on all the myths people want to believe. The truth is that reaching out to your family or friends often doesn't help because they have no idea how to help you or might even be partly responsible for your trauma. For some people, depression and anxiety are intractable even with the best possible treatment. Some people are constitutionally incapable of empathy and will always harm those around them
The thruth is that most pwople dont even make the effort or want to help. Most dont want to be around unsuccessful, ill or depresed people because they get uncomfortable. They shut us up with toxic positivity (you have so many options, others have it worse), indiference, attacks (you are being too begative) or they simply leave you
If you just work hard it’ll all work out in end
No it doesn't. I'm so glad for the uprise of workers not just settling. We need to remember to work to live, not live to work.
That the good times we have now --cheap and available gasoline, food in abundance, even pleasant weather-- can continue indefinitely. We will run out of Nitrogen for crop growth, we will exhaust the available crude oil, climate change will catch up with us. Our grandkids will not have the plentiful resources we have enjoyed for decades, period.
For adults specifically: doing your best = success. Don’t get me wrong, doing your best is something to be proud of, but doing your best without preparation/dedication/practice leads to nowhere
Doing your best=somewhere better than where you're at now, even if it's just by 0.001%*
I live for my loved ones. I lost my wife during childbirth and 4 months later my daughter passed away from a heart condition that was inoperable
That the world is just. Karma is a b***h. What’s coming to them. Etc.
“There is light at the end of the tunnel”. Life is the journey inside that tunnel. Sometimes that journey gets hard, other times it gets easier, but we will never reach that light. The idea of a perfect place does not exist, because life itself is not perfect as we always have something to complain about.
God has a plan
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Save the best for last. You might end up filling up your stomach or depleting your energy to the limit before you get to your favourite thing.
Good things come to those who wait. Or that if something's not working out right now, it's because something better is in the works for you. Didn't get the job you really wanted? Something better is coming along! Didn't work out with your partner? Something better is coming along! There are no guarantees in life. Sometimes things work out the way you want them to, and sometimes they don't. There's peace in accepting that.
Everybody wants to feel good about themselves and their lives and it can be really hard. I think younger people are really self-critical and hard on themselves and that makes me sad. They are living in one of the most economically and politically challenging worlds we've ever had and a lot of older people do nothing but piss on them. Celebrate all your small wins and small achievements. Start there. Brushed your hair today? Tick. Showered? Tick. Cleaned teeth? Tick. Said something nice to another human being? Tick. Finished a chore. Tick. Paid a bill. Tick. Faced a messy cupboard and sorted part of it. Tick. Did something nice for yourself. Tick. This stuff REALLY matters and you can love on yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks.
#1 "If I post on reddit I will be automatically smart and socially relevant."
Obese people me they're happy wth their weight/looks. I'm not, I was never, it sucks on every level and I don't believe you. Change is just too hard for you.
They deserve that money. Their loved one was murdered by a (so-called) public servant on camera. We *all* watched him die. We *all* are a part of the system that allowed it to happen. We f*****g owe them something that cannot ever be repaid.
Load More Replies... Save the best for last. You might end up filling up your stomach or depleting your energy to the limit before you get to your favourite thing.
Good things come to those who wait. Or that if something's not working out right now, it's because something better is in the works for you. Didn't get the job you really wanted? Something better is coming along! Didn't work out with your partner? Something better is coming along! There are no guarantees in life. Sometimes things work out the way you want them to, and sometimes they don't. There's peace in accepting that.
Everybody wants to feel good about themselves and their lives and it can be really hard. I think younger people are really self-critical and hard on themselves and that makes me sad. They are living in one of the most economically and politically challenging worlds we've ever had and a lot of older people do nothing but piss on them. Celebrate all your small wins and small achievements. Start there. Brushed your hair today? Tick. Showered? Tick. Cleaned teeth? Tick. Said something nice to another human being? Tick. Finished a chore. Tick. Paid a bill. Tick. Faced a messy cupboard and sorted part of it. Tick. Did something nice for yourself. Tick. This stuff REALLY matters and you can love on yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks.
#1 "If I post on reddit I will be automatically smart and socially relevant."
Obese people me they're happy wth their weight/looks. I'm not, I was never, it sucks on every level and I don't believe you. Change is just too hard for you.
They deserve that money. Their loved one was murdered by a (so-called) public servant on camera. We *all* watched him die. We *all* are a part of the system that allowed it to happen. We f*****g owe them something that cannot ever be repaid.
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