Woman Gets Called A “Psycho” For Uninviting Her SIL From Her Wedding As She Tried On Her Wedding Dress And Accidentally Ruined It
Wedding stories are a separate kind of folklore, and one could collect them and shoot an absolutely amazing action-packed TV show like American Crime Story. Just imagine: American Wedding Story with a selection of the most incredible plots – and, what is most interesting, the writers do not even have to invent them, just come and take from real life.
In fact, a wedding, of course, is one of the most important days in any person’s life, but the very preparation for it is often very nerve-wracking and restless. Of course, the newlyweds want everything to go perfectly, without the slightest issues, and very few people get through all the stages of this process completely calmly.
For example, a similar story happened to user u/Both_Ad8736, whose post on the AITA Reddit community has already gained 8.2K upvotes and about 1.8K different comments. The heroine of this story is a bride-to-be, and this plot would be perfect as a pilot episode of our possible American Wedding Story show. So let’s talk about everything in order…
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a SIL “Kate” whom she actually never got along with
Image credits: Jan Kalab (not the actual image)
The author of the post is about to get married, and one of the guests at her upcoming wedding was supposed to be her SIL, “Kate”. The Original Poster honestly admits that she and Kate never got along with one another, and explains this, for instance, by the fact that Kate is really possessive of her mother, kind of competitive. Moreover, sometimes it seems to the woman that her mother even loves Kate more than her own daughter.
Image credits: u/Both_Ad8736
The bride’s mother promised to give her her own bridal gown in which she herself got married many years ago
Leading up to the wedding, the OP agreed with her mother that she would give her her bridal gown, in which she herself got married many years ago. The woman says that the dress is very beautiful, custom made, with openwork beaded embroidery, and she looks incredibly impressive in it. The OP was looking forward to her appearance at the ceremony in this beautiful gown, and therefore the news from her mom upset her incredibly.
Image credits: u/Both_Ad8736
It turned out that one day, mom asked Kate to try the dress on and then the SIL accidentally spilled her smoothie on it
The mother said that Kate had come over one day, and she asked the daughter-in-law to try on that very dress. Kate agreed, put it on – and at that moment, she had a sudden seizure (Kate has epilepsy), so she spilled her smoothie on the dress and damaged it heavily.
Image credits: Shawn Allen (not the actual image)
To say that the OP was grossed out would be an understatement. Despite the fact that her mother swore to her that she would take the gown to the tailor and have it cleaned and restored before the wedding, the bride’s mood deteriorated irrevocably. Mom explained that it was sentimental as it was her dress first, so she just wanted to see Kate in it and she asked the SIL to try it on to take some photos, but that didn’t calm the OP at all.
Image credits: u/Both_Ad8736
The bride-to-be was so indignant that she banned Kate from coming to her wedding though all the relatives criticized her for doing so
The woman was outraged to such an extent that she canceled Kate’s invitation to the upcoming wedding – even though she understood that she could not blame Kate for having a medical condition. And yet the resentment remained, and the bride-to-be refused to change her mind, even though Kate herself eventually called her “psycho”, her brother was upset and decided she’s being cruel, and mom once again reminded her it was initially her own dress, and she herself had asked Kate to try it on.
Image credits: Avinash Bhat (not the actual image)
It could be that the woman just has some problems in the relationship with her mom – probably going back to her childhood
“I think in this situation, the problem is not the dress at all – rather, the gown became a kind of trigger in the relationship between the daughter, mother and Kate,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, who was asked by Bored Panda to comment on this story. “Probably, this woman has some kind of psychological trauma about her relationship with her mother – for example, going back to childhood.”
“This happens, for example, if in childhood or adolescence the girl lacked maternal attention – or her brother got it more. Accordingly, now she is unconsciously jealous of her mother’s relationship with another woman and takes out these psychological problems on her. In my opinion, the author of this story would be helped by an appeal to a psychoanalyst in order to make her attitude towards mom a bit healthier. And just talking to mother would also not hurt,” says Irina Matveeva.
Commenters’ opinions on this particular case divided and a massive discussion started
Many people in the comments actually agree with an expert. For example, commenters just don’t understand why the Original Poster blames Kate at all when it was her mother who asked the woman to try on the dress. Moreover, according to some people in the comments, it sounds like the problem is more with the OP’s mom than Kate.
Other commenters do believe that since the dress was promised to the bride-to-be, it was simply unfair for the mom to ask Kate to try it on. And the SIL herself could have politely but adamantly declined the request as well. And now it turns out that the relationship with the sister-in-law has finally deteriorated, and the bride’s brother will not come to her wedding either. In any case, commenters strongly recommend that the OP buy herself a new wedding gown.
As we have already said, there are a lot of incredible wedding stories out there, and if you’re interested, you can also check out this post of ours about the wedding guest who was the only one not allowed to have a +1 by the newlyweds, or about the groom who kicked his mother out of the wedding because she came with his former in-laws. We also look forward to your comments on this story, because it’s always interesting and exciting to have lots of people’s opinions.
I wonder why anyone trying on a wedding dress has a smoothie in their hand. It was deliberate. No one holds a drink of any kind near a pure while dress. SIL knew what she was doing. Stick to your plan, keep her uninvited
I know. I don't buy that "accidentally spilled" story for an instant. SIL is a spiteful brat, out to ruin OP's special day, with MIL's blessing. It's bad enough having to deal with an annoying in-law. When your own parents not only won't back you up, but aid and abet the offender, that REALLY sucks. OP is right about uninviting SIL; everyone who supports her pettiness can also uninvite themselves. OP should definitely give her mother her wedding dress back and buy her own, WITHOUT her mother present. If Mother Dearest complains, OP should ignore her and carry on, and not let her or SIL anywhere near her new dress, before or after the wedding. Spite is like a rattlesnake; you can put it in a cage and treat it like a beloved pet. But the very first time you drop your guard and turn your back on it, you automatically become its next victim.
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Honestly, I think the biggest problem (that many seem to be overlooking or ignoring) is that: Kate was holding a drink while trying on a wedding dress that wasn't hers, knowing full well that she had a history of seizures. Even if she hadn't had a history of seizures, she shouldn't have been holding a drink while trying on a wedding dress that wasn't hers. Anything that can potentially stain a dress shouldn't ever be anywhere near a wedding dress (especially if it isn't yours); food, drink, paint, etc. It's weird that the mom wanted Kate to try on the dress; why not ask her own daughter to try on the dress? I understand that the OP has hard feelings against Kate and feels like she's being pushed aside, and this incident has spoiled her feelings towards the dress. She wanted something special just between her and her mother... and that was ruined. I think her calling it 'creepy' was just her struggling to find the words to express her feelings about it.
Disease aside it sure sounds like Kate had an agenda!! She just happen to have the seizure at the right time. Not implying she has control over that but how do we know she had one and didn't spill it on purpose and faked the rest?? Plus I wouldn't put it past the Mom to lie and cover for Kate! Kate was jealous she didn't get to wear mommy's dress. No other explanation.
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I don't get why she would want to try it on when she's already married and why would you have a smoothie in your hand when trying it on? Sounds deliberate to me but I'm Pretty cynical. I never had any type of drink in my hand while trying on my wedding dress and spilled punch on it the day I got married so I think you are in the right here. Mom should be ashamed of how she's acting and SIL should get over herself.
Surprised that your SIL gets a pass from some of these comments. Your SIL was already married so she already knows how she looks in a wedding dress. So there was no reason to try it on. 2nd she's not a 3 year old, trying it on with food of any kind is just so irresponsible, seizure or no seizure. You are the bride to be she's not. Too much emphasis is placed on the seizure quite frankly. She tried it on with a drink in her hand BEFORE the seizure. She's to blame. That dress on your wedding day would've given you memories of your mum on her wedding day. It's more than a piece of clothing. Your SIL' s irresponsible act destroyed it. Yes it's your mums dress but YOU are her daughter to whom she wants to gift it to not the SIL. NTA. Your disinvite is warranted.
Not the a*****e. The dress was reserved for the op. That was a planned dress. Nobody should have worn it being so close to the wedding day. S**t happens and they should have known this when she allowed her to wear it. Especially wearing an important dress while irresponsibly holding a drink. Is the sister a moron? Now it became a last second thing to find a dress not ruined. People calling you ta are the asses themselves. The OP was set up shortly before the wedding and had to rush because the family screwed her
Promises are made to not be broken. Your mother promised you the dress for your wedding, so she should have taken great care to make sure the dress was ready for you. Your sister-in-law was wrong to try on the dress, regardless of your mother wanting her to or not. Her medical condition is something that she was aware of, so she should not have had the beverage anywhere near your dress. I suggest you find a different dress to wear, so you will not have unpleasant thoughts about the promised dress.
I can't imagine what her mother was thinking? Taking photos of Kate in the dress before her daughter actually wore it at her wedding. So her daughter didn't get to have special photos in her mom's dress. It's hardly special if everyone does it first. This would have made me mad at my mom if the dress wasn't ruined. She has pictures of Kate in Kate's wedding dress. Idk why she had to spoil it for her daughter. Her mom is all to blame and Kate either has no self awareness or enjoys doing things to aggravate her Sil.
Dump Kate/Mom/and the dress and enjoy your day. Your Dad needs to stop making excuses for his selfish wife. If she loves Kate so much she could have let her wear the dress 4 years ago. Notice she didnt! She saved it for her real daughter and then purposely ruined the whole thing. Something is wrong with this woman. Creepy doesn't begin to cover it. Who tries on wedding dresses with a drink anywhere near them!! This was on purpose.
I agree. Dump Kate AND mom. Mom is a grown up in her 40s or 50s, or older. There are no excuses for being an awful parent like this. You don't stop being a parent - ever.
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No it's really weird that a person who has seizures is holding a smoothy and trying on a wedding dress they didn't want for there own wedding she knew what she was doing it's sounds like the movie orphan to me tryna knock off the real kids and the mom is dumb a*s rocks she's weird and empty headed for that my a*s sister has seizures and wouldn't be holding nothing especially while trying on a wedding dress no one would do that they better see if she has medical proof of these seizures some people are possessive and weird and will do anything to stick there claws in even need up and mother and daughter relationship
I think that the OP should have 100% of her finances' support and together they meet with the mom AND dad. OP needs to explain why this was so awful - without interruption. I also feel there is much more to the dynamics of this family. I dont believe this is the first instance of moms and kates weirdness. Wheres Kates husband?.
Load More Replies... The AH's are: OP's brother. Where is he in all of this his wife is causing problems. The mom: she sounds stupid and repulsive quite frankly. A parents favorite children should be her own. We are only hearing about these few incidents. If the mom is, as dad states, socially awkward and has never had friends, then there would have been all kinds of situations over the years especially when the OP and her brother were in school. And aren't we all a little socially awkward? As a mom it doesn't matter how old your children are - you're still the parent. This mom is a repulsive parent of whom people are making excuses for. Yuck. The biggest AH. Kate: when you have a seizure disorder why are you drinking a smoothie while trying on a very special dress? And find your own friends. And read the room. The dad: telling his daughter about her wedding dress- "just let it go. Your mom is like that."
I am quite cynical, but why would you have a smoothie near someone's wedding dress? That seems like it was an intentional " accident".
In my eyes, from the comments and OP's replies, the only thing that really happened was the mom getting a slice of karma. Since she was only allowed to "borrow" said wedding dress (she specified that she was allowed to use it as long as she gave it back), the mom ruined her own wedding dress, or the SIL ruined the mom's wedding dress. Tough luck on them, I'd buy my own, that was within my budget and leave them out of the shopping process. Also, my own (estranged) mother has severe epilepsy, and she has faked having seizures for attention. (She has a lot of issues I don't want to go into). I hope no one else does this, but it can happen - not saying that is the case here. Just....something seems off with the story. Ultimately, the mom is the AH of this one.
I don't understand this... how does one try on any clothes with a drink in their hand? You spill in a store you buy that garment. I would say eff all the wedding plans and get hitched in Vegas or something, screw everyone. I got married on a mountain top with my dad, FIL, aand a couple of friends. Mom, MIL and step mom weren't invited due to known drama outbursts. My step mom is the chillest but didn't invite due to drama of "being left out"
If it bothers you, buy your own dress. Then tell your mom, dad, SIL and brother to pound sand. Then you brother and SIL can renew their vows and SHE can wear it and YOU and hubby can stay away.
OP said that Kate rarely has seizures so what a freak accident this was to happen. Her to have a seizure whilst trying on the wedding dress and having a smoothie. What I think happened was she tried on the dress, spilled the smoothie on the dress. The seizure is just an excuse just to look innocent here.
It's... a piece of clothing. I don't understand the "creepy" part. I think it's creepy to put so much importance on an article of clothing.
That's fine for you. Youre the author of your life. The OP is the author of her life and has an emotional investment in this dress. You don't have to like it.
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The wierd thing here is mother's wish to see another woman in her daughter's wedding dress. It looks like she loves that other woman more than her own daughter. Like she subconsciously wants to replace her daughter with that other. Really creepy! I am a mother and I cannot imagine how can someone love other man/woman more than their own flesh and blood. If I were in bride's place I would uninvite from wedding both mother and "Kate" and choose another wedding dress just like my mother replaced me with another "daughter". Their behaviour is a huge red flag for the future. Kate is as fault as the mother because she agreed to go with it and honestly I don't believe in the story where someone tries on a white dress with a liquid near it. It's look like they conspired to ruin the dress just to prevent the bride to wear it on her wedding day. Really mean and vicious!
Op has a problem with both of them I don't understand why no one sees that, imo op isn't TA the other two are for not thinking ahead of time about the in laws medical condition and what could happen with the smoothie, both of them seems to be disregarding ops feelings and the mom needs to show op that she doesn't like the dil more than her in stead of crying and saying she doesn't.
NTA. BUT, is Kate 6 years old? How can an adult be so irresponsible to be holding a drink while trying on a dress? Obviously your mom probably shouldn't have offered it to her to try on. I would not be "uninviting" anyone to the wedding. The scars from that will last a long time. You, mom and SIL have issues to work thru. Why don't you see how the dress looks after it comes back from the cleaners. Which your mom should be doing immediately. The longer that stain stays on the dress, the harder it will be to get it out. So stay on top of your mom until she does it. Then wear the dress as you planned.
ESH . OP is obviously jealous, but at the same time, why was there food/liquid anywhere near the dress to begin with? The mango smoothie shouldn't have been in the same room. The SIL and Mom seriously f*cked up there.
Nobody knows why kate was holding the drink. It's possible the mother handed her her drink while she was adjusting the dress. Everybody seems to be blowing this way out of proportion with way too little information.
Either this story is fake or that was a very concinient seizure and mother is very concinient mom is so "socially akward" with everyone on this big blue planet EXCEPT this one particular little girl she feels like she can save and be a rock for. I say uninvite them both, get a new dress, have a blast and if a mother can call her daughter psycho over having emotions about terror on the happiest day of her life she's probably worth cutting off. It seems like they have connection issues anyways and this woman obviously isn't able to reach out. I don't blame Kate for having a seizure. I blame her for being utterly careless and no etiquette, self awareness, and general rule of thumb
Seems really fishy to me that she "accidently " spills a drink on the dress while she was trying it on. Then all of a sudden, she has an epileptic fit. Very convenient for her...??? Buy a different dress but say nothing to anyone about it. Maybe her and your mom can bond together when you uninvite mom. Because since she is her favorite let them go somewhere other than the wedding. What does your groom say?
I find it so bizarre that people would un-invite their own family members over a dress. I know wedding dresses are a big deal to some people, but are they the most important part of a wedding? are they the reason you are getting married? ugh. Weddings make people lose their minds.
Okay, I can understand she had a seizure and its' not her fault she has epilepsia, I can almost understand trying on a dress to take pictures(doubtful decision, but ok), but what I can't understand - how the f**k did the smoothie get there? If you are wearing other people's clothes, let alone a wedding dress, you need to stay away from everything that can damage it - drinks, oil, paint. This part doesn't sound like an accident at all.
It is your mom's dress: she could let whoever she wants try it on. That being said, your mother has some issues she needs to work on, including her relationship with you. Have you ever considered your mother is playing SIL off on you and vice versa? Head games? Go buy yourself your own dress, reinvite SIL( be the bigger person) have YOUR day, then keep mom and SIL at a safe mental-healthwise distance and observe them for a while. You might be very surprised at what you learn.
Honestly I'm really taken back but just overall fact the mom wanted how pretty the SIL was in the dress and wanted to take photos. Because it's not her wedding, it's not her mom.That takes away from the daughters own wedding photos. And the special meaning of saving her dress for kid. Like image she didn't ruin the dress and mom saved photos of SIL on her phone. I'd be pretty upset. Plus you can't tell me if someone is wearing your wedding dress taking photos and drinking ( probably wine because everything else comes out) with your mom and your not around. They probably talking s**t about you. It's not her fault she had seizure. But she & your mom crossed you way before ruining the dress.
am i the only one who thinks the seizure never actually happened and they are just claiming it did to get away with it?
This is one of those are you, are you not situations. Yes because I don't think uninviting her was the way to go especially since it was your mother who really is at fault here. And No because I damn sure I wouldn't like someone putting on my wedding dress and have photos taken BEFORE I got to wear it. SO my solution would have been to get another dress, one of your very own instead of uninviting her. I know that is not the cheaper option and may be hard to do but this way you get your own peace of mind that it is YOUR dress, your control on it. Plus who the hell wants photos of your SIL wearing your wedding dress....matchy matchy "wedding" photos...weird as F...
They're both at fault...the mother for goading her into trying it on, and Kate for agreeing with a drink in her hand! Why didn't she put the drink aside??😒
I think the OP is the one that is possessive of her mom. After all, her SIL is now her mom's daughter too and you can love all of your children equally. And, if her mom likes SIL so much more why didn't she give her the wedding dress? Sounds more like she was saving it for her "real" daughter. Then when she realized she'd never see this prized treasure on her SIL she wanted to take a quick picture. As for the SIL it's kind of an AH move to drink ANYTHING while trying on a wedding dress someone else is going to wear. But, it wasn't malicious if the story is true. I don't think the mother or SIL are AHs here and I think OP is clearly jealous if the bind those two have, is being petty about it, and is taking it out her jealousy and issues with her mom giving love and attention to someone else out on her SIL. She is being a Psycho. If the dress comes back clean then who cares. No harm no foul.
Kate trying in the dress is one thing, but WHY would she have a beverage anywhere near it? No way this was an accident. So now Kate will have her way and get the newly cleaned dress from her MIL. The mom and Kate are both weird AHs.
I agree with the commenter that she should buy her own dress. Mom will no doubt feel hurt, but as she'd pointed out, 'her dress', her rules. Holding a smoothie while wearing it was thoughtless. Put. Down. The. Drink. I'm proof that you don't have to be epileptic to spill on yourself. Weddings are emotional times, though. My SiL wasn't happy that she had to invite me or my other SiL, but as both our husbands/her sibs were in the wedding party... lowbrowing it a tad, especially making sure we were seated so far from the wedding table we were nearly outside. And neither of us had done anything to her clothes!
Invite the SIL. Buy another dress without notifying your family. Don't include them in any further event planning. I hope they aren't paying for this wedding. Who knows what else they may try to sabotage.
I don't get why she's so upset. The dress is going to be professionally cleaned at no cost to her. Sounds like OP has mommy issues, doesn't like SIL and is looking for a reason to be angry and play victim.
I really don’t get how Kate was so stupid that she would drink a mango smoothie while wearing somebody’s wedding garb. The mother is an idiot too
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She should have refused to try the dress on. Your mother could have waited for you to come over and took pics of YOU wearing her dress. And who holds a smoothie when trying on clothes. I would go buy the dress of my dreams and ban both of them because clearly your mom is replacing you with becky.You should feed them both with a long handled spoon.
As many people pointed out, it might be deliberate. I mean, sure, maybe SIL accidentally knocked smoothie off the table while having seizure, but it still does not explain, why was smoothie anywhere near wedding dress. Sounds like there is more issues than just damaged dress.
What I expected from the title: My SIL/future SIL tried on the brand-new dress I bought for my wedding. What I feel like I read: My mom is loaning me her dress, it isn't being gifted me. My mom loves my brother's wife Kate like a second daughter, and asked Kate to try it on for photos before it was in my possession. A drink got accidentally spilt, so I found out, now I'm feeling violated and creeped out because Kate once wore dress. Okaaay then, let's unpick this. If OP had an issue with anyone wearing her wedding dress before her, OP should have bought new or should similarly uninvite mom, since she wore the dress first. Mom had every right to allow Kate to try on her own wedding dress. Having a drink near the dress was a mistake, but unless someone isn't being fully truthful it seems neither of them saw the risk at the time. OP herself calls it an accident. OP seems to be blaming Kate for trying the dress on, but not her mom for asking. It seems OP already had an issue with Kate.
Jesus Christ, no. Kate is not her sister nor was she thrown under a bus. She is a jealous, nasty, manipulative woman who seems to be willfully driving a wedge between OP and her mother because her own mother is garbage. If her relationship with OP mattered to her, she would have told the mother no to trying on someone else's dress (mom may technically own it, but this was OP'S wedding dress and Kate knew that). Kate would also try to include OP in things she does with OP'S mother. She isn't interested in a relationship with OP; she's decided this is her "mother" and OP is actively being pushed out. The mother isn't socially awkward, she's an a*****e and that's why she has no friends. Nothing to honor The example OP should show is that she's done with their b******t and uninvite both of them. Why does she have to have 2 assholes who have gone out of their way to exclude her, treat her like c**p, and ruin her dress at her wedding? Nah, they can stay home and play dress up.
Load More Replies... I hear that, but... OP had already told mom that she feels mom is setting her aside for Kate. Mom asking Kate to wear the dress knowing that, with OP's wedding coming up, feels a little weird. I don't think anything was done on purpose, and I don't think OP should uninvite Kate, but I do think another chat with mom is in order. Just to honestly express what she's feeling and maybe figure out how to navigate this newish family dynamic.
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If you're trying on a dress that has been promised to someone else so close to the wedding why would you be drinking something that could potentially ruin it?
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Wow. So shes entirely at fault for feeling like her mom is putting aside her and her feelings for someone else? Besides, if you know you have a medical condition like epilepsy, why would you be holding a drink while trying on something so important? Everyones saying Kate has no fault here, but that isnt exactly true is it? Epilepsy has just becomes Kates excuse to get away with such entitlement at this point.
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It's a sentementail thing. Her mother told her she could have the dress for her wedding, and the day that she was going to pick it up her mother had her sister in law try it on and let her have a drink in hand while it was on. The thing about wedding dresses is that they are super expensive, and a lot of women may want to use their mother's dress as an heirloom. Needless to say, the only type of drink that should be anywhere near a wedding dress is water, because it won't stain the dress like, say, a smoothie.
Load More Replies... I wonder why anyone trying on a wedding dress has a smoothie in their hand. It was deliberate. No one holds a drink of any kind near a pure while dress. SIL knew what she was doing. Stick to your plan, keep her uninvited
I know. I don't buy that "accidentally spilled" story for an instant. SIL is a spiteful brat, out to ruin OP's special day, with MIL's blessing. It's bad enough having to deal with an annoying in-law. When your own parents not only won't back you up, but aid and abet the offender, that REALLY sucks. OP is right about uninviting SIL; everyone who supports her pettiness can also uninvite themselves. OP should definitely give her mother her wedding dress back and buy her own, WITHOUT her mother present. If Mother Dearest complains, OP should ignore her and carry on, and not let her or SIL anywhere near her new dress, before or after the wedding. Spite is like a rattlesnake; you can put it in a cage and treat it like a beloved pet. But the very first time you drop your guard and turn your back on it, you automatically become its next victim.
Load More Replies... Honestly, I think the biggest problem (that many seem to be overlooking or ignoring) is that: Kate was holding a drink while trying on a wedding dress that wasn't hers, knowing full well that she had a history of seizures. Even if she hadn't had a history of seizures, she shouldn't have been holding a drink while trying on a wedding dress that wasn't hers. Anything that can potentially stain a dress shouldn't ever be anywhere near a wedding dress (especially if it isn't yours); food, drink, paint, etc. It's weird that the mom wanted Kate to try on the dress; why not ask her own daughter to try on the dress? I understand that the OP has hard feelings against Kate and feels like she's being pushed aside, and this incident has spoiled her feelings towards the dress. She wanted something special just between her and her mother... and that was ruined. I think her calling it 'creepy' was just her struggling to find the words to express her feelings about it.
Disease aside it sure sounds like Kate had an agenda!! She just happen to have the seizure at the right time. Not implying she has control over that but how do we know she had one and didn't spill it on purpose and faked the rest?? Plus I wouldn't put it past the Mom to lie and cover for Kate! Kate was jealous she didn't get to wear mommy's dress. No other explanation.
Load More Replies... I don't get why she would want to try it on when she's already married and why would you have a smoothie in your hand when trying it on? Sounds deliberate to me but I'm Pretty cynical. I never had any type of drink in my hand while trying on my wedding dress and spilled punch on it the day I got married so I think you are in the right here. Mom should be ashamed of how she's acting and SIL should get over herself.
Surprised that your SIL gets a pass from some of these comments. Your SIL was already married so she already knows how she looks in a wedding dress. So there was no reason to try it on. 2nd she's not a 3 year old, trying it on with food of any kind is just so irresponsible, seizure or no seizure. You are the bride to be she's not. Too much emphasis is placed on the seizure quite frankly. She tried it on with a drink in her hand BEFORE the seizure. She's to blame. That dress on your wedding day would've given you memories of your mum on her wedding day. It's more than a piece of clothing. Your SIL' s irresponsible act destroyed it. Yes it's your mums dress but YOU are her daughter to whom she wants to gift it to not the SIL. NTA. Your disinvite is warranted.
Not the a*****e. The dress was reserved for the op. That was a planned dress. Nobody should have worn it being so close to the wedding day. S**t happens and they should have known this when she allowed her to wear it. Especially wearing an important dress while irresponsibly holding a drink. Is the sister a moron? Now it became a last second thing to find a dress not ruined. People calling you ta are the asses themselves. The OP was set up shortly before the wedding and had to rush because the family screwed her
Promises are made to not be broken. Your mother promised you the dress for your wedding, so she should have taken great care to make sure the dress was ready for you. Your sister-in-law was wrong to try on the dress, regardless of your mother wanting her to or not. Her medical condition is something that she was aware of, so she should not have had the beverage anywhere near your dress. I suggest you find a different dress to wear, so you will not have unpleasant thoughts about the promised dress.
I can't imagine what her mother was thinking? Taking photos of Kate in the dress before her daughter actually wore it at her wedding. So her daughter didn't get to have special photos in her mom's dress. It's hardly special if everyone does it first. This would have made me mad at my mom if the dress wasn't ruined. She has pictures of Kate in Kate's wedding dress. Idk why she had to spoil it for her daughter. Her mom is all to blame and Kate either has no self awareness or enjoys doing things to aggravate her Sil.
Dump Kate/Mom/and the dress and enjoy your day. Your Dad needs to stop making excuses for his selfish wife. If she loves Kate so much she could have let her wear the dress 4 years ago. Notice she didnt! She saved it for her real daughter and then purposely ruined the whole thing. Something is wrong with this woman. Creepy doesn't begin to cover it. Who tries on wedding dresses with a drink anywhere near them!! This was on purpose.
I agree. Dump Kate AND mom. Mom is a grown up in her 40s or 50s, or older. There are no excuses for being an awful parent like this. You don't stop being a parent - ever.
Load More Replies... No it's really weird that a person who has seizures is holding a smoothy and trying on a wedding dress they didn't want for there own wedding she knew what she was doing it's sounds like the movie orphan to me tryna knock off the real kids and the mom is dumb a*s rocks she's weird and empty headed for that my a*s sister has seizures and wouldn't be holding nothing especially while trying on a wedding dress no one would do that they better see if she has medical proof of these seizures some people are possessive and weird and will do anything to stick there claws in even need up and mother and daughter relationship
I think that the OP should have 100% of her finances' support and together they meet with the mom AND dad. OP needs to explain why this was so awful - without interruption. I also feel there is much more to the dynamics of this family. I dont believe this is the first instance of moms and kates weirdness. Wheres Kates husband?.
Load More Replies... The AH's are: OP's brother. Where is he in all of this his wife is causing problems. The mom: she sounds stupid and repulsive quite frankly. A parents favorite children should be her own. We are only hearing about these few incidents. If the mom is, as dad states, socially awkward and has never had friends, then there would have been all kinds of situations over the years especially when the OP and her brother were in school. And aren't we all a little socially awkward? As a mom it doesn't matter how old your children are - you're still the parent. This mom is a repulsive parent of whom people are making excuses for. Yuck. The biggest AH. Kate: when you have a seizure disorder why are you drinking a smoothie while trying on a very special dress? And find your own friends. And read the room. The dad: telling his daughter about her wedding dress- "just let it go. Your mom is like that."
I am quite cynical, but why would you have a smoothie near someone's wedding dress? That seems like it was an intentional " accident".
In my eyes, from the comments and OP's replies, the only thing that really happened was the mom getting a slice of karma. Since she was only allowed to "borrow" said wedding dress (she specified that she was allowed to use it as long as she gave it back), the mom ruined her own wedding dress, or the SIL ruined the mom's wedding dress. Tough luck on them, I'd buy my own, that was within my budget and leave them out of the shopping process. Also, my own (estranged) mother has severe epilepsy, and she has faked having seizures for attention. (She has a lot of issues I don't want to go into). I hope no one else does this, but it can happen - not saying that is the case here. Just....something seems off with the story. Ultimately, the mom is the AH of this one.
I don't understand this... how does one try on any clothes with a drink in their hand? You spill in a store you buy that garment. I would say eff all the wedding plans and get hitched in Vegas or something, screw everyone. I got married on a mountain top with my dad, FIL, aand a couple of friends. Mom, MIL and step mom weren't invited due to known drama outbursts. My step mom is the chillest but didn't invite due to drama of "being left out"
If it bothers you, buy your own dress. Then tell your mom, dad, SIL and brother to pound sand. Then you brother and SIL can renew their vows and SHE can wear it and YOU and hubby can stay away.
OP said that Kate rarely has seizures so what a freak accident this was to happen. Her to have a seizure whilst trying on the wedding dress and having a smoothie. What I think happened was she tried on the dress, spilled the smoothie on the dress. The seizure is just an excuse just to look innocent here.
It's... a piece of clothing. I don't understand the "creepy" part. I think it's creepy to put so much importance on an article of clothing.
That's fine for you. Youre the author of your life. The OP is the author of her life and has an emotional investment in this dress. You don't have to like it.
Load More Replies... The wierd thing here is mother's wish to see another woman in her daughter's wedding dress. It looks like she loves that other woman more than her own daughter. Like she subconsciously wants to replace her daughter with that other. Really creepy! I am a mother and I cannot imagine how can someone love other man/woman more than their own flesh and blood. If I were in bride's place I would uninvite from wedding both mother and "Kate" and choose another wedding dress just like my mother replaced me with another "daughter". Their behaviour is a huge red flag for the future. Kate is as fault as the mother because she agreed to go with it and honestly I don't believe in the story where someone tries on a white dress with a liquid near it. It's look like they conspired to ruin the dress just to prevent the bride to wear it on her wedding day. Really mean and vicious!
Op has a problem with both of them I don't understand why no one sees that, imo op isn't TA the other two are for not thinking ahead of time about the in laws medical condition and what could happen with the smoothie, both of them seems to be disregarding ops feelings and the mom needs to show op that she doesn't like the dil more than her in stead of crying and saying she doesn't.
NTA. BUT, is Kate 6 years old? How can an adult be so irresponsible to be holding a drink while trying on a dress? Obviously your mom probably shouldn't have offered it to her to try on. I would not be "uninviting" anyone to the wedding. The scars from that will last a long time. You, mom and SIL have issues to work thru. Why don't you see how the dress looks after it comes back from the cleaners. Which your mom should be doing immediately. The longer that stain stays on the dress, the harder it will be to get it out. So stay on top of your mom until she does it. Then wear the dress as you planned.
ESH . OP is obviously jealous, but at the same time, why was there food/liquid anywhere near the dress to begin with? The mango smoothie shouldn't have been in the same room. The SIL and Mom seriously f*cked up there.
Nobody knows why kate was holding the drink. It's possible the mother handed her her drink while she was adjusting the dress. Everybody seems to be blowing this way out of proportion with way too little information.
Either this story is fake or that was a very concinient seizure and mother is very concinient mom is so "socially akward" with everyone on this big blue planet EXCEPT this one particular little girl she feels like she can save and be a rock for. I say uninvite them both, get a new dress, have a blast and if a mother can call her daughter psycho over having emotions about terror on the happiest day of her life she's probably worth cutting off. It seems like they have connection issues anyways and this woman obviously isn't able to reach out. I don't blame Kate for having a seizure. I blame her for being utterly careless and no etiquette, self awareness, and general rule of thumb
Seems really fishy to me that she "accidently " spills a drink on the dress while she was trying it on. Then all of a sudden, she has an epileptic fit. Very convenient for her...??? Buy a different dress but say nothing to anyone about it. Maybe her and your mom can bond together when you uninvite mom. Because since she is her favorite let them go somewhere other than the wedding. What does your groom say?
I find it so bizarre that people would un-invite their own family members over a dress. I know wedding dresses are a big deal to some people, but are they the most important part of a wedding? are they the reason you are getting married? ugh. Weddings make people lose their minds.
Okay, I can understand she had a seizure and its' not her fault she has epilepsia, I can almost understand trying on a dress to take pictures(doubtful decision, but ok), but what I can't understand - how the f**k did the smoothie get there? If you are wearing other people's clothes, let alone a wedding dress, you need to stay away from everything that can damage it - drinks, oil, paint. This part doesn't sound like an accident at all.
It is your mom's dress: she could let whoever she wants try it on. That being said, your mother has some issues she needs to work on, including her relationship with you. Have you ever considered your mother is playing SIL off on you and vice versa? Head games? Go buy yourself your own dress, reinvite SIL( be the bigger person) have YOUR day, then keep mom and SIL at a safe mental-healthwise distance and observe them for a while. You might be very surprised at what you learn.
Honestly I'm really taken back but just overall fact the mom wanted how pretty the SIL was in the dress and wanted to take photos. Because it's not her wedding, it's not her mom.That takes away from the daughters own wedding photos. And the special meaning of saving her dress for kid. Like image she didn't ruin the dress and mom saved photos of SIL on her phone. I'd be pretty upset. Plus you can't tell me if someone is wearing your wedding dress taking photos and drinking ( probably wine because everything else comes out) with your mom and your not around. They probably talking s**t about you. It's not her fault she had seizure. But she & your mom crossed you way before ruining the dress.
am i the only one who thinks the seizure never actually happened and they are just claiming it did to get away with it?
This is one of those are you, are you not situations. Yes because I don't think uninviting her was the way to go especially since it was your mother who really is at fault here. And No because I damn sure I wouldn't like someone putting on my wedding dress and have photos taken BEFORE I got to wear it. SO my solution would have been to get another dress, one of your very own instead of uninviting her. I know that is not the cheaper option and may be hard to do but this way you get your own peace of mind that it is YOUR dress, your control on it. Plus who the hell wants photos of your SIL wearing your wedding dress....matchy matchy "wedding" photos...weird as F...
They're both at fault...the mother for goading her into trying it on, and Kate for agreeing with a drink in her hand! Why didn't she put the drink aside??😒
I think the OP is the one that is possessive of her mom. After all, her SIL is now her mom's daughter too and you can love all of your children equally. And, if her mom likes SIL so much more why didn't she give her the wedding dress? Sounds more like she was saving it for her "real" daughter. Then when she realized she'd never see this prized treasure on her SIL she wanted to take a quick picture. As for the SIL it's kind of an AH move to drink ANYTHING while trying on a wedding dress someone else is going to wear. But, it wasn't malicious if the story is true. I don't think the mother or SIL are AHs here and I think OP is clearly jealous if the bind those two have, is being petty about it, and is taking it out her jealousy and issues with her mom giving love and attention to someone else out on her SIL. She is being a Psycho. If the dress comes back clean then who cares. No harm no foul.
Kate trying in the dress is one thing, but WHY would she have a beverage anywhere near it? No way this was an accident. So now Kate will have her way and get the newly cleaned dress from her MIL. The mom and Kate are both weird AHs.
I agree with the commenter that she should buy her own dress. Mom will no doubt feel hurt, but as she'd pointed out, 'her dress', her rules. Holding a smoothie while wearing it was thoughtless. Put. Down. The. Drink. I'm proof that you don't have to be epileptic to spill on yourself. Weddings are emotional times, though. My SiL wasn't happy that she had to invite me or my other SiL, but as both our husbands/her sibs were in the wedding party... lowbrowing it a tad, especially making sure we were seated so far from the wedding table we were nearly outside. And neither of us had done anything to her clothes!
Invite the SIL. Buy another dress without notifying your family. Don't include them in any further event planning. I hope they aren't paying for this wedding. Who knows what else they may try to sabotage.
I don't get why she's so upset. The dress is going to be professionally cleaned at no cost to her. Sounds like OP has mommy issues, doesn't like SIL and is looking for a reason to be angry and play victim.
I really don’t get how Kate was so stupid that she would drink a mango smoothie while wearing somebody’s wedding garb. The mother is an idiot too
Load More Replies... She should have refused to try the dress on. Your mother could have waited for you to come over and took pics of YOU wearing her dress. And who holds a smoothie when trying on clothes. I would go buy the dress of my dreams and ban both of them because clearly your mom is replacing you with becky.You should feed them both with a long handled spoon.
As many people pointed out, it might be deliberate. I mean, sure, maybe SIL accidentally knocked smoothie off the table while having seizure, but it still does not explain, why was smoothie anywhere near wedding dress. Sounds like there is more issues than just damaged dress.
What I expected from the title: My SIL/future SIL tried on the brand-new dress I bought for my wedding. What I feel like I read: My mom is loaning me her dress, it isn't being gifted me. My mom loves my brother's wife Kate like a second daughter, and asked Kate to try it on for photos before it was in my possession. A drink got accidentally spilt, so I found out, now I'm feeling violated and creeped out because Kate once wore dress. Okaaay then, let's unpick this. If OP had an issue with anyone wearing her wedding dress before her, OP should have bought new or should similarly uninvite mom, since she wore the dress first. Mom had every right to allow Kate to try on her own wedding dress. Having a drink near the dress was a mistake, but unless someone isn't being fully truthful it seems neither of them saw the risk at the time. OP herself calls it an accident. OP seems to be blaming Kate for trying the dress on, but not her mom for asking. It seems OP already had an issue with Kate.
Jesus Christ, no. Kate is not her sister nor was she thrown under a bus. She is a jealous, nasty, manipulative woman who seems to be willfully driving a wedge between OP and her mother because her own mother is garbage. If her relationship with OP mattered to her, she would have told the mother no to trying on someone else's dress (mom may technically own it, but this was OP'S wedding dress and Kate knew that). Kate would also try to include OP in things she does with OP'S mother. She isn't interested in a relationship with OP; she's decided this is her "mother" and OP is actively being pushed out. The mother isn't socially awkward, she's an a*****e and that's why she has no friends. Nothing to honor The example OP should show is that she's done with their b******t and uninvite both of them. Why does she have to have 2 assholes who have gone out of their way to exclude her, treat her like c**p, and ruin her dress at her wedding? Nah, they can stay home and play dress up.
Load More Replies... I hear that, but... OP had already told mom that she feels mom is setting her aside for Kate. Mom asking Kate to wear the dress knowing that, with OP's wedding coming up, feels a little weird. I don't think anything was done on purpose, and I don't think OP should uninvite Kate, but I do think another chat with mom is in order. Just to honestly express what she's feeling and maybe figure out how to navigate this newish family dynamic.
Load More Replies... If you're trying on a dress that has been promised to someone else so close to the wedding why would you be drinking something that could potentially ruin it?
Load More Replies... Wow. So shes entirely at fault for feeling like her mom is putting aside her and her feelings for someone else? Besides, if you know you have a medical condition like epilepsy, why would you be holding a drink while trying on something so important? Everyones saying Kate has no fault here, but that isnt exactly true is it? Epilepsy has just becomes Kates excuse to get away with such entitlement at this point.
Load More Replies... It's a sentementail thing. Her mother told her she could have the dress for her wedding, and the day that she was going to pick it up her mother had her sister in law try it on and let her have a drink in hand while it was on. The thing about wedding dresses is that they are super expensive, and a lot of women may want to use their mother's dress as an heirloom. Needless to say, the only type of drink that should be anywhere near a wedding dress is water, because it won't stain the dress like, say, a smoothie.
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