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Motherhood is not easy, and few people would probably be foolish enough to think otherwise. But while that’s no secret, some things regarding surviving parenthood—like hacks, tips and tricks—are often kept behind closed doors.
Some women on the internet recently opened the doors wide open. After a discussion was started on Threads, they shared some of their most unhinged hacks and the most feral things they do to survive motherhood. (It’s safe to assume that for some moms, that must have felt like a breath of fresh air.) So if you’re curious to learn what their tricks are, scroll down to find their comments on the list below, but keep in mind that moms have to deal with the most demanding bosses of all time on a daily basis, so cut them some slack.
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#1
Nigerian mothers had this thing they called 'Arodan' that was done back when children were raised by the community and things were safer. Mom sends her kid to another neighbour mom and tells her kid to ask for Arodan. Kid doesn't know what it means but said neighbour knows it means 'im tired and I need some time off' and neighbour knows to keep child waiting, like 'wait and I'll prepare it, or go to so and SO's mom, for it'. child is on a wild goose chase that doesn't end until he's tired
zububonsai 7 months ago
Oh, I love this concept soooo much. ❤️🔥It could easily have happened in my community back then when I was a child if the adults had known about arodan. TIL.
RELATED:
#2
We live in Japan and close to Ishikawa so we felt the Jan 1 2024 earthquake very strongly and the dozens of aftershocks after. To keep my son (and me) from being scared, I told him when the ground shakes, it’s Totoro jumping for joy.
#3
When my kids can’t sleep at night I tell them they can stay up as long as they help do chores. They’re usually willing to do something without fighting. They put clean laundry away, dust, clean grout (toothbrush, cup of water and baking soda), wipe cupboards, mop, tidy..they do a couple of things, then I put send them back to bed
#4
When they're having a toddler tantrum, I would howl, which makes the dog howl, and then the kids howl. By the time it quiets down, they forget why they were upset.
#5
I created a “family reset hour” every Saturday. I told everyone: no screens, no chores, no talking to mom unless it’s an emergency. It’s for everyone’s mental health.
Reality? The kids read or play, my 13-year-old chills, and I lock myself in the bedroom with headphones, a snack stash, and an audiobook. No guilt, no pretending just boundaries disguised as self care for them. But really? It’s for me.
#6
It's not that crazy, but taking pictures of stuff they want at the store "so that I can send them to santa" really works. They might pose with 20 different toys before we leave, but we get out without tantrums
#7
Just calling off work for the day and not telling anyone else in the household. Just letting them think I went to work and came back. When really I was eating breakfast at a diner alone, shopping, drinking tea at a tea house, taking nice long drives, listening to podcasts, etc.
#8
This was 3 months postpartum but I straight up got a hotel room. I was cracking under the pressure and I told my hubs that I just need ONE night of full sleep, good sleep, and some room service. It did me a world of good.
#9
I made our GoogleHome (like Alexa) the bad guy on schedules & chores. We all agreed at family meeting that X things/chores needed to happen every week, & scheduled them out in the app. Google calls the kids out by name & what they need to be handling & I’m no longer the recipient of their whining or things just not getting done cause I don’t have the bandwidth for pushback.
#10
I told my adolescent daughter that everything will feel better if you sit on the couch and eat some cheesecake while wearing a tiara and a prom dress. We had very few meltdowns and we still do it.
#12
When my daughter was 3 months old I formed a punk band. That way I had to leave the house at least twice a week for practice, and I sure as heck couldn’t take the baby with me. Hubs had to do his share, and I got to scream my guts out.
#13
When my kids aren’t listening and I feel like I’m going to start yelling, I sing instructions at them in an opera voice instead.
Child of the Stars 7 months ago
Oh, I like this! It gets their attention without the negative impact of yelling.
#14
When I’m by myself and trying to get out of the house and the baby is begging to be held I throw cheerios onto the floor and let her crawl around to get them like a chicken
#15
Order my groceries online for pick up but not tell hubby, then tell him I'm off to do the groceries, so that buys me 2 hours to do whatever I want and just pick up the already done groceries on the way home.
#16
When I can tell my kids aren't listening, I shift the conversation to alien abduction until they notice. Sometimes I talk about alien abduction to myself for a solid 5 minutes, but the creativity of trying to keep the same cadence of giving them directions while talking about something completely ridiculous has given my own brain moments of levity and fun when I'm otherwise exasperated.
#17
Joined a gym that had a daycare with a cheap hourly rate. The nicest staff of young girls who loved kids. Just to sit and drink coffee and read. Never worked out.
#18
One time I was in a museum with my daughter when she was maybe 4. I was super into it but she wasn't. So to keep her occupied I told her to count all the naked butts she could see in each room. This game ended up keeping her entertained through the great museums of the world and taught her math
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
A lot of museums have a little 'passport' or activity to do while you walk through. They have to find certain things in each section and at the end often get stickers or something. When I went to the National Gallery in Canberra my sister was a little too old for the children's activity (I think she was 12) and just wanted me to read the title and meaning of each piece to her to begin with. Then even that was too much for her ADHD brain so we hurried through the last few things. We also went to the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation museum on that trip and it was pretty much all interactive, but some things still below her age group. I have a hilarious video of her 'putting a puzzle together' where she is intentionally doing it wrong (it was like 4-5 pieces to make a dinosaur) but talking it up like she really didn't understand it. I played it during her 21st birthday party!
#19
I don’t want gifts for holidays focused on me. I want a hotel night alone in a room. That’s it. Been going strong 4 years now. Eff them flowers and chocolates. Keep your hallmark. King size me and send me room service.
#20
When the floor is covered in toys I tell my toddler I’m thinking of one toy in my head and she has to pick up all her toys and put them away and when she picks up the one I’m thinking of she wins a prize. It’s always the last toy
#21
2 things:
In the summer, I always took my kids to the evening swim (6-8) at our community pool. Before leaving, each kid takes a quick (swimsuit on) shower with shampoo. Arriving home, we’d dry off, put on PJs, have a snack, relax a bit then go to bed. They were clean (enough), tired and ready for bed.
2nd, a crying toddler will stop crying if offered a drink. You can’t cry and swallow at the same time. A little water or juice, the action of swallowing equals a calmer child.
Feathered Dinosaur 7 months ago
If the mini dino is upset handing her anything, including drinks, will result in the thing getting violently thrown.
#22
Not unhinged (at least I don’t think so), but totally works in desperate moments— I pull the dining room chairs back a bit from the table, drape blankets over the table & chairbacks, and voila: instant fort. Give them flashlights, and they’re suddenly interested in all the quiet activities — books, puzzles, and whatnot — that can be done inside.
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
Sometimes the kids at my after school care don't do any of the activities I had planned, because all they want to do is build a fort. Gives me more time to do the tedious cleaning or paperwork I don't have time to do in my admin hours! I do have to make sure they clean the up before they go home though or I just ed up with more cleaning :)
#23
I have days where I just CANNOT hear the word mom one more time. When that happens, we start the 'call her anything but' game. At which point, I will respond to "Brandy" (my actual name), "bruh" or "dude" from my teen and 10 yo old, or my all time fave: "your highness"... Which my 7 yr old loves!
#24
When my kids aged into adult sized socks. I bought 50 pairs of the same socks. No more matching! Just pick 2 socks people.
#25
We have “leave me alone” nights where my kids go to their room early and aren’t allowed to leave. They get screentime, I bring them their dinner/snacks, and we all enjoy alone time that makes us excited to spend time together the next day. We spend most of our evenings hanging out so the occasional “leave me alone” night is much needed.
Judy Reynolds 7 months ago
When I was a single mother, I sometimes told my kids that I was going off duty at 8 PM. Only call me if someone is bleeding. I could hear if they were throwing up.
#26
Sometimes I give my kids a meal in the shower when I’ve had a long day, my husband is at work, and I just can’t find it in me to actually cook. We call it shower-cuterie. It’s just random finger foods that can get a little wet and still be basically fine- cheese, salamie, fruit & veggies, etc. They love it and afterwards I just scoop the pieces they dropped out and hose down the rest with the hand shower. There’s no dishes, and they end up clean too. Is this unsanitary? Probably. Do I care? No.
Sally Moen 7 months ago
Just the same as when adults eat their salads or pasta or whatever while taking a bath. It's very practical and the only problem is if you spill your entire meal into the water.
#27
I’m submitting not mine, but my own mother’s: when we were kids she would send us outside with buckets of water and paintbrushes and tell us to “paint” the driveway. We spent hours out there
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
This has been something kids have done for decades at preschools in Australia!
#28
I’m not a mom, but I was a nanny and I’ve shared this with people.
You know that really fun toddler age when they still need a nap but refuse to take one? I tell them I’ll set a timer for 5-10 minutes and if it goes off and they’re still awake they don’t have to take a nap. But while the timer is going they have to lay really still with their eyes closed. I start the timer, let it run for a little bit then pause it and if they ask I tell them they still have X more minutes.
Sally Moen 7 months ago
I seem to remember being told to lie down with my eyes closed, even if I wasn't tired, when I was a preschooler, and it was naptime
#29
Role reversal. When I'm fed up, I make my oldest "be the mom" and I act absolutely unhinged - just like her. She loves correcting me and I get to blow off some steam.
Nadine Debard 7 months ago
Agreed. My son told me that I was being annoying when I did his role. 'Understood?' Yes... And he stopped (at least for a while).
#30
Leave my kid in the tub as long as they want and just chill while they’re in there lol. I can get myself an 1-1.5hr like this. Kid has to be old enough that this is ok, and water level low enough. Keep the door open so I can hear everything. Only works if they’re able to bathe independently
Dog Mom to Zoe 7 months ago
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but anyone can still drown in 3 inches of water. Sadly, I know someone who died that way.
#31
My 3-year-old nephew refused to hold an adult's hand when crossing the street. I told him I was terrified to cross by myself and could he please help me? He waited for me at every street corner!
Judy Reynolds 7 months ago
When I was in uni, I found an old gas mask bag (without gas mask) that I used as a purse. For some reason, there was a 6 foot cord attached to the pocket. I would give the end of it to my nephew and he would wrap it around me, one way then the other. Kept him quiet in the stores, and I didn't have to look for him.
#32
I would allow him to “steal” chopped up vegetables and fruit while I was cooking dinner. He loved it ! He thought he was getting away with something sneaky. He’d grab, stuff them in his mouth and run off giggling.
#34
Spray bottle walks. I give him an entirely full spray bottle of water and he has free rein to spray anything on our walk. I bring a back up bottle. Easiest way to kill 45 minutes, get outside, walk around. Sometimes to make it interesting, I bring one of the continuous mist spray bottles. Bonus, this is great for fine motor skills!!
#35
Put toddler in giant cardboard box with a bunch of crayons and let them go to town. They are occupied and can’t get out, so you can get stuff done.
#36
My favorite one was telling my kids the tooth fairy pays on a sliding scale depending on how clean they are. This means they brush extra well when a tooth is loose and I don't have to explain why the amount paid varries. Because I don't carry cash and it's usually a scramble to find enough when it happens.
#37
When the dog is crazy and the kid is crazy, I give the kid a piece of cheese and tell her to run away. The dog'll chase her and they'll have fun for 20 minutes, tiring each other out.
#38
My mom, aunt, and grandma all had a small spray bottle of “monster spray” (water) for my cousin to spray under his bed and in his closet so he would go to sleep at night.
Judy Reynolds 7 months ago
I'ver heard of doing that with a drop or two of lavender oil, so the kid knows it is working.
#39
There were some weeks in 2020 where I inflated our air mattress, leaned it up on the couch, and it became a slippery climbing wall for my then 2.5 year old. Hourrrrrs of climbing entertainment
#40
My kids go to bed in their school clothes for the next day. One less fight in the mornings.
#41
When they make you want to clench your jaw and fists and scream in rage…. Car wash! Everybody in the tub, and then spray the kids with the shower head. It starts out feeling violent, so it quells the rage. Then it’s fun because they can’t quit laughing.
And then they don’t need a bath later. All I do is win.
Cindy Brick 7 months ago
This is BRILLIANT. Add a little bodywash, and you've washed their clothes, too! Just hang them up to dry.
#42
I've had bad days and I've broken down crying on the floor in front of my toddler. Every time, she's gives me her water bottle and says "mama, have some water to calm your body down. Let's take deep breaths" and then she demonstrates deep breaths. She reminds me that I must be getting something right and I can pull myself together
#43
We leave our kids’ kindles outside their doors with a snack on weekend mornings so we can sleep a little longer. Works like a charm most days.
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
When they were old enough, my stepsister put the cereal and bowls etc within my nephew's reach so they could make their own breakfast without waking her and then they had to spend the rest of the time until she got up playing in their room. Helped her sleep an hour or two extra sleep each weekend.
#44
We have ‘sleep medicine’. I was horrified one morning when I picked my kids up from my mums after a sleepover and they told me they’d had medicine to help them go to sleep. Turns out my mum gave them a spoonful of juice concentrate and told them it was ‘sleep medicine’. Went straight to sleep after taking it . I’ve used the trick several times too. It’s all in their heads!
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
My mum was told by the doctor to do this for me, using vitamin C tablets. My insomnia was legitimate and it didn't work. It did work a few years later with my sister though.
#45
Put a bunch of his dinosaurs in a huge bowl with water, freeze over night, the next day take it out. Give him warm water with droppers, spray bottle and paint brushes to rescue them. Takes 30 min to an hour to get them all out.
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
You can also change it up and use coloured water in the droppers and they learn about mixing colours. I have done it by filling balloons with water and one or two toys in each ballon too. You can make 'fossils' by putting toys in plaster that they use tools to break open too.
#46
We do "book dinner" collectively eating dinner while reading our books because sometimes I need 30mins with no one bothering me.
Upstaged75 7 months ago
I was not allowed to read at the table when I was a kid. (Because I would ignore my family and it was "rude") I was and still am a book worm. As an adult I read at every single meal now. :)
#47
I have an emergency cheese stash. Is everyone cranky? Bust out the cheddar slices. Am I a weepy mess? That’s a brie situation. Need a reset? Small parmesean hunk. My children will now request cheese to regulate. Weirdest mental health fix.
#48
I saw a vid from someone about pretending like you time travelled to this moment as a way to appreciate all the small things as fond memories. It really helps. Act nostalgic about anything they’re doing. “Oh that yelling. I miss when they lived at home.” It sounds insane but it absolutely works
#49
I used to tell them that I had a direct contact line with Santa. Any time they were a bully to each other, all I had to say to them was, " Hello Santa,". It worked every time.
Kat Alison 7 months ago
My mom did something similar to me when I was little. She picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers (yes, dial phone; I’m old) and pretended she was talking to Santa Claus.
#50
My youngest likes medicine so she’s always telling me she’s sick at bedtime. I have her wait in the living room while I bring her a spoonful of pickle juice. She takes it and goes right to bed.
Judy Reynolds 7 months ago
My mother gave us medicine in fancy tiny glasses. Now I know they were designed for liqueurs.
#51
My dad did this with me and I’ve been waiting for my moment to shine and be unhinged and I got it! You know that toddler tantrum in the shops where they just think “screw this I’m throwing myself on the floor till I get what I want” little did bossy baby know mam threw herself on the floor too and pretended to throw a tantrum just like him, the speed that he got up and ran to his dad because of embarrassment will forever live rent free in my head, worked with me and him 20 years later
#52
The car wash!!!
I swear by it, they can be locked in their seats so they are safe and you can spray the s**t out of the vehicle and chill for a minute while being able to see them.
#53
The downstairs TV remote gets “lost” (hidden in my wine cabinet) fairly often, when I’m overstimulated and can’t handle extra noise downstairs.
#54
My toddler was throwing a 15 minute screaming fit. I decided “can’t beat him, join him” so I just plopped down on the ground next to him. He was confused, then concerned, then proceeded to wrestle around with me until he forgot I wouldn’t let him eat dog food
#55
In the middle of a screaming tantrum i just started vacuuming. I mean everything. The sound of the vacuum drowned out the whining/ crying and I ended up with a clean house. Toddler was quiet about halfway through when I was no longer responding
#56
I went to the YMCA and checked the babies into childcare just so I could sleep in the sauna
#57
I got a gym membership to a fancy gym. They have a cafe, massage rooms, outside pools, etc. My kids would go to the kid rooms to play and do crafts. I would sit in the cafe and enjoy lunch by myself and read. I never worked out.
#58
IKEA free childcare . Drop the kids. Hand in the IKEA cafe for an hour and have coffee and cinnamon rolls.
#59
To get them to go to sleep I change the language on the tv and tell them they’re too tired to understand it
#60
Give them a pair of kid’ scissors, and tell them their job is to “cut the grass” while I sit in a deck chair in peace.
Huddo's sister 7 months ago
Just make sure they know this is the only thing other than paper they are allowed to cut!
#61
Fudge. Like- don’t watch, yes it’s all mine, copious, obscene, outrageous amounts of chocolate fudge.
Cindy Brick 7 months ago
Or a hot fudge sundae with nuts, eaten verrrry slowly. Made me feel better every time.
#62
Sometimes I pretend they're not mine. It's way easier to not care about the mess or nutrition or schedules, if you're just the fun aunty who's watching them for an afternoon.
#63
I don’t listen to kids music in the car even when they are in the car. My four year old knows the f word but it’s self care for me.
Kat Alison 7 months ago
This should be higher. Teach your kids good music. Go straight to Metallica without stopping at Raffi on the way!
#64
Once I told my kid that eating vegetables makes you taste gross to monsters. It worked for that night.
#65
Lie face down on the sofa and close eyes. Tell kid to set toys on your butt so you can guess which one it is. Child is amused, I get to lie down with my eyes closed playing “what’s on my butt!?”
#66
Tell my daughter to meet me downstairs to deep clean her room. She disappears. Get an hour of uninterrupted time.
#67
My toddler liked ripping paper so one time when I needed time out I gave her a pack of toilet paper and left her to it. She shredded about 3 rolls before she got bored.
zububonsai 7 months ago (edited)
My daughter like those tissue paper boxes we never use at home (she's seen it at daycare). As an extra special treat , on one of those endless not-yet-snowing days of November I let her have a go with a box of the cheapest tissue box I could find. She threw them around "I make snow", painted on it, soaked some, tried to fold little ships, glued balls together for snowman. In the end we had a huge "snowball fight" indoors (not with the soggy ones).... I had a fully happy and occupied child. The scraps we used as a starter for our fires.
#69
I handed my 6yr old and 2yr old a jar of peanut butter & jelly, a loaf of bread and a pitcher of juice, sent them outside to the fenced in backyard and told them that this was now their house because they disrespected the one with their bedrooms in it. I locked the door, then watched them through the living room window, as they went from thoughts of independence and freedom to desperation to be let back into the house. That 42 min lesson lasted all summer
#70
I keep a crate of old pottery and dishes to smash against the back shed when I'm feeling ragey. I scream profanities and rage laced insults at them while hurl them against the shed.
#72
Sometimes we play hide and seek and I simply do not seek. I always know exactly where she is and she thinks she’s winning, but I’m the real winner
#73
I placed a pick up order, left the house and sat in the target parking lot listening to my audiobook, scrolled through socials, and caught up on some things for about an hour or so while my toddler napped. Picked up my order as soon as it was ready and drove home just as he woke up.
#74
Let him touch the glitter. Postpartum with a 2.5 year old and 6 month old.
My brain said- just let it sparkle.
#75
I had a colicky baby and she just kept crying dad was at work I had a toddler and a 5 yr old. I called 911 and told them I was going to snap. They came put the baby to sleep fed the big ones and told me laid down too.
karen snyder 7 months ago
Which agency? Just asking because this incident is now on file with them. Telling 911 "I'm going to snap," can have severe consequences. A report to CPS is fair game at that point.
#76
I told my child that after she turned 3, if she pooped in her diaper then the friendly poopy monster would want to try to get it out of her diaper to take back to his poop castle. But if she did it in the potty then it would be sent right to him and he wouldn’t come to find it. She was immediately potty trained with zero effort on my part.
#77
Serve lunch on the open dishwasher front as if it is a tiny table. Kids sit around it on the floor and eat. Then put the dishes in and the whole "table" washes itself.
Cindy Brick 7 months ago
Or have a picnic on the floor, using a sheet and paper plates. Dump the plates in the trash (or, in our case, the woodstove), shake the sheet outside -- then put it in the wash. Works great.
#79
When my son turned five I informed him about The Utensil Police. If you didn't use a fork, he would be arrested.
#80
I turn on the roomba and let my 1 year old run from it for a while, usually until she starts crying then I swoop in and save her and she plays quietly with her toys for at least twice as long as normal.
What do you think ?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 7 months ago (edited)
Some of these were a bit f****d up. Biting your kid, pouring ice cold water over your kid, locking your kid outside, using your kids phobia to get them to comply....
Magenta Blu 7 months ago
I don't need a time off my kiddos.. but a time off all other people specially going out of my home. I wish I just could avoid going out at all. If I had domiciliary detention I would be completely happy
Child of the Stars 7 months ago
It's not unhinged, but for me it's routine routine routine. The closer we stick to it, even on weekends and vacations, the less likely it is my kids will get grumpy.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 7 months ago (edited)
Some of these were a bit f****d up. Biting your kid, pouring ice cold water over your kid, locking your kid outside, using your kids phobia to get them to comply....
Magenta Blu 7 months ago
I don't need a time off my kiddos.. but a time off all other people specially going out of my home. I wish I just could avoid going out at all. If I had domiciliary detention I would be completely happy
Child of the Stars 7 months ago
It's not unhinged, but for me it's routine routine routine. The closer we stick to it, even on weekends and vacations, the less likely it is my kids will get grumpy.
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