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84 Terrible Things Narcissistic Parents Do That Their Kids Never Really Forget
None of us chooses to be brought into this world. So you’d think the people responsible for raising us would at least give us a safe and loving home. Sadly, plenty of children end up in families that make their lives much harder than they ever needed to be.
Over on the Narcissistic Parents subreddit, users share what growing up with an entitled mother or father can be like. Many call out the things they went through, while others use humor to cope. We’ve rounded up a selection of their posts below. Scroll down to check them out.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Louder Please !
StrangeOne 12 hours ago
I've learned not everyone will understand being raised by narcissists and parents with CPSTD. Not everyone will get it. Not everyone will be sympathetic. It's an inside, family problem that is probably best to be kept to yourself and told to only the people you trust and will understand. Not the coworkers you think are relating to you to be your friend.
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#2
I Feel Like This Can Hit Close To Home With Many Of Us Here
Luke || Kira (he/she) 7 hours ago
What doesn't k**l you will become buried trauma that'll fuㅤck you up for the rest of your life
#3
This
When you grow up with narcissistic parents, you often don’t realize anything is wrong at first. To you, getting blamed for things that weren’t your fault or being made to feel guilty for having needs can simply seem normal.
Then, at some point, you realize other families don’t work like that. And that realization can hurt. It can feel lonely too, almost like everyone else got a head start in life while you were left trying to catch up.
#4
Thought You All Would Appreciate This One
#5
Eventually You Just Accept That There's No Point
StrangeOne 12 hours ago
Always feel like every time I tell her what I've been up to, what I like, etc, she asks follow up questions interrogation style that makes me have to explain why I like what I like, hate what I hate and do what I do, or don't do. Should have to explain myself to anyone.
#6
Yup, Same
That comparison isn’t even much of an exaggeration. Difficult experiences in childhood can actually change the way your brain learns to understand the world.
“If you have a whole bunch of bad experiences growing up, you set up your brain in such a way that it’s your expectation that that’s what life is about,” James Perrin, former president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, told The Atlantic.
#7
Say It Louder For The People In The Back
#8
Kids Aren't Responsible For Their Parents
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
I remember when I was a little kid and my mom was trying to have me "break into" acting. I live near Los Angeles, and she wanted me to be the next huge child star. She made me take so many acting classes that I could never spend time with friends, and going on auditions took hours of driving and waiting, and she would hit me if I didn't get callbacks. I didn't want to be an actor at all, I never did. It wasn't MY dream, it was hers. I remember her telling me, "Don't you WANT to make a lot of money so Mommy and Daddy never have to work again?" If I still said I didn't want to be a famous actor, she would continue "But just think about how you could buy a ranch and have all the animals you wanted if you were a famous actor!" Now that I'm an adult, I can see how horribly manipulative that was.
Sadly, childhood trauma is far from rare. According to a 2014 study published in Health Affairs, 48% of US children experience at least one adverse childhood event, while 23% go through two or more.
These can include witnessing domestic violence, living with someone who has a substance problem or having a parent with serious mental illness.
#10
Nice Name Bro, Couldn't Crosspost
Luke || Kira (he/she) 7 hours ago
"We not friends" My mom has been my friend my whole life and I still genuinely enjoy her company and doing stuff with her at age 30. It's that easy.
#11
Own Up To Your Mistakes For Once
#12
Saw This On Instagram, Thought It Belonged Here 😂
StrangeOne 12 hours ago (edited)
I felt so free when I moved out. That feeling was fleeting when I realized I still needed help from them. When they did help, such as with groceries, cosigning, etc, they felt they had all the control back. I couldn't pick what I wanted to eat, and they demanded a spare key to my apartment if they were going to be on the lease as a cosigner. It was when I was able to not have a cosigner and stop asking for help with the cost of living, that's when I felt more free. But by then, I was already feeling limited in skills and stuck at a job.
Children exposed to at least two traumatic or highly stressful events are 2.5 times more likely to repeat a grade or become disengaged from their schoolwork than those who haven’t faced any.
They are also more likely to have chronic health conditions, including asthma, ADHD, autism and obesity.
#13
True
Cat Palmer 8 hours ago
I am currently (hopefully not for much longer) a live-in carer for my mother, whose toxic behaviour is magnified by early dementia. It is an unimaginable hell.
#14
This Is Literally How I Realized In My Mid 20’s That We Grew Up In An Emotional Abusive Household Wrought With Mental Illnesses
#15
Indeed
Nay Wilson 6 hours ago
Oh yeah. My mother had no memory of telling me that I was lying when I told her that her boyfriend was SA me. That was a fun experience
And growing up doesn’t necessarily mean leaving all of that behind. The habits you learn as a child can follow you for years.
According to Healthline, adults raised by narcissistic parents may struggle to put their own needs first because they spent so long learning that someone else’s feelings mattered more.
#16
Mind Blown But Its Soo True!!
#17
It Do Be Like That
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 hours ago
I remember having my first bad mental health crisis at 12. I didn't know it at the time, but I entered a severely depressive episode. I became actively suícídal. My mother "doesn't believe" that mental illness is real. She told me things that I still remember to this day: "Depressed people just want attention" and "you can feel better if you WANT to" and "kílling yourself is just selfish" and, of course, the undercurrent of my entire childhood: "You're just like your gutter-trash junkíe mother" (I am adopted.) My older sister, who is my parents' bio child, would jump in and agree with everything my mom said. My dad, who was actually a good parent, had to sneak me out to a therapist when I was 16. I got on medication, which helped so much, but I had to hide it from my mom. It's hilarious to me when my sister (now 50) comes up to me and tells me "Mom is depressed!" (mom is 82.) Someday, when I am strong enough, I am going to say back to her, "But mental illness isn't real, remember?"
#18
This Made Me Burst Into Tears
As a result, they may deal with a lot of self-doubt and struggle with low self-esteem. That can make it harder to trust their own abilities or speak up for themselves.
They might hold back from applying for a better job because they assume they won’t get it. Even asking a coworker for help can feel uncomfortable, so they may end up taking everything on by themselves instead.
#19
Bought My Own Car So My Nparents Can’t Use Taking My Keys As A Manipulation Tactic Anymore :)
StrangeOne 2 hours ago (edited)
Just never have them in the car with you. I don't drive, but I have seen my mom in the passenger seat directing with her hands where the driver should turn and routes to take. She takes over the radio regardless if she's driving or not. She criticizes the speed your going and she has bad road rage. She will also be the last person, not even a person at all, who will help you in a car or fender bender. She cares more about the well being of the car than anyone else. I refuse to have her drive me anywhere. I'll meet her there by bus or uber if I have to. Hoo boy does that offend her. I get scenarios in my head of her grabbing my keys if I were in the driver's seat.
#20
I Thought This Was Normal And Wondering Why I Hate Staying With My Mum
When toxic parents don’t respect their children’s boundaries, those kids can have a hard time setting their own later on. Saying no might feel scary, especially if it used to get them punished or cause an argument.
They can also turn into people-pleasers after learning that keeping a parent happy was the easiest way to get affection. That habit can stick around in friendships and romantic relationships, where they may keep putting someone else first.
#22
Thought This Would Belong Here
Breadcrumb. 14 hours ago
"You get what you give." Is a phrase I've heard working in a seniors home.
#23
LOL Yeah I Think This Applies Here
#24
Literally Every Night When I Lived With My Nparents
Cat Palmer 8 hours ago
This is why I stay awake until midnight with my cat, even though I know I will regret it the next morning.
Of course, growing up with a toxic parent doesn’t mean you’re doomed to deal with the effects of it forever. People can work through what happened, unlearn the things they had to do to survive and build a much better life for themselves.
The important part is not pretending that kind of childhood was no big deal. Narcissistic parents can make life incredibly hard for their kids, and it can take time to untangle all of that later.
#25
Same. Now I Just Talk Back And Defend Myself 🤷🏻♀️
Tamra 4 hours ago
The true end of my relationship with my parents was after I'd become an adult and had engaged in extensive therapy. I became a person who was no longer willing to tolerate their manipulation and madness, was able to establish and defend healthy boundaries, and that made them acutely uncomfortable, so the trash ended up taking itself out.
#26
Whoop, There It Is. The Truth Uncensored
#27
Anyone Else?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
I still live in the same neighborhood I grew up in, but a lot of the neighbors are different from my childhood neighbors. The new neighbors didn't live with all the years of hearing my mother screaming at my dad and I, throwing things, beating both of us, and generally being an incredibly ábusive ásshole. She would also pick fights with our old neighbors and they ALL hated her. But she's 82 now and is better at her "normal human performance". So the current neighbors have NO idea about my mom's true self - she is a textbook toxic narcissist, but of course she shows her sweet generous performance to the neighbors. Every once in a while one of the neighbors will tell me "how nice" my mom and sister are, or how "fun" they are at the neighborhood get-togethers. I have to bite my tongue, because if I tell the neighbor the truth, I'd just look insane/bitter/angry/like a liar. It's astounding what a perfect performance of a "normal person" my mom and sister can put on.
#28
Found This On Ifunny, Thought You Guys Might Like It
Rudie Cant Fail 2 hours ago
So, I graduated from boot camp in '95, and for what ever reason went back to my home town while on leave. Stopped by my mom's place, for what ever reason, and the last sentence she said to me was: "You can't change what your family was." That was the last interaction with that parental figure, and to this day, don't feel one darn ounce of regret.
#29
Seen This On Facebook And Thought It Belonged Here :)
#30
I Choose Peace!
Lukas (he/him) 6 hours ago
I don't fully agree. You can still miss someone even if you're better away from them. Human emotions and relationships are complicated, and it's normal to miss someone who hurt you, especially if there was good there at some point.
#31
I Feel Like A Lot Of Us Need To See This…
#32
I Need To Keep Telling Myself This
Luke || Kira (he/she) 7 hours ago
Nothing wrong with me... nothing wrong with me... something's got to give...
#33
Mine To A Tee…
#34
I Feel Attacked Rn 🙃
#35
Good For O.p
Tabitha 1 hour ago
Funny how the biggest drama makers always accuse other people of creating drama, when THEY are the ones who always act/react in an overly dramatic way. No one is holding them down and forcing them to make a scene at gunpoint. They CHOOSE to act/react that way. However, you could just be sitting quietly, maybe even all the way across the room, minding your own business, and they will still accuse you of being the one who started the s**t THEY started themselves.
#36
The Logic Is Impeccable
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
I'm adopted and I CONSTANTLY heard, all throughout my childhood, "I adopted YOU, so you should be grateful!" and "I took you out of the gutter, you should be grateful!" and "Your parents were alcoholic junkíes, you should be grateful that I adopted you!"
#37
That's It, That Is The Excuse
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
WOW. This is exactly what my mother did. When I was a little kid, she would tell my sister and I about how her father would beat her, her mother would beat her, her uncle séxually ábused her, all these explicit stories about how much ábuse and trauma she went through in her childhood (seriously, she started telling us these stories when I was like 6 years old.) She proceeded to ábuse me in every way you can a***e a child, all throughout my childhood, and would tell me about how much worse HER parents ábused her, as if that was supposed to make beating me better...?
#38
Louder For The People At The Back
Luke || Kira (he/she) 6 hours ago
I always say this. When you physically asㅤsault another adult person, you catch asㅤsault charges and it'll have consequences even if it was just a slap. But when you physically asㅤsault a little, developing human who is legally, emotionally and materially dependant on you and can't remove themself from the situation by any means, it's seen as "parenting" and "discipline" and nobody gives a shㅤit, some people even encourage it.
#41
Happy Mother’s Day
Breadcrumb. 14 hours ago
I've had so many mothers since my birth one up and left when I was 5. Thanks ladies.
#42
You’ve Changed (Condescending Tone)
Queen Typo 5 hours ago
My ex husband said this. He wanted to reconcile and I laid out the minimum requirements for that to even be a possibility. I laughed and said, well yes. That is what happens when I realized I don’t need you in my life, I can raise my kids safely, I have value and self respect. I can get a job and make friends. I can do and be all things that you wouldn’t allow but then blamed me for not doing and being those things. So now I know that I’m the powerful one. And that you have to earn my respect and trust because you broke that for years.
#43
Or Even Better, Facts From My Little Brother When He Was 9
Lukas (he/him) 6 hours ago
"You're not a boy, you were such a princess growing up!" And? Dresses are still pretty and they go swish, that doesn't mean I'm not a boy.
#44
We Made Ourselves Kind!
Rudie Cant Fail 2 hours ago
As Morrissey once crooned "It takes strength to be gentle and kind." As a young person, figured that was Morrissey just doing his Smiths bit. After a lot of time and reflection, it DOES take strength to be gentle and kind
#45
Like This
StrangeOne 2 hours ago
Weird how photos like these were on another thread for shaming living spaces like these.
#46
The Feeling Of Utter Dread
#48
I Feel Like This Belongs Here Because We All Know This Pain
#49
Anyone Who Gets This Too?
#50
Homework Time Was Always Hell. Got Hit With Textbooks Like That Would Help Me Understand??
Queen Typo 5 hours ago
I spent more time crying over homework and being grounded for bad grades.
#51
Saw This On Twitter, It Reminded Me Of When Nparent Used To Go Through My Phone And Diary Even When I Was Like 6. Did Anyone Else Have Any Experiences Like This?
#52
Pretty Much
Breadcrumb. 14 hours ago
Child who are bullies usually have parents that are bullies. I've seen it so many times.
#53
Not Mine But I Thought You Would All Appreciate It
#54
Here's A Picture I Really Liked
#56
Oh The Invalidation And Pain We Go Through
#57
Wish My Parent Knew This
#58
Acting Dumb
#59
It Took Me Until I Was 31 To Even Recognize What My Favorite Color Is. Who Else Had Nparents That Tried To Sabotage The Formation Of Your Identity?
StrangeOne 2 hours ago
Yup. I was expected to wear dresses, keep my hair long, be silent, talk only when spoken to, and only do something if it's going to be done right, no practicing until it's done right. Just do it right.
#60
I Felt This
Luke || Kira (he/she) 6 hours ago
Well, I do that, but not because of trauma - I just want some uninterrupted time to do... private business and watch cringeworthy anime 😆
#65
💯💯
#67
I've Been Doing Research In My Free Time To Un-Learn All The Negativity And Toxic Behaviours. Thanks For Nothing
#69
I Always Thought I Was The Only Person Who Had Created A Different Version Of Myself To Be Around My Nmom. Grateful I Found This Group
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
I'm not sure my mother could name my favorite color, my favorite movie, or my favorite book. I don't think she knows my favorite food or drink. The only thing she probably does know is that wolves are my favorite animal, but I've made that pretty obvious in my life XD
#71
Not Necessarily Narcissistic But Definitely Displays A Lack Of Respect/Boundaries
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
This is exactly why I've had a Post Office box for decades now. My mother would open all my mail and would use the excuse "Oh, I didn't see who it was addressed to!" if I protested (or pointed out that it's a federal offense.) Had to get a PO box because she was never going to stop opening my mail/packages.
#72
Just Cried A Tear Of Happiness After Reading This. I Broke The Cycle Finally. My Kid Does Not Have To Go Through The Pain Of Dealing With Nparents
#73
Why Are You Angry With Me ¿
#76
This... Makes A Lot Of Sense For Me. I Always Agree That My Parents Could Be Worse And I Do Wish Things Were Worse So I'd Feel Justified
#77
Hmm
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
A lot of who and what I am is because I did NOT want to be like my mother. My sister ended up exactly like my mother and she is miserable, but she doesn't understand why. The hilarious (except not really hilarious) thing is that the two of them are exactly alike, and yet they fight with each other constantly and horrifically.
#80
Meeting My In Laws And Seeing What Real Families Are Like
#84
Anyone Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents Would Understand
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