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We often hear the phrase that kids can be quite mean, and this holds true, especially towards their peers. The thing is, if they are not held accountable for their actions, it can soon turn into bullying behavior as they grow up and internalize it.
This mom is quite distraught because her 8-year-old son is the only one who was not invited to his classmate’s birthday party. Concerned that he might feel rejected, she ranted online and wondered whether she should publicly call out the mean boy’s parents for their kid’s actions!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
When kids are not held accountable for their actions, they can turn into bullies as they grow up
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s 8-year-old son came home crying as one of his classmates (M) invited everyone to his birthday party, except him
Image credits: sumogirl
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When he asked M about his invitation, M smirked and said that he didn’t make the list
Image credits: sumogirl
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The concerned mom felt that her son would feel rejected, so she contacted the school and also wanted to call out M’s parents publicly
Image credits: sumogirl
The school principal made a policy that invitations were no longer allowed unless the whole class was invited, and the mom felt good about the change
Our story for today revolves around a worried mom, Reddit user sumogirl, who feels awful that her 8-year-old son is the only one in his whole class of 18 kids not invited to a classmate’s birthday party. Apparently, the birthday boy (M) handed out invitations to everyone, and when her son asked M about his invitation, the kid smirked and replied that he didn’t make the list.
No wonder the kid came home crying to his mom about it! She also gives us a little info about M, who gets along fine with her son when they are alone, but in front of his other friends, he suddenly turns on his mean-boy mode. OP feels that since it’s M’s party, he can invite whoever he wants, but then, giving out the invitations in front of her kid and purposely excluding him seems cruel.
Honestly, forget a kid—anyone would feel bad if this happened to them, right? On top of this, OP says that her son already has difficulty fitting in, owing to his love for horses, steam engines, and old musical recordings. However, this just singles him out as someone who is to be rejected and excluded, and he will also feel that way when all the kids keep talking about the party afterward.
Initially, she just felt like confronting M’s parents through the class chat group, but she figured that it might not be good for her son in the end. Well, she gave us an update that she contacted the school and got their teacher involved, and the principal implemented an official policy that states that there will be no invitations in the school unless the whole class is involved.
OP feels this is a good change, and to keep her son distracted on the day of the party, she has planned some fun activities that they will do together!
Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It has been observed that approximately 1 in 6 children report experiences of social exclusion; however, this may under-represent true prevalence rates given the difficulties in measuring social exclusion, which is often undertaken in covert and hidden ways.
Research also states that social exclusion is psychologically painful for kids, and it might have adverse effects on them, such as lowered self-esteem, sadness, and anxiety. As we can see, the mom’s actions were actually quite necessary, as M’s actions might harm her child. In fact, studies have also shown that the most common form of bullying is not physical aggression or verbal threats and insults; it’s social exclusion!
It’s pretty natural that no parent wants their child to be bullied, so folks online felt that the mother did the right thing by contacting the school. Many people also suggested that M’s parents might have given him invitations for everyone, and it might have been the kid himself who wanted to stir up trouble by not inviting the OP’s son.
They stressed that if such was the situation, then she should privately talk to the parents instead of directly calling them out publicly in the class chat. Some also suggested that she should teach her son resilience and how to face such mean people as he is likely to encounter them throughout his life. They felt that it would be a good opportunity to show him not to let someone else’s cruelty define his life.
That does sound like a practical thing to do, because you know what they say: teach them young! However, it’s good to know that OP was able to make a difference and also planned an amazing day for her kid, right? If you were in her shoes, how would you have handled the situation? We would love to hear your thoughts, so leave them in the comments!
Folks sympathized with her but advised her that it would be better to talk to M’s parents rather than call them out publicly
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What do you think ?
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
No, don’t create a policy about having to invite every classmate. They’ll just have to repeal it when a kid ends up being forced to invite the bully who has been tormenting them to their party, and the bully ruins it for everyone else—-or injures someone, or the bullying intensifies. Bad idea. No. Parents, not their kids, should just distribute invitations outside of class—-like mail them, or drop them off at the kids’ houses, or at school drop off or pick up times, or call the other parents yourself to invite their kids. Leave your kid out of any direct activity connected with the invitation, so it doesn’t come back to them in class.
Kathy Brooke 8 months ago
Yep. No handing out invitations in class. Sorted.
Load More Replies...
katiekat0214 8 months ago
Retired secondary teacher here, but let me chime in: around about third grade, kids start expressing preferences for who they want at their parties, and a lot more: what they want to wear, music tastes, and more. They are developing little humans. The school policy of "invite everyone or no one" is absurd, and people will then just find a way to get around it. To my mind it would seem more logical to hand out invitations before school, at recess, after school, just to those kids the birthday person wants to invite. And it's a hard lesson to learn, but kids need to learn: you won't be invited to everything, and life will go on.
Vinnie 8 months ago
It's possible that "not in class" still allows private invitations outside the classroom.
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 8 months ago
I don't think that who gets invited to a childs birthday party has anything to do with the school unless they want to arrange and pay for it, my kids invited whoever they liked to their parties and I'd never put pressure on them to include someone they didn't want to include, if I have a party I invite people that I like and want around me not the people I am expected to invite just because someone might feel left out
Kit Black 8 months ago
It has nothing to do with the school, and therefore the invitations should not be handed out at school - especially with the expressed intent of verbally, making sure that one child knew he was excluded
Load More Replies... Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
No, don’t create a policy about having to invite every classmate. They’ll just have to repeal it when a kid ends up being forced to invite the bully who has been tormenting them to their party, and the bully ruins it for everyone else—-or injures someone, or the bullying intensifies. Bad idea. No. Parents, not their kids, should just distribute invitations outside of class—-like mail them, or drop them off at the kids’ houses, or at school drop off or pick up times, or call the other parents yourself to invite their kids. Leave your kid out of any direct activity connected with the invitation, so it doesn’t come back to them in class.
Kathy Brooke 8 months ago
Yep. No handing out invitations in class. Sorted.
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 8 months ago
Retired secondary teacher here, but let me chime in: around about third grade, kids start expressing preferences for who they want at their parties, and a lot more: what they want to wear, music tastes, and more. They are developing little humans. The school policy of "invite everyone or no one" is absurd, and people will then just find a way to get around it. To my mind it would seem more logical to hand out invitations before school, at recess, after school, just to those kids the birthday person wants to invite. And it's a hard lesson to learn, but kids need to learn: you won't be invited to everything, and life will go on.
Vinnie 8 months ago
It's possible that "not in class" still allows private invitations outside the classroom.
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 8 months ago
I don't think that who gets invited to a childs birthday party has anything to do with the school unless they want to arrange and pay for it, my kids invited whoever they liked to their parties and I'd never put pressure on them to include someone they didn't want to include, if I have a party I invite people that I like and want around me not the people I am expected to invite just because someone might feel left out
Kit Black 8 months ago
It has nothing to do with the school, and therefore the invitations should not be handed out at school - especially with the expressed intent of verbally, making sure that one child knew he was excluded
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