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Someone Asked, ‘What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?’, 40 People Delivered
Interview With Author
Everyone keeps secrets. Big or small, innocent or dark, secrets are a part of who we are as human beings. And even though we might strive to be as transparent as we can, there will always be something that’s left unvoiced and unshared. Even with the people closest to us, our romantic partners. And privacy can, suddenly, morph into secrecy.
The people of Reddit, protected by the anonymity their usernames give them, opened up about the things their partners don’t know. From things that are surprisingly wholesome to secrets that are best left in the dark so they don’t ruin someone’s day. Scroll down and check out these redditors’ honest answers.
Remember to upvote the posts that you enjoyed reading the most, dear Pandas. And if you have any lighthearted secrets that your partner doesn’t know about, you can spill them in the comment section.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral r/AskReddit thread, u/alvl70charizard, to get their perspective on secrets in relationships. They were kind enough to answer our questions. Scroll down for our interview with them.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I try to give her the “better half of life”.
If there are two pieces of pizza left and one piece is burnt, I’ll take the burnt one. She gets the good piece.
If I’m going to shower and there’s one normal towel left, I will use a hand rag or something to dry off — she gets the towel.
If there’s that unwanted end of the bread loaf, I’ll make myself a sandwich using that sad end piece . I’ll then make her sandwich with the good pieces .
I do this all the time for the smallest things. She never knows.
I try to make her life better in those small ways
Kell Goreham 3 years ago
I thought I was the only one! Only I'm the woman in this relationship and he has had no idea
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Daren Tan 3 years ago
In my case, we both are scrambling to get the "sad end piece" and leave the not so sad one to the other.
PeachPossum 3 years ago
I use those sad end pieces to make a not-so-sad breakfast bread pudding for two. Then we can both enjoy them.
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Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
I had a beloved that I treated him this way for sixteen years, ten months and five days. He passed away in January. I was blessed to have him. He was my later in life love. Love you Danny 😘.
Gin 3 years ago
How loved he must have felt. What wonderful memories you must have.
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Bardhi's Dad 3 years ago
I am doing the same. But sometime my wife finds it out, and she becomes angry. Not in bad way
Stew 3 years ago
I bet both of you love each other a lot. It's just cute when a couple fights so that one of them stops sacrificing their happiness for the other.
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Missi Boness 3 years ago
Omg every human needs to try to be exactly like this for their partner. This IS LOVE.
Peej Maybe 3 years ago
I always do this too. In the grand scheme of things it's probably insignificant, but it's just another tiny way to show your love for someone. Even if they never notice (and quite often they don't), you will know you've done it.
yeciye 3 years ago
That doesn’t sound healthy long term; perhaps you should give yourself that better half, half the time?
lenka 3 years ago
My husband does these things for me every single day. He thinks I don't notice, but I do. Tiny little things that make my life better in small but very significant ways. It's how he expresses his love for me and it brings him joy to make these gestures even at his own expense. I know this - because I have my own ways of doing tiny little things that attempt to make his life better every single day - and it brings me joy to see him smile and to know that I made a difference for him today. That's exactly what a healthy long term relationship looks like.
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Clementine Smith 3 years ago
As someone who has a partner who does this as well , we know. We notice these little things and we truly appreciate it <3
Redditor u/alvl70charizard told Bored Panda that they're "a huge fan" of the r/AskReddit subreddit. "I find myself often scrolling endlessly reading some of the most passionate people give their opinions and life experiences. The night before posting, I had a conversation with my friends and my partner about the 'little things' in a relationship. Things like fears, interests, and future goals," they opened up about the inspiration behind the question they asked.
"The conversation was fun and eventful with everyone giving their two cents, but the group quickly moved on to another topic. But like many others, I tend to overanalyze, and found myself asking, 'What’s one thing my partner doesn’t know?' Or, 'What’s one thing I don’t know about my partner?'" the redditor shared how they started thinking more and more about relationships and honesty.
"Now I like to think that my wife and I are super open about our relationship, but surely there’s something we don’t know right? So, I asked her and much to my surprise she said, 'Everything and anything I know you know.' I felt relieved almost instantly, but I figured someone out there needed to answer the question for their own well-being. So, I created the question in the thread!"
RELATED:
#2
That I don't need to read aloud. My girlfriend struggles with insomnia but for some reason when I talk to her late at night she passes out almost immediately. So whenever I read a book I read out loud softly under the guise that it helps me focus. It works every time :)
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I have insomnia, but my husband hates reading - maybe that's why I'm on bored panda @ 2:30 am! Love is not lost just sleeping!
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Don't Look 3 years ago
My SO has dyslexia. Has to mumble read out loud. I've learned to listen to that while reading myself. You do what you can for the other.
Cyndi Wright 3 years ago
Wow! I thought my husband was weird because he can only fall asleep if I'm talking to him. Small world.
Natalia Allen 3 years ago
I don't have a partner but this post made me laugh as I remember trying to read my daughter to sleep, which did work but not for at least an hour :)
#3
My wife is prone to nightmares and often whimpers or screams in her sleep when she has one. I can reassure her without waking her and get her to feel safe enough that she makes happy little cooing noises while she’s still sound asleep. I’ve been doing this for her for over thirty years.
Jaekry 3 years ago
Adorable. And reassuring is wholesome. The nightmare might end, but the feelings usually linger some time afterwards.
Kai David 3 years ago
My husband will get awful nightmares. I just hold him tight and rub his head. I make sure he is holding his stuffed dog.
Poultry Geist 3 years ago
I get sleep paralysis often ! I’ve gotten to a point where I can move my hand and make noises that (funny enough ) sound like a ghost apparently! In my state of paralysis in my dream I’ll be screaming but it comes out of mouth sounding like I’m pretending to be a ghost! My other half has to wake me up all the time from it! It’s scary and it sucks at the moment but I always think it’s funny when we talk about it later in the day !
Susan Green 3 years ago
I have always suffered with horrible nightmares since I was very young. There has been no reason for that, I just did. My husband ending up realizing that it’s pointless to try and wake me up when I’m having a bad nightmare, so he instead presses his body against mine and wraps his arms around me, it works every time.
Don't Look 3 years ago
Any chance she also gets sleep paralysis? It's horrifying when you have a nightmare and cannot move in your mind or in reality.
Jay Anderson 3 years ago
A strong mans protection for his beloved wife is priceless. My wife loves when I do that also
Redditor u/alvl70charizard revealed to Bored Panda that, in their opinion, they definitely think that honesty is always the best policy in any romantic relationship. They also practice what they preach. "I think my partner and I have created a space where that is true. If there is something going on in our lives, it’s better to be there together and tackle it head-on as a unit rather than individuals," they mused.
In their view, a partner should 'ideally' be comfortable sharing everything. "But there are situations where withholding information may be for that person’s mental and physical benefit. The question then arises, 'Is that the right thing to do?' I honestly don’t know."
#4
That I know our daughter's reddit account, and that I check in on her regularly.
I feel deep, profound guilt about following her, because while I respect her privacy I know that she has significant physical and emotional issues. She's at college out of state, and battles with clinical depression and an unusual and incurable chronic illness, and she really, really tries not to let on to the world when she's going through a rough patch. She'll make a comment or post something that lets me know that she's feeling crushed or broken, and I'll co-incidentally reach out to her the next day and give her an opening to talk about anything that's bothering her. Most of the time it works and she'll vent for awhile and feel a little better. Some of the time we just trade pictures of cats. Either way, she knows that she's loved and that someone is thinking of her.
If I told my wife about this? She'd blow the whole thing up and like a bull in a china shop she'd make it pretty clear that she knew our daughter's account and immediately interject herself into our daughter's life so she could fix everything. I understand that, because my wife is brilliant and protective and only sees the world in black and white. But I also understand that my daughter has to fix her own life - and that she's doing it every day, but that it doesn't hurt to have someone text her out of the blue and tell her a dad joke and try and make her laugh while she's doing it.
I wrestle with the idea that I'm simultaneously a bad parent and a bad husband because of this. I've been married for almost thirty years, and this is the only thing I've ever kept from my wife. I hate it, but it's a hole I dug for myself, so I have to sit in it alone.
Deborah B 3 years ago
As a daughter, and an adult coping with chronic illness and depression, I have to say this is a wonderful way to support and love your daughter. You aren't obligated to share every detail of your father-daughter relationship, thoughts, or communications with your wife.
Justine Queequag 3 years ago
Exactly dad daughter relationships are sacred
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Joe D 3 years ago
cut yourself some slack man. sounds like having your wife involved (in this way) would make the situation worse. sounds to me like you made a conscious and _informed_ decision of what helps your daughter and what wouldn't help. sounds like she's a daddy's girl. i'm a momma's boy :) it was horribly hard for my family to realize that they could not fix my addiction. that is something I had to learn how to do all by myself.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Damn... my daughter has a lot of mental struggles and a intellectual disability but her dad could care less. Doesn't ask about her. Some of her struggles were a result of his actions and emotional outbursts, so she doesn't have a relationship with her dad anymore. You sound like an outstanding Dad.
Mam cymraeg 3 years ago
Sometimes you need the somewhat sneaky approach to help your kids my husband is also a black and white person and at times kids need sone one who sees the grey
Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago
50 shades of grey... in an entirely wide spectrum of life's events.....
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elSti 3 years ago
If one day she finds out, she'll understand how lucky she was having you standing behind her silently. Maybe not at first, but she'll get there. That's what i believe and I think the dad is a great example.
Nunya Bus 3 years ago
This is beyond lovely. This is being a parent! You're there for her but also allowing her to find her own way without judgement, without censorship. Sometimes good people do "bad" things for good reasons. You understand that life is NOT black and white and we are all just doing the best we can with what we have.
Fus 3 years ago
Bad parent? Parenting win! And when she is older and gets through this, let her know.
Joyce Scott 3 years ago
I think this Dad is discerning enough to know if he should disclose this information or should not! And l think he will also know when...Way to go Father!
Load More Replies... Elvis Bellini 3 years ago
You sound like a man who understands and respects 2 women. Lucky them. Not all secrets are bad. Your secret is a gift..
Dana McCall 3 years ago
That is great parenting! First, because nothing on the internet is private, you aren't spying. Your keeping an eye out and offering a lifeline when your daughter needs it. It may feel bad to keep that secret from your wife but if she bulldozed through trying to "fix" everything, it might drive your daughter away from both of you.
#5
Boyfriend has financial struggles, not because of anything he’s ever done. His mother is mentally unwell and his father can’t work for various reasons. He’s been the sole provider for his family since he was a teen and has to balance his job on top of being the top 5% in his university cohort to maintain two scholarships.
He had to put his mom in a psychiatric hospital by himself when he was 19. He had no support from relatives except his grandma, who doesn’t have an income herself but tries her best. He currently is raising his younger brother and paying rent for the both of them. He acts strong about it but he gets “financial panics” very very often.
In comparison, my family isn’t rich but we’re definitely lucky enough to be comfortable. My parents pay my tuition, but I still work part time (teaching) because I don’t get any pocket money and I also enjoy it. I’m a very frugal person though so a lot of it just gets saved up.
So, sometimes I secretly transfer some money into his account. I pretend to “borrow” his phone and delete the SMS notification off of it. He’s never noticed. It’s not a lot of money but I like to think it helps him get a little bit of extra something.
T. D. Bostick 3 years ago
There's no way he's not noticing deposits into his account if he ever checks his balance.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
He’ll also see the account it’s coming from so will know it’s from his partner (assuming they have each other’s account details for transfers etc).
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
I did that with a boyfriend in the last who was a struggling student while I was employed full time. Back then there was no such thing as an EFT. I found out I could fill out a deposit slip, hand it plus the cash or check to the teller, tell them who the deposit was for and why, and they would very happily fill in the account numbers (which I never saw, of course) and process the deposit. The first time, I was surprised when I found out I could do it. The teller said they’re ore than happy for me to deposit money INTO one of their customer’s account, even though my name isn’t on it—-trying to take money OUT OF an account my name isn’t on is quite another story.
Ashlisha 3 years ago
Very sweet of you! Ironically I have to jump through hoops at times to pay bills that are set up in my husbands name. Like I would maliciously pay someone else's bill lol.
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Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
Sounds lovely. But, he will notice if he really has problems. As someone who has lived with very little... every little thing counts and you have constant control of how much (little) you have left. Down to the very last cent. So, if the story is true - he will notice. Still a good thing to do!
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
If he's so detailed about his finances that he gets panic attacks from them, there's no way he hasn't noticed.
Cosgrove Penfold 3 years ago
There's zero chance a person struggling financially doesn't notice that kind of thing, but it's a lovely sentiment.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
Very strong and compassionate man in the making, with a wonderful and understanding person besides him
DDmaybeandor 3 years ago
That’s the way the Bible says to approach things too, believe it or not. Give in secret, don’t make it a big thing because if you’re really doing it for someone else, it’s not about you getting praised for it.
Anne Allen 3 years ago
Friends are good to have. I know you are a couple but being friends too is good. I've done this as well for friends and have never regretted it.
#6
When we watch movies together we always snack. One of our favorites to munch on during the movie are the Sour Punch Bites. She takes all the blue ones because I don't like them and they are her favorite - always says how lucky she is that worked out like that.
The blue ones are also my favorite, but she can have them.
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
I had to google what that is and I found that you can buy bags of just blue ones. Why don‘t you buy those and both be happy?
yeciye 3 years ago (edited)
It’s the classic “I’ll be unhappy for my partner”. What if she secretly hates the blue ones and pretends to like them because she sees your joy? You two should talk more.
C. Wade 3 years ago
Oh come on it's some stupid candy lol. If he thinks it makes her happy (which in turn makes him happy) and/or it actually makes her happy, that's all that matters. Works the other way around too. Y'all are too quick to shout "toxic".
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Bobert Robertson 3 years ago
Where do the sell these? In Canada I've never seen these but we have sour patch kids which I imagine are similar?
They referred to one of the posts in their thread as an example of how difficult it is to decide on what to do in certain cases: "For example, one of the posts in the thread discussed how a user hadn’t told his wife that her mother called for her right before she passed away. She had left the room just minutes before and he never told her. Personally, I don’t know what I would have done or said in a similar situation."
Situations like that fall into a bit of a grey area and, according to the redditor, "a majority of people would agree it comes down to the person and the situation." In short, there's no easy answer about total whether or not total honesty is possible (or even recommended) in extremely delicate situations that can have a deep, lasting, negative impact on your partner.
"I would just like to add a huge thank you to everyone in the Reddit community that submitted any responses. Especially those that wrote some personal information it means a lot when a community can come together and talk about their lives like we did," the redditor praised their fellow internet users.
#7
She suffers from depression, and when she hits a slump she feels like laying in bed and doing nothing, even though 99.9% of the time just getting out of bed and doing something, ANYTHING will make a dramatic difference in her day. So usually when she hits a slump I'll manufacture some fake emergency that only she can help me solve, like "hey babe I think one of the cats has a scratch on his face but he won't hold still for me to look." Of course, the cat is fine, but I just tricked her into getting out of bed and doing something, and that's always the hardest part.
Vera 3 years ago
As someone who recognises this mood and behaviour, you're doing a kind thing for her.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Sometimes we just know what to do for our SO, I think psychology books call it empathy - nice word right?
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Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago (edited)
I do this to my hubby all the time. We have 2 German shepherds so I just tell him I slept wrong and can't handle both of them but they have to poop so I can't just put them on the runner.
ElPando 3 years ago
Exactly this. We have 2 Malinois and a Shiba Inu. One of the Mals is my service animal. Taking them out in the yard, even if just for a brief time, always helps.
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Rachael Coleman-Dean 3 years ago
B VITAMINS. Please! If you are reading this, and you are struggling even in the smallest way with depression, go and take a super plus B vitamin, take it with every meal I don't care if it says one a day. I was suicidal for most of my life, never knowing I was so low in B vitamins. My little cousin, he took his life last year. I wake up every morning and the first thing I have to feel, think, is I get to wake up today, and he doesn't. I just want one more chance to hug him. Please, take care of yourself, you're only reading this right now because I did, and the world would be poorer without you.
Kerri Peek 3 years ago
Aa someone with depression sometimes just let her recover. Depression is physical and has physical pain and exhaustion. It's very real and you might exhausting her unnecessarily. You're trying to be sweet but on the other hand it's as if you don't understand clinical Depression. Pushing her to deal with a fake emergency is another burden on her that she can barely handle. You may be exacerbating her illness. To get her out of bed get her to see a Dr and try meds and therapy. I didn't get out of bed for a decade. Not exaggerated, from 2009 to 2019 I stayed in bed most of the time. I still have flares but therapy and meds changed my life dramatically. I do go out frequently now. My home isn't trashed. I engage. Seriously recommend it.
Karen Phillips 3 years ago
My husband is bipolar and has anxiety, so I completely understand. He doesn't want to leave our bedroom most days but I'll get him to go outside to see what the dog is fusing about or run to the gas station for a coke. It gets him moving around some, which helps a little. You're awesome. God bless you and her both.
Fieke Engelen 3 years ago
Happy for your solution but doesn't she want to know about the scratches etc??
#8
That most of the times I ask my wife for a hug are when she's feeling down or upset, because she doesn't like to be "clingy or needy" so she internalises and goes quiet.
I tell her I need a hug because of one thing or another so I can comfort her without making her feel like she's inconveniencing me.
Pittsburgh rare 3 years ago
I really felt this. I also have trouble externalising if l'm feeling upset so this is really thoughtful
Bee she/her 3 years ago
I have a thing where I don’t like asking for help with this too. My friends have learned this and when I seem upset they ask me if I need a hug.
Wisteria Lacoss-Arnold 3 years ago
My mom does something like this with my dad. He has depression and anxiety and is generally an introvert but he likes helping people so when she can tell that he is feeling overwhelmed or anxious she starts acting slightly upset and he comes over to give her a hug I can see them both visibly relax when they're hugging. Even when I was little I always felt like there was something kind of sacred about those moments and I would try not to disturb them.
Black Pearl 3 years ago
This is super sweet. When I'm just sitting there feeling all the feels I wish I had someone to hug me.
Tara Robinett 3 years ago
This is so good! I really miss hugs but I don’t give them very often because I don’t want to be pushy. My grown kids don’t seem to want hugs, at least from me, very often. Some days I think I may just wither away from lack of physical touch.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Some times you don't need a full on hug just a touch a rub across the back when passing, seems to do the trick for us!
Tara Robinett 3 years ago
I rarely ask for a hug but I miss them so much! My grown kids don’t really want hugs so I don’t push but some days I feel like I will just die from lack of physical touch.
Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago
Tara, I'm sending you some virtual hugs.... XXXXXXXXX
Load More Replies... #9
That her mom called for her the moment before she died. When her mom was dying she was in the room with her for almost 24 hours straight and left for 30 seconds and I was there and in those 30 seconds her mother died but not before calling for my wife. I don't know if it will haunt her or not, but I just don't think it's something she needs to know
René Studer 3 years ago
Understandable, It would probably haunt her. I know I wouldn’t take that well.
Kate Johnson 3 years ago
I would feel devastated to discover that in the very last I'd left when she wanted me. This is very kind. Very kind.
Load More Replies... Vasana Phong 3 years ago
My father just passed 2/25/22 at home, I missed him by 30 minutes, my brother’s flight from Florida, was delayed for 1 hour , so many ifs and maybes, why’s, I think he didn’t want us hurting more seeing him those final moments
Hedgeh og 3 years ago
I've heard so many stories of people dying in the very brief period a loved one is out of the room. Too many just to be coincidence. I'm glad this poster didn't tell his wife. It wouldn't have made any difference and it could really haunt her, as he said.
Jp@nda 3 years ago
It's true, hospice nurses see and hear it all the time. It's almost like their spirits are there with you and they wait and spend their last earthly time together with you, but it's only when they're alone that they can finally cross over, unless it's something like a tragic accident where nobody knew it was coming
Load More Replies... Kai David 3 years ago
My dad had severe Alzheimer's. Towards the end, he was completely incoherent when he spoke. He kept calling for me by my full name. The morning nurse came to get me. (we had him at home). I walked into the room and he recognized me immediately. He then asked-qui a appuyé sur le bouton? I looked at him and said-j'appuie sur le bouton. He smiled at me, closed his eyes and died. (When I was a young kid, my first time in a lift. Excited, I ran my hand all over the buttons declaring j'appuie sur le bouton. Everyone groaned. 32 floors. The I push the button became a life long joke between the two of us. Now whenever I say j'appuie sur le bouton, my husband grabs both of my hands.)
Alex the Country Dog 3 years ago
That is a beautiful story of your bond. Sorry for your loss.
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Emilie 3 years ago
When my Grandad my mum had sat by his bed for days and she went to take a 30 minute break, that was when he died. She believes that it was because he couldn't die with her there and didn't want her to see that.
Gina Babe 3 years ago
I was thinking this about the post. She was probably waiting
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Louloubelle 3 years ago
My aunt was with my mother right before she stroked and became brain dead. The last thing she did was call for me, and I was at work. We didn't know just how near the end she was. It was 33 years ago and haunts me to this day. I wish I hadn't been told.
Certified relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. The former can be harmful to a relationship if left unchecked while the latter is a healthy part of living.
She told us during an earlier interview that transparency is vitally important in any relationship that you pursue, but especially in romantic ones. If you’re ever stuck wondering whether or not you should tell your partner something, the first thing you should do is put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they would want.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda.
#10
I rub her back when she's asleep because she makes happy noises and I like to think it makes her have better dreams... I do also do this to the dog though.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
My dog and I both growl if you try to move us when we're comfortable lol
G Victoria Pardee 3 years ago
My husband and I used to do that for each other. He's passed now and I really miss it.......
#11
Just how often I check her out. She brags to her friends that I'll check her out 10 times a day. Dearest voluptuous woman, that's how many times I make sure you catch me. I am stealing glances the entire time we share any space.
Kai David 3 years ago
I do this often to my husband. I often chase him like a love struck teenage boy, especially in public. He acts annoyed, but his face is often flushed red and full of joy when I do this
the electric frog 3 years ago
ok, this is really cute. both for you and the person in this post
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
That's so sweet. My husband is the same way-and I'm 62! Makes me feel great even tho l know I'm not "40" anymore.
Allistrata GG4 3 years ago
I can't stop smiling because THIS! I love having my voluptuousness appreciated.
Eunice Robertson 3 years ago
We were always touching each other. I once said to him, "Why don't you tell me you love me?" bc I was always saying it to him. He said, "But you know I do." and I did bc of the physicality between us. Now that he's gone, that's what I miss most, the touching, to show me how much he loved me.
#12
My husband's birthday is Christmas Eve. Unfortunately his birthday gets forgotten a lot. The first year we were married almost no one remembered, and although he claimed it didn't bother him, I could see that it really did. So now I send out a text first thing on the morning on Christmas Eve, and all everyone to take a moment to wish him a happy birthday, and explicitly stated that no one is to let him know that I've sent out the text. Almost 12 years in, and he hasn't found out
Kate Todd 3 years ago
Such a lovely kind thing to do. My birthday is on the 23rd of December and it' often gets overlooked. It's nice to be remembered on your birthday
Bobby 3 years ago
All of us close to xmas get this I think. I never had a real birthday party until I was 30(wife threw a big surprise for me) because as a kid all my friends were busy with family stuff cause of the holidays
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Ann Coffman 3 years ago
Ahhh, the New Year's Eve baby!!! Just pick another day later in the year and make it yours!
Load More Replies... Lytha Hawkeye 3 years ago
I do this every year for my hubby, but the moment everyone starts sending him happy birthday messages (other than his family) he looks at me and goes "You texted everyone again didn't you" and then I give him a cheesy smile. He just laughs and says he loves me and gives me a kiss. Every April 23rd until the day we die
Michaelann Dahlman 3 years ago
I still remember when I turned 5 (1965) & my parents were having a big Christmas party. My uncle pulled me aside & told me that he knew how cheap most of our family was & assured me that he made sure I got 2 nice presents. Hilariously, several other family members told me the same thing. So, the best birthday ever! (Except for throwing up on the cat, sorry Bootsie).
Shelley 3 years ago
Yep. My partner’s birthday is December 20th and they have the same problem. I usually take them out for a special date on their birthday and their gift is something that goes with their Christmas gift (this year I got them vinyl records of Sturgill Simpson’s “Cuttin’ Grass” Volume I on their birthday and Volume II for Christmas). When the pandemic is over I’ll probably have a nice birthday party for them on their birthday or birthday weekend instead, so they can actually be celebrated as the center of attention instead of sharing a birthday party with Wonderkid Jesus every year. Like yeah, Jesus was pretty cool and the water into wine trick is definitely noteworthy, but Jack deserves a birthday party too.
Don't Look 3 years ago
Mine is on 12/30. My SO tries to keep it stress free for me. I hate other people knowing of it.
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she said that we should strongly consider opening up about a secret if it has a direct effect on our loved ones.
Of course, every situation is different and in some cases, a bit of discretion might save our partners a world of hurt. However, that really depends on the secret in question. And the secret-keepers have to take into account the fact that trust is incredibly hard to rebuild after it’s been broken.
Alex said that it is “always a challenge” to rebuild that trust. The bigger the secret, the longer it will take. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
#13
My husband borrows my concealer sometimes to cover up acne. Problem is, he has this beautiful olive skin and I have very fair skin…it didn’t match but he was too embarrassed to buy his own concealer so he insisted on just using whatever I was using. So I bought him his own and put it in the spot where he knows to look for mine. It took me a few tries but I eventually got the right color match
Joonscrab 3 years ago
I wish it was just normal and simple for boys to do makeup, but you're so sweet!
Oak Middleman 3 years ago
I wish it was just normal for nobody to do make up
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Jp@nda 3 years ago
Actually Alex Rodriguez has a men's cosmetics line specifically for stuff like this. His concealer is called a blur stick and is made for men's faces and skin
Melissa Hollowell 3 years ago
My husband uses my green primer after shaving to color correct the inevitable redness.
Petra Biedermann 3 years ago
That is so sweet of you! Sometimes it helps to ditch dairy products to get rid of acne! worked for me and my friends.
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
Idk why make up like that is only for women. It's 2022, open minds learn so much you can't learn in school or in a book.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
This is lovely! Guys - use make-up if you want. There is no reason why you shouldn't!
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
I think it’d be fine to tell him you’d bought one that matched his skin rather than him thinking he is still using yours. I imagine the embarrassment that he feels about concealer is buying it himself and/or other people knowing he uses it (not that he should feel embarrassed).
#14
I bought the flowers his workplace sent him when his mother died. Everyone else in his family were sent flowers by their work except him and I was utterly furious. He’s a teacher and both of us have made a lot of personal sacrifices for his job but when I contacted them I was told they couldn’t send him anything because it would “set a precedent” or some bollocks. So I told them I’d pay and I bought a huge bouquet and sent it to him. It really meant a lot which makes me even sadder.
Tsuki Ghost 3 years ago
But they would want to set a precedent to be pay in order to be decent humans being...
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Hedgeh og 3 years ago
It IS awful but then education in many countries is not properly supported, and people get angry when money is spent on things other than direct costs of teaching. Yes, it's a problem, just like when people get angry when charities spend money on "overhead" and "administration". Mostly, that just means decent computer equipment, desks, non-poverty salaries but people don't understand how non-profits work and they expect all the money to go "to the programs". The general public needs to learn more about this and then speak up to change it, in both instances. No reason teachers and non-profit workers should be treated as less-than.
Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago
They could still take up a collection, which I am relatively certain his colleagues would gladly join in on!
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J Aislynn d'Merricksson 3 years ago
What 'precedent' don't they want to set? Showing sympathy for an employee's tragedy? Might be a good precedent to set....
John Wilson 3 years ago
The sad bit is that flowers should really have come from his colleagues pooling some money, not the institution, yet none of them thought to do that?
#15
Whenever we get fast food to go, she enjoys eating the extra fries which have fallen out of their carriage and into the bag. I'm not really sure why she enjoys them so much but whenever there aren't any, I drop a few down when grabbing my fries secretly and then give her the bag. It's been 8 years haha. I always grab my fries last and she's never noticed.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
One of my friends and her partner fight over the bag chips lol.
Storm Rise 3 years ago
Those are labeled "Dog Bounty' in our house and woe betide anyone who steals the dogs chips! ;-)
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BJames 3 years ago
For me those straggler fries are are known as bagglers.
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Michele Walker 3 years ago
Everyone should know this basic rule of life! 😂
Load More Replies... OmbreColor 3 years ago
I don't understand what is so good about Bag Fries, all I know is that I love them.
Bernát Bonda 3 years ago
I call them "present potato". Best thing in life finding one left after finshed eating áll the other stuff
Allistrata GG4 3 years ago
Ahhh, bag fries. Go to Five Guys, they drop in tons of bag fries intentionally.
Synsepalum 3 years ago
They stay crispy, that's why. The heat from the other fries in the bag make them soggy faster, but the ones that fall in the bag are still warm and crispy.
#16
I pretend to be asleep when he wakes up because I love how sweetly he wakes me up :)
Karla Littke 3 years ago
Like when you were a little kid and you were fake sleeping in the car on the ride home, so one of your parents has to carry you in. =)
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
Cute.. or..you wake HIM up.maybe he's also waiting for that
#17
One time, when I was making his favorite dinner (baked chicken tenders) I didn't have any eggs so I dredged the chicken in mayo before breading it (he hates mayo). He said it was the best batch I've ever made and had seconds. I will take this to my grave.
Lisa Casserly 3 years ago
Ha, ha. My husband hates ranch dressing. But his favorite pot roast is made with ranch dressing. He doesn't know, and I'm not telling him, either.
Francine MacBride 3 years ago
Works for grilled cheese too - when you don't have butter. IT's AMAZING.
Don't Look 3 years ago
Well, that's unfortunate. I mean that he's so against a food ingredient that it could ruin his perception.
Elizabeth Butler 3 years ago
Mayo is GREAT under breading--and I don't have to waste an egg. I mix mayo with lemon zest for breading fish.
Patricia Stilwell 3 years ago
Mayo is only whipped eggs and oil, so he'll likely never realize
#18
I always make sure he has the best softest towel for him to dry himself after a shower.
I make sure he gets the big cup so he doesn't have to get up to refill.
I lie to him how much his medicine costs because I don't want him to stress. It takes me a month to pay it off (we buy a three month supply).
I buy the best meat and chicken so his stomach doesn't have problems and don't tell him about the price. So he just eats happily and with no stress.
I pat-pat every one of his shirts (when folding laundry) with my hand so my loving energy goes in it to protect him and for him to hopefully not have stomach ache that day.
Elliot Fowler 3 years ago
Why does the pat-pat one hit different? Even though it involves zero sacrifce unlike the others.
Peter Lyons 3 years ago
My wife used to add a fruit salad to my lunch or sometimes she would make my lunch. I could always taste the extra love she put into it
Jessica Cifelli 3 years ago
Wonder if this is the wife of the other poster that said he will give his wife the better slice of pizza while he eats the burnt slice.
Betsy Novack 3 years ago
We forget the things we did when falling in love. And those little things are felt when they go missing. We did them without even thinking about it. And aren't aware how much they meant to each other.
#19
I put "no salt" salt into his salt shaker he keeps on his table near his video games. He is notorious for over-salting his food and has high blood pressure. I've been doing this for almost 4 years now. He can't tell the difference.
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
Check with his doctor, too. It's fairly easy to get more potassium than is good for you, and I think there are medications that it interferes with.
Vira 3 years ago (edited)
I was just about to say this! I thought about using the "no salt" but apparently it can actually interact very badly with some medications. Not all blood pressure/heart related maladies are caused by, or changeable by, diet, so changing to supplemental foods can actually make things worse. Sometimes it's just genetics.
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Elliot Fowler 3 years ago
Gets a pass since health is involved. Like placebo medicine
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Zaza 3 years ago
Plot twist: He is on this list too, saying he knows you put no-salt in his shaker, he hates the no-salt, but swaps it out when you are not looking, so you don't have to be so worried about his blood pressure
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
Oh my. You should never lie to people about what they're putting into their bodies
J. Normal 3 years ago
This game can backfire. I have had family who lied to me and played " she will never know" games. Could not figure out why I kept getting sick when I visited. Found out I have severe allergies to what they were "substituting" in my food. Continued even after informing them of said allergies. I have trust issues and will not trust ANY thing they tell me. I have a saying... don't mess with someone's food!
D K 3 years ago
If he’s unaware of how much potassium he is getting through these salt supplements, it could lead to a serious cardiac event down the road!
Ein Steinbeck 3 years ago
This needs to be at like -300 points. Do people not understand basic chemistry and how dangerous substituting sodium for potassium can be if you don't know what you're eating? JFC people are dumb...
#20
He does not know that he was my teenage crush since I was 12 and I wrote so many beautiful poems on him. We have been married for 6 years and have a child together. I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to tell him that I have always loved him.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 3 years ago (edited)
Eh, I fail to see why you would need courage for that! It's sweet, moving and very flattering for him. I mean, it's not like you were an adult crushing on a teen, leaving them alone and waiting for the teen to become an unsuspecting adult, so you can make your move. (That would be kinda gross, but still basically ok, I guess. Some acquaintance first met when she was 15 and he was 20. He crushed on her immediately, but kept his distance, because he didn't want to be that guy. She really liked him a lot, too, so she asked him out after turning 16, so it wouldn't be illegal for him. 8 years later, they are still a couple.)
Ffaelan Condragh 3 years ago
Well, if he's significantly older than her it's easier in later years to get together. But if he was her crush when she was 10 and he was 20 that could be weird for them.
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Terry Reauxper 3 years ago
I cannot think of any reason why I would feel _any_ negative feelings if my partner revealed this to me. Quite the opposite, actually, and you are probably keeping a secret that would bring him great joy if he were to learn about it.
Magentablu 3 years ago (edited)
maybe OP was much older than their partner? Or married before?
Load More Replies... René Studer 3 years ago
Why would that need courage? He’s your husband not your platonic friend. I think he‘ll be fine with that.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
Something like this really needs to be expressed, i wished I met mine’s when we were this young
Kate Johnson 3 years ago
You will. The longer you're together, the closer you'll be, and at some point you'll tell him and when you see just how flattered and awed he is, you're going to wish that you told him sooner so that he could feel that for so much longer. At the very least, don't throw them out!
#21
That I have a folder of photos on my computer called “Places I have found my wife’s shoes” that is legitimately filled with thousands of pictures of my wife’s shoes that are neither in the closet or shoe rack
I started it years ago as a joke and it has gotten out of hand
Vera 3 years ago
And when your 50th anniversary comes up, you make a giant photo book out of it! It's not just funny, it's also lots of memories of shoes she wore when you were younger :)
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Lol I should do this to my hubby's hats. I found one in a bag in the fridge once 🤣
Sandeep Patel 3 years ago
lol, although i havent taken photos, i can so relate to this. Once i found a shoe (just one) in the bathroom.
Rebecca Clark 3 years ago
Love it! When I was a kid my mother told me I would forever be looking for my shoes. I'm 59. I'm still looking for my shoes. Sometimes I wear two different flip flops or slippers in-house because I can't find the matching one 🙂.
#22
Very early in the relationship after the second date his monitor broke right on Sunday. I knew he was an avid gamer. So I quickly bought a 27" monitor on eBay and told him I had that laying around. While he was on the way to me, I power walked through half the town to get it and quickly changed clothes because it was drizzling. He had low income and no money and I didn't want him to feel like he's in my debt. We're over two years together now.
Vira 3 years ago
It's a nice story. I wish being generous didn't have to involve subterfuge. I despise mind games. I'm not playing a game just to gift something.
Nico Senfineco 3 years ago
Omg.. I think that must happen often! Thinking back at mates who have received new looking gear from girls they date.. lol! Wow! Cool! Haven't been so fortunate myself..but it IS thing.. lol
L.a. Williams 3 years ago
You brought a smile to my face. There need to be more people like you.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
As long as secrets are good and caring you can keep them for a lifetime!
Jeremy Van Portfliet 3 years ago
I honestly can not see the difference when put in a sentence.
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#23
I always give him the bigger towel, leave him the bigger slice of pizza, make sure there’s a few bites of food in the pan because he likes to sneak extra when he puts the dishes in the sink after dinner, hang the covers a little longer on his side of the bed, leave the last three cookies so he has at least two and can leave the last one for me like he likes to do. The list goes on and on, but he will never know how much joy he brings me and how he saves my life everyday. Okay, sap is over, back to regular, un-wholesome internet-ing.
Lisa Reuss 3 years ago
I wonder how many of these women + men who go out of their way to make sure their spouse gets pampered without knowing it are married to each other? I hope they are.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
I do that too. We're both huge Diet Coke fans & I always leave the last one for him.
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
This made my day, imagine how he'd feel if he truly knew how much you love him 💜
Stephan Henkel 3 years ago
How sweet is ghat? You leave the last 3 cookies for him, so he can leave one for you?
#24
That I knew he was planning to propose to me but I still acted surprised.
Married 14 years now, still haven't told him. He is so proud of the idea that he managed to surprise me.
Rachknits 3 years ago (edited)
Me too! He has a story about how my engagement ring set off the metal detector at the airport and how he had to cover it up so I wouldn't guess (we were on our way to Venice and I guessed he would propose there). Thing is I knew all along because my step mum gave the game away before we left (yeah, she was like that). To this day (married 18 years) I pretend I had no idea. He's not on BP
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
Ditto. I got to pick out my ring because I knew what I wanted. But when we went out to dinner one night I saw the outline in his pocket. Gratefully he was too nervous to notice my crappy acting
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
I imagine most people who get engaged have a very good idea it’s going to happen (because they’ve discussed marriage and a lot of partners and other people constantly ask about it). I imagine the exact moment might be unknown but I don’t think a proposal is unexpected for most couples who have already agreed to marry.
Joanne Lawrence 3 years ago
I knew my husband was going to propose eventually, as we had very clearly discussed marriage and he'd asked me to get my proper ring size. But I had no idea when, where, or how he was going to propose. After he proposed, he asked me, "Did you see the ring before?" I said, "No. Why?" I had gone into his closet looking for something and had actually chucked the jewelry store box containing the ring box across the room and he said he found it in a corner. It had not even registered to me what it was because the box-box was so much larger than a ring box and a perfect cube. Haha. I didn't even question it.
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
We always know... men are 3 steps behind in thought process..not their 'fault'
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Deep down I think we really know the diamond is coming but rarely do we know when - so SUPRISE is always a hope of his!
Melissa M 3 years ago
We’ve been trying to plan a wedding for over two years and he still hasn’t officially proposed to me. I have no ring
KWitt 3 years ago
Why are you marrying this (as you describe) horrible man that likes his dog more than you?
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#25
My wife is the biggest softie for animals, and we have birds that nest right in a column on our porch. One day a baby bird fell out and she saw. Well it ended up dying, but I buried it and told her that I saw the momma bird come down and get it. It made her day so much better that I haven't had the heart to tell her it died and probably never will.
I also distract her whenever I see roadkill coming up, or tell her it was just a plastic bag or something.
Miranda Small 3 years ago
I do the same with roadkill for my partner - I'll distract him with a question or put on his favourite song or just say it was some garbage. It doesn't always work, but I know it ruins his day to see some poor animal crushed, so I try to make it better
Lou Lopez 3 years ago (edited)
I thought I was the only one who hated roadkill that much. I live in rural counties with large green tracts in our cities. We always have wildlife dead on the road, but the one that really gets to me is cats. If I see a dead cat, I'm f****d up for the day, but I have this awful compulsive need to look. I guess so that no kitty goes un-mourned? Anyway, it makes every dead cat-like animal a huge source of anxiety and sick dread. So, young racoons, possums, skunks, and on one depressing occasion a dead grey fox, have me sick to my stomach. Then I feel guilty about the sense of relief. :/
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Douglas Turner 3 years ago (edited)
At least once each summer when we are heading into our garden I stop and tell my partner to stop and go wait by the door. I then go and pick up whichever part of a pigeon or squirrel the hawks have left behind and put it out of sight. After a few times she realised I wasn't being rude when I would say You need to stop and go back for a minute. Now she just waits while I make sure the coast is clear...
Chris B 3 years ago
I was front seat passenger in a minibus when a squirrel ran out and did the back and forth panic dance in the road. After we passed it the driver looked in the mirrors and said, "I can't see it." I looked in the mirror and saw it squashed on the road and said, "I can't see it either." Nothing would be achieved by being honest in that situation.
Petra Biedermann 3 years ago
I hope that all the animal lovers and rescuers don't at the same time eat chicken, beef, turkeys, fish etc. Real love for animals is not eating, killing and hurting them!
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
My kids do that for me..I killed a Palmetto in our house by throwing a shoe at it..I cried for 10 min.lol.Icu nurse...cant help the Empath
#26
My wife thinks I always fall asleep next to her when we cuddle at night (we go to bed at different times but I jump in for a few minutes to snuggle before she zonks out). I don’t, I just fake it. But it makes her super happy so every time, I pretend to drift off and she has to wake me and it makes her laugh every time. This has been going on for 9 years.
She’ll never know.
Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
My husband and I snuggle before bed too. Most of the time one or the other is going to stay up but it always feels nice.
Adele Xie 3 years ago
awwwww.!!!!..!!!. also did anyone else have to have a good look at this picture? it looks like they are sitting or smth
#27
When we worked together, someone kept stealing food from my husband’s lunchbox. He started deliberately packing more food. He assumed the person was stealing food because they were hungry and couldn’t afford it.
I found out who did it. She hated him and was doing it to try to piss him off. I told her if she did it again I would make a big stink of it, but never told him because I didn’t want to shatter his illusion that he was doing a nice thing for someone who really needed it.
Update: I think I need to fess up tonight and let him know so many people who aren’t me think he’s a treasure. I may not fit in the house with how big his head is going to get after that though!
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
All treasures should not be buried - they will be appreciated and I'm sure his head won't get in the way!
L.a. Williams 3 years ago
The big head is squishable. I might point out that one woman doesn't like him but leaving food for those who need it is never a bad thing. So keep it up hubby.
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
Was she eating it..cuz I would have added some milk of mag.lol.
#28
How highly I think of her. She is brilliant and capable but has the most insane and deeply rooted case of imposter syndrome I've ever seen.
René Studer 3 years ago
That sounds rough. Good for you to be there for her. A supporting partner or friend makes it a lot easier to deal with mental health issues.
L.a. Williams 3 years ago
That's the truth support can lower hospitalizations and increase days you feel better.
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Madzdad the Bard 3 years ago
My wife is the same way. She left a teaching career when she moved in with me when we were married. She is a mathematician with two masters degrees and is incredibly smart and loves mathematics. I am always finding advanced math jokes, puns and old math books for her. She is studying for a new career in data analytics, but hasn't yet found a job. This really weighs on her and wants to go back to teaching which is just not a good thing. Imposter syndrome hits her very hard and I am afraid it always will.
#29
That I'm over 4 years sober. You think they would have noticed, but when I started going to AA at lunch at work after a hard year of trying and failing, sobriety finally stuck. I had been sober a month and she accused me of being drunk again and that I was obviously sneaking alcohol and clearly I was hungover and that I was a loser who would never get his sh*t together. I thought, "well I won't say anything and work on myself until even she will notice.' So I did, I stayed sober, I got fit, I ran a marathon, I got therapy, I got treatment for what turned out to be adult adhd that had gone undiagnosed for 51 years, I started anti-depressants and generally turned my life around.
She never noticed, and I'm regularly accused of being a lousy drunk by her. About every other week or so. I'd say it hurts, but I'm in such a better place now that I truly don't give a sh*t what a toxic person like that thinks, which makes her even more negative. I've stayed married to her for 26 years, but I don't think I'll make it much farther.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
You sir are frankly married to a shithead dump the b***h and run you deserve much better. Don't be afraid you proved how strong a person you really are !
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
This sounds like a horrible situation to be in for you both. If you have been married for 26 years and only sober for the last 4, then honestly, she is a saint for sticking with you this far. You have done amazing to be sober for 4 years and to turn your life around and you absolutely should be proud of yourself! Throughout this process however, did it occur to you that she might have no trust left? That she has suffered the trauma, disappointment, anxiety, depression and everything that comes with loving an alcoholic? It's soul destroying - watching someone you love struggle with alcoholism and really really hard to regain faith and trust. You might be in a better place but perhaps SHE needs some support?
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
I love your response. Sadly the OP probably won‘t see it, as this was copied off reddit. The comments there were mostly around the lines of „she is toxic, leave her…“
Load More Replies... Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
You need to get help for the two of you. I am a sober alcoholic myself and i know how much it hurts to hear these things all over again. And again. And again. Especially during arguments (no matter what the original problem is and no matter how long you've been sober). To constantly be accused even if you follow the rules (and that's often hard work in itself). There's help to get though, to rebuild trust. I get that she's been hurt but if she constantly mistrust you it will never work. She needs to talk about her hurt and you need to be open about your process - preferably with professional help.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
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Marilyn Ransberry 3 years ago
To be fair you weren’t being honest with what you were doing. However it looks like you now need to start again. Some advice? Don’t keep secrets like this.
Robert Thompson 3 years ago
Been there. Only made it 9 years. I would give up my drink (energy drinks) for lent every year. Discovered that nothing changed when I wasn't all hopped up on caffeine. I could take the abuse, making 6 figures but living paycheck to paycheck (and being accused of not making enough (our rent was $500/month)), the complete lack of respect or gratitude, or even acknowledgement. But when I discovered that she didn't want me to progress at church, that is when I decided that my love for God exceeded my love for her.
Monica Klint 3 years ago
Perhaps have a talk before… you made your life turn around without making her a part of it… being a drunk affected your surroundings so much …. So talk to her if she stayed with you while you drank… and if you still want her. Otherwise then just get out.
Esther Marianne 3 years ago
Sounds like she could benefit from Al-Anon. Does she know that exists?🙂
#30
Every night I turn around to cuddle him and I give his shirt a big sniff because his smell makes me relax.
GenericPanda09 3 years ago (edited)
During the covid lockdowns my fiance had to go into hospital for a while...whilst i couldn't leave the house myself because i was shielding and no visits were allowed anyway the only thing that she wanted me to send her in were one of my t shirts once a week...unwashed...because she finds the smell comforting. so every week i'd send one in and get a new one to sleep in for that week to 'season' it for her. I hate trying to get to sleep in any clothes too.... it was quite the task xd
Kelly Jo Andrews 3 years ago
I steel my boyfriend's shirts. He thought he lost one for a couple weeks until he found it under my pillow. That's when he learned that I slept better smelling him.
MJ 3 years ago
My husband works in a sheet metal fabrication shop. He works very hard so that i can stay home with our 3 yr old daughter, working 9 to 10 hr days, anywhere from 5 to 7 days a week. When he cones home i always give him a kiss then a hug: the kiss because i love him so much, and the hug because he smells like he’s been working in a fab shop. His smell plus the smell of his hard work: they should bottle that stuff.
#31
When we were dating she tickled my feet and I acted as if I wasn't ticklish. 13 years later she will tickle them and be amazed I am not ticklish, everytime it tickles.
I have to hide this forever.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Right? My husband even goes near my sides I'm dead on the floor from laughing.
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Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
I do this with my 5yo daughter. Can't show weakness or they'll want to do it at every opportunity.
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
I feel like EVERY man is like this. HOW DO YOU DO IT??? share your wisdom! Please
Sammi Morgan 3 years ago
Yesss! The will to hold out and see someone frustrated you aren't ticklish on your feet(even though you are) is delightful.
#32
He knows because I tell him a lot, but I don’t think he fully understands how much I love and rely on him. I don’t think he could know without being in my head, but I have pretty acute anxiety. I know enough about my anxiety to know when I’m freaking out over nothing, so I try to keep it mostly contained to my own brain and keep the external freak outs to a minimum. Just his presence keeps me grounded and calm. He is my best friend and I don’t know if I could have accomplished most of what I have without him.
MJ 3 years ago
TRUTH. I struggled with panic attacks several years ago. Before i found a doctor and was properly diagnosed, i could have a panic attack anytime, anywhere. Once I had a panic attack in the 10 minutes it took me to get home from work. When I got home I was a mess, but my husband sat us both down on the couch and just held me. I cried - from the anxiety that had built up that quickly and for no reason, but also in sheer relief. He has always been and always will be my safe place.
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
You got this! Anxiety is a b*tch that I'm dealing with.. I hope it goes better for you cause I'm a hot mess and don't know what to do
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I think this is ultimately your call- it sounds like love on both ends - but maybe he should know how much he really means to you -without being sappy about it!
L.a. Williams 3 years ago
So so glad you found a way to cope but I think you might need to work on co dependency issues.
#33
The degree to which I was really abused by my ex. Actually no one knows
Anne Allen 3 years ago
oh, Honey. Don't keep it to yourself. It will make you ill. I know - from experience. Please find someone to talk to, get it out of you. You will find so much strength when you do.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Same. It's one of those things you want to let out but at the same time you don't want them to think you're making comparisons.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
I was in a very bad physical and emotional abusive relationship before I met my now husband of 20 years, some people get over it, some don’t, everyone’s different, but I really do not go into detail or talk about what my ex did, I’d rather keep it that way, but I’m fine, maybe some people really do need to talk about it
Emma Starr 3 years ago
Oh, please find someone to talk to. You deserve to be heard and supported!❤
Saltea 3 years ago
This! Everyone deserves it, i hope op finds one/more later😢
Load More Replies... Magentablu 3 years ago
The degree of abuse I endured my entire childhood... including sexual molestation. I'm going to grave with it
CindyLouWho1209 3 years ago
I am so sorry for what you've been through. God bless you. I hope you find healing one day.
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LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
One day please talk to someone. You feel better when something isn't kept inside.
#34
Every time we go into a restaurant or place of business, I make sure to identify all the exit points in case something bad where to happen. Also never have my back to the doors.
Kiss Army 3 years ago
I have worked in a prison for almost 30 years and these things are ingrained in me... my husband always waits for me to sit down first so that I can be seated where I will feel more comfortable because he doesn't care which side of the table he sits at but I need to have a certain vantage point or I am on pins and needles and unable to relax the whole time we are there.
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Dana Ondráčková 3 years ago
I noticed my partner always sat me with my Back to the Wall ať restaurant, and he sat with his Back to the room. I asked why he does that. He said if a fight broke down, he Will be first in line and I Will be safe behind the table
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
As a child, I would always make sure I knew where the dining table was in every house I visited, in the event I would need to hide. I never did, as it was my own father I had to hide from. Nearly 40 years since I've had any contact with him, and after lots of therapy, I don't check out tables any more.
Joan Davis 3 years ago
Been doing this forever...this is wise words. Always know where exits are and how to get out in an emergency!
Rebecca Clark 3 years ago
Black males in the South were taught to do that alot back in the day - before the 1980s.
#35
That when I tell her I don't want her to make cookies cause we are being healthy, that I really want her to make cookies.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
No problem here I married a cookie monster I am not but I give him what he wants usually!
Magda Schulz 3 years ago (edited)
What about healthy cookies? I have endometriosis so shouldn't have white flour, sugar, etc. I can now make cookies without all of that, my partner adores them and he doesn't have to see me suffer through seeing him eat and not being able to or eating and then getting more pain lmao
Mercy Leo 3 years ago
Why not make healthy cookies? They are delicious and healthier than regular cookies :3
Magda Schulz 3 years ago
This 100 times! There's millions of ways of substituting whatever problematic ingredient without altering taste and depriving yourself.
Load More Replies... #36
He doesn't know I fix his DIY properly when he is out. He's so proud of "his"work...
Final score:
133points
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Hmmm…. Wouldn‘t it be better to let him learn from his mistakes instead of letting him think he does it perfectly?
Jeff Striks 3 years ago
I agree. She's reinforcing negative behavior and it will crush him when she comes clean. Better to learn together than to inflate his ego
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Thomson StClair 3 years ago
Maybe you should be the one doing the DIY and not submit to weird gender stereotypes?
Al Upinya 3 years ago
Gender & DIY were never separate because everyone male or female already did it. The thread is focused on more in depth solutions, getting past mere surface frivolities & about being more considerate in tactfully letting the partner be aware of their mistakes in order for them to more properly learn from it thus allowing the partner to feel even more loved by someone willing to go the distance as not just an SO but also an aware & patient teacher.
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Brian Bennett 3 years ago
My hubby can't do any projects in the home - he's tried but has messed up badly and he knows it so we either make do or I do it if I can some times I can jerry-rig thing till we can afford to get them fixed!
#37
My fiancé doesn't know I put a king snake in the attic last spring to take care of a rat and squirrel issue.
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
I'd assume it would escape through the same hole the rats were using to get inside.
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Buzzrust 1 3 years ago
Just keep some water up there for it. And if it has finished its job retrieve it after awhile an release it.
Jill Hojnacki 3 years ago
Hope he left the snake water and plans to rescue it after it finishes “taking care of the problem” and runs out of food.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
Um... You know there are easier ways to take care of rodents than inserting a predator into your attic, right?
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Nope, no thank you. That's grounds for immediate dismissal. Absolutely no! NO! NOOO!!!
#38
When I shower she thinks I make an absurdly loud noise when I'm washing my butt. Really I'm just squeezing water in my palm, but it's much funnier that she thinks it's my butt. Even done this while we were both in there to really get her going
#39
The Botox I get between eyes because I don’t want to get that angry scowl wrinkle…he tells me I still look so young at 45. I might confess this year
Final score:
111points
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
This isn't so bad, once it isn't affecting your health or anything. I don't really know much about the procedure.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I know in Canada its damn expensive and not covered by our insurance!
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Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
I also started getting Botox last year and didn't tell a soul. It's a thing I do for me, my eyes are hooded and heavy, it makes me look so tired. So, I brighten them up a bit! The bf doesn't know or notice which is hilarious, but I know he would say I looked beautiful before and don't need it. He's the best. <3
rafael castro 3 years ago
He might known, he might just not want to let you know that he knows 🤣🤣
Sarah Moeding 3 years ago
I hate how many women are afraid to just age, especially when it seems like it's because they don't want their partners to see it happen. 45 *is* young.
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
I'm gonna tell if you dont bring me with you🤭🤣Next time!!! 🙏🏻 I've been squinting since I'm 16...( crying and angry for a few years too..but mostly squinting..) I have kerataconus and never can see perfectly lolo.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
You will probably have to stop sometime - He married and stayed with you because you look young - come on fess up!
TJay (Submission author) 3 years ago
It's $150 every 3-4 months...not so bad
Load More Replies... #40
We're in a LDR. I happily and willing set out on journey to go see my boyfriend first. We're both not financially well-off (but that's our business). He doesn't know how much more I make than him. He doesn't know how much it cost to get my passport, the plane ticket, nor how much I spent while I was there. He doesn't know when I came back home I was in debt. It's not his problem. (It wasn't even a big deal to me because I could pay it off.) Only recently, when his sister asked me how much I paid for the flight, did I tell her, in which my boyfriend overheard. I don't want our relationship to become about competing with money and developing resentment.
Final score:
98points
Pangoro 3 years ago
Never mind! Just figured it out. I haven't seen "long distance relationship" mentioned on the 'net for quite awhile:)
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MJ 3 years ago
You should be able to talk to your partner about these things. In a relationship with open communication and real honesty, there will never be competition or resentment. Like i said it takes honest communication between both parties, but it’s absolutely worth it.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed (Submission author) 3 years ago
This comment has been deleted.
Load More Replies... Ashley Deane 3 years ago
Money is such a jerk. I absolutely HATE money... Unless I have money.
Jyndaru 3 years ago
Money is truly the root of all evil. I hate it even when I have it.
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YoyoSthlm 3 years ago
I think you should have talked about expenses and at least split the cost of the plane ticket. If he wants you to come to him, he should be willing to put some money in.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed (Submission author) 3 years ago
Weird how people come to the conclusion that because he's the guy and I'm the girl, any initiative I take just has to have been his idea first LOL. Not at all. I wanted to go see him first and was itching to travel, put my big girl pants on and get over my fear of airports. I had never been outside my country before and I had the opportunity to make the trip and get real vacation from work for once. All he said was "It's up to you. Can't wait to see you." when I asked if he wanted me to come there. He never makes me do anything. No complaints on my end. He did treat me when I was there. but I made a few traveller mistakes on my end, struggled with keeping tabs of the currency difference cos of my stupid math dyslexia. It was definitely an experience and I'd do it again.
Load More Replies... Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
Why would thst matter? Someone will always make more... irrelevant who...some wives DON'T WORK...then something happens to their spouse and they are frozen... good job .be proud
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Maybe if you could get closer together (in miles) you may not have such a problem!
MyOpinionHasBeenServed (Submission author) 3 years ago
Well, that's the goal.
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Jackie Jax 3 years ago
Eh. This is probably only one on the list that's not cute. Going in debt isn't cute, nor doesn't it lead to a stronger relationship. Hiding expenses to not hurt the other person's feelings, while directly hurting your ability to save and move closer to each other is not a look. It's rather cringe. I've had guy friends do this and though they didn't mind at first, after a few fights, they developed resentments. It's just an unnecessary burden. Also your comment about you both being open with your finances... you're not. Knowing how much a person makes is different from knowing that and how they spend their money. But whatever, find it cute if you'd like.
Nujoie Roberts 3 years ago
Why would she ask and WHY WHY WHYYYY would you answer?! I think you WANTED him to know
MyOpinionHasBeenServed (Submission author) 3 years ago
This comment has been deleted.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
GirlFriday 3 years ago
I am very independent and in the last year my boyfriend moved into my home, a home I have meticulously taken care of and upgraded by myself for the last twelve years. I do not need help with handy tasks around the house, but I will occasionally ask him to fix something and he absolutely beams when I ask. It often takes him way longer than it would me, but I don't say anything and always thank him profusely and praise his work. The look of pride and sheer joy on his face when I do that is worth all of the aggravation that I have to endure watching him take an hour to do a task that would take me 5 minutes.
Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
Relatable! I've lived alone for the past 8 years and my bf just moved in this year. In general, I am way more handy than he is. So it does take some willpower for me to take a step back when he wants to try to tackle a new project. Luckily we work really well as a team and he's willing to take any tips or ideas if I tell him. He is so proud when he does a new project though lol I try building him up so he's confident to do more.
Load More Replies...
Ivana 3 years ago
In my relationship I have only had two secretes from my husband. The first secrete I kept from him for about 6 years. When we first started dating, he went on this huge rant about how he would never date a virgin because they cling to the first person they sleep with and idolize that person to the point it ruins the relationship. So I did not tell him I was in fact a virgin until 6 years later when my dog died and he took me to the woods to camp out and while I cried myself to sleep I told him. He said that was cute and kissed me. Second secrete isn't really something I intentionally keep from him but he leaves his things in the strangest places and as I find them throughout the day I either make a mental note so I can tell him where it is when he is looking for it later, or I move it to a spot where he can find it. He loses everything and I have made it my job to keep tabs on all of his important things and making sure he never loses them.
Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .
Load More Replies...
Amberleigh Mysts 3 years ago
He is horrible about letting me know when he's low or out of something. I try to keep tabs but I lose track sometimes. So on those certain super duper important to him items I keep them put away and when judgment day comes and he's freaking out because his deodorant is gone I swoop in and save the day with a fresh one which must have come from on high from the way he reacts. Been doing it for 17yrs won't stop until I am unable to do so and even then I'll probably arrange it thru family he is my world.
Kai David 3 years ago
Having triplet boys and a husband that changes his outfit every time he leaves the house. That's a lot of laundry to do. He told me he can only have tide due to deathly allergies. Tide is EXPENSIVE. I ran out and did not have enough for tide. So I bought a cheaper detergent. I poured it into the tide bottle and threw the empty away in some one else's trash bin. I watched for any allergic reaction or rash. None whatsoever. So for the past 20 odd years, I buy 2 cheaper bottles, pour it into the tide bottle and life goes on.
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
My now ex husband surprised me for our honeymoon. Had no idea where. It was 3 weeks in Jamaica at 2 different 5 star resorts. That night at our wedding, reception one of his groomsmen told me(I hadn't asked) and spoiled the surprise to purposely be a total douche.. I didn't tell him.
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I want love like these people have. The only problem is I'm completely chicken and haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. Every time I get a crush I don't end up telling him and then he starts dating another girl and I'm left alone. I mean, I have friends that I know I can rely on, but I just want someone that I know for a fact I can rely on with anything.
J. Normal 3 years ago
I "fell in love" on my wedding day. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But I did not get that out of my head love for him until the moment we walked down the isle and he hugged me and spun me around. ( married 40 yrs) Before you go for a long term relationship, live 1st. date some, don't date some - you have time, and when you are not looking, that is when it will find you.
Load More Replies...
Kusotare 3 years ago
I cook for her. I'm pretty competent in the kitchen (the six years in a restaurant kitchen was my favorite job ever, but I hated the zombie hours and low pay), but if I was just cooking for myself, it'd be instant ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese on a regular rotation. Since it's important to me that she have delicious and interesting meals, I do so much more. I even cook meals that I think are a waste of time, money, and otherwise good ingredients because they're childhood favorites of hers or comfort food that makes her feel at home.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
It was a secret for years that I used onions. Hubby was sure he hated them in food, in general, and on principle. Eventually, he figured it out. Turns out he doesn't hate foods he thought he hated!
WildHoneyPie 3 years ago
My husband will watch cooking shows and baking competitions with me even though I know they're not his favorites. on the other hand, I've seen Tombstone and the Rock and movies like that with him approximately 60, 000 times so it works out...
GirlFriday 3 years ago
I am very independent and in the last year my boyfriend moved into my home, a home I have meticulously taken care of and upgraded by myself for the last twelve years. I do not need help with handy tasks around the house, but I will occasionally ask him to fix something and he absolutely beams when I ask. It often takes him way longer than it would me, but I don't say anything and always thank him profusely and praise his work. The look of pride and sheer joy on his face when I do that is worth all of the aggravation that I have to endure watching him take an hour to do a task that would take me 5 minutes.
Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
Relatable! I've lived alone for the past 8 years and my bf just moved in this year. In general, I am way more handy than he is. So it does take some willpower for me to take a step back when he wants to try to tackle a new project. Luckily we work really well as a team and he's willing to take any tips or ideas if I tell him. He is so proud when he does a new project though lol I try building him up so he's confident to do more.
Load More Replies... Ivana 3 years ago
In my relationship I have only had two secretes from my husband. The first secrete I kept from him for about 6 years. When we first started dating, he went on this huge rant about how he would never date a virgin because they cling to the first person they sleep with and idolize that person to the point it ruins the relationship. So I did not tell him I was in fact a virgin until 6 years later when my dog died and he took me to the woods to camp out and while I cried myself to sleep I told him. He said that was cute and kissed me. Second secrete isn't really something I intentionally keep from him but he leaves his things in the strangest places and as I find them throughout the day I either make a mental note so I can tell him where it is when he is looking for it later, or I move it to a spot where he can find it. He loses everything and I have made it my job to keep tabs on all of his important things and making sure he never loses them.
Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .
Load More Replies... Amberleigh Mysts 3 years ago
He is horrible about letting me know when he's low or out of something. I try to keep tabs but I lose track sometimes. So on those certain super duper important to him items I keep them put away and when judgment day comes and he's freaking out because his deodorant is gone I swoop in and save the day with a fresh one which must have come from on high from the way he reacts. Been doing it for 17yrs won't stop until I am unable to do so and even then I'll probably arrange it thru family he is my world.
Kai David 3 years ago
Having triplet boys and a husband that changes his outfit every time he leaves the house. That's a lot of laundry to do. He told me he can only have tide due to deathly allergies. Tide is EXPENSIVE. I ran out and did not have enough for tide. So I bought a cheaper detergent. I poured it into the tide bottle and threw the empty away in some one else's trash bin. I watched for any allergic reaction or rash. None whatsoever. So for the past 20 odd years, I buy 2 cheaper bottles, pour it into the tide bottle and life goes on.
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
My now ex husband surprised me for our honeymoon. Had no idea where. It was 3 weeks in Jamaica at 2 different 5 star resorts. That night at our wedding, reception one of his groomsmen told me(I hadn't asked) and spoiled the surprise to purposely be a total douche.. I didn't tell him.
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I want love like these people have. The only problem is I'm completely chicken and haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. Every time I get a crush I don't end up telling him and then he starts dating another girl and I'm left alone. I mean, I have friends that I know I can rely on, but I just want someone that I know for a fact I can rely on with anything.
J. Normal 3 years ago
I "fell in love" on my wedding day. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But I did not get that out of my head love for him until the moment we walked down the isle and he hugged me and spun me around. ( married 40 yrs) Before you go for a long term relationship, live 1st. date some, don't date some - you have time, and when you are not looking, that is when it will find you.
Load More Replies... Kusotare 3 years ago
I cook for her. I'm pretty competent in the kitchen (the six years in a restaurant kitchen was my favorite job ever, but I hated the zombie hours and low pay), but if I was just cooking for myself, it'd be instant ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese on a regular rotation. Since it's important to me that she have delicious and interesting meals, I do so much more. I even cook meals that I think are a waste of time, money, and otherwise good ingredients because they're childhood favorites of hers or comfort food that makes her feel at home.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
It was a secret for years that I used onions. Hubby was sure he hated them in food, in general, and on principle. Eventually, he figured it out. Turns out he doesn't hate foods he thought he hated!
WildHoneyPie 3 years ago
My husband will watch cooking shows and baking competitions with me even though I know they're not his favorites. on the other hand, I've seen Tombstone and the Rock and movies like that with him approximately 60, 000 times so it works out...
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