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Person Wonders Whether It Was OK To Confront Their “Childfree” Sibling For Consistently Mistreating Their Little Cousin
People are mean – there’s no denying it. Especially teenagers. Some might say it’s because their prefrontal cortex – you know, the thing that’s responsible for moderating social behavior – is still developing.
Well, whatever it is, this Redditor that goes by u/Spirited_Spare1177 has a story to tell. Their brother has always been exceptionally mean to their little cousin – and when they finally decided to call him out on it, the 16-year-old justified his behavior by calling himself “childfree,” which to him meant that he didn’t have to acknowledge children, even if they’re his own family.
More info: Reddit | Emma Palmer
RELATED:
Teen leaves his 4-year-old cousin in tears by not acknowledging her
Image credits: Lukas (not the actual photo)
When a sibling calls him out on it, he claims to be childfree, which he seems to think frees him from having to interact with kids
Image credits: Dobromir Dobrev (not the actual photo)
Image source: Spirited_Spare1177
“AITA for telling my brother he is not childfree?” – this netizen took to one of Reddit’s most favorite communities to ask its members if they’re indeed a jerk for calling out their 16-year-old sibling for making his little cousin cry because he believes he doesn’t have to acknowledge her just because he’s childfree. The post managed to garner over 10K upvotes as well as 1.5K comments discussing the situation.
There are many reasons people choose a childfree life. Financial stability, a lifestyle not conducive to kids, the fact that the world’s on its edge – whatever the reasoning is, it’s a respectable decision. However, the brother of the original poster really needed that reality check.
The thing is, the teen isn’t so fond of his 4-year-old cousin. The family has dinner every other weekend at their grandparents’ with all their aunts, uncles, and their kids, and “Brandon” never acknowledges the little one. Since he decided he’s childfree, he thought this meant that he could get away with being blatantly rude to his cousin, and when the 16-year-old left her in tears once again, just because he didn’t feel like looking at her drawings, the author of the post decided that it was time to confront him.
Naturally, the teen didn’t seem to accept the fact that he was being mean, so he blamed his behavior on being childfree. The post’s creator reached their boiling point and told the guy that he can’t be childfree when he is a child himself, which essentially prompted them to take the matter online and find out whether they might’ve overstepped the line as they didn’t mean to disregard his choice about not wanting kids.
To get a more professional outlook on the situation, Bored Panda reached out to Emma Palmer. First things first, we invited our expert to introduce herself: “I’m a Bristol-based psychotherapist and I’m childfree by choice. In 2018 I was honoured to be named Childfree Person of the Year on International Childfree Day – 1st August: https://internationalchildfreeday.com/qa-2018-childfree-person-of-the-year/. I’m also an author. My second book, ‘Other than Mother’ came out in 2016 https://www.johnhuntpublishing.com/earth-books/our-books/other-mother-childlessness. I researched and wrote it when it gradually dawned on me that having children isn’t compulsory! I spent some fascinating years researching childlessness and talking to parents and non-parents alike about the parenthood/non-parenthood decision.”
The author tells him he’s not childfree because he’s a child himself and provokes a fight
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
We then asked Emma to tell us more about voluntary childlessness: “It’s now more commonly known as being childfree or being childfree by choice, rather than voluntary childlessness – that phrase and the term elective childlessness were more commonly used 20+ years ago when I first started researching this fascinating area of life, which back then, was hardly discussed. The distinction back then wasn’t even drawn between being childless through choice or circumstance, etc., so things have changed a lot. Now the terms childless and childlessness have come to tend to represent those people who do not have children and who haven’t chosen that, so childless through being unable to have children, through circumstance and loss. Whilst there are grey areas between the childfree and childless, and they’re not always as polarised a group of people as some might think (e.g. as well as in terms of the effect of living with the overall societal stigma of not being a parent), it feels important and respectful to acknowledge the very big difference between choosing and not choosing to have children, particularly given that childless people can often be grieving the loss of children and/or a life without the children they were unable to have.”
BP then wondered about Emma Palmer’s take on our society that tends to “look down” upon childfree folk, and the woman replied as follows: “Because in some peoples’ eyes, it’s still seen as subversive to not have children. Society is still pretty pro-natal, in terms of expecting women to be mothers, and that being an expected and key part of their identity, even though this has noticeably changed in my lifetime, thank goodness, and there’s a lot of welcome change in gender and identity.”
We also pondered whether one can be too young to know if they want children: “I think this is a deeply personal thing and there isn’t one straightforward answer. I’ve known some people who decided early in life not to have children and that always remained true for them. I was the opposite. I always assumed I would have children, then decided in my late 20s that I didn’t want children – I realised how conditioned I had been by the expectation of others that I’d be a mum one day.”
And last but certainly not least, Emma added: “I think it’s important that childfree folk aren’t automatically typecast as not liking children! That’s not generally my experience, even though I have encountered a handful of childfree people who are vocally not into children. That’s not true in most childfree communities I’m part of. Personally, I love being an aunt, and I enjoy the company of children as much as I do adults. Being childfree doesn’t mean you automatically either dislike or aren’t kind to children! In fact, it could be quite the opposite. Part of my decision-making about remaining childfree was wishing we would take better care of the children who are already here, and of the planet we all share!”
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
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What do you think ?
Tabby 2 years ago
Whyyyyyyy are the parents not getting involved here? You’re never too busy talking to keep at least one eye on your kids (whether they be a 4 year old or arsehole teenager)
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Maybe they do, but because the parents are cool with Brandon’s behaviour the OP prefers to play it down.
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Andy 2 years ago (edited)
He is being a d**k, but at the same time it's just the usual stroppy arsehollyness you get from most teenagers. What 16 year old wants to spend every second weekend hanging out with small children? Childfree is just a buzzword he has picked up and probably used because he thinks is makes him sound cool and different.
Jp@nda 2 years ago
Nowhere does it say that he's being forced to hang out with this kid. What he's doing is being cruel to a small child on purpose. I don't care who you are, you have every right to excuse yourself, but you don't get to ignore and make kids cry because you're a douche
Load More Replies...
Josh Gilland 2 years ago
I'm likely to be child free (open but only to the very right person), I'm also not a fan of young kids. However that doesn't entitle me to be a douchebag to kids. Sadly he's a perfect example of a lot of people. Using a term they have no clue what it means. Also feeling he's entitled to be a douchebag because of his beliefs. He really needs an adult in his life.
Bina Wei 2 years ago
Agreed. Even people not comfortable with kids or spending time with them would've at least said "I'm busy, why don't you show (other person)?" Or something similar. Not just pretend they're not there.
Load More Replies... Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
I actually loved this and could not stop laughing at this lil shithead. As someone who is ACTUALLY child free I hate to burst his bubble. That does not mean children no longer exist in your hemisphere. And he IS a child. Does this mean I would be within my rights to just ignore him if he were to speak to me? Teenagers are so awful so often. Ironic HE reminded me why I am glad to not be a parent.
Anna Jefferson 2 years ago (edited)
He's 16 so not really a child. He's almost an adult. But I agree he didn't need to be a douchebag to his cousin. I'm child free too but still treat my cousin's kids with kindness when I see them (I dont see them that often because they live over 200 miles away).
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deanna woods 2 years ago
This Brandon kid is a sad individual. I am child free, but when they are around me, I try to be as kind to them as possible. I work in retail and they like to play with the shopping bag carousel. I don't say anything to them and I am still very polite with them. Children like to talk to older people, especially family members, and this guy's behavior shows that he is truly the immature one.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
I’d have more sympathy for this view if we heard Brandon’s perspective.
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Valden 2 years ago
This one gave flashbacks. I'm not sure how old I was, but it was less than sixteen because I was not working at the time. My uncle was visiting from out of state, and his young children wanted to go play at the local park. No big deal. I walked with my uncle to show him where it was. I stuck around helping to push his kids and my younger brother on the swings. Well, the youngest of his children, a girl about 3 or 4 yo, wanted to get in the swing. I said, "Wait, and let me ask your dad." She started freaking out and crying like I slapped her upside the head. I never wanted children, but that day cemented the belief in my mind. I realized just how much I can't handle irrational people, and children are a powderkeg of irrational. Since then, I have been a huge anti child person. Never once held a baby or infant. When my younger brother had his first child, my wife told him not to get upset when I refuse to hold his baby. However, even as a teen, I have never been a jerk to a child. I helped babysit my nieces and nephews when they were little. Children crying in public does not even phase me. My point being, I don't think it's natural behavior for anyone to be mean to a child. Even a teenager.
SuperDarkStudios 2 years ago
I thought you said you slapped her upside the head for crying.. I need sleep,
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Best Behave 2 years ago
NTA. You called him out, he explained his position. There’s not much more you can do. …. Except… it is possible that Brandon doesn’t know how to interact with young kids. It doesn’t come natural to everyone. The bluster is a way from deflecting that if challenged. It may well be worth approaching from that position again. If that Is the case B is unlikely to be feeling good about it, and may be open to exploring strategies when not on the defensive. I can already hear the clicking of downvotes , however if this is successful it will benefit B, but more importantly mean that his little cousin is then able to have the attention she wants from big cousin Brandon
The Other Guest 2 years ago
You don't have to know how to act around kids to know that generally speaking it's rude to ignore someone. A simple, "That's great, why don't you show Auntie your drawings?" is sufficient.
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Carole G. 2 years ago
Wow! Hurting a 4 years old feelings. He's gonna grow up to be some piece of work...I hope his parents step up & teach him to be a better person.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
We don’t have Brandon’s version of events. We do know that he has to spend every other weekend with a four-year-old, which is no 16-year-old’s idea of fun. We do know that, whatever the reality of his behaviour, it doesn’t bother the four-year-old’s parents. And if this is something that’s been the case every other weekend, they’ve had plenty of time to form a view. We also know that Brandon’s sibling is keen to stick their oar in, cause of argument in fro t of their family, and try to shame them to strangers on the internet. And we know the worst thing Brandon has done is… walk away from something he doesn’t like? There may be some compelling details that I’m overlooking, but in lieu of that I’m firmly on Team Brandon.
Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
It's irrelevant what the circumstances are. Just walking away from a little kid showing you a picture is mean. HE is a mean child. Does he want someone to treat him that way? I'm guessing no. Being s****y to people smaller than you is generally a good habit to break.
Load More Replies...
Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
I find male children who declare they will be child free HILARIOUS. Watch their faces when you ask when they are getting a vasectomy.....ohhhhh behbeh. What they mean is they are going to refuse responsibility for any children they may cause 4/5. They aren't clear on how to be a child free man guaranteed i e. Celibate or snipped. They think it's just like a moral declaration. And anti abortion AND planning to be child free? They give me the sillies.
Load More Replies... Tabby 2 years ago
Whyyyyyyy are the parents not getting involved here? You’re never too busy talking to keep at least one eye on your kids (whether they be a 4 year old or arsehole teenager)
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Maybe they do, but because the parents are cool with Brandon’s behaviour the OP prefers to play it down.
Load More Replies... Andy 2 years ago (edited)
He is being a d**k, but at the same time it's just the usual stroppy arsehollyness you get from most teenagers. What 16 year old wants to spend every second weekend hanging out with small children? Childfree is just a buzzword he has picked up and probably used because he thinks is makes him sound cool and different.
Jp@nda 2 years ago
Nowhere does it say that he's being forced to hang out with this kid. What he's doing is being cruel to a small child on purpose. I don't care who you are, you have every right to excuse yourself, but you don't get to ignore and make kids cry because you're a douche
Load More Replies... Josh Gilland 2 years ago
I'm likely to be child free (open but only to the very right person), I'm also not a fan of young kids. However that doesn't entitle me to be a douchebag to kids. Sadly he's a perfect example of a lot of people. Using a term they have no clue what it means. Also feeling he's entitled to be a douchebag because of his beliefs. He really needs an adult in his life.
Bina Wei 2 years ago
Agreed. Even people not comfortable with kids or spending time with them would've at least said "I'm busy, why don't you show (other person)?" Or something similar. Not just pretend they're not there.
Load More Replies... Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
I actually loved this and could not stop laughing at this lil shithead. As someone who is ACTUALLY child free I hate to burst his bubble. That does not mean children no longer exist in your hemisphere. And he IS a child. Does this mean I would be within my rights to just ignore him if he were to speak to me? Teenagers are so awful so often. Ironic HE reminded me why I am glad to not be a parent.
Anna Jefferson 2 years ago (edited)
He's 16 so not really a child. He's almost an adult. But I agree he didn't need to be a douchebag to his cousin. I'm child free too but still treat my cousin's kids with kindness when I see them (I dont see them that often because they live over 200 miles away).
Load More Replies... deanna woods 2 years ago
This Brandon kid is a sad individual. I am child free, but when they are around me, I try to be as kind to them as possible. I work in retail and they like to play with the shopping bag carousel. I don't say anything to them and I am still very polite with them. Children like to talk to older people, especially family members, and this guy's behavior shows that he is truly the immature one.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
I’d have more sympathy for this view if we heard Brandon’s perspective.
Load More Replies... Valden 2 years ago
This one gave flashbacks. I'm not sure how old I was, but it was less than sixteen because I was not working at the time. My uncle was visiting from out of state, and his young children wanted to go play at the local park. No big deal. I walked with my uncle to show him where it was. I stuck around helping to push his kids and my younger brother on the swings. Well, the youngest of his children, a girl about 3 or 4 yo, wanted to get in the swing. I said, "Wait, and let me ask your dad." She started freaking out and crying like I slapped her upside the head. I never wanted children, but that day cemented the belief in my mind. I realized just how much I can't handle irrational people, and children are a powderkeg of irrational. Since then, I have been a huge anti child person. Never once held a baby or infant. When my younger brother had his first child, my wife told him not to get upset when I refuse to hold his baby. However, even as a teen, I have never been a jerk to a child. I helped babysit my nieces and nephews when they were little. Children crying in public does not even phase me. My point being, I don't think it's natural behavior for anyone to be mean to a child. Even a teenager.
SuperDarkStudios 2 years ago
I thought you said you slapped her upside the head for crying.. I need sleep,
Load More Replies... Best Behave 2 years ago
NTA. You called him out, he explained his position. There’s not much more you can do. …. Except… it is possible that Brandon doesn’t know how to interact with young kids. It doesn’t come natural to everyone. The bluster is a way from deflecting that if challenged. It may well be worth approaching from that position again. If that Is the case B is unlikely to be feeling good about it, and may be open to exploring strategies when not on the defensive. I can already hear the clicking of downvotes , however if this is successful it will benefit B, but more importantly mean that his little cousin is then able to have the attention she wants from big cousin Brandon
The Other Guest 2 years ago
You don't have to know how to act around kids to know that generally speaking it's rude to ignore someone. A simple, "That's great, why don't you show Auntie your drawings?" is sufficient.
Load More Replies... Carole G. 2 years ago
Wow! Hurting a 4 years old feelings. He's gonna grow up to be some piece of work...I hope his parents step up & teach him to be a better person.
Ron Baza 2 years ago
We don’t have Brandon’s version of events. We do know that he has to spend every other weekend with a four-year-old, which is no 16-year-old’s idea of fun. We do know that, whatever the reality of his behaviour, it doesn’t bother the four-year-old’s parents. And if this is something that’s been the case every other weekend, they’ve had plenty of time to form a view. We also know that Brandon’s sibling is keen to stick their oar in, cause of argument in fro t of their family, and try to shame them to strangers on the internet. And we know the worst thing Brandon has done is… walk away from something he doesn’t like? There may be some compelling details that I’m overlooking, but in lieu of that I’m firmly on Team Brandon.
Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
It's irrelevant what the circumstances are. Just walking away from a little kid showing you a picture is mean. HE is a mean child. Does he want someone to treat him that way? I'm guessing no. Being s****y to people smaller than you is generally a good habit to break.
Load More Replies... Pandroid Rebellion 2 years ago
I find male children who declare they will be child free HILARIOUS. Watch their faces when you ask when they are getting a vasectomy.....ohhhhh behbeh. What they mean is they are going to refuse responsibility for any children they may cause 4/5. They aren't clear on how to be a child free man guaranteed i e. Celibate or snipped. They think it's just like a moral declaration. And anti abortion AND planning to be child free? They give me the sillies.
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