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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Stepfather I Hope Some Guy Says The Same To His Kid One Day?”
Interview With ExpertStatistics show that the remarriage rate in the US has been growing steadily over the past couple of decades, and it’s no wonder – even having failed in their attempt to create a family, people try to find their happiness with another person. But the ghost of a previous relationship sometimes gets in the way of this happiness.
We’ve told many stories about how people, as it turns out, were jealous of their spouses and partners even having the memory of their deceased significant others, and that it didn’t lead to anything good. Well, in the life of the author of our today’s story, his stepfather has been trying for many years not only to replace his late dad, but even to erase all memory of him…
More info: Reddit
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The author is a 17-year-old boy, who has been mostly raised by his mom and stepfather
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many years ago, the author’s bio dad divorced his mom and then passed away – and the mom remarried
Image credits: PoppleSwammy
Image generated by Bored Panda using chatGPT
The stepdad made one attempt after another to replace the late man in his stepson’s heart – but to no avail
Image credits: PoppleSwammy
Image credits: oliverragfelt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
During one of their recent family therapy sessions, the man lost it and called the author’s late dad “a ghost, a memory”
Image credits: PoppleSwammy
To this, the teen wished the stepdad would have another man say such words to his own child someday – and huge drama ensued
The Original poster (OP), a 17-year-old boy, begins his story by telling us that this happened during family therapy, with the ninth therapist in the last five years. Perhaps this is quite enough to start drawing some conclusions, but let’s just go on. The thing is that the author’s biological father divorced his mom when the son was not yet 8 years old, and then passed away – so he was essentially raised by his stepdad.
The man was a good parental figure – if not for one circumstance. He sincerely believed that everything he did for the boy gave him grounds to demand to call himself his father. A real father. And the memory of a man who had been in the next world for almost a decade for some reason irritated him.
The situation only worsened when the author entered his teen years – and his stepdad made attempt after attempt to replace his late father in his soul. One therapist followed another – and recently, during another session, the man burst into a pathetic speech, the main point of which was that it was time for the OP to erase “that guy” from his heart, because he was “just a ghost, a memory…”
Our hero was offended – and immediately gave a response speech, in which he wished upon his stepfather that someday another man would say the same words to his child (yes, his mother is now pregnant). Huge drama ensued, and even the mom took her husband’s side, saying that the OP had actually subtly wished him death. The author flatly refused to apologize, and decided to take this online to seek support.
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
“In fact, it’s only commendable that the stepfather does everything to mend fences with the stepchild, takes care of him and whatnot – but in this situation, it seems that the stepfather was driven not only by the desire to become a decent dad, but also by a feeling of jealousy and envy of the deceased ex of his wife,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this case.
“In fact, the best thing the stepfather could do here is to give in with his fruitless attempts, and switch to his pregnant wife and his future baby. Simply by accepting that he will never become in the soul of his stepson on the same level as his real dad. Well, and five years of therapy – this actually means that attempts to change the kid’s memory started much earlier.”
“Yes, it was a completely offensive and rude response, but calling your own father – even a deceased one – a ‘ghost’ – you must admit, is no less offensive and rude. Especially after all the attempts to become this father yourself. So an adult should have been prepared for the consequences after such an emotional outburst – and not be indignant when the consequences happened,” Irina sums up.
Commenters also agreed that from an adult, such a reaction may seem strange, and that the man should’ve come to terms with it long ago and not tried to replace the stepson’s dad in his heart, given the complete futility of such attempts. Some responders also advised the author “to burn this relationship to the ground” – especially considering that he is coming of age soon. So what would you, our readers, advise here?
Most commenters sided with the author and even urged him to go no contact with the stepdad after this
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What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
Ok so I had a stepmother and a stepfather for years. Neither of them ever made me feel safe, happy or loved. They were just people my parents were dating and nothing more to me. So I can't imagine being in a situation where your father that you loved d!ed and then some random say that they are your "new parent". They will never be your "new" parent, maybe an "additional" parent but it could take years of building trust and love for that to happen. This step-father crushed any chances of that ever happening one day.
Sathe Wesker 4 months ago (edited)
I like what you said about “additional” parent. That’s what I had. Mom and dad separated when I was 5. She met Stepdad when I was 7 but bio dad was, very, very much in my life and my daddy. Mom and him were incredibly civil and still had a form of love… right up until his death. Step dad, never before or after, never tried to “take his place” and in fact they got along very well. I was lucky. I wish I could speak to both the OP and his step father, on different levels, to help maybe explain the “right” way to go about it. Edit: missing a word.
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Lee Gilliland 4 months ago (edited)
This is one of the things I love about teens. They have no filter and, if pushed too far, are going to be WAY more blunt than adults are comfortable with. This stepdad is a perfect example of narcissistic stepdad. You can tell them the truth and they refuse to see it. Nine times they've changed counselors. Red flag the size of Moscow. Go OP.
Mel in Georgia 4 months ago
I don't get, after all that therapy, that the stepdad can't understand that you can't *make* somebody feel some way just because you think they should. That has never, ever, ever been how things work. He's stubborn and an idiot and has ruined any chance of being loved and respected by his stepson.
Janelle Collard 4 months ago (edited)
Sounds like steppy is a total narcissist, hence 9 therapists in 7 years. The parents went "therapist shopping" to find one who would agree with *them* and not call them on their s**t.
Load More Replies...
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
Ok so I had a stepmother and a stepfather for years. Neither of them ever made me feel safe, happy or loved. They were just people my parents were dating and nothing more to me. So I can't imagine being in a situation where your father that you loved d!ed and then some random say that they are your "new parent". They will never be your "new" parent, maybe an "additional" parent but it could take years of building trust and love for that to happen. This step-father crushed any chances of that ever happening one day.
Sathe Wesker 4 months ago (edited)
I like what you said about “additional” parent. That’s what I had. Mom and dad separated when I was 5. She met Stepdad when I was 7 but bio dad was, very, very much in my life and my daddy. Mom and him were incredibly civil and still had a form of love… right up until his death. Step dad, never before or after, never tried to “take his place” and in fact they got along very well. I was lucky. I wish I could speak to both the OP and his step father, on different levels, to help maybe explain the “right” way to go about it. Edit: missing a word.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 4 months ago (edited)
This is one of the things I love about teens. They have no filter and, if pushed too far, are going to be WAY more blunt than adults are comfortable with. This stepdad is a perfect example of narcissistic stepdad. You can tell them the truth and they refuse to see it. Nine times they've changed counselors. Red flag the size of Moscow. Go OP.
Mel in Georgia 4 months ago
I don't get, after all that therapy, that the stepdad can't understand that you can't *make* somebody feel some way just because you think they should. That has never, ever, ever been how things work. He's stubborn and an idiot and has ruined any chance of being loved and respected by his stepson.
Janelle Collard 4 months ago (edited)
Sounds like steppy is a total narcissist, hence 9 therapists in 7 years. The parents went "therapist shopping" to find one who would agree with *them* and not call them on their s**t.
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