“[Am I The Jerk] For Taking Away Everyone’s Chance To Be Involved With The Wedding?”

There are people who have been dreaming about their wedding day ever since they were children. They have been imagining everything, the preparations, outfits, colors, music, and everything else to the smallest of details. On the other hand, there are also folks out there who really don’t want and don’t care about weddings. At all. And there’s nothing wrong with either of them. 

However, sometimes, maybe even often, parents are more excited about all the preparations and traditions that put pressure on their kids. And when that happens, there is confusion over whether you are really making the right decision.

More info: Reddit

Couple plans a surprise wedding, everybody is happy, but later on gets scolded by their mothers for taking away a chance to be involved in planning

Image credits: Daniel Moises Magulado (not the actual photo)

They decided to do a small engagement party, but then thought that getting married would be even more fun

Image credits: Careless_Evidence_46

Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)

The couple invited only 10 people to the surprise wedding party, everybody had a great time and looked happy

Image credits: Careless_Evidence_46

After the honeymoon, both of their mothers slammed the newlyweds for taking away their opportunity to organize and especially go wedding dress shopping

A few days ago, a woman shared her story in one of the Reddit communities seeking to hear more opinions online. She pondered whether she and her husband were jerks for having planned a surprise wedding party and taken away their parents’ chances to be involved with the wedding. The story collected more than 9.1K upvotes and 1.4K comments in just a few days.

The author starts her story by saying that her father suddenly passed away, which was a major shock. Even before, she was not a fan of big celebrations, but with her dad passing, having a traditional big wedding was excluded  from the plans. However, her husband proposed and they decided that it would be fun to do a small celebration.

Now, after a bit of planning, they came to the conclusion that getting married would be even more fun. They planned a surprise wedding and invited 10 of the closest people, who were all happy and surprised. After a short honeymoon, they came back and surprisingly got a disappointing speech from their mothers. The parents were upset that they didn’t have a possibility to be a part of wedding planning and dress shopping, which were very important to them.

Community members defended the author and gave her ‘Not the a-hole’ title. “Your wedding, your way! Your mums can feel disappointed but this suited you two,” one user wrote. Another suggested: “Tell the mums you’re sorry they are disappointed, but it was your choice and you had a wonderful time.”

Image credits: Elvert Barnes (not the actual photo)

Bored Panda contacted Jennifer Prince, editor of Hill City Bride and she kindly agreed to share insights regarding the planning of surprise weddings and not disappointing parents when they feel left out.

“Getting married is one of the most exciting times in a couple’s lives, so keeping a secret is challenging,” Jennifer started. 

“Surprise events work best when family and friends realize that marriage is inevitable and is on board with you and your significant other spending the rest of your lives together,” she emphasized. “If there is tension within the family or they don’t get along with your partner, that can make a spontaneous event a setup for disaster.”

If you know that your loved ones will be upset that they are missing wedding planning elements, Jennifer suggests: “Have them help you, but keep the details surrounding your wedding date and location a secret.”

“For example, if your mom thinks you’re getting married in October, she can help you with traditional pre-planning activities based on that faux timeframe. If you have a wedding in August, she’ll be mentally prepped for your marriage while maintaining that element of surprise.”

Now, a recommendation: “I would also suggest hiring a professional photographer (or even two) to capture the looks on the faces of family and friends. The surprised looks and happy tears are something you’ll always want to remember!”

Don’t forget to check out Jennifer’s website where you can find plenty of ideas and useful information when planning the wedding of your dreams!

Image credits:  Улака Улака (not the actual photo)

Moreover, Bored Panda contacted Nat and Jo, co-founders of Ivory Tribe, who are writers and marriage celebrants. They were kind enough to share their professional opinion regarding surprise weddings.

“Surprise weddings can bring about a great atmosphere and much excitement! In our experience, it’s worth considering particular loved ones who will feel hurt or disappointment as their initial reaction to the surprise. This will likely come from a place of care, and the want to be a part of the lead-up to a couple’s special event,” the experts emphasized.

Moreover, they added that whether a couple wants to include somebody to help them with planning or want to keep it a complete secret, “the wording around the announcement of the surprise, or in speeches before and after, will be important. This way, the couple can convey their reasons for opting to surprise their loved ones, and also reinforce that the decision is theirs, and not to cause hurt or disappointment.”

“There is also the opportunity after the wedding takes place to ensure photos are taken, or parents are invited forward to speak, getting ready together beforehand, or planning a close-knit gathering in the days to follow,” the experts suggested.

“Each couple and family dynamic is unique, and as such, there are no blanket rules around how to celebrate a marriage.” And finally, they highlight that “At the end of the day, it’s about the two people getting married, and if their priorities have been established, they should feel comfortable that they have celebrated their day in their own way – and their loved ones should love them no less for it.”

And of course, don’t forget to check out Ivory Tribe‘s website! If you are searching for some ideas for your dream weddings or your friend is getting married, you will find some information that may be useful for you!

Folks in the comments backed the couple up for planning the wedding that made them happy

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