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80 Women Share Moments That Made Them Wonder, “Would He Have Said That To A Man?”
Unfortunately, almost any woman you talk to today will have at least one story about being disrespected or made to feel uncomfortable simply because she is a woman. And even more unfortunately, many men, myself included, still have a long way to go before we can help create spaces where women feel truly safe and respected.
Sexism doesn’t always announce itself with an obvious insult or an openly hostile attitude. Sometimes, it shows up in everyday situations that seem completely ordinary until you notice who gets treated differently, who gets interrupted, or who is expected to behave a certain way.
Women on Reddit recently shared some of the subtle examples of sexism they have encountered in everyday life. Read on to see the moments they noticed, the assumptions behind them, and the behaviors that can be surprisingly easy to overlook.
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#1
I don't know if this is subtle or not but as women, we are taught how to walk to our cars in pairs or a group at night, told not to have our face buried in our phones when walking alone and to be vigilant and aware of our surroundings. We are taught how to hold our keys in our hands, between our fingers for a make shift weapon. Don't dress revealing if we don't want the wrong type of attention etc. And yet, when something happens, no matter what we do or don't do... Law enforcement doesn't believe us!!
Jason Melvil 7 hours ago
Jimmy Carr once said he had a r*pe fantasy. In it, the police actually believed a r*ape victim.
RELATED:
#2
Commenting on your body. Neighbor stopped me to tell me that he doesn't like my new haircut because my hair is too short now.
Cool. I didn't ask for your opinion though..?
We get unsolicited comments on the way we dress, our weight, our (lack of) makeup, our facial expressions, etc.
One of the places where I see the damage caused by sexism the most is gaming, probably because it is also the world I know best. After years of playing and analyzing video games, I’ve seen how much gender can affect the way people are treated.
When women reveal their gender online, it can completely change how they experience gaming. Harassment sometimes forces them to play alone, hide who they are, switch groups, or avoid talking to others. Many women choose to stay anonymous just so they can enjoy games without unwanted attention or inappropriate behavior.
Games themselves can reinforce these ideas. Female characters show up less often than male ones and are usually in secondary roles, with unrealistic bodies or sexualized outfits. Still, newer games are starting to include more diverse female characters, showing that representation can improve as the industry changes, even though hypersexualization is still common.
#3
Apologising to my husband instead of me when they are "caught" by him trying to hit on me. Never mind that I have told them already that I'm not interested and they persisted anyways. None of that matters and interest in my personhood is feigned until they realise I'm "taken", then they apologise to the dude whose turf they have infringed upon. This one drives me absolutely crazy!
#4
Males are the default - health care, design standards, work hours (built off unpaid female labour), movies (might be a token female character) politics, media, law (all male jury would be fine but if it’s all female suddenly it would be bias?) Anything deemed feminine is immediately deemed less valuable or important (see the wage drops when women became more prominent in medicine, how undervalued nursing and teaching is and how they are expected to endure horrible conditions and pay because it’s their ‘calling’) men are held to lower standards in nearly every regard (behaviour, emotional intelligence, household management, child care, even at work they would get away with much worse work and behaviour without consequence), art is considered feminine until it’s about great artists, women belong in the kitchen until we are talking about famous chefs..
It goes on forever.
For many years, video games have influenced how players think female characters should look. In the 1990s, sexualization was especially common, with female characters often given exaggerated bodies and revealing clothes instead of real personalities or skills. These designs were not random. They reflected an industry that mostly targeted male players.
Things have improved since then, but the pattern still exists. Secondary female characters are still shown in more sexualized ways than male characters. There are more diverse characters now, but it is hard to separate gaming culture from years of using women’s bodies as entertainment.
#5
As a female manager I've been told MULTIPLE times "you're so hot when you're mad". Really undermines when I'm legitimately upset and/or need to discipline.
Jeff White 11 hours ago
Wow. I, a male, have said a lot of stupid things throughout my lift. I mean incredibly stupid. But I'm not sure I've ever said something 1/10th as stupid as that.
#6
When I first started grad school (biomedical sciences), my cohort had a meeting with the dean where he did an overview of all the professors in the department and their research so we could start thinking which labs we might want to do rotations in when the time came.
He introduced every professor that was a man as "Dr. Lastname, and the 3 professors who were women he introduced using only their first names.
It obviously isn't as big of a thing as a lot of the other examples people are commenting but it still dismisses those women and their qualifications/expertise.
Of course, gaming did not come up with these ideas. Long before anyone created a female video game character, societies had already set rules for what men and women should do. In 19th-century America, the idea of “separate spheres” meant women were expected to focus on family and home, while men took part in politics, paid work, and public life.
These expectations did not apply the same way to every woman. Race, class, work, and money all affected what women really experienced. Even so, the split between a so-called private female world and a public male world shaped how people thought about work, family, independence, and authority for generations.
#7
I worked pulling orders in a home improvement store and over the years noticed a trend with majority of the men I worked with and the male customer base. If I had a heavy load by myself and was carrying it or carting it down the thinner aisles, I would have to move out of the way for male customers. It was like they didn’t see me, even if I was clearly handling a big load, such as a flat cart of bricks, and it was difficult to make the small turns out of the way, they would literally wait for me to move so they could continue on a straight path. When we had to team up for heavier orders and I had a male coworker with me, the male customers always moved out of the way for us, so we could continue straight down the aisle. If it was just the odd case, I’d call it rudeness, but this happened constantly, and got to the point where I was losing time trying to move out of the way of men who, frankly, should move for the heavier load.
#8
I bought my house by myself and everyone always asks to speak to Mr. my last name. When I say there isn't one, they get a stupid look on their face and stutter. Thats when I close the door or hang up. The whole not being heard until someone else says it, also happens to women all the time.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago (edited)
My high school called our house asking for a donation. When my wife told him I wasn't home, the caller asked - and I kid you not - "Ma'am, does your husband permit you to make financial decisions?" And then the fun began.
#9
Man explain basic things to me all the time. But the worst is when they explain things I am an expert in. Man are often interested in my job but instead of asking questions they just start explaining the little they know about it. I hate it.
Gender roles show people what their culture sees as proper behavior for men and women. Children learn these expectations early. Traditionally, girls have been guided toward being nurturing, focusing on appearance, and being passive, while boys have been encouraged to be independent, ambitious, confident, and assertive.
What matters most is that these roles are not just written rules. Families, schools, media, and daily life often reinforce them by repeating messages about how boys and girls should act. Over time, these patterns shape what people expect from themselves and each other.
#10
Men: I don’t want kids
Doctor: alright let’s schedule you a vasectomy
Women: I don’t want kids
Doctor: but what will your husband think?!
(This happened to me and the doctor was a woman).
#11
My (M) female manager was on a call with several people troubleshooting an issue. A guy made a bad suggestion (he was new) and she said "that wouldn't work" and moved on.
The guy went crying (literally crying) to his boss about how mean and dismissive she is. That boss went to his director and a few days later, she's in the director's office discussing how she's not considerate enough of other people's feelings.
She's way more considerate of feelings than my male manager, who's never had to deal with this, and that's evidenced by how many more folks come to her than to him.
So simultaneously getting extra work and stress for being too sensitive while getting reamed for not being sensitive enough. She can't win.
Kate Johnson 11 hours ago
Aw the poor delicate little flower couldn't handle the slightest suggestion that he didn't know what he was doing. What a t**d.
#12
How women are still expected to be the people who keep everything clean.
Not just from a literal labor perspective, but also from how a home is perceived when it's not perfectly clean.
There has been a study done on this - if a man has a messy house it doesn't get viewed as that messy, and there are no social repercussions for him. But if a woman has a messy house it gets seen as worse and she suffers social repercussions.
So when a couple or family lives together then she will be blamed and he will be excused, while he claims that the mess does not matter.
When people grow up with the same gender expectations, those ideas can start to seem like common sense instead of social rules. For example, girls often hear they should be caring or agreeable, while boys are encouraged to be independent and assertive. These patterns become familiar without anyone needing to explain them.
The American Psychological Association points out that traditional gender roles often continue because boys and girls are treated differently, sometimes without people even realizing it. This helps explain why sexism is not always intentional. People may just repeat behaviors they learned before they ever thought to question them.
#13
1. The "Pink Tax" - products marketed towards women are more expensive even if they are identical in quality or the only difference being color or size.
2. Medical sexism - women are more likely to have their pain dismissed, and less likely to be prescribed painkillers for the same conditions. Clinical trials didn't involve women until the 1990s. Women's bodies have hardly been researched compared to men.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 hours ago
I buy so many "men's" products and items because of the Pink Tax. I also buy men's pants/shorts because of the pockets situation, and I buy men's deodorant because it's so much more effective than all the women's deodorants I've ever tried, and tbh, I don't like smelling like Lavender Fields or Floral Fantasy or Fresh Tradwife Laundry Load.
#14
In the news, I’m sick of hearing “A man and his wife…”. Why can’t it be, “a woman and her husband”? Or, “a couple”. Also the constant distinction between genders like “a female fire fighter”, why not just “Firefighter”? “A female police officer” can just be “a police officer”
Why “a single mother” I don’t often hear “single father”.
I could go on.
Jeff White 11 hours ago
This behavior is changing (in the U.S.). Slowly, begrudgingly, sure. But changing. However, if the U.S. mail carrier is a women, I'm still using Femail man.
#15
Something I (m) notice a lot is in group conversations a lot of the time men and women will start talking at the same time but the woman stops and people listen to the man. Then it happens 2 or 3 times in a row and they just give up trying to be heard unless no one else is speaking. Perhaps minor sexism, perhaps the men are just louder, perhaps the women are just taught to let others go first and men arent. But it's certainly a subtle example of something they have to endure more than men.
Some of those old expectations still show up in everyday family life. In U.S. households where both parents work full time, 52% say the mother does more daily parenting, and 43% say she does more chores. Only 10% say the father does more parenting, and 17% say he does more chores.
This pattern stands out even more when looking at paid work. Even if mothers work more hours than fathers, people are still more likely to say mothers do more parenting and housework. The numbers do not explain why families split tasks this way, but they show that old expectations still affect daily life.
#16
When I try to tell my boyfriend something and he really doesn’t listen to me about it until another man tells him the same thing. For example, I’ll say I really like this show. He says “that’s cool” and then one of his friends will tell him the exact same thing and he’ll text me, “have you ever watched (show name)? It seems really good.” A lot of men do this. Our credibility means nothing until another man confirms what we’re saying. Worst part is most men are unaware they’re doing it.
#17
Smile. Men are not told to "smile, you'll be prettier".
Physical touch - unwanted. From toddlerhood upward, girls especially are conditioned to not just accept physical touch they may be uncomfortable with, but even shamed when they say no. Girls are literally trained to ignore their own gut instincts to save Uncle Chester the embarrassment of a little girl saying no.
These things are just a couple of the very many subtle sexist acts women endure before they are even in kindergarten. These happen at home. By well-meaning but ignorant family members as well as the creepy ones.
Jeff White 11 hours ago
The order to Smile does seem quite infuriating. We, Society, need to think of a standard "F*** off" response (without using F*** off) that is used every time. Maybe the point will get through.
#18
Using "like a girl" as an insult. "You throw like a girl," "you cry like a little girl," etc etc.
Beak Hookage 7 hours ago
How about "you endure insane amounts of physical and emotional pain in silence like a girl"?
Another term that often comes up is chauvinism. In particular, male chauvinism is the belief that men are naturally better than women. This idea is closely tied to the gender roles we talked about before, where men were expected to be strong, independent leaders, and women were given different expectations.
Then, Machismo has a more specific cultural meaning. The word became common in English in the 1950s and 1960s, when American scholars used it to describe what they saw as an extremely masculine culture in Latin America. Later, the term spread into popular culture and came to mean aggressive or controlling masculinity.
#19
I'm a guy and my girlfriend and I usually take turns paying the bill when we go out.
I can't count the number of times that my girlfriend will pay and the card is automatically returned to me. Sometimes even when paying at the register the cashier will give me the card when they just watched my girlfriend hand it to them. I never noticed it prior to dating my SO but now that it happens it irritates the hell out of me. If you watch her hand you the money why would you give me the change?!?
#20
This might have been mentioned on the sub before but when I walk down the sidewalk and a guy is walking towards me, he usually expects me to move over so he can walk past me. Rarely does he do the same. I usually keep walking and let him adjust instead.
Also at work, male coworkers or supervisors rarely plan events for others. We will have baby showers or birthdays and they're almost always planned by a woman. .
Andi 3 hours ago
first one - blame the parents - that's just rude and they should have been brought up better. Also, as a tall man I'm expected to stop and move for smaller people otherwise I'll just bowl them over. My mother was about 5 foot and would slip through a crowd like a greased rat and then complain that i was mile behind ... BUT SHE TAUGHT ME MATTERS!!! Second - genuinely doesn't bother men if there are no birthday etc stuff in work. we don't organise any because we don't care - seriously. Spontaneous 'pint?' may do, but as for the rest - happy to join in but if they don't happen - not bothered - sorry.
#21
If a mechanic is working on my car and there is a man standing near me that they think is my bf/hubby, the mechanic will talk to him.
Happened to me twice. Once it was some random guy and once it was my brother. The random guy basically said, “Um I have a Honda Accord?”
Min (she/her) 8 hours ago
My then-husband and I took my car to the mechanic and he was only with me because the car was being left there and I needed a ride home. I told the mechanic the problem and he turned to my husband to ask a follow up question. My husband pointedly turned to me for me to answer, which I did. The mechanic then turned back to my husband to ask another question, he turned to me to answer yet again. This went on for about 2-3 minutes before we were done and not once did the mechanic ask me a question directly.
That history also reminds us to use the word carefully. Machismo does not capture a single, unchanging Latin American experience, and gender roles have always varied between countries, social groups, and generations. Even so, the idea shows how beliefs about masculinity, authority, and male superiority can last and change over time instead of fading away.
Sexism is not always easy to spot. It can show up in small assumptions, different expectations, or daily habits that often go unnoticed. When we understand where these patterns come from, it becomes easier to notice them in our own lives.
Have you ever experienced or witnessed a subtle form of sexism that others seemed to overlook? What happened, and how did you react? Share your thoughts in the comments!
#22
I went down pretty far and didn't see this yet, but safety equipment is SO hard to find a woman.
From motorcycles to work to hobbies... I'm constantly dealing with oversized tools and safety gear. And when it IS marketed for women it's either marked up fit the "Pink Tax", men's shape but smaller, and/or some frilly pastel color.
I shouldn't have to compromise on my comfort, much less my safety, for this stuff.
#23
Next time a man says a woman is a w***e for sleeping with X number of men, ask yourself (or them lol) if men are whores for sleeping with the same number of women.
Then answer is no, men are never whores for sleeping with any women, lots of women, many women or *all* the women. Period. End of f*****g discussion. There are TV shows that glorify that concept, just hit up HBO or Showtime.
That's my big pet peeve, and I work in a male dominated field. To be fair, when I hear the menz at work say that about the wimmenz and I ask that question, more often than not they'll think about it and tentatively agree it's b******t.
It's looking up ladies! I hear we might even have equal pay by 2050 something! Woo woo!
Still born too early.
Earonn - 7 hours ago
The whole concept of "body count is idiotic, but yes, for a man "body count" is positive, for a woman it's negative. Fvck that. The most idiotic thing is that by keeping that up, men deprive themselves from se.x. How many women, do you think, would like to sleep with a man but don't do it in order "not to have a too hight body count number"? So, so stvpid.
#24
Especially when as a young woman in a technical, male-dominated field: Either not being taken seriously, or getting an odd reverse-parentification where older male mentors will overly worry about you/your safety compared to male coworkers.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
If management is worried about the safety of women at their workplace, it is the males they should be talking to.
#25
As a black man you've probably experienced this too, but being the only woman in the room.
I've always worked in a male dominated field. When I was in school I studied a male dominated degree. Things are a little bit better now, but I'm always keeping track of the male to female ratio in meetings or on teams. One time I mentioned to a male colleague and friend that the meeting we'd just left was the first meeting all week where I wasn't the only woman in the room. He hadn't noticed and was shocked when I pointed it out. After that he started noticing how often there were no women in the room or only one or two.
GalPalAl 2 hours ago
I do notice in spaces where most people appear white and anglo, that it must feel odd being a person of color or obvious ethnicity that isn't. It bothers me because I don't want them to feel under represented and often feel guilty myself for looking white but feeling neutral. Being a woman often also feels like this on a larger scale. I do have empathy and wish we behaved accordingly.
#26
Majority of heterosexual households are still mostly under the responsibility of the woman
Even if the man has some roles in it, it is still the women's responsibility to notice, manage, and give instructions.
#27
This is kinda specific, but my brother once told me I was gross because I hadn't shaved my legs in a while, but of course he doesn't shave his.
Basically commenting on womens body hair/expecting that a woman is always perfectly shaved really bothers me.
olivejuicedrinker (she/her) 15 hours ago
WAIT WOMEN HAVE BODY HAIR???? OH MY GOD THATS DISGUSTING!!!!!!! (this is a joke)
#28
People who assume attractive women can not be intelligent or competent.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
Society tell attractive women that they don't have to be intelligent or competent. And it tells all women that being intelligent or competent isn't very attractive.
#29
As a smaller women, i’ve noticed that men won’t take no for an answer when i’m carrying something and say i have it. i guess it’s sweet to offer to carry it, but one time i was carrying jugs of water and told a man “no, i got it” and he went to grab it and of course, the jugs slipped and spilled absolutely everywhere.
I snapped and told him “that’s why i said i have it” and everyone i’ve told that story to said i was being a horrid jerk and he was just trying to help. don’t help if i say no!
#30
I was relentlessly bullied by a colleague. Anytime I’d even try to even remotely stand up for myself, I’d get hauled in. I was once literally asked “can’t you just be nicer to him?”
I also discovered that one of the reasons I was hired was that I was deemed unattractive enough to not be considered a distraction to the men in the company.
#31
Taking up space... stretching there legs wide so its hard to sit on the bus or tram, expecting me to always give way to him on a sidewalk or step around him in the grocery store.
Earonn - 7 hours ago
I stopped walking around them. I walk on the correct side of the sidewalk, if he walks towards me I will stop right in front of him, but I won't move. They do get the message and I have to say it's better than 10 years ago (but maybe with age the wrinkles give me more of a p/ssed-off expression 😄 ). Those in the bus usually move when I mention it loud enough for everyone else in the seats around to hear.
#32
Bit of an assumption/projection here. I'm a white male who reads a lot of audio books and live in a largely rural area where reading perhaps isn't a typical masculine activity. I utilize my local free public library for access to audio books. Because I generally look for books that are "available now," I generally skip over whatever is currently popular. It took me a while to realize it, but I probably read 10 books by female authors with female protagonists before I got to the point where I was like, "I just want a male author with a male protagonist so I can actually relate to the character and the story." It then clicked for me how women must feel their entire lives (at least women in my generation and older) only having male-centric books, movies, TV shows, etc. (FWIW, the same logic applies to other minorities. I'd go nuts if the only entertainment I had available was written by and for another cultural group to which I couldn't relate.).
#33
Unpaid work in the workplace: organizing parties, getting cards signed, watering plants, etc.
#34
Someone mentioned men being the default, and that made me think of this thing about women using softer phrasings than men, such as "I was wondering if you could just..." in emails. Or rather I should say "men using less soft phrasings than women", because the thing that irks me is that the conclusion is often: "women should be more direct!". How about "men should use softer phrasings"? Why would the standard be what men do?
Earonn - 7 hours ago
It's especially infuriating if as a woman you DO talk more 'direct' and then get backlash for it. My friend and I are both no-nonsense types. He gets praised by his boss (and got partly a promotion for it) for "being so direct and always saying what doesn't work". I got told off.
#35
Men being the default.
Just above this, I saw a news headline: “female pilot survives canopy shatter at thousands of feet”.
She’s just a pilot. That’s it.
#36
When a straight couple is making a business decision like buying a car, house, or insurance, sometimes the salesperson will direct all their questions and conversation to the man even when the wife has made it clear she's the breadwinner, the decision maker, or the more knowledgeable person.
Aileen Grist 1 hour ago
Unless they're buying a kitchen/kitchen appliance - then they default to the woman
#37
Assuming when a woman is bad at something that *all* women are bad at it.
Recent example: My SO is in construction. His supervisor is a woman and she's not great at her job. He came home and was about to start a rant with "women in construction" but I gave him a look and he changed it to "this supervisor is terrible." He hasn't come across enough women in his field to make a sweeping generalization like that and when I pointed out he's never begun a rant about male supervisors with "men in construction" I think it threw him for a loop.
Earonn - 7 hours ago
And it goes so many ways - you are deemed 'bad' at something because 'women are bad at it'. You constantly feel the pressure of representing all women when doing something. If something goes wrong, you get more "typical woman!" where I man would get offers of help (the car I was driving stalled once because of a problem with its gear box that I didn't know about. I stopped, put emergency lights on - and men passed me by, insulting me as a "typical woman, can't drive".
#38
Have you ever hung out around a guy who seems to think it's his God-given place in earth to criticize or rate women at random, just from how they look or act? "I don't like her short hair." "She's not skinny enough to wear those jeans." "That chick would be hot if she wore more/less makeup." "She needs to stop talking if she wants a husband." "That ones not acting very lady like." Yeah, that's the one that irks me. Not all women center how they present themselves around your ideals. They look the way they look for themselves, They act the way they act for themselves, and that is something you have no business critiquing.
Earonn - 7 hours ago
Actually, most of us, if not practically all, don't even think about men when we decide what to do, how to dress. The only man who I think about when it comes to my hair style is the hair stylist, and that's because he's so incredibly good at imagining how people would look with different hair styles.
#39
Something that happened all the time at our D&D games, that variously had 2-3 women at them and 4 men:
One of the women would announce an action and every one of the other women would hear her and react accordingly and not one of the men would hear her. Got so we'd just say "oh it's that 'female voice' thing again." Not one of us was any quieter than any of the guys, decibel-wise. We just were not heard.
#40
Basically expecting me to act in a way that meets a standard they don't hold themselves or other men to.
I used to climb with a guy who would talk about the girls he was seeing in a s****l context, who would be very forward about physical things, that kinda deal, but when I made one joke about how I was "gonna get so laid" he tore into me about how unladylike it was and how I had no respect for my relationship.
#41
Assuming anytime you push back on what they say you are being argumentative. i was talking to a guy and sometimes i disagreed with his positions so i would say that, and he called me argumentative. i said if i were a man you would probably just call me passionate 🤷🏽♀️.
#42
When men pass you in a crowded place they will put their hands on your waist, I hate it. They will pat a man on his shoulder but it’s always straight to the waist for women.
Why the hell do men do that?? I’ve had a stranger put his hand on my thigh once to say goodbye to me. Whole time before he was trying to force a conversation with me that I was not reciprocating at all, I don’t think I ever even said anything back to him at any point.
I was just trying to listen to the music that he was talking trash on and he grabbed my freaking thigh. Why do they so feel so entitled to touch our bodies?
#43
I went through Quantico (not as an agent). They made all the female married people in class stand up, then made all the single men in class stand up and pointed at each woman and said “you are not to have intercourse with”. That was a weird moment.
Another one, they host law enforcement from around the world there for special classes. Usually top level senior folks. Well everyone is housed in the same dorms, uses the same class rooms and laundry and dining hall etc. so we get to know each other well. Second day being there our counselor for the class holds all the women after class and tells us to not be alone with the senior LE folks. Like dont even get in the elevator with them by yourself cause “things happen and people talk and your reputation can be destroyed”. Never mind that most of us were between 22-27 and these are senior law enforcement people and we are babies to the LE scene.
Now that im writing this out I see it’s not very subtle.
#44
I’m a managing attorney. Some jerk attorney sent us an email criticizing our marketing procedures because we sent material to a client he already represented. When I pointed out that we don’t have any way to know whether someone has retained an attorney, he criticized my lack of charm in my response.
#45
Assumptions that women are overreacting. I constantly monitor how I react in public so that I don't get filmed as a Karen.
The second is everything is designed for men. I have to constantly adjust seatbelts around my breasts, and I wouldn't be protected as well as a man during a crash.
#46
A lot of times in my life, people just don’t believe me or ask for clarification from one of my coworkers. I almost never know if this is because I am being unclear/unhelpful, or if it’s because they are being misogynistic.
Sometimes it’s obvious. Like when I went to an emergency service where an apartment building boiler system needed to be filled and bled. I knocked on an apartment in the top floor so I could come in with my bucket and hose to bleed air out of the baseboard. I start, and midway thru, the owner says I should really find my supervisor, because “Clearly, You are doing Something Wrong”. He told me that the baseboards should be hot, and they are cold. He would like to speak to one of my superiors. I tell him that it’s cold because an emergency pressure valve failed and dumped the entire boiler water supply. We are filling it cold, the baseboards will be cold. He talks over me and insists he doesn’t want me to do another thing until I figure out what I’m doing wrong.
I go fetch a man 6 years younger than me who is my fellow apprentice. Luis tells the old man the *exact same thing* I do. Old man smiles and tells us “that makes sense, I permit you to do your job now.”
I work in a male dominated industry. So more ambiguous versions of that instance happen all the time.
#47
*Some men*, say "Men and Females." Men/Women, or boy/girl are gender identities, male/female are bodies/physiologies. It's a reduction of the woman's identity down to her base physiology.
*Some men*, are femmephobic and think less of the intellect / abilities of feminine women simply because she's feminine.
*Some men*, cut off women speaking, often either when they agree and thus take the floor, or disagree and feel an immediate need to silence and correct her.
*Some men*, infantalize women, such as "Men and girls." Implying women need to be taken care of as if they're infants. Sometimes it's via Chauvinism, sometimes it's just via an assumption of lesser~ness.
*Some men,* use v****a/p***y as an insult of weakness. In a similar vein, calling someone a girl, etc. as a means to say they're weak or stupid, or something "lesser than."
*Some men,* conversely, are sexist against strong willed women, smart women, etc. and feel a need to "knock them down a notch."
With some men, you're d****d either way, do or don't, it's a hierarchy based on privilege given to assigned birth gender, and some men are constantly trying to "check" women into "their places."
#48
Making a potentially offensive joke (racist, raunchy, whatever) and all immediately turning to the only woman in the room and apologizing. It's subtly excluding.
#49
I hear this around the office and it always grates on my nerves:
Whenever someone uses the word 'B***h(ing)' to describe someone who excessively whines and complains.
I have a problem with the word in general. When applied to a woman it's a derogatory term, and when applied to a man, it's meant to imply that he is acting like a woman. You know, because the worst thing for a man to be is a woman.
#50
We were having group discussions in one of my classes yesterday and someone in my group said, "...yeah, and because women are manipulative they...."
I interrupted him. "You mean some PEOPLE are manipulative. It isn't a gender specific thing."
"Yeah, but women are more manipulative."
"Not all of them."
"....."
Ugh.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
Is it that women are more likely to force their way with manipulation, or is it that men are more likely to force their way with violence?
#51
My personal favorite was when I worked at Radio Shack. As a former electronics technician in the Navy, I was far more qualified than anyone else that worked there. I knew what everything was in the parts drawers, could read schematics, etc.
And yet, EVERY GUY that came in would look for a man to help him. I'd get walked past while they'd wander off to find some kid who didn't know the difference between a resistor and a cap.
#52
I've had this a few times:
"[swears]...OOPS I'm so sorry"
I swear like a goddam sailor, constantly. Haha.
#53
"helping" women who don't need help. If you wouldn't do the same thing for a man, don't do it for a woman. It's patronizing and disrespectful and it's super awkward to shut down as a woman because then you're misconstrued as an ungrateful b***h when someone was "just being nice and trying to help".
#54
The expectation that women are (or should be) super social, incessantly chatty, gossipy - the concept of introverted women is often lost on people. And I’m finding that we don’t get left alone (by people of any gender) anywhere near as much as introverted men, and that we should be ‘converted’ somehow.
#55
Men “babysitting” their own children.
Michael Largey 59 minutes ago
They are advertising that being a parent is just an occasional task to them, not a lifelong commitment.
#56
I work with a man who frequently replies with, “I was just thinking that!” when women make a good suggestion or observation. My colleague and I always glance at each other with a knowing expression.
#57
Mechanics always would prefer to talk to my bf despite both of us having the same level of car knowledge. He said no way, we went to a shop for an inspection, and despite my name on the car, me handing them the keys and explaining what it’s there for, the owner turned and talked to my boyfriend. My favorite mechanic I had was a younger guy who used to do my dad’s car and he never did that. I also noticed that when I hand my credit card to a server most give it back to my boyfriend. I told him he must have made eye contact first lmao.
Also, as a black woman I felt your example. I just had a co worker explain how she loved going to a local store, and I told her I never shop there cause the owner tailed me the whole time when I was a teen and didn’t tail my white friends at all, she tried to brush it off like “that’s not a real thing.” Okay. I imagined the owner asking if I needed help like three times then going back to the counter only after I left.
#58
OK...this might be too overt, but every woman I know has stories (too many stories) of getting followed by men. Sometimes it's after an interaction other times it's after merely being observed by them but they all sound terrifying to varying degrees.
#59
Calling women “females” like a noun. Like, “I’ve never sparred with a female before.”.
#60
I've noticed a lot of dudes on here ask questions as if men and women just have FUNDAMENTAL differences in the way they think.
Michael Largey 52 minutes ago
I hope they do, or God help us! (Or more seriously, the more diversity in a species, the higher its survivability.)
#61
S**t-shaming. I remember about a year ago I went to my boyfriend's camp for labor day weekend (really it's his brother in law's family camp but still). Anyway, one his buddies ended up hooking up with a girl we know in the porta-potty. A lot of jokes were made at their expense, but what I noticed is that jokes made about he guy involved were very much along the lines of "Oh you dog you" as well as implying that the girl may have given him something if she was "dirty" enough to do it in there. I pointed this put to my boyfriend and he did stop joking about it as much, but in general it still continued and more jokes were made this year (though not as bad).
#62
Men not really listening to what you say and then saying essentially the same thing you said.
#63
Calling grown women girls.
Expecting teenage girls to be more mature and getting upset when they act like children.
Thinking the wife or girlfriend in a het relationship should be more responsible and mature.
#66
My husband and I lived together for several years before we decided we wanted to get married. When people would ask about it, we would answer truthfully that we just didn't want to get married. Then behind my now-husband's back people would say things to me like, "I know HE doesn't want to get married, but what about you?" And "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll propose some day." As if I secretly wanted to get married but it was HIM who was the problem, because all women want to get married and all men want to stay single right? That ticked me off. And when people would make any little sexist "jokes" like "Oh I bet she wants to put all kinds of decorative pillows on the bed, women hahaha. You leave that to her, right (husband's name)?" Or "Fill out this form, she should probably do it because she'll have better handwriting right hehehe." God I hate it so much. And here on Reddit the handwriting thing comes up so often. Anytime there is something handwritten that looks neat, everyone's like "No way was that written by a guy! Looks like a woman's handwriting!"
#67
You're expected to spend a bunch of time and money on make up just to look normal. Sure, you can go without (I do) but then everyone will think you're a lesbian (I am) or just don't have your s**t together (also me).
#69
Talking over women during conversations. Or not letting women get a word in.
#70
Saying small chested women are boys and the word flat. Maybe im too woke idk.
Serena Myers 1 hour ago
It's bliss when you're 'flat' and don't need to bother with a bra when you're older. Perhaps a gilet for the sake of decency in public in colder weather, wouldn't want to offend anyone with 'it's cold' ni*ples, would we.
#71
How the default compliment for little girls is about their looks rather than what they do. They get told how great it is that they're pretty while boys hear how great it is that they're smart, or fast, or brave, or strong. It tells them what society values in them.
#72
That whole, “it’s a great idea when it comes from someone else’s mouth” is very common for women too. Our ideas are always minimized.
Ask any wife whether or not her husband listens to her ideas. If his male friend tells him the same thing, it’s the best idea he’s ever heard.
#73
If I’m in a group of either mostly men or all men and another man joins and introduces himself, he often will not acknowledge my existence.
I’ve had it happen where he went down the entire line of us, shaking hands with all the men in the group, and not only did he not introduce himself or shake my hand, he didn’t even look at me or acknowledge my existence in any way even though I was sitting in the middle of all of them.
It’s super dehumanizing and it happens all the time. My way of getting pretty “revenge” is if I’m meeting a straight couple for the first time, I will introduce myself to the girl and completely ignore the man.
General Anaesthesia 12 hours ago
Taking revenge on someone you're meeting for the first time really shows them how much better you are than they are. Or that you're no different from them.
#74
I was in the military and every now and then we'll get junk mail from some "veterans benefits company". These mailers are always addressed to my husband, who never served in the military.
#75
Not really paying attention to what I or other women say unless it's about them. It's usually in a group of more men than women.
#76
My husband doesn't drink, we go out for dinner and I order a beer and he orders a coke zero, the wait staff always want to give him the beer.
#77
I've found that with some men if they are dealing with things that concern both my boyfriend and me (i.e. OUR lease) they will always make and hold eye contact with only him. They are very clearly only talking to him.
Another example I have is something that has happened at a few different workplaces of mine. If we have received a shipment of something (cleaning supplies, office supplies, toiletries, etc) the men of the workplace upon seeing the boxes always assume I can't handle moving them where they need to go and always go "oh don't worry about that I'll get it." It could be a box of paperclips, but they have assumed that I am unable (or maybe unwilling) to carry it. I never ask for help or complain about moving boxes, so it is not even based on a history of me passing off the duty.
#78
Assuming everything a woman says or does comes from an emotional place. We're humans, we try our best to balance reason and emotion, and negating the severity of a situation because you assume it's from an emotional cloud or because women can't think outside their emotions is just wrong.
GalPalAl 1 hour ago
I hear this argument and ask if women were in charge of the country, would they automatically say lets shoot first and ask questions later, or should we go to war? They default to violence and toxic masculinity where woman read the room and considered other options. The patriarchy and good ole boys always want to keep women pregnant and in the kitchen. I look forward tot he day when we overpower them. They still need us to birth children, so we have that as leverage
#79
Calling us a "fine young lady"
I seriously hate it when someone meets me( usually older) and they are like "and who is this fine young lady here".
Michael Largey 46 minutes ago (edited)
It also means that the third party who knows both of you has failed to provide the other two the courtesy if an introduction.
#80
"This guy said (place something s****l here) to me :(. It made me uncomfortable, I didn't like it."
"Well, what were you wearing?"
I SWEAR this happens to me way more often than not, when I complain about being catcalled to or receiving inappropriate comments. Even my boyfriend, who I think has a great amount of respect and understanding for women, says this every once in a while.
I don't even dress provocatively. at all.
(then again idk if this is technically sexist, it's just something that's annoying about the way people try to justify saying gross things to a young lady)
Earonn - 6 hours ago
She should show her boyfriend the photos from the "What I was wearing" exhibition. You know, the clothes women were wearing when they were ra/ped - including dresses in toddler size. But that shouldn't be necessary in the first place. It's well known that it doesn't matter how someone dresses, that ra/pists ra/pe because it gives them a feeling of power. So anyone who refers to clothes should be treated as if they just uttered some silly old superstition. But men can say that, and their friends will refuse to even call them out, let alone give up the friendship with such a d/ck.
What do you think ?
Earonn - 6 hours ago
You will always find "the other sort" in any group you talk about. What reason is that to treat the rest differently? Awww, she was upset you didn't open the car door for her? Oh my, how you suffered. So much more than me who at 9 or 10 years old had to fight of some gang ra/pists - and is still considered 'lucky' by her female friends because at 55 I never have been ra/ped so far. FFS.
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Earonn - 6 hours ago
You will always find "the other sort" in any group you talk about. What reason is that to treat the rest differently? Awww, she was upset you didn't open the car door for her? Oh my, how you suffered. So much more than me who at 9 or 10 years old had to fight of some gang ra/pists - and is still considered 'lucky' by her female friends because at 55 I never have been ra/ped so far. FFS.
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