Man Dubs Wife An Overreactor After She Leaves When He Tosses A Cake She Made For Stepkid
Being a parent is far from easy – however, what’s even more challenging is taking on the role of a stepparent.
Look at this Redditor, for instance; the woman is a stepmom to a 12-year-old girl, for whose birthday the couple usually gets a cake from the bakery. This year, the woman wanted to make it a tad more special and bake it herself – yet, when her hubby noticed that the cake didn’t have blueberries, he flipped out and threw it in the trash!
More info: Reddit
This woman decided to bake her 12 y.o. stepdaughter a cake since they’d always gotten one from a bakery
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
The dad approved of the idea and informed his wife about his daughter’s favorite flavors and such
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image source: u/Quiet-Collection8476
“AITA for leaving my stepdaughter’s birthday party after my husband threw out the cake I made for her?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities to ask its members if she’s indeed a jerk for storming out of her stepkid’s birthday party after her husband flipped out about the cake that she had baked for her. The post managed to garner nearly 15K upvotes as well as 5K comments discussing the situation.
Did you know that according to Smart Stepfamilies, a leading author in blended family resources, “40% of families in the U.S. are blended with at least one partner having a child from a previous relationship before marriage”?
Now, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a stepparent or a biological parent – raising a kid is tough, and it’ll be even more difficult without adequate support from your other half.
Just think about it – in an ideal scenario, you’ll share responsibilities, provide emotional support for one another, give each other more flexibility when it comes to busy schedules, do the decision-making together, and overall just find a perfect balance that’ll positively impact your child!
However, when things are rather one-sided, and you don’t communicate and perhaps bury your past traumas in the closet, you risk not only hurting your offspring but also potentially even breaking up the family.
Look, despite its clichéd nature, you really can’t go far with no open communication; I mean, especially when you decide to remarry and give your kid a new parental figure.
You absolutely must establish a clear understanding of expectations and roles, and more importantly, be patient – or else the relationship can go nowhere but south.
However, when he realized that the cake had no blueberries, he lost it, prompting the woman to leave the party
Image credits: Anastasia Chaplinskaya (not the actual photo)
Take a peek at the author of today’s story! u/Quiet-Collection8476 has been married to her husband “Jeff” for a year. He has a 12-year-old daughter whose mother sadly passed away, and so the OP is doing everything in her power to provide her with some motherly love and support.
For example, for her stepkid’s birthday, the couple would usually get a cake from the bakery – however, this time, the Redditor wanted to show the girl some extra love and bake it herself.
The woman consulted her husband, and he gladly agreed and shared his offspring’s favorite flavors and such! The stepmom did everything according to the girl’s liking, yet she had to skip the blueberries as she simply couldn’t find any at the store.
When the birthday party was coming together, the man asked his wife to show him the cake – however, instead of the expected “well done, honey! I love it!” the man went absolutely ballistic and tossed the cake out because there were no blueberries.
Naturally, the woman was taken aback by such behavior, so she stormed out to stay with her parents and has since been ignoring her husband.
What do you think about this rather delicate situation, Pandas? How would you handle it?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
That man is freaking crazy… Makes me wonder if he killed the first wife
WHY DO ALL THESE PARENTS TAKE THE SIDE OF THE HUSBAND??? You should always be supporting and helping YOUR CHILD when they come to you and if their husband is showing majorly abusive major red flags you need to call him up and cuss him out not tell your daughter "oh it's your fault." If he punches her in the face one day, will that be her fault too? Not saying that's where this is going, but it's a slippery slope.
"felt pressured from the stress of making his daughter happy on her birthday" - could also make the 12-year-old sound like a birthday girlzilla who told her father "I want blueberries on the cake OR ELSE!" Which I doubt. Holy f**k, are the OP's parents from a 1950s cult of the perfect housewife??
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So She overreacted to Him screaming at her and throwing an entire home baked birthday cake in the trash? Total gaslighting control freak. It also seems a short period of time between wife's passing and them being together and married if his and daughters memory of previous mothers birthday cake is still so important. He might have latched onto her to avoid raising his daughter alone as he preferred a housekeeper and carer he could control than being an adult himself.
This is exactly what I thought. Throwing a perfectly good cake and a beautiful gesture into the garbage because of missing blueberries, is an extreme overreaction on his part.
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This makes me wonder how the child is being treated. At least the OP is able to just leave. The little girl is stuck with that loon. Poor kid.
Someone who throws away perfectly good food is always an a*s, but this one also needs therapy. Sounds like he wasn't ready for a new partner but needed a parenting help.
Love it when they try and make you feel like a reasonable burden on them for *checks notes* not being able to buy blueberries that don't exist but also, why did you leave, your made everyone upset, why do you overreact so much??? Yeah you're right, I'm the problem and you deserve better, bye and stop calling.
NTA - usually when I see messages going "leave" I think it is an over reaction but in this case I think you may genuinely be in danger and it is time to leave after a good chat with your stepdaughter explaining that it is not her fault and checking that she isn't also being abused.
NTA. Today, he threw a cake; next time, he could end up throwing OP or his own daughter. This marriage isn't worth the risk of getting critically injured. OP should stay away until she's ready to collect her belongings. At the same time, she should explain to the daughter that none of this is her fault in any way. Then leave, and put her own parents on a severely restricted information diet. The last thing she needs is being ganged up upon.
If they were that important, he should have made that clear. And since they're a topping, he could have asked if you'd be willing to run out to a different store and try to secure them. Toppings can be added later. Huge red flags. Start talking a divorce attorney.
"Toppings can be added later." Exactly! If he's already planning on going to the store to buy a new cake, why wouldn't he just go to the store to buy blueberries instead? He could just add them on himself.
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Do not marry or stay with a person this angry or petty. God knows what will set them off next.
NTA a billion times over. He throws out the cake that she spent her time and hard work on because of some dumb decoration issue? And then he has the audacity to text her later and tell her that it’s all her fault and that SHE overreacted. Even the fact that she feels the need to go online and ask if she’s the wrong one in this situation screams that’s she’s already been manipulated enough. I don’t normally say this, and I doubt she’ll ever see this either, but please, please leave him, as soon as possible. This guy is just not worth it.
Reminds me of my ex-husband when he threw out my whole pasta pot with homemade sauce in the garbage because he didn't feel like eating that and I should have known. We were extra poor and he wasted at least 2 meals. And that wasn't a first but it's on the list of why he's an ex.
This should have been a learning experience for the Dad or the daughter. One of two things 1) Dad found out daughter was not disappointed by the blueberries. or 2) Daughter was disappointed and if she made a fuss, she was taught that it was expected for her to be gracious and not to throw it out of proportion.
I wish I could upvote this more than once! Precisely what I was thinking.
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I wouldn't even bother trying to explain this situation to him. Leave.
if he gets like that over something stupid like berries what the hecks he going to be like over something serious?
He has control issues. It’s not perfect if it’s not perfect in his eyes. You made a home made cake, it’s missing one thing and he went nuts. I wouldn’t stay married to him and I feel bad for his daughter
Jesus Christ, get an annulment & get away. I feel sorry for the daughter if that's how he reacts over a cake.
If he had time to go buy another cake hebhad to time to go get the blueberries he sooooo needed. Nah that dude is a class act ahole. Move on. Seriously dont keep turning yourself inside out and your parents, maybe explains why you find yourself in a emotionally abusive relationship, because clearly they arent emotionally stable either. Move on and figure out where you are in life and what type of therapy you need to be able to take care of yourself and desl.with the patterns of abuse you have dealt with. Life is to short.
Get. Out. Now. This is not about blueberries. You will never be good enough or measure up to the dead lady. She will never make a mistake but you always will. Just go. This is not salvageable.
Why are her parents taking his side?! My parents would've told him where to shove those blueberries.
I expected this story to go a different way. I actually thought it was going to say that she made the cake and the kid didn't like it so she had a hissy fit and stormed out!!! She would definitely have been the ah then!!! I bet the kid would have loved the cake though and even if she didn't it could be some what expected as it must be hard for the kid seeing a "replacement" for their dead mom so might take some patience and understanding for the kid to readjust to the change. But THIS! It sounds like Dad isn't ready for the change of a new partner. OP should see this as a major red flag. It sounds like dad is afraid of dead mom being "replaced". If the kid sees rhis behaviour towards OP they will also not want to see mom being "replaced." I say this having witnessed my sister start into a relationship before she was emotionally ready following the death of her spouse. It was a s**t show.
She's absolutely right to leave. You should never tolerate such behaviour. Let it slide - and he'll start throwing tantrums every time he experiences any mild inconvenience. If a grown-a*s man reacts to everything like a nasty spoiled kid, he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.
I'd be so happy if anyone had made me a birthday cake, and at 12 I wouldn't have cared about missing blueberries at all. Esp. when a sort of 'stand-in Mom' had made it as a sign of love. He's a an abusive bawbag, she should grab the poor child and get out, and yes, I don't give a damn that it's his daughter, not hers. He will harm the child, too.
Yeah, everyone is right - this man is an unhinged nut and she needs to start divorce proceedings. He ain’t getting better if he behaved like that.
Why do women tolerate even less than this. Get your s**t and get out.
That man is freaking crazy… Makes me wonder if he killed the first wife
WHY DO ALL THESE PARENTS TAKE THE SIDE OF THE HUSBAND??? You should always be supporting and helping YOUR CHILD when they come to you and if their husband is showing majorly abusive major red flags you need to call him up and cuss him out not tell your daughter "oh it's your fault." If he punches her in the face one day, will that be her fault too? Not saying that's where this is going, but it's a slippery slope.
"felt pressured from the stress of making his daughter happy on her birthday" - could also make the 12-year-old sound like a birthday girlzilla who told her father "I want blueberries on the cake OR ELSE!" Which I doubt. Holy f**k, are the OP's parents from a 1950s cult of the perfect housewife??
Load More Replies... So She overreacted to Him screaming at her and throwing an entire home baked birthday cake in the trash? Total gaslighting control freak. It also seems a short period of time between wife's passing and them being together and married if his and daughters memory of previous mothers birthday cake is still so important. He might have latched onto her to avoid raising his daughter alone as he preferred a housekeeper and carer he could control than being an adult himself.
This is exactly what I thought. Throwing a perfectly good cake and a beautiful gesture into the garbage because of missing blueberries, is an extreme overreaction on his part.
Load More Replies... This makes me wonder how the child is being treated. At least the OP is able to just leave. The little girl is stuck with that loon. Poor kid.
Someone who throws away perfectly good food is always an a*s, but this one also needs therapy. Sounds like he wasn't ready for a new partner but needed a parenting help.
Love it when they try and make you feel like a reasonable burden on them for *checks notes* not being able to buy blueberries that don't exist but also, why did you leave, your made everyone upset, why do you overreact so much??? Yeah you're right, I'm the problem and you deserve better, bye and stop calling.
NTA - usually when I see messages going "leave" I think it is an over reaction but in this case I think you may genuinely be in danger and it is time to leave after a good chat with your stepdaughter explaining that it is not her fault and checking that she isn't also being abused.
NTA. Today, he threw a cake; next time, he could end up throwing OP or his own daughter. This marriage isn't worth the risk of getting critically injured. OP should stay away until she's ready to collect her belongings. At the same time, she should explain to the daughter that none of this is her fault in any way. Then leave, and put her own parents on a severely restricted information diet. The last thing she needs is being ganged up upon.
If they were that important, he should have made that clear. And since they're a topping, he could have asked if you'd be willing to run out to a different store and try to secure them. Toppings can be added later. Huge red flags. Start talking a divorce attorney.
"Toppings can be added later." Exactly! If he's already planning on going to the store to buy a new cake, why wouldn't he just go to the store to buy blueberries instead? He could just add them on himself.
Load More Replies... Do not marry or stay with a person this angry or petty. God knows what will set them off next.
NTA a billion times over. He throws out the cake that she spent her time and hard work on because of some dumb decoration issue? And then he has the audacity to text her later and tell her that it’s all her fault and that SHE overreacted. Even the fact that she feels the need to go online and ask if she’s the wrong one in this situation screams that’s she’s already been manipulated enough. I don’t normally say this, and I doubt she’ll ever see this either, but please, please leave him, as soon as possible. This guy is just not worth it.
Reminds me of my ex-husband when he threw out my whole pasta pot with homemade sauce in the garbage because he didn't feel like eating that and I should have known. We were extra poor and he wasted at least 2 meals. And that wasn't a first but it's on the list of why he's an ex.
This should have been a learning experience for the Dad or the daughter. One of two things 1) Dad found out daughter was not disappointed by the blueberries. or 2) Daughter was disappointed and if she made a fuss, she was taught that it was expected for her to be gracious and not to throw it out of proportion.
I wish I could upvote this more than once! Precisely what I was thinking.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't even bother trying to explain this situation to him. Leave.
if he gets like that over something stupid like berries what the hecks he going to be like over something serious?
He has control issues. It’s not perfect if it’s not perfect in his eyes. You made a home made cake, it’s missing one thing and he went nuts. I wouldn’t stay married to him and I feel bad for his daughter
Jesus Christ, get an annulment & get away. I feel sorry for the daughter if that's how he reacts over a cake.
If he had time to go buy another cake hebhad to time to go get the blueberries he sooooo needed. Nah that dude is a class act ahole. Move on. Seriously dont keep turning yourself inside out and your parents, maybe explains why you find yourself in a emotionally abusive relationship, because clearly they arent emotionally stable either. Move on and figure out where you are in life and what type of therapy you need to be able to take care of yourself and desl.with the patterns of abuse you have dealt with. Life is to short.
Get. Out. Now. This is not about blueberries. You will never be good enough or measure up to the dead lady. She will never make a mistake but you always will. Just go. This is not salvageable.
Why are her parents taking his side?! My parents would've told him where to shove those blueberries.
I expected this story to go a different way. I actually thought it was going to say that she made the cake and the kid didn't like it so she had a hissy fit and stormed out!!! She would definitely have been the ah then!!! I bet the kid would have loved the cake though and even if she didn't it could be some what expected as it must be hard for the kid seeing a "replacement" for their dead mom so might take some patience and understanding for the kid to readjust to the change. But THIS! It sounds like Dad isn't ready for the change of a new partner. OP should see this as a major red flag. It sounds like dad is afraid of dead mom being "replaced". If the kid sees rhis behaviour towards OP they will also not want to see mom being "replaced." I say this having witnessed my sister start into a relationship before she was emotionally ready following the death of her spouse. It was a s**t show.
She's absolutely right to leave. You should never tolerate such behaviour. Let it slide - and he'll start throwing tantrums every time he experiences any mild inconvenience. If a grown-a*s man reacts to everything like a nasty spoiled kid, he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.
I'd be so happy if anyone had made me a birthday cake, and at 12 I wouldn't have cared about missing blueberries at all. Esp. when a sort of 'stand-in Mom' had made it as a sign of love. He's a an abusive bawbag, she should grab the poor child and get out, and yes, I don't give a damn that it's his daughter, not hers. He will harm the child, too.
Yeah, everyone is right - this man is an unhinged nut and she needs to start divorce proceedings. He ain’t getting better if he behaved like that.
Why do women tolerate even less than this. Get your s**t and get out.
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