Very often stalking isn’t taken seriously because being creeped out by a person isn’t a serious enough crime for anyone to do anything about it. But the worst part is that when a stalker does something, it might already be too late.
Authorities react to stalking even less if it’s a man complaining about unwanted attention from a woman. This high school senior experienced it himself and when he reacted to his stalker giving him a gift by throwing it away, he was called cruel.
More info: Reddit
Stalkers are not always creepy middle-aged men; they can also be fellow students who are 18-year-old girls
Image credits: daniellehelm (not the actual photo)
This high schooler doesn’t feel flattered that a student at his school keeps following him, taking pictures and sending him messages with her fantasies
He actually feels frustrated that none of the adults seem to care about how uncomfortable he feels
Image credits: star athena (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lee Haywood (not the actual photo)
So when the girl skipped class to gift him a box of cupcakes he was merciless and threw it away but not before calling the girl a “creepy b***h”
Image credits: throwawaygifttrash
It did the trick as the girl ran away crying but one of the teenager’s friends called him cruel for reacting this way
The Original Poster (OP) of this story is in his last year of high school and is one step away from starting his adult life. But his last memories at school are being tainted by a girl who keeps following him around, filming him, editing photos to make it look like he’s her boyfriend and sending him messages about her fantasies about him.
That doesn’t sound appropriate, but was even more inappropriate were the dean’s and parents’ reaction. When the OP showed the messages to the dean, he didn’t take action, and his parents didn’t even understand why such behavior would creep out their son because he should be flattered by this girl’s admiration.
But there was a bit of a change in the situation a few weeks ago. The creepy girl came to the OP bringing him a box of cupcakes. It was during his lunch break, but he was sure that the girl was supposed to be in a physics lesson at that time as one of his friends went to it with her.
The OP tried not to accept the cupcakes but then thought that resisting was pointless, so he took the box and as she stepped back to leave, he cussed at her and called her creepy. Then he shook out the cupcakes into a trash can and threw away the box as well.
His reaction made the stalker cry, but she didn’t do anything more. The OP’s friends didn’t take it too seriously, except for one of them who texted him later saying that his actions were cruel and unprovoked.
People in the comments didn’t think so, because the girl had been stalking the OP and sexually harassing him for a prolonged period of time, so if the school doesn’t want to be involved, he should go to the police. Even if they don’t do anything, at least there will be a record of the girl’s behavior and will help to show a pattern in the future.
Image credits: Horosho.Gromko. (not the actual photo)
Also, people believed that if the roles were reversed, everyone would have a completely different reaction and this just shows how ignored male sexual harassment is. Of course, it doesn’t compare to the amount that women are subjected to, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen or that these men don’t matter.
According to the National Sexual Violence Center, 43 percent of men reported that in their lifetime they had experienced some form of sexual harassment. 34 percent of the time it’s verbal and 22 percent of it happens online, as was the case for the high schooler in this story. Also, the second most common place where the sexual harassment occurs is at school.
Chatham House says that the reason behind that is “under-reporting, the prioritization of women and girls, and international policy frameworks, stemming from the United Nations, that structurally discriminate against male survivors of sexual violence.”
Centre For African Justice adds, “the issue is often ignored in our society today. This is because most people do not believe that men can be assaulted due to the societal perception of power, stereotypes and masculinity and they forget that sexual assault can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, sexual orientation and gender identity.”
This is important because the effects and the emotions that men feel are the same as those other sexual harassment victims experience. Such trauma can lead to depression, lack of trust, inferiority complex, sense of blame or shame, withdrawal from relationships and friendships, it can make the victim become a perpetrator or display violence against others.
The consequences for younger people can be even more detrimental, so the lack of action from the OP’s school or parents is truly frustrating. At least he received support online and maybe it encouraged the high schooler to try reporting the girl again now that he knows he did nothing wrong.
Redditors thought that on the contrary, the high schooler underreacted and should go straight to the police with all the evidence
If the genders were switched, would so many people just shrug it off? Glad he got supportive comments.
Actually yes it would have been shrugged off if it was reversed. "Just a crush" is regularly used to minimise abnormal behaviour instead of dealing with it.
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I am concerned about what may have been in the cupcakes. As important the girl is not acting to normal social cues. She is ignoring his coldness and rejection of her gift by pushing the gift at him and doesn't seem to understand that this is not acceptable behaviour. Does she have no friends or social circles that can guide or support her? At 18 she may be very immature for her age but not without hope if she gets help now. I don't know if she has done enough for criminal charges but surely a restraining order or police interview could help scare her straight a little, along with mandatory therapy and counselling. Crushes can be overwhelming for teenage hormones but that doesn't excuse stalking behaviour and sexual harassment, she really needs help and a wake up call if it's not too late.
You're exactly right. So many of her actions have been deluded at best, and then to just scamper off refusing to listen, when he has told her in person that she needs to stop what she's doing, seems like the behaviors of a very young child. It's hard to know what is going on with her but some mental health care seems like it could be beneficial to her. It seems like a scary situation for him. I'd never make light of issues like this with my children, that's horrible.
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Honestly, good on this guy for throwing the cupcakes away. I'm willing to bet she drugged or put bodily fluids in those things.
She's definitely a stalker This is truly terrifying What if they were poisoned and she was delusional in some Romeo and Juliet thing? ( I know that they were younger) it does happen. It just is usually is m on f.violence. I can tell you from my experience with many children and raising seven sons and daughters, when a young woman goes out like that, they usually try the whole drama program. They don't have any off switch. But boys can be very emotional and strange at that age as well. Teenagers tend to see their current life as all they'll have. That it doesn't ever get better or change. But if anyone is out there and needs encouragement, those years while intense, and sometimes EXTREMELY painful and hard, do pass. And then, you can be your own person. And you don't have to go down those hallways anymore unless you choose. And college is a while different cookie or so I'm told. Never attended myself. Taught a little, when computers were new.
No means no. You said No and she kept it up anyway. If someone doesn't get the f*****g hint then at that point nothing you do short of violence is being an a*****e. And if she got violent you have every right to defend yourself.
He should continue to do everything that makes himself feel safe. Why should he have to accept this behaviour ?
Everyone on here needs to research the term LIMERENCE! It causes brain chemistry to get all messed up, basically causing a dopamine effect like heroin. Very few healthcare professionals know about it or how to treat it. It's not in the DSM... YET! There's no cut and dry cure. She definitely needs help, and the OP needs protection. Document everything!!!
Go to the police, NOW! And NEVER accept food (or anything else, for that matter) from a stalker. People have been poisoned with everything from laxatives to strychnine.
My husband had a stalker who had some mental issues too. I guess once he listened to some of her problems and she found him really empathetic. So she then started calling him at random times and would send him creepy messages. She tried to gift him a guitar too. He declined and told her it was inappropriate. She knew he was married and he tried several times to let her down gently but she just wouldn't get the hint. He didn't want to be too harsh with her because of her mental state and fearing she might attempt suicide. He tried telling her that she should get some help and gave her contacts of a couple of therapists but I don't think she ever went. I think she was very lonely, depressed and had no support system. While I did feel for her issues but she was bothering my husband a lot. He was so tensed and frustrated. His colleagues made fun of him- typical thinking that he was supposed to like the attention
Finally I had to intervene and speak with her (as if I was a cave woman asserting my dominance) and tell her that this was not ok. After that she didn't contact him. I was worried if she will do something to herself. But I just didn't have a choice. It's weird that I had to step in and she would not take no for an answer from my husband. I wonder if his colleagues would have laughed it off if it was woman being harassed. Double standards. Good thing is she is alive and hopefully getting the help she needs.
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Was she developmentally delayed or severe autistic? Either way someone should tell her parents or guardians about this. She could escalate even more with someone else. Female stalkers kill too
Yeah, NTA. That girl was acting inappropriately. The adults failed this guy.
I had a stalker when I was 15. When my parents found out the phoned the police straight away and stopped it. Thank god. Go to a trusted adult like a councillor or a teacher. I cannot believe your parents are so dismissive of what is going on.
She has ignored him when it comes to conversations about her behavior towards him. He has repeatedly told her to leave him alone. He should file a police report and show them the evidence of her behavior towards him and request a restraining order. She needs mental help. And shame on the Dean and his parents for ignoring the issue/problem. She could be a potential danger to the student and other students at the school.
I'm not sure switching the genders would make any difference. I've told lots of people stories about guys being creepy (only one time things though, nothing to this extent) and been told that he was just flirting and I was the one being mean.
The only thing he did wrong is waist beautiful cupcakes, but he should have them check with the police. She could have spiked them
Op needs to contact the cops, let them know what has happened along with online evidence and also dump the dean in it... sexual harassment and borderline stalking is not ok - doesn't matter who the perpetrator or victim are. As for the girl... I think she has something going on also well, her behavior is not what I'd call balanced
If this were reverse and it was a male stalking a female, everyone would be upset and concerned. So the same applies to this guy. He told her to stop, she didn't so he reacted aggressively. NTA.
I get the being fed up with her part but at the same time you didn't have to make a show of it either just take it and leave it at that lunch table. if someone seems unhinge why would you want to trigger that person this is how school shooters get the idea to hurt people all I'm saying is this could have been handled differently.
Is she autistic? Could she not be getting the clues. If this is the case then you are the a*****e. If not and she is normal. Then she needs help.
PLEASE BP, STOP POSTING SO MANY AITA THREADS. Is this the filler you use when you don't have enough cute / humorous / interesting articles to post? There are close to 8 BILLION people in the world. There will always be a never ending sea of drama situations between people. It doesn't mean they are entertaining or important to people outside of the situation.
She's got a bad crush. You found out. She's stalking an making collages of you guys as a couple. A little harsh w the cupcakes. Should have waited for her to leave then throw away. But also go to someone higher than that dean. BOA? Or police. Report it. What if she gets into your room? What if she tries to ruffie you? She needs a taking to. Also you could find her parents online an calmly explain she had an unhealthy mental issue with you as the subject and would like them to intervene before you go to the police for a non contact order.
Welcome to the real world, kid. Men are never taken seriously when they complain about stalking and abuse.
Neither are women. The amount of women killed by their stalkers because they weren't taken seriously is crazy. This isn't a battle between genders, everyone should be taken seriously when it comes to stalking.
Load More Replies... If the genders were switched, would so many people just shrug it off? Glad he got supportive comments.
Actually yes it would have been shrugged off if it was reversed. "Just a crush" is regularly used to minimise abnormal behaviour instead of dealing with it.
Load More Replies... I am concerned about what may have been in the cupcakes. As important the girl is not acting to normal social cues. She is ignoring his coldness and rejection of her gift by pushing the gift at him and doesn't seem to understand that this is not acceptable behaviour. Does she have no friends or social circles that can guide or support her? At 18 she may be very immature for her age but not without hope if she gets help now. I don't know if she has done enough for criminal charges but surely a restraining order or police interview could help scare her straight a little, along with mandatory therapy and counselling. Crushes can be overwhelming for teenage hormones but that doesn't excuse stalking behaviour and sexual harassment, she really needs help and a wake up call if it's not too late.
You're exactly right. So many of her actions have been deluded at best, and then to just scamper off refusing to listen, when he has told her in person that she needs to stop what she's doing, seems like the behaviors of a very young child. It's hard to know what is going on with her but some mental health care seems like it could be beneficial to her. It seems like a scary situation for him. I'd never make light of issues like this with my children, that's horrible.
Load More Replies... Honestly, good on this guy for throwing the cupcakes away. I'm willing to bet she drugged or put bodily fluids in those things.
She's definitely a stalker This is truly terrifying What if they were poisoned and she was delusional in some Romeo and Juliet thing? ( I know that they were younger) it does happen. It just is usually is m on f.violence. I can tell you from my experience with many children and raising seven sons and daughters, when a young woman goes out like that, they usually try the whole drama program. They don't have any off switch. But boys can be very emotional and strange at that age as well. Teenagers tend to see their current life as all they'll have. That it doesn't ever get better or change. But if anyone is out there and needs encouragement, those years while intense, and sometimes EXTREMELY painful and hard, do pass. And then, you can be your own person. And you don't have to go down those hallways anymore unless you choose. And college is a while different cookie or so I'm told. Never attended myself. Taught a little, when computers were new.
No means no. You said No and she kept it up anyway. If someone doesn't get the f*****g hint then at that point nothing you do short of violence is being an a*****e. And if she got violent you have every right to defend yourself.
He should continue to do everything that makes himself feel safe. Why should he have to accept this behaviour ?
Everyone on here needs to research the term LIMERENCE! It causes brain chemistry to get all messed up, basically causing a dopamine effect like heroin. Very few healthcare professionals know about it or how to treat it. It's not in the DSM... YET! There's no cut and dry cure. She definitely needs help, and the OP needs protection. Document everything!!!
Go to the police, NOW! And NEVER accept food (or anything else, for that matter) from a stalker. People have been poisoned with everything from laxatives to strychnine.
My husband had a stalker who had some mental issues too. I guess once he listened to some of her problems and she found him really empathetic. So she then started calling him at random times and would send him creepy messages. She tried to gift him a guitar too. He declined and told her it was inappropriate. She knew he was married and he tried several times to let her down gently but she just wouldn't get the hint. He didn't want to be too harsh with her because of her mental state and fearing she might attempt suicide. He tried telling her that she should get some help and gave her contacts of a couple of therapists but I don't think she ever went. I think she was very lonely, depressed and had no support system. While I did feel for her issues but she was bothering my husband a lot. He was so tensed and frustrated. His colleagues made fun of him- typical thinking that he was supposed to like the attention
Finally I had to intervene and speak with her (as if I was a cave woman asserting my dominance) and tell her that this was not ok. After that she didn't contact him. I was worried if she will do something to herself. But I just didn't have a choice. It's weird that I had to step in and she would not take no for an answer from my husband. I wonder if his colleagues would have laughed it off if it was woman being harassed. Double standards. Good thing is she is alive and hopefully getting the help she needs.
Load More Replies... Was she developmentally delayed or severe autistic? Either way someone should tell her parents or guardians about this. She could escalate even more with someone else. Female stalkers kill too
Yeah, NTA. That girl was acting inappropriately. The adults failed this guy.
I had a stalker when I was 15. When my parents found out the phoned the police straight away and stopped it. Thank god. Go to a trusted adult like a councillor or a teacher. I cannot believe your parents are so dismissive of what is going on.
She has ignored him when it comes to conversations about her behavior towards him. He has repeatedly told her to leave him alone. He should file a police report and show them the evidence of her behavior towards him and request a restraining order. She needs mental help. And shame on the Dean and his parents for ignoring the issue/problem. She could be a potential danger to the student and other students at the school.
I'm not sure switching the genders would make any difference. I've told lots of people stories about guys being creepy (only one time things though, nothing to this extent) and been told that he was just flirting and I was the one being mean.
The only thing he did wrong is waist beautiful cupcakes, but he should have them check with the police. She could have spiked them
Op needs to contact the cops, let them know what has happened along with online evidence and also dump the dean in it... sexual harassment and borderline stalking is not ok - doesn't matter who the perpetrator or victim are. As for the girl... I think she has something going on also well, her behavior is not what I'd call balanced
If this were reverse and it was a male stalking a female, everyone would be upset and concerned. So the same applies to this guy. He told her to stop, she didn't so he reacted aggressively. NTA.
I get the being fed up with her part but at the same time you didn't have to make a show of it either just take it and leave it at that lunch table. if someone seems unhinge why would you want to trigger that person this is how school shooters get the idea to hurt people all I'm saying is this could have been handled differently.
Is she autistic? Could she not be getting the clues. If this is the case then you are the a*****e. If not and she is normal. Then she needs help.
PLEASE BP, STOP POSTING SO MANY AITA THREADS. Is this the filler you use when you don't have enough cute / humorous / interesting articles to post? There are close to 8 BILLION people in the world. There will always be a never ending sea of drama situations between people. It doesn't mean they are entertaining or important to people outside of the situation.
She's got a bad crush. You found out. She's stalking an making collages of you guys as a couple. A little harsh w the cupcakes. Should have waited for her to leave then throw away. But also go to someone higher than that dean. BOA? Or police. Report it. What if she gets into your room? What if she tries to ruffie you? She needs a taking to. Also you could find her parents online an calmly explain she had an unhealthy mental issue with you as the subject and would like them to intervene before you go to the police for a non contact order.
Welcome to the real world, kid. Men are never taken seriously when they complain about stalking and abuse.
Neither are women. The amount of women killed by their stalkers because they weren't taken seriously is crazy. This isn't a battle between genders, everyone should be taken seriously when it comes to stalking.
Load More Replies...
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