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Son’s GF Keeps Saying “No Ring, No Wife Duties” After Every Dinner, Mom Doesn’t Want Her At House
It’s been said that manners maketh the man. After all, it’s a fact that society would be a lot less than civil if it lacked politeness and etiquette. What’s more, proper manners are essential to making a good first impression, especially when you’re meeting your romantic partner’s family.
One woman is understandably miffed because her son’s girlfriend refuses to help tidy up after dinner. What’s more, the entitled twenty-something even dictates what she wants to eat when she comes over. The annoyed mom went online to vent.
More info: Reddit
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We’d be nowhere without manners, but this woman’s son’s girlfriend thinks they’re reserved for wife life
Image credits: Vera Arsic / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Ever since the son brought her over, she’s refused to help tidy up after dinner
Image credits: August de Richelieu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
What’s more, she has no shame when it comes to dictating which meals should be cooked when she comes over
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Frustrated, the woman says she’s thinking of banning the girlfriend from family dinners
Image credits: TopSherbet9466
At her wits’ end, the mom turned to the web to ask if she would be a jerk to follow through on her ungrateful girlfriend ban plan
OP begins her post by telling the community that her 22-year-old son has been bringing his girlfriend over for a little over a month. For the first meeting, she whipped up a feast, expecting things to be quite formal, but the girlfriend arrived late without a word of apology.
To make matters worse, she didn’t pitch in to tidy up, something OP let slide because it was her first time over. OP goes on to say that, for dessert, she likes to bake cupcakes then invite the family to get together to frost them, but that the girlfriend let her know that she really wasn’t interested in joining in.
OP complains that the girlfriend has basically been at the house daily and has no qualms asking her to prepare specific meals, all without a word of thanks. The mom’s younger son has gently called out the girlfriend’s behavior, but her response was an abrupt, “no ring, no wife duties”.
The frustrated mom finally had enough when the aloof girlfriend requested a specific meat pie for dinner. Now she’s considering banning the girlfriend from family dinners but worries that that might have a negative impact on her relationship with her son. She turned to Reddit to vent.
If you’ve ever had to deal with an entitled person, you’ll know how exasperating they can be. On top of that, the girlfriend doesn’t appear to have the slightest grasp of basic manners and etiquette. But where did these cultural codes of conduct originate?
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to The English Manner, every society and culture possesses its own form of etiquette, which has changed over time.
The history of the etiquette we use these days typically derives from the 1643 court of Louis XIV of France.
A fan of parties but not his guests’ raucous behavior, Louis got so annoyed with people trampling over his richly manicured lawns and flower beds that he installed signs advising guests to ‘Abstain from walking on the grass’.
When this failed to have the desired effect, he announced an official decree that nobody could go beyond the signs. In time, the name etiquette was given to a ticket for court functions which detailed rules concerning where to stand and what to occupy yourself with, which was the origin of what we know as ‘etiquette’ today.
HistoryFacts details 6 surprising etiquette rules from the past. A few of these include women always having to defer to their husbands, the fact that there should be at least one servant for every two dinner guests, and the rule that a man couldn’t speak to a woman unless she spoke to him first.
According to the Grunge website, two of history’s weirdest etiquette rules include Victorian women only being allowed to gift hand-made items and, in the days when switchboards were still a thing, always smiling when you used the telephone.
Perhaps it’s time OP challenges the girlfriend on her own “wife life” rule. What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she needs to lay down the law, or stick to her ban plan? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers slammed the ungrateful girlfriend for her audacity and lack of manners and assured the mom that she definitely wasn’t being the jerk in the situation
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What do you think ?
Surly Scot 1 year ago
"This is what's for dinner, don't like it? Leave. Also since I cooked, ya'll get to clear the table and wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. EVERYONE included, or, again, you can GTFO and not come back". The GF is an entitled A-hole with no respect for others or common decency. I suspect even when she 'gets a ring on it' she's going to have the same mentality and expect everyone to treat her like the Queen of Sheba. Son needs to dump her and find a proper lady.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
If she marries the son, she might pull out another excuse to mooch.
Load More Replies...
Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
Having surfing quite extensively in Asian online communities, I can say GF's attitude is very much the standard among women. But I think cultural context is needed here: in many Asian family, particularly in Chinese families, DIL are expected to serve their PIL and extended family with deference and with life--like being the maid, the servant, the babysitter, the caregiver, the cleaner, whatever things her family (not just her family with husband and kids but his family now is her family) needs she provides. Without pay and with very little acknowledgement and much criticism. In short, she is expected to be taken advantage of and being taken for granted. So because this is the expectation, many women, particularly young, educated women, want to put a stop to it. They want to show from the start that they are not to be taken for granted and you can't boss me around. They are afraid if they give an inch now, as a GF, they would be asked to do more as a wife (1)...
Sarah Matsoukis 1 year ago
Tell her it's not wife duties but basic decency which is a requirement to be considered to ever become a spouse
Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
(2)...Their stance is while in a relationship and I am a guest in your family, I am not going to do things that is expected of a family. Particularly when married couples don't have the means to move out. They have to live with PIL (as Op has stated). This makes women even more afraid to be tangled up with a "bad" family. Obviously Op isn't like that, but how would GF know? Since so many PIL before marriage will say things along the line, "We are going to treat you like our own" and put DILs in lifelong indentured servitude once women tied the knot. Divorcing is too big of a risk for women to take; it's easier to be a b*tch right from the start and be like, "come at me and I'll cut you" then to be crying and regretting and asking "How do I get out/survive with this married life?" In a way, the social norm put young women in a position where they have to assume all potential PIL are bad and they need to do everything to put their own interest above others (even if that means being a B).
nm (he/him) 1 year ago
It seems that we have here Asian men or MIL, who don't like what Yu Pan says and downvote her.
Load More Replies...
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
"No ring, no wife duties" 😂😂🤣 Two can play that game: "Honey: no ring, no DIL rights. If you want to eat you either help like family or pay like a guest in a restaurant"
michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c 1 year ago
OP'S son needs to 1. Apologize to his mother for bringing this narcissistic, entitled b***h to the dinner table. 2. Have a "Come to Jesus" talk with the b***h about her behavior towards his family, either start acting like a decent human being or hit the bricks. This entitled b***h will only get worse once "she gets a ring on it". Hugh RED FLAG, RUN Forest, run!
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
NTA, This is not a hotel or a restaurant. She sounds like an entitled, ungrateful, rude,spoiled brat. Here's what I would have done. The 1st time I would've asked for her help after the meal. The 2nd time if she made those comments, I would have called her out on her rudeness and that it's unacceptable. Don't ask for an apology she should give one automatically if she had common sense or manners and go contribute. If she doesn't, tell her to leave and not come back. Then tell your son she's not welcome back. Ban this spoiled brat from your house. If she can't behave properly, she's not welcome. Obviously she's not going to act like family anyway, so she isn't welcome to be part of the family. End of discussion.
Philly Bob 1 year ago (edited)
No ring, no duties? How about no duties, no food. Go home and make your own, bish! I ain't runnin' no restaraunt here!
Featherking 1 year ago
So… You don’t have to show common decency or have any manners until you’re married? Yeah, no. That twat needs to shape up in a hurry. How about “no manners, no ring”?
Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
(3) to be sure, GF in this post is rude and taking things to the extreme, but her attitude "No ring no wife duties" is not far from mainstream mindset among women.
Libstak 1 year ago
She is not being expected to act as a wife, she is being cooked for by another woman in that woman's house and is being expected to not treat the woman as her personal server by helping out. This girl is a spoilt biatch and I would serve her porridge or cereal and milk because she has shown no respect for my cooking efforts.
Load More Replies...
Willie D'Kay 10 months ago
If she wants to treat it like eating at a restaurant and not actually being invited to act like part of the family while eating a family meal then Mom should start presenting a bill. And even though Singapore isn't a tipping culture, I would tack on a service fee of some sort on top lol.
Inglourioustmnt 1 year ago
Id hate to go over to my gfs house and have the parents expect me to help out with dinner. Sounds like such a hassle. I can feed myself. Also i dont eat dessert so i would be in the same position. Requesting specific meals is a bit much tho.
Roberta Surprenant 1 year ago
No ring no wife duties is what she says to son in the bedroom, but what stops her from basic guest duties?
Melissa Harris 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah The OPs response should have been, "I don't want to sleep with you dear. I want you to scrub the dishes."🤣
Load More Replies... 
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
That's a bridezilla warning right there. NFI where she learned that behaviour but she needs to unlearn it. Mom can ban her until she starts contributing instead of being an absolute Sheba (thanks Surly Scot)
Steïcy Gya 1 year ago
Why does she feel that she is entitled to everything OP's family does for her but not willing to move a little finger to show that she cares for the family or the son? It does not take a ring to learn manners. I wonder how she behaves in her home or family home. Does she ask for rings to her parents? Or maybe a proof that she is included in the family will? She sounds like trouble for your son in the future. I just hope that she is just trying to use lame excuses to cover her lazy *ss/incompetence and is not one of these toxic human being who will make your son's life a living hell.
Craig Reynolds 6 months ago
Those are not wife duties, they are common courtesy guest expectations. If "no ring = no wife duties", then (no guest courtesy = no guest invite). Remind her that because she is only a GF, she is not entitled to family privileges and revoke them. I would also remind her that "no wife duties = no husband duties." The father should say, "If you can't show you are at least guest qualified, then you will never be ring qualified".
Lena Flising 7 months ago
Why would that be ”wife duties”? They are life skills, and ”no life, no food”. If she stays in the room (I guess it’s bf’s bedroom) while the rest of the family is doing fun stuff together, she can stay there for meals too, until she learns to behave. The other gif and bf joins in, in both fun and chores, and they have no rings either. What makes her so ”speshul”?
Laureli Christensen 1 year ago
No ring? Why are you eating here? My son doesn't love you or he would give you a ring. Get lost.
zububonsai 1 year ago (edited)
Um, what? A 30-gap between mother and son is not soooo unusual, IMHO: "My(52) son (22)..." written from the mother means the mother is 52, her son is is 22.
Load More Replies...
Angela Davies 1 year ago
No requests for dinner it is what YOU choose to cook tell your son then his GF this is not a resteraunt and everyone else pulls their weight. Son may really like her BUT she is an entitled woman and the sooner he sees this the better for him, he will soon find out her true nature.
Surly Scot 1 year ago
"This is what's for dinner, don't like it? Leave. Also since I cooked, ya'll get to clear the table and wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. EVERYONE included, or, again, you can GTFO and not come back". The GF is an entitled A-hole with no respect for others or common decency. I suspect even when she 'gets a ring on it' she's going to have the same mentality and expect everyone to treat her like the Queen of Sheba. Son needs to dump her and find a proper lady.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
If she marries the son, she might pull out another excuse to mooch.
Load More Replies... Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
Having surfing quite extensively in Asian online communities, I can say GF's attitude is very much the standard among women. But I think cultural context is needed here: in many Asian family, particularly in Chinese families, DIL are expected to serve their PIL and extended family with deference and with life--like being the maid, the servant, the babysitter, the caregiver, the cleaner, whatever things her family (not just her family with husband and kids but his family now is her family) needs she provides. Without pay and with very little acknowledgement and much criticism. In short, she is expected to be taken advantage of and being taken for granted. So because this is the expectation, many women, particularly young, educated women, want to put a stop to it. They want to show from the start that they are not to be taken for granted and you can't boss me around. They are afraid if they give an inch now, as a GF, they would be asked to do more as a wife (1)...
Sarah Matsoukis 1 year ago
Tell her it's not wife duties but basic decency which is a requirement to be considered to ever become a spouse
Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
(2)...Their stance is while in a relationship and I am a guest in your family, I am not going to do things that is expected of a family. Particularly when married couples don't have the means to move out. They have to live with PIL (as Op has stated). This makes women even more afraid to be tangled up with a "bad" family. Obviously Op isn't like that, but how would GF know? Since so many PIL before marriage will say things along the line, "We are going to treat you like our own" and put DILs in lifelong indentured servitude once women tied the knot. Divorcing is too big of a risk for women to take; it's easier to be a b*tch right from the start and be like, "come at me and I'll cut you" then to be crying and regretting and asking "How do I get out/survive with this married life?" In a way, the social norm put young women in a position where they have to assume all potential PIL are bad and they need to do everything to put their own interest above others (even if that means being a B).
nm (he/him) 1 year ago
It seems that we have here Asian men or MIL, who don't like what Yu Pan says and downvote her.
Load More Replies... Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
"No ring, no wife duties" 😂😂🤣 Two can play that game: "Honey: no ring, no DIL rights. If you want to eat you either help like family or pay like a guest in a restaurant"
michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c 1 year ago
OP'S son needs to 1. Apologize to his mother for bringing this narcissistic, entitled b***h to the dinner table. 2. Have a "Come to Jesus" talk with the b***h about her behavior towards his family, either start acting like a decent human being or hit the bricks. This entitled b***h will only get worse once "she gets a ring on it". Hugh RED FLAG, RUN Forest, run!
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
NTA, This is not a hotel or a restaurant. She sounds like an entitled, ungrateful, rude,spoiled brat. Here's what I would have done. The 1st time I would've asked for her help after the meal. The 2nd time if she made those comments, I would have called her out on her rudeness and that it's unacceptable. Don't ask for an apology she should give one automatically if she had common sense or manners and go contribute. If she doesn't, tell her to leave and not come back. Then tell your son she's not welcome back. Ban this spoiled brat from your house. If she can't behave properly, she's not welcome. Obviously she's not going to act like family anyway, so she isn't welcome to be part of the family. End of discussion.
Philly Bob 1 year ago (edited)
No ring, no duties? How about no duties, no food. Go home and make your own, bish! I ain't runnin' no restaraunt here!
Featherking 1 year ago
So… You don’t have to show common decency or have any manners until you’re married? Yeah, no. That twat needs to shape up in a hurry. How about “no manners, no ring”?
Yu Pan 1 year ago (edited)
(3) to be sure, GF in this post is rude and taking things to the extreme, but her attitude "No ring no wife duties" is not far from mainstream mindset among women.
Libstak 1 year ago
She is not being expected to act as a wife, she is being cooked for by another woman in that woman's house and is being expected to not treat the woman as her personal server by helping out. This girl is a spoilt biatch and I would serve her porridge or cereal and milk because she has shown no respect for my cooking efforts.
Load More Replies... Willie D'Kay 10 months ago
If she wants to treat it like eating at a restaurant and not actually being invited to act like part of the family while eating a family meal then Mom should start presenting a bill. And even though Singapore isn't a tipping culture, I would tack on a service fee of some sort on top lol.
Inglourioustmnt 1 year ago
Id hate to go over to my gfs house and have the parents expect me to help out with dinner. Sounds like such a hassle. I can feed myself. Also i dont eat dessert so i would be in the same position. Requesting specific meals is a bit much tho.
Roberta Surprenant 1 year ago
No ring no wife duties is what she says to son in the bedroom, but what stops her from basic guest duties?
Melissa Harris 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah The OPs response should have been, "I don't want to sleep with you dear. I want you to scrub the dishes."🤣
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
That's a bridezilla warning right there. NFI where she learned that behaviour but she needs to unlearn it. Mom can ban her until she starts contributing instead of being an absolute Sheba (thanks Surly Scot)
Steïcy Gya 1 year ago
Why does she feel that she is entitled to everything OP's family does for her but not willing to move a little finger to show that she cares for the family or the son? It does not take a ring to learn manners. I wonder how she behaves in her home or family home. Does she ask for rings to her parents? Or maybe a proof that she is included in the family will? She sounds like trouble for your son in the future. I just hope that she is just trying to use lame excuses to cover her lazy *ss/incompetence and is not one of these toxic human being who will make your son's life a living hell.
Craig Reynolds 6 months ago
Those are not wife duties, they are common courtesy guest expectations. If "no ring = no wife duties", then (no guest courtesy = no guest invite). Remind her that because she is only a GF, she is not entitled to family privileges and revoke them. I would also remind her that "no wife duties = no husband duties." The father should say, "If you can't show you are at least guest qualified, then you will never be ring qualified".
Lena Flising 7 months ago
Why would that be ”wife duties”? They are life skills, and ”no life, no food”. If she stays in the room (I guess it’s bf’s bedroom) while the rest of the family is doing fun stuff together, she can stay there for meals too, until she learns to behave. The other gif and bf joins in, in both fun and chores, and they have no rings either. What makes her so ”speshul”?
Laureli Christensen 1 year ago
No ring? Why are you eating here? My son doesn't love you or he would give you a ring. Get lost.
zububonsai 1 year ago (edited)
Um, what? A 30-gap between mother and son is not soooo unusual, IMHO: "My(52) son (22)..." written from the mother means the mother is 52, her son is is 22.
Load More Replies... Angela Davies 1 year ago
No requests for dinner it is what YOU choose to cook tell your son then his GF this is not a resteraunt and everyone else pulls their weight. Son may really like her BUT she is an entitled woman and the sooner he sees this the better for him, he will soon find out her true nature.
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