Dad In A Bind Between His Kid’s Boundaries And New Family’s Special Needs Kid Who’s Being Difficult To His Child
Being a good parent is actually not that easy – probably one of the most difficult things that a person has to deal with throughout their life. Much more difficult than becoming, for example, a good businessperson or a skilled employee at literally any job. After all, in parenting, the so-called ‘soft skills’ and just flair are often way more important than ‘hard skills’.
Yes, you constantly have to maneuver between different options, make difficult choices, and not only learn yourself, but also teach a little person what is right and wrong in this world. And all this despite the fact that sometimes you yourself are far from being sure whether what you are doing is actually right.
A similar problem was once encountered by user Normal-Plastic-7514, whose post in the AITA Reddit community, published just a few days ago, managed to gain over 10.8K upvotes and almost 1.4K different comments. And in the situation described, the father had to make a difficult choice between his own son’s boundaries and his neighbors’ special needs kid who was being difficult to his child.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has two sons, and they have a special Saturday walk ritual with the younger son
Image credits: Anete Lusina (not the actual image)
So, according to the author of the original post, he and his wife have two sons, twelve-year-old “James” and six-year-old “Sam”. In recent years, the Original Poster and his youngest son have developed a kind of ritual – every Saturday morning they walk around the neighborhood together, digging in the mud, looking for spiders, and end their walk in a local park, where parents from neighboring houses also gather to talk.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
Recently a new family moved in the next block over, a woman with two kids, and the author invited them to join other neighbors in the park on Saturday
Recently, as the OP says, a new family moved in on the next block over. The author of the post met the new neighbor on the street, and she said that she also has two sons, 13-year-old “Kyle” and 7-year-old “Aiden”. The OP, in his turn, told her about the meeting place for parents with children on Saturdays, and invited the woman to join them.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
As the OP recalls, when looking at Aiden, it was clear that he had special needs. Mom was friendly, sat down with the rest of the parents while the children played – and from time to time tried to calm the youngest son’s enthusiasm. No, Aiden was not aggressive, just excited, the original poster notes. “Loud noises, banging on things, getting up in the other kids’ faces,” the man reminisces.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
The younger boy had special needs and the author’s son sometimes felt uncomfortable playing with him as he was so loud and excited
The following Saturday, Aiden and his mom came again, but this time Sam told his dad quite loudly that he didn’t want to play with that boy and asked if they could go home. The OP and his son left, and the next day Aiden’s mom came to the OP’s door and told him that he should have talked to Sam about disabled people instead of just abandoning her son. The father promised that he would definitely do this.
Image credits: kegfire (not the actual image)
The next weekend, Sam and Aiden played together, but when the boy got loud again, Sam climbed onto the highest platform where Aiden could not reach, and did not respond to his calls to come down and play. Then the OP just invited the boy’s mom to come over. The man remembers that Aiden had one meltdown, but other than that, it went fine. However, when the guests left, Sam asked his dad if it was possible to make sure that they did not come again. James, in his turn, admitted that he did not really like Kyle either.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
After the boy broke the author’s son’s favorite toy, the author’s son yelled at him and the dad just took him away
The next weekend, when Aiden accidentally broke Sam’s favorite toy in the heat of a game, Sam broke down and yelled at him. As the original poster recalls, he didn’t say anything to his son this time – they just left the park. Moreover, now the father decided to make changes to their Saturday ritual and come to the park later, after Aiden and his mother had already left.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
The father and the son started avoiding that boy and so did some other parents later
The OP admits that other parents gradually followed him, and Aiden’s mom, realizing that it had all started with the author of the post, wrote him a long heartfelt letter, claiming that he did not do enough to ensure that Aiden was not ostracized by Sam, and that it was at the pull of the OP that the rest of the parents started avoiding them. In turn, the man admits that his children treat their neighbors with respect, but they just do not want to get their own boundaries violated.
Image credits: u/Normal-Plastic-7514
On the one hand, the dad did everything to protect his kids, on the other – he tried to teach them respect towards others, an expert thinks
“Of course, this is a very difficult situation. On the one hand, you can understand a father who puts his children at the forefront. On the other hand, children should, of course, understand and respect people with special needs as much as possible,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this story. “However, friendship cannot be forced on both sides. Apparently, the mother of these boys is trying to socialize her sons, but in this form it can cause inconvenience to both themselves and other kids.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
“The author of the post honestly admits that he is trying to teach his children to be tolerant to special needs kids’ behavior, although, of course, in the case of the youngest son, this is quite difficult as he’s still too young. In any case, the father behaves quite decently, trying to teach them respect, but without violating their own boundaries. I hope, however, that both of these families will be fine in the future,” says Irina Matveeva.
Most people in the comments massively support the author as well, claiming that he behaved as a decent father should
Many people in the comments also agree with the expert, writing that the original poster has behaved like a decent father in the current situation. “You’re doing the right thing in prioritizing your child and their enjoyment of that time you share together,” one of the commenters wrote. And also, according to people in the comments, the OP’s sons didn’t exactly do anything disrespectful.
By the way, one of the commenters shared that they are autistic and also faced problems in their childhood when their mother tried to literally “socialize them by force”. The person admits that their mother sometimes simply imposed their friendship on other children – but this brought nothing but mental discomfort to them, as well to the kids around. “You did what was best for your kids, they expressed their boundaries and you listened and catered to them,” people in the comments are praising the original poster.
Unfortunately, not all people today know how to properly build relationships with people who have special needs, and sometimes they don’t even quite get what this means at all. Suffice it to cite this post of ours about a woman who kept heavily criticizing her brother-in-law for not taking his autistic daughter to a theme park, as an example. In the meantime, we are looking forward to your own comments to this particular story.
This one is heartbreaking. And truly AITA in the spirit of the question (unlike most of these where it's clear someone is fishing for validation). While the answer is mostly clear (NTA for the record), it's also clear why it was asked and I truly hope OP and Aiden's mum are able to build a more communal relationship, without putting pressure on, let's not forget, *young* children.
I agree. I did wonder if the amount of time aiden is at the park with the other children could be limited. Since his mom seems to be willing to set limits and support her son. But maybe half an hour with the other kids would support Aiden and teach the kids inclusion and empathy without overwhelming them? Just a thought around compromise.
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My daughter has special needs and is incredibly difficult sometimes but I keep watch and remove her from the situation if needed and make sure she isn't pushing other children's boundaries. I do expect other people to be abit more tolerant but I don't expect to let my daughter walk all over them because she has different needs.
Seriously that is a good job from you and considerate to both sides. On op however i feel the op was pushing his son a little too hard. After 3 no's and not even wanting to walk by the house. Now that is showing a crisis. He was tolerant as he could be and tried to play and interact but it bothers him too much. Thier is no amount of explaining that can change his mind.
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a very inspiring exchange. i can take a lot of inspiration for myself to think in a new way and to be mindful of the needs of all involved, even though this is a really hard task. it is very nice to see how these parents listen to the needs of their sons and protect them. and how there is still empathy for the new neighbour and her kids. I would like to read a follow-up. and yes: NTA
Moms like her drive me nuts even though she's doing her best to be a good advocate. She's crossed into bullying. Working in the care industry I must say it is so frustrating when folks with relatives that have exuberant special needs think their person has more right to comfort and space than someone who is shy, anxious or has sensory processing issues. A kid with SPI is in pain being around a kid with verbal ticks, etc for example. Is the quiet kid mean for avoiding the autistic kid? No. It is hard but it just IS. She could use it as a learning experience for her kid to help him understand how the outside world works. Special Needs folks need accommodations to succeed which is not the same as trampling everyone else's needs.
Maybe she went through bad experiences before so she's more on edge now, it's a heartbreaking situation from her point of view, it is annoying but I don't blame her, it depends on where she takes it from here though, whether she takes it farther than this or think about it from the other person's perspective and be more understanding.
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Possible that Kyle is what's known as a "Glass child" not glass as in fragile etc.. but when being a sibling to a child with disabilities/illnesses some parents(and it seems this mother may be one) will focus so much on one child the other often feels invisible... or made of "glass". If he was always just put in front of a gaming console while mom was trying to socialize young Aiden, it's no wonder the older brother didn't learn social skills either.
I have some extended family with this issue. They have a now adult daughter with severe autism (she has the mentality of a toddler). Every single special occasion for her siblings or cousins always had to be made about her. It was so sad seeing that deflated look on their faces when their birthdays/Xmas were "ruined" by Kate wrecking new gifts of eating all their cake. Even her sister's wedding wasn't safe. Just a very sad situation all around.
Load More Replies... Is Aiden's mom not watching her child break other kid's toys? Like, is it not obvious to her why Sam would dislike him? He didn't "ostracize" Aiden. I'm sure it's difficult for her, but putting the blame on OP isn't the answer.
Exactly. Having special needs doesn't mean you get to ignore and steam roll over other people and their rights and boundaries. He still needs to be taught how to behave in society.
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The moms TA if you ask me. I have a child with autism. Sometimes kids don’t want to play with him and that’s okay. I call him over and tell him to leave those kids alone now, how entitled do you have to be to think other kids have to put up with yours? Special needs or not.
My daughter used to play with a little girl who clearly had emotional/developmental issues which were yet to be diagnosed. Both girls were the same age (6) and I got on really well with the little girls mum. However when the little girl started to physically and mentally harm my daughter (tried to close her head in a car door, scratched her once so hard and aggressively my daughters face and arm were bleeding and would whisper mean things into her ear when she thought we couldn't see her) I decided enough was enough and I severed ties with the little girl and her mum. I'm actually angry at myself that I subjected my daughter to a very unpredictable and aggressive child regardless of her age.
You're the first comment I've come across that has actually acknowledged their mistake and has (finally?) stood up for their own child when it was necessary. Being disabled Is no excuse to be an ahole to everyone else, no matter how severe it is and no matter how tolerant every else tries to be. It is no one's but the parents responsibility for their own kid. I hope your child is okay now and it didn't traumatize her to a point. I feel for ANY child that doesn't know better, but all children can be taught boundaries and manners to function in society. And if not, then it is parents obligation and responsibility to keep their kid from hurting others while also protecting their own kid. Disabled or not, your kids hitting or hurting others, you're gonna have some very unhappy parents and then no one will want to hang with you.
Load More Replies... special needs does not mean you are free to be as big a jerk as you want with no consequences.
I am an ND mom of 2 ND boys and while I get the mom's concerns, I would not ever DREAM to try to force my kids onto others, much less try to force friendships. That is not fair to the other kids, whose boundaries are being violated. That is not fair to mine who are only tolerated instead of truly accepted and therefore get the message that all they ever deserve is to be tolerated and no more, PLUS it does little to help my children to learn social norms and boundaries. And, it is not fair to the other kids parents to have them feel that they have little choice but to either be supportive parents to their kids or societal a******s when they are not. Yes, kids like this lady's and like mine need to be socialized, perhaps more so than most, while still balancing out their own autonomies and needs, which can be one of the biggest emotional dysregulation triggers for the ND community overall. But, just because our OWN needs are different, it does not mean only our side matters. Both do.
NTA doesn't matter special needs or not if the kid is rude and the others don't want to play with him they don't have to, just because they are special needs doesn't earn them special treatment. You want them treated equal then teach them to act like a decent person. You want others to act normal around them. Don't get upset about stuff like this doesn't matter if your special needs or not. They are kids, Sam sees Aiden as a jerk so he doesn't wanna play with him. It's not about special needs no one wants to play with a jerk doesn't mean shxt he's special needs to a kid
Right. The OP's child is feing bullied and victimized, it doesn't matter why. Being special needs doesn't give you the right to bully.
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Just because a child like that has special needs doesn't mean the parents can't reach the child to control or have manners. If they notice the child is revving up to act out it's up to them to reign the child in an hope they learn some social skills. It doesn't happen overnight and this child seems to have a self centered it's ok to do what I want. Meaning the parents excuse his behavior as part of his special needs. Instead of the safety of other children. Flailing arms. Breaking toys. It's told right there. That child gets attention. And not taught how to control the issues. You did right by your kids. Politeness and then taking them out of uncomfortable situations where they could be injured. A 6 year old playing with an aggressive 7 year old is a parent taking the safety of their child seriously. And moving your outings to a better time is your prerogative. No explanation needed. And if so just say that your day is your day. The mom will learn she has to step up. .
Same thing happened with my kid and new girl to their friends group. Despite several conversations with the mom about the kids behavior, it continued, so we didn't attend any groups that they'd be at. Then all the other parents did the same. We all got called AH, but pointed out that she did nothing to stop her kid's aggressive behavior.
I feel for aiden i really do however that being said op's children tried to get along, did not and don't want to continue. You can't keep torturing your own child when they feel uncomfortable just because the other is special needs. It will end badly and frankly i agree with one of the responders in the post. It is just forcing abuse on the other child to continue to deal with something he is uncomfortable with.
I have a son with what used to be called Asperger's, now an adult. He hated large groups of any kind especially other kids . I could not take him shopping as he hated all the noise. Sure he had hurt feelings at times but he understood it was his feelings and not those around him. He grew up very smart but still dislikes a lot of noise and large groups unless it's family.
One of my boys could be very difficult, ESPECIALLY around other children. We quickly developed a hard rule for outings with him. No longer than an hour, and if he started to have problems with self regulation earlier than that we left. He can manage somewhat longer than that on outings he is interested in now, and does ok at school, but he seems to be a natural introvert and mostly chooses to stay home. As he is 14, 5'9 and built like a brick wall, there is no 'forcing' him to socialize!
Not a bad person, and you need to look out for your child's interests too. At that age, special needs / no special needs doesn't really pop into their mind as much as fun to play with / not fun to play with and you made efforts. The mother should also understand that you can't just be like "my child has special needs, you HAVE to be friends with him, he has special needs!" and that is how this story is making me feel about them. She should invite you over there, not the other way around if the issue is the child breaks things occasionally. Once a relationship has grown a little where it's not just "a kid breaking my toys I don't really know" then you can move on to going to others houses and if it happens, it happens and the children are probably a bit more tolerant of their friend at that point.
I would like to know what the mother of Aiden did to help guide her son into being a better boy around the other kids? Or is she like many people and EXPECTS everyone else to just accept her son's obnoxious behavior. That gate swings both ways. If your child can't control themselves and causes other children to avoid them then stop forcing your child on other kids that up until then were happy and playing well with others.
I do wonder if Aiden's parents have decided to just give up on teaching him how to interact with others because he's disabled and "won't understand". I've met a few people who think that because a person has mental disabilites, they have next to no capacity for learning, even though this isn't true. Might take longer, and it may need different techniques, but it most cases you can.
Here's the thing. You can't force friendship. If they were both on the same level cognitively and your child advised that they don't want to play with the other child, would you force them to anyway? I had neighbor kids that I tried to be friends with when I was younger, same age, same school, but we had no interests in common. Neither of our parents tried to force us to be friends anyway just because we lived across the street from each other. To be fair, our parents also didn't have anything in common other than living in the same neighborhood.
What you need to do is write to the new mom explaining that boundaries are as important as inclusion and that your son's boundaries have continued to be violated and therefore you are doing the right thing and prioritizing his needs. The issue is not that Aiden is special needs; it is that he is behaving in ways that are harmful to the other children and the other kids have a right to choose to not spend time with people who do that. You have done your best to socialize your children with hers but they simply did not get along. Your kids have the right to say they don't want to spend time with another person regardless of whether that person is the same as themselves or different, be it race, religion, disability, etc. If someone makes them uncomfortable to the point that they physically try to escape them, do not let that person into their home. That's the one big mistake you've already made and you are right to change your course of action to not make it again. Protect your boys.
Btw, this is coming from someone who is neurodivergent, has neurodivergent siblings, and is in a relationship with another neurodivergent person. Special needs isn't a blanket pass to impose yourself on other people when your behavior is harming them. Patience is absolutely essential to learning to get along with all sorts of physical types and neurotypes, and your sons are clearly patient, but tolerating abuse is never and should never be a requirement for making relationships function.
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My policy on these situations is this: if someone is probably going to get their feelings hurt no matter what you do, then pick the option that is best for you and your family. I this case either Sam will feel uncomfortable and like he isn't being backed by his parents, or Aiden will probably feel left out of the group (which also sucks). At this point there's no winning, so it's better to prioritize your own family. It's unfortunate, and like others have said, things might change when the kids get older. Or maybe not. I have a hard time as an adult being around people who are too loud too often, so I get why Sam might have trouble, especially being too young to really understand that Aiden can't always help it.
I really relate to this post I am autistic and I had no friends for the first 6 1/2 years of my life and very few after that and while I throw no shade at OP I have lasting trama of sorts from some of the things kids and even adults have done and said and the social isolation I experienced during covid literally almost killed me so I would say tread this area carefully because kids catch on more than you think and I can see Aiden in a therapy office years later talking about remembering all the kids at the park avoiding him. I have dozens of examples of downright cruel things people have done so just please OP make sure that your children don’t do or say anything that will leave lasting damage I would definitely respect your children’s boundaries but please please please teach them how important kindness can be because the kindness of certain people are some of my best memories. An example I have is in first grade a kid put a tack on my chair and someone warned me.
I have more to say but there are character limits so if you want to hear more about my own experience or any advice for dealing with neuro divergent people or your own neuro divergency please reply to my comment or to this reply
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"Oddball" kids used to be "socialized" by grown-ups pretty much ignoring the physically and emotionally rough-and-tumble chaos of the playground or streets of the neighborhood. Kids were told not to bully differently abled kids but some kids did anyway. It was pretty awful for anyone who didn't fit in for whatever reason. At least these days we're trying.
It’s easy to forget that will all the talk of accepting how different people with disabilities can be a lot for people who don’t have experience on it. They are different, and while that’s not a bad thing at all, not everyone can handle it. As long as they treat the people with respect and don’t talk down to/ostracize them intentionally because of their disability they don’t have to hang out with them. (Also what does NAH stand for, or are they just saying nah)
It means No ***holes Here. It's used for situations in which no one is at fault
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YNTA It was a nice relief to see all the Positive re: this special needs child placed in the middle of a play group. I appreciate how the comments were caring and considerate. I grew up with an older brother who had special needs after a brain injury when he was 2 & itcaused irreversible brain damage. We played together when we were little ( he is 2 yrs older) but I outgrew his mentality and became bored so I sought out kids my own age to play with and sort of left him behind . As a child he was sweet and kind but as we grew up he was basically tortured by kids at school who would call him names etc. He didn’t like school so my parents found him a good children’s home not far from us that would teach him life skills. I cannot imagine how it made him feel to be abandoned in a children’s home at age 9. I empathize with him. It never got easier because people are just cruel. He always worked as a bagger for extra money so he could afford an apartment of his own. He will be 70 next month .
You have to be kind to everyone, you don't have to like everyone though
I don't think you even have to be kind to everyone and teaching kids that is a disadvantage. There are situations such as harassment where being nasty is perfectly acceptable to make the other person leave you alone. You don't want to teach kids to be a doormat or put up with abusive behaviors ( or sexually creepy ones) because of pressures to be nice, which is something girls are disproportionately faced with ( as the OP noted).
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As a sister of the special needs child I totally understand the struggles with them being loud and scary to his kids NTA I'm glad you tried and were kind
I am the mother of a special needs child who is an adult now. I realized early on that she needed her own peer group and stopped trying to insert her into her sisters’ circles of friends. Everything changed for the better when she found her own group of friends. They understood each other, were very tolerant and helpful with each other. It was like things fell into place for her and life was suddenly fun and easier. She has an extraordinary large circle of special needs friends and has maintained them for 40+ years. Aiden’s mother should look for play groups and activities where Aiden can connect and be given the opportunity to make lifelong friends.
I am a parent of children with additional needs and I can definitely see both sides. I feel the dad did everything right. What I would of like to have read was words of appreciation from the mom, it was easy for her to request that conversations to be had for the father and son, but where she could of been proactive is when her son was getting loud with excitement she could of went over and said "You seem excited, I can tell by how loud your voice is. I think your voice might be hurting his ears, please take softly " if he is unable to read those socia cues then she should help him navigate. The goal is to endear people not to scare them away. In what I read the children were very good, bit they are also children and their feeling don't simply go away because another child with additional needs who they don't have a secure relationship with joins them. Teaching, supporting and encouraging needs to be on both sides till all feel comfortable and safe.
Long story short: no one is in the wrong, other than the mother trying to guilt trip you (solely), and no child's feelings should ever be invalidated, special needs or not, disabled or not. _________________________ I know Aiden probably doesn't know better, especially because his mom clearly fails to teach him boundaries and to monitor him so he's not distressing other kids, but being disabled isn't an excuse to be an a*****e to everyone else. Special needs or not, Aiden was a jerk and was bullying ops kids, idc what anyone says. He even broke the little ones toys and his mother never offered to replace them. Ops kids very clearly tried to play with him multiple times, but ultimately decided they don't like him enough to continue being friends. And there is nothing wrong with that, it's the same as if Aiden wasn't disabled. You can be an a*****e no matter what, you can be unlikable regardless of being disabled or not. ____________________________ Best wishes and Good luck to Aiden, and his overbearing self-victimizing mom. Hopefully she can teach him to behave a little better for his own safety and to save distress from other kids. Perhaps find other disabled children so they have more in common? Either way, it's no one else's responsibility other than the kids parents.
Your disabled child is your problem to deal with and not someone else's. People have tolerated the antics of her son but tolerance has a limit.
NTA I learned how to navigate special needs kids at about 6 myself. My friend's little sister was 5 and had Down Syndrome. She was very much like Aiden. My parents had told me to have patience with her and it's just my nature to be tolerant. I was coming home with bruises because Jackie's version of a hug was tackling you, getting your attention might be a slap, punch, slap on the butt or a hard poke. When my parents asked me about the bruises, I explained I was teaching Jackie "soft hands" and watched me coaching her about proper hugs. My parents were teachers, my father a Learning Disability/ Developmentally Handicapped teacher. Jackie's father was a football coach. In our parents discussion, my dad suggested that maybe she was emulating the football players and she was. Things got better, however my parents would have stopped the playdates if I had asked. Between my grandfather in a wheelchair, Jackie and another friend's brother with severe Autism, I never feared special needs kids
Would it be possible to make times for the dude walk more random? You may or may not see this other kid, and if your son sees him, plays for a bit and then says I am ready to go, then fine. Maybe just make sure your son isn't saying he's leaving due to Aiden, make a secret code or something. It might give everyone a chance to keep trying. Definitely NTA in any case, just trying to figure a way to stay open a little bit.
First time, I am feelign a real NAH. A child has the right to have boundaries and cannot be forced to play with other children but a special needs child needs friends and playmates, too, so I undersand why the adutls were pushign the issue. There are a lot of good suggestions in all the comments and I hope a solution will be found.
NTA Take it from me, you don't want to force a friendship on your child that they don't want, but teaching them to be respectful of the other child is great. I tried when my daughter was younger, to make her be friends with a friend of mine's children. She didn't like them at all, but I insisted. Later I found out that these children stole from my daughter, and the one her age was to wild, and to worldly for a 12 year old girl, and I apologized to my daughter, and I told her that the forced friendship was ended, and she was happy. I also paid a visit to my friend's ex wife, and demanded that my daughter's stolen property be given back, because some of it was very valuable money wise, and when she try to say that her children didn't take anything, and I actually saw all my daughter's stuff on their living room floor. I raised enough cane and got my daughter's stuff back, and I never forced a friendship on my daughter again.
Oh, wow, I'm heartbroken from reading this. This is an extremely difficult situation to be in for all parties involved. I'm a firm believer in not forcing my kids to do that which they don't want to do, so I understand OP's position, and I commend him for giving the little boy and his family multiple chances, rather just one complaint and calling it quits. I feel so bad for Aiden's mother, though. To be in that position, feeling ostracized because your child is "different" would make life difficult to navigate. I have a lot of respect for both sides, because they are all acting like adults and taking this seriously. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer to how to "fix it," it's just made me feel so bad.
It's good to include everyone in play and encourage kindness but ultimately our children must be our priority. After all that is why we are THEIR parents.
I've always found it difficult to judge people who are neurodivergent because of the differences in our understandings of societal expectations for behaviour. For example, a person with autism called one of our classmates fat behind their back. I told them not to say that and that it is rude. Another time, they kept writing the same classmate's name on the board, something that they explicitly told them not to on multiple occasions. The person with autism responded that it was funny. I'm not sure if they are a jerk or they just don't understand but I'm leaning towards the former because they kept doing it despite being told to stop.
While it's clear that the kids is a hard no, I hope OP goes out of his way to offer support for the mom. Perhaps trying to help her find groups, and get her connected into the community so she doesnt feel abandoned. Shes clearly doing her best with a difficult situation.
Oh this is an exceptional thread. Well thought out answers instead of the usual spouted c**p, a very different set of very difficult circumstances for all involved. I hope some good outcome was achieved for all so everyone felt good where they live 😊
OP is TA and he's teaching his son to be one, too. Consider how Aidan's feeling.
They did? They went several times trying to include him, and encourage his son to be friends with him. Are you trying to say that he should force his kid to be around someone they had tried to be aroubd several times, when it didnt work out well? His kid still has his own needs, and unfortunately Aidens behaviour steps on those.
Load More Replies... For one, ur not this child s parent. Unless u see abuse, you have no reason to involve them in ur routine. U just show ur kids there are others who are different and to be kind and leave it at that. U are also not responsible for other people's actions. They did the same u did and stay away. This is not the 1st time this has happened and the mother is taking it in you instead of getting therapy for her son. Show your children that sometimes things get broken, this can be fixed, and move on. You and your wife can offer support to this family if u choose to as a family however it becomes most toxic when u let other people when they get too much in ur life. Speaking by experience this never works in the long term. This mother has to get some professional help and ur not it. NTA
While sad for Aiden, Sam is also a kid who has feelings and you shouldn't force relationships if someone expresses discomfort/dislike for it. As soon as my child would've climbed
NTA & that mom assumes a lot about the other kids not being understanding. I'm not saying any of the others have special needs, but some get overwhelmed & overstimulated by loud noises & in-your-face dynamics, & that can send them into their own spiral. If the mother doesn't understand this, she doesn't have room to complain about anyone else.
NTA, as in NEVER. You are not responsible for the needs of some other parent's kid—special needs or not, your kid and his needs come first. It is wrong to force a child to accept others who are different or don't like being around. I hated that nonsense when I (62m) was growing up, and I still hate it now. Special needs kids tend to turn into obnoxious adults. Nothing worse than an obnoxious family member, neighbor, or coworker. He can talk to Sam and explain what the issue is, but it must remain Sam's decision with no judgment.
This is tough stuff! While I feel for the SN child and his mother I would not have forced my own child into a situation where he was unhappy and uncomfortable. The mom seems fine stating her kids needs, I think the father should do the same for his kids. Let the mom know you'll try again maybe the 1st Saturday of the month but when she sees the kids start to distance themselves she should realize that they are getting overwhelmed and it's time for her to step in. Maybe pull her son aside for a snack break, or take him home voluntarily. To expect kids to handle situations that even adults struggle with is too much
You are not the AITA. This mom wants to socialize. It's lonely being the parent of a kid who will never be "part of the group". but kids will find their way to happiness if the mom loves them, encourages their interests and finds her own friends but not parents from the neighborhood or school. My son is special needs and was tolerated and pitied as the genius, outspoken, really tall, odd ball. I took him to out of the way nature parks for collecting leaves, tadpoles, rocks etc. when no one was there and didn't allow him to go to classmates parties. As he got older he excelled in water polo and was liked and valued by his team. On group projects the other students begged to be in his group. I learned to be an outsider mom but my own friends and social life based on my interests. He understood he had limited friendships based on his interests and that it's ok because told him it was. By the way he's now a university senior on a four year academic scholarship in micro biology.
I find Laura's response triggered. Somehow mom is lack because of the older child? How about there is very very likely a genetic condition in place that caused the autism in the first place? That's the most common answer. There are lots of families in my own with several 'weird' kids but it's due to genetics. My 2 older kids both have unique needs (not really my 2 younger) due to genetics. I also have autism, as does my dad. I have thrown hundreds of thousands personal dollars into therapies but at the end? You can't change genetics. Nothing is lacking here.
I should clarify, you should start with kindness as your first response, then go from there, don't start by being a jerk
Why would you make a 6 year old sit and be uncomfortable and upset just for some other kid's feelings? F**k that
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No, you're absolutely disgusting. nobody is shunning aiden, get a f*****g grip🤣. Op's son doesn't want to be around aiden for may reasons, including aiden breaking his f*****g toy. Who would want to be around a kid like that, autistic or not? And why would you force your kid to hang out without them just bc "the mom is doing her best"and aiden is autistic??? So what? Kids have boundaries and we shouldn't force people on them just to make that person fell better. That is not what we want to teach our kids. Do better kathryn.
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This one is heartbreaking. And truly AITA in the spirit of the question (unlike most of these where it's clear someone is fishing for validation). While the answer is mostly clear (NTA for the record), it's also clear why it was asked and I truly hope OP and Aiden's mum are able to build a more communal relationship, without putting pressure on, let's not forget, *young* children.
I agree. I did wonder if the amount of time aiden is at the park with the other children could be limited. Since his mom seems to be willing to set limits and support her son. But maybe half an hour with the other kids would support Aiden and teach the kids inclusion and empathy without overwhelming them? Just a thought around compromise.
Load More Replies... My daughter has special needs and is incredibly difficult sometimes but I keep watch and remove her from the situation if needed and make sure she isn't pushing other children's boundaries. I do expect other people to be abit more tolerant but I don't expect to let my daughter walk all over them because she has different needs.
Seriously that is a good job from you and considerate to both sides. On op however i feel the op was pushing his son a little too hard. After 3 no's and not even wanting to walk by the house. Now that is showing a crisis. He was tolerant as he could be and tried to play and interact but it bothers him too much. Thier is no amount of explaining that can change his mind.
Load More Replies... a very inspiring exchange. i can take a lot of inspiration for myself to think in a new way and to be mindful of the needs of all involved, even though this is a really hard task. it is very nice to see how these parents listen to the needs of their sons and protect them. and how there is still empathy for the new neighbour and her kids. I would like to read a follow-up. and yes: NTA
Moms like her drive me nuts even though she's doing her best to be a good advocate. She's crossed into bullying. Working in the care industry I must say it is so frustrating when folks with relatives that have exuberant special needs think their person has more right to comfort and space than someone who is shy, anxious or has sensory processing issues. A kid with SPI is in pain being around a kid with verbal ticks, etc for example. Is the quiet kid mean for avoiding the autistic kid? No. It is hard but it just IS. She could use it as a learning experience for her kid to help him understand how the outside world works. Special Needs folks need accommodations to succeed which is not the same as trampling everyone else's needs.
Maybe she went through bad experiences before so she's more on edge now, it's a heartbreaking situation from her point of view, it is annoying but I don't blame her, it depends on where she takes it from here though, whether she takes it farther than this or think about it from the other person's perspective and be more understanding.
Load More Replies... Possible that Kyle is what's known as a "Glass child" not glass as in fragile etc.. but when being a sibling to a child with disabilities/illnesses some parents(and it seems this mother may be one) will focus so much on one child the other often feels invisible... or made of "glass". If he was always just put in front of a gaming console while mom was trying to socialize young Aiden, it's no wonder the older brother didn't learn social skills either.
I have some extended family with this issue. They have a now adult daughter with severe autism (she has the mentality of a toddler). Every single special occasion for her siblings or cousins always had to be made about her. It was so sad seeing that deflated look on their faces when their birthdays/Xmas were "ruined" by Kate wrecking new gifts of eating all their cake. Even her sister's wedding wasn't safe. Just a very sad situation all around.
Load More Replies... Is Aiden's mom not watching her child break other kid's toys? Like, is it not obvious to her why Sam would dislike him? He didn't "ostracize" Aiden. I'm sure it's difficult for her, but putting the blame on OP isn't the answer.
Exactly. Having special needs doesn't mean you get to ignore and steam roll over other people and their rights and boundaries. He still needs to be taught how to behave in society.
Load More Replies... The moms TA if you ask me. I have a child with autism. Sometimes kids don’t want to play with him and that’s okay. I call him over and tell him to leave those kids alone now, how entitled do you have to be to think other kids have to put up with yours? Special needs or not.
My daughter used to play with a little girl who clearly had emotional/developmental issues which were yet to be diagnosed. Both girls were the same age (6) and I got on really well with the little girls mum. However when the little girl started to physically and mentally harm my daughter (tried to close her head in a car door, scratched her once so hard and aggressively my daughters face and arm were bleeding and would whisper mean things into her ear when she thought we couldn't see her) I decided enough was enough and I severed ties with the little girl and her mum. I'm actually angry at myself that I subjected my daughter to a very unpredictable and aggressive child regardless of her age.
You're the first comment I've come across that has actually acknowledged their mistake and has (finally?) stood up for their own child when it was necessary. Being disabled Is no excuse to be an ahole to everyone else, no matter how severe it is and no matter how tolerant every else tries to be. It is no one's but the parents responsibility for their own kid. I hope your child is okay now and it didn't traumatize her to a point. I feel for ANY child that doesn't know better, but all children can be taught boundaries and manners to function in society. And if not, then it is parents obligation and responsibility to keep their kid from hurting others while also protecting their own kid. Disabled or not, your kids hitting or hurting others, you're gonna have some very unhappy parents and then no one will want to hang with you.
Load More Replies... special needs does not mean you are free to be as big a jerk as you want with no consequences.
I am an ND mom of 2 ND boys and while I get the mom's concerns, I would not ever DREAM to try to force my kids onto others, much less try to force friendships. That is not fair to the other kids, whose boundaries are being violated. That is not fair to mine who are only tolerated instead of truly accepted and therefore get the message that all they ever deserve is to be tolerated and no more, PLUS it does little to help my children to learn social norms and boundaries. And, it is not fair to the other kids parents to have them feel that they have little choice but to either be supportive parents to their kids or societal a******s when they are not. Yes, kids like this lady's and like mine need to be socialized, perhaps more so than most, while still balancing out their own autonomies and needs, which can be one of the biggest emotional dysregulation triggers for the ND community overall. But, just because our OWN needs are different, it does not mean only our side matters. Both do.
NTA doesn't matter special needs or not if the kid is rude and the others don't want to play with him they don't have to, just because they are special needs doesn't earn them special treatment. You want them treated equal then teach them to act like a decent person. You want others to act normal around them. Don't get upset about stuff like this doesn't matter if your special needs or not. They are kids, Sam sees Aiden as a jerk so he doesn't wanna play with him. It's not about special needs no one wants to play with a jerk doesn't mean shxt he's special needs to a kid
Right. The OP's child is feing bullied and victimized, it doesn't matter why. Being special needs doesn't give you the right to bully.
Load More Replies... Just because a child like that has special needs doesn't mean the parents can't reach the child to control or have manners. If they notice the child is revving up to act out it's up to them to reign the child in an hope they learn some social skills. It doesn't happen overnight and this child seems to have a self centered it's ok to do what I want. Meaning the parents excuse his behavior as part of his special needs. Instead of the safety of other children. Flailing arms. Breaking toys. It's told right there. That child gets attention. And not taught how to control the issues. You did right by your kids. Politeness and then taking them out of uncomfortable situations where they could be injured. A 6 year old playing with an aggressive 7 year old is a parent taking the safety of their child seriously. And moving your outings to a better time is your prerogative. No explanation needed. And if so just say that your day is your day. The mom will learn she has to step up. .
Same thing happened with my kid and new girl to their friends group. Despite several conversations with the mom about the kids behavior, it continued, so we didn't attend any groups that they'd be at. Then all the other parents did the same. We all got called AH, but pointed out that she did nothing to stop her kid's aggressive behavior.
I feel for aiden i really do however that being said op's children tried to get along, did not and don't want to continue. You can't keep torturing your own child when they feel uncomfortable just because the other is special needs. It will end badly and frankly i agree with one of the responders in the post. It is just forcing abuse on the other child to continue to deal with something he is uncomfortable with.
I have a son with what used to be called Asperger's, now an adult. He hated large groups of any kind especially other kids . I could not take him shopping as he hated all the noise. Sure he had hurt feelings at times but he understood it was his feelings and not those around him. He grew up very smart but still dislikes a lot of noise and large groups unless it's family.
One of my boys could be very difficult, ESPECIALLY around other children. We quickly developed a hard rule for outings with him. No longer than an hour, and if he started to have problems with self regulation earlier than that we left. He can manage somewhat longer than that on outings he is interested in now, and does ok at school, but he seems to be a natural introvert and mostly chooses to stay home. As he is 14, 5'9 and built like a brick wall, there is no 'forcing' him to socialize!
Not a bad person, and you need to look out for your child's interests too. At that age, special needs / no special needs doesn't really pop into their mind as much as fun to play with / not fun to play with and you made efforts. The mother should also understand that you can't just be like "my child has special needs, you HAVE to be friends with him, he has special needs!" and that is how this story is making me feel about them. She should invite you over there, not the other way around if the issue is the child breaks things occasionally. Once a relationship has grown a little where it's not just "a kid breaking my toys I don't really know" then you can move on to going to others houses and if it happens, it happens and the children are probably a bit more tolerant of their friend at that point.
I would like to know what the mother of Aiden did to help guide her son into being a better boy around the other kids? Or is she like many people and EXPECTS everyone else to just accept her son's obnoxious behavior. That gate swings both ways. If your child can't control themselves and causes other children to avoid them then stop forcing your child on other kids that up until then were happy and playing well with others.
I do wonder if Aiden's parents have decided to just give up on teaching him how to interact with others because he's disabled and "won't understand". I've met a few people who think that because a person has mental disabilites, they have next to no capacity for learning, even though this isn't true. Might take longer, and it may need different techniques, but it most cases you can.
Here's the thing. You can't force friendship. If they were both on the same level cognitively and your child advised that they don't want to play with the other child, would you force them to anyway? I had neighbor kids that I tried to be friends with when I was younger, same age, same school, but we had no interests in common. Neither of our parents tried to force us to be friends anyway just because we lived across the street from each other. To be fair, our parents also didn't have anything in common other than living in the same neighborhood.
What you need to do is write to the new mom explaining that boundaries are as important as inclusion and that your son's boundaries have continued to be violated and therefore you are doing the right thing and prioritizing his needs. The issue is not that Aiden is special needs; it is that he is behaving in ways that are harmful to the other children and the other kids have a right to choose to not spend time with people who do that. You have done your best to socialize your children with hers but they simply did not get along. Your kids have the right to say they don't want to spend time with another person regardless of whether that person is the same as themselves or different, be it race, religion, disability, etc. If someone makes them uncomfortable to the point that they physically try to escape them, do not let that person into their home. That's the one big mistake you've already made and you are right to change your course of action to not make it again. Protect your boys.
Btw, this is coming from someone who is neurodivergent, has neurodivergent siblings, and is in a relationship with another neurodivergent person. Special needs isn't a blanket pass to impose yourself on other people when your behavior is harming them. Patience is absolutely essential to learning to get along with all sorts of physical types and neurotypes, and your sons are clearly patient, but tolerating abuse is never and should never be a requirement for making relationships function.
Load More Replies... My policy on these situations is this: if someone is probably going to get their feelings hurt no matter what you do, then pick the option that is best for you and your family. I this case either Sam will feel uncomfortable and like he isn't being backed by his parents, or Aiden will probably feel left out of the group (which also sucks). At this point there's no winning, so it's better to prioritize your own family. It's unfortunate, and like others have said, things might change when the kids get older. Or maybe not. I have a hard time as an adult being around people who are too loud too often, so I get why Sam might have trouble, especially being too young to really understand that Aiden can't always help it.
I really relate to this post I am autistic and I had no friends for the first 6 1/2 years of my life and very few after that and while I throw no shade at OP I have lasting trama of sorts from some of the things kids and even adults have done and said and the social isolation I experienced during covid literally almost killed me so I would say tread this area carefully because kids catch on more than you think and I can see Aiden in a therapy office years later talking about remembering all the kids at the park avoiding him. I have dozens of examples of downright cruel things people have done so just please OP make sure that your children don’t do or say anything that will leave lasting damage I would definitely respect your children’s boundaries but please please please teach them how important kindness can be because the kindness of certain people are some of my best memories. An example I have is in first grade a kid put a tack on my chair and someone warned me.
I have more to say but there are character limits so if you want to hear more about my own experience or any advice for dealing with neuro divergent people or your own neuro divergency please reply to my comment or to this reply
Load More Replies... "Oddball" kids used to be "socialized" by grown-ups pretty much ignoring the physically and emotionally rough-and-tumble chaos of the playground or streets of the neighborhood. Kids were told not to bully differently abled kids but some kids did anyway. It was pretty awful for anyone who didn't fit in for whatever reason. At least these days we're trying.
It’s easy to forget that will all the talk of accepting how different people with disabilities can be a lot for people who don’t have experience on it. They are different, and while that’s not a bad thing at all, not everyone can handle it. As long as they treat the people with respect and don’t talk down to/ostracize them intentionally because of their disability they don’t have to hang out with them. (Also what does NAH stand for, or are they just saying nah)
It means No ***holes Here. It's used for situations in which no one is at fault
Load More Replies... YNTA It was a nice relief to see all the Positive re: this special needs child placed in the middle of a play group. I appreciate how the comments were caring and considerate. I grew up with an older brother who had special needs after a brain injury when he was 2 & itcaused irreversible brain damage. We played together when we were little ( he is 2 yrs older) but I outgrew his mentality and became bored so I sought out kids my own age to play with and sort of left him behind . As a child he was sweet and kind but as we grew up he was basically tortured by kids at school who would call him names etc. He didn’t like school so my parents found him a good children’s home not far from us that would teach him life skills. I cannot imagine how it made him feel to be abandoned in a children’s home at age 9. I empathize with him. It never got easier because people are just cruel. He always worked as a bagger for extra money so he could afford an apartment of his own. He will be 70 next month .
You have to be kind to everyone, you don't have to like everyone though
I don't think you even have to be kind to everyone and teaching kids that is a disadvantage. There are situations such as harassment where being nasty is perfectly acceptable to make the other person leave you alone. You don't want to teach kids to be a doormat or put up with abusive behaviors ( or sexually creepy ones) because of pressures to be nice, which is something girls are disproportionately faced with ( as the OP noted).
Load More Replies... As a sister of the special needs child I totally understand the struggles with them being loud and scary to his kids NTA I'm glad you tried and were kind
I am the mother of a special needs child who is an adult now. I realized early on that she needed her own peer group and stopped trying to insert her into her sisters’ circles of friends. Everything changed for the better when she found her own group of friends. They understood each other, were very tolerant and helpful with each other. It was like things fell into place for her and life was suddenly fun and easier. She has an extraordinary large circle of special needs friends and has maintained them for 40+ years. Aiden’s mother should look for play groups and activities where Aiden can connect and be given the opportunity to make lifelong friends.
I am a parent of children with additional needs and I can definitely see both sides. I feel the dad did everything right. What I would of like to have read was words of appreciation from the mom, it was easy for her to request that conversations to be had for the father and son, but where she could of been proactive is when her son was getting loud with excitement she could of went over and said "You seem excited, I can tell by how loud your voice is. I think your voice might be hurting his ears, please take softly " if he is unable to read those socia cues then she should help him navigate. The goal is to endear people not to scare them away. In what I read the children were very good, bit they are also children and their feeling don't simply go away because another child with additional needs who they don't have a secure relationship with joins them. Teaching, supporting and encouraging needs to be on both sides till all feel comfortable and safe.
Long story short: no one is in the wrong, other than the mother trying to guilt trip you (solely), and no child's feelings should ever be invalidated, special needs or not, disabled or not. _________________________ I know Aiden probably doesn't know better, especially because his mom clearly fails to teach him boundaries and to monitor him so he's not distressing other kids, but being disabled isn't an excuse to be an a*****e to everyone else. Special needs or not, Aiden was a jerk and was bullying ops kids, idc what anyone says. He even broke the little ones toys and his mother never offered to replace them. Ops kids very clearly tried to play with him multiple times, but ultimately decided they don't like him enough to continue being friends. And there is nothing wrong with that, it's the same as if Aiden wasn't disabled. You can be an a*****e no matter what, you can be unlikable regardless of being disabled or not. ____________________________ Best wishes and Good luck to Aiden, and his overbearing self-victimizing mom. Hopefully she can teach him to behave a little better for his own safety and to save distress from other kids. Perhaps find other disabled children so they have more in common? Either way, it's no one else's responsibility other than the kids parents.
Your disabled child is your problem to deal with and not someone else's. People have tolerated the antics of her son but tolerance has a limit.
NTA I learned how to navigate special needs kids at about 6 myself. My friend's little sister was 5 and had Down Syndrome. She was very much like Aiden. My parents had told me to have patience with her and it's just my nature to be tolerant. I was coming home with bruises because Jackie's version of a hug was tackling you, getting your attention might be a slap, punch, slap on the butt or a hard poke. When my parents asked me about the bruises, I explained I was teaching Jackie "soft hands" and watched me coaching her about proper hugs. My parents were teachers, my father a Learning Disability/ Developmentally Handicapped teacher. Jackie's father was a football coach. In our parents discussion, my dad suggested that maybe she was emulating the football players and she was. Things got better, however my parents would have stopped the playdates if I had asked. Between my grandfather in a wheelchair, Jackie and another friend's brother with severe Autism, I never feared special needs kids
Would it be possible to make times for the dude walk more random? You may or may not see this other kid, and if your son sees him, plays for a bit and then says I am ready to go, then fine. Maybe just make sure your son isn't saying he's leaving due to Aiden, make a secret code or something. It might give everyone a chance to keep trying. Definitely NTA in any case, just trying to figure a way to stay open a little bit.
First time, I am feelign a real NAH. A child has the right to have boundaries and cannot be forced to play with other children but a special needs child needs friends and playmates, too, so I undersand why the adutls were pushign the issue. There are a lot of good suggestions in all the comments and I hope a solution will be found.
NTA Take it from me, you don't want to force a friendship on your child that they don't want, but teaching them to be respectful of the other child is great. I tried when my daughter was younger, to make her be friends with a friend of mine's children. She didn't like them at all, but I insisted. Later I found out that these children stole from my daughter, and the one her age was to wild, and to worldly for a 12 year old girl, and I apologized to my daughter, and I told her that the forced friendship was ended, and she was happy. I also paid a visit to my friend's ex wife, and demanded that my daughter's stolen property be given back, because some of it was very valuable money wise, and when she try to say that her children didn't take anything, and I actually saw all my daughter's stuff on their living room floor. I raised enough cane and got my daughter's stuff back, and I never forced a friendship on my daughter again.
Oh, wow, I'm heartbroken from reading this. This is an extremely difficult situation to be in for all parties involved. I'm a firm believer in not forcing my kids to do that which they don't want to do, so I understand OP's position, and I commend him for giving the little boy and his family multiple chances, rather just one complaint and calling it quits. I feel so bad for Aiden's mother, though. To be in that position, feeling ostracized because your child is "different" would make life difficult to navigate. I have a lot of respect for both sides, because they are all acting like adults and taking this seriously. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer to how to "fix it," it's just made me feel so bad.
It's good to include everyone in play and encourage kindness but ultimately our children must be our priority. After all that is why we are THEIR parents.
I've always found it difficult to judge people who are neurodivergent because of the differences in our understandings of societal expectations for behaviour. For example, a person with autism called one of our classmates fat behind their back. I told them not to say that and that it is rude. Another time, they kept writing the same classmate's name on the board, something that they explicitly told them not to on multiple occasions. The person with autism responded that it was funny. I'm not sure if they are a jerk or they just don't understand but I'm leaning towards the former because they kept doing it despite being told to stop.
While it's clear that the kids is a hard no, I hope OP goes out of his way to offer support for the mom. Perhaps trying to help her find groups, and get her connected into the community so she doesnt feel abandoned. Shes clearly doing her best with a difficult situation.
Oh this is an exceptional thread. Well thought out answers instead of the usual spouted c**p, a very different set of very difficult circumstances for all involved. I hope some good outcome was achieved for all so everyone felt good where they live 😊
OP is TA and he's teaching his son to be one, too. Consider how Aidan's feeling.
They did? They went several times trying to include him, and encourage his son to be friends with him. Are you trying to say that he should force his kid to be around someone they had tried to be aroubd several times, when it didnt work out well? His kid still has his own needs, and unfortunately Aidens behaviour steps on those.
Load More Replies... For one, ur not this child s parent. Unless u see abuse, you have no reason to involve them in ur routine. U just show ur kids there are others who are different and to be kind and leave it at that. U are also not responsible for other people's actions. They did the same u did and stay away. This is not the 1st time this has happened and the mother is taking it in you instead of getting therapy for her son. Show your children that sometimes things get broken, this can be fixed, and move on. You and your wife can offer support to this family if u choose to as a family however it becomes most toxic when u let other people when they get too much in ur life. Speaking by experience this never works in the long term. This mother has to get some professional help and ur not it. NTA
While sad for Aiden, Sam is also a kid who has feelings and you shouldn't force relationships if someone expresses discomfort/dislike for it. As soon as my child would've climbed
NTA & that mom assumes a lot about the other kids not being understanding. I'm not saying any of the others have special needs, but some get overwhelmed & overstimulated by loud noises & in-your-face dynamics, & that can send them into their own spiral. If the mother doesn't understand this, she doesn't have room to complain about anyone else.
NTA, as in NEVER. You are not responsible for the needs of some other parent's kid—special needs or not, your kid and his needs come first. It is wrong to force a child to accept others who are different or don't like being around. I hated that nonsense when I (62m) was growing up, and I still hate it now. Special needs kids tend to turn into obnoxious adults. Nothing worse than an obnoxious family member, neighbor, or coworker. He can talk to Sam and explain what the issue is, but it must remain Sam's decision with no judgment.
This is tough stuff! While I feel for the SN child and his mother I would not have forced my own child into a situation where he was unhappy and uncomfortable. The mom seems fine stating her kids needs, I think the father should do the same for his kids. Let the mom know you'll try again maybe the 1st Saturday of the month but when she sees the kids start to distance themselves she should realize that they are getting overwhelmed and it's time for her to step in. Maybe pull her son aside for a snack break, or take him home voluntarily. To expect kids to handle situations that even adults struggle with is too much
You are not the AITA. This mom wants to socialize. It's lonely being the parent of a kid who will never be "part of the group". but kids will find their way to happiness if the mom loves them, encourages their interests and finds her own friends but not parents from the neighborhood or school. My son is special needs and was tolerated and pitied as the genius, outspoken, really tall, odd ball. I took him to out of the way nature parks for collecting leaves, tadpoles, rocks etc. when no one was there and didn't allow him to go to classmates parties. As he got older he excelled in water polo and was liked and valued by his team. On group projects the other students begged to be in his group. I learned to be an outsider mom but my own friends and social life based on my interests. He understood he had limited friendships based on his interests and that it's ok because told him it was. By the way he's now a university senior on a four year academic scholarship in micro biology.
I find Laura's response triggered. Somehow mom is lack because of the older child? How about there is very very likely a genetic condition in place that caused the autism in the first place? That's the most common answer. There are lots of families in my own with several 'weird' kids but it's due to genetics. My 2 older kids both have unique needs (not really my 2 younger) due to genetics. I also have autism, as does my dad. I have thrown hundreds of thousands personal dollars into therapies but at the end? You can't change genetics. Nothing is lacking here.
I should clarify, you should start with kindness as your first response, then go from there, don't start by being a jerk
Why would you make a 6 year old sit and be uncomfortable and upset just for some other kid's feelings? F**k that
Load More Replies... No, you're absolutely disgusting. nobody is shunning aiden, get a f*****g grip🤣. Op's son doesn't want to be around aiden for may reasons, including aiden breaking his f*****g toy. Who would want to be around a kid like that, autistic or not? And why would you force your kid to hang out without them just bc "the mom is doing her best"and aiden is autistic??? So what? Kids have boundaries and we shouldn't force people on them just to make that person fell better. That is not what we want to teach our kids. Do better kathryn.
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