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Woman Raised Her Brother After Their Parents Disowned Him, Evicts Him For Spilling Her Secret
Every relationship has its “red lines” that, once crossed, tend to mean the end. More often than not, this happens early enough, but in some unfortunate cases, the couple can be far along enough to be considering marriage. One pretty common “hot topic” is, of course, past infidelity.
A woman wondered if she went too far after she kicked her brother out for revealing to her fiancé that she cheated on her high-school boyfriend almost a decade ago. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
Trust can be broken in a relationship very quickly
One woman ended up having her marriage called off when her brother shared a time she cheated in high school
Image credits: Jakob Rosen / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: broken_inside_me
Cheating is a very contentious topic at the best of times
This story is complicated, as it’s quite easy to see both sides of the story. In the woman’s case, yes, she should not have cheated, but high-school relationships, particularly short ones, are often tenuous. Similarly, even if there were no mitigating circumstances, this was almost a decade ago, people do change.
After all, the brother didn’t mention any instances of cheating, so this does not appear to be something this woman does all the time. That being said, it is telling that she hasn’t told the man she intends to marry. As much as “Hunter” might, understandably, dislike cheating, it’s also possible that this reaction was the result of him realizing that the woman was hiding things from him.
From his perspective, he has suddenly realized that the woman he is engaged to is hiding something from him. It’s not much of a stretch to think that if someone is hiding one part of their life, they might be hiding more. Even “worse” this is something that appears to be “common knowledge” for her brother, but not for him.
In general, infidelity is a very controversial topic, mixing trust issues and social norms. Some researchers believe that cheating is actually more regulated across history than sex before marriage, despite the latter being such a “hot topic” in some cultures. Similarly, while the woman might not think this instance of her cheating was a big deal, perhaps Hunter has had some negative experiences in the past.
It can be hard to trust someone in your life after being cheated on
People who have been cheated on in the past tend to suffer, at best, some self-esteem and are slower to trust. In worse cases, the victim of cheating might suffer from depression and, in general, a feeling of lower quality of life. Even if Hunter was not cheated on, it’s entirely possible that he went through something similar in his life and this revelation opened up a particular wound. Ultimately, this was something that was, perhaps, bound to end the relationship at some point anyway, so the only silver lining is that it happened before marriage.
So the woman’s past actions are not necessarily “unforgivable,” but, equally, Hunter might have good reasons for why he can’t move forward with this relationship. However, the crux of the story isn’t actually the past cheating, but her kicking out her brother. In his defense, what he said was dumb, but, equally, how could he have known that this would be such an issue?
Indeed, it’s not at all unreasonable to assume that she had already told Hunter. He is engaged to her after all, and she has indicated that he’s an important person in her life. Conner was perhaps short sighted, but he most definitely did not act with malicious intent. The various volatile topics in this story didn’t result in a clear cut answer. You can find a variety of different opinions from netizens from the comments section below.
A few readers wanted more information
Most thought everyone shared the blame
While some thought the woman needed to own up to her past
However, a thought she was not to blame
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What do you think ?
François Bouzigues 1 year ago
I have no idea what my wife was doing at 17, who she was dating, if she was faithful or else. And i could not care less. Met her at 25. Faithful and happy ever since. OP BF reaction is soap opera level. Who you are at 17YO states how your parents raised you. Who you are at 26 is figuring out for yourself.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Honestly....she was 17...teenage years are full of hormones and mistakes. The only relationship I took semi-seriously was when I got pregnant at 19 and I left him shortly after my daughter was born. The fiancé over reacted and it wasn't her brothers place to spill that tea. You know he asked that question on purpose.
Debs Bee 1 year ago
You dodged a bullet. If Hunter was so intractable on some misguided thing that happened in your youth, there's no telling what else might cause him to leave you at the drop of a hat. Then too, this revelation may have been a convenient reason to break up. Forgive your brother; his brain isn't fully formed yet anyway.
PeakyBlinder 1 year ago
BFs reaction is stupid, way over the top and definitely not brothers fault. For BF to dump her on the spot over something she did almost 10 years ago in a teenage "relationship', that has nothing to do with him and is none of his concern, he cannot have csred for her that much in the first place....
LAS 1 year ago
When I started dating my now husband he told me that he had cheated on a past high school girlfriend. I said "And what did you do after?" He said, "I went straight to my girlfriends house and told her and we broke up." I asked him, "so you didn't lie about it?" He said, "Nope." I said, "Ok." We have been together for more than 21 years and I have never once thought that he was unfaithful to me. I can understand not telling someone about something done when so young, but the boyfriend WAY over reacted!
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
Beware of men who weaponize cheating trauma. My ex did that. Guess who was a cheater when we broke up? I was under the impression that saying I no longer am interested in being his girlfriend, don't like him, and wish to go my separate ways doesn't count as breaking up first. Used that s**t to get free rent, job hookups, I've gotten harassed by people i haven't met at parties. Often it's a narcissistic injury they suffered, but that's more embarrassing than being a victim of cheating.
Ellen Little 1 year ago
Our brains literally don’t stop developing until we’re 25. I’m not saying anything done as a teenager should automatically be forgiven, but maybe take with a grain of salt! When I look back at the dumb s**t I did as a teenager, I’m amazed I’m still alive!
tee-lena 1 year ago
I remember a cliff jumping disaster that led to an er visit. We are so stupid as teens
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JayWantsACat 1 year ago
I cheated on my high school girlfriend when I was 17 and it still eats me up inside. Especially because even after all these years, she hasn't forgiven me. i don't blame and I don't expect her to. I f*****g hate that I had that effect on two people (me and her) because I was a f*****g idiot. I've never gotten remotely close to cheating since. If my fiance broke things off because of what I did decades ago, something that I still beat myself up about, I don't think I could take it. The fiance is not an AH but I think it's a gross overreaction to the situation.
Svenne O'Lotta 1 year ago
This lady is NOT mature enough to get married. Holy shít. The brother got disowned 3 years ago and now she wants to put him through that again? And for what, an equally juvenile "man" who can't stand the thought of her having a life before him?
Mike Rightmire 1 year ago
The brother was an idiot. But everyone at that age is an idiot. On the other hand, the (now ex) fiancé acted irrationally and unfairly. The mistake was eons ago, before he was even in a relationship with her. His type of rigid, unforgiving thinking would have eventually cause problems in their doomed marriage. She dodged a bullet. She should buy the brother a beer, not kick him out.
Zero Costa 1 year ago
I know it might be hard to believe, but not everyone is from a country with a drinking age of 21+
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Jonathan Setter 9 months ago
YTA. Typical reaction of a cheater when caught. Your brother...poor kid. Accidentally put his foot in it when drunk and you kicked him out? In Australia we would call you a c*nt.
Wayne Gossman 1 year ago
While I do not like calling people a…..es I get it. But this post shows how much good this kind of social media can do. Glad she plans to get therapy!!!
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
ETA except the fiancée. Op is an AH as she knew from the first date how the fiancée felt about cheating and she concealed it. Would it have been the last date if she had been honest? Maybe, but she never gave him the chance to decide. Brother is an AH for the reveal. What if he did it at or after the wedding and caused a divorce? I'm holding nothing against the fiancée. He made his feelings known from day one. This is not just about the cheating! It's about her purposeful deceit during the entire relationship and one she would surely continue. He has to immediately wonder what else she is hiding or will hide in the future. The past matters because not everyone changes. She cheated and that was a deceit. She was keeping that info from the fiancée, which is also a deceit so, in that regard, she has not changed. Statistics show that 40% of married men are raising children who are not their own and they don't even know it. That more than anything is why past cheating matters.
Leigh Ann Stephens 1 year ago
Your brother would have been 10 when you cheated on your boyfriend at 17. Why would any 10 yr old know anything about your teenage love life? I am concerned about your judgment inappropriately sharing such things with a child. ESH.
Roberta Surprenant 1 year ago
If he walked over something that happened years before they met, when she was in high school, she dodged a bullet and should thank her brother.
Paul Jayne 1 year ago
FFS. What you did at 17, *before* you met your now-X is none of his business. It is not your fault he was cheated on by his X. Forgive your dunce of a brother and concentrate on getting over the bullet you just dodged.
Samantha Angell 1 year ago (edited)
I think the fiance needs to address his issues, but in no way do I think his reaction was unreasonable. You knew his stance. You knew (or suspected) that he would leave if he knew. While it might seem extreme for him to care about something that happened 9 yrs ago, when you were a teenager, that doesn't mean that his standard is out of line. Especially when he found out the way he did. I'm sure she has no intention of cheating again and in any other relationship it wouldn't matter if she didn't mention it. But she knew how much it mattered to him. For the brother.... Being young or drunk isn't an excuse for poor behavior ("I didn't mean to hit you/cheat on you/blow all of our money gambling, honey, I was just drunk"). But evicting him is essentially the same thing the fiance did. Except she's punishing her brother for HER actions while her fiance also cut ties because of HER actions. She shouldn't feel ashamed for her past, she was a kid just like her brother is now. But she handled every step of this process terribly.
Steve Hall 1 year ago
Where does BP find all these stupid people telling fantasy stories about people who probably never existed?
Paul C 1 year ago
Given how strong the ex-BF feels, the OP should definitely have explained her situation long before in a calm way. Secrets like that always come out. Someone blabs (as in this case) or someone always has a best friend they confide it. Everyone has a different best friend, so it gets around. It's the secret that's the issue, not the cheating (I think).
Doctor Strange 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly, I understand the fiance's reaction. My first relationship ended very painfully when I found out she was cheating on me. She flat out told me, and how much better than me he was. So yeah, getting cheated on really hurts. And I'm very upfront about that. There are a few things I'll go over with anyone before we get into a committed relationship about myself, that being one of them. If she had taken the time to bring it up when he did, things would be different. But instead, she lied (yes, what she did counts as lying) and mislead him into believing she held the same views. Then to find out that it was an act, now he has to wonder what Else was she lying about? What else about her is just an act? Should they talk it out? Perhaps. But right at that moment, he may have been in no state to have a rational discussion. There are times I have to remove myself from the situation because I just can't control my emotions, and need time to get that control.
CBolt 1 year ago
"If she had taken the time to bring it up when he did, things would be different." I expect so - he would have bailed right then & never been her fiancé.
Load More Replies... Jessie 1 year ago
The cheating happened a decade ago in highschool when she didn’t even know the fiancé yet and it wasn’t even in a serious relationship. I don’t see at all how that’s remotely comparable to cheating on your husband and having someone else’s child during the marriage.
Load More Replies... François Bouzigues 1 year ago
I have no idea what my wife was doing at 17, who she was dating, if she was faithful or else. And i could not care less. Met her at 25. Faithful and happy ever since. OP BF reaction is soap opera level. Who you are at 17YO states how your parents raised you. Who you are at 26 is figuring out for yourself.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Honestly....she was 17...teenage years are full of hormones and mistakes. The only relationship I took semi-seriously was when I got pregnant at 19 and I left him shortly after my daughter was born. The fiancé over reacted and it wasn't her brothers place to spill that tea. You know he asked that question on purpose.
Debs Bee 1 year ago
You dodged a bullet. If Hunter was so intractable on some misguided thing that happened in your youth, there's no telling what else might cause him to leave you at the drop of a hat. Then too, this revelation may have been a convenient reason to break up. Forgive your brother; his brain isn't fully formed yet anyway.
PeakyBlinder 1 year ago
BFs reaction is stupid, way over the top and definitely not brothers fault. For BF to dump her on the spot over something she did almost 10 years ago in a teenage "relationship', that has nothing to do with him and is none of his concern, he cannot have csred for her that much in the first place....
LAS 1 year ago
When I started dating my now husband he told me that he had cheated on a past high school girlfriend. I said "And what did you do after?" He said, "I went straight to my girlfriends house and told her and we broke up." I asked him, "so you didn't lie about it?" He said, "Nope." I said, "Ok." We have been together for more than 21 years and I have never once thought that he was unfaithful to me. I can understand not telling someone about something done when so young, but the boyfriend WAY over reacted!
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
Beware of men who weaponize cheating trauma. My ex did that. Guess who was a cheater when we broke up? I was under the impression that saying I no longer am interested in being his girlfriend, don't like him, and wish to go my separate ways doesn't count as breaking up first. Used that s**t to get free rent, job hookups, I've gotten harassed by people i haven't met at parties. Often it's a narcissistic injury they suffered, but that's more embarrassing than being a victim of cheating.
Ellen Little 1 year ago
Our brains literally don’t stop developing until we’re 25. I’m not saying anything done as a teenager should automatically be forgiven, but maybe take with a grain of salt! When I look back at the dumb s**t I did as a teenager, I’m amazed I’m still alive!
tee-lena 1 year ago
I remember a cliff jumping disaster that led to an er visit. We are so stupid as teens
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 1 year ago
I cheated on my high school girlfriend when I was 17 and it still eats me up inside. Especially because even after all these years, she hasn't forgiven me. i don't blame and I don't expect her to. I f*****g hate that I had that effect on two people (me and her) because I was a f*****g idiot. I've never gotten remotely close to cheating since. If my fiance broke things off because of what I did decades ago, something that I still beat myself up about, I don't think I could take it. The fiance is not an AH but I think it's a gross overreaction to the situation.
Svenne O'Lotta 1 year ago
This lady is NOT mature enough to get married. Holy shít. The brother got disowned 3 years ago and now she wants to put him through that again? And for what, an equally juvenile "man" who can't stand the thought of her having a life before him?
Mike Rightmire 1 year ago
The brother was an idiot. But everyone at that age is an idiot. On the other hand, the (now ex) fiancé acted irrationally and unfairly. The mistake was eons ago, before he was even in a relationship with her. His type of rigid, unforgiving thinking would have eventually cause problems in their doomed marriage. She dodged a bullet. She should buy the brother a beer, not kick him out.
Zero Costa 1 year ago
I know it might be hard to believe, but not everyone is from a country with a drinking age of 21+
Load More Replies... Jonathan Setter 9 months ago
YTA. Typical reaction of a cheater when caught. Your brother...poor kid. Accidentally put his foot in it when drunk and you kicked him out? In Australia we would call you a c*nt.
Wayne Gossman 1 year ago
While I do not like calling people a…..es I get it. But this post shows how much good this kind of social media can do. Glad she plans to get therapy!!!
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
ETA except the fiancée. Op is an AH as she knew from the first date how the fiancée felt about cheating and she concealed it. Would it have been the last date if she had been honest? Maybe, but she never gave him the chance to decide. Brother is an AH for the reveal. What if he did it at or after the wedding and caused a divorce? I'm holding nothing against the fiancée. He made his feelings known from day one. This is not just about the cheating! It's about her purposeful deceit during the entire relationship and one she would surely continue. He has to immediately wonder what else she is hiding or will hide in the future. The past matters because not everyone changes. She cheated and that was a deceit. She was keeping that info from the fiancée, which is also a deceit so, in that regard, she has not changed. Statistics show that 40% of married men are raising children who are not their own and they don't even know it. That more than anything is why past cheating matters.
Leigh Ann Stephens 1 year ago
Your brother would have been 10 when you cheated on your boyfriend at 17. Why would any 10 yr old know anything about your teenage love life? I am concerned about your judgment inappropriately sharing such things with a child. ESH.
Roberta Surprenant 1 year ago
If he walked over something that happened years before they met, when she was in high school, she dodged a bullet and should thank her brother.
Paul Jayne 1 year ago
FFS. What you did at 17, *before* you met your now-X is none of his business. It is not your fault he was cheated on by his X. Forgive your dunce of a brother and concentrate on getting over the bullet you just dodged.
Samantha Angell 1 year ago (edited)
I think the fiance needs to address his issues, but in no way do I think his reaction was unreasonable. You knew his stance. You knew (or suspected) that he would leave if he knew. While it might seem extreme for him to care about something that happened 9 yrs ago, when you were a teenager, that doesn't mean that his standard is out of line. Especially when he found out the way he did. I'm sure she has no intention of cheating again and in any other relationship it wouldn't matter if she didn't mention it. But she knew how much it mattered to him. For the brother.... Being young or drunk isn't an excuse for poor behavior ("I didn't mean to hit you/cheat on you/blow all of our money gambling, honey, I was just drunk"). But evicting him is essentially the same thing the fiance did. Except she's punishing her brother for HER actions while her fiance also cut ties because of HER actions. She shouldn't feel ashamed for her past, she was a kid just like her brother is now. But she handled every step of this process terribly.
Steve Hall 1 year ago
Where does BP find all these stupid people telling fantasy stories about people who probably never existed?
Paul C 1 year ago
Given how strong the ex-BF feels, the OP should definitely have explained her situation long before in a calm way. Secrets like that always come out. Someone blabs (as in this case) or someone always has a best friend they confide it. Everyone has a different best friend, so it gets around. It's the secret that's the issue, not the cheating (I think).
Doctor Strange 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly, I understand the fiance's reaction. My first relationship ended very painfully when I found out she was cheating on me. She flat out told me, and how much better than me he was. So yeah, getting cheated on really hurts. And I'm very upfront about that. There are a few things I'll go over with anyone before we get into a committed relationship about myself, that being one of them. If she had taken the time to bring it up when he did, things would be different. But instead, she lied (yes, what she did counts as lying) and mislead him into believing she held the same views. Then to find out that it was an act, now he has to wonder what Else was she lying about? What else about her is just an act? Should they talk it out? Perhaps. But right at that moment, he may have been in no state to have a rational discussion. There are times I have to remove myself from the situation because I just can't control my emotions, and need time to get that control.
CBolt 1 year ago
"If she had taken the time to bring it up when he did, things would be different." I expect so - he would have bailed right then & never been her fiancé.
Load More Replies... Jessie 1 year ago
The cheating happened a decade ago in highschool when she didn’t even know the fiancé yet and it wasn’t even in a serious relationship. I don’t see at all how that’s remotely comparable to cheating on your husband and having someone else’s child during the marriage.
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