“AITA For Not Wanting My Sister At My Wedding Since She Is In A Wheelchair?”: Internet Defends Woman
If you have plans to tie the knot, your wedding day will likely be one of the most special days of your life. And it’s beautiful to have all of your loved ones gathered in one place to celebrate you and your partner. But unfortunately, life doesn’t take any days off from being complicated, even your wedding day.
One soon-to-be newlywed recently shared on Reddit that they’ve decided to uninvite their sister from their wedding to try to ensure that the focus of their big day doesn’t drift to her and her health problems. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers have left them.
The bride and groom always have the final say as to who will be welcome at their wedding
Image credits: Thirdman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So after hearing about their sister’s recent health issues, this person decided it would be best to exclude her from the event altogether
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Agitated-Ad-2603
Image credits: Nataza Krys / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Inviting guests who might make the whole day about them is a huge risk for brides and grooms to take
There are only a few days in our lives where it’s reasonable to expect to be the center of attention. When you graduate university, welcome a child into your family and get married, your loved ones should be happy to celebrate you and put aside their own issues for the day. But if they can’t manage to do so, they might end up being excluded from the event altogether.
One of the cardinal rules of attending a wedding is to not steal the spotlight from the bride and groom. “Creating a dynamic that deters from a carefree and happy flow to the bride and groom’s day is selfish, inconsiderate, and a total faux pas,” Monica Delevaux, owner and director at Haute Wedding, told Vogue.
While the happy couple is thrilled to have all of their loved ones there, the last thing they need to be worrying about is their aunt’s alcoholism or their sibling’s health issues. They will remember this day for the rest of their lives, and everyone attending should be respectful enough to ensure that the day is all about them. A great wedding guest radiates positivity and keeps their lips sealed about anything that would put a damper on the day.
Image credits: Leeloo Thefirst / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s actually common for family members to be excluded from weddings for one reason or another
While it might sound taboo or harsh to exclude a sibling from your wedding day, the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the decisions you make. And if having your brother or sister buzzing around will only bring you stress, you have every right to remove them from the guest list. But according to Good Housekeeping, experts say it’s common to exclude some relatives who might not behave appropriately.
“When making healthier choices for oneself and moving away from family dysfunction, it may feel like pumping an atrophied muscle,” LCSW Heather Coleman told Good Housekeeping. “If you are struggling to set healthy boundaries with your family or friends, or saying no to them for your own well-being, I highly recommend sorting out your feelings with a professional in order to gain the support to take those courageous steps.”
There’s no better day to put yourself, and your partner, first than your wedding day. And while it might be difficult to have the conversation ahead of time, explaining that certain relatives won’t be welcome at the gathering, it will be worth it when you’re stress free on one of the most important days of your life. Calmly explain why you’ve made this decision, and keep in mind that you have good intentions, even if your relatives try to make you feel guilty.
Image credits: Nathan Cowley / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Dealing with a toxic sibling can take a massive toll on anyone
In this specific situation, it seems that the OP has had a tumultuous relationship with their sister for a long time. According to PureWow, some telltale signs of a toxic sister are someone who insists on playing the victim, who makes everything about her and who doesn’t respect boundaries. And sometimes, these toxic siblings might even be narcissistic.
Choosing Therapy explains that having a narcissistic sibling can take a huge toll on anyone’s mental health. It may make you conflict avoidant or avoidant to criticism, distrustful of others, overly tolerant of abuse in relationships, used to a lack of stability in your family life, and lead you to having a lack of nurturing relationships. Experts recommend siblings assert their boundaries when dealing with narcissistic brothers or sisters, know their limits and know when to walk away.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had to choose to exclude one of your siblings or relatives from a big day in your life to protect your mental health? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing similar wedding drama, look no further than right here!
Later, the OP provided more background information
Readers were quick to share advice for the sibling as well
Many assured the OP that they had every right to uninvite their sister
And some shared similar stories of their own experiences
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Design at least a few parts of the wedding to be explicitly wheelchair- inaccessible. Photos on a flight of stairs, a contrived jumping competition, prizes for everyone who isn’t in a wheelchair…
I’m a wheelchair user and that last line is funny as hell 😂
Load More Replies...
Send out an announcement updating everyone that she’ll be in a wheelchair but she wants everyone to not make a fuss or talk about her illness so as not to distract from the wedding. In the announcement, talk about how brave she is and thank her. But be prepared to carry on if she is hospitalized or whatever during the wedding, meaning your parents can’t attend. Tell everyone that you know “it’s what she would have wanted”.
She is faking it just so she can be in the spotlight. She loved the attention she had lavished on her when she had cancer and now she will escalate her 'condition' when she feels the attention drifting. I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly had nose bleeds at very specific times and always carried a pencil with her
Dearest BP "Authors" Adelaide Ross and Indrė Lukošiūtė: This is absolutely not about someone being uninvited because they are in a wheelchair.
Why can't OP talk to the sister about this? There is def a kind way she/he can ask their own sister to respect the wedding day
Because someone like that sister won't listen to reason or respect her wishes. She'll either deny the behaviour and become really offended at the accusation or assure her sister of course the day will be hers but then do it anyway.
Load More Replies...
Yeah I'd tell everyone, but at some point she needs to unload on her sister for her b******t behavior and tell her flat out if she does it again, she will no longer invite her to anything.
Title is disingenuous. It has nothing to do with the sister planning to temporarily use a wheelchair, it's because the sister has a habit of faking medical dramas whenever the OP has any significant occasions to steal the spotlight and ensure that OP is never allowed any space. OP knows that if sister attends, she'll end up being very attention-seeking and will cause drama to ensure all the attention is on her. Yes, sister had cancer once years ago. Yet she still makes dramatic announcements about needing checkups and the possibility her cancer has returned that only happen when someone else is in the spotlight. If you're genuinely worried that the cancer you had as a kid has returned you wouldn't make a huge song and dance about it without even getting checked out first.
None of you a'holes are considering the fact that this poor girl survived cancer and still has problems but might actually like to be given so attention that doesn't revolve around her cancer. That's all she's been given and now she's cancer girl and a burden, so yeah, she uses it to get attention because the princess who's complaining online with her bitterness towards her sister who is afraid of dying is hogging the spotlight. She's not, she's trying to get acknowledged as a survivor, but Princess is complaining because her sister has had cancer and has nearly died. Boo hoo. Maybe if she actually treated her sister better she wouldn't need to throw out the cancer card to get any sort of support and attention.
This is actually an interesting viewpoint. Thank you Scotty B for putting it forward. I'm going to try to remember this when I'm finding it difficult to have empathy for my sister who is very similar to this. Thank you.
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Not sure about this. The best time to tell everyone any news in person is at a family gathering. Not having someone close there because they're in a wheelchair, if genuine, is heartless.
Sister isn't a wheelchair user, she's been cancer free for 11 years, she just likes to throw drama queen fits and claim to be worried her cancer might be coming back whenever someone else gets attention. She's bringing a wheelchair "in case she needs it", she can walk just fine.
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Nothing like a relative making their ill health their entire personality. Our family all has illnesses happening on & off at any given time, but anything new isn't held on until the next family gathering! OP is definitely NTA, but the parents & sister are.
Forget the big wedding. Gather the people you are closest to, have a small private wedding. Then throw a rockin’ reception, with them only or spend it on a fabulous honeymoon. Your sister and her supporters (enablers) have no right to be there with you, they are not your friends
Do you even know the point of a wedding versus an elopement?
Load More Replies...
Design at least a few parts of the wedding to be explicitly wheelchair- inaccessible. Photos on a flight of stairs, a contrived jumping competition, prizes for everyone who isn’t in a wheelchair…
I’m a wheelchair user and that last line is funny as hell 😂
Load More Replies... Send out an announcement updating everyone that she’ll be in a wheelchair but she wants everyone to not make a fuss or talk about her illness so as not to distract from the wedding. In the announcement, talk about how brave she is and thank her. But be prepared to carry on if she is hospitalized or whatever during the wedding, meaning your parents can’t attend. Tell everyone that you know “it’s what she would have wanted”.
She is faking it just so she can be in the spotlight. She loved the attention she had lavished on her when she had cancer and now she will escalate her 'condition' when she feels the attention drifting. I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly had nose bleeds at very specific times and always carried a pencil with her
Dearest BP "Authors" Adelaide Ross and Indrė Lukošiūtė: This is absolutely not about someone being uninvited because they are in a wheelchair.
Why can't OP talk to the sister about this? There is def a kind way she/he can ask their own sister to respect the wedding day
Because someone like that sister won't listen to reason or respect her wishes. She'll either deny the behaviour and become really offended at the accusation or assure her sister of course the day will be hers but then do it anyway.
Load More Replies... Yeah I'd tell everyone, but at some point she needs to unload on her sister for her b******t behavior and tell her flat out if she does it again, she will no longer invite her to anything.
Title is disingenuous. It has nothing to do with the sister planning to temporarily use a wheelchair, it's because the sister has a habit of faking medical dramas whenever the OP has any significant occasions to steal the spotlight and ensure that OP is never allowed any space. OP knows that if sister attends, she'll end up being very attention-seeking and will cause drama to ensure all the attention is on her. Yes, sister had cancer once years ago. Yet she still makes dramatic announcements about needing checkups and the possibility her cancer has returned that only happen when someone else is in the spotlight. If you're genuinely worried that the cancer you had as a kid has returned you wouldn't make a huge song and dance about it without even getting checked out first.
None of you a'holes are considering the fact that this poor girl survived cancer and still has problems but might actually like to be given so attention that doesn't revolve around her cancer. That's all she's been given and now she's cancer girl and a burden, so yeah, she uses it to get attention because the princess who's complaining online with her bitterness towards her sister who is afraid of dying is hogging the spotlight. She's not, she's trying to get acknowledged as a survivor, but Princess is complaining because her sister has had cancer and has nearly died. Boo hoo. Maybe if she actually treated her sister better she wouldn't need to throw out the cancer card to get any sort of support and attention.
This is actually an interesting viewpoint. Thank you Scotty B for putting it forward. I'm going to try to remember this when I'm finding it difficult to have empathy for my sister who is very similar to this. Thank you.
Load More Replies... Not sure about this. The best time to tell everyone any news in person is at a family gathering. Not having someone close there because they're in a wheelchair, if genuine, is heartless.
Sister isn't a wheelchair user, she's been cancer free for 11 years, she just likes to throw drama queen fits and claim to be worried her cancer might be coming back whenever someone else gets attention. She's bringing a wheelchair "in case she needs it", she can walk just fine.
Load More Replies... Nothing like a relative making their ill health their entire personality. Our family all has illnesses happening on & off at any given time, but anything new isn't held on until the next family gathering! OP is definitely NTA, but the parents & sister are.
Forget the big wedding. Gather the people you are closest to, have a small private wedding. Then throw a rockin’ reception, with them only or spend it on a fabulous honeymoon. Your sister and her supporters (enablers) have no right to be there with you, they are not your friends
Do you even know the point of a wedding versus an elopement?
Load More Replies... 
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