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Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
I (47F) am wondering if I should leave my husband (47) so that he can be with someone better. I don’t believe he is physically attracted to me anymore, as he has been searching for nudes on the internet. I have also noticed him looking at other women and flirting when we are out in public. I don’t blame him for looking, as I am not attractive (short, overweight, small breasts).
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If he wants to be with someone better and would be happier, then I would leave. I want him to be happy
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
So, should I leave and not tell him that I know I’m not good enough for him? Should I leave and tell him that I know I don’t make him happy?
Knowing I don’t please him and that he would rather be with someone else, I’m not sure I would be able to enjoy intimacy
Image credits: M. (not the actual photo)
Should I stay and tell him that I know I don’t make him happy? Should I stay but not say anything? Especially since I know that he’s internet exploring just before we are together.
I have really low self-esteem, and knowing all this makes me feel even worse about myself
Image credits: Hannah Xu (not the actual photo)
Additional info: married for 23 years, 2 older teenagers. I don’t think he has cheated on me. I won’t do an open marriage.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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What do you think ?
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
Sweetheart... TALK to him!!! Sounds like y'all need some communication!!! And if you can't get y'all in some therapy!!!!
Bored something 1 year ago
As Nichole said talk to him. ASK him how he feels, don't put words in his mouth. He may well find other women attractive but it doesn't have to mean he loves you any less.
RavenCroft 1 year ago
I think you really need to address your self-esteem and self image problems with a licensed therapist as a lot of your concerns that you're bringing up stem from that. You assume that he'd be better off or that he can do better without you, but being married for as long as you have with children, if he wanted to leave he would have by now. You need to take care of your emotional wellbeing and quickly because if it's not addressed it'll ruin your relationship and your life.
Lynne Walker 1 year ago
One of our parish counselors told us that there was nothing wrong with using adult sites before intimacy...and as long as you two are still faithful to each other, let it go. Let's face it: there are images on the internet that are never going to resemble you and what you would ever look like or do, but as fantasy it's perfectly acceptable. But you need to have the conversation with him, to let him know your concerns. There's a chance it's about him, too, and he may also be reluctant to discuss.
ginshun 1 year ago
You need to talk to him. As a man of roughly the same age, and one who has been married for roughly the same amount of time, I would encourage honest and open discussion before you do anything drastic. I suspect this is more about your low self esteem than it is about anything your husband is feeling, but I could be wrong. I do know that a man looking at nudes on the internet in no way means that he does not love and is not attracted to his wife. If him looking at nude women on the internet bothers you, then you need to tell him that specifically. It is very likely not any kind of reflection of his feelings toward you though. Again though, you need to talk to him about it, not take advise from some stranger on the internet.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Oh come on. He's literally telling her he needs more than she can provide to get excited. She isn't enough for him. I am tired of men saying 'It's Normal For Men' when they are hurting their spouses. If it's consensual that's fine, but flirting openly with other women? How much more plainly can he tell her he's bored with her. Why is it always HER INSECURITIES and not his assholery? The first thing you jump to is 'her Low Self Esteem? As always, blame the victim.
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
He may surprise you and tell you that he's getting exactly what he wants from the relationship, he may not. We don't all want (or even like) the same shape woman. I wonder, though, whether it's actually you hiding your issues about him? Do you, perhaps, want out because you're not getting what you need, and can't confront your own feelings, so it's easier to do it "for him"? You'd have to talk to a professional about that.
Casuall ️ 1 year ago
Ok bbg! Lemme help you out!! Ok so far lemme. Just say I love you 💕 . It takes a lot to go out there and ask like that so period boo 👻 and also I think you should try some self-improvement activities. Although this may seem very harsh, that’s just the reality. You may think I am being harsh but you should try and look good for you, not him. Confidence is Key 🔑 and, you’ll easily gain some afterwards! I recommend not going to friends and family, because the truth is they will sugarcoat everything, leaving the actual honesty aside. but you should also know that your husband sounds like a 🥷, and doesn’t deserve you. Beauty isn’t everything! But I DO think you should talk to him about this ⛅️.ps I’m only 13 so it’s ok if you ignore this comment I love you💗and I hope u r ok 👌🏾 💋
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
For a 13-year-old, your comments are quite astute.
Load More Replies...
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
Honey, you need a conversation with a professional. Number One: you need to love and respect yourself. Number Two: if you are leaving him, it should be FOR YOU, not doing him "a favor." Number Three: TALK TO HIM. Tell him how you're feeling. And best be telling him that flirting with other women in public with you right there is NOT okay.
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
Sweetheart... TALK to him!!! Sounds like y'all need some communication!!! And if you can't get y'all in some therapy!!!!
Bored something 1 year ago
As Nichole said talk to him. ASK him how he feels, don't put words in his mouth. He may well find other women attractive but it doesn't have to mean he loves you any less.
RavenCroft 1 year ago
I think you really need to address your self-esteem and self image problems with a licensed therapist as a lot of your concerns that you're bringing up stem from that. You assume that he'd be better off or that he can do better without you, but being married for as long as you have with children, if he wanted to leave he would have by now. You need to take care of your emotional wellbeing and quickly because if it's not addressed it'll ruin your relationship and your life.
Lynne Walker 1 year ago
One of our parish counselors told us that there was nothing wrong with using adult sites before intimacy...and as long as you two are still faithful to each other, let it go. Let's face it: there are images on the internet that are never going to resemble you and what you would ever look like or do, but as fantasy it's perfectly acceptable. But you need to have the conversation with him, to let him know your concerns. There's a chance it's about him, too, and he may also be reluctant to discuss.
ginshun 1 year ago
You need to talk to him. As a man of roughly the same age, and one who has been married for roughly the same amount of time, I would encourage honest and open discussion before you do anything drastic. I suspect this is more about your low self esteem than it is about anything your husband is feeling, but I could be wrong. I do know that a man looking at nudes on the internet in no way means that he does not love and is not attracted to his wife. If him looking at nude women on the internet bothers you, then you need to tell him that specifically. It is very likely not any kind of reflection of his feelings toward you though. Again though, you need to talk to him about it, not take advise from some stranger on the internet.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Oh come on. He's literally telling her he needs more than she can provide to get excited. She isn't enough for him. I am tired of men saying 'It's Normal For Men' when they are hurting their spouses. If it's consensual that's fine, but flirting openly with other women? How much more plainly can he tell her he's bored with her. Why is it always HER INSECURITIES and not his assholery? The first thing you jump to is 'her Low Self Esteem? As always, blame the victim.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
He may surprise you and tell you that he's getting exactly what he wants from the relationship, he may not. We don't all want (or even like) the same shape woman. I wonder, though, whether it's actually you hiding your issues about him? Do you, perhaps, want out because you're not getting what you need, and can't confront your own feelings, so it's easier to do it "for him"? You'd have to talk to a professional about that.
Casuall ️ 1 year ago
Ok bbg! Lemme help you out!! Ok so far lemme. Just say I love you 💕 . It takes a lot to go out there and ask like that so period boo 👻 and also I think you should try some self-improvement activities. Although this may seem very harsh, that’s just the reality. You may think I am being harsh but you should try and look good for you, not him. Confidence is Key 🔑 and, you’ll easily gain some afterwards! I recommend not going to friends and family, because the truth is they will sugarcoat everything, leaving the actual honesty aside. but you should also know that your husband sounds like a 🥷, and doesn’t deserve you. Beauty isn’t everything! But I DO think you should talk to him about this ⛅️.ps I’m only 13 so it’s ok if you ignore this comment I love you💗and I hope u r ok 👌🏾 💋
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
For a 13-year-old, your comments are quite astute.
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
Honey, you need a conversation with a professional. Number One: you need to love and respect yourself. Number Two: if you are leaving him, it should be FOR YOU, not doing him "a favor." Number Three: TALK TO HIM. Tell him how you're feeling. And best be telling him that flirting with other women in public with you right there is NOT okay.
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