“I Don’t Think Our Relationship Can Recover From This”: Mom Sends Son Away After He Exposes Sister’s Secret To Entire School
Parenting involves making many tough decisions. And unfortunately, it seems like these choices only become more and more challenging up until a child’s 18th birthday.
One mother recently detailed on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit her struggle in deciding how to punish her teenage son for traumatizing his younger sister. So below, you’ll find the full, heartbreaking story, as well as some of the replies concerned readers have shared.
This mother’s teenage son revealed a traumatizing secret about his sister to all of his friends
Image credits: Kate Williams ( not the actual photo)
Now, she’s wondering if sending him to live with her parents is an appropriate punishment
Image credits: Jhoondias ( not the actual photo)
Image credits: Baylee Gramling ( not the actual photo)
Later, the mother noted that she hasn’t been in contact with her son
Some harmless teasing among siblings is perfectly normal
Image credits: Ron Lach ( not the actual photo)
Siblings are known for teasing one another. They might come up with less-than-flattering nicknames or poke fun at each other when playing games, and there’s usually nothing for parents to worry about. In fact, teasing can even be a way for siblings to strengthen bonds. But most brothers and sisters also understand that only they are allowed to do the teasing. If anyone else in the world tries to pick on their sibling, they might aggressively defend them and protect their family member. So it’s heartbreaking to hear that this brother actually encouraged terrible treatment of his sister. There is a significant difference between harmless sibling teasing, such as playing small pranks on one another, and actual bullying.
Bullying is an extremely serious concern for children of all ages, but especially for teenagers. StopBullying.gov notes that victims of bullying may experience “depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy.” Kids who are bullied are also likely to miss, skip or drop out of school, and are more likely to retaliate with violence such as school shootings. But often, those who are bullied take out their fear and sadness on themselves, often leading to self-harming behaviors, and sometimes even suicide. Victims of bullying are between 2 and 9 times more likely to consider suicide, and over 14% of all high school students have considered ending their lives.
But once teasing turns into bullying, parents should be quick to intervene
So how do parents know when one child’s teasing has crossed into dangerous, bullying territory? According to Kim Blackham, LMFT, siblings are often able to get away with behavior that would not be acceptable among peers, in school for example. But it’s important that home is a safe and accepting place for everyone, especially those who experience any form of bullying outside of the home. “Sometimes it’s hard to see the real consequence of teasing,” Blackham told She Knows. “When being teased, most people will laugh it off or go along with the joke so as to not be further embarrassed by it. In reality, those comments may be leaving scars that exist for a lifetime.”
So it’s important for parents to prioritize protecting their children and nurturing a safe and empathetic home environment. Katie Hurley, LCSW, also says that it’s important for parents to try to get to the bottom of where their children’s teasing behavior is coming from. “Nine times out of 10, there is some feeling lurking beneath the teasing, and jealousy is often the cause,” Hurley told She Knows. “When parents take the time to process these feelings with the kids, they teach kids how to interact in a more adaptive manner so that they don’t approach new friendships in the same way.”
It’s important for parents to foster a safe and accepting home environment
Image credits: Gustavo Fring ( not the actual photo)
Amy McCready, author of the parenting guide If I Have to Tell You One More Time, told TODAY that it’s often difficult for parents to acknowledge that there is bullying taking place in their home, but it’s an important first step in keeping their kids safe. McCready also explains that parents might unknowingly contributing to the problem, by fostering a victim-and-aggressor mentality between their children. She recommends teaching the bullied child powerful words, such as, “Stop now!” And the bully should always have to make it right with an act of kindness, rather than a simple, “I’m sorry.” Parents can provide constructive and safe ways for their children to let out their pent-up energy, such as playing sports, and she notes that it can be helpful to let them weigh in on family decisions.
“The more you can put the responsibility in their hands to come up with a solution, the more they’re going to buy into it and the more invested they’re going to be,” McCready says. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother is making the right decision by sending her son away? Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing bullying, look no further than right here.
Readers warned the mother that sending her son away permanently might be a mistake, noting that he needs his parents right now too
The son is little sh*t and I think it's understandable to send him to the grandparents for a couple of days to get some space and let things settle a bit. But you can't just decide when something bad happens that you are not longer the parent and don't need to try to deal with it. Also very unfair on the grandparents to just dump her son with them and expect them to effectively finish raising him, and take on the additional work and financial impact
Yeah the son sucked for sure. But now he will have psychological issues because his mother is acting like she no longer loves him. And why are the girls friends acting like this? This is way over the top. I kind of feel like the op is exaggerating. No way are all her close friends doing this. Maybe if the op didn't keep everything so secretive all the time things would not get so bad. Why did she keep what happened a secret from the grandparents?? Something smells fishy here. I feel like the op may be controlling these kids too much and the son may have dodged a bullet getting away from her. Yes what he did was AWFUL. But what the op is doing to him long term is worse. Therapy all around for this family, pronto. Edit: mom is a drama queen
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It is disturbing that he does not recognize the harm he's done, especially after the treatment she's received from her classmates (this also makes me wonder if they actually had the good relationship before this that the mother claims). They need to continue protecting her and holding him accountable, but they can't solve this by disowning him. He needs therapy--the whole family does.
I agree. At the same time though, I really doubt whether therapy will result in a happy family again. My gut feeling is that there is quite a bit more going on that meets the eye. The mother's reaction, though understandable, seems, especially when it looks like her son won't be welcome back again, a bit over the top, which makes me think events triggered something in her that goes beyond this single incident. That a 16-year old doesn't understand what he had done wrong is very disturbing. In other words, I think there is a lot more going on than meets the eye.
Load More Replies... The son was an AH, the parents are AH for disowning him effectively. However, I would question the daughter's therapy and whether it's working if it's been 6 years and she seems to be showing no progress
Easy answer: if you send your child or teenager in therapy but you as a parent don't go it can't work by principle. The parents still have a too big role in the life of their kids, so they need be a better role model, a therapist can help them to be that but can't do their job.
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I don't know. This is the sort of thing that leads to teen suicide. Like, I have deep concerns over her long term mental health as a result of this. He'll never get this. I get that OP's reaction is extreme, but she needs to protect her daughter far more than she needs to protect her son. She found a safe space for her son. Now she needs space to focus on her daughter. I lean towards NTA here.
The son may kill himself as well considering he was thrown away like a sack of trash as soon as he made a mistake
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Whole lot of people on here thinking this girl should continue live with the person who betrayed her so badly, and seemingly without remorse.
THANK YOU ............ NOBODY HERE seems to be giving a shìt about what it would be like from HER perspective ...... WTF
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"He should be punished, but to cut him out completely is horribly wrong." Like the way the daughter is cut from having a normal life until she move out of town? I see very little support for the girl. Loosing your teeth at such a young age is traumatising, yet nobody seems to care, even accusing her of not being normal after years of therapy, or even claiming she is the favourite child, with a shadow of proofs... People are so quick to judge. This thing just happen, parents are disgusted, we'll see in a few weeks how it goes. The situation is still fresh, and frankly nobody really know the dynamic of the family, so just chill with accusations. Destroying the social life of a teenagers is very high on the vile crime list in my opinion. Military college would have been a good choice.
No. He made a mistake like most kids do. To disown your child becauseof that means you shouldnt have kids. And Military school is never an answer for anything.
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All these YTA are idiots. One question, do you think the daughter can ever live in the same house as the son again without risking her mental health?
I agree. Not a fan of alienating the son, but NOBODY seems to be looking through HER eyes....... Maybe some folks could comment on wtf they might do that would adequately offer HER some safety???
Load More Replies... The 16yo knew exactly what he was doing. Having had siblings and knowing how petty they can be, I almost guarantee that sister had píssed off brother and he thought this would be a good way to get back at her.
Ok....I speak from experience as my adoptive family disowned me. Kids can can be vile and horrible. Kids are wired that they don't know of the consequences of their actions (it's scientifically proven). Yes, what he did was awful but to disown him on the basis on a stupid, stupid, stupid act isn't warranted. Yes, you have every right to be angry and upset and yes there will be healing to be done and the scars will show but this lad will learn a very important life lesson. If you do decide to disown him you've got to understand that will be it, he'll be very p*ssed for a short while but he'll carry anger and resentment towards you for the rest of his life......and you'll feel it. I was kicked out by adoptive parents at 16 as I smoked weed and was a klepto. I was forced to live in a hostel (homeless shelter) and I never looked back. I heard through the grape vine that my adoptive family was torn apart and my 'parents' split up. Haven't spoken in 17yrs.
Oh God I hurt reading this. I would stand by my kids no matter what terrible mistake they made. You're mistakes seems slightly, Jesus what an overreaction. I how you found happiness and freedom. I'm sure that hurt you deeply and you may never fully recover, deep in your soul. You're parents really screwed up doing what they did. When I got caught doing exactly what you did, I got a month grounding. My dad laughed and said he'd have only given me 2 was, but I screwed up, let my mom catch me. His funny #1 rule was always "don't get caught", then he'd wink and laugh and laugh. I'm sorry your parents weren't there for you. I really hope that despite this, you have an amazing life, and love every moment of it!
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NTA. The daughter should not be forced to live together with him after that. Protecting the victim is the prority here. Hate and the danger of revenge or violence would be a bad home for all of them. He is the perpetrator and is old enough to live in a boarding school, so why not at his grandparents. I would forgive him as soon as the daughter can forgive him. It would be different if the boy would be 10yo.
1/2: Certainly I think anyone wants to protect a victim. Removing a child from their home for being a perpetrator of an attack on a sibling seems appropriate if that attack is physical, with the intent to seriously injure or kill another (not like a mutually scuffle, but an unprovoked attack causing or possibly causing, if not stopped, critical injuries or death). Or if one sibling is sexual predator who has, or would if not stopped, molested or raped a sibling. Stuff like that. The same things a judge would lock you up for if committed against a person outside your family. In this case, the perpetrator intentionally humiliated a sibling. I understand how humiliated she is and how violated she felt havibg been filmed. It was a targeted, cruel humiliation, requiring serious correction by the parents. But what if the same level of humiliation had been achieved by simply telling all his classmates that his sister did something or was something incredibly embarrassing. Continued...
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She overreacted, and at some point she is going to have to clam down and actually talk to her son, but on the other hand I have to say that him not coming home for a very long while is warranted because there's no way his sister is going to feel safe having him around, at least not for the time being, and until that changes him living with his grandparents is not so much a form of punishment as a natural consequence of his actions. The daughter is going to be dealing with the trauma for a very long time, and the last thing she needs is to have him shoved down her throat. If he had filmed her changing her clothes, or taking a shower, and he had shared that video, would those who say 'you don't throw a kid out' still be advocating for him to come home? Because from her perspective what her brother did was a lot worse than that.
You're 100% right. He's more a grown man than a little boy. Can't understand why most commenters prefer the perpentator over the much younger victim. As a parent I'd do nearly the same thing. I'd kick him out of the house, too, but not out of my life or disown him.
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yeah i would also 100% disown a child if they did this and didn't even show remorse at all. f that. he can f himself and his "funny pranks". there are lines you never cross and the parents have the right to not want to see him right now. he's literally driving his own sister to suicide. i actually like that he's feeling abandoned now and he's away from his safe space. good. his sister was not only abandoned by her friends but also humiliated by most people she knows and that video will ALWAYS exist out there. i would not have a brother after this. i don't care how cruel y'all say this is but i grew up with 3 siblings and 4 cousins close in age and we NEVER even thought of doing something as horrible as this. f that guy honestly
Like one of the comments said it sounds like she is definitely the favorite. Which probably means she gets treated better. That could be the reason he lashed out. No, what he did definitely wasn't right but she's acting like he killed her or something. She's definitely overreacting. You can't just kick your child out over something like this. That's messed up
Agreed. Definitely an ESH. Yes the son was horrible for doing what he did but OP shouldn't have basically disowned him. And I'm also getting major favoritism vibes from OP.
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NTA because the kid doesn't believe what he did was wrong and your daughter seems to be in the worst possible situation right now but please please pay the grandparents
How did the son record the daughter when OP says she won't do it in front of them - sounds like a spy cam maybe? If so, it would likely be in the bathroom or her bedroom in that case. Either way, recording a girl in her (anyones!) most private moments is so vile, and a 16yo damn well knows that. This has notes of resentment to me. Too hard to know the whole picture without hours of therapy. I hope they all overcome and recover from this to be a family again.
As a victim of a s****y brother I'm Team Daughter. For her sake she needs to own her false teeth. No one can shame you when you openly own it. Also, I dispute that things were fine before he did this. I think the parents just didn't notice or ignored the bad behaviour. You don't go from zero to intentional public humiliation in one sitting. That they ignored it is probably the reason for this episode, they have raised a narcissist desperate to be seen. I bet this weird gum thing got the daughter a lot of attention, they are close in age so he would have resented it and told himself a story about it. I agree with everyone that they all need to go to counselling. Rejecting the bad parts of yourself is a recipe for a shadow running amok and this is what we are seeing here. Bad teeth, bad son, criminally low self esteem...
A little girl' theeth,probably face was disfigured (having no teeth changes your face,not for the better,and she needed extra treatment even to make her be able to have the dentures)at a very young age,causing psychological demage. She was very clear about it to her family that she wants to keep this a secret!It was her secret,not the brother's. Who can be so cruel to make such a secret, that already was a heavy weight to carry for the sis, to make it public? Why, for what reason?A secret like this to come out made her feel l, violated,embarrassed, humiliated beyond words.How can a brother think for a split second to share a 14 year olds secret with everyone would be a "funny" thing? Why I emphasize the impact so much is because kids kill themselves for much less. For bad grades, or being bullied like she is.And he did it on purpose!He's 16, not an adult, but not a child anymore, and it says he still doesn't get it why it's not funny
Where do these people live that even though the daughter survived a devastating infection, and was able to replace having no teeth, that her so called friends made fun of her because at 16 she's wearing dentures? The parents disown the son, the daughter is still traumatized and the son doesn't seem to take it seriously. Everyone is a bit messed up in this family!
I’m a bit confused too, it sounds like a completely outlandish scenario all over.
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So many people talking about how they "disowned" him. No, they seperated him from his victim who he had now traumatized to the point SHE can't have peace, friends or school, yet he has still been going to school like nothings wrong. What are they supposed to do, let him back into the house with his sister who he takes secret videos of and spreads around for...what exactly other than to torment her is unclear. This is literally sociopathic behavior. I agree, he shouldn't be with his grandparents, he should be in a clinic or somewhere getting therapy at least, but NOT right back in the same house with his victim. The parents can't possibly monitor them every minute and she would be under constant torment waiting for what's next. They are choosing to protect her, the victim here, and seperate him, the perpetrator. That isn't playing favorites. At worst, it's triage
Well, I suppose I should thank you. I've spent 30 years working with children and families. Parents like you keep me employed. Your son is 16 years old. At this age boys often lack empathy or the maturity to understand how breaking a confidence might cause harm. In short they be complete jerks. Yes, what your son did was terrible. I sympathize with your daughter 100% because I too was the object of cruel taunting in school. BUT you are inflicting more harm on both your children by your actions. If your goal is to ensure that both your children mature into healthy and stable adulthood, then I urge you to enter family-centered therapy asap. Your cold rejection of your son will leave lasting scars for BOTH children. This rejection will do nothing to help your daughter mature into the emotionally healthy woman you may wish her to become.
I don't agree with the punishment of disowning him at all. It's human to make mistakes. The way social media is these days I'm sure that seemed like an awesome prank to play to get views/attention. Ask yourself, why would he all the sudden want to hurt his sister this way? Revenge? Attention? There's something underneath those actions. I'm not saying what he did was okay but ffs he's your child!! I think everyone needs some therapy!!
A MISTAKE?! HE PURPOSELY SENT IT TO PEOPLE TO GET HER BULLIED AND YOU CALL THAT A MISTAKE??!!
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As someone with an older brother that I never got along with...I can say that resentment between the 2 will probably never go away. Therapy may help with civility, but they'll never be close. What he did was unforgivable, and I doubt OP will ever feel the same about him again. He has no remorse. That's the worrying part. At 16, he knows full well what he did was wrong, another deep dive into therapy would help.
Well. He doesn’t SHOW remorse. Not always the same thing, especially not with kids that age. Hard to know for sure.
Load More Replies... This a sign of conditional love. It's extremely damaging and possibly traumatic for a kid to be abandoned by their parents. I know what he did was horrible, but you have to love both children. And if you want your daughter to still have a brother you need to show her how to mend relationships and forgive. If you try everything to repair your relationship with the son and he still is an a*****e to everyone, then when he is 18 and/or moved out, you can distance yourself from him, but as he is your child, you cannot abandon him, especially as a teenager. He may grow up and learn what he did was wrong but still resent his family for disowning him. They are creating more damage than he did at this point.
Buddy he wrecked her life for the foreseeable future. People don't just forget this kind of trauma. If he were my brother I wouldn't have a brother anymore. He KNEW she was embarrassed by it. He KNEW it was wrong.
Load More Replies... I'm more concerned about the daughter going back to that school as this type of bullying and gossip does not stop. The son FAFO at 16 he should know better and the cruelty in exposing her like that when he knows she is already in counselling and has serious issues with it? He should be protecting her not this, I just don't care about what it cost him at this point, actions have consequences.
I think the problem is that he and his sister can't live together as it is right now. So this is the solution OP came up with since she can't punish her daughter who is the victim she's punishing her son. It would be a different situation if he understood what he did, but he's 16 which is almost an adult all be it also an age when you're a complete idiot who think you're old enough to know everything. Even so he's too old to not have any remorse over what he did, even if he thinks it's funny he should be able to realize that it's wrong based on his sister's reaction. It shouldn't be a permanent solution and his parents should visit him as often as possible to show that they still love him and he should get put into therapy both alone and with his sister asap.
There is more to this story. The obviously don't like the son, and this is just a reason to get rid of him. Helicopter parents of the girl, I'd say. He's probably better off with the grands.
I can just tell you're a male worshipper and hate other women. Kids a demon
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Show me who your favorite child is without telling me who your favorite child is.
I think the damage could have been prevented if the daughter wasn't raised to be ashamed of her dentures. It's a prosthetic. That it's more common than a prosthetic for a limb doesn't change that it's a prosthetic. OP did daughter a major disservice by teaching her that it's something to be ashamed of. Imagine if the daughter had always been raised to just say, "yeah, I was really sick when I was little and had damage to my jaw and teeth from the infection, and they had to remove all the teeth or I'd have died. " and then moved on to the next topic because it was no big deal. But no. OP has raised her to be ashamed of it. OP has practically disowned her other child. OP is not a good parent.
So much this. The child was young enough when it happened that her parents could have easily helped her shape a more positive attitude about it. Instead, they coddled and possibly encouraged her shame. Bad choice.
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(1/3) NTA. Your Son is TA. Separating the son and daughter is a good job, at least for the time being. The daughter, who now has a vulnerable mentality, should not meet her brother, the cause of her emotional/mental damage. It would be unsafe for both the daughter and son. For one, the daughter might commit if she has to face her brother and see as he lives his life with little to no damage while she has to suffer so much. Or two, she might develop an extreme hate for her brother and try to assault him, attempting to hurt/kill him. As a female teenager, if I was in the daughter's place I would be overwhelmed with thoughts of death and wanting to kill everyone (especially the brother) (including myself). The best option is to send the son to a boarding military school and let him be 'rectified' there by the strict rules. Tbh, if he weren't her brother, everyone would have asked for harsher punishment.
(2/3) Also it's not like the mother is kicking her son out and she's never going to forgive him. If the daughter forgives him then she will as well. And the mother is still probably going to support the son financially. The fact that people are even calling the daughter the 'fav child's for this. It's not a fav child thing. Both the daughter and son are teenagers. The son even turns an adult in 2 years. There is no way he doesn't understand the consequences of his actions. If he doesn't then he's either too coddled or too dumb. The daughter didn't only get her social life destroyed but she got several harassing texts and basically got bullied. Compared to the son, the daughter is even younger and having to face that much bullying from the entire school just because of something you had no control or choice over must be terrible. It's already bad enough she got the disease/infection when she was 8, now she also has to face all this.
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1. What the son did was bullying. Saying it was a "joke" and he thought it would be funny is just "gaslighting". Yes, they did go wrong with him. He lacks compassion. 2. The way to handle this ISN'T sending your child away, but being a parent and talking to them, and finding a way for him to make up for it. He needs to take an action that shows he understands that what he did was wrong. 3. This girl had this problem when she was much younger. The parents had a responsibility to help their daughter develop and healthy attitude towards what happened. THEIR attitude is reflected in the daughter's self-horror. This is what I'm most concerned about: their daughter has not accepted her condition in a healthy way, and this partly contributed to the power the son had over her in his cruelty. It seems to me that the parents failed to teach compassion to either of them.
He can't make up for it and sociopaths can't be helped.
Load More Replies... These parents failed both kids so badly. An 8 year old kid is still plenty young to accept the way she looks and not feel so self conscious about it. Just sending her to therapy is not the way to go. Her parents have taught her to be ashamed and to hide it at all cost, because they felt it was the worst thing that could happen to a girl. And while fussing over her they probably also ignored their son. No wonder he lashed out. Yes what he did was horrible, but I'm betting there's way more to this story. Either way I feel bad for both kids. Sending the son away for the rest of his life instead of parenting him is telling to say the least.
Lyenne, I agree with you that the parents could and should have done a whole lot more to help her shape a better attitude about what happened. They've coddled her shame and let her wallow in it, which made things far worse. The therapist obviously sucks because a decent one would have helped her come to terms with the teeth and learn to be unashamed of them. It's no different than having a prosthetic leg or something. "Yeah, I had a medical issue and now I have fake teeth. No big deal." It's horrid that the kids were bullying her. It's horrid that the brother did what he did. But the parents made the first mistake by not helping their daughter not be ashamed of a medical issue. Eight-year-olds are easy to influence.
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Well, sheesh. Parents need to actually parent instead of giving up. Yeah, the relationship with the siblings is severely damaged now and may never recover. You have to parent through that. I think the mom is worried that if she doesn’t go nuclear on the son she’ll lose the daughter too, but that’s letting the 14 yo run how you parent. Get both family and individual counseling. Consider moving maybe? It seems like the daughter could use a school switch and a fresh start herself. But parents are handling this completely inappropriately. It doesn’t even sound like they’ve talked to him much. It’s almost like they discussed it one time, he said he thought it’d be funny, then they got mad and banished him. Like, what? Are you incapable of talking to him more? Literally ESH in this situation and the kids are both going to get punished for your s**t parenting.
yes, son is an a-hole. yes, sister devastated. all kids can be a-holes w/this kind of info. it may take time and while they may never be close they can mend the relationship between them. but, for mom to send him away (to me) seems that she made it easy to let him off the hook. new school, new friends = no accountability. plus a ruptured relationship w/parents. yes, send him away for a couple of weeks so things can cool down but not permanent. as for daughter, she learned those "friends" that mocked her weren't friends. it's not easy to accept dentures at any age. and my son was just 19 when he was in a car accident. face hit the steering wheel, knocked out all his teeth not to mention literally flattening his nose. it was difficult for him& he did take some ribbing from his friends. but, sad to say, girls handle things differently & rightly so bc of so much social/peer pressure of what is so called normal.
Son was an absolute POS and really needs be made to understand the gravity of what he did - something I'm not convinced the average 14 year old would have thought about. The parents are effectively disowning their son and that's in my view incredibly disproportionate. If that had happened with my kids, there would have been big consequences for the son but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to disown him.
So I was bullied a lot by one of my younger brothers. Not little stuff either. Blowing up my pet goldfish from a bottle rocket. Spreading lies about me to our parents and in school. Lying to me about what our parents say or think about me. My parents did nothing. “That’s just him”. “He thinks it’s funny”. “It’s completely harmless”. “Grow up, you’re older than him!”. I’m in my ‘40’s and I still have a ton of issues and he died from substance abuse. I can’t change my childhood but it made me a better parent. I do and would never allow that. I don’t blame you for kicking him out. I just hope you all can recover eventually and maybe he can come back
Why don't all yall ask 1 important question? Why all of a sudden would the older brother who is 16 he should be alone more mature than a 10 year old. Why now would he record it and show it to HER friends? He is 16 hormones he probably is not all that properly he sees her 14 year old friends, that's a great age 16 and 14 he probably like one and decided to show off. Now she has no friends, she can't go to school and be normal and you think he still should be allow to walk around that school where people is patting him on his back for what he did. Him probably hooking up with one of her ex friends. Come on now, he just stopped his sisters life. She's 14 right now she feels like she has nothing to live for. If that was my kids I would have did the same. What if they let him back in and the daughter takes her own life. Trust me when I say if that was my child and it happens like that I will take my son out of here. He was that juvenile to tear down his own sister and tells his parents and
Grandparents he thought it would be funny. It what world did he think this his own 16 year old selfish world. If he's 16 acting like this than there's no hope in the world he will mature in any years to come. You made have hope in his 30's. At that age there's no way he should be targeting his sister now.
Load More Replies... For those who are saying they kicked him out. Actually they did not they sent him with her parents and that's nice because me personally I would have sent him to a boot camp. The little creep still does not feel like he did anything wrong. Sorry a couple of days will not fix that. His sister is hurting bad and if she sees him she might end her own life. Do anybody get that he is a bully. He doesnt think he did anything wrong. He will keep telling her its nothing get over it. I am sorry but they did the best thing to dave their daughters life. Bullying is big and it leads to suicide. So sorry that you are not looking at the bigger picture but thinking that they choose to no longer to be his parents is crazy. To protect their daughter and to keep him safe because trust me watching your child not wanting to live will take a lot out of you not to end the life of the person who cause the pain. Especially when it's your own and I know they raised him better than that. But he basically said h
He didn't care about them nor do he care about his sister. He's selfish and trust me that's going to take time to heal from. So they are doing the right thing. Right now he needs to be gone, if your child got bully at school and the people at school started and they shut down what do you do? You remove your child out of the area where the bullying is going on and you support them. Well since the 16 year old older brother did it remove him from the situation. He is supposed to protect his sister. Ragging on a sister is what younger brothers does not older ones. He had a reason why he did it I am sure of it, and not because he thought it was funny.
Load More Replies... The vile woman. Kicks her son out. Q: daughter lost teeth in both sets??? Huh???? Thank god the son was sent to intelligent grandparents. The op can't type an intelligent post
I'm in the minority, but I would have done the same. And since he still thinks that it was simply, "just funny " the kids likely a sociopath, a lot of males are. Girls and women don't get protected enough from the evils of men. I'll be damned if I let my own son terrorize his own sister as such. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Kids have killed at younger ages than this and tried as adults. He knew. He's just a sociopath.
I disagree with most of the the esh votes because only one of those votes pointed out that the daughter was the exception in the vote. Why do ppl insist on making a blanket vote on everyone? The daughter was traumatized and mad at her brother so she sucks for that? No the ones who vote esh except the daughter suck!
I don’t even know where to start to have an opinion here. The situation is so outlandish that I just get overwhelmed with weird.
This boy takes pictures of a younger girl attending to her personal hygiene & shows them to his male friends for kicks. Send him to a hard knock juvenal correction camp for perverts; the grandparents are too good for him!
Send him to military school. He’s the devil spawn. As for your daughter. She doesn’t deserve this and my heart breaks for her. Sending her to the same school seems like punishment for her as well. Can she find a new school so she’s not humiliated?
I don't feel like they're disowning him. They're removing him from her home to take care of the daughter The 16 y o is an AH. He knew what he was doing would hurt his sister. And he somehow got a video of her removing her dentures. How vile is that? He knew she was in therapy for the trauma of having dentures at such a young age - if my 16 y o had done that to his 14 y o I would have removed him from the home. I also think the 14y o The 14 y o needs to be stronger about her differences
Wow, disowning your own kid because of that? I'm thinking you probably would disown a 16yr old if they shot or killed someone but for this? This whole family needs therapy. The mother needs to talk to someone about how she hates her son so much she's willing to never see him again for doing something cruel but survivable to his sister. I mean, many people have stories to tell about horrible siblings. She should maybe focus on putting her daughter in another school and having words with the parents of her daughters friends. They are all the real arseholes here for treating her like that over teeth??
YTA You don't abandon your children when they obviously need you the most. I'm guessing you yourselves are very very young as well.
And remember, bits and bytes live forever. That vid is out there and always will be.
I feel that your son does need to suffer consequences from his actions. However, I don't think kicking him out of the house, with no contact, no support, no anything is a bit excessive. Kids are dumb. They do.not think through to rationalize or realize the effects of what they do. Their brains are not yet developed enough. As parents, it is your job to teach him and guide him into becoming a compassionate, considerate adult. Scoring your child is going to cause a lot more damage to him than he caused to his sister. She's still developing in her own right. Not to downplay her trauma, but teenagers are shallow people. As they age, it will occur to them that this was a medical problem that couldn't be avoided. Please, please, please do not turn your back on your son.
"Put in care"? As in foster care? I think it's illegal to abandoned a child after they're past the safe infant abandonment period allowed at fire stations or police stations. Right? Kids are put in care because parents lose parental rights, not because parents don't want them.
Load More Replies... I checked the OP's account at Reddit and saw it had been suspended. A deceitful troll posting fiction, perhaps?
No. Reddit gets rid of posts for not being entertaining enough, not for being fake.
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16 year old boys, man, if there’s a bad decision to be made, they’ll find a way to make it. After everyone cools off, it’s time for you to get professional family counselling for your whole family.
It is over the top to personally disown a child bc of this. It almost feels like mom has no love for him.
I dont understand why the parents didnt send the daughter to the granparents. That way she gets a break from the bullying and the parents can work with the son to figure things out
Victim is not the one that should be removed from home. Same way with victims of DA, abuser is removed from home not the other way around.
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Considering the harassment your daughter is getting at school, maybe she should stay with her grandparents a while and start again at a different school. You, your husband and son, could then seek a family counselor to find out why he thought what he did was funny
That’s just siblings, they can be horrible to each other, but now she knows her friends were fake. Mind you, it’s very unusual for a young person to have false teeth, it’s not surprising they made jokes about it. Similar thing happened to me when I lost a tooth and had to wear a plate until I got implants. I was in my 30’s. A few people make nasty jokes about it. It was embarrassing I suppose.
It's easy to see who the favorite child is. Tell me, did your son get any counseling? He lost his parents when his sister got sick. His world got turned upside down. It's not your daughter's fault, but I understand him having resentments. Get your kid home and start being a parent to both of them!
true, but we still don't know what's your point in this situation. 100% useless comment.
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I see that you know nothing about the psyche of a child and so I hope you'll never have own children. With your insensitive comment I see yourself in a very right wing corner.
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The son is little sh*t and I think it's understandable to send him to the grandparents for a couple of days to get some space and let things settle a bit. But you can't just decide when something bad happens that you are not longer the parent and don't need to try to deal with it. Also very unfair on the grandparents to just dump her son with them and expect them to effectively finish raising him, and take on the additional work and financial impact
Yeah the son sucked for sure. But now he will have psychological issues because his mother is acting like she no longer loves him. And why are the girls friends acting like this? This is way over the top. I kind of feel like the op is exaggerating. No way are all her close friends doing this. Maybe if the op didn't keep everything so secretive all the time things would not get so bad. Why did she keep what happened a secret from the grandparents?? Something smells fishy here. I feel like the op may be controlling these kids too much and the son may have dodged a bullet getting away from her. Yes what he did was AWFUL. But what the op is doing to him long term is worse. Therapy all around for this family, pronto. Edit: mom is a drama queen
Load More Replies... It is disturbing that he does not recognize the harm he's done, especially after the treatment she's received from her classmates (this also makes me wonder if they actually had the good relationship before this that the mother claims). They need to continue protecting her and holding him accountable, but they can't solve this by disowning him. He needs therapy--the whole family does.
I agree. At the same time though, I really doubt whether therapy will result in a happy family again. My gut feeling is that there is quite a bit more going on that meets the eye. The mother's reaction, though understandable, seems, especially when it looks like her son won't be welcome back again, a bit over the top, which makes me think events triggered something in her that goes beyond this single incident. That a 16-year old doesn't understand what he had done wrong is very disturbing. In other words, I think there is a lot more going on than meets the eye.
Load More Replies... The son was an AH, the parents are AH for disowning him effectively. However, I would question the daughter's therapy and whether it's working if it's been 6 years and she seems to be showing no progress
Easy answer: if you send your child or teenager in therapy but you as a parent don't go it can't work by principle. The parents still have a too big role in the life of their kids, so they need be a better role model, a therapist can help them to be that but can't do their job.
Load More Replies... I don't know. This is the sort of thing that leads to teen suicide. Like, I have deep concerns over her long term mental health as a result of this. He'll never get this. I get that OP's reaction is extreme, but she needs to protect her daughter far more than she needs to protect her son. She found a safe space for her son. Now she needs space to focus on her daughter. I lean towards NTA here.
The son may kill himself as well considering he was thrown away like a sack of trash as soon as he made a mistake
Load More Replies... Whole lot of people on here thinking this girl should continue live with the person who betrayed her so badly, and seemingly without remorse.
THANK YOU ............ NOBODY HERE seems to be giving a shìt about what it would be like from HER perspective ...... WTF
Load More Replies... "He should be punished, but to cut him out completely is horribly wrong." Like the way the daughter is cut from having a normal life until she move out of town? I see very little support for the girl. Loosing your teeth at such a young age is traumatising, yet nobody seems to care, even accusing her of not being normal after years of therapy, or even claiming she is the favourite child, with a shadow of proofs... People are so quick to judge. This thing just happen, parents are disgusted, we'll see in a few weeks how it goes. The situation is still fresh, and frankly nobody really know the dynamic of the family, so just chill with accusations. Destroying the social life of a teenagers is very high on the vile crime list in my opinion. Military college would have been a good choice.
No. He made a mistake like most kids do. To disown your child becauseof that means you shouldnt have kids. And Military school is never an answer for anything.
Load More Replies... All these YTA are idiots. One question, do you think the daughter can ever live in the same house as the son again without risking her mental health?
I agree. Not a fan of alienating the son, but NOBODY seems to be looking through HER eyes....... Maybe some folks could comment on wtf they might do that would adequately offer HER some safety???
Load More Replies... The 16yo knew exactly what he was doing. Having had siblings and knowing how petty they can be, I almost guarantee that sister had píssed off brother and he thought this would be a good way to get back at her.
Ok....I speak from experience as my adoptive family disowned me. Kids can can be vile and horrible. Kids are wired that they don't know of the consequences of their actions (it's scientifically proven). Yes, what he did was awful but to disown him on the basis on a stupid, stupid, stupid act isn't warranted. Yes, you have every right to be angry and upset and yes there will be healing to be done and the scars will show but this lad will learn a very important life lesson. If you do decide to disown him you've got to understand that will be it, he'll be very p*ssed for a short while but he'll carry anger and resentment towards you for the rest of his life......and you'll feel it. I was kicked out by adoptive parents at 16 as I smoked weed and was a klepto. I was forced to live in a hostel (homeless shelter) and I never looked back. I heard through the grape vine that my adoptive family was torn apart and my 'parents' split up. Haven't spoken in 17yrs.
Oh God I hurt reading this. I would stand by my kids no matter what terrible mistake they made. You're mistakes seems slightly, Jesus what an overreaction. I how you found happiness and freedom. I'm sure that hurt you deeply and you may never fully recover, deep in your soul. You're parents really screwed up doing what they did. When I got caught doing exactly what you did, I got a month grounding. My dad laughed and said he'd have only given me 2 was, but I screwed up, let my mom catch me. His funny #1 rule was always "don't get caught", then he'd wink and laugh and laugh. I'm sorry your parents weren't there for you. I really hope that despite this, you have an amazing life, and love every moment of it!
Load More Replies... NTA. The daughter should not be forced to live together with him after that. Protecting the victim is the prority here. Hate and the danger of revenge or violence would be a bad home for all of them. He is the perpetrator and is old enough to live in a boarding school, so why not at his grandparents. I would forgive him as soon as the daughter can forgive him. It would be different if the boy would be 10yo.
1/2: Certainly I think anyone wants to protect a victim. Removing a child from their home for being a perpetrator of an attack on a sibling seems appropriate if that attack is physical, with the intent to seriously injure or kill another (not like a mutually scuffle, but an unprovoked attack causing or possibly causing, if not stopped, critical injuries or death). Or if one sibling is sexual predator who has, or would if not stopped, molested or raped a sibling. Stuff like that. The same things a judge would lock you up for if committed against a person outside your family. In this case, the perpetrator intentionally humiliated a sibling. I understand how humiliated she is and how violated she felt havibg been filmed. It was a targeted, cruel humiliation, requiring serious correction by the parents. But what if the same level of humiliation had been achieved by simply telling all his classmates that his sister did something or was something incredibly embarrassing. Continued...
Load More Replies... She overreacted, and at some point she is going to have to clam down and actually talk to her son, but on the other hand I have to say that him not coming home for a very long while is warranted because there's no way his sister is going to feel safe having him around, at least not for the time being, and until that changes him living with his grandparents is not so much a form of punishment as a natural consequence of his actions. The daughter is going to be dealing with the trauma for a very long time, and the last thing she needs is to have him shoved down her throat. If he had filmed her changing her clothes, or taking a shower, and he had shared that video, would those who say 'you don't throw a kid out' still be advocating for him to come home? Because from her perspective what her brother did was a lot worse than that.
You're 100% right. He's more a grown man than a little boy. Can't understand why most commenters prefer the perpentator over the much younger victim. As a parent I'd do nearly the same thing. I'd kick him out of the house, too, but not out of my life or disown him.
Load More Replies... yeah i would also 100% disown a child if they did this and didn't even show remorse at all. f that. he can f himself and his "funny pranks". there are lines you never cross and the parents have the right to not want to see him right now. he's literally driving his own sister to suicide. i actually like that he's feeling abandoned now and he's away from his safe space. good. his sister was not only abandoned by her friends but also humiliated by most people she knows and that video will ALWAYS exist out there. i would not have a brother after this. i don't care how cruel y'all say this is but i grew up with 3 siblings and 4 cousins close in age and we NEVER even thought of doing something as horrible as this. f that guy honestly
Like one of the comments said it sounds like she is definitely the favorite. Which probably means she gets treated better. That could be the reason he lashed out. No, what he did definitely wasn't right but she's acting like he killed her or something. She's definitely overreacting. You can't just kick your child out over something like this. That's messed up
Agreed. Definitely an ESH. Yes the son was horrible for doing what he did but OP shouldn't have basically disowned him. And I'm also getting major favoritism vibes from OP.
Load More Replies... NTA because the kid doesn't believe what he did was wrong and your daughter seems to be in the worst possible situation right now but please please pay the grandparents
How did the son record the daughter when OP says she won't do it in front of them - sounds like a spy cam maybe? If so, it would likely be in the bathroom or her bedroom in that case. Either way, recording a girl in her (anyones!) most private moments is so vile, and a 16yo damn well knows that. This has notes of resentment to me. Too hard to know the whole picture without hours of therapy. I hope they all overcome and recover from this to be a family again.
As a victim of a s****y brother I'm Team Daughter. For her sake she needs to own her false teeth. No one can shame you when you openly own it. Also, I dispute that things were fine before he did this. I think the parents just didn't notice or ignored the bad behaviour. You don't go from zero to intentional public humiliation in one sitting. That they ignored it is probably the reason for this episode, they have raised a narcissist desperate to be seen. I bet this weird gum thing got the daughter a lot of attention, they are close in age so he would have resented it and told himself a story about it. I agree with everyone that they all need to go to counselling. Rejecting the bad parts of yourself is a recipe for a shadow running amok and this is what we are seeing here. Bad teeth, bad son, criminally low self esteem...
A little girl' theeth,probably face was disfigured (having no teeth changes your face,not for the better,and she needed extra treatment even to make her be able to have the dentures)at a very young age,causing psychological demage. She was very clear about it to her family that she wants to keep this a secret!It was her secret,not the brother's. Who can be so cruel to make such a secret, that already was a heavy weight to carry for the sis, to make it public? Why, for what reason?A secret like this to come out made her feel l, violated,embarrassed, humiliated beyond words.How can a brother think for a split second to share a 14 year olds secret with everyone would be a "funny" thing? Why I emphasize the impact so much is because kids kill themselves for much less. For bad grades, or being bullied like she is.And he did it on purpose!He's 16, not an adult, but not a child anymore, and it says he still doesn't get it why it's not funny
Where do these people live that even though the daughter survived a devastating infection, and was able to replace having no teeth, that her so called friends made fun of her because at 16 she's wearing dentures? The parents disown the son, the daughter is still traumatized and the son doesn't seem to take it seriously. Everyone is a bit messed up in this family!
I’m a bit confused too, it sounds like a completely outlandish scenario all over.
Load More Replies... So many people talking about how they "disowned" him. No, they seperated him from his victim who he had now traumatized to the point SHE can't have peace, friends or school, yet he has still been going to school like nothings wrong. What are they supposed to do, let him back into the house with his sister who he takes secret videos of and spreads around for...what exactly other than to torment her is unclear. This is literally sociopathic behavior. I agree, he shouldn't be with his grandparents, he should be in a clinic or somewhere getting therapy at least, but NOT right back in the same house with his victim. The parents can't possibly monitor them every minute and she would be under constant torment waiting for what's next. They are choosing to protect her, the victim here, and seperate him, the perpetrator. That isn't playing favorites. At worst, it's triage
Well, I suppose I should thank you. I've spent 30 years working with children and families. Parents like you keep me employed. Your son is 16 years old. At this age boys often lack empathy or the maturity to understand how breaking a confidence might cause harm. In short they be complete jerks. Yes, what your son did was terrible. I sympathize with your daughter 100% because I too was the object of cruel taunting in school. BUT you are inflicting more harm on both your children by your actions. If your goal is to ensure that both your children mature into healthy and stable adulthood, then I urge you to enter family-centered therapy asap. Your cold rejection of your son will leave lasting scars for BOTH children. This rejection will do nothing to help your daughter mature into the emotionally healthy woman you may wish her to become.
I don't agree with the punishment of disowning him at all. It's human to make mistakes. The way social media is these days I'm sure that seemed like an awesome prank to play to get views/attention. Ask yourself, why would he all the sudden want to hurt his sister this way? Revenge? Attention? There's something underneath those actions. I'm not saying what he did was okay but ffs he's your child!! I think everyone needs some therapy!!
A MISTAKE?! HE PURPOSELY SENT IT TO PEOPLE TO GET HER BULLIED AND YOU CALL THAT A MISTAKE??!!
Load More Replies... As someone with an older brother that I never got along with...I can say that resentment between the 2 will probably never go away. Therapy may help with civility, but they'll never be close. What he did was unforgivable, and I doubt OP will ever feel the same about him again. He has no remorse. That's the worrying part. At 16, he knows full well what he did was wrong, another deep dive into therapy would help.
Well. He doesn’t SHOW remorse. Not always the same thing, especially not with kids that age. Hard to know for sure.
Load More Replies... This a sign of conditional love. It's extremely damaging and possibly traumatic for a kid to be abandoned by their parents. I know what he did was horrible, but you have to love both children. And if you want your daughter to still have a brother you need to show her how to mend relationships and forgive. If you try everything to repair your relationship with the son and he still is an a*****e to everyone, then when he is 18 and/or moved out, you can distance yourself from him, but as he is your child, you cannot abandon him, especially as a teenager. He may grow up and learn what he did was wrong but still resent his family for disowning him. They are creating more damage than he did at this point.
Buddy he wrecked her life for the foreseeable future. People don't just forget this kind of trauma. If he were my brother I wouldn't have a brother anymore. He KNEW she was embarrassed by it. He KNEW it was wrong.
Load More Replies... I'm more concerned about the daughter going back to that school as this type of bullying and gossip does not stop. The son FAFO at 16 he should know better and the cruelty in exposing her like that when he knows she is already in counselling and has serious issues with it? He should be protecting her not this, I just don't care about what it cost him at this point, actions have consequences.
I think the problem is that he and his sister can't live together as it is right now. So this is the solution OP came up with since she can't punish her daughter who is the victim she's punishing her son. It would be a different situation if he understood what he did, but he's 16 which is almost an adult all be it also an age when you're a complete idiot who think you're old enough to know everything. Even so he's too old to not have any remorse over what he did, even if he thinks it's funny he should be able to realize that it's wrong based on his sister's reaction. It shouldn't be a permanent solution and his parents should visit him as often as possible to show that they still love him and he should get put into therapy both alone and with his sister asap.
There is more to this story. The obviously don't like the son, and this is just a reason to get rid of him. Helicopter parents of the girl, I'd say. He's probably better off with the grands.
I can just tell you're a male worshipper and hate other women. Kids a demon
Load More Replies... Show me who your favorite child is without telling me who your favorite child is.
I think the damage could have been prevented if the daughter wasn't raised to be ashamed of her dentures. It's a prosthetic. That it's more common than a prosthetic for a limb doesn't change that it's a prosthetic. OP did daughter a major disservice by teaching her that it's something to be ashamed of. Imagine if the daughter had always been raised to just say, "yeah, I was really sick when I was little and had damage to my jaw and teeth from the infection, and they had to remove all the teeth or I'd have died. " and then moved on to the next topic because it was no big deal. But no. OP has raised her to be ashamed of it. OP has practically disowned her other child. OP is not a good parent.
So much this. The child was young enough when it happened that her parents could have easily helped her shape a more positive attitude about it. Instead, they coddled and possibly encouraged her shame. Bad choice.
Load More Replies... (1/3) NTA. Your Son is TA. Separating the son and daughter is a good job, at least for the time being. The daughter, who now has a vulnerable mentality, should not meet her brother, the cause of her emotional/mental damage. It would be unsafe for both the daughter and son. For one, the daughter might commit if she has to face her brother and see as he lives his life with little to no damage while she has to suffer so much. Or two, she might develop an extreme hate for her brother and try to assault him, attempting to hurt/kill him. As a female teenager, if I was in the daughter's place I would be overwhelmed with thoughts of death and wanting to kill everyone (especially the brother) (including myself). The best option is to send the son to a boarding military school and let him be 'rectified' there by the strict rules. Tbh, if he weren't her brother, everyone would have asked for harsher punishment.
(2/3) Also it's not like the mother is kicking her son out and she's never going to forgive him. If the daughter forgives him then she will as well. And the mother is still probably going to support the son financially. The fact that people are even calling the daughter the 'fav child's for this. It's not a fav child thing. Both the daughter and son are teenagers. The son even turns an adult in 2 years. There is no way he doesn't understand the consequences of his actions. If he doesn't then he's either too coddled or too dumb. The daughter didn't only get her social life destroyed but she got several harassing texts and basically got bullied. Compared to the son, the daughter is even younger and having to face that much bullying from the entire school just because of something you had no control or choice over must be terrible. It's already bad enough she got the disease/infection when she was 8, now she also has to face all this.
Load More Replies... 1. What the son did was bullying. Saying it was a "joke" and he thought it would be funny is just "gaslighting". Yes, they did go wrong with him. He lacks compassion. 2. The way to handle this ISN'T sending your child away, but being a parent and talking to them, and finding a way for him to make up for it. He needs to take an action that shows he understands that what he did was wrong. 3. This girl had this problem when she was much younger. The parents had a responsibility to help their daughter develop and healthy attitude towards what happened. THEIR attitude is reflected in the daughter's self-horror. This is what I'm most concerned about: their daughter has not accepted her condition in a healthy way, and this partly contributed to the power the son had over her in his cruelty. It seems to me that the parents failed to teach compassion to either of them.
He can't make up for it and sociopaths can't be helped.
Load More Replies... These parents failed both kids so badly. An 8 year old kid is still plenty young to accept the way she looks and not feel so self conscious about it. Just sending her to therapy is not the way to go. Her parents have taught her to be ashamed and to hide it at all cost, because they felt it was the worst thing that could happen to a girl. And while fussing over her they probably also ignored their son. No wonder he lashed out. Yes what he did was horrible, but I'm betting there's way more to this story. Either way I feel bad for both kids. Sending the son away for the rest of his life instead of parenting him is telling to say the least.
Lyenne, I agree with you that the parents could and should have done a whole lot more to help her shape a better attitude about what happened. They've coddled her shame and let her wallow in it, which made things far worse. The therapist obviously sucks because a decent one would have helped her come to terms with the teeth and learn to be unashamed of them. It's no different than having a prosthetic leg or something. "Yeah, I had a medical issue and now I have fake teeth. No big deal." It's horrid that the kids were bullying her. It's horrid that the brother did what he did. But the parents made the first mistake by not helping their daughter not be ashamed of a medical issue. Eight-year-olds are easy to influence.
Load More Replies... Well, sheesh. Parents need to actually parent instead of giving up. Yeah, the relationship with the siblings is severely damaged now and may never recover. You have to parent through that. I think the mom is worried that if she doesn’t go nuclear on the son she’ll lose the daughter too, but that’s letting the 14 yo run how you parent. Get both family and individual counseling. Consider moving maybe? It seems like the daughter could use a school switch and a fresh start herself. But parents are handling this completely inappropriately. It doesn’t even sound like they’ve talked to him much. It’s almost like they discussed it one time, he said he thought it’d be funny, then they got mad and banished him. Like, what? Are you incapable of talking to him more? Literally ESH in this situation and the kids are both going to get punished for your s**t parenting.
yes, son is an a-hole. yes, sister devastated. all kids can be a-holes w/this kind of info. it may take time and while they may never be close they can mend the relationship between them. but, for mom to send him away (to me) seems that she made it easy to let him off the hook. new school, new friends = no accountability. plus a ruptured relationship w/parents. yes, send him away for a couple of weeks so things can cool down but not permanent. as for daughter, she learned those "friends" that mocked her weren't friends. it's not easy to accept dentures at any age. and my son was just 19 when he was in a car accident. face hit the steering wheel, knocked out all his teeth not to mention literally flattening his nose. it was difficult for him& he did take some ribbing from his friends. but, sad to say, girls handle things differently & rightly so bc of so much social/peer pressure of what is so called normal.
Son was an absolute POS and really needs be made to understand the gravity of what he did - something I'm not convinced the average 14 year old would have thought about. The parents are effectively disowning their son and that's in my view incredibly disproportionate. If that had happened with my kids, there would have been big consequences for the son but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to disown him.
So I was bullied a lot by one of my younger brothers. Not little stuff either. Blowing up my pet goldfish from a bottle rocket. Spreading lies about me to our parents and in school. Lying to me about what our parents say or think about me. My parents did nothing. “That’s just him”. “He thinks it’s funny”. “It’s completely harmless”. “Grow up, you’re older than him!”. I’m in my ‘40’s and I still have a ton of issues and he died from substance abuse. I can’t change my childhood but it made me a better parent. I do and would never allow that. I don’t blame you for kicking him out. I just hope you all can recover eventually and maybe he can come back
Why don't all yall ask 1 important question? Why all of a sudden would the older brother who is 16 he should be alone more mature than a 10 year old. Why now would he record it and show it to HER friends? He is 16 hormones he probably is not all that properly he sees her 14 year old friends, that's a great age 16 and 14 he probably like one and decided to show off. Now she has no friends, she can't go to school and be normal and you think he still should be allow to walk around that school where people is patting him on his back for what he did. Him probably hooking up with one of her ex friends. Come on now, he just stopped his sisters life. She's 14 right now she feels like she has nothing to live for. If that was my kids I would have did the same. What if they let him back in and the daughter takes her own life. Trust me when I say if that was my child and it happens like that I will take my son out of here. He was that juvenile to tear down his own sister and tells his parents and
Grandparents he thought it would be funny. It what world did he think this his own 16 year old selfish world. If he's 16 acting like this than there's no hope in the world he will mature in any years to come. You made have hope in his 30's. At that age there's no way he should be targeting his sister now.
Load More Replies... For those who are saying they kicked him out. Actually they did not they sent him with her parents and that's nice because me personally I would have sent him to a boot camp. The little creep still does not feel like he did anything wrong. Sorry a couple of days will not fix that. His sister is hurting bad and if she sees him she might end her own life. Do anybody get that he is a bully. He doesnt think he did anything wrong. He will keep telling her its nothing get over it. I am sorry but they did the best thing to dave their daughters life. Bullying is big and it leads to suicide. So sorry that you are not looking at the bigger picture but thinking that they choose to no longer to be his parents is crazy. To protect their daughter and to keep him safe because trust me watching your child not wanting to live will take a lot out of you not to end the life of the person who cause the pain. Especially when it's your own and I know they raised him better than that. But he basically said h
He didn't care about them nor do he care about his sister. He's selfish and trust me that's going to take time to heal from. So they are doing the right thing. Right now he needs to be gone, if your child got bully at school and the people at school started and they shut down what do you do? You remove your child out of the area where the bullying is going on and you support them. Well since the 16 year old older brother did it remove him from the situation. He is supposed to protect his sister. Ragging on a sister is what younger brothers does not older ones. He had a reason why he did it I am sure of it, and not because he thought it was funny.
Load More Replies... The vile woman. Kicks her son out. Q: daughter lost teeth in both sets??? Huh???? Thank god the son was sent to intelligent grandparents. The op can't type an intelligent post
I'm in the minority, but I would have done the same. And since he still thinks that it was simply, "just funny " the kids likely a sociopath, a lot of males are. Girls and women don't get protected enough from the evils of men. I'll be damned if I let my own son terrorize his own sister as such. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Kids have killed at younger ages than this and tried as adults. He knew. He's just a sociopath.
I disagree with most of the the esh votes because only one of those votes pointed out that the daughter was the exception in the vote. Why do ppl insist on making a blanket vote on everyone? The daughter was traumatized and mad at her brother so she sucks for that? No the ones who vote esh except the daughter suck!
I don’t even know where to start to have an opinion here. The situation is so outlandish that I just get overwhelmed with weird.
This boy takes pictures of a younger girl attending to her personal hygiene & shows them to his male friends for kicks. Send him to a hard knock juvenal correction camp for perverts; the grandparents are too good for him!
Send him to military school. He’s the devil spawn. As for your daughter. She doesn’t deserve this and my heart breaks for her. Sending her to the same school seems like punishment for her as well. Can she find a new school so she’s not humiliated?
I don't feel like they're disowning him. They're removing him from her home to take care of the daughter The 16 y o is an AH. He knew what he was doing would hurt his sister. And he somehow got a video of her removing her dentures. How vile is that? He knew she was in therapy for the trauma of having dentures at such a young age - if my 16 y o had done that to his 14 y o I would have removed him from the home. I also think the 14y o The 14 y o needs to be stronger about her differences
Wow, disowning your own kid because of that? I'm thinking you probably would disown a 16yr old if they shot or killed someone but for this? This whole family needs therapy. The mother needs to talk to someone about how she hates her son so much she's willing to never see him again for doing something cruel but survivable to his sister. I mean, many people have stories to tell about horrible siblings. She should maybe focus on putting her daughter in another school and having words with the parents of her daughters friends. They are all the real arseholes here for treating her like that over teeth??
YTA You don't abandon your children when they obviously need you the most. I'm guessing you yourselves are very very young as well.
And remember, bits and bytes live forever. That vid is out there and always will be.
I feel that your son does need to suffer consequences from his actions. However, I don't think kicking him out of the house, with no contact, no support, no anything is a bit excessive. Kids are dumb. They do.not think through to rationalize or realize the effects of what they do. Their brains are not yet developed enough. As parents, it is your job to teach him and guide him into becoming a compassionate, considerate adult. Scoring your child is going to cause a lot more damage to him than he caused to his sister. She's still developing in her own right. Not to downplay her trauma, but teenagers are shallow people. As they age, it will occur to them that this was a medical problem that couldn't be avoided. Please, please, please do not turn your back on your son.
"Put in care"? As in foster care? I think it's illegal to abandoned a child after they're past the safe infant abandonment period allowed at fire stations or police stations. Right? Kids are put in care because parents lose parental rights, not because parents don't want them.
Load More Replies... I checked the OP's account at Reddit and saw it had been suspended. A deceitful troll posting fiction, perhaps?
No. Reddit gets rid of posts for not being entertaining enough, not for being fake.
Load More Replies... 16 year old boys, man, if there’s a bad decision to be made, they’ll find a way to make it. After everyone cools off, it’s time for you to get professional family counselling for your whole family.
It is over the top to personally disown a child bc of this. It almost feels like mom has no love for him.
I dont understand why the parents didnt send the daughter to the granparents. That way she gets a break from the bullying and the parents can work with the son to figure things out
Victim is not the one that should be removed from home. Same way with victims of DA, abuser is removed from home not the other way around.
Load More Replies... Considering the harassment your daughter is getting at school, maybe she should stay with her grandparents a while and start again at a different school. You, your husband and son, could then seek a family counselor to find out why he thought what he did was funny
That’s just siblings, they can be horrible to each other, but now she knows her friends were fake. Mind you, it’s very unusual for a young person to have false teeth, it’s not surprising they made jokes about it. Similar thing happened to me when I lost a tooth and had to wear a plate until I got implants. I was in my 30’s. A few people make nasty jokes about it. It was embarrassing I suppose.
It's easy to see who the favorite child is. Tell me, did your son get any counseling? He lost his parents when his sister got sick. His world got turned upside down. It's not your daughter's fault, but I understand him having resentments. Get your kid home and start being a parent to both of them!
true, but we still don't know what's your point in this situation. 100% useless comment.
Load More Replies... I see that you know nothing about the psyche of a child and so I hope you'll never have own children. With your insensitive comment I see yourself in a very right wing corner.
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