“I’m Not Gonna Do That”: Person Refuses To Bend Secret Santa Rules At Coworker’s Request

Christmastime is approaching, and so is the Secret Santa draw for many office employees. Some people can’t wait to get into the giving mood; others, not so much. According to one 2021 survey, 79% of Americans dread taking part in their workplace Secret Santa exchange.

One employee wasn’t a fan either, and he came up with a solution: he would buy a gift for someone but didn’t want to be in the recipient pool. However, the coworker organizing the event disagreed and refused to bend the rules. Read on to find out how the office solved this Secret Santa drama.

Two coworkers clashed over one’s participation in the office Secret Santa gift exchange

Image credits: NaturesCharm/Envato (not the actual photo)

He didn’t want to receive a gift himself, but his colleague then banned him from the exchange altogether

Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection/Freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Puzzled_Good_1378

Many workers hate Secret Santa and would like to see it banned

Image credits: cookie_studio/Freepik (not the actual photo)

As a person who loves giving and receiving gifts, my first thought would be: “Who wouldn’t want to get something?” However, when it comes to workplace gift exchanges, many workers are getting fed up.

Some have similar reasoning to what “Trey” does in this story: minimalism is a popular philosophy at the moment, and people want less clutter in their homes. But others don’t like how they or their office gifts are often perceived. In fact, many modern employees dislike Secret Santa because it might make them look ungenerous.

In 2019, 17% of Millennial workers said they had been called stingy in relation to their gift. Because of this shaming, many think that the Secret Santa tradition should be abolished altogether. 20% of employees would prefer if gift exchanges at work weren’t a thing, and 35% would like it if their workplace banned Secret Santa.

Why don’t people like Secret Santa? Well, most either don’t know what to gift or think that the exchanged gifts are a waste of space and a waste of money. In the same 2021 study we cited earlier, people’s attitudes toward Secret Santa gifts were clear: 79% of the respondents said they never know what to get the exchange-ee.

What’s more, 87% re-gift the same thing they got at last year’s Secret Santa. The least appreciated gifts among the respondents were bars of soap, knockoff Chia Pets, and random vegetables.

Some people also hate Secret Santa because of the money aspect. On average, a Secret Santa spends $85 on their gift. A portion of Millennial people in the workforce (26%) have even admitted that they had to dip into their savings to afford their exchange gift.

Participation in Secret Santa is an employee’s choice and should be respected

Image credits: freepic.diller/Freepik (not the actual photo)

There’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting to participate in your office’s Secret Santa exchange. As the expert from Cube HR explains, if an employee doesn’t want to participate in an office gift exchange, there’s nothing an employer can do about it.

However, they do advise having a conversation with that employee and asking them what the bigger issue at hand is. Their reasoning might be more serious than just a simple “I don’t like it.” Perhaps they’re experiencing financial hardship. Others might want to skip the exchange because of cultural or religious reasons.

In more serious cases, an employee might be experiencing bullying from colleagues. The gift might perpetuate that bullying, causing them even more discomfort. “Ultimately, it’s the employee’s choice, and if they decide they don’t want to participate, then that should be respected,” Cube HR’s specialist reiterates.

And some workplaces and people might have learned that lesson. Even in 2022, a consumer survey showed that people are prioritizing gifts for their loved ones. Presents for coworkers and Secret Santa parties were probably less popular than ever, with 49% of Americans planning to skip Secret Santa at their job completely, while only 22% did so in 2023.

Commenters suggested “Trey” ask for donations to a good cause instead of an unwanted gift

Some people understood where “Trey” was coming from, while others thought both colleagues were just overcomplicating the whole thing

Some even blamed the author for being too controlling: “Let it go”

In the end, “Trey” was allowed to participate: “I have asked him to handle the logistics of his gift”

Image credits: MorphoBio/Envato (not the actual photo)

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