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Woman Learns Her Husband Made Her Family Pay For A Cookout They Attended At His ‘Luxurious’ House While Her In-Laws Enjoyed It For Free
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Woman Learns Her Husband Made Her Family Pay For A Cookout They Attended At His ‘Luxurious’ House While Her In-Laws Enjoyed It For Free

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You think you know a person. But then they disrespect your entire family, and the future the two of you swore to share suddenly doesn’t look so promising.

A few days ago, Reddit user Attic-Lights5475 submitted a story to the popular ‘Am I The [Jerk]?’ community, describing a recent barbeque she supposedly threw with her husband.

At first, everything seemed cool and the woman thought people had a nice time but she then learned that her partner demanded her relatives give him $25 each because their home is so luxurious, it’s kind of a “resort.”

His own guests, however, received no such bill.

The woman wanted to remedy the situation and gave everyone their money back but this only made things worse as her husband accused her of disrespecting him. So she asked the internet if it was wrong to do so.

A couple threw a barbeque at their luxurious home and invited their relatives to join

Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)

But the husband decided his wife’s family needed to pay him for the evening



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Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)



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Coming from humble beginnings is not something to be ashamed of. If parents raise their daughter to be a successful and self-aware person and her husband can’t understand that, of course, she can try to teach him about family values, but is that something a married person has to forcefully learn?

“Any time you feel caught between your partner and your family, it can feel uncomfortable and tense, as though you have to choose sides,” Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, told Elite Daily. “It’s easy to get defensive when talking about this subject, so try not to blame your partner and let them know your hopes, goals, and expectations for family gatherings.”

However, your partner also needs to be willing to reach some sort of compromise — especially if they know how important it is to you that they connect with your family on some level.

To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your spouse and your loved ones. “Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see everyone get along and ask your partner how you can help build or improve their relationship with your family,” Burns advised.

Claudia Johnson, licensed marriage and family therapist associate (LMFTA) with the PNW Sex Therapy Collective, told the same publisher that your partner shouldn’t act on their dislike of your family without first discussing it with you. “In a partnership, there’s Partner A and Family A. What happens in that family should be addressed by Partner A. For Family B, [it should be] Partner B,” Johnson explained. “What gets really murky is when Partner A feels the need to resolve something for Partner B that is not respecting their own autonomy, that is not allowing them to be a part of the conversation.”

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The fact that the couple isn’t currently talking to one another is not doing them any good. Every marriage experiences conflict. But when that dispute continues—day after day and week after week—is when real problems occur. This applies to even the small issues. “For example, your day starts with a sense of frustration from something that happened the night before,” Nicole Rainey, licensed mental health counselor and co-owner of Mosaic Creative Counseling, said. “Then, a small conflict over the coffee pot or dishes links that conflict to the next conflict about dinner plans or who is picking the kids up from school.” Before you know it, you and your partner are bickering more often than not, to the point where you don’t even realize where one conflict ends and another begins.

If little things can grow into huge burdens when unresolved, think of the damage this barbeque poses to the relationship.

People think this was not only really inappropriate but that it’s also a huge red flag for the marriage



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beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, honey. Go talk to a divorce lawyer and see just how much of it is "his" house.

bethsito avatar
momincombatboots03 avatar
Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How long did she know/date this guy before marrying him? Either a)She saw red flags prior to getting married and chose to ignore them, b)He's an extremely good actor & she had no clue he was like this or c)It was a whirlwind romance and she just got a wake-up call. On a side note: if your parents & future spouse don't get along, maybe there's a good reason why.

zeroflight avatar
Zero
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much this. It takes massive and practiced skill to hide this big of a red flag. Whether she ignored it or he was that good at hiding it, both are equally frightening. Get out while you can.

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nefarioussagittarius avatar
nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a person who has a 'fancy' house it would never even occur to me to be such a massive a*****e. The most I might ask of a guest is to bring a bottle of wine or some food if we are going potluck style. If I wanted to make money off of my actual home I'd rent rooms. To charge people just to hang out with me is so narcissistic ... I can't even find words. I hope this person has a prenup and that she runs for the hills away from this abusive, elitist , prick.

creaturecargeaux avatar
Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family is not well off. We were pretty broke growing up. But we had food, a home & the basics. We got by. My dad instilled in us to never take s**t for granted & he wanted us to understand that we were actually in a better position than a lot of families. He would remind us that there's kids who don't even have shoes or decent clothes, even if they're second hand. My dad taught us the value of money & hardwork. So I was a very humble kid but I did dream of having nicer things as an adult. The things I wished I had as a kid! When I got my house which is on a river in the swamps of Louisiana, more room than I've ever had.. privacy, gorgeous views.. the first thing I did was invite every person I could to come share it w/ me.. I didn't want anything from anyone except their company & for them to enjoy it w/ me. Especially my dad. Hell, I'd have moved my whole damn family in if they didn't still live in Chicago! I couldn't imagine charging them to come to my home! I mean.. WTF?!

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beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, honey. Go talk to a divorce lawyer and see just how much of it is "his" house.

bethsito avatar
momincombatboots03 avatar
Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How long did she know/date this guy before marrying him? Either a)She saw red flags prior to getting married and chose to ignore them, b)He's an extremely good actor & she had no clue he was like this or c)It was a whirlwind romance and she just got a wake-up call. On a side note: if your parents & future spouse don't get along, maybe there's a good reason why.

zeroflight avatar
Zero
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much this. It takes massive and practiced skill to hide this big of a red flag. Whether she ignored it or he was that good at hiding it, both are equally frightening. Get out while you can.

Load More Replies...
nefarioussagittarius avatar
nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a person who has a 'fancy' house it would never even occur to me to be such a massive a*****e. The most I might ask of a guest is to bring a bottle of wine or some food if we are going potluck style. If I wanted to make money off of my actual home I'd rent rooms. To charge people just to hang out with me is so narcissistic ... I can't even find words. I hope this person has a prenup and that she runs for the hills away from this abusive, elitist , prick.

creaturecargeaux avatar
Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family is not well off. We were pretty broke growing up. But we had food, a home & the basics. We got by. My dad instilled in us to never take s**t for granted & he wanted us to understand that we were actually in a better position than a lot of families. He would remind us that there's kids who don't even have shoes or decent clothes, even if they're second hand. My dad taught us the value of money & hardwork. So I was a very humble kid but I did dream of having nicer things as an adult. The things I wished I had as a kid! When I got my house which is on a river in the swamps of Louisiana, more room than I've ever had.. privacy, gorgeous views.. the first thing I did was invite every person I could to come share it w/ me.. I didn't want anything from anyone except their company & for them to enjoy it w/ me. Especially my dad. Hell, I'd have moved my whole damn family in if they didn't still live in Chicago! I couldn't imagine charging them to come to my home! I mean.. WTF?!

Load More Replies...
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