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Guy Realizes He Ruined His Life By Cheating, Regrets Everything When Divorce Papers Show Up
Interview With Expert
Some people try to push their luck past the breaking point, then want to throw their toys out the cot when things go sideways for them. Sure, they might get some sympathy but, if they’ve messed up really badly, they basically end up in the bad books of everyone they know. Sometimes even those they don’t.
One guy, who played with fire and got burned, turned to an online community to share the story of how his online affair wrecked his marriage and ruined his reputation. While admitting he deserves it all, he says he’s got no one left to talk to about it but strangers on the web.
More info: Reddit
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If you play with fire, you’re going to get burned, but some people are just plain pyromaniacs, figuratively speaking
Image credits: shevchukandrey / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One guy thought it would be a good idea to have an online affair, despite being married
Image credits: dusanpetkovic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The more time he spent with his online lover, the less attracted he felt to his wife, so he finally broke up with her, but kept his digital affair a secret
Image credits: shisuka / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Somehow, his wife discovered his deception, and it shattered her, but after a lot of therapy, she got back on her feet
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Rather than be happy about it, the guy started resenting her and eventually moved out, but didn’t expect his whole life to fall apart
Image credits: ThrowRA_Over_Volume
Awash with regret and self-loathing, he turned to an online community for advice, but got roasted in the comments instead
OP anonymously confesses that his marriage unraveled after he began an affair with a younger woman he’d met online. At first, he justified the secret relationship as harmless fun, enjoying the attention and validation. But cyber flirting quickly escalated into video chats, phone intimacy, and constant conniving behind his wife’s back.
The more invested he became with his online lover, “Carly,” the more distant he grew from his wife. Eventually, he broke up with her under the guise of other excuses, but his wife discovered the truth. Devastated, she spiraled into heartbreak before therapy helped her get back on her feet. Meanwhile, OP convinced himself she would recover to try and ease his guilt.
When he finally moved out, freedom didn’t bring happiness, it only made him feel more isolated than ever. He tried filling the void with Carly, but her presence soon became hollow. One day, the smell of his wife’s perfume triggered a breakdown, and he realized he didn’t miss Carly at all; he missed his wife’s love, quirks, and companionship.
By then, it was too late, though. OP’s wife served him divorce papers he admits he has no right to fight. Now he’s stuck with nothing but memories of a better life.
If you’ve ever made a mistake big enough to turn your whole world upside-down, you can probably relate. So, what do you do if you find yourself facing the after effect of actions you wish you’d never taken? We went looking for answers.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to NYC-based therapist Dr. Tirrell De Gannes of the Thriving Center of Psychology to get his take on OP’s sorry situation and how he might recover from it.
“Dealing with regret takes time. It’s basically losing trust in yourself, and trust can only be built slowly. For OP, he is experiencing the ‘benefit’ of hindsight. When everything is said and done and there is more information, it’s easy to see one’s flaws, but foresight would’ve been much more useful,” explains De Gannes. Basically, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.
Apparently, the most OP can do is try to learn and understand the factors that led to him meeting Carly, keeping that secret, and not dealing with the growing issues he had with his wife.
“Part of moving on is accepting that he has done the wrong thing at several points in his relationship. It seems he is doing that and has accepted his consequences for his actions,” says De Gannes. That’s step one covered, at least.
De Gannes went on to say that OP would benefit from working with a therapist to have someone in his life that can hear his actions and decisions without making him feel despised.
Taking ownership to move forward also means he needs to work on being honest with his feelings and communicating them in difficult times. That should be a welcome change considering how long he’s been deluding himself, don’t you think?
“Any attempt to not deal with his feelings through communication would ultimately lead to him repeating old patterns, and he runs the risk of getting to this low point again,” concluded De Gannes. It seems OP has his work cut out for him, but hey, everyone loves a good comeback story, right?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation similar to OP’s? How did you get back on your feet? Or are you still trapped under a mountain of misery? Let us know in the comments!
In the comments, readers wasted no time in tearing a strip off the original poster, while some suggested he get himself into therapy sooner than later
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What do you think ?
Kate Johnson 2 months ago
Hope he gets therapy before he inflicts himself on some other poor woman.
Joe Publique 2 months ago
Let that be a lesson, gentlemen. Think with the big head and not the small one.
Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)
Even if his ex did take him back he would eventually be unhappy again. There's something he needs to fix inside himself.
Load More Replies...
Squirrelly Panda 2 months ago
He burned his old life to the ground and scattered the ashes. all he can do is apologize to his wife, wish her happy in her life, and get therapy to learn why he did what he did, how to be better and might become a decent person.
J R 2 months ago
Well, I'm glad he's aware it's all his fault. I can see why this is hard for him to deal with. Guilt is a heavy burden. But he's better off going to therapy. Even if he says he's not looking for pity, I can't imagine wanting to get all that out without hoping someone will say something kind. He's unlikely to get that on the internet. All he can do is work on being a better person, and a therapist is better at helping than strangers on the other side of the screen.
Janet Sparrow 2 months ago
As a family law attorney, I don’t think there’s any state in the union where you can fight a divorce. I think they’re all no fault so you have no choice if the other person wants a divorce.
Kate Johnson 2 months ago
Hope he gets therapy before he inflicts himself on some other poor woman.
Joe Publique 2 months ago
Let that be a lesson, gentlemen. Think with the big head and not the small one.
Ms.GB 2 months ago (edited)
Even if his ex did take him back he would eventually be unhappy again. There's something he needs to fix inside himself.
Load More Replies... Squirrelly Panda 2 months ago
He burned his old life to the ground and scattered the ashes. all he can do is apologize to his wife, wish her happy in her life, and get therapy to learn why he did what he did, how to be better and might become a decent person.
J R 2 months ago
Well, I'm glad he's aware it's all his fault. I can see why this is hard for him to deal with. Guilt is a heavy burden. But he's better off going to therapy. Even if he says he's not looking for pity, I can't imagine wanting to get all that out without hoping someone will say something kind. He's unlikely to get that on the internet. All he can do is work on being a better person, and a therapist is better at helping than strangers on the other side of the screen.
Janet Sparrow 2 months ago
As a family law attorney, I don’t think there’s any state in the union where you can fight a divorce. I think they’re all no fault so you have no choice if the other person wants a divorce.
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