‘The Dad’: 50 Hilarious Posts That Both Fellow Parents And Childfree Folk May Enjoy

I'll lay with you... Over a short wide plate.. as they layer chips and toppings over us and we can be in heaven... I'll see myself out now

dang

My grandfather could always find things that needed to be done outside when his sister-in-law was visiting. It was years later before I figured out that he just didn't like her.

Is he????

I like to think he gave up drinking toilet water. Changed his life!

I wanna play nap!

Great, now I have Cats in the Cradle stuck in my head for the rest of the week. Edit: is it Cats or Cat's, should look that up sometime.

*mindcraft* 💀🤣💀🤣💀🤣💀

...and she'll do it again when you don't listen next time

Priorities. Kid's going places.

That's a pretty high level for OP's next bf to beat.

Talk about a serious power move!

I want to use this soooooooo baaaaaad

i wanna try the destroyer. Sounds fun

No I'm a magician!

This is genius!

I have a 6 yo daughter... and it's difficult to resist to the emotional attacks. Like when I try to speak seriously to her and she goes "I love you, dad". WTH?

whats cornhole

Lol

Probably because with a dominatrix you can decide when to stop the game.

It's me with my granddaughter, except there are also toys all over my lap and chair.

This is now my favorite joke on BP ever. I just can't stop laughing.

I giggled

Travel Rations are vitally important!

On a side note, if that's your real pic, and your wife is so much better looking than you, I'm trying to imagine......

The only way to improve that comment is if the baby was born on May 4.

I must make sure my future wife's OB is named Juan

May the Fourth, thankyouverymuch. O.B.Juan is the best maternity joke ever....

That took me waaaaay too long

OB Juan can you be our only hope?

my parents in a nutshell.

Nap-etizer!

I used my Dad voice at a movie theater recently when a few teenagers behind us just wouldn't STFU and I finally had enough and I said in a stern voice "I don't know what you guys are doing back there, but would you knock it off, please and thank you." Someone else in the theater says "Yeah" Not a peep the rest of the movie.

I've contemplated one of those. I want my kids to be strong now when they're little so I can put them to work when they're older. Living on a farm, you've gotta be strong. Especially when there's wood to split.

In my text message area my text was a certain size font. Don't know what I did but next time I went to check my text and the text was bigger. Was like that for a long time. Than I again don't know what I did but then my font went smaller.

This kid should hereafter be in charge of naming/renaming everything.

Same here, hangry

And then everyone started to clap…

My father says, "A******s breed a******s." And life has taught me that he's 100% right.

thats how it works

probably your anniversary or her birthday. Suggest you put that s**t into your calendar reminder system.

eeek. I winced at this one.

I bounce between both

Not gonna lie, I kinda wanna experience that!

four string cheeses is no where near to many

Buy a pool table.

It's supposed to be beautiful

THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE sounds more like it.

Perfect description!

Power level c'mon put in the work like we did.

for me it was the die-cast metal transformers. I think they were actually designed for poking eyes out and probably coated in lead paint

don't. Just let them naturally collapse from exhaustion on the couch at midnight. Then wake them at 6am with a siren sound from youtube (as in air raid siren). When they protest yell in your best military sergeant voice "WAKEUP WAKEUP IT'S SCHOOLTIME" even if it is sunday.

Come to my 2nd wedding, I'd love this

That's both awesome and you are totally a d**k at the same time.

ARE WE THERE YET?

Dangerous game and... self inflicted trouble!

Sounds like she's peaked. LOL

We had one of these! It was so deep you could barely reach the swing. When I got older my parents sold the swing set and it filled in. :( Memories. Broken arms, pirates, and scrapes

Sadder yet inherently more fascinating.

Its true tho

...but you're welcome to drop by, we have a liquor cabinet. Or two.

my niece hates chicken in pretty much anything yet she eats nuggets for nearly every meal, lol

I can attest: Nothing wakes you up out of a dead sleep faster than hearing the footsteps of toddlers running loose through the house. Finally I figured out a solution. I tied a long string to the doorknob on my twins’ bedroom door, ran it into my bedroom and tied the other end to my big toe, so when they got up and opened their door, the string would pull on my toe and wake me up. No more waking up to the dog covered in butter or baby powder explosions! Lol

Yeah I pretty much quit enjoying cooking for a while because of this and my kid is not even picky. It's just a lot of work (labor of love really) and then the kid is like.....meh or hates it. Which is OK. It just does not spark joy. I'm now back to making an occasional gourmet meal for myself.