Woman Refuses To Be Sister’s Bridesmaid: “You’ll Understand When It’s Your Wedding”

Many women feel pressure to look perfect on their wedding day, and as a 2017 survey found, worrying about how they will look in pictures is the third biggest concern for brides in the UK. Some brides, however, might veer into bridezilla territory and go overboard with their demands for perfection.

This bride, for example, decided to choose bridesmaids who are, as she herself described, “uglier” than her so she wouldn’t be overshadowed by someone else on her big day. Appalled by such a decision, her sister refused to be a bridesmaid. As everyone in her circle kept telling her it was not a big deal, she decided to ask for opinions online.

A woman decided to choose bridesmaids who wouldn’t overshadow her on her big day

Bride laughing with bridesmaids outdoors, holding a bouquet, highlighting wedding confidence.

Image credits: A. C./Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Her sister disagreed with her and refused to be part of the bridal party

Text exchange about a bride choosing bridesmaids, sparking conflict over her choice to feel more confident.

Text about a bride choosing bridesmaids she considers unattractive over close friends for her wedding.

Text quote about a bride selecting bridesmaids for confidence, avoiding those who might outshine her in photos.

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Image credits: Daniil Onischenko/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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Text conversation about feeling complicit in a bride's choice of "uglier" bridesmaids for confidence.

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Choosing someone as a bridesmaid is a public declaration of friendship

Image credits: Andre Hunter/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Choosing bridesmaids only might seem simple. In reality, it’s just one of the many stressful decisions a bride needs to make for her big day. 84% of brides report feeling stressed during the planning of their wedding and the wedding day.

According to The Knot’s Wedding Study 2023, the average bride has four bridesmaids. The role of the bridesmaid thus becomes kind of an exclusive club: some friends of the bride might wish to be bridesmaids but never get the invitation.

A lot of things need to be considered before asking someone to be your bridesmaid. Yet across all the advice from wedding planning experts, the most important factors when choosing bridesmaids are not their looks or attractiveness but how close the bride is to the potential bridesmaids and whether they will make their big day even more special.

As editor Cathryn Haight writes for The Knot, choosing a bridesmaid is a decision that has some weight behind it. Contrary to what the bride and mother in this story believe, it is that deep; it can be a “public and definite declaration of friendship.”

Bridesmaids should be friends who will offer support and reliability for the newlyweds on their big day

Image credits: Omar Lopez/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When choosing bridesmaids, the first people to consider should be family members. In America, the maid of honor is most often either the bride’s sister or best friend. So, many wedding planning experts advise considering family members when picking bridesmaids.

Blogger Ty Alexander has even created a point system to make choosing a bridesmaid easier. She gives 10 points to those who are the bride’s siblings, 4 points to the groom’s siblings, 2 points for BFFs, and 5 points to those who just make the bride plain happy. If a person gets 7-14 points, they make the cut into the bridal party!

The Knot suggests even more things to consider, like whether the bride was a bridesmaid at the candidate’s wedding and whether they’ll be close in 10 years. The wedding venue il Tulipano cautions against choosing frenemies: “Choose friends who have a positive impact on your life and will help to make your journey to the altar a joyful one—not that passive-aggressive, envious, or competitive ‘pal’ who won’t really support you, or who won’t make you the center of your big day.”

Reliability is perhaps the most important characteristic for a bridesmaid. A wedding is all about planning, deadlines, and being there for the happy couple. The general rule here can be to choose those friends who consistently reply to texts, phone calls, and emails. Bonus points if they value punctuality.

Bridesmaids don’t necessarily have to be female, either. Brothers, male cousins, or male best friends can be part of the bridal party as well. “Close male or non-binary pals should be in the running too,” The Knot notes. “Include your favorite people, regardless of gender.”

A wedding, at the end of the day, is about celebrating the happy couple, so both the bridesmaids and the groomsmen should support the partnership. Oniki Hardtman of Oh Niki Occasions told Brides that groomsmen and bridesmaids need to lend emotional support to the newlyweds. She recommends choosing people “who are your best friends right now and mainly, who is supportive of both you and your partner.”

People in the comments shamed the bride for her superficiality: “I would be extremely hurt”

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