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Woman Upset When Guy Asks Her To Sit In The Park For Second Date, Sparks Online Discussion
Dating apps may come with their pitfalls, but there are still plenty of success stories of people who fell in love after meeting online. Things may even be simpler if you’re in your 40s, have some hard-earned life experience, and have worked out what you’re looking for in a relationship.
For one such woman, though, what looked like a win after her first date with a guy she met online, turned into a bit of a fail when he suggested they visit a park for their second date. Flabbergasted by his idea, she turned to mumsnet to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable to expect more.
More info: mumsnet
RELATED:
Woman flabbergasted by man’s low-effort idea that their second date should involve ‘sitting in the park’
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
Woman, disappointed by his sub-par suggestion, turned to netizens to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable
Image credits: Good Faces Agency (not the actual photo)
The woman complained in her post that she’s too old to be sitting around in a park
Image credits: LookOverHere
The deflated woman told the community that all of her successful relationships started with a romantic meal
The woman, who’s in her late forties, met the man on a dating app, and agreed to get together for a drink for their first date. Says OP, “It was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humor, nice smile, good job.”
The man, also late forties, texted OP the next day to say he’d love to see her again. OP says that, since then, he’d send her the occasional text, seemingly thoughtful and remarking on things OP had mentioned.
OP’s issue arrived when, for their second date, the man asked her, “Shall we sit in the park?”. OP admits she was thrown by the idea, and asked the mumsnet community whether or not she was being unreasonable for being disappointed with the man’s suggestion.
She claims in her post that she’s way too old to be sitting around in the park and adds that that’s where she had her teenage dates. To make matters worse, the weather forecast says rain, and she knows it’s not a picnic, since the man would have mentioned it to her.
OP revealed that she thinks it’s not just a weird suggestion for a professional guy, but also a bit low effort, something she might do with a friend or colleague on a coffee date. OP also claimed that every one of her successful relationships started with a romantic meal. She then asked the community, “Is this how it is these days?”
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
In her article for Business Insider, Julia Naftulin, an editor on Business Insider’s Special Projects team, writes that, after a first date, it can be difficult to tell how you feel about someone.
Media representations of love could lead us to believe that there should be an instant spark, an undeniable connection that proves going on a second date is worthwhile for you and your potential lover.
But according to Erika Ettin, a dating coach who has worked with thousands of clients, you should almost always say yes to a second date, even if you don’t see metaphorical fireworks during your initial meet-cute.
“The whole point of dating is to see if you like each other enough to keep dating. Going on a second date is never a waste of time,” says Ettin.
In an article for Forbes, American psychologist, Mark Travers, Ph.D., writes that many people come to therapy feeling nervous about an upcoming second date. They ask questions like:
- “We’ve been texting less frequently. Should I be worried?”
- “What if I run out of things to talk about?”
- “What if there’s not a third date?”
While Travers admits these are all valid questions, he warns that ruminating on them can cause someone to overlook the big picture. He goes on to say, “You’re already over the first hurdle — getting past the first date is a clear sign there’s some romantic potential. A second date is an amazing opportunity to turn a spark into a flame.”
Travers goes on to say that, now that you’ve connected with your date over shared interests, choose an activity for the second date that both of you would feel right at home doing.
Travers adds that, while a second date is a chance to get serious about pursuing someone romantically, it doesn’t mean you have to go in with a list of deep questions and big expectations for romance. He says that you shouldn’t forget to enjoy the little moments and have fun together.
“Focus on how they make you feel. You learn a lot more about someone from what they do versus what they say.”, adds Travers.
Do you think OP might be judging her prospective mate a little too harshly? Should she be more open-minded about his second-date suggestion? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
In a vote held on the platform, just 51% of respondents said the woman was being unreasonable
Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Ace 1 year ago
I'm amused by her "All my successful relationships started...". Sister, you're single, all of your previous relationships have failed.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Is she dating the man or the money she thinks he should spend on her? Seems like he’s a nice guy who likes the simple things, and wants to find out if she does too. They can talk to each other in the park a lot more easily than in a noisy bar, and they’re not eating, like in a restaurant, so no chewing or spilling or worrying about food in their teeth. He’s not looking to be a sugar daddy, he’s looking for a real mature relationship. I really don’t think they’re on the same dating page. If she’s going to do it use thinking like this, he’s going to break things off and go looking for a woman who also likes the simple things in life.
Douglas Hartley 1 year ago
A park is a no pressure and no expectation dates. He is not trying get you inebriated and take advantage of you.
Donald 1 year ago
"I noticed the weather might be a bit spotty that day. Would you like to visit a local museum or maybe go see a matinee?" Does OP have no communication skills or do they just expect other people to read their mind? Also the "I bet he's tight and doesn't want pay for dinner" comment, just yuck.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
Right? Because a man's not allowed to be tight on money but still wanting to go on a date. What the heck is wrong with a date in the park, sheesh.
Load More Replies... dremetrius 1 year ago
What the heck is "too old" for a park?? I'm older than her and I go to the park at least one a week to sit and read or watch the world go by and decompress. The rain is a legitimate concern but like... that's such an easy change of plans if and when it does become a problem. okay, it's raining, let's go for a coffee instead. Then again performing for people exhausts me, so any date that's "let's dress like we usually do and go somewhere with no expectations or time limit (max or min!) is exactly the kind of date I'd love. It sounds like these two are just incompatible fairly soon out of the gate, so really it's probably a good thing, long run, that they both found that out quickly.
Trillian 1 year ago
I would absolutely love to sit in the park, drink a beer from a can and see if he is the kind of guy I can just chat away the time with. But not if it rains, I am 100% made out of sugar ;-).
Libstak 1 year ago
This is the low key let's just get to know each other that makes sense to me. A relaxed park date with no expectations from either side, that's how you know the other person is there just to be with you. All these saying he is stingy and it should be a dinner etc, need to look in a mirror. Are you after a bit of spoiling, having your meal paid for or are you interested in getting to know another person and seeing if just being near each other is comfortable and there is an actual attraction?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
If she's so upset why doesn't she counter with a suggestion. The park is a great place to meet, chat and then take it from there. It's also public, so good when you don't know someone. If you don't want to hang out with him for a few hours, move on, you aren't looking to do more than date.
Ace 1 year ago
Yeah, your first point is all this needs - if you can't agree to a mutually acceptable date scenario by discussing your preferences then I don't think this is a relationship that is meant to be.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
All of my successful relationships? They all failed. Some success rate. Maybe look at why. I can see one reason already. No sense of adventure or imagination. Unreasonable expectations is another. Looking at his wallet vs the possibility of meeting someone cool. A park is a relaxed environment. You don't have to dress up fancy or be in a loud crowded restaurant or club. You need to take a closer look at this opportunity. Did he say anything about which park? No. Did he tell you about what you are doing? No. Could be coffee or a picnic. Is this the only place you are going? Maybe not. You just met this guy for heavens sake and you expect a stranger to give you the world on a silver platter. You barely know each other. A park is not just for kids and since you don't know each other it's a place that's different from most ppls choices and also a public space. I can already tell you are going to continue to be single if you don't change your way of thinking. Enjoy lonely life
Kel_how 1 year ago
I think being out in nature, spending low-pressure time together is great. Isn't that what marriage and long-term relationships are anyways? Spending time together, enjoying each other's company? I love that neither has to spend money and they can decide together if they want to just sit, walk around, do an activity, get coffee, etc. Sounds lovely.
Jennifer Clayton 1 year ago
What's wrong with just saying what you want? "Nah, let's do something else, like (suggest something)."
Lyoness 1 year ago
Right? Why is she asking randos on the Internet for advice instead of just talking to him?
Load More Replies...
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
I found it weird that the comments what laugged at his park idea immediately considered it solely a money issue. Even if it is, it says more about them than it does the guy. That the only good date is one where money is spent on them. GROW UP. FFS.
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
My art teacher suggested that a first date should be going for a walk along the beach. (Technically he said sea wall but thats not universal) he swore by it. It's a good way to really get to know someone without any distractions.... and yes, yes it's cheap.
Lyoness 1 year ago
Maybe you aren't spending a lot of money but I wouldn't call it cheap. Thoughtful, romantic, a way to focus on each other? If the intentions are good, yes. But if she wants to be wined and dined and he's more interested in a slow, get to know you, or even if he is figuratively cheap, they aren't a match.
Load More Replies...
Ouss Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
This is a filter. Every person does this when dating. You first have to talk to someone before committing to anything. Half the people giving advice and saying he is cheap are the exact type of people the man is trying to filter out.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
He's probably trying to weed out gold digging whores. Looks like it's working.
tee-lena 1 year ago
Whore? Really? You're gonna be that kind of man? Aren't you classy
Load More Replies...
Emma S 1 year ago (edited)
One of the nicest dates I ever had was walking round the park with an ice cream. It was at the tail end of lockdowns in the UK so there weren't many other places to go. Low pressure, nice and peaceful. It didn't lead to a relationship but it was a great way to get to talk to someone without constant distractions or noise that you'd get in a restaurant or pub.
Trent 1 year ago
All the comments about him being "too broke" to pay for a meal very much rub me the wrong way. Aren't we trying to get rid of sexist viewsets and the man having to pay for dinner is one that seemed to slip past. Either back and forth it or split it. If you want a meal that bad, then you pay for it. Shows that you're not all about yourself.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 1 year ago
It's a 2nd date where you are just trying to learn basic things about each other. "Can we sit still and enjoy a conversation for an hour?" seems like a good test of compatibility that early in a relationship. He found out his answer and didn't have to waste anymore time on someone who needs distractions in their life to spend time with you.
anne chan 1 year ago
When I read the title, I assumed the OP didn't want to go to the park out of fear to be with him alone. Because that would be something I would have understand. But she blantantly complaining sitting with him in the park only because he doesn't have to spend money on her. Having a romantic date can be in all sort of ways, without spending money
GirlFriday 1 year ago
I think this is a great second date. I would say, "I would love to. Should I bring anything? I can pick us up coffees on the way." I am calling my partner right now to see if he wants to meet up and sit in the park this evening.
Dave Hinckley 1 year ago
A month after our first date, I took her to my nephew's wedding. Afterwards we went to a hilltop park and watched the sun set. She was perfectly content to just sit there for an hour and watch. We've been married 22 years in August.
Lethal Knelt (Lethal Lenders Hewn Knelt) 1 year ago
Meh, he's not an ATM. This is for him to screen her out.... Plus they went somewhere fancy on the first date....
Lacey W 1 year ago
Look sister, this idea of "I am the queen of the singles world and if does not spend six figures on me he is not worth my attention," was fun after your quinceañera when all you have to do is wait for your Prince to ride in. We grownups realize life is not like that. This guy wants to spend TIME with you and not just impress you with his wallet. You seem more interested in his credit score than how he will be as an actual partner. Do him a favor and move on.
Your Mom 1 year ago
First of all, OP never ever had a successful relationship since she's single. Second: maybe the guy wanted to get to know you without alcohol. You can have more intimate conversations when there's only the two of you and don't get disturbed by waiters or other guests at a pub or a restaurant. Eating makes you calm and comfortable, and it's easier to miss some red flags if you're full with a "romantic meal". Everyone wants to show off on dates and then they're surprised when the relationship fails on the weekdays. Maybe the guy deserves better than OP. If you can't just sit and talk with a person, that relationship will fail for sure.
Ruth Mattingly 1 year ago
This guy is smart. What a great way to rule out the superficial and gold-digging types. My first date with my husband was at a dog park. We stayed until dark, long after our dogs were ready to go home.. At dusk, there was a double rainbow and I knew he was the one. This woman is less interested in getting to know the guy than getting treated to fancy meals in a vain attempt for validation. My husband and I are still happily, happily married after 11 years.
Ruth Mattingly 1 year ago
What a smart guy. Great way to weed out the superficial and gold-digging types. My first date with my husband was at a dog park. We stayed and talked until dark, with a double rainbow appearing to show me that this was the guy for me. Still happily, happily married.
Prudence Putnam 1 year ago
What if he’d planned something special there? Like a home prepped picnic, he could be a ‘foodie’.
Hoi-Polloi 1 year ago
It's pretty simple. He wants a girl who's pleased with a quiet outing, and talking in the park. She wants a guy who's prepared to feed her as price of conversing with her. To my mind, the fellow dodged a bullet here. Or if I'm feeling generous, they both discovered they have different styles.
aubergine10003 1 year ago
If this woman liked the man, she would be fine with this for a 2nd date.
scott bean 1 year ago
If you don’t like his date suggestion, what is preventing you from inviting him out to dinner? He would probably love it if you offered to treat him to dinner.
Charles Long 1 year ago
Well he found out what he wanted to know. personally first date should be the park second one is someplace nice.
Richard Jung 1 year ago
I usually say go to the zoo instead of the park but the idea is the same.
Rachele Stoops 1 year ago (edited)
This kind of depends on the purpose here; if they’re both looking for a relationship, focused time to get to know each other is great, and it could be a sign that he feels comfortable with her. If they’re just seeing each other casually, something more specific (is there music in the park that day?” makes more sense. If I were her, I’d plan a potential something -that I would pay for - after the park. Something that isn’t set in stone, in case he’s not free longer, but shows I can take the lead also.
Ace 1 year ago
I'm amused by her "All my successful relationships started...". Sister, you're single, all of your previous relationships have failed.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Is she dating the man or the money she thinks he should spend on her? Seems like he’s a nice guy who likes the simple things, and wants to find out if she does too. They can talk to each other in the park a lot more easily than in a noisy bar, and they’re not eating, like in a restaurant, so no chewing or spilling or worrying about food in their teeth. He’s not looking to be a sugar daddy, he’s looking for a real mature relationship. I really don’t think they’re on the same dating page. If she’s going to do it use thinking like this, he’s going to break things off and go looking for a woman who also likes the simple things in life.
Douglas Hartley 1 year ago
A park is a no pressure and no expectation dates. He is not trying get you inebriated and take advantage of you.
Donald 1 year ago
"I noticed the weather might be a bit spotty that day. Would you like to visit a local museum or maybe go see a matinee?" Does OP have no communication skills or do they just expect other people to read their mind? Also the "I bet he's tight and doesn't want pay for dinner" comment, just yuck.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
Right? Because a man's not allowed to be tight on money but still wanting to go on a date. What the heck is wrong with a date in the park, sheesh.
Load More Replies... dremetrius 1 year ago
What the heck is "too old" for a park?? I'm older than her and I go to the park at least one a week to sit and read or watch the world go by and decompress. The rain is a legitimate concern but like... that's such an easy change of plans if and when it does become a problem. okay, it's raining, let's go for a coffee instead. Then again performing for people exhausts me, so any date that's "let's dress like we usually do and go somewhere with no expectations or time limit (max or min!) is exactly the kind of date I'd love. It sounds like these two are just incompatible fairly soon out of the gate, so really it's probably a good thing, long run, that they both found that out quickly.
Trillian 1 year ago
I would absolutely love to sit in the park, drink a beer from a can and see if he is the kind of guy I can just chat away the time with. But not if it rains, I am 100% made out of sugar ;-).
Libstak 1 year ago
This is the low key let's just get to know each other that makes sense to me. A relaxed park date with no expectations from either side, that's how you know the other person is there just to be with you. All these saying he is stingy and it should be a dinner etc, need to look in a mirror. Are you after a bit of spoiling, having your meal paid for or are you interested in getting to know another person and seeing if just being near each other is comfortable and there is an actual attraction?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
If she's so upset why doesn't she counter with a suggestion. The park is a great place to meet, chat and then take it from there. It's also public, so good when you don't know someone. If you don't want to hang out with him for a few hours, move on, you aren't looking to do more than date.
Ace 1 year ago
Yeah, your first point is all this needs - if you can't agree to a mutually acceptable date scenario by discussing your preferences then I don't think this is a relationship that is meant to be.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
All of my successful relationships? They all failed. Some success rate. Maybe look at why. I can see one reason already. No sense of adventure or imagination. Unreasonable expectations is another. Looking at his wallet vs the possibility of meeting someone cool. A park is a relaxed environment. You don't have to dress up fancy or be in a loud crowded restaurant or club. You need to take a closer look at this opportunity. Did he say anything about which park? No. Did he tell you about what you are doing? No. Could be coffee or a picnic. Is this the only place you are going? Maybe not. You just met this guy for heavens sake and you expect a stranger to give you the world on a silver platter. You barely know each other. A park is not just for kids and since you don't know each other it's a place that's different from most ppls choices and also a public space. I can already tell you are going to continue to be single if you don't change your way of thinking. Enjoy lonely life
Kel_how 1 year ago
I think being out in nature, spending low-pressure time together is great. Isn't that what marriage and long-term relationships are anyways? Spending time together, enjoying each other's company? I love that neither has to spend money and they can decide together if they want to just sit, walk around, do an activity, get coffee, etc. Sounds lovely.
Jennifer Clayton 1 year ago
What's wrong with just saying what you want? "Nah, let's do something else, like (suggest something)."
Lyoness 1 year ago
Right? Why is she asking randos on the Internet for advice instead of just talking to him?
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 1 year ago
I found it weird that the comments what laugged at his park idea immediately considered it solely a money issue. Even if it is, it says more about them than it does the guy. That the only good date is one where money is spent on them. GROW UP. FFS.
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
My art teacher suggested that a first date should be going for a walk along the beach. (Technically he said sea wall but thats not universal) he swore by it. It's a good way to really get to know someone without any distractions.... and yes, yes it's cheap.
Lyoness 1 year ago
Maybe you aren't spending a lot of money but I wouldn't call it cheap. Thoughtful, romantic, a way to focus on each other? If the intentions are good, yes. But if she wants to be wined and dined and he's more interested in a slow, get to know you, or even if he is figuratively cheap, they aren't a match.
Load More Replies... Ouss Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
This is a filter. Every person does this when dating. You first have to talk to someone before committing to anything. Half the people giving advice and saying he is cheap are the exact type of people the man is trying to filter out.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
He's probably trying to weed out gold digging whores. Looks like it's working.
tee-lena 1 year ago
Whore? Really? You're gonna be that kind of man? Aren't you classy
Load More Replies... Emma S 1 year ago (edited)
One of the nicest dates I ever had was walking round the park with an ice cream. It was at the tail end of lockdowns in the UK so there weren't many other places to go. Low pressure, nice and peaceful. It didn't lead to a relationship but it was a great way to get to talk to someone without constant distractions or noise that you'd get in a restaurant or pub.
Trent 1 year ago
All the comments about him being "too broke" to pay for a meal very much rub me the wrong way. Aren't we trying to get rid of sexist viewsets and the man having to pay for dinner is one that seemed to slip past. Either back and forth it or split it. If you want a meal that bad, then you pay for it. Shows that you're not all about yourself.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 1 year ago
It's a 2nd date where you are just trying to learn basic things about each other. "Can we sit still and enjoy a conversation for an hour?" seems like a good test of compatibility that early in a relationship. He found out his answer and didn't have to waste anymore time on someone who needs distractions in their life to spend time with you.
anne chan 1 year ago
When I read the title, I assumed the OP didn't want to go to the park out of fear to be with him alone. Because that would be something I would have understand. But she blantantly complaining sitting with him in the park only because he doesn't have to spend money on her. Having a romantic date can be in all sort of ways, without spending money
GirlFriday 1 year ago
I think this is a great second date. I would say, "I would love to. Should I bring anything? I can pick us up coffees on the way." I am calling my partner right now to see if he wants to meet up and sit in the park this evening.
Dave Hinckley 1 year ago
A month after our first date, I took her to my nephew's wedding. Afterwards we went to a hilltop park and watched the sun set. She was perfectly content to just sit there for an hour and watch. We've been married 22 years in August.
Lethal Knelt (Lethal Lenders Hewn Knelt) 1 year ago
Meh, he's not an ATM. This is for him to screen her out.... Plus they went somewhere fancy on the first date....
Lacey W 1 year ago
Look sister, this idea of "I am the queen of the singles world and if does not spend six figures on me he is not worth my attention," was fun after your quinceañera when all you have to do is wait for your Prince to ride in. We grownups realize life is not like that. This guy wants to spend TIME with you and not just impress you with his wallet. You seem more interested in his credit score than how he will be as an actual partner. Do him a favor and move on.
Your Mom 1 year ago
First of all, OP never ever had a successful relationship since she's single. Second: maybe the guy wanted to get to know you without alcohol. You can have more intimate conversations when there's only the two of you and don't get disturbed by waiters or other guests at a pub or a restaurant. Eating makes you calm and comfortable, and it's easier to miss some red flags if you're full with a "romantic meal". Everyone wants to show off on dates and then they're surprised when the relationship fails on the weekdays. Maybe the guy deserves better than OP. If you can't just sit and talk with a person, that relationship will fail for sure.
Ruth Mattingly 1 year ago
This guy is smart. What a great way to rule out the superficial and gold-digging types. My first date with my husband was at a dog park. We stayed until dark, long after our dogs were ready to go home.. At dusk, there was a double rainbow and I knew he was the one. This woman is less interested in getting to know the guy than getting treated to fancy meals in a vain attempt for validation. My husband and I are still happily, happily married after 11 years.
Ruth Mattingly 1 year ago
What a smart guy. Great way to weed out the superficial and gold-digging types. My first date with my husband was at a dog park. We stayed and talked until dark, with a double rainbow appearing to show me that this was the guy for me. Still happily, happily married.
Prudence Putnam 1 year ago
What if he’d planned something special there? Like a home prepped picnic, he could be a ‘foodie’.
Hoi-Polloi 1 year ago
It's pretty simple. He wants a girl who's pleased with a quiet outing, and talking in the park. She wants a guy who's prepared to feed her as price of conversing with her. To my mind, the fellow dodged a bullet here. Or if I'm feeling generous, they both discovered they have different styles.
aubergine10003 1 year ago
If this woman liked the man, she would be fine with this for a 2nd date.
scott bean 1 year ago
If you don’t like his date suggestion, what is preventing you from inviting him out to dinner? He would probably love it if you offered to treat him to dinner.
Charles Long 1 year ago
Well he found out what he wanted to know. personally first date should be the park second one is someplace nice.
Richard Jung 1 year ago
I usually say go to the zoo instead of the park but the idea is the same.
Rachele Stoops 1 year ago (edited)
This kind of depends on the purpose here; if they’re both looking for a relationship, focused time to get to know each other is great, and it could be a sign that he feels comfortable with her. If they’re just seeing each other casually, something more specific (is there music in the park that day?” makes more sense. If I were her, I’d plan a potential something -that I would pay for - after the park. Something that isn’t set in stone, in case he’s not free longer, but shows I can take the lead also.
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