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197
Niece Publicly Mocks Aunt’s Child-Free Life, Is Shocked When Her College Fund Disappears
Interview With ExpertIt’s a known fact that raising kids is expensive—$310,605 on average for a medium-income family to raise a baby to the age of 17 years. That’s according to Investopedia. It’s not surprising then that one of the benefits of being child-free is that you have ‘extra’ money. And you can choose where, how, or even if, you want to spend it.
One 45-year-old woman decided that she wanted to contribute to her niece’s college fund. At least that was the case until the teen publicly humiliated her with a badly-placed child-free joke at her high school graduation ceremony. The aunt feels the level of disrespect was enough to make her rethink the college fund offer. But some feel she’s overreacting. Bored Panda spoke to two experts to get financial advice for child-free people. One is WalletHub‘s Financial Writer and Analyst Chip Lupo. The other is Estate Planning Attorney Craig Parker, who is also the Assistant General Counsel at Trust & Will.
RELATED:
Being child-free comes with all sorts of benefits, including more time and money to yourself
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When one teen mocked her generous aunt’s “extra money,” she wasn’t expecting to pay a hefty price
Image credits: Ecaterina MD / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Imaginary-Carrot2532
Image credits: Alexander Mils / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
What should child-free people do with all that “extra money”? Financial experts advise…
Being child-free breaks the traditional models of financial planning. So says Jay Zigmont, a certified financial planner and author of “Portraits of Childfree Wealth.” According to Zigmont, the normal rules of personal finance don’t apply to people who don’t have kids.
The expert explains that traditional models of financial planning teach us to keep “running it up” so we can build a big nest egg and pass along our generational wealth to our children. But when there are no offspring, child-free people are free to spend or donate every dime they make before they die in order to maximize their happiness, he says.
“Being child-free gives you more flexibility with your finances, but it also means you need to be better prepared for when you grow older, since you may not have anyone to rely on later in life,” WalletHub‘s Financial Writer and Analyst Chip Lupo told Bored Panda during an interview. “So, always make the maximum contributions to your retirement accounts, and consider investing in products such as long-term care insurance as you age.”
Zigmont believes that if you take all your money to your grave, or leave a massive inheritance to other people, you’re doing something wrong. “If my nephews get $1,000 or $10,000 [when I die] that’s fine. If they get $1 million, I made a mistake,” Zigmont said. “Because either they could have used it earlier in life, or I could have used it.”
“It’s true that not having kids can change your financial priorities, but that doesn’t mean you should aim to spend every penny before you die,” Lupo argues. “Even if you’re not focused on leaving an inheritance, it’s still important to plan for the unexpected, which includes things like rising health care costs and a longer lifespan.”
“Having a financial cushion gives you more freedom and less stress,” adds Lupo. “And if you do end up with money left over, you can live out your final years in luxury or leave a legacy in other ways, such as supporting your favorite causes or helping extended family and friends.”
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
How saving differs for child-free people… the financial experts explain
Zigmont says everyone should aim to build a solid financial foundation—whether they have children or not. This means creating a starter emergency fund, getting out of debt, and building a 3- to 6-month emergency fund. Once this is locked down, child-free people and parents can follow completely different paths.
While many parents will be thinking of saving for their children’s education, or buying a house, child-free people have more freedom when it comes to how they spend or invest their money.
The expert says that while a house is a choice for childfree people, it’s not a requirement. Especially if they want more freedom to move around, travel, or are intrigued by the Nomad life. Not buying a house means your money can go elsewhere. It comes down to what do you want your goals to be, says Zigmont.
“If your goal is to open a business, maybe you want to invest in that business, where the better answer financially might be to invest in the stock market,” Zigmont advises. “Maybe it’s investing in going back to school or changing careers or taking a sabbatical. Those are all investments. They’re just not ‘classic’ investments.”
And Lupo agrees. “Being child-free gives you a unique opportunity to plan your finances around your personal goals. You could invest more of your income early on and prioritize experiences like travel or support causes that matter to you,” he told us. “It’s also smart to invest in your health and build a strong retirement plan, since you may not have a family to rely on later in life. Ultimately, the best use of your money is whatever brings you long-term peace of mind and financial stability.”
Zigmont lives by a ‘die with zero’ mantra, but admits it can be risky. After all, we don’t know when death will beckon, and we may live longer that we expect and run out of money. This is why he says it pays to invest in a long-term care policy and have lots of cash set aside. “Then it’s a matter of optimizing your life and getting the most out of your money while you’re living,” he explains.
Before you go out and blow your last dime, Zigmont warns that he does not encourage a reckless spending spree. Rather, he says, child-free people should focus on how their money can maximize their happiness.
“I’d be very careful with a YOLO approach,” said the expert. “It’s a balance between, you’ve got enough money to keep yourself safe. But you’re also enjoying your life at the same time at a much earlier age.”
Image credits: Christin Hume / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
An attorney unpacks estate planning for child-free people
“Without children as heirs, many child-free people choose to focus on lifestyle, impact, and legacy. That might mean investing in causes they care about, supporting friends and extended family, or giving back to their community,” says Craig Parker, Assistant General Counsel at Trust & Will. Parker is a an estate planning attorney with over 25 years of experience and kindly agreed to offer advice to our Bored Panda readers.
Parkers stressed that for individuals without children, estate planning is just as important—if not more—because there’s often no “default heir” or next of kin who can easily step in. “Without a Will, the state decides who gets your assets—and that process often doesn’t reflect your wishes,” warned Parker. “In the absence of direct heirs, your estate might go to distant relatives you barely know or trigger long delays in probate.”
The attorney says having a Will means you control who receives what, you choose who manages your affairs, you protect your values, privacy, and intent. “It’s not about the size of your estate—it’s about having a say in what happens to everything you’ve built,” he explained.
So what advice does he have for child-free people when it comes to planning their Will?
“Name a trusted executor or trustee who understands your values and can carry out your wishes,” he told us. “Choose your beneficiaries intentionally—this could be family members, friends, nonprofits, or even your alma mater.” Parker added that it’s also important to designate agents for medical and financial Power of Attorney, so that someone you trust can advocate for you if you’re incapacitated.
“Create a Living Will or Advance Directive to clearly state your healthcare preferences,” added the expert. “Don’t forget digital assets—including your social media, photo libraries, and online accounts. Include access instructions and outline your wishes.”
Parker says some child-free people may choose to fund scholarships or research through charitable foundations. Others might support animal rescue organizations, environmental groups, or cultural institutions. Then there are those who decide to leave assets to longtime caregivers, close friends, or those who provided support later in life.
“The beauty of being child-free is having the freedom to define your own version of legacy,” Parker told Bored Panda.
Many people felt the aunt was justified, and some even offered advice on how she should spend the money
Netizens called out the aunt for throwing a “temper tantrum”
Some felt that both the aunt and niece were wrong
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What do you think ?
Kit Black 7 months ago
The real problem is the parents. That kid didn't come up with that level of disrespect on her own - she's clearly been hearing her parents say this for years. They did this, and they can suck it up and pay for trash-talking Auntie all these years.
SpiderWoman13 7 months ago
Niece was disrespectful, worse - UNGRATEFUL. If she really valued her aunt, she would have apologized. Take this for the warning it is. She's showing you how ungrateful she will be. Save your money. When someone shows you who they are the VERY FIRST TIME, believe them.
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Ellinor 7 months ago (edited)
I think it's the "must be nice having all that money and no responsibilities" part that made the aunt ticks. We don't have the tone in which that was said but it feels like sarcasm, and knowing how mush sh!t childfree women hear all the time it's not surprising that the aunt took it that personally. Not having children doesn't make all the responsibilities disappear, and the aunt saved her money all over the years to give it to a child that wasn't hers so that's extra super kind. I'd go with NTA because it's her money and she's free to do anything she wants with it, and just like Emily said, paying for her education is not her aunt's responsibility (and she didn't apologized).
Krd 7 months ago
My thoughts exactly. If they just said the first part, without the "no responsibilities" part, it would be closer to a true joke. But the last part comes off as being a sarcastic entitled know it all. Plus tone is huge, which we can't tell how the tone was. I imagine she said it in a condescending tone.
Load More Replies... Annabelle 7 months ago (edited)
Yeah, that came straight from the parents. If she didnt know already, now she has confirmation how her bro and SIL really judge her. Good on her making them pay. Cvnts.
Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
Of course it did ! N you can also bet they have lived way outside their income levels cos auntie said she would pay for all the college tuition etc , Witney are panicking , entitled parents breed entitled brats don’t they
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Paul C 7 months ago
For me, the key information is rolling her eyes when confronted about her joke. A genuine person would have been mortified they had offended a person they cared about. An entitled AH would roll their eyes. That's not a stupid teenager joke, it is showing who they are (or more likely who their parents are at that age).
Lauren Wilder 7 months ago
I think the tone of her remark was disrespectful. She even downplayed her aunts feelings when it was brought to her attention. She knew what she was going to say during her speech and she didnt care. Its likely that the family talks about her behind her back and she knows it. Baby girl can learn her first lesson as an adult, student loans.
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
The niece didn't come up with that, 18-year-olds have no clue about the responsibilities of parenthood. This must have been something she heard so often growing up that she thought it was a harmless joke. The real problem is that she rolled her eyes when confronted. I would withdraw my money, too.
Scott Rackley 7 months ago (edited)
"It's just a prank, bro" graduation edition. Come back with an apology and your proverbial hat in your hand, and I'd think about it. Enjoy your student loans.
Apatheist Account2 7 months ago
There does seem to be a lot of anti-child-free sentiment, leading to "you've got money and no kids, therefore I'm entitled to your money." I cannot get into the mindset of people like that. Try EARNING what you get in life, not stealing it from others.
Cecilia Matthews 7 months ago
What’s the brother and his family believe should happen is this: From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs. This idea comes from a book written by Karl Marx.
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Kim Kermes 7 months ago
The first sentence was lovely. If she'd shut her stupid mouth, all would have been well. She will have to grow up enough to realize what an odious thing that was to say. She needs to tell the parents that, and that they are not to force an apology or She won't accept it. Looks lke a year of an entry level job to pay for a year at community college.
Tabitha 7 months ago
Entry level job? With just a high school diploma? Nah. She’ll be flipping burgers.
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Amanduh 7 months ago (edited)
If she’d (niece) have just said the spoiling part and left off “must be nice…” She(niece) did sound rather snarky and disrespectful. My aunts hardly acknowledged me, I can’t imagine being gifted college and being so icky, especially once she knew she bothered her aunt.
Paul Rabit 7 months ago
For me, it wasn't the joke itself, but rather the eye-rolling. A joke can be misconstrued. Eyerolling not so much.
Erla Zwingle 7 months ago
First, "must be nice" is sarcasm. You can make sarcasm sound like a joke, but it's a very risky thing to do if you are not, in fact, joking. Second, and more importantly, the niece didn't apologize and Third, everybody doubled down on it. That's the dealbreaker. Of course we all know teenagers do stupid things. But not everybody has to try to excuse or dismiss the stupid things. So everybody in that family is actually a stupid teenager. I support your revising your relationship according to THEIR viewpoint, which is that you don't have any responsibilities. Hey! Your niece said it herself! Out of the mouths of babes, right? No harm, no foul, and goodbye and good luck.
Chrissie Anit 7 months ago (edited)
The post leaves out an edit which sounds really strange (the link is missing, can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1hc40el/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_nieces_college/: Edit: Thank you so much for the support, now that I think about it... I might as well book a dream vacation. Decided to create some ideas for destinations here (sign up to see)
Say No to Downvoting 7 months ago (edited)
The link isn’t working for me but that you for trying. I was curious as to what the edit was as one of the commenters referred to it and said it made them doubt the veracity of the story,
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Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
If a “joke is made at others expense “ it’s not funny it’s bullying ! now I’m 60 n can see both sides however if the aunt doesn’t teach that entitled brat a lesson that words n choices have consequences! Cos clearly her parents have t ! She is going to grow up the most ignorant entitled adult going ! Ore than enough of them in the world , NTA totally N all the YTA n ESH LOT PLEASE DO NOT HAVE KIDS !!!
geraldrboyle@aol.com 7 months ago
The kind aunt is entirely right. The niece's comments hurt in the same way that a "prank" usually does. Her comments stripped the aunt of dignity and humiliated her. The idiot niece should have run her speech past her parents first. Public ridicule is no joke.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
Though it appears the parents would not have had her edit her remark. Hell, the parents most likely gave her that line to say.
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Melissa Harris 7 months ago (edited)
She's 18, an adult now, and her first adult life lesson is there are real consequence for bad behavior and 'jokes' in poor taste. The OP should spend that money on herself and take a vacation since she has "no responsibilities".
*raspberry sound 7 months ago
If it was a "harmless joke" it wouldn't have caused very real harm.
SheamusFanFrom1987 7 months ago
YTA and ESh fugg-nuts, I would happily make you the punchline of any and every demeaning jokes if I could! We are talking about an 18-year old ingrate here, not a child below 10. About time embarassing Emily and here equally entitled parents figure things out on their own. These joker are finding out how it feels like to be the punchline when life decides to make you the butt of the joke instead!!! SMH!!!
Tabitha 7 months ago
Life didn’t make them the butt of the joke. They did that really well all by themselves.
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Angela Alexander 7 months ago
If the niece really didn't mean to offend, she should apologize. The fact she hasn't makes the niece the one that's petty and selfish. Is it so hard to say, "I'm sorry"?
Dana Hazzard 7 months ago
NTA. It's not very different from losing a scholarship because a person goes online and says something stupid or posts problematic pictures. It seems like this is a joke that has been made in her house in your absence, so everyone else was comfortable with the joke. The fact that she didn't apologize and didn't appear to regret hurting your feelings is the real problem. Yes, maybe she learned this level of disrespect from her parents, and she didn't learn how to apologize when she hurts someone's feelings. If she had sincerely apologized, would you feel differently? Unfortunately, this will probably permanently damage your relationship with your brother and niece. But after those words left her lips and she didn't see anything wrong with it, the relationship was already damaged. You could offer to loan her the money at a family-friendly rate, but I suspect that won't help the situation much. Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
bElLa sTairZz 7 months ago
feel like the punishment for sure doesnt fit the crime here, theres gotta be a better option than withdrawing the entirety of the woney, especially after assuring the parents you were saving it and that they wouldnt have to themselves.
KatSaidWhat 7 months ago
Biting the hand that feeds you is always a dumb mistake. She could have been more respectful. I always got that s**t from my sister about "how lucky I am to have disposable income and travel, etc" - yeah, beeyutch, I actually work for a living and was not dumb enough to get pregnant while unemployed and then still not take up meaningful employment still to today, 16 years later.
Lynette Hannan (Lyn) 7 months ago
If I had been in OP's position, I would never have said anything to anyone but quietly squirrelled money aside until the proper time to offer it; i.e. when they are looking at colleges. This way, no entitlement fantasies are built up in any of them, and the gratitude would be real from all of them. Who knows what is in anybody's future; if it hasn't been labelled then its good for emergencies with no c**p thrown anywhere from anyone. All it takes is keeping Mum until the surprise can be sprung, which would be a delicious journey in itself!
Rosie 7 months ago
Honestly, I thought the joke was only mildly annoying & probably wouldn't have been offended myself (also a childless woman). *However* the aunt WAS offended & nice enough to mention it in private. The moment the niece double-up & tried some gaslighting, she showed she's an entitled a$$ & I vote she gets no help from auntie. BTW, the niece may be echoing her parents, but that sucky attitude is all hers.
Zull&Panda 7 months ago
1. One of the comments says there's an update. Where's our update Panda? 2. I wonder what that loooong filler text (I won't call it article) says. You know we come here for the story, right? Nobody reads the fillers, you can totally avoid them Panda.
Earonn - 7 months ago
I love the suggestion to say that the offer to pay for college was "just a joke", too. Honestly, yes, I said lots of stupid stuff as a teenager, we all did. But normal teenagers also apologise, especially if someone outside the immediate family got hurt. Also, who makes a joke about the person who spoils you *for* spoiling you? That's just stupid.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 7 months ago
Everyone calling the Aunt an AH or saying ESH, exactly why? The niece is not her child or even her responsibility. It appears that Brother and Sister-in-Law have possibly been making comments / statements, in front of their daughter, about the Aunt not having a child / children. They all seem to have formed a sense of entitlement for the Aunt's college money offer and by refusing to have their daughter even apologize for her words & actions, they are enabling her to be entitled and condescending. Freedom of Speech, does not mean Freedom from Consequences.
Beak Hookage 7 months ago
"Oh it was just a joke get over it!" Yeah, no. If someone makes an ill-judged remark which upsets someone they care about, then they immediately apologise. If they instead react with further rudeness, then they don't care and it wasn't a joke. It was intentional rudeness. Kid can go kick rocks.
LadyManx 7 months ago
It's the eye roll that shows disrespect. Even high school students have learned that saying "It's just a joke." is the unapology they've been looking for. When someone tells you were hurt, and then to disrespect their honest feelings, that's a sign of dismissing someone's honest feelings. Doesn't matter if it's a joke, if the listener was distressed, that's should have been taken more seriously. Oh well, here's a child looking for some loans now.
Spittnimage 7 months ago (edited)
Tell them you've changed your mind you'll still help then hand over 50 bucks and say I said I'd help - not pay for it all.
Nathan Lewis 7 months ago
The parents aren't even the problem like so many people suggest. the kid is 18, not 8.
KYLE 7 months ago
The fact the kid threw in the "extra money" comment does seem like she's looking at her Aunt as Ms. money bags & not a supportive Aunt. She even could have left in the 'spoiled me' part and still have gotten a nice light hearted response. As for the OP, I think a little YTA. They said Help with college not pay for the whole thing, but whether it was the entirety or something else, to simply pull the offer at the last second, does seem a bit harsh. They've had no time to prepare any alternatives for paying for college without the Aunt's help, which perhaps keeping the niece from even going. It is surprising the niece hasn't apologized but what should happen is the Aunt & niece should sit down the Aunt should explain why she was disrespected because of what she did indeed sacrifice to save the money for her.
Emilu 7 months ago
Unless both parties are laughing, it’s not a joke. And yes, it sounds like the daughter has been influenced by what the parents have been saying behind the aunt’s back. I’d buy something lavishly expensive and flaunt it to brother & SIL but I do admit I can be petty if I feel wronged.
sweet emotion 7 months ago
Emily and her parents just learned a VERY expensive lesson. I would not say another word to any of them until I received genuine apologies from each one.
Flo 7 months ago
YTAs talking doodoo once again. That brat needs to learn that actions have consequences - even more so the parents. Where do you think she learned to think like that about childfree people? Just because mommy and daddy are miserable because of being parents they get to dictate what OP is and isn't to do with their money? I don't think so.
Oskar vanZandt 7 months ago
If this is a true situation, I would definitely have a rethink about my brother and his family. I would also have a discussion about the niece's education and what I'm willing to contribute after being publicly humiliated (if the aunt felt it was a betrayal, the hurt would cut deep)... Depending on the outcome, I would probably prune back my contribution and pay only for her first year so she and her parents have some time to pick up the slack. The rest I would invest in myself.
Verena 7 months ago
As the aunt is the aunt, there is no obligation to pay for the college at all. Being single means, that there is no fall-back option, so in case she loses her job or gets ill, she will need her savings anyway. If her brother is too shallow to realise that she is offering to give away her safety net for her niece, then his family does not deserve that money. Basic respect is key here, and this "joke" has a strongvring to it, that in case of need dear brother would not help his sister.
Beef Brisket 7 months ago
Don't think the OP is TA, but I think she's punishing the wrong person. Teenagers never think of themselves as being a responsibility or a financial burden--they think they're a sheer delight to have around and any money spent on them by their parents is not that much and deserved to boot. So saying it must be nice to have all that money and no responsibilities is something I believe she's overheard her dad say, many times. He may have even encouraged her to make the "joke." The niece should have apologized, but I think it's an overreaction to now take the money away--and if this is your only sibling and nibling, be prepared to longer have them in your life.
Thanos'Fingers 7 months ago
Bye Felicia. Who needs that s**t in their life.
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Vinnie 7 months ago
Humans who need to avoid gluten don't usually ask for child-free food. Thank you for asking, as I wouldn't want you to learn this breach of etiquette from personal experience.
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geraldrboyle@aol.com 7 months ago
It might be useful to consider the speech content over a range of possibilities. At one end of the spectrum, she could have lavished praise and gratitude upon the aunt. She.might also have made no mention of the aunt whatsoever. The third possibility is to heap ridicule and show complete ingratitude upon the aunt. The parents should have emphasised that much gratitude should be expressed. Also relevant to the idiot niece is the court of local public opinion. She is so thick that she will almost certainly tell everyone of the terrible injustice visited upon her by the wicked aunt. Henceforth, those around the idiot niece will regard her as an unmitigated fool. Finally, in my experience, her nature will never change. I have a relative who, when a teenager, used to think it witty to made hellish hurtful remarks to people in conversation. He is now in his late seventies and still does it. The idiot niece has divided the family for the foreseeable future.
Peter eisley 7 months ago
Sounds like she won't have much in the way of family help in her old age no matter what she does. Better to put it toward her own future health care. She has zero obligation to help her niece. The parents may even resent it or take it for granted. Whatever way you look at it the kid created a rift in the family that may never be healed. The aunt can take the high road and reconsider if there's a genuine apology but that's a really high road. She might consider a cat or two and getting more friends.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
What are you talking about? She’ll have enough money (even more now) saved for her old age to spend her last days in comfort in a high end care facility. When it comes to kids, don’t worry. Niece will be probably be pregnant by this time next year, and her kids could end up being the diametric opposite of her (as kids tend to be when their parents are extreme), will genuinely love and be very considerate to their Great Aunt, never even think of any nasty “joke” remarks to make about her—-in fact they may consistently defend her to other family members—-and be the ones who Auntie decides to help out.
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Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 7 months ago
I find it weird that lots of comments are assuming that it's the parents fault, and that it must be something that the brother has said. She's definitely old enough to have formed her own opinions. My siblings and I have wildly different opinions about most things - how could a stranger choose which opinions to blame/praise my smoother for?
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
Because 18-year-olds don't have opinions about the responsibilities of parenthood.
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Eternal Tech 7 months ago
"And a big thanks to Aunt for not having kids so she could spoil me like I'm hers. Must be nice having all that extra money and no responsibilities." This joke is clearly an exaggeration as it is self-evident that people without children still have responsibilities. Unless the aunt inherited the money or obtained it from a wealthy husband, she probably had to spend considerable time and effort to earn it. In addition, the niece even engages in self-deprecation by stating that the aunt "could spoil me." The niece certainly does not sound like she dislikes her aunt. Saying that an adult who has earned a considerable amount of money has "no responsibilities" is not meant to be taken seriously, as no rational individual would believe that just because a person does not have children means that they have "no responsibilities." I would doubt that anyone in the audience who heard the joke believes that the aunt is bad person because of the niece's humor.
Eternal Tech 7 months ago
Furthermore, to withdraw promised funds for college at this point would be morally, and possibly legally, wrong. The FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) has already been completed and submitted, as college is only two to three months away. If the aunt's promised money has already been earmarked to pay for the niece's college, it is unlikely that different arrangements can be made at this point in time. If the aunt is really offended by the joke and cannot move past it, she should contribute to the niece's first year of college with the promised amount, but not pay for the three remaining years. This will provide the niece time to arrange for funding for the remaining three years of college.
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Vinnie 7 months ago (edited)
There are multiple reasons that people don't respond to a painful situation with "a slick comment back". They might be too shaken to react because they didn't expect the situation. They may not have practice with witty comebacks. They may not have the talent. I don't blame people for freezing up. Hence, I'm impressed by those who can cleverly put others in their place.
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Boo 7 months ago
So if someone basically puts you and your life choices down, but in a jokey way, you'd be totally be fine with it? Besides, it's the aunt's money and she can do with it whatever she wants. Something tells me you are one of these people who says "it was a joke, get over it." People are being offended because it is offensive.
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Kit Black 7 months ago
The real problem is the parents. That kid didn't come up with that level of disrespect on her own - she's clearly been hearing her parents say this for years. They did this, and they can suck it up and pay for trash-talking Auntie all these years.
SpiderWoman13 7 months ago
Niece was disrespectful, worse - UNGRATEFUL. If she really valued her aunt, she would have apologized. Take this for the warning it is. She's showing you how ungrateful she will be. Save your money. When someone shows you who they are the VERY FIRST TIME, believe them.
Load More Replies... Ellinor 7 months ago (edited)
I think it's the "must be nice having all that money and no responsibilities" part that made the aunt ticks. We don't have the tone in which that was said but it feels like sarcasm, and knowing how mush sh!t childfree women hear all the time it's not surprising that the aunt took it that personally. Not having children doesn't make all the responsibilities disappear, and the aunt saved her money all over the years to give it to a child that wasn't hers so that's extra super kind. I'd go with NTA because it's her money and she's free to do anything she wants with it, and just like Emily said, paying for her education is not her aunt's responsibility (and she didn't apologized).
Krd 7 months ago
My thoughts exactly. If they just said the first part, without the "no responsibilities" part, it would be closer to a true joke. But the last part comes off as being a sarcastic entitled know it all. Plus tone is huge, which we can't tell how the tone was. I imagine she said it in a condescending tone.
Load More Replies... Annabelle 7 months ago (edited)
Yeah, that came straight from the parents. If she didnt know already, now she has confirmation how her bro and SIL really judge her. Good on her making them pay. Cvnts.
Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
Of course it did ! N you can also bet they have lived way outside their income levels cos auntie said she would pay for all the college tuition etc , Witney are panicking , entitled parents breed entitled brats don’t they
Load More Replies... Paul C 7 months ago
For me, the key information is rolling her eyes when confronted about her joke. A genuine person would have been mortified they had offended a person they cared about. An entitled AH would roll their eyes. That's not a stupid teenager joke, it is showing who they are (or more likely who their parents are at that age).
Lauren Wilder 7 months ago
I think the tone of her remark was disrespectful. She even downplayed her aunts feelings when it was brought to her attention. She knew what she was going to say during her speech and she didnt care. Its likely that the family talks about her behind her back and she knows it. Baby girl can learn her first lesson as an adult, student loans.
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
The niece didn't come up with that, 18-year-olds have no clue about the responsibilities of parenthood. This must have been something she heard so often growing up that she thought it was a harmless joke. The real problem is that she rolled her eyes when confronted. I would withdraw my money, too.
Scott Rackley 7 months ago (edited)
"It's just a prank, bro" graduation edition. Come back with an apology and your proverbial hat in your hand, and I'd think about it. Enjoy your student loans.
Apatheist Account2 7 months ago
There does seem to be a lot of anti-child-free sentiment, leading to "you've got money and no kids, therefore I'm entitled to your money." I cannot get into the mindset of people like that. Try EARNING what you get in life, not stealing it from others.
Cecilia Matthews 7 months ago
What’s the brother and his family believe should happen is this: From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs. This idea comes from a book written by Karl Marx.
Load More Replies... Kim Kermes 7 months ago
The first sentence was lovely. If she'd shut her stupid mouth, all would have been well. She will have to grow up enough to realize what an odious thing that was to say. She needs to tell the parents that, and that they are not to force an apology or She won't accept it. Looks lke a year of an entry level job to pay for a year at community college.
Tabitha 7 months ago
Entry level job? With just a high school diploma? Nah. She’ll be flipping burgers.
Load More Replies... Amanduh 7 months ago (edited)
If she’d (niece) have just said the spoiling part and left off “must be nice…” She(niece) did sound rather snarky and disrespectful. My aunts hardly acknowledged me, I can’t imagine being gifted college and being so icky, especially once she knew she bothered her aunt.
Paul Rabit 7 months ago
For me, it wasn't the joke itself, but rather the eye-rolling. A joke can be misconstrued. Eyerolling not so much.
Erla Zwingle 7 months ago
First, "must be nice" is sarcasm. You can make sarcasm sound like a joke, but it's a very risky thing to do if you are not, in fact, joking. Second, and more importantly, the niece didn't apologize and Third, everybody doubled down on it. That's the dealbreaker. Of course we all know teenagers do stupid things. But not everybody has to try to excuse or dismiss the stupid things. So everybody in that family is actually a stupid teenager. I support your revising your relationship according to THEIR viewpoint, which is that you don't have any responsibilities. Hey! Your niece said it herself! Out of the mouths of babes, right? No harm, no foul, and goodbye and good luck.
Chrissie Anit 7 months ago (edited)
The post leaves out an edit which sounds really strange (the link is missing, can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1hc40el/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_nieces_college/: Edit: Thank you so much for the support, now that I think about it... I might as well book a dream vacation. Decided to create some ideas for destinations here (sign up to see)
Say No to Downvoting 7 months ago (edited)
The link isn’t working for me but that you for trying. I was curious as to what the edit was as one of the commenters referred to it and said it made them doubt the veracity of the story,
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
If a “joke is made at others expense “ it’s not funny it’s bullying ! now I’m 60 n can see both sides however if the aunt doesn’t teach that entitled brat a lesson that words n choices have consequences! Cos clearly her parents have t ! She is going to grow up the most ignorant entitled adult going ! Ore than enough of them in the world , NTA totally N all the YTA n ESH LOT PLEASE DO NOT HAVE KIDS !!!
geraldrboyle@aol.com 7 months ago
The kind aunt is entirely right. The niece's comments hurt in the same way that a "prank" usually does. Her comments stripped the aunt of dignity and humiliated her. The idiot niece should have run her speech past her parents first. Public ridicule is no joke.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
Though it appears the parents would not have had her edit her remark. Hell, the parents most likely gave her that line to say.
Load More Replies... Melissa Harris 7 months ago (edited)
She's 18, an adult now, and her first adult life lesson is there are real consequence for bad behavior and 'jokes' in poor taste. The OP should spend that money on herself and take a vacation since she has "no responsibilities".
*raspberry sound 7 months ago
If it was a "harmless joke" it wouldn't have caused very real harm.
SheamusFanFrom1987 7 months ago
YTA and ESh fugg-nuts, I would happily make you the punchline of any and every demeaning jokes if I could! We are talking about an 18-year old ingrate here, not a child below 10. About time embarassing Emily and here equally entitled parents figure things out on their own. These joker are finding out how it feels like to be the punchline when life decides to make you the butt of the joke instead!!! SMH!!!
Tabitha 7 months ago
Life didn’t make them the butt of the joke. They did that really well all by themselves.
Load More Replies... Angela Alexander 7 months ago
If the niece really didn't mean to offend, she should apologize. The fact she hasn't makes the niece the one that's petty and selfish. Is it so hard to say, "I'm sorry"?
Dana Hazzard 7 months ago
NTA. It's not very different from losing a scholarship because a person goes online and says something stupid or posts problematic pictures. It seems like this is a joke that has been made in her house in your absence, so everyone else was comfortable with the joke. The fact that she didn't apologize and didn't appear to regret hurting your feelings is the real problem. Yes, maybe she learned this level of disrespect from her parents, and she didn't learn how to apologize when she hurts someone's feelings. If she had sincerely apologized, would you feel differently? Unfortunately, this will probably permanently damage your relationship with your brother and niece. But after those words left her lips and she didn't see anything wrong with it, the relationship was already damaged. You could offer to loan her the money at a family-friendly rate, but I suspect that won't help the situation much. Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
bElLa sTairZz 7 months ago
feel like the punishment for sure doesnt fit the crime here, theres gotta be a better option than withdrawing the entirety of the woney, especially after assuring the parents you were saving it and that they wouldnt have to themselves.
KatSaidWhat 7 months ago
Biting the hand that feeds you is always a dumb mistake. She could have been more respectful. I always got that s**t from my sister about "how lucky I am to have disposable income and travel, etc" - yeah, beeyutch, I actually work for a living and was not dumb enough to get pregnant while unemployed and then still not take up meaningful employment still to today, 16 years later.
Lynette Hannan (Lyn) 7 months ago
If I had been in OP's position, I would never have said anything to anyone but quietly squirrelled money aside until the proper time to offer it; i.e. when they are looking at colleges. This way, no entitlement fantasies are built up in any of them, and the gratitude would be real from all of them. Who knows what is in anybody's future; if it hasn't been labelled then its good for emergencies with no c**p thrown anywhere from anyone. All it takes is keeping Mum until the surprise can be sprung, which would be a delicious journey in itself!
Rosie 7 months ago
Honestly, I thought the joke was only mildly annoying & probably wouldn't have been offended myself (also a childless woman). *However* the aunt WAS offended & nice enough to mention it in private. The moment the niece double-up & tried some gaslighting, she showed she's an entitled a$$ & I vote she gets no help from auntie. BTW, the niece may be echoing her parents, but that sucky attitude is all hers.
Zull&Panda 7 months ago
1. One of the comments says there's an update. Where's our update Panda? 2. I wonder what that loooong filler text (I won't call it article) says. You know we come here for the story, right? Nobody reads the fillers, you can totally avoid them Panda.
Earonn - 7 months ago
I love the suggestion to say that the offer to pay for college was "just a joke", too. Honestly, yes, I said lots of stupid stuff as a teenager, we all did. But normal teenagers also apologise, especially if someone outside the immediate family got hurt. Also, who makes a joke about the person who spoils you *for* spoiling you? That's just stupid.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 7 months ago
Everyone calling the Aunt an AH or saying ESH, exactly why? The niece is not her child or even her responsibility. It appears that Brother and Sister-in-Law have possibly been making comments / statements, in front of their daughter, about the Aunt not having a child / children. They all seem to have formed a sense of entitlement for the Aunt's college money offer and by refusing to have their daughter even apologize for her words & actions, they are enabling her to be entitled and condescending. Freedom of Speech, does not mean Freedom from Consequences.
Beak Hookage 7 months ago
"Oh it was just a joke get over it!" Yeah, no. If someone makes an ill-judged remark which upsets someone they care about, then they immediately apologise. If they instead react with further rudeness, then they don't care and it wasn't a joke. It was intentional rudeness. Kid can go kick rocks.
LadyManx 7 months ago
It's the eye roll that shows disrespect. Even high school students have learned that saying "It's just a joke." is the unapology they've been looking for. When someone tells you were hurt, and then to disrespect their honest feelings, that's a sign of dismissing someone's honest feelings. Doesn't matter if it's a joke, if the listener was distressed, that's should have been taken more seriously. Oh well, here's a child looking for some loans now.
Spittnimage 7 months ago (edited)
Tell them you've changed your mind you'll still help then hand over 50 bucks and say I said I'd help - not pay for it all.
Nathan Lewis 7 months ago
The parents aren't even the problem like so many people suggest. the kid is 18, not 8.
KYLE 7 months ago
The fact the kid threw in the "extra money" comment does seem like she's looking at her Aunt as Ms. money bags & not a supportive Aunt. She even could have left in the 'spoiled me' part and still have gotten a nice light hearted response. As for the OP, I think a little YTA. They said Help with college not pay for the whole thing, but whether it was the entirety or something else, to simply pull the offer at the last second, does seem a bit harsh. They've had no time to prepare any alternatives for paying for college without the Aunt's help, which perhaps keeping the niece from even going. It is surprising the niece hasn't apologized but what should happen is the Aunt & niece should sit down the Aunt should explain why she was disrespected because of what she did indeed sacrifice to save the money for her.
Emilu 7 months ago
Unless both parties are laughing, it’s not a joke. And yes, it sounds like the daughter has been influenced by what the parents have been saying behind the aunt’s back. I’d buy something lavishly expensive and flaunt it to brother & SIL but I do admit I can be petty if I feel wronged.
sweet emotion 7 months ago
Emily and her parents just learned a VERY expensive lesson. I would not say another word to any of them until I received genuine apologies from each one.
Flo 7 months ago
YTAs talking doodoo once again. That brat needs to learn that actions have consequences - even more so the parents. Where do you think she learned to think like that about childfree people? Just because mommy and daddy are miserable because of being parents they get to dictate what OP is and isn't to do with their money? I don't think so.
Oskar vanZandt 7 months ago
If this is a true situation, I would definitely have a rethink about my brother and his family. I would also have a discussion about the niece's education and what I'm willing to contribute after being publicly humiliated (if the aunt felt it was a betrayal, the hurt would cut deep)... Depending on the outcome, I would probably prune back my contribution and pay only for her first year so she and her parents have some time to pick up the slack. The rest I would invest in myself.
Verena 7 months ago
As the aunt is the aunt, there is no obligation to pay for the college at all. Being single means, that there is no fall-back option, so in case she loses her job or gets ill, she will need her savings anyway. If her brother is too shallow to realise that she is offering to give away her safety net for her niece, then his family does not deserve that money. Basic respect is key here, and this "joke" has a strongvring to it, that in case of need dear brother would not help his sister.
Beef Brisket 7 months ago
Don't think the OP is TA, but I think she's punishing the wrong person. Teenagers never think of themselves as being a responsibility or a financial burden--they think they're a sheer delight to have around and any money spent on them by their parents is not that much and deserved to boot. So saying it must be nice to have all that money and no responsibilities is something I believe she's overheard her dad say, many times. He may have even encouraged her to make the "joke." The niece should have apologized, but I think it's an overreaction to now take the money away--and if this is your only sibling and nibling, be prepared to longer have them in your life.
Thanos'Fingers 7 months ago
Bye Felicia. Who needs that s**t in their life.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 7 months ago
Humans who need to avoid gluten don't usually ask for child-free food. Thank you for asking, as I wouldn't want you to learn this breach of etiquette from personal experience.
Load More Replies... geraldrboyle@aol.com 7 months ago
It might be useful to consider the speech content over a range of possibilities. At one end of the spectrum, she could have lavished praise and gratitude upon the aunt. She.might also have made no mention of the aunt whatsoever. The third possibility is to heap ridicule and show complete ingratitude upon the aunt. The parents should have emphasised that much gratitude should be expressed. Also relevant to the idiot niece is the court of local public opinion. She is so thick that she will almost certainly tell everyone of the terrible injustice visited upon her by the wicked aunt. Henceforth, those around the idiot niece will regard her as an unmitigated fool. Finally, in my experience, her nature will never change. I have a relative who, when a teenager, used to think it witty to made hellish hurtful remarks to people in conversation. He is now in his late seventies and still does it. The idiot niece has divided the family for the foreseeable future.
Peter eisley 7 months ago
Sounds like she won't have much in the way of family help in her old age no matter what she does. Better to put it toward her own future health care. She has zero obligation to help her niece. The parents may even resent it or take it for granted. Whatever way you look at it the kid created a rift in the family that may never be healed. The aunt can take the high road and reconsider if there's a genuine apology but that's a really high road. She might consider a cat or two and getting more friends.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
What are you talking about? She’ll have enough money (even more now) saved for her old age to spend her last days in comfort in a high end care facility. When it comes to kids, don’t worry. Niece will be probably be pregnant by this time next year, and her kids could end up being the diametric opposite of her (as kids tend to be when their parents are extreme), will genuinely love and be very considerate to their Great Aunt, never even think of any nasty “joke” remarks to make about her—-in fact they may consistently defend her to other family members—-and be the ones who Auntie decides to help out.
Load More Replies... Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 7 months ago
I find it weird that lots of comments are assuming that it's the parents fault, and that it must be something that the brother has said. She's definitely old enough to have formed her own opinions. My siblings and I have wildly different opinions about most things - how could a stranger choose which opinions to blame/praise my smoother for?
Bartlet for world domination 7 months ago
Because 18-year-olds don't have opinions about the responsibilities of parenthood.
Load More Replies... Eternal Tech 7 months ago
"And a big thanks to Aunt for not having kids so she could spoil me like I'm hers. Must be nice having all that extra money and no responsibilities." This joke is clearly an exaggeration as it is self-evident that people without children still have responsibilities. Unless the aunt inherited the money or obtained it from a wealthy husband, she probably had to spend considerable time and effort to earn it. In addition, the niece even engages in self-deprecation by stating that the aunt "could spoil me." The niece certainly does not sound like she dislikes her aunt. Saying that an adult who has earned a considerable amount of money has "no responsibilities" is not meant to be taken seriously, as no rational individual would believe that just because a person does not have children means that they have "no responsibilities." I would doubt that anyone in the audience who heard the joke believes that the aunt is bad person because of the niece's humor.
Eternal Tech 7 months ago
Furthermore, to withdraw promised funds for college at this point would be morally, and possibly legally, wrong. The FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) has already been completed and submitted, as college is only two to three months away. If the aunt's promised money has already been earmarked to pay for the niece's college, it is unlikely that different arrangements can be made at this point in time. If the aunt is really offended by the joke and cannot move past it, she should contribute to the niece's first year of college with the promised amount, but not pay for the three remaining years. This will provide the niece time to arrange for funding for the remaining three years of college.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 7 months ago (edited)
There are multiple reasons that people don't respond to a painful situation with "a slick comment back". They might be too shaken to react because they didn't expect the situation. They may not have practice with witty comebacks. They may not have the talent. I don't blame people for freezing up. Hence, I'm impressed by those who can cleverly put others in their place.
Load More Replies... Boo 7 months ago
So if someone basically puts you and your life choices down, but in a jokey way, you'd be totally be fine with it? Besides, it's the aunt's money and she can do with it whatever she wants. Something tells me you are one of these people who says "it was a joke, get over it." People are being offended because it is offensive.
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